Looking for help to feel happy again

[Guest guest]

Hi Everyone, I have just joined after reading Stop Walking On Eggshells. My mum

is the Bp person in my life, or I should say, not in my life. We have not spoken

a word to each other in 5 years. I have seen councellors, psychologists,drs, you

name it. Read hundreds of self help books, but nothing seems to help how I feel.

Im just beginning to realise that my mum really didnt ever love me, seems too

unbelievable. I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder about 2 years ago

and have worked hard to control it. I can now see that the stress really did

just become too much for me to handle. My friends could not accept my diagnosis

as I have always been known as the strong one, the one who has always held

everyone and everything together. I know that I am better off without my toxic

mother in my life, but that does not help the longing I have to be loved and

wanted by her. I know that this can never happen, what do I do to stop feeling

so sad. Is it just a matter of time.

[Guest guest]

Hi Sherrie...what you said, replicate for me nearly exactly to the T with very

few exceptions...I do not miss my mom being in my life and I haven't spoken to

my mom in 3 years. I suffered her emotional and verbal abuse my whole life but

after a run in with her and inadvertently choosing someone I suspect is also a

borderline at the same time, I realized I needed to change my expectations, stop

enabling bad behavior and get the toxic uninterested in healing people way out

of my life and get myself into some supportive therapy. I have to mourn the

loss of the mother that I expected to have in life for she is most certainly

dead. However, there is a biological connection with an unknown woman I have.

My mom got ahold of my number night before last and unleashed the wildest

accusations, the most vile and vulgar insults I have never heard before and the

post-traumatic stress response fired in full force. But, I stepped back from my

phone and took a breath and decided this time to respond. I've not responded to

a single attempt of hers to contact me in years. However, I am working an

Al-anon program and decided to use the opportunity to make amends. I told her

that I apologized for hurting her, which I did. I also set a boundary at the

same time by stating as long as she was abusive with me, she could not be in my

life. I then changed my phone number. I will tollerate bad behavior from no

one. Abuse is insidious, harmful and wrong. I will not suffer it not one day

and I don't care who someone is to me. I read the book Stop Walking on

Eggshells but here's the thing, my mom is so emotionally and verbally abusive, I

am not the slightest bit interested in changing my behavior to cater to someone

so hurtful and wounding. She's got a problem and refuses help. It's my choice

who I maintain relationships with and I choose to discontinue my relationship

with my mother. I am so much happier and at peace without her in my life. My

friends are so loving and supportive and well, the spiritual path I'm on makes

me not depend on love from any source in the outside world.

So, it hurt like heck to see mom's criticism being unleashed in such an

insidious, vile and vindictive manner. But I know it's not about me, it's about

her issues. Your mom, due to her illness, has missed out on a wonderful

opportunity to have a relationship with her beautiful daughter. You can

reparent yourself. something that might also be helpful for you is Adult

Children of Alcoholics. It not just for kids who grew up with an alcoholic

parent but also for those who grew up in a dysfunctional home. The steps they

go through will help you heal and grow past this very difficult and unfair

situation you face. It will help you gain control of your thoughts and

feelings. Check it out. You can find the big red book of ACOA on the internet.

I highly recommend it as it made me heal.

I wish you much healing, much love and much happiness on this difficult journey

you face but know...you are the strong one...you can be okay even without your

mom in your life.

>

> Hi Everyone, I have just joined after reading Stop Walking On Eggshells. My

mum is the Bp person in my life, or I should say, not in my life. We have not

spoken a word to each other in 5 years. I have seen councellors,

psychologists,drs, you name it. Read hundreds of self help books, but nothing

seems to help how I feel. Im just beginning to realise that my mum really didnt

ever love me, seems too unbelievable. I was diagnosed with general anxiety

disorder about 2 years ago and have worked hard to control it. I can now see

that the stress really did just become too much for me to handle. My friends

could not accept my diagnosis as I have always been known as the strong one, the

one who has always held everyone and everything together. I know that I am

better off without my toxic mother in my life, but that does not help the

longing I have to be loved and wanted by her. I know that this can never happen,

what do I do to stop feeling so sad. Is it just a matter of time.

>

[Guest guest]

One thing that might help you to feel better about your decision to have NC...is

that I have contact with my mom...and you are better off. I think the guilt of

NC is the better of a bad situation than staying in contact and being further in

her presence. My mom no longer does and says the horrible things she used to say

that broke me. But the remembrance of her killing words and actions is torturous

and twisting at times. I know that being NC would have been better for me in the

long run. I only keep a relationship because of my own guilt that she induced in

me...and that my kids have a great relationship with her. I don't want to take

that away from them (as long as she totally behaves herself).

Living with the damage she created is so overwhelming at certain times...but

hearing her voice is worse. I hate to say it...but it's true. I don't wish bad

on my mom...I just can't deal with her sweet voice. It's just too twisting in my

logic and memory.

I hope that helped.

Amy

Looking for help to feel happy again

Hi Everyone, I have just joined after reading Stop Walking On Eggshells. My mum

is the Bp person in my life, or I should say, not in my life. We have not spoken

a word to each other in 5 years. I have seen councellors, psychologists,drs, you

name it. Read hundreds of self help books, but nothing seems to help how I feel.

Im just beginning to realise that my mum really didnt ever love me, seems too

unbelievable. I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder about 2 years ago

and have worked hard to control it. I can now see that the stress really did

just become too much for me to handle. My friends could not accept my diagnosis

as I have always been known as the strong one, the one who has always held

everyone and everything together. I know that I am better off without my toxic

mother in my life, but that does not help the longing I have to be loved and

wanted by her. I know that this can never happen, what do I do to stop feeling

so sad. Is it just a matter of time .

[Guest guest]

One thing that might help you to feel better about your decision to have NC...is

that I have contact with my mom...and you are better off. I think the guilt of

NC is the better of a bad situation than staying in contact and being further in

her presence. My mom no longer does and says the horrible things she used to say

that broke me. But the remembrance of her killing words and actions is torturous

and twisting at times. I know that being NC would have been better for me in the

long run. I only keep a relationship because of my own guilt that she induced in

me...and that my kids have a great relationship with her. I don't want to take

that away from them (as long as she totally behaves herself).

Living with the damage she created is so overwhelming at certain times...but

hearing her voice is worse. I hate to say it...but it's true. I don't wish bad

on my mom...I just can't deal with her sweet voice. It's just too twisting in my

logic and memory.

I hope that helped.

Amy

Looking for help to feel happy again

Hi Everyone, I have just joined after reading Stop Walking On Eggshells. My mum

is the Bp person in my life, or I should say, not in my life. We have not spoken

a word to each other in 5 years. I have seen councellors, psychologists,drs, you

name it. Read hundreds of self help books, but nothing seems to help how I feel.

Im just beginning to realise that my mum really didnt ever love me, seems too

unbelievable. I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder about 2 years ago

and have worked hard to control it. I can now see that the stress really did

just become too much for me to handle. My friends could not accept my diagnosis

as I have always been known as the strong one, the one who has always held

everyone and everything together. I know that I am better off without my toxic

mother in my life, but that does not help the longing I have to be loved and

wanted by her. I know that this can never happen, what do I do to stop feeling

so sad. Is it just a matter of time .

[Guest guest]

I have been dealing with the same thing myself. It's been four months since I

last spoke to my mom and it is tearing me up. We were always extremely close

growing up, but in the last few years it's gotten to the point where we can't

even talk. Now I am feeling depressed. No one I know seems to understand. The

fact that the holidays are coming up is making it harder - it'll be the first

year the family is torn up this way, and many of us are having to celebrate two

or three times in order to see the people we love.

I'm not sure what the answer is. I don't know how to stop feeling so orphaned

and alone and, honestly, grief-stricken. It is very hard and you have my

sympathy!

>

> Hi Everyone, I have just joined after reading Stop Walking On Eggshells. My

mum is the Bp person in my life, or I should say, not in my life. We have not

spoken a word to each other in 5 years. I have seen councellors,

psychologists,drs, you name it. Read hundreds of self help books, but nothing

seems to help how I feel. Im just beginning to realise that my mum really didnt

ever love me, seems too unbelievable. I was diagnosed with general anxiety

disorder about 2 years ago and have worked hard to control it. I can now see

that the stress really did just become too much for me to handle. My friends

could not accept my diagnosis as I have always been known as the strong one, the

one who has always held everyone and everything together. I know that I am

better off without my toxic mother in my life, but that does not help the

longing I have to be loved and wanted by her. I know that this can never happen,

what do I do to stop feeling so sad. Is it just a matter of time.

>

[Guest guest]

I have been dealing with the same thing myself. It's been four months since I

last spoke to my mom and it is tearing me up. We were always extremely close

growing up, but in the last few years it's gotten to the point where we can't

even talk. Now I am feeling depressed. No one I know seems to understand. The

fact that the holidays are coming up is making it harder - it'll be the first

year the family is torn up this way, and many of us are having to celebrate two

or three times in order to see the people we love.

I'm not sure what the answer is. I don't know how to stop feeling so orphaned

and alone and, honestly, grief-stricken. It is very hard and you have my

sympathy!

>

> Hi Everyone, I have just joined after reading Stop Walking On Eggshells. My

mum is the Bp person in my life, or I should say, not in my life. We have not

spoken a word to each other in 5 years. I have seen councellors,

psychologists,drs, you name it. Read hundreds of self help books, but nothing

seems to help how I feel. Im just beginning to realise that my mum really didnt

ever love me, seems too unbelievable. I was diagnosed with general anxiety

disorder about 2 years ago and have worked hard to control it. I can now see

that the stress really did just become too much for me to handle. My friends

could not accept my diagnosis as I have always been known as the strong one, the

one who has always held everyone and everything together. I know that I am

better off without my toxic mother in my life, but that does not help the

longing I have to be loved and wanted by her. I know that this can never happen,

what do I do to stop feeling so sad. Is it just a matter of time.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi! I just joined a few minutes ago and posted a message. Don't know

if it shows up yet or not. I feel for you! I lived with a BP

mother-in-law for over twenty years before finding any relief. Her

issues consumed my family's life and caused damage, both mental &

physical. I, too, was diagnosed with anxiety disorder, which went into

overdrive in her presence. Please know that you are not the only one

out there. Also, you can only fix yourself, so your focus should be on

maintaining your boundaries where you are safe and accepting that your

relationship with your mother may not be possible in the way you wish.

I will say that after hitting 70 yrs, my mother-in-law has stopped

abusing us, or at least she hasn't since last Thanksgiving (her last

meltdown). She actually has been nice and has shown a measure of love.

I have read that some BPD symptoms do get better as BPs age. Maybe

there is hope. Connecting with people, both in person and online, helps

tremendously.

>

> Hi Everyone, I have just joined after reading Stop Walking On

Eggshells. My mum is the Bp person in my life, or I should say, not in

my life. We have not spoken a word to each other in 5 years. I have seen

councellors, psychologists,drs, you name it. Read hundreds of self help

books, but nothing seems to help how I feel. Im just beginning to

realise that my mum really didnt ever love me, seems too unbelievable. I

was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder about 2 years ago and have

worked hard to control it. I can now see that the stress really did just

become too much for me to handle. My friends could not accept my

diagnosis as I have always been known as the strong one, the one who has

always held everyone and everything together. I know that I am better

off without my toxic mother in my life, but that does not help the

longing I have to be loved and wanted by her. I know that this can never

happen, what do I do to stop feeling so sad. Is it just a matter of

time.

>

[Guest guest]

So sorry to hear about that longing I think a lot of us feel something

similar. Part of my problem is that I see my best friend every once in awhile to

catch up--she is currently down on her luck and living with her mom--and their

relationship is so deep, unconditional, and accepting; her mother always offers

her strength and support no matter what she's going through as a divorcee with a

minimum wage job.

To say that I envy her can't begin to capture the longing that I feel to have

someone like that in my life. Unfortunately my defunct nada never has been and

never will be that someone. My father is almost as self-centered and remote.

If only we could get rid of that yearning!! I know, deep down, that my nada's

calm and affectionate spells are only the relative calm before the storm, yet I

still try to every once in awhile to generate a relationship, just in time to

get torn down again.

It takes a very rare kind of BP, in my opinion and from what I've read, to get

them to realize they are TOXIC and killing everything around them--that they

need professional help. Most people from what I've seen never will reach that

stage. It hurts a lot--I can't even put it to words, and I can't imagine your

pain--but I am currently working on resigning myself--detaching myself--to never

having that mother figure in my life. The nada I was provided with never has

been and never will be suited or able to fill that role for me.

Best of luck, and thanks for opening up. It always helps me a lot to hear from

others going through similar things,

Elle

>

> One thing that might help you to feel better about your decision to have

NC...is that I have contact with my mom...and you are better off. I think the

guilt of NC is the better of a bad situation than staying in contact and being

further in her presence. My mom no longer does and says the horrible things she

used to say that broke me. But the remembrance of her killing words and actions

is torturous and twisting at times. I know that being NC would have been better

for me in the long run. I only keep a relationship because of my own guilt that

she induced in me...and that my kids have a great relationship with her. I don't

want to take that away from them (as long as she totally behaves herself).

>

>

> Living with the damage she created is so overwhelming at certain times...but

hearing her voice is worse. I hate to say it...but it's true. I don't wish bad

on my mom...I just can't deal with her sweet voice. It's just too twisting in my

logic and memory.

>

>

> I hope that helped.

> Amy

>

>

>

>

>

> Looking for help to feel happy again

>

>

>

>

>

> Hi Everyone, I have just joined after reading Stop Walking On Eggshells. My

mum is the Bp person in my life, or I should say, not in my life. We have not

spoken a word to each other in 5 years. I have seen councellors,

psychologists,drs, you name it. Read hundreds of self help books, but nothing

seems to help how I feel. Im just beginning to realise that my mum really didnt

ever love me, seems too unbelievable. I was diagnosed with general anxiety

disorder about 2 years ago and have worked hard to control it. I can now see

that the stress really did just become too much for me to handle. My friends

could not accept my diagnosis as I have always been known as the strong one, the

one who has always held everyone and everything together. I know that I am

better off without my toxic mother in my life, but that does not help the

longing I have to be loved and wanted by her. I know that this can never happen,

what do I do to stop feeling so sad. Is it just a matter of time .

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

So sorry to hear about that longing I think a lot of us feel something

similar. Part of my problem is that I see my best friend every once in awhile to

catch up--she is currently down on her luck and living with her mom--and their

relationship is so deep, unconditional, and accepting; her mother always offers

her strength and support no matter what she's going through as a divorcee with a

minimum wage job.

To say that I envy her can't begin to capture the longing that I feel to have

someone like that in my life. Unfortunately my defunct nada never has been and

never will be that someone. My father is almost as self-centered and remote.

If only we could get rid of that yearning!! I know, deep down, that my nada's

calm and affectionate spells are only the relative calm before the storm, yet I

still try to every once in awhile to generate a relationship, just in time to

get torn down again.

It takes a very rare kind of BP, in my opinion and from what I've read, to get

them to realize they are TOXIC and killing everything around them--that they

need professional help. Most people from what I've seen never will reach that

stage. It hurts a lot--I can't even put it to words, and I can't imagine your

pain--but I am currently working on resigning myself--detaching myself--to never

having that mother figure in my life. The nada I was provided with never has

been and never will be suited or able to fill that role for me.

Best of luck, and thanks for opening up. It always helps me a lot to hear from

others going through similar things,

Elle

>

> One thing that might help you to feel better about your decision to have

NC...is that I have contact with my mom...and you are better off. I think the

guilt of NC is the better of a bad situation than staying in contact and being

further in her presence. My mom no longer does and says the horrible things she

used to say that broke me. But the remembrance of her killing words and actions

is torturous and twisting at times. I know that being NC would have been better

for me in the long run. I only keep a relationship because of my own guilt that

she induced in me...and that my kids have a great relationship with her. I don't

want to take that away from them (as long as she totally behaves herself).

>

>

> Living with the damage she created is so overwhelming at certain times...but

hearing her voice is worse. I hate to say it...but it's true. I don't wish bad

on my mom...I just can't deal with her sweet voice. It's just too twisting in my

logic and memory.

>

>

> I hope that helped.

> Amy

>

>

>

>

>

> Looking for help to feel happy again

>

>

>

>

>

> Hi Everyone, I have just joined after reading Stop Walking On Eggshells. My

mum is the Bp person in my life, or I should say, not in my life. We have not

spoken a word to each other in 5 years. I have seen councellors,

psychologists,drs, you name it. Read hundreds of self help books, but nothing

seems to help how I feel. Im just beginning to realise that my mum really didnt

ever love me, seems too unbelievable. I was diagnosed with general anxiety

disorder about 2 years ago and have worked hard to control it. I can now see

that the stress really did just become too much for me to handle. My friends

could not accept my diagnosis as I have always been known as the strong one, the

one who has always held everyone and everything together. I know that I am

better off without my toxic mother in my life, but that does not help the

longing I have to be loved and wanted by her. I know that this can never happen,

what do I do to stop feeling so sad. Is it just a matter of time .

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

So sorry to hear about that longing I think a lot of us feel something

similar. Part of my problem is that I see my best friend every once in awhile to

catch up--she is currently down on her luck and living with her mom--and their

relationship is so deep, unconditional, and accepting; her mother always offers

her strength and support no matter what she's going through as a divorcee with a

minimum wage job.

To say that I envy her can't begin to capture the longing that I feel to have

someone like that in my life. Unfortunately my defunct nada never has been and

never will be that someone. My father is almost as self-centered and remote.

If only we could get rid of that yearning!! I know, deep down, that my nada's

calm and affectionate spells are only the relative calm before the storm, yet I

still try to every once in awhile to generate a relationship, just in time to

get torn down again.

It takes a very rare kind of BP, in my opinion and from what I've read, to get

them to realize they are TOXIC and killing everything around them--that they

need professional help. Most people from what I've seen never will reach that

stage. It hurts a lot--I can't even put it to words, and I can't imagine your

pain--but I am currently working on resigning myself--detaching myself--to never

having that mother figure in my life. The nada I was provided with never has

been and never will be suited or able to fill that role for me.

Best of luck, and thanks for opening up. It always helps me a lot to hear from

others going through similar things,

Elle

>

> One thing that might help you to feel better about your decision to have

NC...is that I have contact with my mom...and you are better off. I think the

guilt of NC is the better of a bad situation than staying in contact and being

further in her presence. My mom no longer does and says the horrible things she

used to say that broke me. But the remembrance of her killing words and actions

is torturous and twisting at times. I know that being NC would have been better

for me in the long run. I only keep a relationship because of my own guilt that

she induced in me...and that my kids have a great relationship with her. I don't

want to take that away from them (as long as she totally behaves herself).

>

>

> Living with the damage she created is so overwhelming at certain times...but

hearing her voice is worse. I hate to say it...but it's true. I don't wish bad

on my mom...I just can't deal with her sweet voice. It's just too twisting in my

logic and memory.

>

>

> I hope that helped.

> Amy

>

>

>

>

>

> Looking for help to feel happy again

>

>

>

>

>

> Hi Everyone, I have just joined after reading Stop Walking On Eggshells. My

mum is the Bp person in my life, or I should say, not in my life. We have not

spoken a word to each other in 5 years. I have seen councellors,

psychologists,drs, you name it. Read hundreds of self help books, but nothing

seems to help how I feel. Im just beginning to realise that my mum really didnt

ever love me, seems too unbelievable. I was diagnosed with general anxiety

disorder about 2 years ago and have worked hard to control it. I can now see

that the stress really did just become too much for me to handle. My friends

could not accept my diagnosis as I have always been known as the strong one, the

one who has always held everyone and everything together. I know that I am

better off without my toxic mother in my life, but that does not help the

longing I have to be loved and wanted by her. I know that this can never happen,

what do I do to stop feeling so sad. Is it just a matter of time .

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Sherrie,

Welcome to the group. I really relate to your longing and envy that you

mentioned. I found it hard to accept that I did not have the Mother I longed for

and spent many years trying to make it happen. I lived on hope that she would

change one day.

Once learning of BPD it helped me to realise I didn't have the problem and that

she did. It was than a stage of grief, anger, acceptance then letting go.

Unfortunately we have to go through these stages. I began mothering myself and

focused on all the good things I have in my life. It was a lot of self talking,

reading and being active. Trying to let go of the past. I went NC, then my head

was driving me crazy as I relived so much of the pain and anger.

The monkey chatter would not stop and even though she was no longer physically

in my life I still felt poisoned. Every time the chatter started I told it to

stop and focused my attention to good things.

This takes practice. Even though I have no religion my spiritual ways helped

me. I meditate and pray and ask for strength on the days I feel my lowest.

Amazingly a nice thing will happen or someone will offer a kind gesture and I

know that I am going to be ok.

I am so much better now. It has been one year since NC. This is my first

Christmas without contact and I am a little anxious to what may happen from her

part.

One big mile stone is that I am not beating myself up or feeling guilty that I

should contact her. I am not Wondering what she is doing and if she is sad or

okay. I am not angry because she hasn't made an effort to change after

expressing my concerns for her. I just decided to let go and stop flogging a

hopeless situation.

I am just creating new traditions with my husband and daughter and feeling

thankful that even though I don't have the mother I want I am blessed for all

the other beautiful people in my life that love me, respect me and treat me very

special.

I hope the sharing and support here can help you know you are not alone.

May you find peace and healing and belief that one day the sadness will lessen.

I think sadness is always there because it is a sad situation having a bpd

mother. I am still sad for what could of been,not only for me but our daughter,

but I am now living a life of freedom from anxiety and false hope.

Be kind to yourself and just take one day at a time. Just a few stages to go

through for healing to take place. It does get easier. Yes it is just a matter

of time.

We deserve happiness. This is not a dress rehersal.

Kazam x

>

> Hi Everyone, I have just joined after reading Stop Walking On Eggshells. My

mum is the Bp person in my life, or I should say, not in my life. We have not

spoken a word to each other in 5 years. I have seen councellors,

psychologists,drs, you name it. Read hundreds of self help books, but nothing

seems to help how I feel. Im just beginning to realise that my mum really didnt

ever love me, seems too unbelievable. I was diagnosed with general anxiety

disorder about 2 years ago and have worked hard to control it. I can now see

that the stress really did just become too much for me to handle. My friends

could not accept my diagnosis as I have always been known as the strong one, the

one who has always held everyone and everything together. I know that I am

better off without my toxic mother in my life, but that does not help the

longing I have to be loved and wanted by her. I know that this can never happen,

what do I do to stop feeling so sad. Is it just a matter of time.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Sherrie,

Welcome to the group. I really relate to your longing and envy that you

mentioned. I found it hard to accept that I did not have the Mother I longed for

and spent many years trying to make it happen. I lived on hope that she would

change one day.

Once learning of BPD it helped me to realise I didn't have the problem and that

she did. It was than a stage of grief, anger, acceptance then letting go.

Unfortunately we have to go through these stages. I began mothering myself and

focused on all the good things I have in my life. It was a lot of self talking,

reading and being active. Trying to let go of the past. I went NC, then my head

was driving me crazy as I relived so much of the pain and anger.

The monkey chatter would not stop and even though she was no longer physically

in my life I still felt poisoned. Every time the chatter started I told it to

stop and focused my attention to good things.

This takes practice. Even though I have no religion my spiritual ways helped

me. I meditate and pray and ask for strength on the days I feel my lowest.

Amazingly a nice thing will happen or someone will offer a kind gesture and I

know that I am going to be ok.

I am so much better now. It has been one year since NC. This is my first

Christmas without contact and I am a little anxious to what may happen from her

part.

One big mile stone is that I am not beating myself up or feeling guilty that I

should contact her. I am not Wondering what she is doing and if she is sad or

okay. I am not angry because she hasn't made an effort to change after

expressing my concerns for her. I just decided to let go and stop flogging a

hopeless situation.

I am just creating new traditions with my husband and daughter and feeling

thankful that even though I don't have the mother I want I am blessed for all

the other beautiful people in my life that love me, respect me and treat me very

special.

I hope the sharing and support here can help you know you are not alone.

May you find peace and healing and belief that one day the sadness will lessen.

I think sadness is always there because it is a sad situation having a bpd

mother. I am still sad for what could of been,not only for me but our daughter,

but I am now living a life of freedom from anxiety and false hope.

Be kind to yourself and just take one day at a time. Just a few stages to go

through for healing to take place. It does get easier. Yes it is just a matter

of time.

We deserve happiness. This is not a dress rehersal.

Kazam x

>

> Hi Everyone, I have just joined after reading Stop Walking On Eggshells. My

mum is the Bp person in my life, or I should say, not in my life. We have not

spoken a word to each other in 5 years. I have seen councellors,

psychologists,drs, you name it. Read hundreds of self help books, but nothing

seems to help how I feel. Im just beginning to realise that my mum really didnt

ever love me, seems too unbelievable. I was diagnosed with general anxiety

disorder about 2 years ago and have worked hard to control it. I can now see

that the stress really did just become too much for me to handle. My friends

could not accept my diagnosis as I have always been known as the strong one, the

one who has always held everyone and everything together. I know that I am

better off without my toxic mother in my life, but that does not help the

longing I have to be loved and wanted by her. I know that this can never happen,

what do I do to stop feeling so sad. Is it just a matter of time.

>

[Guest guest]

The letting-go " state " is so very hard.....and takes so long.......and is so

painful.....and seems to keep cycling back to zero.........I am so glad to read

your post and know that, at least for you, progress has been made........!!

~ Alastriona ~ 

Subject: Re: Looking for help to feel happy again

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Thursday, December 16, 2010, 4:12 PM

Hi Sherrie,

Welcome to the group.  I really relate to your longing and envy that you

mentioned. I found it hard to accept that I did not have the Mother I longed for

and spent many years trying to make it happen.  I lived on hope that she would

change one day.

Once learning of BPD it helped me to realise I didn't have the problem and that

she did.  It was than a stage of grief, anger, acceptance then letting go. 

Unfortunately we have to go through these stages.  I began mothering myself and

focused on all the good things I have in my life.  It was a lot of self talking,

reading and being active.  Trying to let go of the past. I went NC, then my head

was driving me crazy as I relived so much of the pain and anger.

The monkey chatter would not stop and even though she was no longer physically

in my life I still felt poisoned.  Every time the chatter started I told it to

stop and focused my attention to good things. 

This takes practice. Even though I have no religion  my spiritual ways helped

me.  I meditate and pray and ask for strength on the days I feel my lowest. 

Amazingly a nice thing will happen or someone will offer a kind gesture and I

know that I am going to be ok.

I am so much better now. It has been one year since NC.  This is my first

Christmas without contact and I am a little anxious to what may happen from her

part.

One big mile stone is that I am not beating myself up or feeling guilty that I

should contact her. I am not  Wondering what she is doing and if she is sad or

okay.  I am not angry because she hasn't made an effort to change after

expressing my concerns for her. I just decided to let go and stop flogging a

hopeless situation. 

I am just creating new traditions with my husband and daughter and feeling

thankful that even though I don't have the mother I want I am blessed for all

the other beautiful people in my life that love me, respect me and treat me very

special.

I hope the sharing and support here can help you know you are not alone. 

May you find peace and healing and belief that one day the sadness will lessen. 

I think sadness is always there because it is a sad situation having a bpd

mother.  I am still sad for what could of been,not only for me but our daughter,

but I am now living a life of freedom from anxiety and false hope.

Be kind to yourself and just take one day at a time. Just a few stages to go

through for healing to take place. It does get easier.  Yes it is just a matter

of time. 

We deserve happiness.  This is not a dress rehersal. 

Kazam x

>

> Hi Everyone, I have just joined after reading Stop Walking On Eggshells. My

mum is the Bp person in my life, or I should say, not in my life. We have not

spoken a word to each other in 5 years. I have seen councellors,

psychologists,drs, you name it. Read hundreds of self help books, but nothing

seems to help how I feel. Im just beginning to realise that my mum really didnt

ever love me, seems too unbelievable. I was diagnosed with general anxiety

disorder about 2 years ago and have worked hard to control it. I can now see

that the stress really did just become too much for me to handle. My friends

could not accept my diagnosis as I have always been known as the strong one, the

one who has always held everyone and everything together. I know that I am

better off without my toxic mother in my life, but that does not help the

longing I have to be loved and wanted by her. I know that this can never happen,

what do I do to stop feeling so sad. Is it just a

matter of time.

>

------------------------------------

**This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new book The Essential

Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop

Walking on Eggshells, available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write

@.... DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe .

Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline Parent, " and

" Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to find)

[Guest guest]

The letting-go " state " is so very hard.....and takes so long.......and is so

painful.....and seems to keep cycling back to zero.........I am so glad to read

your post and know that, at least for you, progress has been made........!!

~ Alastriona ~ 

Subject: Re: Looking for help to feel happy again

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Thursday, December 16, 2010, 4:12 PM

Hi Sherrie,

Welcome to the group.  I really relate to your longing and envy that you

mentioned. I found it hard to accept that I did not have the Mother I longed for

and spent many years trying to make it happen.  I lived on hope that she would

change one day.

Once learning of BPD it helped me to realise I didn't have the problem and that

she did.  It was than a stage of grief, anger, acceptance then letting go. 

Unfortunately we have to go through these stages.  I began mothering myself and

focused on all the good things I have in my life.  It was a lot of self talking,

reading and being active.  Trying to let go of the past. I went NC, then my head

was driving me crazy as I relived so much of the pain and anger.

The monkey chatter would not stop and even though she was no longer physically

in my life I still felt poisoned.  Every time the chatter started I told it to

stop and focused my attention to good things. 

This takes practice. Even though I have no religion  my spiritual ways helped

me.  I meditate and pray and ask for strength on the days I feel my lowest. 

Amazingly a nice thing will happen or someone will offer a kind gesture and I

know that I am going to be ok.

I am so much better now. It has been one year since NC.  This is my first

Christmas without contact and I am a little anxious to what may happen from her

part.

One big mile stone is that I am not beating myself up or feeling guilty that I

should contact her. I am not  Wondering what she is doing and if she is sad or

okay.  I am not angry because she hasn't made an effort to change after

expressing my concerns for her. I just decided to let go and stop flogging a

hopeless situation. 

I am just creating new traditions with my husband and daughter and feeling

thankful that even though I don't have the mother I want I am blessed for all

the other beautiful people in my life that love me, respect me and treat me very

special.

I hope the sharing and support here can help you know you are not alone. 

May you find peace and healing and belief that one day the sadness will lessen. 

I think sadness is always there because it is a sad situation having a bpd

mother.  I am still sad for what could of been,not only for me but our daughter,

but I am now living a life of freedom from anxiety and false hope.

Be kind to yourself and just take one day at a time. Just a few stages to go

through for healing to take place. It does get easier.  Yes it is just a matter

of time. 

We deserve happiness.  This is not a dress rehersal. 

Kazam x

>

> Hi Everyone, I have just joined after reading Stop Walking On Eggshells. My

mum is the Bp person in my life, or I should say, not in my life. We have not

spoken a word to each other in 5 years. I have seen councellors,

psychologists,drs, you name it. Read hundreds of self help books, but nothing

seems to help how I feel. Im just beginning to realise that my mum really didnt

ever love me, seems too unbelievable. I was diagnosed with general anxiety

disorder about 2 years ago and have worked hard to control it. I can now see

that the stress really did just become too much for me to handle. My friends

could not accept my diagnosis as I have always been known as the strong one, the

one who has always held everyone and everything together. I know that I am

better off without my toxic mother in my life, but that does not help the

longing I have to be loved and wanted by her. I know that this can never happen,

what do I do to stop feeling so sad. Is it just a

matter of time.

>

------------------------------------

**This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new book The Essential

Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop

Walking on Eggshells, available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write

@.... DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe .

Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline Parent, " and

" Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to find)

[Guest guest]

The letting-go " state " is so very hard.....and takes so long.......and is so

painful.....and seems to keep cycling back to zero.........I am so glad to read

your post and know that, at least for you, progress has been made........!!

~ Alastriona ~ 

Subject: Re: Looking for help to feel happy again

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Thursday, December 16, 2010, 4:12 PM

Hi Sherrie,

Welcome to the group.  I really relate to your longing and envy that you

mentioned. I found it hard to accept that I did not have the Mother I longed for

and spent many years trying to make it happen.  I lived on hope that she would

change one day.

Once learning of BPD it helped me to realise I didn't have the problem and that

she did.  It was than a stage of grief, anger, acceptance then letting go. 

Unfortunately we have to go through these stages.  I began mothering myself and

focused on all the good things I have in my life.  It was a lot of self talking,

reading and being active.  Trying to let go of the past. I went NC, then my head

was driving me crazy as I relived so much of the pain and anger.

The monkey chatter would not stop and even though she was no longer physically

in my life I still felt poisoned.  Every time the chatter started I told it to

stop and focused my attention to good things. 

This takes practice. Even though I have no religion  my spiritual ways helped

me.  I meditate and pray and ask for strength on the days I feel my lowest. 

Amazingly a nice thing will happen or someone will offer a kind gesture and I

know that I am going to be ok.

I am so much better now. It has been one year since NC.  This is my first

Christmas without contact and I am a little anxious to what may happen from her

part.

One big mile stone is that I am not beating myself up or feeling guilty that I

should contact her. I am not  Wondering what she is doing and if she is sad or

okay.  I am not angry because she hasn't made an effort to change after

expressing my concerns for her. I just decided to let go and stop flogging a

hopeless situation. 

I am just creating new traditions with my husband and daughter and feeling

thankful that even though I don't have the mother I want I am blessed for all

the other beautiful people in my life that love me, respect me and treat me very

special.

I hope the sharing and support here can help you know you are not alone. 

May you find peace and healing and belief that one day the sadness will lessen. 

I think sadness is always there because it is a sad situation having a bpd

mother.  I am still sad for what could of been,not only for me but our daughter,

but I am now living a life of freedom from anxiety and false hope.

Be kind to yourself and just take one day at a time. Just a few stages to go

through for healing to take place. It does get easier.  Yes it is just a matter

of time. 

We deserve happiness.  This is not a dress rehersal. 

Kazam x

>

> Hi Everyone, I have just joined after reading Stop Walking On Eggshells. My

mum is the Bp person in my life, or I should say, not in my life. We have not

spoken a word to each other in 5 years. I have seen councellors,

psychologists,drs, you name it. Read hundreds of self help books, but nothing

seems to help how I feel. Im just beginning to realise that my mum really didnt

ever love me, seems too unbelievable. I was diagnosed with general anxiety

disorder about 2 years ago and have worked hard to control it. I can now see

that the stress really did just become too much for me to handle. My friends

could not accept my diagnosis as I have always been known as the strong one, the

one who has always held everyone and everything together. I know that I am

better off without my toxic mother in my life, but that does not help the

longing I have to be loved and wanted by her. I know that this can never happen,

what do I do to stop feeling so sad. Is it just a

matter of time.

>

------------------------------------

**This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new book The Essential

Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop

Walking on Eggshells, available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write

@.... DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe .

Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline Parent, " and

" Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to find)

[Guest guest]

Just echoing beautiful poster's here...NC also for me was the only way that I

could stop being damaged. In order to heal from abuse, you have to get

yourself away from the abuse. Then you can begin to examine it, understand it

and choose the right course of healing for you. Letting go of the guilt was

hard for me. It did take 3 years of no contact whatsoever. Nada contacted me a

week ago today and it brought all the horrible things back, reminded me why I

was in NC state with her and why I chose to be free from her abuse. I'm glad to

say that although that contact was hard and it brought back very difficult

feelings, they passed in the course of a week once I could assure my inner child

that she was absolutely safe from nada's harm.

I'm back to a state of forgiveness...Forgiving nada, for me, is the only way

that I can stop carrying guilt, anger and toxic emotion. I also had to forgive

me for ever trying to be her rescuer and hero...it was those actions that

repulsed me as much as her abuse. It was anger, fear, pain and all sorts of

toxic emotion that got nada where she is...I just don't want to go there. A

friend suggested I consider forgiveness at a time that felt right for me. That

time came and I can honestly say I no longer feel any guilt, no shame, and no

fear. In my situation, her words could hurt me only as long as I let them...her

words represent insanity and something that doesn't even remotely resemble the

truth so, no need for me to suffer over twisted realities, illusions and hatred

of someone else.

Spirituality gave me a different way of looking at things and so I too am very

much into meditation, seeing the world and life as a giant play we all have

rolls to convey...it helps to keep things in perspective. To feel happy again,

look for those things in the world you find beautiful...look for those things in

life that fulfill you...read, paint, dance, sing and know that your life is not

about nadas. Your life is about you.

> >

> > Hi Everyone, I have just joined after reading Stop Walking On Eggshells. My

mum is the Bp person in my life, or I should say, not in my life. We have not

spoken a word to each other in 5 years. I have seen councellors,

psychologists,drs, you name it. Read hundreds of self help books, but nothing

seems to help how I feel. Im just beginning to realise that my mum really didnt

ever love me, seems too unbelievable. I was diagnosed with general anxiety

disorder about 2 years ago and have worked hard to control it. I can now see

that the stress really did just become too much for me to handle. My friends

could not accept my diagnosis as I have always been known as the strong one, the

one who has always held everyone and everything together. I know that I am

better off without my toxic mother in my life, but that does not help the

longing I have to be loved and wanted by her. I know that this can never happen,

what do I do to stop feeling so sad. Is it just a

> matter of time.

> >

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new book The Essential

Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop

Walking on Eggshells, available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write

@... DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

>

> To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe

>

> Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline Parent, " and

" Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to find)

[Guest guest]

Just echoing beautiful poster's here...NC also for me was the only way that I

could stop being damaged. In order to heal from abuse, you have to get

yourself away from the abuse. Then you can begin to examine it, understand it

and choose the right course of healing for you. Letting go of the guilt was

hard for me. It did take 3 years of no contact whatsoever. Nada contacted me a

week ago today and it brought all the horrible things back, reminded me why I

was in NC state with her and why I chose to be free from her abuse. I'm glad to

say that although that contact was hard and it brought back very difficult

feelings, they passed in the course of a week once I could assure my inner child

that she was absolutely safe from nada's harm.

I'm back to a state of forgiveness...Forgiving nada, for me, is the only way

that I can stop carrying guilt, anger and toxic emotion. I also had to forgive

me for ever trying to be her rescuer and hero...it was those actions that

repulsed me as much as her abuse. It was anger, fear, pain and all sorts of

toxic emotion that got nada where she is...I just don't want to go there. A

friend suggested I consider forgiveness at a time that felt right for me. That

time came and I can honestly say I no longer feel any guilt, no shame, and no

fear. In my situation, her words could hurt me only as long as I let them...her

words represent insanity and something that doesn't even remotely resemble the

truth so, no need for me to suffer over twisted realities, illusions and hatred

of someone else.

Spirituality gave me a different way of looking at things and so I too am very

much into meditation, seeing the world and life as a giant play we all have

rolls to convey...it helps to keep things in perspective. To feel happy again,

look for those things in the world you find beautiful...look for those things in

life that fulfill you...read, paint, dance, sing and know that your life is not

about nadas. Your life is about you.

> >

> > Hi Everyone, I have just joined after reading Stop Walking On Eggshells. My

mum is the Bp person in my life, or I should say, not in my life. We have not

spoken a word to each other in 5 years. I have seen councellors,

psychologists,drs, you name it. Read hundreds of self help books, but nothing

seems to help how I feel. Im just beginning to realise that my mum really didnt

ever love me, seems too unbelievable. I was diagnosed with general anxiety

disorder about 2 years ago and have worked hard to control it. I can now see

that the stress really did just become too much for me to handle. My friends

could not accept my diagnosis as I have always been known as the strong one, the

one who has always held everyone and everything together. I know that I am

better off without my toxic mother in my life, but that does not help the

longing I have to be loved and wanted by her. I know that this can never happen,

what do I do to stop feeling so sad. Is it just a

> matter of time.

> >

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new book The Essential

Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop

Walking on Eggshells, available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write

@... DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

>

> To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe

>

> Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline Parent, " and

" Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to find)

[Guest guest]

Just echoing beautiful poster's here...NC also for me was the only way that I

could stop being damaged. In order to heal from abuse, you have to get

yourself away from the abuse. Then you can begin to examine it, understand it

and choose the right course of healing for you. Letting go of the guilt was

hard for me. It did take 3 years of no contact whatsoever. Nada contacted me a

week ago today and it brought all the horrible things back, reminded me why I

was in NC state with her and why I chose to be free from her abuse. I'm glad to

say that although that contact was hard and it brought back very difficult

feelings, they passed in the course of a week once I could assure my inner child

that she was absolutely safe from nada's harm.

I'm back to a state of forgiveness...Forgiving nada, for me, is the only way

that I can stop carrying guilt, anger and toxic emotion. I also had to forgive

me for ever trying to be her rescuer and hero...it was those actions that

repulsed me as much as her abuse. It was anger, fear, pain and all sorts of

toxic emotion that got nada where she is...I just don't want to go there. A

friend suggested I consider forgiveness at a time that felt right for me. That

time came and I can honestly say I no longer feel any guilt, no shame, and no

fear. In my situation, her words could hurt me only as long as I let them...her

words represent insanity and something that doesn't even remotely resemble the

truth so, no need for me to suffer over twisted realities, illusions and hatred

of someone else.

Spirituality gave me a different way of looking at things and so I too am very

much into meditation, seeing the world and life as a giant play we all have

rolls to convey...it helps to keep things in perspective. To feel happy again,

look for those things in the world you find beautiful...look for those things in

life that fulfill you...read, paint, dance, sing and know that your life is not

about nadas. Your life is about you.

> >

> > Hi Everyone, I have just joined after reading Stop Walking On Eggshells. My

mum is the Bp person in my life, or I should say, not in my life. We have not

spoken a word to each other in 5 years. I have seen councellors,

psychologists,drs, you name it. Read hundreds of self help books, but nothing

seems to help how I feel. Im just beginning to realise that my mum really didnt

ever love me, seems too unbelievable. I was diagnosed with general anxiety

disorder about 2 years ago and have worked hard to control it. I can now see

that the stress really did just become too much for me to handle. My friends

could not accept my diagnosis as I have always been known as the strong one, the

one who has always held everyone and everything together. I know that I am

better off without my toxic mother in my life, but that does not help the

longing I have to be loved and wanted by her. I know that this can never happen,

what do I do to stop feeling so sad. Is it just a

> matter of time.

> >

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new book The Essential

Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop

Walking on Eggshells, available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write

@... DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

>

> To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe

>

> Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline Parent, " and

" Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to find)

[Guest guest]

That's beautifully written Jaie and great advice.

Kazam x

> > >

> > > Hi Everyone, I have just joined after reading Stop Walking On Eggshells.

My mum is the Bp person in my life, or I should say, not in my life. We have not

spoken a word to each other in 5 years. I have seen councellors,

psychologists,drs, you name it. Read hundreds of self help books, but nothing

seems to help how I feel. Im just beginning to realise that my mum really didnt

ever love me, seems too unbelievable. I was diagnosed with general anxiety

disorder about 2 years ago and have worked hard to control it. I can now see

that the stress really did just become too much for me to handle. My friends

could not accept my diagnosis as I have always been known as the strong one, the

one who has always held everyone and everything together. I know that I am

better off without my toxic mother in my life, but that does not help the

longing I have to be loved and wanted by her. I know that this can never happen,

what do I do to stop feeling so sad. Is it just a

> > matter of time.

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ------------------------------------

> >

> > **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new book The Essential

Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop

Walking on Eggshells, available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @

DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

> >

> > To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe

> >

> > Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline Parent, " and

" Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to find)

[Guest guest]

That's beautifully written Jaie and great advice.

Kazam x

> > >

> > > Hi Everyone, I have just joined after reading Stop Walking On Eggshells.

My mum is the Bp person in my life, or I should say, not in my life. We have not

spoken a word to each other in 5 years. I have seen councellors,

psychologists,drs, you name it. Read hundreds of self help books, but nothing

seems to help how I feel. Im just beginning to realise that my mum really didnt

ever love me, seems too unbelievable. I was diagnosed with general anxiety

disorder about 2 years ago and have worked hard to control it. I can now see

that the stress really did just become too much for me to handle. My friends

could not accept my diagnosis as I have always been known as the strong one, the

one who has always held everyone and everything together. I know that I am

better off without my toxic mother in my life, but that does not help the

longing I have to be loved and wanted by her. I know that this can never happen,

what do I do to stop feeling so sad. Is it just a

> > matter of time.

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ------------------------------------

> >

> > **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new book The Essential

Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop

Walking on Eggshells, available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @

DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

> >

> > To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe

> >

> > Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline Parent, " and

" Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to find)

[Guest guest]

That's beautifully written Jaie and great advice.

Kazam x

> > >

> > > Hi Everyone, I have just joined after reading Stop Walking On Eggshells.

My mum is the Bp person in my life, or I should say, not in my life. We have not

spoken a word to each other in 5 years. I have seen councellors,

psychologists,drs, you name it. Read hundreds of self help books, but nothing

seems to help how I feel. Im just beginning to realise that my mum really didnt

ever love me, seems too unbelievable. I was diagnosed with general anxiety

disorder about 2 years ago and have worked hard to control it. I can now see

that the stress really did just become too much for me to handle. My friends

could not accept my diagnosis as I have always been known as the strong one, the

one who has always held everyone and everything together. I know that I am

better off without my toxic mother in my life, but that does not help the

longing I have to be loved and wanted by her. I know that this can never happen,

what do I do to stop feeling so sad. Is it just a

> > matter of time.

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ------------------------------------

> >

> > **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new book The Essential

Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop

Walking on Eggshells, available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @

DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

> >

> > To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe

> >

> > Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline Parent, " and

" Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to find)