Should I talk to Nada about her weight?

[Guest guest]

Hi, all,

I just finished a really tough, 90 minute conversation with my dad about Mom.

Long story short, she has always been obsessed with her weight, even when I was

a kid and she was incredibly skinny. Every day she'd ask me, " Am I getting fat?

Do I look like I'm losing weight? " And I can't remember her eating except in

small bites before she turned 36 (I was 12/13).

Now, Mom is in her early 50s, and has to be close to 300 pounds on a 5'6 frame

(or used to be 5'6... I'm pretty sure she's already started shrinking). I only

see her about once a month, but each time I am struck by how much bigger she is

than I even remembered. She knows she's fat, but as a typical BP, is in complete

denial about her role in it. She blames anything and everyone but herself. One

minute she tells Dad it's his fault; he made her fat. The next, she blames her

hypothyroidism (which is perfectly under control with medication). She doesn't

seems to realize that she orders pizza about twice a week, puts butter on

everything, even her vegetables, drinks can after can of diet soda, and, aside

from a walk a few times a week with the dog, gets no exercise. Her mother is a

type 2 diabetic who, thankfully, keeps it under control with diet alone. But

this does mean that Nada is genetically at risk for the same disease.

I'm not sure what to do. I know she's going to be pissed if any of us talk to

her about this, but I'd be willing to put up with it if I thought any of it

would get through at all. As much as I just hate her sometimes, I can hear that

my dad is terrified, and I myself am frightened by the thought of her being in a

wheelchair or worse in ten years. If she gets diabetes, I know it will only get

worse, since she'll never be able to follow the diet.

Is it worth my saying a damn thing? Even to ease my own conscience? If I do, any

suggestions on how to go about it?

[Guest guest]

>

> Is it worth my saying a damn thing? Even to ease my own conscience?

>

Not unless you're just really eager to be blamed for being so mean as to call

your own mother " fat. "

Your concerns for her health are coming from love, but no person I know with BPD

can accept concern as anything but criticism and disdain.

She already knows she's obese. If she's going to the doctor at all, believe me,

they will have told her she needs to make changes. It's up to her whether she

wants to listen or continue self-destructing. It's not your job to save her

anymore.

KT

[Guest guest]

>

> Is it worth my saying a damn thing? Even to ease my own conscience?

>

Not unless you're just really eager to be blamed for being so mean as to call

your own mother " fat. "

Your concerns for her health are coming from love, but no person I know with BPD

can accept concern as anything but criticism and disdain.

She already knows she's obese. If she's going to the doctor at all, believe me,

they will have told her she needs to make changes. It's up to her whether she

wants to listen or continue self-destructing. It's not your job to save her

anymore.

KT

[Guest guest]

I agree, its pointless to do so.

My nada actively solicits advice/opinions from Sister (and used to from me) and

then blame us if the whatever didn't turn out the perfect way nada wanted it to.

" Yes, I think you're putting on too much weight. " Oh, Lord, I don't even want to

think about what kind of shrieking retaliation that would have touched off.

" Should I sell the house? " " Should I move to a different apartment? " She'd do

this to Sister more than to me, since Sister lives near her, but even back 3

years ago when I was still in contact with nada she asked my advice RE whether

she should make a certain investment or not.

Sister and I both learned that giving our opinion or offering advice to nada was

guaranteed to result in blame and abuse later, since pretty much nothing ever

turns out to nada's satisfaction. We learned to just deflect her entreaties for

advice, with something like " I'm the last person on the planet that you'd want

to ask about xyz, I know nothing about xyz. " or " I'd ask so-and-so, s/he knows

about stuff like that. " Just saying, " That's up to you, nada, its your

decision " didn't work; nada didn't want the responsibility of making the choice

because then there would be nobody to blame but herself if it didn't turn out

perfectly.

I think my nada should have just bought herself a room full of bobble-head dolls

instead of marrying and having kids, because all she really wanted was an

entourage nodding agreement with her, like a Queen with her court, people just

nodding and saying " Yes! " to her all day.

-Annie

> >

> > Thanks to everyone to replied to this and set me back on track. You

> guys are right. I was just fluffed up into this alarmist state by my

> dad, and somehow managed to temporarily forget that there's always

> *some* kind of emergency surrounding her health, but that no advice I've

> ever given her has done anything but backfire. I'm going to shut my yap.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I think my nada should have just bought herself a room full of bobble-head dolls

instead of marrying and having kids, because all she really wanted was an

entourage nodding agreement with her, like a Queen with her court, people just

nodding and saying " Yes! " to her all day.

OMG YES!

Re: Should I talk to Nada about her weight?

I agree, its pointless to do so.

My nada actively solicits advice/opinions from Sister (and used to from me) and

then blame us if the whatever didn't turn out the perfect way nada wanted it to.

" Yes, I think you're putting on too much weight. " Oh, Lord, I don't even want to

think about what kind of shrieking retaliation that would have touched off.

" Should I sell the house? " " Should I move to a different apartment? " She'd do

this to Sister more than to me, since Sister lives near her, but even back 3

years ago when I was still in contact with nada she asked my advice RE whether

she should make a certain investment or not.

Sister and I both learned that giving our opinion or offering advice to nada was

guaranteed to result in blame and abuse later, since pretty much nothing ever

turns out to nada's satisfaction. We learned to just deflect her entreaties for

advice, with something like " I'm the last person on the planet that you'd want

to ask about xyz, I know nothing about xyz. " or " I'd ask so-and-so, s/he knows

about stuff like that. " Just saying, " That's up to you, nada, its your

decision " didn't work; nada didn't want the responsibility of making the choice

because then there would be nobody to blame but herself if it didn't turn out

perfectly.

I think my nada should have just bought herself a room full of bobble-head dolls

instead of marrying and having kids, because all she really wanted was an

entourage nodding agreement with her, like a Queen with her court, people just

nodding and saying " Yes! " to her all day.

-Annie

> >

> > Thanks to everyone to replied to this and set me back on track. You

> guys are right. I was just fluffed up into this alarmist state by my

> dad, and somehow managed to temporarily forget that there's always

> *some* kind of emergency surrounding her health, but that no advice I've

> ever given her has done anything but backfire. I'm going to shut my yap.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Annie,

That's a great image - Queen nada with a court of bobble-head

dolls.

I try to turn nada's questions back on her because answering

anything that requires an opinion that might be different from

nada's is dangerous. If I can't do that I try to give a neutral

answer. " Does my hair look okay? " is one of my nada's worst

questions. There's no possible good answer to that. If I say it

does, she'll later decide that it wasn't perfect and blame me

for saying it was okay. If I say it doesn't, and she doesn't see

anything wrong with it, then I've insulted her hairdo and thus

her as a person. The question is made even worse by the fact

that she has a history of choosing hair styles and colors that I

think look awful at best.

At 01:16 PM 12/02/2010 anuria67854 wrote:

>I agree, its pointless to do so.

>

>My nada actively solicits advice/opinions from Sister (and used

>to from me) and then blame us if the whatever didn't turn out

>the perfect way nada wanted it to.

>

> " Yes, I think you're putting on too much weight. " Oh, Lord, I

>don't even want to think about what kind of shrieking

>retaliation that would have touched off.

>

> " Should I sell the house? " " Should I move to a different

>apartment? " She'd do this to Sister more than to me, since

>Sister lives near her, but even back 3 years ago when I was

>still in contact with nada she asked my advice RE whether she

>should make a certain investment or not.

>

>Sister and I both learned that giving our opinion or offering

>advice to nada was guaranteed to result in blame and abuse

>later, since pretty much nothing ever turns out to nada's

>satisfaction. We learned to just deflect her entreaties for

>advice, with something like " I'm the last person on the planet

>that you'd want to ask about xyz, I know nothing about

>xyz. " or " I'd ask so-and-so, s/he knows about stuff like

>that. " Just saying, " That's up to you, nada, its your

>decision " didn't work; nada didn't want the responsibility of

>making the choice because then there would be nobody to blame

>but herself if it didn't turn out perfectly.

>

>I think my nada should have just bought herself a room full of

>bobble-head dolls instead of marrying and having kids, because

>all she really wanted was an entourage nodding agreement with

>her, like a Queen with her court, people just nodding and

>saying " Yes! " to her all day.

>

>-Annie

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

Annie,

That's a great image - Queen nada with a court of bobble-head

dolls.

I try to turn nada's questions back on her because answering

anything that requires an opinion that might be different from

nada's is dangerous. If I can't do that I try to give a neutral

answer. " Does my hair look okay? " is one of my nada's worst

questions. There's no possible good answer to that. If I say it

does, she'll later decide that it wasn't perfect and blame me

for saying it was okay. If I say it doesn't, and she doesn't see

anything wrong with it, then I've insulted her hairdo and thus

her as a person. The question is made even worse by the fact

that she has a history of choosing hair styles and colors that I

think look awful at best.

At 01:16 PM 12/02/2010 anuria67854 wrote:

>I agree, its pointless to do so.

>

>My nada actively solicits advice/opinions from Sister (and used

>to from me) and then blame us if the whatever didn't turn out

>the perfect way nada wanted it to.

>

> " Yes, I think you're putting on too much weight. " Oh, Lord, I

>don't even want to think about what kind of shrieking

>retaliation that would have touched off.

>

> " Should I sell the house? " " Should I move to a different

>apartment? " She'd do this to Sister more than to me, since

>Sister lives near her, but even back 3 years ago when I was

>still in contact with nada she asked my advice RE whether she

>should make a certain investment or not.

>

>Sister and I both learned that giving our opinion or offering

>advice to nada was guaranteed to result in blame and abuse

>later, since pretty much nothing ever turns out to nada's

>satisfaction. We learned to just deflect her entreaties for

>advice, with something like " I'm the last person on the planet

>that you'd want to ask about xyz, I know nothing about

>xyz. " or " I'd ask so-and-so, s/he knows about stuff like

>that. " Just saying, " That's up to you, nada, its your

>decision " didn't work; nada didn't want the responsibility of

>making the choice because then there would be nobody to blame

>but herself if it didn't turn out perfectly.

>

>I think my nada should have just bought herself a room full of

>bobble-head dolls instead of marrying and having kids, because

>all she really wanted was an entourage nodding agreement with

>her, like a Queen with her court, people just nodding and

>saying " Yes! " to her all day.

>

>-Annie

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

Annie,

That's a great image - Queen nada with a court of bobble-head

dolls.

I try to turn nada's questions back on her because answering

anything that requires an opinion that might be different from

nada's is dangerous. If I can't do that I try to give a neutral

answer. " Does my hair look okay? " is one of my nada's worst

questions. There's no possible good answer to that. If I say it

does, she'll later decide that it wasn't perfect and blame me

for saying it was okay. If I say it doesn't, and she doesn't see

anything wrong with it, then I've insulted her hairdo and thus

her as a person. The question is made even worse by the fact

that she has a history of choosing hair styles and colors that I

think look awful at best.

At 01:16 PM 12/02/2010 anuria67854 wrote:

>I agree, its pointless to do so.

>

>My nada actively solicits advice/opinions from Sister (and used

>to from me) and then blame us if the whatever didn't turn out

>the perfect way nada wanted it to.

>

> " Yes, I think you're putting on too much weight. " Oh, Lord, I

>don't even want to think about what kind of shrieking

>retaliation that would have touched off.

>

> " Should I sell the house? " " Should I move to a different

>apartment? " She'd do this to Sister more than to me, since

>Sister lives near her, but even back 3 years ago when I was

>still in contact with nada she asked my advice RE whether she

>should make a certain investment or not.

>

>Sister and I both learned that giving our opinion or offering

>advice to nada was guaranteed to result in blame and abuse

>later, since pretty much nothing ever turns out to nada's

>satisfaction. We learned to just deflect her entreaties for

>advice, with something like " I'm the last person on the planet

>that you'd want to ask about xyz, I know nothing about

>xyz. " or " I'd ask so-and-so, s/he knows about stuff like

>that. " Just saying, " That's up to you, nada, its your

>decision " didn't work; nada didn't want the responsibility of

>making the choice because then there would be nobody to blame

>but herself if it didn't turn out perfectly.

>

>I think my nada should have just bought herself a room full of

>bobble-head dolls instead of marrying and having kids, because

>all she really wanted was an entourage nodding agreement with

>her, like a Queen with her court, people just nodding and

>saying " Yes! " to her all day.

>

>-Annie

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

This is just me theorizing, so take it as a speculation, but to me, the fact

that we endure such treatment speaks of how *hard-wired* we must be as a species

to remain attached to our mother and/or father into adulthood even though in the

case of those of us with mentally ill parents it means repeatedly enduring

emotional abuse or other abuse from them.

If you look at the relationship dynamic objectively, it just doesn't make sense.

The loyalty and attachment we feel for an abusive parent is so *unwarranted and

undeserved* that perhaps it is *out of our conscious control?* Hard-wired? It

must be (in my opinion) because it is so counter-intuitive, anti-survival, and

even masochistic of us.

Maybe our attachment is a vestigial " wolf pack " survival behavior? Its better

for a wolf to remain in the pack even though they're the " omega " or lowest wolf,

because its even harder to survive as a lone wolf. So the omega stays and

endures the snarling, bloody attacks of the more dominant wolves and survives

even though it means an impoverished, marginal existence at best.

Or, there is the " puppy analogy " . If a person gets a puppy and feeds it every

day, waters it, grooms it, plays with it, takes it for walks, gives it a nice

place to sleep, etc. but then also every day at some random moment kicks the

puppy hard in the ribs, the puppy will sooner or later run away. Its survival

instinct kicks in and overrides its feeling of loyalty, and the puppy runs away

from the daily kick that will eventually cripple it or kill it, even though it

means also running away from the daily food and water and other care.

Its as though our human survival instinct has been extinguished or overridden,

somehow. Maybe trauma bonding does this: erases the individual human being's

natural survival instincts?

-Annie

>

> Annie,

> That's a great image - Queen nada with a court of bobble-head

> dolls.

>

> I try to turn nada's questions back on her because answering

> anything that requires an opinion that might be different from

> nada's is dangerous. If I can't do that I try to give a neutral

> answer. " Does my hair look okay? " is one of my nada's worst

> questions. There's no possible good answer to that. If I say it

> does, she'll later decide that it wasn't perfect and blame me

> for saying it was okay. If I say it doesn't, and she doesn't see

> anything wrong with it, then I've insulted her hairdo and thus

> her as a person. The question is made even worse by the fact

> that she has a history of choosing hair styles and colors that I

> think look awful at best.

>

[Guest guest]

Great advice from all and a good point brought up by Jgar.

>

> Annie,

> That's a great image - Queen nada with a court of bobble-head

> dolls.

>

> I try to turn nada's questions back on her because answering

> anything that requires an opinion that might be different from

> nada's is dangerous. If I can't do that I try to give a neutral

> answer. " Does my hair look okay? " is one of my nada's worst

> questions. There's no possible good answer to that. If I say it

> does, she'll later decide that it wasn't perfect and blame me

> for saying it was okay. If I say it doesn't, and she doesn't see

> anything wrong with it, then I've insulted her hairdo and thus

> her as a person. The question is made even worse by the fact

> that she has a history of choosing hair styles and colors that I

> think look awful at best.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Amazing post, as usual.

I like the pack theory. Maybe we can detach when we find a new " pack " . Our own

new family and/or a group like this. Friends or other family members can work,

too, from what I see here. I couldn't get away from nada and foo before because

there was nothing else to run to. I would take my time calling them, trying to

make a connection, getting my feelings hurt like 90% of the time.

Lately, I find myself thinking, " If I'm going to spend 20 minutes relating to

someone, I'd rather read the WTO posts than call ______. (insert any

nada/fada/foo name here) Now I just have something better to do. So I call

them every once in a while (1x a week or so) when I'm going somewhere and have

to get off the phone quick anyway. I am planning to gradually decrease this

contact a bit until I'm as LC as possible with all of them.

+Coal Miner's Daughter

> >

> > Annie,

> > That's a great image - Queen nada with a court of bobble-head

> > dolls.

> >

> > I try to turn nada's questions back on her because answering

> > anything that requires an opinion that might be different from

> > nada's is dangerous. If I can't do that I try to give a neutral

> > answer. " Does my hair look okay? " is one of my nada's worst

> > questions. There's no possible good answer to that. If I say it

> > does, she'll later decide that it wasn't perfect and blame me

> > for saying it was okay. If I say it doesn't, and she doesn't see

> > anything wrong with it, then I've insulted her hairdo and thus

> > her as a person. The question is made even worse by the fact

> > that she has a history of choosing hair styles and colors that I

> > think look awful at best.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Uhm,Annie,what are " sun spots " ? Do you mean: It isn't that this person is an

insensitive,self centered clod who is casting a shadow over my day before it's

barely begun,but rather has been inadvertantly influenced by atmospheric

pressure? Like a sun flare blitzing their brain for a moment?...At any rate,I

like that! It's a happier thought than the,uh,darker medieval thoughts I tend to

have about rude people...lol...

Lloyd deMause did indeed write " The History of Childhood " so that could

very well be the book you read.I agree,it's amazing how the views of childhood

have changed over the ages and for the better.For most of human history children

were thought to be miniature adults and treated as chattel.The research that was

done in child development starting in the last century really was a radical step

forward,it's a shame our nadas never heard about it.

I admire Dickens' writing: he was a great " voice of conscience "

for his times.It's hard to believe now that children once worked twelve hour

shifts in factories,like the n era " match girls " who were slowly

poisoned by the sulfur used to make the match tips.Although in some parts of the

world today children are still used as cheap indentured labor.

My nada thought I was demonic and that is medieval! Her denigration of me

is like the equivalent of dressing me in sackcloth and ashes for all the world

to see how evil I am...

> >

> > Ha ha ha,lol,Coal Miner's Daughter,I suffer from " involuntary superstitious

thinking " at times,too.

> >

> > It usually happens when I am trying to do something and hit some sort

of snafu---then I catch myself automatically assuming " It's a sign I shouldn't

try to do this,it's going to turn out wrong/bad " .Or once in a while in the

morning before work if I go to get a coffee at the local coffee shop and

encounter somebody else in a pissy or pushy mood,then I catch myself thinking:

" Aw shit,this is going to be a lousy day,it's a sign... " I always tell myself to

stop it because I know rationally that *my own attitude* determines the outcome

of events for the most part and I also resent even having these passing

" superstitious thoughts " because they aren't me.I know that as a child I had to

engage in " magical thinking " alot in the hope of being able to have things be ok

and that got tacked on to reflexive self blame when I got hurt.So some of it is

an old unconscious habit even though I don't " believe " in it.

> >

> > I thought it was interesting that you said you feel like one of those

people from the middle ages because I found this website (Lloyd deMause) that

had a graph on it of how different parenting styles relate to different

historical periods--the average nada parenting style with all the

splitting,projection,blame and enmeshment related most to the Medieval

Period.Our nadas " raise " us the way people treated children back in the Middle

Ages...I wanted to post that graph on here but when I went back to that website

I couldn't find it.

> >

> > I fend it off,myself,by reminding myself that I *do* have free will

and that dread is just a feeling,not a fact.It only becomes a " fact " if we allow

it to determine our decisions.And I do,at times,even remind myself that I can

resist what does feel like " the pull of the Middle Ages " ...so not a pointless

post,a prominent psychohistorian (deMause) has noted the same connection with

how parenting styles create our views,even when they are involuntary and

bizarrely out of place for our own moment in historical time--our nadas are

medieval!!!...

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Lol! Yes, I heard once that " sun spots " (or maybe it was solar flares) cause

electromagnetic interference to happen on earth, like cause static with radio

and TV signals, screwing up satellite frequencies, phones, etc., so, I jokingly

decided that maybe it affects the neurons/electrical synapses in our brains too.

So when several weird or rude or irritating things/people crop up I just say,

" sun spots " and it helps me not be so aggravated.

RE " The History of Childhood " , yes, the phrase " miniature adults " rings a bell;

they even dressed children as miniature adults.

I think that maybe in some cases our nadas retain that sense that their children

are mere possessions or chattel, treat them as objects, and as resources to be

exploited.

Yes, I agree that the concepts and theories of child welfare and childhood

development in general have improved vastly in our era, thank goodness. And

there is always room for improvement, too.

-Annie

> > >

> > > Ha ha ha,lol,Coal Miner's Daughter,I suffer from " involuntary

superstitious thinking " at times,too.

> > >

> > > It usually happens when I am trying to do something and hit some

sort of snafu---then I catch myself automatically assuming " It's a sign I

shouldn't try to do this,it's going to turn out wrong/bad " .Or once in a while in

the morning before work if I go to get a coffee at the local coffee shop and

encounter somebody else in a pissy or pushy mood,then I catch myself thinking:

" Aw shit,this is going to be a lousy day,it's a sign... " I always tell myself to

stop it because I know rationally that *my own attitude* determines the outcome

of events for the most part and I also resent even having these passing

" superstitious thoughts " because they aren't me.I know that as a child I had to

engage in " magical thinking " alot in the hope of being able to have things be ok

and that got tacked on to reflexive self blame when I got hurt.So some of it is

an old unconscious habit even though I don't " believe " in it.

> > >

> > > I thought it was interesting that you said you feel like one of

those people from the middle ages because I found this website (Lloyd deMause)

that had a graph on it of how different parenting styles relate to different

historical periods--the average nada parenting style with all the

splitting,projection,blame and enmeshment related most to the Medieval

Period.Our nadas " raise " us the way people treated children back in the Middle

Ages...I wanted to post that graph on here but when I went back to that website

I couldn't find it.

> > >

> > > I fend it off,myself,by reminding myself that I *do* have free will

and that dread is just a feeling,not a fact.It only becomes a " fact " if we allow

it to determine our decisions.And I do,at times,even remind myself that I can

resist what does feel like " the pull of the Middle Ages " ...so not a pointless

post,a prominent psychohistorian (deMause) has noted the same connection with

how parenting styles create our views,even when they are involuntary and

bizarrely out of place for our own moment in historical time--our nadas are

medieval!!!...

> > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I love your expression; to get " fluffed up " into a state! I like having phrases

like this that I can tell to myself when Im getting really stressed and

grrrr.... saying that someone is just " fluffing me up into this state " would

help me laugh it off I think! Its kinda cute!

Thanks!

>

> Thanks to everyone to replied to this and set me back on track. You guys are

right. I was just fluffed up into this alarmist state by my dad, and somehow

managed to temporarily forget that there's always *some* kind of emergency

surrounding her health, but that no advice I've ever given her has done anything

but backfire. I'm going to shut my yap.

>

[Guest guest]

I love your expression; to get " fluffed up " into a state! I like having phrases

like this that I can tell to myself when Im getting really stressed and

grrrr.... saying that someone is just " fluffing me up into this state " would

help me laugh it off I think! Its kinda cute!

Thanks!

>

> Thanks to everyone to replied to this and set me back on track. You guys are

right. I was just fluffed up into this alarmist state by my dad, and somehow

managed to temporarily forget that there's always *some* kind of emergency

surrounding her health, but that no advice I've ever given her has done anything

but backfire. I'm going to shut my yap.

>

[Guest guest]

Annie,I'm going to adopt your " sun spots " solution--thanks for sharing.

It's so...sunny...works for me

>

> Lol! Yes, I heard once that " sun spots " (or maybe it was solar flares) cause

electromagnetic interference to happen on earth, like cause static with radio

and TV signals, screwing up satellite frequencies, phones, etc., so, I jokingly

decided that maybe it affects the neurons/electrical synapses in our brains too.

So when several weird or rude or irritating things/people crop up I just say,

" sun spots " and it helps me not be so aggravated.

>

> RE " The History of Childhood " , yes, the phrase " miniature adults " rings a

bell; they even dressed children as miniature adults.

>

> I think that maybe in some cases our nadas retain that sense that their

children are mere possessions or chattel, treat them as objects, and as

resources to be exploited.

>

> Yes, I agree that the concepts and theories of child welfare and childhood

development in general have improved vastly in our era, thank goodness. And

there is always room for improvement, too.

>

> -Annie

[Guest guest]

Annie,I'm going to adopt your " sun spots " solution--thanks for sharing.

It's so...sunny...works for me

>

> Lol! Yes, I heard once that " sun spots " (or maybe it was solar flares) cause

electromagnetic interference to happen on earth, like cause static with radio

and TV signals, screwing up satellite frequencies, phones, etc., so, I jokingly

decided that maybe it affects the neurons/electrical synapses in our brains too.

So when several weird or rude or irritating things/people crop up I just say,

" sun spots " and it helps me not be so aggravated.

>

> RE " The History of Childhood " , yes, the phrase " miniature adults " rings a

bell; they even dressed children as miniature adults.

>

> I think that maybe in some cases our nadas retain that sense that their

children are mere possessions or chattel, treat them as objects, and as

resources to be exploited.

>

> Yes, I agree that the concepts and theories of child welfare and childhood

development in general have improved vastly in our era, thank goodness. And

there is always room for improvement, too.

>

> -Annie

[Guest guest]

Annie,I'm going to adopt your " sun spots " solution--thanks for sharing.

It's so...sunny...works for me

>

> Lol! Yes, I heard once that " sun spots " (or maybe it was solar flares) cause

electromagnetic interference to happen on earth, like cause static with radio

and TV signals, screwing up satellite frequencies, phones, etc., so, I jokingly

decided that maybe it affects the neurons/electrical synapses in our brains too.

So when several weird or rude or irritating things/people crop up I just say,

" sun spots " and it helps me not be so aggravated.

>

> RE " The History of Childhood " , yes, the phrase " miniature adults " rings a

bell; they even dressed children as miniature adults.

>

> I think that maybe in some cases our nadas retain that sense that their

children are mere possessions or chattel, treat them as objects, and as

resources to be exploited.

>

> Yes, I agree that the concepts and theories of child welfare and childhood

development in general have improved vastly in our era, thank goodness. And

there is always room for improvement, too.

>

> -Annie

[Guest guest]

I say " it must be a full moon " .

Or my favourite line from Love Actually-

Oh, Fuck wank bugger shitting arse head and hole! (I just think it, I dont say

it....) ;]

> >

> > Lol! Yes, I heard once that " sun spots " (or maybe it was solar flares)

cause electromagnetic interference to happen on earth, like cause static with

radio and TV signals, screwing up satellite frequencies, phones, etc., so, I

jokingly decided that maybe it affects the neurons/electrical synapses in our

brains too. So when several weird or rude or irritating things/people crop up I

just say, " sun spots " and it helps me not be so aggravated.

> >

> > RE " The History of Childhood " , yes, the phrase " miniature adults " rings a

bell; they even dressed children as miniature adults.

> >

> > I think that maybe in some cases our nadas retain that sense that their

children are mere possessions or chattel, treat them as objects, and as

resources to be exploited.

> >

> > Yes, I agree that the concepts and theories of child welfare and childhood

development in general have improved vastly in our era, thank goodness. And

there is always room for improvement, too.

> >

> > -Annie

>

[Guest guest]

I say " it must be a full moon " .

Or my favourite line from Love Actually-

Oh, Fuck wank bugger shitting arse head and hole! (I just think it, I dont say

it....) ;]

> >

> > Lol! Yes, I heard once that " sun spots " (or maybe it was solar flares)

cause electromagnetic interference to happen on earth, like cause static with

radio and TV signals, screwing up satellite frequencies, phones, etc., so, I

jokingly decided that maybe it affects the neurons/electrical synapses in our

brains too. So when several weird or rude or irritating things/people crop up I

just say, " sun spots " and it helps me not be so aggravated.

> >

> > RE " The History of Childhood " , yes, the phrase " miniature adults " rings a

bell; they even dressed children as miniature adults.

> >

> > I think that maybe in some cases our nadas retain that sense that their

children are mere possessions or chattel, treat them as objects, and as

resources to be exploited.

> >

> > Yes, I agree that the concepts and theories of child welfare and childhood

development in general have improved vastly in our era, thank goodness. And

there is always room for improvement, too.

> >

> > -Annie

>

[Guest guest]

I say " it must be a full moon " .

Or my favourite line from Love Actually-

Oh, Fuck wank bugger shitting arse head and hole! (I just think it, I dont say

it....) ;]

> >

> > Lol! Yes, I heard once that " sun spots " (or maybe it was solar flares)

cause electromagnetic interference to happen on earth, like cause static with

radio and TV signals, screwing up satellite frequencies, phones, etc., so, I

jokingly decided that maybe it affects the neurons/electrical synapses in our

brains too. So when several weird or rude or irritating things/people crop up I

just say, " sun spots " and it helps me not be so aggravated.

> >

> > RE " The History of Childhood " , yes, the phrase " miniature adults " rings a

bell; they even dressed children as miniature adults.

> >

> > I think that maybe in some cases our nadas retain that sense that their

children are mere possessions or chattel, treat them as objects, and as

resources to be exploited.

> >

> > Yes, I agree that the concepts and theories of child welfare and childhood

development in general have improved vastly in our era, thank goodness. And

there is always room for improvement, too.

> >

> > -Annie

>

[Guest guest]

If I was in your position, I definitely would NOT mention nada's weight.

Since nada is fat, she will turn it around and tell you that you're fat. And if

you're not, then she will literally try to make you fat, so then she can

ridicule you and throw up in your face that " See? You're just like me. " Not

saying that it would go down just like that, but I'm speaking from personal

experience here I learned not to bring up one single word about her

appearance, her weight, anything, really, because she would then lash out at me.

But on the days that I was feeling particularly spiteful, especially when I was

a " rebellious " teenager and she would exclaim " I've lost weight! " I would look

her up and down and ask, " Where? " It only took about 10 years of asinine

comments like that before she figured out not to say anything about her weight

to me anymore lol.

> >

> > Annie,

> > That's a great image - Queen nada with a court of bobble-head

> > dolls.

> >

> > I try to turn nada's questions back on her because answering

> > anything that requires an opinion that might be different from

> > nada's is dangerous. If I can't do that I try to give a neutral

> > answer. " Does my hair look okay? " is one of my nada's worst

> > questions. There's no possible good answer to that. If I say it

> > does, she'll later decide that it wasn't perfect and blame me

> > for saying it was okay. If I say it doesn't, and she doesn't see

> > anything wrong with it, then I've insulted her hairdo and thus

> > her as a person. The question is made even worse by the fact

> > that she has a history of choosing hair styles and colors that I

> > think look awful at best.

> >

> >

> >

>