New to the Group!

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone,

I joined the group yesterday and I am currently in the process of reading

through posts, plus digesting Stop Walking on Eggshells. I have found it hard to

define BPD for myself since a lot of the material avaliable doesn't explain the

habits of someone with the disorder, but just list off medical terminology or

the DSM-IV criteria and that's not really all that helpful. I am quite happy my

therapist suggested this book and am already finding it quite helpful.

My mother is the one with BPD (among other diagnoses) and I feel that this has

lead to a lot of issues within our family unit. For explample, I have left

university countless times due to my own mental health issues and my mom can do

one of two things, she says " It was necessary otherwise you would have never got

to where you are now " and then she'll say " Well, maybe you should have just

stayed in unversity because now you've wasted all this money. " A lot of things

are starting to make sense to me from my childhood, like when my mom used to go

into a rage because my dad didn't get a specific item with the groceries (even

though she was the one who made the shopping list) or how none of my friends

were never good enough. None of it ever made sense, even if I did exactly what

she wanted it turned out that it was wrong; I started to wonder if we were both

speaking the English language.

Out of all the members of our immediate family, I'm the one who understands the

most because of my own mental health issues (I do not have BPD). The problem is

there is a big difference between me and my mother, I fought hard to get to

where I am now and she seems to have no interest in educating herself on her own

illnesses. Sir Francis Bacon one said, " Knowledge is power " . This line is best

understood when dealing with mental illness; unless you can define what is you

and what is the illness, then how do you you're ill?

My take on what I have read so far in Stop Walking on Eggshells is that a lot of

actions/wording/behaviour of a person with BPD is engrained in the

sub-conscious, thus it is hard for the person to recognize their actions are

socially unacceptable. I feel that my sisters and my dad have been enabling my

mother is act out because we never knew that this wasn't normal, but after all

these years how do I stop enabling her? Everything I say is apparently critizing

her as a person or a mother or something, but then is perfectly okay for her to

lash out irrationally at me without so much as an apology. It's always " Oh, I'm

ill and I can't handle this right now " . When exactly will she be able to handle

it? Each person is responsible for their actions, but apparently my mother is

above this law.

Yesterday I tried talking to her about the book and it turned into " Oh, you're

just picking on me! " meanwhile all I said was is I'm starting to understand

where you're coming from. Thiis has got to come to an end since it has affected

my entire family to the point where I see BPD traits in me, my dad and my

younger sister. Anyways, I will stop my rant now as I really just needed to get

some of this off my chest, no one in my family is willing to talk about it

except me.