Borderline Father

[Guest guest]

I thought the discussion about the " goodguy " fathers and the witch/queen

mothers was super interesting. I joined this group in the hope of

understanding whether my parents had borderline. My father was the " goodguy "

and I think it's safe to say he would be borderline whereas my mother was

the queen/witch narcissist with antisocial and histrionic and borderline

thrown in for good measure. I would be so interested to hear if any of you

have that kind of arrangement. The borderlines in my life have been male but

I do see some female ones too. I don't really buy that borderline is more

predominant in females. Wherever you have a capital V Victim and someone who

takes zero responsibility for the damage they inflict? I usually see a

borderline. I also think that bad behavior is far better tolerated in men

but that's another subject I suppose.

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> > That was what I got,day in and day out from the FOO,this being nothing

> and nobody.I nourished my soul alot on natural beauty,like sunsets,taking

> comfort from beauty,drawing a feeling of hope from that.So when other people

> don't appreciate the soul nourishing qualities of beautiful events like

> sunsets and I am the only one who seems to notice,I get triggered back into

> feeling like I am utterly alone; the only one who *needs* the comfort of

> natural beauty,like my mood and my perception mean nothing because they are

> only meaningful to me and I also remember how that happened and that hurts.I

> actually don't think that I've ever told this to anyone--what I do is never

> mention it at all and turn my attention back to the other person or people

> like everything is fine.I have never been able to explain this " utterly

> alone " feeling so I try to deal with it on my own.The second part of this

> particular Complex PTSD symptom is also feeling as if nobody else would ever

> understand! And,lol,I just don't expect anyone to.

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> sending retroactive (((((little ))))) hugs - I'm with

> Annie - that story about you choking in front of your grandmother and her

> not even noticing or caring, my God. I think that plumber was an angel of

> sorts. I bet it broke his heart to leave that day knowing the world you

> lived in. It really is a miracle you survived.

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> I have a similar relationship with nature. My comfort was the trees, the

> stars, the animals, the sky...I always felt my perceptions of them deeply,

> sometimes it was the only thing that could nourish me. I've even

> occasionally kept an occasional pet spider or fly (ok that was rare) just to

> feel connected to another living thing. It amazes me too how many people are

> oblivious to the natural beauty and life around them - and you are right,

> they have the luxury to be because they feel deeply and automatically

> connected to the human life surrounding them. But they also are missing out

> on something very special. I remember feeling " separate " from the flow of

> connected humanity particularly starting around age six. I remember this one

> oak tree particularly well and also a little girl who said she didn't like

> me and feeling crushed by it. Should that be crushing? Probably not, but

> when your sense of self is already squashed the rough and tumble of ordinary

> kid interactions is quite difficult.

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> Ahhhh, just rambling now. But I say thank to the moon and stars and sun,

> thanks to the cats and grasshoppers and caterpillars, thanks to the tall

> grasses and trees and wild places.

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