Guest guest Posted December 17, 2010 Report Share Posted December 17, 2010 What a strong, tough, brave little girl! Proud of you! Bravo!!! On Fri, Dec 17, 2010 at 7:34 AM, Arianna wrote: > > > So many of our stories are so similar! > > My mother has resented and tried hard to alienate all my friends over the > years. She criticizes and belittles them, says cruel things. Once when I was > younger (in my early 20s) I let something slip in her presence (something a > little critical of a friend, not a big thing). As soon as I was out of sight > and earshot she called my friend and told her how I was " badmouthing " her, > etc. etc. > > I do believe it is the intense jealousy and fear of abandonment that drives > them to do this. > > And as far as CONSTANTLY comparing me to people - I don't even know where > to start. She compares me to cousins, friends, celebrities, etc. and tells > me how inadequate I am and how I have wasted my potential. It's the > underhanded pseudo-compliments that really infuriate me. " You are brilliant > and beautiful, and you have wasted your life. Look at so-and-so, she is not > 1/10th of you and look at the kind of house she lives in, the kind of > vacations she takes... " etc. etc. etc. > > Arianna > > > > > > > Hey, Casey, > > > > Sorry to hear about this happening to you Yes, they really get latched > onto an idea they like and won't let it go. But maybe it has something to do > with her failed marriage? Since I don't know your nada, I obviously can't > say, but maybe it's worth analyzing somehow. I know a lot of the BP insanity > comes from really incredible self-hatred. Or maybe just total emotional > immaturity, who's to say? > > > > Agh, this reminds me of something that happened to me in high school. I > wonder if your mom is jealous of your relationship with your friend who had > a baby (congratulations to her, by the way!). I pose this idea because out > of nowhere about six years ago, my nada got it into her head that I was a > lesbian with my best friend. To be honest, even though I was not healthy > emotionally at the time, once she suggested this to me, I could only laugh. > It has nothing to do with the fact that I'm utterly heterosexual, just that > the idea came out of NOWHERE and she was so incredibly convinced that she > was crying. She had been thinking about this for three days from what I > could tell before addressing me. Not only did she seem to think (and she > couldn't get off this one) that I had become a lesbian because of some books > my friend lent me an additional four years earlier, but she announced with > all the zealous of a martyr that she could and was going to stop me from > seeing my friend. > > > > Of course I thought to myself, " Wow, this is NUTS. How do I even approach > this? " But in hindsight, I see her bigotry, intense fear, and jealousy of my > closeness to that friend. On various occasions she would say things like, " I > know you tell her what a bitch I am! " and urge me on whenever I had an > argument with my friend (which is normal), saying terrible things about her > as if it were her place and she could incite me to disconnect. > > > > Anyway, what it comes down to is me wondering, do you think your nada is > jealous of your friendship? Or do you think it has something to do with her > own hatred of how her marriage is/was? Or maybe it's just emotional > immaturity and bigotry...Who knows? > > > > Thanks for posting. It's great to know you're not alone. > > > > Elle > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 17, 2010 Report Share Posted December 17, 2010 Number one with a bullet on the " Characteristics of Narcissistic Mothers " list includes " cruelties couched in loving terms " . My nada was/is a master of the backhanded compliment and the stealth insult: " 1. Everything she does is deniable. There is always a facile excuse or an explanation. Cruelties are couched in loving terms. Aggressive and hostile acts are paraded as thoughtfulness. Selfish manipulations are presented as gifts. Criticism and slander is slyly disguised as concern. She only wants what is best for you. She only wants to help you. She rarely says right out that she thinks you're inadequate. Instead, any time that you tell her you've done something good, she counters with something your sibling did that was better or she simply ignores you or she hears you out without saying anything, then in a short time does something cruel to you so you understand not to get above yourself. She will carefully separate cause (your joy in your accomplishment) from effect (refusing to let you borrow the car to go to the awards ceremony) by enough time that someone who didn't live through her abuse would never believe the connection. Many of her putdowns are simply by comparison. She'll talk about how wonderful someone else is or what a wonderful job they did on something you've also done or how highly she thinks of them. The contrast is left up to you. She has let you know that you're no good without saying a word. She'll spoil your pleasure in something by simply congratulating you for it in an angry, envious voice that conveys how unhappy she is, again, completely deniably. It is impossible to confront someone over their tone of voice, their demeanor or they way they look at you, but once your narcissistic mother has you trained, she can promise terrible punishment without a word. As a result, you're always afraid, always in the wrong, and can never exactly put your finger on why. Because her abusiveness is part of a lifelong campaign of control and because she is careful to rationalize her abuse, it is extremely difficult to explain to other people what is so bad about her. She's also careful about when and how she engages in her abuses. She's very secretive, a characteristic of almost all abusers ( " Don't wash our dirty laundry in public! " ) and will punish you for telling anyone else what she's done. The times and locations of her worst abuses are carefully chosen so that no one who might intervene will hear or see her bad behavior, and she will seem like a completely different person in public. She'll slam you to other people, but will always embed her devaluing nuggets of snide gossip in protestations of concern, love and understanding ( " I feel so sorry for poor . She always seems to have such a hard time, but I just don't know what I can do for her! " ) As a consequence the children of narcissists universally report that no one believes them ( " I have to tell you that she always talks about YOU in the most caring way!). Unfortunately therapists, given the deniable actions of the narcissist and eager to defend a fellow parent, will often jump to the narcissist's defense as well, reinforcing your sense of isolation and helplessness ( " I'm sure she didn't mean it like that! " ) " Here is the link to the rest of the list: http://sites.google.com/site/harpyschild/ -Annie > > > > Hey, Casey, > > > > Sorry to hear about this happening to you Yes, they really get latched onto an idea they like and won't let it go. But maybe it has something to do with her failed marriage? Since I don't know your nada, I obviously can't say, but maybe it's worth analyzing somehow. I know a lot of the BP insanity comes from really incredible self-hatred. Or maybe just total emotional immaturity, who's to say? > > > > Agh, this reminds me of something that happened to me in high school. I wonder if your mom is jealous of your relationship with your friend who had a baby (congratulations to her, by the way!). I pose this idea because out of nowhere about six years ago, my nada got it into her head that I was a lesbian with my best friend. To be honest, even though I was not healthy emotionally at the time, once she suggested this to me, I could only laugh. It has nothing to do with the fact that I'm utterly heterosexual, just that the idea came out of NOWHERE and she was so incredibly convinced that she was crying. She had been thinking about this for three days from what I could tell before addressing me. Not only did she seem to think (and she couldn't get off this one) that I had become a lesbian because of some books my friend lent me an additional four years earlier, but she announced with all the zealous of a martyr that she could and was going to stop me from seeing my friend. > > > > Of course I thought to myself, " Wow, this is NUTS. How do I even approach this? " But in hindsight, I see her bigotry, intense fear, and jealousy of my closeness to that friend. On various occasions she would say things like, " I know you tell her what a bitch I am! " and urge me on whenever I had an argument with my friend (which is normal), saying terrible things about her as if it were her place and she could incite me to disconnect. > > > > Anyway, what it comes down to is me wondering, do you think your nada is jealous of your friendship? Or do you think it has something to do with her own hatred of how her marriage is/was? Or maybe it's just emotional immaturity and bigotry...Who knows? > > > > Thanks for posting. It's great to know you're not alone. > > > > Elle > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 17, 2010 Report Share Posted December 17, 2010 Number one with a bullet on the " Characteristics of Narcissistic Mothers " list includes " cruelties couched in loving terms " . My nada was/is a master of the backhanded compliment and the stealth insult: " 1. Everything she does is deniable. There is always a facile excuse or an explanation. Cruelties are couched in loving terms. Aggressive and hostile acts are paraded as thoughtfulness. Selfish manipulations are presented as gifts. Criticism and slander is slyly disguised as concern. She only wants what is best for you. She only wants to help you. She rarely says right out that she thinks you're inadequate. Instead, any time that you tell her you've done something good, she counters with something your sibling did that was better or she simply ignores you or she hears you out without saying anything, then in a short time does something cruel to you so you understand not to get above yourself. She will carefully separate cause (your joy in your accomplishment) from effect (refusing to let you borrow the car to go to the awards ceremony) by enough time that someone who didn't live through her abuse would never believe the connection. Many of her putdowns are simply by comparison. She'll talk about how wonderful someone else is or what a wonderful job they did on something you've also done or how highly she thinks of them. The contrast is left up to you. She has let you know that you're no good without saying a word. She'll spoil your pleasure in something by simply congratulating you for it in an angry, envious voice that conveys how unhappy she is, again, completely deniably. It is impossible to confront someone over their tone of voice, their demeanor or they way they look at you, but once your narcissistic mother has you trained, she can promise terrible punishment without a word. As a result, you're always afraid, always in the wrong, and can never exactly put your finger on why. Because her abusiveness is part of a lifelong campaign of control and because she is careful to rationalize her abuse, it is extremely difficult to explain to other people what is so bad about her. She's also careful about when and how she engages in her abuses. She's very secretive, a characteristic of almost all abusers ( " Don't wash our dirty laundry in public! " ) and will punish you for telling anyone else what she's done. The times and locations of her worst abuses are carefully chosen so that no one who might intervene will hear or see her bad behavior, and she will seem like a completely different person in public. She'll slam you to other people, but will always embed her devaluing nuggets of snide gossip in protestations of concern, love and understanding ( " I feel so sorry for poor . She always seems to have such a hard time, but I just don't know what I can do for her! " ) As a consequence the children of narcissists universally report that no one believes them ( " I have to tell you that she always talks about YOU in the most caring way!). Unfortunately therapists, given the deniable actions of the narcissist and eager to defend a fellow parent, will often jump to the narcissist's defense as well, reinforcing your sense of isolation and helplessness ( " I'm sure she didn't mean it like that! " ) " Here is the link to the rest of the list: http://sites.google.com/site/harpyschild/ -Annie > > > > Hey, Casey, > > > > Sorry to hear about this happening to you Yes, they really get latched onto an idea they like and won't let it go. But maybe it has something to do with her failed marriage? Since I don't know your nada, I obviously can't say, but maybe it's worth analyzing somehow. I know a lot of the BP insanity comes from really incredible self-hatred. Or maybe just total emotional immaturity, who's to say? > > > > Agh, this reminds me of something that happened to me in high school. I wonder if your mom is jealous of your relationship with your friend who had a baby (congratulations to her, by the way!). I pose this idea because out of nowhere about six years ago, my nada got it into her head that I was a lesbian with my best friend. To be honest, even though I was not healthy emotionally at the time, once she suggested this to me, I could only laugh. It has nothing to do with the fact that I'm utterly heterosexual, just that the idea came out of NOWHERE and she was so incredibly convinced that she was crying. She had been thinking about this for three days from what I could tell before addressing me. Not only did she seem to think (and she couldn't get off this one) that I had become a lesbian because of some books my friend lent me an additional four years earlier, but she announced with all the zealous of a martyr that she could and was going to stop me from seeing my friend. > > > > Of course I thought to myself, " Wow, this is NUTS. How do I even approach this? " But in hindsight, I see her bigotry, intense fear, and jealousy of my closeness to that friend. On various occasions she would say things like, " I know you tell her what a bitch I am! " and urge me on whenever I had an argument with my friend (which is normal), saying terrible things about her as if it were her place and she could incite me to disconnect. > > > > Anyway, what it comes down to is me wondering, do you think your nada is jealous of your friendship? Or do you think it has something to do with her own hatred of how her marriage is/was? Or maybe it's just emotional immaturity and bigotry...Who knows? > > > > Thanks for posting. It's great to know you're not alone. > > > > Elle > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 17, 2010 Report Share Posted December 17, 2010 Number one with a bullet on the " Characteristics of Narcissistic Mothers " list includes " cruelties couched in loving terms " . My nada was/is a master of the backhanded compliment and the stealth insult: " 1. Everything she does is deniable. There is always a facile excuse or an explanation. Cruelties are couched in loving terms. Aggressive and hostile acts are paraded as thoughtfulness. Selfish manipulations are presented as gifts. Criticism and slander is slyly disguised as concern. She only wants what is best for you. She only wants to help you. She rarely says right out that she thinks you're inadequate. Instead, any time that you tell her you've done something good, she counters with something your sibling did that was better or she simply ignores you or she hears you out without saying anything, then in a short time does something cruel to you so you understand not to get above yourself. She will carefully separate cause (your joy in your accomplishment) from effect (refusing to let you borrow the car to go to the awards ceremony) by enough time that someone who didn't live through her abuse would never believe the connection. Many of her putdowns are simply by comparison. She'll talk about how wonderful someone else is or what a wonderful job they did on something you've also done or how highly she thinks of them. The contrast is left up to you. She has let you know that you're no good without saying a word. She'll spoil your pleasure in something by simply congratulating you for it in an angry, envious voice that conveys how unhappy she is, again, completely deniably. It is impossible to confront someone over their tone of voice, their demeanor or they way they look at you, but once your narcissistic mother has you trained, she can promise terrible punishment without a word. As a result, you're always afraid, always in the wrong, and can never exactly put your finger on why. Because her abusiveness is part of a lifelong campaign of control and because she is careful to rationalize her abuse, it is extremely difficult to explain to other people what is so bad about her. She's also careful about when and how she engages in her abuses. She's very secretive, a characteristic of almost all abusers ( " Don't wash our dirty laundry in public! " ) and will punish you for telling anyone else what she's done. The times and locations of her worst abuses are carefully chosen so that no one who might intervene will hear or see her bad behavior, and she will seem like a completely different person in public. She'll slam you to other people, but will always embed her devaluing nuggets of snide gossip in protestations of concern, love and understanding ( " I feel so sorry for poor . She always seems to have such a hard time, but I just don't know what I can do for her! " ) As a consequence the children of narcissists universally report that no one believes them ( " I have to tell you that she always talks about YOU in the most caring way!). Unfortunately therapists, given the deniable actions of the narcissist and eager to defend a fellow parent, will often jump to the narcissist's defense as well, reinforcing your sense of isolation and helplessness ( " I'm sure she didn't mean it like that! " ) " Here is the link to the rest of the list: http://sites.google.com/site/harpyschild/ -Annie > > > > Hey, Casey, > > > > Sorry to hear about this happening to you Yes, they really get latched onto an idea they like and won't let it go. But maybe it has something to do with her failed marriage? Since I don't know your nada, I obviously can't say, but maybe it's worth analyzing somehow. I know a lot of the BP insanity comes from really incredible self-hatred. Or maybe just total emotional immaturity, who's to say? > > > > Agh, this reminds me of something that happened to me in high school. I wonder if your mom is jealous of your relationship with your friend who had a baby (congratulations to her, by the way!). I pose this idea because out of nowhere about six years ago, my nada got it into her head that I was a lesbian with my best friend. To be honest, even though I was not healthy emotionally at the time, once she suggested this to me, I could only laugh. It has nothing to do with the fact that I'm utterly heterosexual, just that the idea came out of NOWHERE and she was so incredibly convinced that she was crying. She had been thinking about this for three days from what I could tell before addressing me. Not only did she seem to think (and she couldn't get off this one) that I had become a lesbian because of some books my friend lent me an additional four years earlier, but she announced with all the zealous of a martyr that she could and was going to stop me from seeing my friend. > > > > Of course I thought to myself, " Wow, this is NUTS. How do I even approach this? " But in hindsight, I see her bigotry, intense fear, and jealousy of my closeness to that friend. On various occasions she would say things like, " I know you tell her what a bitch I am! " and urge me on whenever I had an argument with my friend (which is normal), saying terrible things about her as if it were her place and she could incite me to disconnect. > > > > Anyway, what it comes down to is me wondering, do you think your nada is jealous of your friendship? Or do you think it has something to do with her own hatred of how her marriage is/was? Or maybe it's just emotional immaturity and bigotry...Who knows? > > > > Thanks for posting. It's great to know you're not alone. > > > > Elle > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 17, 2010 Report Share Posted December 17, 2010 my mom did the opposite...she would over-praise me. none of my friends were worthy of me...and when i found my first love,,,he didn't stand a chance with her...nobody was good enough for me and she sabotaged that relationship for 7 years. Sure. any sane person would have left...but I stayed locked in my FOG...frozen and immobilized. she told me it was either her or him...and i had to choose. i made no decision as i couldn't leave either one of them...until my boyfriend couldn't handle it anymore. there were just so many marriage proposals he could offer me til he realized that this situation wasn't getting better. then my mom threatened him with calling the police (for no reason). we were scared and he left. she was so powerful back then. and i was an idiot for staying...but what i've come to know is that she trained me to think this way...there was no way out...no options. amy Re: Nada is so cruel So many of our stories are so similar! My mother has resented and tried hard to alienate all my friends over the years. She criticizes and belittles them, says cruel things. Once when I was younger (in my early 20s) I let something slip in her presence (something a little critical of a friend, not a big thing). As soon as I was out of sight and earshot she called my friend and told her how I was " badmouthing " her, etc. etc. I do believe it is the intense jealousy and fear of abandonment that drives them to do this. And as far as CONSTANTLY comparing me to people - I don't even know where to start. She compares me to cousins, friends, celebrities, etc. and tells me how inadequate I am and how I have wasted my potential. It's the underhanded pseudo-compliments that really infuriate me. " You are brilliant and beautiful, and you have wasted your life. Look at so-and-so, she is not 1/10th of you and look at the kind of house she lives in, the kind of vacations she takes... " etc. etc. etc. Arianna > > Hey, Casey, > > Sorry to hear about this happening to you Yes, they really get latched onto an idea they like and won't let it go. But maybe it has something to do with her failed marriage? Since I don't know your nada, I obviously can't say, but maybe it's worth analyzing somehow. I know a lot of the BP insanity comes from really incredible self-hatred. Or maybe just total emotional immaturity, who's to say? > > Agh, this reminds me of something that happened to me in high school. I wonder if your mom is jealous of your relationship with your friend who had a baby (congratulations to her, by the way!). I pose this idea because out of nowhere about six years ago, my nada got it into her head that I was a lesbian with my best friend. To be honest, even though I was not healthy emotionally at the time, once she suggested this to me, I could only laugh. It has nothing to do with the fact that I'm utterly heterosexual, just that the idea came out of NOWHERE and she was so incredibly convinced that she was crying. She had been thinking about this for three days from what I could tell before addressing me. Not only did she seem to think (and she couldn't get off this one) that I had become a lesbian because of some books my friend lent me an additional four years earlier, but she announced with all the zealous of a martyr that she could and was going to stop me from seeing my friend. > > Of course I thought to myself, " Wow, this is NUTS. How do I even approach this? " But in hindsight, I see her bigotry, intense fear, and jealousy of my closeness to that friend. On various occasions she would say things like, " I know you tell her what a bitch I am! " and urge me on whenever I had an argument with my friend (which is normal), saying terrible things about her as if it were her place and she could incite me to disconnect. > > Anyway, what it comes down to is me wondering, do you think your nada is jealous of your friendship? Or do you think it has something to do with her own hatred of how her marriage is/was? Or maybe it's just emotional immaturity and bigotry...Who knows? > > Thanks for posting. It's great to know you're not alone. > > Elle > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 17, 2010 Report Share Posted December 17, 2010 my mom did the opposite...she would over-praise me. none of my friends were worthy of me...and when i found my first love,,,he didn't stand a chance with her...nobody was good enough for me and she sabotaged that relationship for 7 years. Sure. any sane person would have left...but I stayed locked in my FOG...frozen and immobilized. she told me it was either her or him...and i had to choose. i made no decision as i couldn't leave either one of them...until my boyfriend couldn't handle it anymore. there were just so many marriage proposals he could offer me til he realized that this situation wasn't getting better. then my mom threatened him with calling the police (for no reason). we were scared and he left. she was so powerful back then. and i was an idiot for staying...but what i've come to know is that she trained me to think this way...there was no way out...no options. amy Re: Nada is so cruel So many of our stories are so similar! My mother has resented and tried hard to alienate all my friends over the years. She criticizes and belittles them, says cruel things. Once when I was younger (in my early 20s) I let something slip in her presence (something a little critical of a friend, not a big thing). As soon as I was out of sight and earshot she called my friend and told her how I was " badmouthing " her, etc. etc. I do believe it is the intense jealousy and fear of abandonment that drives them to do this. And as far as CONSTANTLY comparing me to people - I don't even know where to start. She compares me to cousins, friends, celebrities, etc. and tells me how inadequate I am and how I have wasted my potential. It's the underhanded pseudo-compliments that really infuriate me. " You are brilliant and beautiful, and you have wasted your life. Look at so-and-so, she is not 1/10th of you and look at the kind of house she lives in, the kind of vacations she takes... " etc. etc. etc. Arianna > > Hey, Casey, > > Sorry to hear about this happening to you Yes, they really get latched onto an idea they like and won't let it go. But maybe it has something to do with her failed marriage? Since I don't know your nada, I obviously can't say, but maybe it's worth analyzing somehow. I know a lot of the BP insanity comes from really incredible self-hatred. Or maybe just total emotional immaturity, who's to say? > > Agh, this reminds me of something that happened to me in high school. I wonder if your mom is jealous of your relationship with your friend who had a baby (congratulations to her, by the way!). I pose this idea because out of nowhere about six years ago, my nada got it into her head that I was a lesbian with my best friend. To be honest, even though I was not healthy emotionally at the time, once she suggested this to me, I could only laugh. It has nothing to do with the fact that I'm utterly heterosexual, just that the idea came out of NOWHERE and she was so incredibly convinced that she was crying. She had been thinking about this for three days from what I could tell before addressing me. Not only did she seem to think (and she couldn't get off this one) that I had become a lesbian because of some books my friend lent me an additional four years earlier, but she announced with all the zealous of a martyr that she could and was going to stop me from seeing my friend. > > Of course I thought to myself, " Wow, this is NUTS. How do I even approach this? " But in hindsight, I see her bigotry, intense fear, and jealousy of my closeness to that friend. On various occasions she would say things like, " I know you tell her what a bitch I am! " and urge me on whenever I had an argument with my friend (which is normal), saying terrible things about her as if it were her place and she could incite me to disconnect. > > Anyway, what it comes down to is me wondering, do you think your nada is jealous of your friendship? Or do you think it has something to do with her own hatred of how her marriage is/was? Or maybe it's just emotional immaturity and bigotry...Who knows? > > Thanks for posting. It's great to know you're not alone. > > Elle > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 17, 2010 Report Share Posted December 17, 2010 you reminde me on me so many times. I had similar fights with teachers ( and I was exelent student too) but for other abuse kid or other wrong things. When I was in school my schoolmate was aboused by our teacher ( he was the most popular one in the school) The poor girl was a mess and didn't want to report him - I think she was in love in him a bit.) I didn't want to hurt her even more so I didn't tell anybody about this but the teacher and I have had a year loog and wery nasty fight I had let him know that I know what he had done it.......at the and I stoped going to school ( except for writting tests so I can finished her ) and he was to scared to reporte me that I was missing but the morst importnat - he had leaved poor girl alone. Everyhing what all those people did ( or not did for you) is sick, coward and evil - and it is a crime. If you don't reporte a crime you are a accomlice to a criminal ofence. It is horrible you had to deal with that all alone. And I admire your courage and that you didn't let those bastards to totaly humiliate you. And it is so sad that people all around don't reporte or interverne just because thay want to cover their ass. 2010/12/17 christine.depizan > > > Thank you,Annie.I really do appreciate your sympathy very much. > > The rest of this post is a vent... > > There are reasons why the so called " adults " I turned to let me down and it > seems to me that it was also fairly typical for that time period when there > wasn't the same awareness of child abuse as there is today,especially sexual > abuse.I think,too,that the word " adult " is often a misnomer and not just for > Cluster Bs. > > One of the many things I did to make the pervert teacher's working life > miserable after I decided to fight back was to refuse to stand and recite > the Pledge of Allegiance in the morning.I knew that I had a right to refuse > to participate and I thought that if he physically tried to force me to > stand up that I might have legal grounds to complain to the school board > with something they would have to listen to and sanction the teacher,since I > was convinced by then (mid winter) that nobody affiliated with that school > was going to listen to me about the molestation.Unfortunately,the pervert > didn't fall for that trap but it did really get on his nerves and I at least > had the satisfaction of seeing *his* helpless frustration. > > At first he tried sending me to the principal's office to " scare " me into > reciting the pledge.I had announced to the entire clasroom that I was not > going to recite the pledge until Mr. Pervert (I had stopped calling him by > his name,which also began with a P and had two syllables like the word > " pervert " and was simply calling him Mr. Pervert) stopped messing with me > and until *I* had " liberty " from his unwanted touching,advances and sexual > verbal teasing and until *I* had " justice " . > > This announcement marked my first little victory over him because after > that he no longer forced me (on trumped up charges of misbehavior) to remain > behind in the classroom with him when everyone else went outside for > recess.It was when he had me alone like that that he committed the worst of > the abuse. > > The day he sent me to the principal for refusing to say the pledge,I told > him the same thing.He thundered at me that *I* was " doing a very bad thing " > by making such an allegation;that I needed to understand once and for all > that saying such things about someone is " very very wrong " .Did I understand > that? > > I told him, " YOU don't understand,P--- is a pervert. " > > (He actually had a reputation in the school,among the kids,for this.The > boys in my classroom actually joked about it.) > > So he switched tactics and yelled at me that I *had* to recite the Pledge > of Allegiance.I told him there was no law stating that I *had* to. > > He pounded his fist on his desk and shouted, " The Pledge of Allegiance is in > the Constitution! It's the law that you have to say it every morning! " > > I asked him sarcastically if he honestly believed that.I couldn't believe > that he did. > > He insisted, " It's in the Constitution and the Constitution is the law of > the land! " as if he thought it was some fascist decree. > > When I let him know that,in fact,the Pledge of Allegiance is not " in the > Constitution " nor is the Constitution a decree,he reacted by threatening to > suspend me if I continued to refuse to say the pledge. > > I told him to go ahead and do that.I had always been the top student in the > class and had always cared so much about the teacher " liking " me and about > my grades and about being " good " .I had decided the day I went in there to > fight back that I had to give that up because the pervert was using my > concern about my reputation to keep me down.And there I was,someone who had > never been a problem and who had been an excellent student,reduced to being > threatened with suspension and reduced to being glad about it because it > seemed like my only hope of drawing attention to what the pervert was > doing.I would never ever have imagined,before that year,that *I* would not > only be threatened with suspension but would actually welcome it.I couldn't > believe that was happening to me,it was a nightmare,because I was one of > those " good kid " types who before then would have been terrified of > something like being suspended. > > Do you see how screwed I was,having to depend on that idiot to " protect " > me? Nowadays,one would expect a principal to follow the mandater reporter > law if a student came forward disclosing abuse,which I had already done in > December,much less arrogantly than the way I said the same thing in February > but it wasn't the first time I had had to point out to him that the teacher > happened to be a pervert. > > He never did suspend me.To this day,I don't know if he did know that my > allegations could be true and that is why he decided not to push it with a > suspension.I don't know if he did nothing because he suspected I wasn't the > first victim (I couldn't have been: that teacher knew *exactly* what he was > doing when he targeted me) and he didn't want to get into trouble for having > done nothing before me.I don't know,all I know is that he was only thinking > of himself.It reminds me of how the sex abuse in the Catholic church went on > and on for years as the victims were silenced and the perps simply shuttled > from parish to parish even when it was *known* that they were abusers,until > these cases finally made it to court. > > There were reasons why the other " adults " I turned to also failed to > protect me,different ones,but the common demoninator with all of them is > that,like the principal,they chose their own comfort level over the > inconvenience of taking responsibility by acting. > > To paraphrase Judith Herman,all that the perpetrator does is ask the > witnesses to do nothing,while the victim,by seeking redress,demands > engagement.As far as those " adults " I turned to were concerned,it cost > *them* alot less to do nothing than it would have to engage with the reality > of my victimization.I wish that I had been able to understand this back > then: at the time,I thought that they did nothing because I simply wasn't > worth helping. > > That principal wanted me to cave and consent to reciting the Pledge of > Allegiance because that would have made it easier for *him*--basically he > was demanding that I say the " pledge of allegiance " to *his* needs.One of > which was: I need not to deal with the possibility of one of my teachers > being a pedophile...While I was left to deal with the *reality* of that on > my own. > > > > > > > > The layers and layers of abuse you endured are nearly incomprehensible. > Not one adult that you approached for help and who was *supposed* to protect > you, did. In fact, those you went to for help (or were sent to for help) > continued and even escalated the emotional abuse. ((((((())))))) > > > > It truly amazes me how resilient you are, and were. I think that the > human will to survive is so fantastically engineered that when no other > living human being is available to take up our cause, its possible for us to > create one or more rescuers from our own psyche. > > > > If there is such a thing as an afterlife, I hope there is a special > little nook in hell for those who take pleasure in being deliberately cruel > to children. > > > > RE my case, I agree with you that for whatever dark reason my nada seemed > to have an overwhelming compulsion to say (and do) cruel things to me from > time to time: she was a total bitch. On a day-to-day basis, I think I just > kind of " zombied out " or tuned out what was said to me so I could function. > But I do also have " hypernesia " (the opposite of amnesia or dissociating) > which is traumatic memories burned into your brain in vivid detail. The > incident during the business trip is one of those. > > > > -Annie > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 17, 2010 Report Share Posted December 17, 2010 you reminde me on me so many times. I had similar fights with teachers ( and I was exelent student too) but for other abuse kid or other wrong things. When I was in school my schoolmate was aboused by our teacher ( he was the most popular one in the school) The poor girl was a mess and didn't want to report him - I think she was in love in him a bit.) I didn't want to hurt her even more so I didn't tell anybody about this but the teacher and I have had a year loog and wery nasty fight I had let him know that I know what he had done it.......at the and I stoped going to school ( except for writting tests so I can finished her ) and he was to scared to reporte me that I was missing but the morst importnat - he had leaved poor girl alone. Everyhing what all those people did ( or not did for you) is sick, coward and evil - and it is a crime. If you don't reporte a crime you are a accomlice to a criminal ofence. It is horrible you had to deal with that all alone. And I admire your courage and that you didn't let those bastards to totaly humiliate you. And it is so sad that people all around don't reporte or interverne just because thay want to cover their ass. 2010/12/17 christine.depizan > > > Thank you,Annie.I really do appreciate your sympathy very much. > > The rest of this post is a vent... > > There are reasons why the so called " adults " I turned to let me down and it > seems to me that it was also fairly typical for that time period when there > wasn't the same awareness of child abuse as there is today,especially sexual > abuse.I think,too,that the word " adult " is often a misnomer and not just for > Cluster Bs. > > One of the many things I did to make the pervert teacher's working life > miserable after I decided to fight back was to refuse to stand and recite > the Pledge of Allegiance in the morning.I knew that I had a right to refuse > to participate and I thought that if he physically tried to force me to > stand up that I might have legal grounds to complain to the school board > with something they would have to listen to and sanction the teacher,since I > was convinced by then (mid winter) that nobody affiliated with that school > was going to listen to me about the molestation.Unfortunately,the pervert > didn't fall for that trap but it did really get on his nerves and I at least > had the satisfaction of seeing *his* helpless frustration. > > At first he tried sending me to the principal's office to " scare " me into > reciting the pledge.I had announced to the entire clasroom that I was not > going to recite the pledge until Mr. Pervert (I had stopped calling him by > his name,which also began with a P and had two syllables like the word > " pervert " and was simply calling him Mr. Pervert) stopped messing with me > and until *I* had " liberty " from his unwanted touching,advances and sexual > verbal teasing and until *I* had " justice " . > > This announcement marked my first little victory over him because after > that he no longer forced me (on trumped up charges of misbehavior) to remain > behind in the classroom with him when everyone else went outside for > recess.It was when he had me alone like that that he committed the worst of > the abuse. > > The day he sent me to the principal for refusing to say the pledge,I told > him the same thing.He thundered at me that *I* was " doing a very bad thing " > by making such an allegation;that I needed to understand once and for all > that saying such things about someone is " very very wrong " .Did I understand > that? > > I told him, " YOU don't understand,P--- is a pervert. " > > (He actually had a reputation in the school,among the kids,for this.The > boys in my classroom actually joked about it.) > > So he switched tactics and yelled at me that I *had* to recite the Pledge > of Allegiance.I told him there was no law stating that I *had* to. > > He pounded his fist on his desk and shouted, " The Pledge of Allegiance is in > the Constitution! It's the law that you have to say it every morning! " > > I asked him sarcastically if he honestly believed that.I couldn't believe > that he did. > > He insisted, " It's in the Constitution and the Constitution is the law of > the land! " as if he thought it was some fascist decree. > > When I let him know that,in fact,the Pledge of Allegiance is not " in the > Constitution " nor is the Constitution a decree,he reacted by threatening to > suspend me if I continued to refuse to say the pledge. > > I told him to go ahead and do that.I had always been the top student in the > class and had always cared so much about the teacher " liking " me and about > my grades and about being " good " .I had decided the day I went in there to > fight back that I had to give that up because the pervert was using my > concern about my reputation to keep me down.And there I was,someone who had > never been a problem and who had been an excellent student,reduced to being > threatened with suspension and reduced to being glad about it because it > seemed like my only hope of drawing attention to what the pervert was > doing.I would never ever have imagined,before that year,that *I* would not > only be threatened with suspension but would actually welcome it.I couldn't > believe that was happening to me,it was a nightmare,because I was one of > those " good kid " types who before then would have been terrified of > something like being suspended. > > Do you see how screwed I was,having to depend on that idiot to " protect " > me? Nowadays,one would expect a principal to follow the mandater reporter > law if a student came forward disclosing abuse,which I had already done in > December,much less arrogantly than the way I said the same thing in February > but it wasn't the first time I had had to point out to him that the teacher > happened to be a pervert. > > He never did suspend me.To this day,I don't know if he did know that my > allegations could be true and that is why he decided not to push it with a > suspension.I don't know if he did nothing because he suspected I wasn't the > first victim (I couldn't have been: that teacher knew *exactly* what he was > doing when he targeted me) and he didn't want to get into trouble for having > done nothing before me.I don't know,all I know is that he was only thinking > of himself.It reminds me of how the sex abuse in the Catholic church went on > and on for years as the victims were silenced and the perps simply shuttled > from parish to parish even when it was *known* that they were abusers,until > these cases finally made it to court. > > There were reasons why the other " adults " I turned to also failed to > protect me,different ones,but the common demoninator with all of them is > that,like the principal,they chose their own comfort level over the > inconvenience of taking responsibility by acting. > > To paraphrase Judith Herman,all that the perpetrator does is ask the > witnesses to do nothing,while the victim,by seeking redress,demands > engagement.As far as those " adults " I turned to were concerned,it cost > *them* alot less to do nothing than it would have to engage with the reality > of my victimization.I wish that I had been able to understand this back > then: at the time,I thought that they did nothing because I simply wasn't > worth helping. > > That principal wanted me to cave and consent to reciting the Pledge of > Allegiance because that would have made it easier for *him*--basically he > was demanding that I say the " pledge of allegiance " to *his* needs.One of > which was: I need not to deal with the possibility of one of my teachers > being a pedophile...While I was left to deal with the *reality* of that on > my own. > > > > > > > > The layers and layers of abuse you endured are nearly incomprehensible. > Not one adult that you approached for help and who was *supposed* to protect > you, did. In fact, those you went to for help (or were sent to for help) > continued and even escalated the emotional abuse. ((((((())))))) > > > > It truly amazes me how resilient you are, and were. I think that the > human will to survive is so fantastically engineered that when no other > living human being is available to take up our cause, its possible for us to > create one or more rescuers from our own psyche. > > > > If there is such a thing as an afterlife, I hope there is a special > little nook in hell for those who take pleasure in being deliberately cruel > to children. > > > > RE my case, I agree with you that for whatever dark reason my nada seemed > to have an overwhelming compulsion to say (and do) cruel things to me from > time to time: she was a total bitch. On a day-to-day basis, I think I just > kind of " zombied out " or tuned out what was said to me so I could function. > But I do also have " hypernesia " (the opposite of amnesia or dissociating) > which is traumatic memories burned into your brain in vivid detail. The > incident during the business trip is one of those. > > > > -Annie > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 19, 2010 Report Share Posted December 19, 2010 And thank you,Yenaine,for validating that these " adults " who did nothing to help me were *cowards*.And accomplices to a crime.I think it's true that most people,when they don't intervene,are only wanting to cover their own ass--and they will do so even at the expense of a helpless child.I saw this dark side of supposedly " good people " allowing evil to triumph by doing nothing many times as a child and it makes me wonder if those of us who instinctively take an ethical stance and act against wrong doing do so because our own experiences have shown us how *destructive* passivity can be. That's really great what you did for your schoolmate,especially that you were able to take a stand for her without hurting her even more (and that you had the sensitivity and intelligence to do it that way).From what I've read about sexually abusive schoolteachers it's not uncommon for some of them to be the most popular ones--they're usually sociopaths who are fooling others with their " superficial charm " and charisma.And you saw right through him and you let him know.I'll bet he was afraid to report you,the bastard,but thanks to you he left that girl alone.I was like that,too,if I saw another child being bullied I tried to defend them.When I was six there was an older girl on the school bus who was being bullied because of her race,even the bus driver was joining in and laughing at her,so I confronted the kids who were teasing her and said some nasty things to shame the bus driver too--later one day I saw these same kids teasing that girl in the school building and went up to her teacher to tell her that I had already taken those kids to task for it on the bus and asked her why those kids were *still* teasing that girl and this teacher just stood there and stared through me like an effing coward.She sickened me--I realized that she wasn't going to put her neck out to do a damned thing about it and there she was,an *adult* and I was six and I had yelled back at those older kids but she wouldn't dare to? It was,she was,PATHETIC.And immoral.I did manage to shame the bus driver into no longer joining in,though. The teacher who abused me wasn't even popular.The kids didn't even like him,something I eventually turned to my advantage,but he got away with his crap because of how everyone turned a blind eye in spite of his reputation in that school for being a pervert.I was forced to resort to drastic means to teach him a lesson which ended up making me seem like a " bad kid " when I wasn't.I spent February until June waging war against him every day when I should have been studying and learning--what I learned that year was a bitter lesson about life and other peoples' moral cowardice that I was too young to handle and that left me shattered psychologically in many ways for many reasons and all because a pedophile was allowed to run rampant until a *child* had to stop him.It's disgusting that I was punished,slammed,vilified for defending myself when I shouldn't have had to in the first place.Pedophiles are sociopaths.To them,the children they use sexually are only objects,not human beings.Sociopaths take *pleasure* in ruining other people and they only " care " if they get caught--care about *themselves*. I'm glad you had that scumbag teacher squirming.He deserved it,as did my teacher.It's appalling that both of us had to fight them on our own--to sacrifice our own educations because noobdy else was willing to take a stand against their evil.You have my deepest respect for helping that girl.Bravo!!!! > > you reminde me on me so many times. I had similar fights with > teachers > ( and I was exelent student too) but for other abuse kid or other wrong > things. When I was in school my schoolmate was aboused by our teacher ( he > was the most popular one in the school) The poor girl was a mess and didn't > want to report him - I think she was in love in him a bit.) I didn't want to > hurt her even more so I didn't tell anybody about this but the teacher and > I have had a year loog and wery nasty fight I had let him know that I know > what he had done it.......at the and I stoped going to school ( except for > writting tests so I can finished her ) and he was to scared to reporte me > that I was missing but the morst importnat - he had leaved poor girl > alone. > > Everyhing what all those people did ( or not did for you) is sick, coward > and evil - and it is a crime. If you don't reporte a crime you are a > accomlice to a criminal ofence. It is horrible you had to deal with that all > alone. And I admire your courage and that you didn't let those bastards to > totaly humiliate you. And it is so sad that people all around don't reporte > or interverne just because thay want to cover their ass. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 19, 2010 Report Share Posted December 19, 2010 Thanks for posting this link again,Annie! Every time I read this list I'm amazed again at how brilliant and accurate it is.I find it exceptionally validating,mostly for how fada was with me--it was reading this list that convinced me he had to be at least NPD.Nada did many of these things too.All of these characteristics are the stuff of a highly manipulative personality--the people who write in to comment on that " sociopath blog " talk about behaving like the points on this list *on purpose* and with *conscious intent* to play their games with their chosen victims...I don't really understand how the next DSM is being redone for the Axis 2 diagnoses but it seems to me that if what they're going to do is put these kinds of behaviors along a continuum of varying severity,it makes sense since the points on this list seem to be common to BPD,NPD and ASPD (I'm not sure about Histrionic PD). This list is so awseomely well done,it's good to post it again for the members who might not have seen it before. Thanks again! > > Number one with a bullet on the " Characteristics of Narcissistic Mothers " list includes " cruelties couched in loving terms " . My nada was/is a master of the backhanded compliment and the stealth insult: > > " 1. Everything she does is deniable. There is always a facile excuse or an explanation. Cruelties are couched in loving terms. Aggressive and hostile acts are paraded as thoughtfulness. Selfish manipulations are presented as gifts. Criticism and slander is slyly disguised as concern. She only wants what is best for you. She only wants to help you. > > She rarely says right out that she thinks you're inadequate. Instead, any time that you tell her you've done something good, she counters with something your sibling did that was better or she simply ignores you or she hears you out without saying anything, then in a short time does something cruel to you so you understand not to get above yourself. She will carefully separate cause (your joy in your accomplishment) from effect (refusing to let you borrow the car to go to the awards ceremony) by enough time that someone who didn't live through her abuse would never believe the connection. > > Many of her putdowns are simply by comparison. She'll talk about how wonderful someone else is or what a wonderful job they did on something you've also done or how highly she thinks of them. The contrast is left up to you. She has let you know that you're no good without saying a word. She'll spoil your pleasure in something by simply congratulating you for it in an angry, envious voice that conveys how unhappy she is, again, completely deniably. It is impossible to confront someone over their tone of voice, their demeanor or they way they look at you, but once your narcissistic mother has you trained, she can promise terrible punishment without a word. As a result, you're always afraid, always in the wrong, and can never exactly put your finger on why. > > Because her abusiveness is part of a lifelong campaign of control and because she is careful to rationalize her abuse, it is extremely difficult to explain to other people what is so bad about her. She's also careful about when and how she engages in her abuses. She's very secretive, a characteristic of almost all abusers ( " Don't wash our dirty laundry in public! " ) and will punish you for telling anyone else what she's done. The times and locations of her worst abuses are carefully chosen so that no one who might intervene will hear or see her bad behavior, and she will seem like a completely different person in public. She'll slam you to other people, but will always embed her devaluing nuggets of snide gossip in protestations of concern, love and understanding ( " I feel so sorry for poor . She always seems to have such a hard time, but I just don't know what I can do for her! " ) As a consequence the children of narcissists universally report that no one believes them ( " I have to tell you that she always talks about YOU in the most caring way!). Unfortunately therapists, given the deniable actions of the narcissist and eager to defend a fellow parent, will often jump to the narcissist's defense as well, reinforcing your sense of isolation and helplessness ( " I'm sure she didn't mean it like that! " ) " > > Here is the link to the rest of the list: > http://sites.google.com/site/harpyschild/ > > -Annie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 19, 2010 Report Share Posted December 19, 2010 I forgot to tell you the end......after many years this teacher became a mayor! but soon after that he comitted a suicide. My first thougt was that one of this girls ( probably they were some more) had confronted him with what he did ( and maybe even blackmailed him) But even if that was not so the bastard got what he deserved. Like I said before , you reminde me of me . 6 years old girl fighting against rasist system and stupid , coward people....vau ...you were even worst than me..:-))) And yes I think we are such a big figters against the abuses or injustice because we know how it looks , how it feels and because we see ourselves in other vicimts and we know how badly she or he needs support. What was happening to you was very bad and evil ( and definitly a crime - not just pedhofil abuse - the crime was that people around you didn't do what thay had to do to stop it and to protect you) but it is good that you fight back. I met a lot of victims of child abuse and a lot of them suffered even more if they didn't do anything because later thay blame herself or himself for that too. I think thata showing this bastard to go to herll helped your sanity. Have a nice evening and bid BRAVO!! to you too! 2010/12/19 christine.depizan > > > And thank you,Yenaine,for validating that these " adults " who did nothing to > help me were *cowards*.And accomplices to a crime.I think it's true that > most people,when they don't intervene,are only wanting to cover their own > ass--and they will do so even at the expense of a helpless child.I saw this > dark side of supposedly " good people " allowing evil to triumph by doing > nothing many times as a child and it makes me wonder if those of us who > instinctively take an ethical stance and act against wrong doing do so > because our own experiences have shown us how *destructive* passivity can > be. > > That's really great what you did for your schoolmate,especially that you > were able to take a stand for her without hurting her even more (and that > you had the sensitivity and intelligence to do it that way).From what I've > read about sexually abusive schoolteachers it's not uncommon for some of > them to be the most popular ones--they're usually sociopaths who are fooling > others with their " superficial charm " and charisma.And you saw right through > him and you let him know.I'll bet he was afraid to report you,the > bastard,but thanks to you he left that girl alone.I was like that,too,if I > saw another child being bullied I tried to defend them.When I was six there > was an older girl on the school bus who was being bullied because of her > race,even the bus driver was joining in and laughing at her,so I confronted > the kids who were teasing her and said some nasty things to shame the bus > driver too--later one day I saw these same kids teasing that girl in the > school building and went up to her teacher to tell her that I had already > taken those kids to task for it on the bus and asked her why those kids were > *still* teasing that girl and this teacher just stood there and stared > through me like an effing coward.She sickened me--I realized that she wasn't > going to put her neck out to do a damned thing about it and there she was,an > *adult* and I was six and I had yelled back at those older kids but she > wouldn't dare to? It was,she was,PATHETIC.And immoral.I did manage to shame > the bus driver into no longer joining in,though. > > The teacher who abused me wasn't even popular.The kids didn't even like > him,something I eventually turned to my advantage,but he got away with his > crap because of how everyone turned a blind eye in spite of his reputation > in that school for being a pervert.I was forced to resort to drastic means > to teach him a lesson which ended up making me seem like a " bad kid " when I > wasn't.I spent February until June waging war against him every day when I > should have been studying and learning--what I learned that year was a > bitter lesson about life and other peoples' moral cowardice that I was too > young to handle and that left me shattered psychologically in many ways for > many reasons and all because a pedophile was allowed to run rampant until a > *child* had to stop him.It's disgusting that I was punished,slammed,vilified > for defending myself when I shouldn't have had to in the first > place.Pedophiles are sociopaths.To them,the children they use sexually are > only objects,not human beings.Sociopaths take *pleasure* in ruining other > people and they only " care " if they get caught--care about *themselves*. > > I'm glad you had that scumbag teacher squirming.He deserved it,as did my > teacher.It's appalling that both of us had to fight them on our own--to > sacrifice our own educations because noobdy else was willing to take a stand > against their evil.You have my deepest respect for helping that > girl.Bravo!!!! > > > > > > > > > you reminde me on me so many times. I had similar fights with > > teachers > > ( and I was exelent student too) but for other abuse kid or other wrong > > things. When I was in school my schoolmate was aboused by our teacher ( > he > > was the most popular one in the school) The poor girl was a mess and > didn't > > want to report him - I think she was in love in him a bit.) I didn't want > to > > hurt her even more so I didn't tell anybody about this but the teacher > and > > I have had a year loog and wery nasty fight I had let him know that I > know > > what he had done it.......at the and I stoped going to school ( except > for > > writting tests so I can finished her ) and he was to scared to reporte me > > that I was missing but the morst importnat - he had leaved poor girl > > alone. > > > > Everyhing what all those people did ( or not did for you) is sick, coward > > and evil - and it is a crime. If you don't reporte a crime you are a > > accomlice to a criminal ofence. It is horrible you had to deal with that > all > > alone. And I admire your courage and that you didn't let those bastards > to > > totaly humiliate you. And it is so sad that people all around don't > reporte > > or interverne just because thay want to cover their ass. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 19, 2010 Report Share Posted December 19, 2010 I forgot to tell you the end......after many years this teacher became a mayor! but soon after that he comitted a suicide. My first thougt was that one of this girls ( probably they were some more) had confronted him with what he did ( and maybe even blackmailed him) But even if that was not so the bastard got what he deserved. Like I said before , you reminde me of me . 6 years old girl fighting against rasist system and stupid , coward people....vau ...you were even worst than me..:-))) And yes I think we are such a big figters against the abuses or injustice because we know how it looks , how it feels and because we see ourselves in other vicimts and we know how badly she or he needs support. What was happening to you was very bad and evil ( and definitly a crime - not just pedhofil abuse - the crime was that people around you didn't do what thay had to do to stop it and to protect you) but it is good that you fight back. I met a lot of victims of child abuse and a lot of them suffered even more if they didn't do anything because later thay blame herself or himself for that too. I think thata showing this bastard to go to herll helped your sanity. Have a nice evening and bid BRAVO!! to you too! 2010/12/19 christine.depizan > > > And thank you,Yenaine,for validating that these " adults " who did nothing to > help me were *cowards*.And accomplices to a crime.I think it's true that > most people,when they don't intervene,are only wanting to cover their own > ass--and they will do so even at the expense of a helpless child.I saw this > dark side of supposedly " good people " allowing evil to triumph by doing > nothing many times as a child and it makes me wonder if those of us who > instinctively take an ethical stance and act against wrong doing do so > because our own experiences have shown us how *destructive* passivity can > be. > > That's really great what you did for your schoolmate,especially that you > were able to take a stand for her without hurting her even more (and that > you had the sensitivity and intelligence to do it that way).From what I've > read about sexually abusive schoolteachers it's not uncommon for some of > them to be the most popular ones--they're usually sociopaths who are fooling > others with their " superficial charm " and charisma.And you saw right through > him and you let him know.I'll bet he was afraid to report you,the > bastard,but thanks to you he left that girl alone.I was like that,too,if I > saw another child being bullied I tried to defend them.When I was six there > was an older girl on the school bus who was being bullied because of her > race,even the bus driver was joining in and laughing at her,so I confronted > the kids who were teasing her and said some nasty things to shame the bus > driver too--later one day I saw these same kids teasing that girl in the > school building and went up to her teacher to tell her that I had already > taken those kids to task for it on the bus and asked her why those kids were > *still* teasing that girl and this teacher just stood there and stared > through me like an effing coward.She sickened me--I realized that she wasn't > going to put her neck out to do a damned thing about it and there she was,an > *adult* and I was six and I had yelled back at those older kids but she > wouldn't dare to? It was,she was,PATHETIC.And immoral.I did manage to shame > the bus driver into no longer joining in,though. > > The teacher who abused me wasn't even popular.The kids didn't even like > him,something I eventually turned to my advantage,but he got away with his > crap because of how everyone turned a blind eye in spite of his reputation > in that school for being a pervert.I was forced to resort to drastic means > to teach him a lesson which ended up making me seem like a " bad kid " when I > wasn't.I spent February until June waging war against him every day when I > should have been studying and learning--what I learned that year was a > bitter lesson about life and other peoples' moral cowardice that I was too > young to handle and that left me shattered psychologically in many ways for > many reasons and all because a pedophile was allowed to run rampant until a > *child* had to stop him.It's disgusting that I was punished,slammed,vilified > for defending myself when I shouldn't have had to in the first > place.Pedophiles are sociopaths.To them,the children they use sexually are > only objects,not human beings.Sociopaths take *pleasure* in ruining other > people and they only " care " if they get caught--care about *themselves*. > > I'm glad you had that scumbag teacher squirming.He deserved it,as did my > teacher.It's appalling that both of us had to fight them on our own--to > sacrifice our own educations because noobdy else was willing to take a stand > against their evil.You have my deepest respect for helping that > girl.Bravo!!!! > > > > > > > > > you reminde me on me so many times. I had similar fights with > > teachers > > ( and I was exelent student too) but for other abuse kid or other wrong > > things. When I was in school my schoolmate was aboused by our teacher ( > he > > was the most popular one in the school) The poor girl was a mess and > didn't > > want to report him - I think she was in love in him a bit.) I didn't want > to > > hurt her even more so I didn't tell anybody about this but the teacher > and > > I have had a year loog and wery nasty fight I had let him know that I > know > > what he had done it.......at the and I stoped going to school ( except > for > > writting tests so I can finished her ) and he was to scared to reporte me > > that I was missing but the morst importnat - he had leaved poor girl > > alone. > > > > Everyhing what all those people did ( or not did for you) is sick, coward > > and evil - and it is a crime. If you don't reporte a crime you are a > > accomlice to a criminal ofence. It is horrible you had to deal with that > all > > alone. And I admire your courage and that you didn't let those bastards > to > > totaly humiliate you. And it is so sad that people all around don't > reporte > > or interverne just because thay want to cover their ass. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 19, 2010 Report Share Posted December 19, 2010 I forgot to tell you the end......after many years this teacher became a mayor! but soon after that he comitted a suicide. My first thougt was that one of this girls ( probably they were some more) had confronted him with what he did ( and maybe even blackmailed him) But even if that was not so the bastard got what he deserved. Like I said before , you reminde me of me . 6 years old girl fighting against rasist system and stupid , coward people....vau ...you were even worst than me..:-))) And yes I think we are such a big figters against the abuses or injustice because we know how it looks , how it feels and because we see ourselves in other vicimts and we know how badly she or he needs support. What was happening to you was very bad and evil ( and definitly a crime - not just pedhofil abuse - the crime was that people around you didn't do what thay had to do to stop it and to protect you) but it is good that you fight back. I met a lot of victims of child abuse and a lot of them suffered even more if they didn't do anything because later thay blame herself or himself for that too. I think thata showing this bastard to go to herll helped your sanity. Have a nice evening and bid BRAVO!! to you too! 2010/12/19 christine.depizan > > > And thank you,Yenaine,for validating that these " adults " who did nothing to > help me were *cowards*.And accomplices to a crime.I think it's true that > most people,when they don't intervene,are only wanting to cover their own > ass--and they will do so even at the expense of a helpless child.I saw this > dark side of supposedly " good people " allowing evil to triumph by doing > nothing many times as a child and it makes me wonder if those of us who > instinctively take an ethical stance and act against wrong doing do so > because our own experiences have shown us how *destructive* passivity can > be. > > That's really great what you did for your schoolmate,especially that you > were able to take a stand for her without hurting her even more (and that > you had the sensitivity and intelligence to do it that way).From what I've > read about sexually abusive schoolteachers it's not uncommon for some of > them to be the most popular ones--they're usually sociopaths who are fooling > others with their " superficial charm " and charisma.And you saw right through > him and you let him know.I'll bet he was afraid to report you,the > bastard,but thanks to you he left that girl alone.I was like that,too,if I > saw another child being bullied I tried to defend them.When I was six there > was an older girl on the school bus who was being bullied because of her > race,even the bus driver was joining in and laughing at her,so I confronted > the kids who were teasing her and said some nasty things to shame the bus > driver too--later one day I saw these same kids teasing that girl in the > school building and went up to her teacher to tell her that I had already > taken those kids to task for it on the bus and asked her why those kids were > *still* teasing that girl and this teacher just stood there and stared > through me like an effing coward.She sickened me--I realized that she wasn't > going to put her neck out to do a damned thing about it and there she was,an > *adult* and I was six and I had yelled back at those older kids but she > wouldn't dare to? It was,she was,PATHETIC.And immoral.I did manage to shame > the bus driver into no longer joining in,though. > > The teacher who abused me wasn't even popular.The kids didn't even like > him,something I eventually turned to my advantage,but he got away with his > crap because of how everyone turned a blind eye in spite of his reputation > in that school for being a pervert.I was forced to resort to drastic means > to teach him a lesson which ended up making me seem like a " bad kid " when I > wasn't.I spent February until June waging war against him every day when I > should have been studying and learning--what I learned that year was a > bitter lesson about life and other peoples' moral cowardice that I was too > young to handle and that left me shattered psychologically in many ways for > many reasons and all because a pedophile was allowed to run rampant until a > *child* had to stop him.It's disgusting that I was punished,slammed,vilified > for defending myself when I shouldn't have had to in the first > place.Pedophiles are sociopaths.To them,the children they use sexually are > only objects,not human beings.Sociopaths take *pleasure* in ruining other > people and they only " care " if they get caught--care about *themselves*. > > I'm glad you had that scumbag teacher squirming.He deserved it,as did my > teacher.It's appalling that both of us had to fight them on our own--to > sacrifice our own educations because noobdy else was willing to take a stand > against their evil.You have my deepest respect for helping that > girl.Bravo!!!! > > > > > > > > > you reminde me on me so many times. I had similar fights with > > teachers > > ( and I was exelent student too) but for other abuse kid or other wrong > > things. When I was in school my schoolmate was aboused by our teacher ( > he > > was the most popular one in the school) The poor girl was a mess and > didn't > > want to report him - I think she was in love in him a bit.) I didn't want > to > > hurt her even more so I didn't tell anybody about this but the teacher > and > > I have had a year loog and wery nasty fight I had let him know that I > know > > what he had done it.......at the and I stoped going to school ( except > for > > writting tests so I can finished her ) and he was to scared to reporte me > > that I was missing but the morst importnat - he had leaved poor girl > > alone. > > > > Everyhing what all those people did ( or not did for you) is sick, coward > > and evil - and it is a crime. If you don't reporte a crime you are a > > accomlice to a criminal ofence. It is horrible you had to deal with that > all > > alone. And I admire your courage and that you didn't let those bastards > to > > totaly humiliate you. And it is so sad that people all around don't > reporte > > or interverne just because thay want to cover their ass. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 19, 2010 Report Share Posted December 19, 2010 I think and Yenaine are true heroes. It takes real courage to at least *try* to protect someone smaller and weaker than yourself, particularly when you yourself are a child or in a weak and vulnerable position. That kind of courage is more than remarkable, it is outstanding, exquisitely rare, and worthy of great praise. There isn't a civilian version of a " purple heart " award that I know of, but if I had it in my power I would bestow such an award on you both, publicly and with great fanfare, and I would bestow it on all those little children who try to protect other children from abuse at the risk of real harm, abuse and retaliation to themselves. The willingness to sacrifice yourself to protect another is the very utmost that any human being *can* do; it transcends our frail and trembling mortal selves. Its the radiant spiritual part of us coming forward, and it is fall-on-your-knees awesome. Kudos to you. -Annie > > And thank you,Yenaine,for validating that these " adults " who did nothing to help me were *cowards*.And accomplices to a crime.I think it's true that most people,when they don't intervene,are only wanting to cover their own ass--and they will do so even at the expense of a helpless child.I saw this dark side of supposedly " good people " allowing evil to triumph by doing nothing many times as a child and it makes me wonder if those of us who instinctively take an ethical stance and act against wrong doing do so because our own experiences have shown us how *destructive* passivity can be. > > That's really great what you did for your schoolmate,especially that you were able to take a stand for her without hurting her even more (and that you had the sensitivity and intelligence to do it that way).From what I've read about sexually abusive schoolteachers it's not uncommon for some of them to be the most popular ones--they're usually sociopaths who are fooling others with their " superficial charm " and charisma.And you saw right through him and you let him know.I'll bet he was afraid to report you,the bastard,but thanks to you he left that girl alone.I was like that,too,if I saw another child being bullied I tried to defend them.When I was six there was an older girl on the school bus who was being bullied because of her race,even the bus driver was joining in and laughing at her,so I confronted the kids who were teasing her and said some nasty things to shame the bus driver too--later one day I saw these same kids teasing that girl in the school building and went up to her teacher to tell her that I had already taken those kids to task for it on the bus and asked her why those kids were *still* teasing that girl and this teacher just stood there and stared through me like an effing coward.She sickened me--I realized that she wasn't going to put her neck out to do a damned thing about it and there she was,an *adult* and I was six and I had yelled back at those older kids but she wouldn't dare to? It was,she was,PATHETIC.And immoral.I did manage to shame the bus driver into no longer joining in,though. > > The teacher who abused me wasn't even popular.The kids didn't even like him,something I eventually turned to my advantage,but he got away with his crap because of how everyone turned a blind eye in spite of his reputation in that school for being a pervert.I was forced to resort to drastic means to teach him a lesson which ended up making me seem like a " bad kid " when I wasn't.I spent February until June waging war against him every day when I should have been studying and learning--what I learned that year was a bitter lesson about life and other peoples' moral cowardice that I was too young to handle and that left me shattered psychologically in many ways for many reasons and all because a pedophile was allowed to run rampant until a *child* had to stop him.It's disgusting that I was punished,slammed,vilified for defending myself when I shouldn't have had to in the first place.Pedophiles are sociopaths.To them,the children they use sexually are only objects,not human beings.Sociopaths take *pleasure* in ruining other people and they only " care " if they get caught--care about *themselves*. > > I'm glad you had that scumbag teacher squirming.He deserved it,as did my teacher.It's appalling that both of us had to fight them on our own--to sacrifice our own educations because noobdy else was willing to take a stand against their evil.You have my deepest respect for helping that girl.Bravo!!!! > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 19, 2010 Report Share Posted December 19, 2010 I think and Yenaine are true heroes. It takes real courage to at least *try* to protect someone smaller and weaker than yourself, particularly when you yourself are a child or in a weak and vulnerable position. That kind of courage is more than remarkable, it is outstanding, exquisitely rare, and worthy of great praise. There isn't a civilian version of a " purple heart " award that I know of, but if I had it in my power I would bestow such an award on you both, publicly and with great fanfare, and I would bestow it on all those little children who try to protect other children from abuse at the risk of real harm, abuse and retaliation to themselves. The willingness to sacrifice yourself to protect another is the very utmost that any human being *can* do; it transcends our frail and trembling mortal selves. Its the radiant spiritual part of us coming forward, and it is fall-on-your-knees awesome. Kudos to you. -Annie > > And thank you,Yenaine,for validating that these " adults " who did nothing to help me were *cowards*.And accomplices to a crime.I think it's true that most people,when they don't intervene,are only wanting to cover their own ass--and they will do so even at the expense of a helpless child.I saw this dark side of supposedly " good people " allowing evil to triumph by doing nothing many times as a child and it makes me wonder if those of us who instinctively take an ethical stance and act against wrong doing do so because our own experiences have shown us how *destructive* passivity can be. > > That's really great what you did for your schoolmate,especially that you were able to take a stand for her without hurting her even more (and that you had the sensitivity and intelligence to do it that way).From what I've read about sexually abusive schoolteachers it's not uncommon for some of them to be the most popular ones--they're usually sociopaths who are fooling others with their " superficial charm " and charisma.And you saw right through him and you let him know.I'll bet he was afraid to report you,the bastard,but thanks to you he left that girl alone.I was like that,too,if I saw another child being bullied I tried to defend them.When I was six there was an older girl on the school bus who was being bullied because of her race,even the bus driver was joining in and laughing at her,so I confronted the kids who were teasing her and said some nasty things to shame the bus driver too--later one day I saw these same kids teasing that girl in the school building and went up to her teacher to tell her that I had already taken those kids to task for it on the bus and asked her why those kids were *still* teasing that girl and this teacher just stood there and stared through me like an effing coward.She sickened me--I realized that she wasn't going to put her neck out to do a damned thing about it and there she was,an *adult* and I was six and I had yelled back at those older kids but she wouldn't dare to? It was,she was,PATHETIC.And immoral.I did manage to shame the bus driver into no longer joining in,though. > > The teacher who abused me wasn't even popular.The kids didn't even like him,something I eventually turned to my advantage,but he got away with his crap because of how everyone turned a blind eye in spite of his reputation in that school for being a pervert.I was forced to resort to drastic means to teach him a lesson which ended up making me seem like a " bad kid " when I wasn't.I spent February until June waging war against him every day when I should have been studying and learning--what I learned that year was a bitter lesson about life and other peoples' moral cowardice that I was too young to handle and that left me shattered psychologically in many ways for many reasons and all because a pedophile was allowed to run rampant until a *child* had to stop him.It's disgusting that I was punished,slammed,vilified for defending myself when I shouldn't have had to in the first place.Pedophiles are sociopaths.To them,the children they use sexually are only objects,not human beings.Sociopaths take *pleasure* in ruining other people and they only " care " if they get caught--care about *themselves*. > > I'm glad you had that scumbag teacher squirming.He deserved it,as did my teacher.It's appalling that both of us had to fight them on our own--to sacrifice our own educations because noobdy else was willing to take a stand against their evil.You have my deepest respect for helping that girl.Bravo!!!! > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 20, 2010 Report Share Posted December 20, 2010 Thank you , thank you Annie! But I would skip " purple heart " and fanfares - I would be too embarrassed with all that. :-))) The credit for my fights goes a lot to my " character " . Being raised in dysfunctional family you have 2 options to protect yourself and survive- being rebellion or adjusting yourself and be a " nice kid " I was " lucky " and I chose rebellion ( I was the bad kid guilty for everything wrong in the family anyway) my sister chose to be a nice kid ( or maybe she was defined for that role) and I think it was much harder for her. She never had enough power to face the real problem, had a lot of problems in her life and she indirectly even died because of that. My nada ( and fada) literally suck her soul out of her and it was much harder for her to fight back. It took the same courage to fight for yourself if you are enmesht with your abuser than to fight for others. And I think that maybe is even harder to fight for yourself than for others - specially if you are raised in family where your needs are " selfish " . I think you have to defeat even bigger demons.... I'm so incurably alergic to injustice because I was surrunded with it all my youth and I just can not help it to react - even if sometimes would be wiser to step back a little .:-).Thanks god I have a job ( journalist) where I can fight for rights all the time in other case i would be too much for people around .... So ironicly I can thanks to my nada and fada to raise me into a " hero " and give me (some of) tools for my job ...:-)) Yenaine 2010/12/20 anuria67854 > > > I think and Yenaine are true heroes. It takes real courage to at > least *try* to protect someone smaller and weaker than yourself, > particularly when you yourself are a child or in a weak and vulnerable > position. That kind of courage is more than remarkable, it is outstanding, > exquisitely rare, and worthy of great praise. > > There isn't a civilian version of a " purple heart " award that I know of, > but if I had it in my power I would bestow such an award on you both, > publicly and with great fanfare, and I would bestow it on all those little > children who try to protect other children from abuse at the risk of real > harm, abuse and retaliation to themselves. > > The willingness to sacrifice yourself to protect another is the very utmost > that any human being *can* do; it transcends our frail and trembling mortal > selves. Its the radiant spiritual part of us coming forward, and it is > fall-on-your-knees awesome. > > Kudos to you. > > -Annie > > > > > > > And thank you,Yenaine,for validating that these " adults " who did nothing > to help me were *cowards*.And accomplices to a crime.I think it's true that > most people,when they don't intervene,are only wanting to cover their own > ass--and they will do so even at the expense of a helpless child.I saw this > dark side of supposedly " good people " allowing evil to triumph by doing > nothing many times as a child and it makes me wonder if those of us who > instinctively take an ethical stance and act against wrong doing do so > because our own experiences have shown us how *destructive* passivity can > be. > > > > That's really great what you did for your schoolmate,especially that you > were able to take a stand for her without hurting her even more (and that > you had the sensitivity and intelligence to do it that way).From what I've > read about sexually abusive schoolteachers it's not uncommon for some of > them to be the most popular ones--they're usually sociopaths who are fooling > others with their " superficial charm " and charisma.And you saw right through > him and you let him know.I'll bet he was afraid to report you,the > bastard,but thanks to you he left that girl alone.I was like that,too,if I > saw another child being bullied I tried to defend them.When I was six there > was an older girl on the school bus who was being bullied because of her > race,even the bus driver was joining in and laughing at her,so I confronted > the kids who were teasing her and said some nasty things to shame the bus > driver too--later one day I saw these same kids teasing that girl in the > school building and went up to her teacher to tell her that I had already > taken those kids to task for it on the bus and asked her why those kids were > *still* teasing that girl and this teacher just stood there and stared > through me like an effing coward.She sickened me--I realized that she wasn't > going to put her neck out to do a damned thing about it and there she was,an > *adult* and I was six and I had yelled back at those older kids but she > wouldn't dare to? It was,she was,PATHETIC.And immoral.I did manage to shame > the bus driver into no longer joining in,though. > > > > The teacher who abused me wasn't even popular.The kids didn't even like > him,something I eventually turned to my advantage,but he got away with his > crap because of how everyone turned a blind eye in spite of his reputation > in that school for being a pervert.I was forced to resort to drastic means > to teach him a lesson which ended up making me seem like a " bad kid " when I > wasn't.I spent February until June waging war against him every day when I > should have been studying and learning--what I learned that year was a > bitter lesson about life and other peoples' moral cowardice that I was too > young to handle and that left me shattered psychologically in many ways for > many reasons and all because a pedophile was allowed to run rampant until a > *child* had to stop him.It's disgusting that I was punished,slammed,vilified > for defending myself when I shouldn't have had to in the first > place.Pedophiles are sociopaths.To them,the children they use sexually are > only objects,not human beings.Sociopaths take *pleasure* in ruining other > people and they only " care " if they get caught--care about *themselves*. > > > > I'm glad you had that scumbag teacher squirming.He deserved it,as did my > teacher.It's appalling that both of us had to fight them on our own--to > sacrifice our own educations because noobdy else was willing to take a stand > against their evil.You have my deepest respect for helping that > girl.Bravo!!!! > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 20, 2010 Report Share Posted December 20, 2010 Thank you , thank you Annie! But I would skip " purple heart " and fanfares - I would be too embarrassed with all that. :-))) The credit for my fights goes a lot to my " character " . Being raised in dysfunctional family you have 2 options to protect yourself and survive- being rebellion or adjusting yourself and be a " nice kid " I was " lucky " and I chose rebellion ( I was the bad kid guilty for everything wrong in the family anyway) my sister chose to be a nice kid ( or maybe she was defined for that role) and I think it was much harder for her. She never had enough power to face the real problem, had a lot of problems in her life and she indirectly even died because of that. My nada ( and fada) literally suck her soul out of her and it was much harder for her to fight back. It took the same courage to fight for yourself if you are enmesht with your abuser than to fight for others. And I think that maybe is even harder to fight for yourself than for others - specially if you are raised in family where your needs are " selfish " . I think you have to defeat even bigger demons.... I'm so incurably alergic to injustice because I was surrunded with it all my youth and I just can not help it to react - even if sometimes would be wiser to step back a little .:-).Thanks god I have a job ( journalist) where I can fight for rights all the time in other case i would be too much for people around .... So ironicly I can thanks to my nada and fada to raise me into a " hero " and give me (some of) tools for my job ...:-)) Yenaine 2010/12/20 anuria67854 > > > I think and Yenaine are true heroes. It takes real courage to at > least *try* to protect someone smaller and weaker than yourself, > particularly when you yourself are a child or in a weak and vulnerable > position. That kind of courage is more than remarkable, it is outstanding, > exquisitely rare, and worthy of great praise. > > There isn't a civilian version of a " purple heart " award that I know of, > but if I had it in my power I would bestow such an award on you both, > publicly and with great fanfare, and I would bestow it on all those little > children who try to protect other children from abuse at the risk of real > harm, abuse and retaliation to themselves. > > The willingness to sacrifice yourself to protect another is the very utmost > that any human being *can* do; it transcends our frail and trembling mortal > selves. Its the radiant spiritual part of us coming forward, and it is > fall-on-your-knees awesome. > > Kudos to you. > > -Annie > > > > > > > And thank you,Yenaine,for validating that these " adults " who did nothing > to help me were *cowards*.And accomplices to a crime.I think it's true that > most people,when they don't intervene,are only wanting to cover their own > ass--and they will do so even at the expense of a helpless child.I saw this > dark side of supposedly " good people " allowing evil to triumph by doing > nothing many times as a child and it makes me wonder if those of us who > instinctively take an ethical stance and act against wrong doing do so > because our own experiences have shown us how *destructive* passivity can > be. > > > > That's really great what you did for your schoolmate,especially that you > were able to take a stand for her without hurting her even more (and that > you had the sensitivity and intelligence to do it that way).From what I've > read about sexually abusive schoolteachers it's not uncommon for some of > them to be the most popular ones--they're usually sociopaths who are fooling > others with their " superficial charm " and charisma.And you saw right through > him and you let him know.I'll bet he was afraid to report you,the > bastard,but thanks to you he left that girl alone.I was like that,too,if I > saw another child being bullied I tried to defend them.When I was six there > was an older girl on the school bus who was being bullied because of her > race,even the bus driver was joining in and laughing at her,so I confronted > the kids who were teasing her and said some nasty things to shame the bus > driver too--later one day I saw these same kids teasing that girl in the > school building and went up to her teacher to tell her that I had already > taken those kids to task for it on the bus and asked her why those kids were > *still* teasing that girl and this teacher just stood there and stared > through me like an effing coward.She sickened me--I realized that she wasn't > going to put her neck out to do a damned thing about it and there she was,an > *adult* and I was six and I had yelled back at those older kids but she > wouldn't dare to? It was,she was,PATHETIC.And immoral.I did manage to shame > the bus driver into no longer joining in,though. > > > > The teacher who abused me wasn't even popular.The kids didn't even like > him,something I eventually turned to my advantage,but he got away with his > crap because of how everyone turned a blind eye in spite of his reputation > in that school for being a pervert.I was forced to resort to drastic means > to teach him a lesson which ended up making me seem like a " bad kid " when I > wasn't.I spent February until June waging war against him every day when I > should have been studying and learning--what I learned that year was a > bitter lesson about life and other peoples' moral cowardice that I was too > young to handle and that left me shattered psychologically in many ways for > many reasons and all because a pedophile was allowed to run rampant until a > *child* had to stop him.It's disgusting that I was punished,slammed,vilified > for defending myself when I shouldn't have had to in the first > place.Pedophiles are sociopaths.To them,the children they use sexually are > only objects,not human beings.Sociopaths take *pleasure* in ruining other > people and they only " care " if they get caught--care about *themselves*. > > > > I'm glad you had that scumbag teacher squirming.He deserved it,as did my > teacher.It's appalling that both of us had to fight them on our own--to > sacrifice our own educations because noobdy else was willing to take a stand > against their evil.You have my deepest respect for helping that > girl.Bravo!!!! > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 20, 2010 Report Share Posted December 20, 2010 I'm so incurably alergic to injustice This describes me so perfectly. Thank you for identifying it for me. amy Re: Re: Nada is so cruel Thank you , thank you Annie! But I would skip " purple heart " and fanfares - I would be too embarrassed with all that. :-))) The credit for my fights goes a lot to my " character " . Being raised in dysfunctional family you have 2 options to protect yourself and survive- being rebellion or adjusting yourself and be a " nice kid " I was " lucky " and I chose rebellion ( I was the bad kid guilty for everything wrong in the family anyway) my sister chose to be a nice kid ( or maybe she was defined for that role) and I think it was much harder for her. She never had enough power to face the real problem, had a lot of problems in her life and she indirectly even died because of that. My nada ( and fada) literally suck her soul out of her and it was much harder for her to fight back. It took the same courage to fight for yourself if you are enmesht with your abuser than to fight for others. And I think that maybe is even harder to fight for yourself than for others - specially if you are raised in family where your needs are " selfish " . I think you have to defeat even bigger demons.... I'm so incurably alergic to injustice because I was surrunded with it all my youth and I just can not help it to react - even if sometimes would be wiser to step back a little .:-).Thanks god I have a job ( journalist) where I can fight for rights all the time in other case i would be too much for people around .... So ironicly I can thanks to my nada and fada to raise me into a " hero " and give me (some of) tools for my job ...:-)) Yenaine 2010/12/20 anuria67854 > > > I think and Yenaine are true heroes. It takes real courage to at > least *try* to protect someone smaller and weaker than yourself, > particularly when you yourself are a child or in a weak and vulnerable > position. That kind of courage is more than remarkable, it is outstanding, > exquisitely rare, and worthy of great praise. > > There isn't a civilian version of a " purple heart " award that I know of, > but if I had it in my power I would bestow such an award on you both, > publicly and with great fanfare, and I would bestow it on all those little > children who try to protect other children from abuse at the risk of real > harm, abuse and retaliation to themselves. > > The willingness to sacrifice yourself to protect another is the very utmost > that any human being *can* do; it transcends our frail and trembling mortal > selves. Its the radiant spiritual part of us coming forward, and it is > fall-on-your-knees awesome. > > Kudos to you. > > -Annie > > > > > > > And thank you,Yenaine,for validating that these " adults " who did nothing > to help me were *cowards*.And accomplices to a crime.I think it's true that > most people,when they don't intervene,are only wanting to cover their own > ass--and they will do so even at the expense of a helpless child.I saw this > dark side of supposedly " good people " allowing evil to triumph by doing > nothing many times as a child and it makes me wonder if those of us who > instinctively take an ethical stance and act against wrong doing do so > because our own experiences have shown us how *destructive* passivity can > be. > > > > That's really great what you did for your schoolmate,especially that you > were able to take a stand for her without hurting her even more (and that > you had the sensitivity and intelligence to do it that way).From what I've > read about sexually abusive schoolteachers it's not uncommon for some of > them to be the most popular ones--they're usually sociopaths who are fooling > others with their " superficial charm " and charisma.And you saw right through > him and you let him know.I'll bet he was afraid to report you,the > bastard,but thanks to you he left that girl alone.I was like that,too,if I > saw another child being bullied I tried to defend them.When I was six there > was an older girl on the school bus who was being bullied because of her > race,even the bus driver was joining in and laughing at her,so I confronted > the kids who were teasing her and said some nasty things to shame the bus > driver too--later one day I saw these same kids teasing that girl in the > school building and went up to her teacher to tell her that I had already > taken those kids to task for it on the bus and asked her why those kids were > *still* teasing that girl and this teacher just stood there and stared > through me like an effing coward.She sickened me--I realized that she wasn't > going to put her neck out to do a damned thing about it and there she was,an > *adult* and I was six and I had yelled back at those older kids but she > wouldn't dare to? It was,she was,PATHETIC.And immoral.I did manage to shame > the bus driver into no longer joining in,though. > > > > The teacher who abused me wasn't even popular.The kids didn't even like > him,something I eventually turned to my advantage,but he got away with his > crap because of how everyone turned a blind eye in spite of his reputation > in that school for being a pervert.I was forced to resort to drastic means > to teach him a lesson which ended up making me seem like a " bad kid " when I > wasn't.I spent February until June waging war against him every day when I > should have been studying and learning--what I learned that year was a > bitter lesson about life and other peoples' moral cowardice that I was too > young to handle and that left me shattered psychologically in many ways for > many reasons and all because a pedophile was allowed to run rampant until a > *child* had to stop him.It's disgusting that I was punished,slammed,vilified > for defending myself when I shouldn't have had to in the first > place.Pedophiles are sociopaths.To them,the children they use sexually are > only objects,not human beings.Sociopaths take *pleasure* in ruining other > people and they only " care " if they get caught--care about *themselves*. > > > > I'm glad you had that scumbag teacher squirming.He deserved it,as did my > teacher.It's appalling that both of us had to fight them on our own--to > sacrifice our own educations because noobdy else was willing to take a stand > against their evil.You have my deepest respect for helping that > girl.Bravo!!!! > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 20, 2010 Report Share Posted December 20, 2010 Wow,Annie,I'm so humbled by your words I don't quite know what to say.Although I like your idea of a public awards ceremony,not for me,but for children who have defended other children from bullying and abuse--now,*that* would be a worthwhile reality show.I think that we need more examples in the media of people--adults included--doing the *right thing* to offset all the doom and gloom in the news as well as the dysfunction on " reality " shows masquerading as " entertainment " .I wish that all the local tv news outlets did a segment where people could nominate a " do gooder " ,someone who is giving back to the community,sort of like how the news features a needy foster child as " Wednesday's Child " but instead it would be " Wednesday's Hero " .And that could be a child or an adult.It's so easy to become apathetic and disengaged when all you hear is bad news,but good news is empowering. Evil has just always pissed me off,for as long as I can remember.I agree with Yenaine that it's more straightforward to defend someone else from abuse than it is to defend yourself--everyone here who has fought their way out of toxic enmeshment with their FOOs is courageous; it takes a special kind of courage to see your way clear to *your own* liberation.When I saw that girl being tormented and teased it disgusted me because I knew it was *wrong* yet I was also in a very bad situation myself and frankly it was easier to act on her behalf than it was to act on my own behalf.I have a hard time laying any claims to personal " righteousness " knowing all of my flaws but I agree with you that putting aside one's own self interest for the sake of another " transcends our frail and trembling mortal selves " --you wrote this so beautifully--and is " the radiant spiritual part of us coming forward " .THAT is what I'd like to see featured much more on the news,nothing particularly spectacular in the main,just a daily stream of: here is who volunteers every Thursday at her local food pantry; here is nie who ran a neighborhood carwash to raise funds for the local animal shelter; here is Sue who turned an abandoned lot into a community flower garden,interspersed with stories,when they can be found,of greater selflessness and courage...*in direct counterpoint* to: so and so was gunned down today; so and so was burglarized today; so and so public figure was indicted today for massive fraud...As we know,it's easy to keep people down and helpless if you feed them a steady diet of despair,but people also have a funny way of learning how to think for themselves if they are consistently given hope that their individual actions *can* make a difference.It seems to me that we need to deliberately shine these little lights into the public sphere rather than passively allow the malefactors of society to dictate the collective agenda.Call me a Pollyanna but I think a positive media emphasis on collective responsibility/action/results has not only entertainment value but revolutionary potential. Oh,well,anyway...I like to dream of a better day. > > I think and Yenaine are true heroes. It takes real courage to at least *try* to protect someone smaller and weaker than yourself, particularly when you yourself are a child or in a weak and vulnerable position. That kind of courage is more than remarkable, it is outstanding, exquisitely rare, and worthy of great praise. > > There isn't a civilian version of a " purple heart " award that I know of, but if I had it in my power I would bestow such an award on you both, publicly and with great fanfare, and I would bestow it on all those little children who try to protect other children from abuse at the risk of real harm, abuse and retaliation to themselves. > > The willingness to sacrifice yourself to protect another is the very utmost that any human being *can* do; it transcends our frail and trembling mortal selves. Its the radiant spiritual part of us coming forward, and it is fall-on-your-knees awesome. > > Kudos to you. > > -Annie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 20, 2010 Report Share Posted December 20, 2010 Wow,Annie,I'm so humbled by your words I don't quite know what to say.Although I like your idea of a public awards ceremony,not for me,but for children who have defended other children from bullying and abuse--now,*that* would be a worthwhile reality show.I think that we need more examples in the media of people--adults included--doing the *right thing* to offset all the doom and gloom in the news as well as the dysfunction on " reality " shows masquerading as " entertainment " .I wish that all the local tv news outlets did a segment where people could nominate a " do gooder " ,someone who is giving back to the community,sort of like how the news features a needy foster child as " Wednesday's Child " but instead it would be " Wednesday's Hero " .And that could be a child or an adult.It's so easy to become apathetic and disengaged when all you hear is bad news,but good news is empowering. Evil has just always pissed me off,for as long as I can remember.I agree with Yenaine that it's more straightforward to defend someone else from abuse than it is to defend yourself--everyone here who has fought their way out of toxic enmeshment with their FOOs is courageous; it takes a special kind of courage to see your way clear to *your own* liberation.When I saw that girl being tormented and teased it disgusted me because I knew it was *wrong* yet I was also in a very bad situation myself and frankly it was easier to act on her behalf than it was to act on my own behalf.I have a hard time laying any claims to personal " righteousness " knowing all of my flaws but I agree with you that putting aside one's own self interest for the sake of another " transcends our frail and trembling mortal selves " --you wrote this so beautifully--and is " the radiant spiritual part of us coming forward " .THAT is what I'd like to see featured much more on the news,nothing particularly spectacular in the main,just a daily stream of: here is who volunteers every Thursday at her local food pantry; here is nie who ran a neighborhood carwash to raise funds for the local animal shelter; here is Sue who turned an abandoned lot into a community flower garden,interspersed with stories,when they can be found,of greater selflessness and courage...*in direct counterpoint* to: so and so was gunned down today; so and so was burglarized today; so and so public figure was indicted today for massive fraud...As we know,it's easy to keep people down and helpless if you feed them a steady diet of despair,but people also have a funny way of learning how to think for themselves if they are consistently given hope that their individual actions *can* make a difference.It seems to me that we need to deliberately shine these little lights into the public sphere rather than passively allow the malefactors of society to dictate the collective agenda.Call me a Pollyanna but I think a positive media emphasis on collective responsibility/action/results has not only entertainment value but revolutionary potential. Oh,well,anyway...I like to dream of a better day. > > I think and Yenaine are true heroes. It takes real courage to at least *try* to protect someone smaller and weaker than yourself, particularly when you yourself are a child or in a weak and vulnerable position. That kind of courage is more than remarkable, it is outstanding, exquisitely rare, and worthy of great praise. > > There isn't a civilian version of a " purple heart " award that I know of, but if I had it in my power I would bestow such an award on you both, publicly and with great fanfare, and I would bestow it on all those little children who try to protect other children from abuse at the risk of real harm, abuse and retaliation to themselves. > > The willingness to sacrifice yourself to protect another is the very utmost that any human being *can* do; it transcends our frail and trembling mortal selves. Its the radiant spiritual part of us coming forward, and it is fall-on-your-knees awesome. > > Kudos to you. > > -Annie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 20, 2010 Report Share Posted December 20, 2010 Wow,Annie,I'm so humbled by your words I don't quite know what to say.Although I like your idea of a public awards ceremony,not for me,but for children who have defended other children from bullying and abuse--now,*that* would be a worthwhile reality show.I think that we need more examples in the media of people--adults included--doing the *right thing* to offset all the doom and gloom in the news as well as the dysfunction on " reality " shows masquerading as " entertainment " .I wish that all the local tv news outlets did a segment where people could nominate a " do gooder " ,someone who is giving back to the community,sort of like how the news features a needy foster child as " Wednesday's Child " but instead it would be " Wednesday's Hero " .And that could be a child or an adult.It's so easy to become apathetic and disengaged when all you hear is bad news,but good news is empowering. Evil has just always pissed me off,for as long as I can remember.I agree with Yenaine that it's more straightforward to defend someone else from abuse than it is to defend yourself--everyone here who has fought their way out of toxic enmeshment with their FOOs is courageous; it takes a special kind of courage to see your way clear to *your own* liberation.When I saw that girl being tormented and teased it disgusted me because I knew it was *wrong* yet I was also in a very bad situation myself and frankly it was easier to act on her behalf than it was to act on my own behalf.I have a hard time laying any claims to personal " righteousness " knowing all of my flaws but I agree with you that putting aside one's own self interest for the sake of another " transcends our frail and trembling mortal selves " --you wrote this so beautifully--and is " the radiant spiritual part of us coming forward " .THAT is what I'd like to see featured much more on the news,nothing particularly spectacular in the main,just a daily stream of: here is who volunteers every Thursday at her local food pantry; here is nie who ran a neighborhood carwash to raise funds for the local animal shelter; here is Sue who turned an abandoned lot into a community flower garden,interspersed with stories,when they can be found,of greater selflessness and courage...*in direct counterpoint* to: so and so was gunned down today; so and so was burglarized today; so and so public figure was indicted today for massive fraud...As we know,it's easy to keep people down and helpless if you feed them a steady diet of despair,but people also have a funny way of learning how to think for themselves if they are consistently given hope that their individual actions *can* make a difference.It seems to me that we need to deliberately shine these little lights into the public sphere rather than passively allow the malefactors of society to dictate the collective agenda.Call me a Pollyanna but I think a positive media emphasis on collective responsibility/action/results has not only entertainment value but revolutionary potential. Oh,well,anyway...I like to dream of a better day. > > I think and Yenaine are true heroes. It takes real courage to at least *try* to protect someone smaller and weaker than yourself, particularly when you yourself are a child or in a weak and vulnerable position. That kind of courage is more than remarkable, it is outstanding, exquisitely rare, and worthy of great praise. > > There isn't a civilian version of a " purple heart " award that I know of, but if I had it in my power I would bestow such an award on you both, publicly and with great fanfare, and I would bestow it on all those little children who try to protect other children from abuse at the risk of real harm, abuse and retaliation to themselves. > > The willingness to sacrifice yourself to protect another is the very utmost that any human being *can* do; it transcends our frail and trembling mortal selves. Its the radiant spiritual part of us coming forward, and it is fall-on-your-knees awesome. > > Kudos to you. > > -Annie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 20, 2010 Report Share Posted December 20, 2010 I totaly agree with every written word below:-) 2010/12/20 christine.depizan > > > Wow,Annie,I'm so humbled by your words I don't quite know what to > say.Although I like your idea of a public awards ceremony,not for me,but for > children who have defended other children from bullying and > abuse--now,*that* would be a worthwhile reality show.I think that we need > more examples in the media of people--adults included--doing the *right > thing* to offset all the doom and gloom in the news as well as the > dysfunction on " reality " shows masquerading as " entertainment " .I wish that > all the local tv news outlets did a segment where people could nominate a > " do gooder " ,someone who is giving back to the community,sort of like how the > news features a needy foster child as " Wednesday's Child " but instead it > would be " Wednesday's Hero " .And that could be a child or an adult.It's so > easy to become apathetic and disengaged when all you hear is bad news,but > good news is empowering. > > Evil has just always pissed me off,for as long as I can remember.I agree > with Yenaine that it's more straightforward to defend someone else from > abuse than it is to defend yourself--everyone here who has fought their way > out of toxic enmeshment with their FOOs is courageous; it takes a special > kind of courage to see your way clear to *your own* liberation.When I saw > that girl being tormented and teased it disgusted me because I knew it was > *wrong* yet I was also in a very bad situation myself and frankly it was > easier to act on her behalf than it was to act on my own behalf.I have a > hard time laying any claims to personal " righteousness " knowing all of my > flaws but I agree with you that putting aside one's own self interest for > the sake of another " transcends our frail and trembling mortal selves " --you > wrote this so beautifully--and is " the radiant spiritual part of us coming > forward " .THAT is what I'd like to see featured much more on the news,nothing > particularly spectacular in the main,just a daily stream of: here is > who volunteers every Thursday at her local food pantry; here is nie who > ran a neighborhood carwash to raise funds for the local animal shelter; here > is Sue who turned an abandoned lot into a community flower > garden,interspersed with stories,when they can be found,of greater > selflessness and courage...*in direct counterpoint* to: so and so was gunned > down today; so and so was burglarized today; so and so public figure was > indicted today for massive fraud...As we know,it's easy to keep people down > and helpless if you feed them a steady diet of despair,but people also have > a funny way of learning how to think for themselves if they are consistently > given hope that their individual actions *can* make a difference.It seems to > me that we need to deliberately shine these little lights into the public > sphere rather than passively allow the malefactors of society to dictate the > collective agenda.Call me a Pollyanna but I think a positive media emphasis > on collective responsibility/action/results has not only entertainment value > but revolutionary potential. > > Oh,well,anyway...I like to dream of a better day. > > > > > > > > I think and Yenaine are true heroes. It takes real courage to > at least *try* to protect someone smaller and weaker than yourself, > particularly when you yourself are a child or in a weak and vulnerable > position. That kind of courage is more than remarkable, it is outstanding, > exquisitely rare, and worthy of great praise. > > > > There isn't a civilian version of a " purple heart " award that I know of, > but if I had it in my power I would bestow such an award on you both, > publicly and with great fanfare, and I would bestow it on all those little > children who try to protect other children from abuse at the risk of real > harm, abuse and retaliation to themselves. > > > > The willingness to sacrifice yourself to protect another is the very > utmost that any human being *can* do; it transcends our frail and trembling > mortal selves. Its the radiant spiritual part of us coming forward, and it > is fall-on-your-knees awesome. > > > > Kudos to you. > > > > -Annie > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 20, 2010 Report Share Posted December 20, 2010 I totaly agree with every written word below:-) 2010/12/20 christine.depizan > > > Wow,Annie,I'm so humbled by your words I don't quite know what to > say.Although I like your idea of a public awards ceremony,not for me,but for > children who have defended other children from bullying and > abuse--now,*that* would be a worthwhile reality show.I think that we need > more examples in the media of people--adults included--doing the *right > thing* to offset all the doom and gloom in the news as well as the > dysfunction on " reality " shows masquerading as " entertainment " .I wish that > all the local tv news outlets did a segment where people could nominate a > " do gooder " ,someone who is giving back to the community,sort of like how the > news features a needy foster child as " Wednesday's Child " but instead it > would be " Wednesday's Hero " .And that could be a child or an adult.It's so > easy to become apathetic and disengaged when all you hear is bad news,but > good news is empowering. > > Evil has just always pissed me off,for as long as I can remember.I agree > with Yenaine that it's more straightforward to defend someone else from > abuse than it is to defend yourself--everyone here who has fought their way > out of toxic enmeshment with their FOOs is courageous; it takes a special > kind of courage to see your way clear to *your own* liberation.When I saw > that girl being tormented and teased it disgusted me because I knew it was > *wrong* yet I was also in a very bad situation myself and frankly it was > easier to act on her behalf than it was to act on my own behalf.I have a > hard time laying any claims to personal " righteousness " knowing all of my > flaws but I agree with you that putting aside one's own self interest for > the sake of another " transcends our frail and trembling mortal selves " --you > wrote this so beautifully--and is " the radiant spiritual part of us coming > forward " .THAT is what I'd like to see featured much more on the news,nothing > particularly spectacular in the main,just a daily stream of: here is > who volunteers every Thursday at her local food pantry; here is nie who > ran a neighborhood carwash to raise funds for the local animal shelter; here > is Sue who turned an abandoned lot into a community flower > garden,interspersed with stories,when they can be found,of greater > selflessness and courage...*in direct counterpoint* to: so and so was gunned > down today; so and so was burglarized today; so and so public figure was > indicted today for massive fraud...As we know,it's easy to keep people down > and helpless if you feed them a steady diet of despair,but people also have > a funny way of learning how to think for themselves if they are consistently > given hope that their individual actions *can* make a difference.It seems to > me that we need to deliberately shine these little lights into the public > sphere rather than passively allow the malefactors of society to dictate the > collective agenda.Call me a Pollyanna but I think a positive media emphasis > on collective responsibility/action/results has not only entertainment value > but revolutionary potential. > > Oh,well,anyway...I like to dream of a better day. > > > > > > > > I think and Yenaine are true heroes. It takes real courage to > at least *try* to protect someone smaller and weaker than yourself, > particularly when you yourself are a child or in a weak and vulnerable > position. That kind of courage is more than remarkable, it is outstanding, > exquisitely rare, and worthy of great praise. > > > > There isn't a civilian version of a " purple heart " award that I know of, > but if I had it in my power I would bestow such an award on you both, > publicly and with great fanfare, and I would bestow it on all those little > children who try to protect other children from abuse at the risk of real > harm, abuse and retaliation to themselves. > > > > The willingness to sacrifice yourself to protect another is the very > utmost that any human being *can* do; it transcends our frail and trembling > mortal selves. Its the radiant spiritual part of us coming forward, and it > is fall-on-your-knees awesome. > > > > Kudos to you. > > > > -Annie > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 20, 2010 Report Share Posted December 20, 2010 Hhhhmmm,I'll bet someone was blackmailing that teacher-turned-mayor because scum like that don't commit suicide from the despair of self hatred but from the despair of losing power,so it sounds like somebody had some serious dirt on him.I can't say I'm sorry he ended up like that--the bastard reaped what he sowed. I think that children who are sexually abused just blame themselves no matter what they do or don't do.I've read about survivors putting a trip on themselves for not having " asked for help " or " doing anything " but as someone who did try to get help and was rejected (and was additionally traumatized by that),I'd say that the most important thing is prevention when at all possible.It's really soul destroying to *tell* someone that you are being abused and to have them not care,so it hurts me when I hear survivors beating themselves up for not disclosing since by saying nothing they probably spared themselves additional trauma and were better off.I also wonder if I would have been rescued *if* I had been believed I guess in the same way survivors who didn't speak up wonder if they would have rescued themselves by speaking up but I've read case after case of child sexual assaults that made it to court and the penalties handed down didn't amount to much.The most OUTRAGEOUS and mind blowing case I read was the story of Masha who was adopted from Russia at the age of six by a male American pedophile who used her in his child porn productions.She eventually told on him and child protective services removed her from the " home " .Her perp was sent to a special institute for sex offenders where *he* received counseling while *her* mental health rehabilitation was left to the discretion of her foster " mother " ,who paraded her before the American media as a " brave survivor " of " kiddie porn " but never bothered to get her into counseling.Masha later had to ask CPS to rescue her from this foster " mother " who was only using her to gain attention for herself while she received no psychotherapeutic assistance whatsoever. I don't know what would have happened to me psychologically if I had continued to allow the pervert to bully me into submission.It's such a long complicated story that I left alot out of my posts about it but one day right after my birthday he just pushed it too far,reading aloud to the entire class a letter nada had given me to give to him about me having my period,and that was when I understood that if I didn't start to fight back he was going to humiliate me right to total destruction.I felt like him reading that letter aloud was a declaration of war and I reacted accordingly.He was laughing at me that day along with all the boys in the class and he said mockingly, " So...you're a woman now... " and I went back in there the next day thinking: Asshole,I'm not a woman,I am your worst fucking nightmare...I paid dearly for my campaign of terror against him.I was punished again and again,told again and again that I had no right to defend myself.*I* was maligned while *he* was protected and that slowly destroyed me even though outwardly I seemed like this kick ass kid.I do think it's better that I fought back but it cost me.Alot.And I had already been sexually abused for three and a half years from the ages of five to eight and a half so I was fighting back with all this triggering going on.It's a long story. I did show him to go to hell,though.Not only that but I *sent* him to hell: I made him so sick that he was out for an entire month (glorious April) while we had a lovely substitute teacher and on the last day of school I arranged a nice public humiliation of him in front of *his* peers/colleagues with my boy army (the same ones who had laughed at me the day of his declaration of war--I made them into MY troops and turned them against him because he had just gone too fucking far and now they were laughing at *him*) I enjoy that memory of his public humiliation very much but it doesn't compensate for the fact that I lost so many illusions about life (and about actually having parents) that year way before I was ready that I also lost my mind for the next ten years. Thanks for your support,though,after having said all that.It does help more than I can express.It's really complicated and no matter how I try I can't condense it down to a few lines,so I'll stop now > > I forgot to tell you the end......after many years this teacher became a > mayor! but soon after that he comitted a suicide. My first thougt was that > one of this girls ( probably they were some more) had confronted him with > what he did ( and maybe even blackmailed him) But even if that was not so > the bastard got what he deserved. > Like I said before , you reminde me of me . 6 years old girl fighting > against rasist system and stupid , coward people....vau ...you were even > worst than me..:-))) And yes I think we are such a big figters against the > abuses or injustice because we know how it looks , how it feels and because > we see ourselves in other vicimts and we know how badly she or he needs > support. > What was happening to you was very bad and evil ( and definitly a crime - > not just pedhofil abuse - the crime was that people around you didn't do > what thay had to do to stop it and to protect you) but it is good that you > fight back. I met a lot of victims of child abuse and a lot of them suffered > even more if they didn't do anything because later thay blame herself or > himself for that too. I think thata showing this bastard to go to herll > helped your sanity. > Have a nice evening and bid BRAVO!! to you too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 20, 2010 Report Share Posted December 20, 2010 Hhhhmmm,I'll bet someone was blackmailing that teacher-turned-mayor because scum like that don't commit suicide from the despair of self hatred but from the despair of losing power,so it sounds like somebody had some serious dirt on him.I can't say I'm sorry he ended up like that--the bastard reaped what he sowed. I think that children who are sexually abused just blame themselves no matter what they do or don't do.I've read about survivors putting a trip on themselves for not having " asked for help " or " doing anything " but as someone who did try to get help and was rejected (and was additionally traumatized by that),I'd say that the most important thing is prevention when at all possible.It's really soul destroying to *tell* someone that you are being abused and to have them not care,so it hurts me when I hear survivors beating themselves up for not disclosing since by saying nothing they probably spared themselves additional trauma and were better off.I also wonder if I would have been rescued *if* I had been believed I guess in the same way survivors who didn't speak up wonder if they would have rescued themselves by speaking up but I've read case after case of child sexual assaults that made it to court and the penalties handed down didn't amount to much.The most OUTRAGEOUS and mind blowing case I read was the story of Masha who was adopted from Russia at the age of six by a male American pedophile who used her in his child porn productions.She eventually told on him and child protective services removed her from the " home " .Her perp was sent to a special institute for sex offenders where *he* received counseling while *her* mental health rehabilitation was left to the discretion of her foster " mother " ,who paraded her before the American media as a " brave survivor " of " kiddie porn " but never bothered to get her into counseling.Masha later had to ask CPS to rescue her from this foster " mother " who was only using her to gain attention for herself while she received no psychotherapeutic assistance whatsoever. I don't know what would have happened to me psychologically if I had continued to allow the pervert to bully me into submission.It's such a long complicated story that I left alot out of my posts about it but one day right after my birthday he just pushed it too far,reading aloud to the entire class a letter nada had given me to give to him about me having my period,and that was when I understood that if I didn't start to fight back he was going to humiliate me right to total destruction.I felt like him reading that letter aloud was a declaration of war and I reacted accordingly.He was laughing at me that day along with all the boys in the class and he said mockingly, " So...you're a woman now... " and I went back in there the next day thinking: Asshole,I'm not a woman,I am your worst fucking nightmare...I paid dearly for my campaign of terror against him.I was punished again and again,told again and again that I had no right to defend myself.*I* was maligned while *he* was protected and that slowly destroyed me even though outwardly I seemed like this kick ass kid.I do think it's better that I fought back but it cost me.Alot.And I had already been sexually abused for three and a half years from the ages of five to eight and a half so I was fighting back with all this triggering going on.It's a long story. I did show him to go to hell,though.Not only that but I *sent* him to hell: I made him so sick that he was out for an entire month (glorious April) while we had a lovely substitute teacher and on the last day of school I arranged a nice public humiliation of him in front of *his* peers/colleagues with my boy army (the same ones who had laughed at me the day of his declaration of war--I made them into MY troops and turned them against him because he had just gone too fucking far and now they were laughing at *him*) I enjoy that memory of his public humiliation very much but it doesn't compensate for the fact that I lost so many illusions about life (and about actually having parents) that year way before I was ready that I also lost my mind for the next ten years. Thanks for your support,though,after having said all that.It does help more than I can express.It's really complicated and no matter how I try I can't condense it down to a few lines,so I'll stop now > > I forgot to tell you the end......after many years this teacher became a > mayor! but soon after that he comitted a suicide. My first thougt was that > one of this girls ( probably they were some more) had confronted him with > what he did ( and maybe even blackmailed him) But even if that was not so > the bastard got what he deserved. > Like I said before , you reminde me of me . 6 years old girl fighting > against rasist system and stupid , coward people....vau ...you were even > worst than me..:-))) And yes I think we are such a big figters against the > abuses or injustice because we know how it looks , how it feels and because > we see ourselves in other vicimts and we know how badly she or he needs > support. > What was happening to you was very bad and evil ( and definitly a crime - > not just pedhofil abuse - the crime was that people around you didn't do > what thay had to do to stop it and to protect you) but it is good that you > fight back. I met a lot of victims of child abuse and a lot of them suffered > even more if they didn't do anything because later thay blame herself or > himself for that too. I think thata showing this bastard to go to herll > helped your sanity. > Have a nice evening and bid BRAVO!! to you too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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