Marriage issues

[Guest guest]

(branching off from another thread...)

Ugh. Just processing SOOOOO much stuff since I said goodbye to the back of her

head as she stomped out of the therapists office.

Is your Nada hellbent on destroying your marriage?

My story is: met my dh when I was 21, he was 19. We moved in together after 4

months(to get me the hell away from nada). My nada LOVED him at first. He was a

student of hers for a short time many years before and wrote her a nice note in

the 5th grade. She KEPT the note all those years!!! (concrete validation that

she is " awesome " , at least in the opinion of an 11 yo..?)

So she got along with him, but fought with me. This was no surprise because she

already had a history of supporting my bfs and siding with them when they are

mean, abusive, etc. When I was in HS she would invite my bf over, then punish

me, ground me to my room and hang out with my bf for a couple of hours. She

would even say things IN FRONT OF ME like " Why are you even with her? She's such

a BITCH! "

So for the 1st couple of years she liked my dh and not me. My dh was a

workaholic and stayed away from home as much as possible because Nada lived with

us and he just couldn't bear being near her. She would tell me that he stayed

away because I was driving him away, he was going to leave me and I would

deserve it, blah blah blah. Things changed when he started standing up to her.

She HATED him and told him that. I would try to defend him, but not too much

(lol!) because I knew what that do to the house.

When he finally had had enough and told me he was moving out and hoped that the

kids and I would come with him Nada went CRAZY!!! She would tell me that he was

going to leave me, it was only a matter of time, etc. She told me if I moved

out, I couldn't come back WHEN he left me (not if!). She told me that if I

stayed with her, then she would help me and support me and the kids WHEN he

divorced me. I told her " I'll take my chances. "

AFTER we moved out, she would called my husband on his work cell and teld him

how " promiscuous " I was in my youth. (she believes I was a WHORE in hs????

whatever. projection, perhaps? lol!) When she realized that I wasn't going to

choose her over him, then she tried to get HIM to leave ME!!!!

My husband said " What the hell are you doing, trying to ruin our marriage? "

Nada said something along the lines like " I just thought you should know the

truth about her! "

He responded with " We have been married for over 10 years! I love your daughter

and I am NOT going to leave her. Your husbands left you because you are a mean

manipulative bitch, but I'm not gonna leave MY wife! " and he hung up on her.

When that didn't work, she tried to get at me through my children and extended

family. She would call my aunts and gossip about me while my children were in

the room. They would get upset, but knew not to say anything because they were

alone with her and didn't want to get her wrath. She even went so far as to tell

my family that my husband is verbally abusive and calls me " Fat " , etc. My

husband has NEVER ONCE said anything about my weight issues in the nearly 15

years we have been together!!!! He fully understands my weight fluctuations

(120-250) are residual from my upbringing and he lets me work on them as my own

pace. It burns me so bad, that she attacked the most wonderful parts of his

character-his understanding, empathy, and unconditional love for me. If I deny

the accusations, I look like the classic abused wife who's in denial.

Is it wrong to mantra... " Die already, will ya? "