Re: Some successes... and some challenges...

[Guest guest]

Our list owner has requested that we not use the addiction analogy for the reasons that Mimi states below. the idea of being powerless over food can be triggering for some folks and is a topic better suited to OA or other groups.

best,AbbyIE moderator hat on 

 

I don't think the food/alcohol analogy is a perfect one. Alcohol is something you can technically restrain yourself from for the rest of your life; food is not. Part of IE, for me, is that we are not powerless over food and that not being able to stop is a symptom of food restriction and deprivation.

 

Mimi

 

 

Subject: Re: Some successes... and some challenges...

To: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Monday, August 29, 2011, 11:32 PM

 

If I'm learning about myself, I don't judge others. I do what is right for me. *I* wouldn't feed my kids a steady diet of junk, so why would I feed myself a steady diet of junk? If I can't stop eating what I believe is bad for me, it means I'm addicted to that food. That's what OA taught me. Food has power over me, and each one of us must approach our food addiction in a different way. For instance, some theories are that the alcoholic should keep a bottle in the house to prove that he can stay away from it. Others believe they should not have alcohol in the house. And yet others believe, as IE does, once the proper attitude is taken towards alcohol, a person can drink normally. Each one must think for himself. Alcohol is not bad in itself, but it's addictive for certain people. They KNOW it's not good for them (it can be GOOD for others, but not good for them, so they don't judge others who drink), but feel a strong strong urge to drink regardless

of the consequences.

[Guest guest]

Makes sense to me, Sandy. Sometimes, I just feel a NEED and can't identify it. It could be the need to take a nap or call a friend. In the past, rather than explore this feeling, I would just assume it was a need to eat. Now, I am a little more discerning, but it's not easy.

Mimi

Subject: Re: Re: Some successes... and some challenges...To: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Tuesday, August 30, 2011, 11:46 AM

tilley, sometimes I never do figure it out, but the other day I realized it was really a nap that I needed. After I did that I stopped looking for food. Sometimes I am just bored or lonely. Need to work on finding better solutions for those rather than food. Sandy

[Guest guest]

Makes sense to me, Sandy. Sometimes, I just feel a NEED and can't identify it. It could be the need to take a nap or call a friend. In the past, rather than explore this feeling, I would just assume it was a need to eat. Now, I am a little more discerning, but it's not easy.

Mimi

Subject: Re: Re: Some successes... and some challenges...To: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Tuesday, August 30, 2011, 11:46 AM

tilley, sometimes I never do figure it out, but the other day I realized it was really a nap that I needed. After I did that I stopped looking for food. Sometimes I am just bored or lonely. Need to work on finding better solutions for those rather than food. Sandy

[Guest guest]

Makes sense to me, Sandy. Sometimes, I just feel a NEED and can't identify it. It could be the need to take a nap or call a friend. In the past, rather than explore this feeling, I would just assume it was a need to eat. Now, I am a little more discerning, but it's not easy.

Mimi

Subject: Re: Re: Some successes... and some challenges...To: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Tuesday, August 30, 2011, 11:46 AM

tilley, sometimes I never do figure it out, but the other day I realized it was really a nap that I needed. After I did that I stopped looking for food. Sometimes I am just bored or lonely. Need to work on finding better solutions for those rather than food. Sandy

[Guest guest]

Mimi, I agree it is not easy and the time I took the nap was when I  was sick this past week and it was pretty obvious.  I know that often I realize that I am numbing the feelings and choosing to do so because I am " afraid " to feel whatever it is.  Then I guess the task becomes why am I afraid, or rather what would happen if I did let myself feel..... Sometimes I don't even want to answer that.  I know that if I need to cry and try not to it can often be because my sinuses get all congested.  But I wonder if that is just an excuse or surface feeling.  When I have allowed myself to grieve and hard, I feel so much better afterwards and it is usually quite short.  When I got my divorce, I was afraid to cry because the grief was so deep(didn't want the marriage to end), that I thought I would never be able to stop crying.  I'm sure I'm not the only one who has felt that way.  And if I allow myself to feel lonely, I will have to do something about that.  The same is true for feeling bored.  I have plenty of things, and pleasant creative things, to do.  But if I feel that boredom I will have to do something about it.  Sometimes I judge myself as being lazy and maybe that's true? Thanks for listening.  This is all something I might be doing in a journal. I avoid that too for fear that too much negativity will come up.  I spent a lot of time in therapy and a lot of time in the " sh*t " . I did learn to focus on the positive too though.  Sorry this is so long.  Sandy

 

Makes sense to me, Sandy. Sometimes, I just feel a NEED and can't identify it. It could be the need to take a nap or call a friend. In the past, rather than explore this feeling, I would just assume it was a need to eat. Now, I am a little more discerning, but it's not easy.

 

Mimi

 

Subject: Re: Re: Some successes... and some challenges...

To: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Tuesday, August 30, 2011, 11:46 AM

 

tilley, sometimes I never do figure it out, but the other day I realized it was really a nap that I needed.  After I did that I stopped looking for food.  Sometimes I am just bored or lonely.  Need to work on finding better solutions for those rather than food.  Sandy

[Guest guest]

Well, and part of the problem is that the original writer hasn't read and isn't

following the IE principles which I thought this site was at least trying to use

as a basic frame of reference. We could argue on and one about various

non-diet theories, nutrition, medical theories on diseases, addiction, whose

family member has what medical condition and yet eats like a mouse, etc. but

that doesn't support the principles I'm trying to get my head wrapped around.

Know what I mean?

>

>

>

> Subject: Re: Some successes... and some

challenges...

> To: IntuitiveEating_Support

> Date: Monday, August 29, 2011, 11:32 PM

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> If I'm learning about myself, I don't judge others. I do what is right for me.

*I* wouldn't feed my kids a steady diet of junk, so why would I feed myself a

steady diet of junk? If I can't stop eating what I believe is bad for me, it

means I'm addicted to that food. That's what OA taught me. Food has power over

me, and each one of us must approach our food addiction in a different way. For

instance, some theories are that the alcoholic should keep a bottle in the house

to prove that he can stay away from it. Others believe they should not have

alcohol in the house. And yet others believe, as IE does, once the proper

attitude is taken towards alcohol, a person can drink normally. Each one must

think for himself. Alcohol is not bad in itself, but it's addictive for certain

people. They KNOW it's not good for them (it can be GOOD for others, but not

good for them, so they don't judge others who drink), but feel a strong strong

urge to drink regardless of

> the consequences.

>

[Guest guest]

Well, and part of the problem is that the original writer hasn't read and isn't

following the IE principles which I thought this site was at least trying to use

as a basic frame of reference. We could argue on and one about various

non-diet theories, nutrition, medical theories on diseases, addiction, whose

family member has what medical condition and yet eats like a mouse, etc. but

that doesn't support the principles I'm trying to get my head wrapped around.

Know what I mean?

>

>

>

> Subject: Re: Some successes... and some

challenges...

> To: IntuitiveEating_Support

> Date: Monday, August 29, 2011, 11:32 PM

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> If I'm learning about myself, I don't judge others. I do what is right for me.

*I* wouldn't feed my kids a steady diet of junk, so why would I feed myself a

steady diet of junk? If I can't stop eating what I believe is bad for me, it

means I'm addicted to that food. That's what OA taught me. Food has power over

me, and each one of us must approach our food addiction in a different way. For

instance, some theories are that the alcoholic should keep a bottle in the house

to prove that he can stay away from it. Others believe they should not have

alcohol in the house. And yet others believe, as IE does, once the proper

attitude is taken towards alcohol, a person can drink normally. Each one must

think for himself. Alcohol is not bad in itself, but it's addictive for certain

people. They KNOW it's not good for them (it can be GOOD for others, but not

good for them, so they don't judge others who drink), but feel a strong strong

urge to drink regardless of

> the consequences.

>

[Guest guest]

Well, and part of the problem is that the original writer hasn't read and isn't

following the IE principles which I thought this site was at least trying to use

as a basic frame of reference. We could argue on and one about various

non-diet theories, nutrition, medical theories on diseases, addiction, whose

family member has what medical condition and yet eats like a mouse, etc. but

that doesn't support the principles I'm trying to get my head wrapped around.

Know what I mean?

>

>

>

> Subject: Re: Some successes... and some

challenges...

> To: IntuitiveEating_Support

> Date: Monday, August 29, 2011, 11:32 PM

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> If I'm learning about myself, I don't judge others. I do what is right for me.

*I* wouldn't feed my kids a steady diet of junk, so why would I feed myself a

steady diet of junk? If I can't stop eating what I believe is bad for me, it

means I'm addicted to that food. That's what OA taught me. Food has power over

me, and each one of us must approach our food addiction in a different way. For

instance, some theories are that the alcoholic should keep a bottle in the house

to prove that he can stay away from it. Others believe they should not have

alcohol in the house. And yet others believe, as IE does, once the proper

attitude is taken towards alcohol, a person can drink normally. Each one must

think for himself. Alcohol is not bad in itself, but it's addictive for certain

people. They KNOW it's not good for them (it can be GOOD for others, but not

good for them, so they don't judge others who drink), but feel a strong strong

urge to drink regardless of

> the consequences.

>

[Guest guest]

I do know what you mean. I think there was a discussion here not so long ago about the often conflicting messages about nutrition that comes out by respected experts every week in the media. I'm not someone who hates doctors or who says that science is baloney. On the contrary, I'm grateful for the knowledge we have these days and the diseases that are no longer fatal because of modern medicine (being someone who was on chemotherapy at a fairly young age, I would be remiss not to!). In fact, I take fish oil and vitamin D supplements most days of the week.

However, I do think that with all the advice we have lost touch with our bodies. And our bodies are powerful tools that can give us so much SPECIFIC information about our own needs. The experts talk about general principles. The studies and statistics are based on population studies. These things may or may not apply to us. It's up to us to look at the studies and the science and to decide what is best for our own bodies. Not to dismiss science, but to use it intelligently, along with our own body's cues.

I have also been guilty of presenting anecdotal evidence here, citing my mom as an example that diabetics are not always obese, etc. Truth is, some diabetics are obese and some are not. My mom's particular body and experience may or may not apply to anyone else.

Mimi

Subject: Re: Some successes... and some challenges...To: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Tuesday, August 30, 2011, 12:30 PM

Well, and part of the problem is that the original writer hasn't read and isn't following the IE principles which I thought this site was at least trying to use as a basic frame of reference. We could argue on and one about various non-diet theories, nutrition, medical theories on diseases, addiction, whose family member has what medical condition and yet eats like a mouse, etc. but that doesn't support the principles I'm trying to get my head wrapped around. Know what I mean?

[Guest guest]

I do know what you mean. I think there was a discussion here not so long ago about the often conflicting messages about nutrition that comes out by respected experts every week in the media. I'm not someone who hates doctors or who says that science is baloney. On the contrary, I'm grateful for the knowledge we have these days and the diseases that are no longer fatal because of modern medicine (being someone who was on chemotherapy at a fairly young age, I would be remiss not to!). In fact, I take fish oil and vitamin D supplements most days of the week.

However, I do think that with all the advice we have lost touch with our bodies. And our bodies are powerful tools that can give us so much SPECIFIC information about our own needs. The experts talk about general principles. The studies and statistics are based on population studies. These things may or may not apply to us. It's up to us to look at the studies and the science and to decide what is best for our own bodies. Not to dismiss science, but to use it intelligently, along with our own body's cues.

I have also been guilty of presenting anecdotal evidence here, citing my mom as an example that diabetics are not always obese, etc. Truth is, some diabetics are obese and some are not. My mom's particular body and experience may or may not apply to anyone else.

Mimi

Subject: Re: Some successes... and some challenges...To: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Tuesday, August 30, 2011, 12:30 PM

Well, and part of the problem is that the original writer hasn't read and isn't following the IE principles which I thought this site was at least trying to use as a basic frame of reference. We could argue on and one about various non-diet theories, nutrition, medical theories on diseases, addiction, whose family member has what medical condition and yet eats like a mouse, etc. but that doesn't support the principles I'm trying to get my head wrapped around. Know what I mean?

[Guest guest]

I do know what you mean. I think there was a discussion here not so long ago about the often conflicting messages about nutrition that comes out by respected experts every week in the media. I'm not someone who hates doctors or who says that science is baloney. On the contrary, I'm grateful for the knowledge we have these days and the diseases that are no longer fatal because of modern medicine (being someone who was on chemotherapy at a fairly young age, I would be remiss not to!). In fact, I take fish oil and vitamin D supplements most days of the week.

However, I do think that with all the advice we have lost touch with our bodies. And our bodies are powerful tools that can give us so much SPECIFIC information about our own needs. The experts talk about general principles. The studies and statistics are based on population studies. These things may or may not apply to us. It's up to us to look at the studies and the science and to decide what is best for our own bodies. Not to dismiss science, but to use it intelligently, along with our own body's cues.

I have also been guilty of presenting anecdotal evidence here, citing my mom as an example that diabetics are not always obese, etc. Truth is, some diabetics are obese and some are not. My mom's particular body and experience may or may not apply to anyone else.

Mimi

Subject: Re: Some successes... and some challenges...To: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Tuesday, August 30, 2011, 12:30 PM

Well, and part of the problem is that the original writer hasn't read and isn't following the IE principles which I thought this site was at least trying to use as a basic frame of reference. We could argue on and one about various non-diet theories, nutrition, medical theories on diseases, addiction, whose family member has what medical condition and yet eats like a mouse, etc. but that doesn't support the principles I'm trying to get my head wrapped around. Know what I mean?

[Guest guest]

I appreciate your thoughtful post Mimi and agree with mindful use of medical

services. Its easy to wander off topic too. Thanks for the classy reminder.

ehugs, Katcha

IEing since Mach 2007

>

>

>

> Subject: Re: Some successes... and some

challenges...

> To: IntuitiveEating_Support

> Date: Tuesday, August 30, 2011, 12:30 PM

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> Well, and part of the problem is that the original writer hasn't read and

isn't following the IE principles which I thought this site was at least trying

to use as a basic frame of reference. We could argue on and one about various

non-diet theories, nutrition, medical theories on diseases, addiction, whose

family member has what medical condition and yet eats like a mouse, etc. but

that doesn't support the principles I'm trying to get my head wrapped around.

Know what I mean?

>

[Guest guest]

I appreciate your thoughtful post Mimi and agree with mindful use of medical

services. Its easy to wander off topic too. Thanks for the classy reminder.

ehugs, Katcha

IEing since Mach 2007

>

>

>

> Subject: Re: Some successes... and some

challenges...

> To: IntuitiveEating_Support

> Date: Tuesday, August 30, 2011, 12:30 PM

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> Well, and part of the problem is that the original writer hasn't read and

isn't following the IE principles which I thought this site was at least trying

to use as a basic frame of reference. We could argue on and one about various

non-diet theories, nutrition, medical theories on diseases, addiction, whose

family member has what medical condition and yet eats like a mouse, etc. but

that doesn't support the principles I'm trying to get my head wrapped around.

Know what I mean?

>

[Guest guest]

I appreciate your thoughtful post Mimi and agree with mindful use of medical

services. Its easy to wander off topic too. Thanks for the classy reminder.

ehugs, Katcha

IEing since Mach 2007

>

>

>

> Subject: Re: Some successes... and some

challenges...

> To: IntuitiveEating_Support

> Date: Tuesday, August 30, 2011, 12:30 PM

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> Well, and part of the problem is that the original writer hasn't read and

isn't following the IE principles which I thought this site was at least trying

to use as a basic frame of reference. We could argue on and one about various

non-diet theories, nutrition, medical theories on diseases, addiction, whose

family member has what medical condition and yet eats like a mouse, etc. but

that doesn't support the principles I'm trying to get my head wrapped around.

Know what I mean?

>

[Guest guest]

Katcha, I heard the new hurricane name and thought it was like yours.  Spelled differently though.  Just a passing thought. Sandy

 

I appreciate your thoughtful post Mimi and agree with mindful use of medical services. Its easy to wander off topic too. Thanks for the classy reminder.

ehugs, Katcha

IEing since Mach 2007

>

>

>

> Subject: Re: Some successes... and some challenges...

> To: IntuitiveEating_Support

> Date: Tuesday, August 30, 2011, 12:30 PM

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> Well, and part of the problem is that the original writer hasn't read and isn't following the IE principles which I thought this site was at least trying to use as a basic frame of reference. We could argue on and one about various non-diet theories, nutrition, medical theories on diseases, addiction, whose family member has what medical condition and yet eats like a mouse, etc. but that doesn't support the principles I'm trying to get my head wrapped around. Know what I mean?

>

[Guest guest]

Katcha, I heard the new hurricane name and thought it was like yours.  Spelled differently though.  Just a passing thought. Sandy

 

I appreciate your thoughtful post Mimi and agree with mindful use of medical services. Its easy to wander off topic too. Thanks for the classy reminder.

ehugs, Katcha

IEing since Mach 2007

>

>

>

> Subject: Re: Some successes... and some challenges...

> To: IntuitiveEating_Support

> Date: Tuesday, August 30, 2011, 12:30 PM

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> Well, and part of the problem is that the original writer hasn't read and isn't following the IE principles which I thought this site was at least trying to use as a basic frame of reference. We could argue on and one about various non-diet theories, nutrition, medical theories on diseases, addiction, whose family member has what medical condition and yet eats like a mouse, etc. but that doesn't support the principles I'm trying to get my head wrapped around. Know what I mean?

>

[Guest guest]

Katcha, I heard the new hurricane name and thought it was like yours.  Spelled differently though.  Just a passing thought. Sandy

 

I appreciate your thoughtful post Mimi and agree with mindful use of medical services. Its easy to wander off topic too. Thanks for the classy reminder.

ehugs, Katcha

IEing since Mach 2007

>

>

>

> Subject: Re: Some successes... and some challenges...

> To: IntuitiveEating_Support

> Date: Tuesday, August 30, 2011, 12:30 PM

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> Well, and part of the problem is that the original writer hasn't read and isn't following the IE principles which I thought this site was at least trying to use as a basic frame of reference. We could argue on and one about various non-diet theories, nutrition, medical theories on diseases, addiction, whose family member has what medical condition and yet eats like a mouse, etc. but that doesn't support the principles I'm trying to get my head wrapped around. Know what I mean?

>

[Guest guest]

Katia, Katjas and Katya are all spelling variations of Russian for ''. I

find it interesting to come across 'my' name much more these days. When I was a

child (1950s) it was totally 'unique' and definitely stood out in a world of

Debbies, s, Kathys, Judys etc. Guess it was only a matter of time before my

POWER was recognized - LOL!!! (and I am some what of a whirlwind type too -

yikes!)

Katcha

>

> Katcha, I heard the new hurricane name and thought it was like yours.

> Spelled differently though. Just a passing thought. Sandy

>

[Guest guest]

Katcha,   Well, I think it is a beautiful name.  I had four Sandys in my classes in high school!  Sandy

 

Katia, Katjas and Katya are all spelling variations of Russian for ''. I find it interesting to come across 'my' name much more these days. When I was a child (1950s) it was totally 'unique' and definitely stood out in a world of Debbies, s, Kathys, Judys etc. Guess it was only a matter of time before my POWER was recognized - LOL!!! (and I am some what of a whirlwind type too - yikes!)

Katcha

>

> Katcha, I heard the new hurricane name and thought it was like yours.

> Spelled differently though. Just a passing thought. Sandy

>

[Guest guest]

Katcha,   Well, I think it is a beautiful name.  I had four Sandys in my classes in high school!  Sandy

 

Katia, Katjas and Katya are all spelling variations of Russian for ''. I find it interesting to come across 'my' name much more these days. When I was a child (1950s) it was totally 'unique' and definitely stood out in a world of Debbies, s, Kathys, Judys etc. Guess it was only a matter of time before my POWER was recognized - LOL!!! (and I am some what of a whirlwind type too - yikes!)

Katcha

>

> Katcha, I heard the new hurricane name and thought it was like yours.

> Spelled differently though. Just a passing thought. Sandy

>

[Guest guest]

Sandy,

I really, really appreciate what you wrote. Please don't apologize for its length.

I actually think that feeling those negative feelings is at the HEART of IE.

I really LOVED geneen roth's discussion of this in Women, Food, and God.

But I wanted to gently disagree with one thing you said.

Maybe deciding to let yourself feel those feelings PLUS feeling like if you admit to them, you must act on them is too much to take on right now?

Is there any reason you couldn't start with JUST feeling them, and maybe just for a short time, and that's it?

I remember after my dad died that sometimes I would decide to feel grief for just 10 minutes, and then I would " put it in a box " and stop feeling it for a while. Ten minutes was all I could handle, at least at first. And there wasn't anything I could " do " with the feeling except feel it.

What if you did an experiment to see how it felt to just feel the feelings with full permission to not change your actions? I would be very interested to hear how that went for you. (My guess is that it would feel easier, and your actions would gradually change of their own accord, but much more easily, of their own accord.)

Best,

Abby

[Guest guest]

Abby, I did do my grieving that way, a little at a time. I think it was more intense with the divorce because the others came with old age and sickness(Dad, Mom, Brother, Dog).  I think it is also a good idea to balance that with feeling all the good feelings too.  Sometimes I forget to do that. Part of what I am feeling now is age creeping up on me.  I never paid any attention to age in all my life, until I had a couple of years of feeling like my time was done, or close, due to health issues.  And then I turned 68(not real old), and my brother and boyfriend turned 70. It's both scarey and motivating (put what time is left to good use and enjoyment).  Somehow 70 seems like a big turning point, transition.  Not all bad but just a change. That means 20-30 years left perhaps and my grandson will be in his 20's(that's really hard).  If I feel my feelings of sadness, loss, loneliness, etc.,  I usually cry.  Not hysterically.  Or I eat.  Well got to go for now.  Just talked with my sister-in-law who is deeply grieving the loss of my brother.  They were so attached.  She is getting lots of help though.   Sandy

 

Sandy,

I really, really appreciate what you wrote. Please don't apologize for its length.

I actually think that feeling those negative feelings is at the HEART of IE.

I really LOVED geneen roth's discussion of this in Women, Food, and God.

But I wanted to gently disagree with one thing you said.

Maybe deciding to let yourself feel those feelings PLUS feeling like if you admit to them, you must act on them is too much to take on right now?

Is there any reason you couldn't start with JUST feeling them, and maybe just for a short time, and that's it?

I remember after my dad died that sometimes I would decide to feel grief for just 10 minutes, and then I would " put it in a box " and stop feeling it for a while. Ten minutes was all I could handle, at least at first. And there wasn't anything I could " do " with the feeling except feel it.

What if you did an experiment to see how it felt to just feel the feelings with full permission to not change your actions? I would be very interested to hear how that went for you. (My guess is that it would feel easier, and your actions would gradually change of their own accord, but much more easily, of their own accord.)

Best,

Abby

[Guest guest]

Abby, I did do my grieving that way, a little at a time. I think it was more intense with the divorce because the others came with old age and sickness(Dad, Mom, Brother, Dog).  I think it is also a good idea to balance that with feeling all the good feelings too.  Sometimes I forget to do that. Part of what I am feeling now is age creeping up on me.  I never paid any attention to age in all my life, until I had a couple of years of feeling like my time was done, or close, due to health issues.  And then I turned 68(not real old), and my brother and boyfriend turned 70. It's both scarey and motivating (put what time is left to good use and enjoyment).  Somehow 70 seems like a big turning point, transition.  Not all bad but just a change. That means 20-30 years left perhaps and my grandson will be in his 20's(that's really hard).  If I feel my feelings of sadness, loss, loneliness, etc.,  I usually cry.  Not hysterically.  Or I eat.  Well got to go for now.  Just talked with my sister-in-law who is deeply grieving the loss of my brother.  They were so attached.  She is getting lots of help though.   Sandy

 

Sandy,

I really, really appreciate what you wrote. Please don't apologize for its length.

I actually think that feeling those negative feelings is at the HEART of IE.

I really LOVED geneen roth's discussion of this in Women, Food, and God.

But I wanted to gently disagree with one thing you said.

Maybe deciding to let yourself feel those feelings PLUS feeling like if you admit to them, you must act on them is too much to take on right now?

Is there any reason you couldn't start with JUST feeling them, and maybe just for a short time, and that's it?

I remember after my dad died that sometimes I would decide to feel grief for just 10 minutes, and then I would " put it in a box " and stop feeling it for a while. Ten minutes was all I could handle, at least at first. And there wasn't anything I could " do " with the feeling except feel it.

What if you did an experiment to see how it felt to just feel the feelings with full permission to not change your actions? I would be very interested to hear how that went for you. (My guess is that it would feel easier, and your actions would gradually change of their own accord, but much more easily, of their own accord.)

Best,

Abby

[Guest guest]

Abby, I did do my grieving that way, a little at a time. I think it was more intense with the divorce because the others came with old age and sickness(Dad, Mom, Brother, Dog).  I think it is also a good idea to balance that with feeling all the good feelings too.  Sometimes I forget to do that. Part of what I am feeling now is age creeping up on me.  I never paid any attention to age in all my life, until I had a couple of years of feeling like my time was done, or close, due to health issues.  And then I turned 68(not real old), and my brother and boyfriend turned 70. It's both scarey and motivating (put what time is left to good use and enjoyment).  Somehow 70 seems like a big turning point, transition.  Not all bad but just a change. That means 20-30 years left perhaps and my grandson will be in his 20's(that's really hard).  If I feel my feelings of sadness, loss, loneliness, etc.,  I usually cry.  Not hysterically.  Or I eat.  Well got to go for now.  Just talked with my sister-in-law who is deeply grieving the loss of my brother.  They were so attached.  She is getting lots of help though.   Sandy

 

Sandy,

I really, really appreciate what you wrote. Please don't apologize for its length.

I actually think that feeling those negative feelings is at the HEART of IE.

I really LOVED geneen roth's discussion of this in Women, Food, and God.

But I wanted to gently disagree with one thing you said.

Maybe deciding to let yourself feel those feelings PLUS feeling like if you admit to them, you must act on them is too much to take on right now?

Is there any reason you couldn't start with JUST feeling them, and maybe just for a short time, and that's it?

I remember after my dad died that sometimes I would decide to feel grief for just 10 minutes, and then I would " put it in a box " and stop feeling it for a while. Ten minutes was all I could handle, at least at first. And there wasn't anything I could " do " with the feeling except feel it.

What if you did an experiment to see how it felt to just feel the feelings with full permission to not change your actions? I would be very interested to hear how that went for you. (My guess is that it would feel easier, and your actions would gradually change of their own accord, but much more easily, of their own accord.)

Best,

Abby

[Guest guest]

Good advice, Abby. I think it would be such a victory to just allow yourself permission to NOT do anything about these feelings. Feelings them is more than enough to begin with! Bravo, Sandy.