Re: I continue to be tormented and Now threatened by my Father... Poss BPD??? Help.

[Guest guest]

Consider this just for you...It sounds like you suffer some of the PTSD-like

symptoms I do when my nada goes at me...the only help that saved me was

counseling and learning about the problem-- knowing it wasn't about me took a

lot of the sting out of the irrational attacks and knowing that every word said

was the disorder and not nada.

If you desire to stay in contact, you can try some of the validation steps in

the book to validate without necessarily agreeing with him. You can also limit

contact so you feel safe again. You can not answer the phone, direct his emails

to the trash so you do not see them. You have the right to discontinue any

communication that leaves you feeling humiliated and violated or threatened and

I don't care who the person is on the other end.

The best thing I did was change my expectations and realize I had a biological

relative and not a mother. I could not look at what I had any more and think

someday she'll get help and be my mother. I mourned not having a mother. When

I did that, it got a little easier for me.

I have now disconnected my own expectations and decided to focus on healing the

pain from childhood and the recent pain inflicted while completely out of her

reach emotionally, physically and verbally. It helped. 3 years of NC went by

and I thought I might be strong enough but 6 text messages of vile, hateful,

paranoid delusions said otherwise. It took me a week to start to feel safe

again.

Focus on healing you...this may take time but counseling is really

helpful...ACOA materials helped me too along with lots of spiritual practice,

meditation, energy work and reparenting thoughts. Lots of different things can

help you heal. You just need to see what works for you.

I feel your pain but I acknowledge in you strength, sensitivity and great

capacity for love and healing. It's so nice to meet you!

Jaie

>

> Ever since my parents divorce 25 yrs ago, he has been an irrational,

anger/hate-filled, and paranoid person. He imagines that people disrespect him,

blows up in a huge way to anyone for no reason. He has a conflict with Every

person he is in contact with. Has no contact with any of his family except my

brother and I, but I had to separate myself from him. I had peace for 2 yrs, but

then, out of the blue he sent me an email threatening me and reiterating that I

would suffer consequences of spreading lies about him that I would never forget.

I, honestly, don't speak of our about him. I NEVER say anything. He sits at home

and imagines people are out to get him. My husband and I are professionals that

live out of state, but he drags this crap everywhere I go. My life is full of

love and peace when he leaves me alone. He thinks I am " poisoned " from living

with my mom for 3 yrs 25 yrs ago! It is insane. He will never seek help because

he sees others, mainly me, as the problem. I don't have conflicts with anyone in

my life, yet his life is full of it. I need help dealing with him. This email I

received was very, very threatening. He has said the most vile, hatelful things

to me imaginable. I am trying to keep my sense of humor, but I am emotionally

exhausted at this BS. Since this last event this weekend... Anytime I am awake,

my hands shake and my heart races. I didn't think There was ANY WAY IMAGINABLE

that ANYONE else could be dealing the hate-filled craziness that I have dealt

with for so long. I am a praying for him and also for God's protection over

me...

> Any advice???

>

[Guest guest]

Consider this just for you...It sounds like you suffer some of the PTSD-like

symptoms I do when my nada goes at me...the only help that saved me was

counseling and learning about the problem-- knowing it wasn't about me took a

lot of the sting out of the irrational attacks and knowing that every word said

was the disorder and not nada.

If you desire to stay in contact, you can try some of the validation steps in

the book to validate without necessarily agreeing with him. You can also limit

contact so you feel safe again. You can not answer the phone, direct his emails

to the trash so you do not see them. You have the right to discontinue any

communication that leaves you feeling humiliated and violated or threatened and

I don't care who the person is on the other end.

The best thing I did was change my expectations and realize I had a biological

relative and not a mother. I could not look at what I had any more and think

someday she'll get help and be my mother. I mourned not having a mother. When

I did that, it got a little easier for me.

I have now disconnected my own expectations and decided to focus on healing the

pain from childhood and the recent pain inflicted while completely out of her

reach emotionally, physically and verbally. It helped. 3 years of NC went by

and I thought I might be strong enough but 6 text messages of vile, hateful,

paranoid delusions said otherwise. It took me a week to start to feel safe

again.

Focus on healing you...this may take time but counseling is really

helpful...ACOA materials helped me too along with lots of spiritual practice,

meditation, energy work and reparenting thoughts. Lots of different things can

help you heal. You just need to see what works for you.

I feel your pain but I acknowledge in you strength, sensitivity and great

capacity for love and healing. It's so nice to meet you!

Jaie

>

> Ever since my parents divorce 25 yrs ago, he has been an irrational,

anger/hate-filled, and paranoid person. He imagines that people disrespect him,

blows up in a huge way to anyone for no reason. He has a conflict with Every

person he is in contact with. Has no contact with any of his family except my

brother and I, but I had to separate myself from him. I had peace for 2 yrs, but

then, out of the blue he sent me an email threatening me and reiterating that I

would suffer consequences of spreading lies about him that I would never forget.

I, honestly, don't speak of our about him. I NEVER say anything. He sits at home

and imagines people are out to get him. My husband and I are professionals that

live out of state, but he drags this crap everywhere I go. My life is full of

love and peace when he leaves me alone. He thinks I am " poisoned " from living

with my mom for 3 yrs 25 yrs ago! It is insane. He will never seek help because

he sees others, mainly me, as the problem. I don't have conflicts with anyone in

my life, yet his life is full of it. I need help dealing with him. This email I

received was very, very threatening. He has said the most vile, hatelful things

to me imaginable. I am trying to keep my sense of humor, but I am emotionally

exhausted at this BS. Since this last event this weekend... Anytime I am awake,

my hands shake and my heart races. I didn't think There was ANY WAY IMAGINABLE

that ANYONE else could be dealing the hate-filled craziness that I have dealt

with for so long. I am a praying for him and also for God's protection over

me...

> Any advice???

>

[Guest guest]

Consider this just for you...It sounds like you suffer some of the PTSD-like

symptoms I do when my nada goes at me...the only help that saved me was

counseling and learning about the problem-- knowing it wasn't about me took a

lot of the sting out of the irrational attacks and knowing that every word said

was the disorder and not nada.

If you desire to stay in contact, you can try some of the validation steps in

the book to validate without necessarily agreeing with him. You can also limit

contact so you feel safe again. You can not answer the phone, direct his emails

to the trash so you do not see them. You have the right to discontinue any

communication that leaves you feeling humiliated and violated or threatened and

I don't care who the person is on the other end.

The best thing I did was change my expectations and realize I had a biological

relative and not a mother. I could not look at what I had any more and think

someday she'll get help and be my mother. I mourned not having a mother. When

I did that, it got a little easier for me.

I have now disconnected my own expectations and decided to focus on healing the

pain from childhood and the recent pain inflicted while completely out of her

reach emotionally, physically and verbally. It helped. 3 years of NC went by

and I thought I might be strong enough but 6 text messages of vile, hateful,

paranoid delusions said otherwise. It took me a week to start to feel safe

again.

Focus on healing you...this may take time but counseling is really

helpful...ACOA materials helped me too along with lots of spiritual practice,

meditation, energy work and reparenting thoughts. Lots of different things can

help you heal. You just need to see what works for you.

I feel your pain but I acknowledge in you strength, sensitivity and great

capacity for love and healing. It's so nice to meet you!

Jaie

>

> Ever since my parents divorce 25 yrs ago, he has been an irrational,

anger/hate-filled, and paranoid person. He imagines that people disrespect him,

blows up in a huge way to anyone for no reason. He has a conflict with Every

person he is in contact with. Has no contact with any of his family except my

brother and I, but I had to separate myself from him. I had peace for 2 yrs, but

then, out of the blue he sent me an email threatening me and reiterating that I

would suffer consequences of spreading lies about him that I would never forget.

I, honestly, don't speak of our about him. I NEVER say anything. He sits at home

and imagines people are out to get him. My husband and I are professionals that

live out of state, but he drags this crap everywhere I go. My life is full of

love and peace when he leaves me alone. He thinks I am " poisoned " from living

with my mom for 3 yrs 25 yrs ago! It is insane. He will never seek help because

he sees others, mainly me, as the problem. I don't have conflicts with anyone in

my life, yet his life is full of it. I need help dealing with him. This email I

received was very, very threatening. He has said the most vile, hatelful things

to me imaginable. I am trying to keep my sense of humor, but I am emotionally

exhausted at this BS. Since this last event this weekend... Anytime I am awake,

my hands shake and my heart races. I didn't think There was ANY WAY IMAGINABLE

that ANYONE else could be dealing the hate-filled craziness that I have dealt

with for so long. I am a praying for him and also for God's protection over

me...

> Any advice???

>

[Guest guest]

Yes.

1. Keep praying.

2. Go to the police or FBI with the email. Get a restraining order.

Be prepared to enforce it and press charges. Terroristic threats are no

laughing matter, and should not be tolerated.

3. Find yourself a good counselor. If, as I deduce from your

comments, you come from the Christian perspective, you may if you

prefer, find a Christian professional counselor in your area at AACC.net

( American Association of Christian Counselors.)

Sorry you have to deal with this. It is hard, I know. But your first

priority is to keep yourself and your family safe.

Your second is your emotional health.

I hope you heal, Indeed,

May we all heal.

Doug

>

> Ever since my parents divorce 25 yrs ago, he has been an irrational,

anger/hate-filled, and paranoid person. He imagines that people

disrespect him, blows up in a huge way to anyone for no reason. He has a

conflict with Every person he is in contact with. Has no contact with

any of his family except my brother and I, but I had to separate myself

from him. I had peace for 2 yrs, but then, out of the blue he sent me an

email threatening me and reiterating that I would suffer consequences of

spreading lies about him that I would never forget. I, honestly, don't

speak of our about him. I NEVER say anything. He sits at home and

imagines people are out to get him. My husband and I are professionals

that live out of state, but he drags this crap everywhere I go. My life

is full of love and peace when he leaves me alone. He thinks I am

" poisoned " from living with my mom for 3 yrs 25 yrs ago! It is insane.

He will never seek help because he sees others, mainly me, as the

problem. I don't have conflicts with anyone in my life, yet his life is

full of it. I need help dealing with him. This email I received was

very, very threatening. He has said the most vile, hatelful things to me

imaginable. I am trying to keep my sense of humor, but I am emotionally

exhausted at this BS. Since this last event this weekend... Anytime I am

awake, my hands shake and my heart races. I didn't think There was ANY

WAY IMAGINABLE that ANYONE else could be dealing the hate-filled

craziness that I have dealt with for so long. I am a praying for him and

also for God's protection over me...

> Any advice???

>

[Guest guest]

Yes.

1. Keep praying.

2. Go to the police or FBI with the email. Get a restraining order.

Be prepared to enforce it and press charges. Terroristic threats are no

laughing matter, and should not be tolerated.

3. Find yourself a good counselor. If, as I deduce from your

comments, you come from the Christian perspective, you may if you

prefer, find a Christian professional counselor in your area at AACC.net

( American Association of Christian Counselors.)

Sorry you have to deal with this. It is hard, I know. But your first

priority is to keep yourself and your family safe.

Your second is your emotional health.

I hope you heal, Indeed,

May we all heal.

Doug

>

> Ever since my parents divorce 25 yrs ago, he has been an irrational,

anger/hate-filled, and paranoid person. He imagines that people

disrespect him, blows up in a huge way to anyone for no reason. He has a

conflict with Every person he is in contact with. Has no contact with

any of his family except my brother and I, but I had to separate myself

from him. I had peace for 2 yrs, but then, out of the blue he sent me an

email threatening me and reiterating that I would suffer consequences of

spreading lies about him that I would never forget. I, honestly, don't

speak of our about him. I NEVER say anything. He sits at home and

imagines people are out to get him. My husband and I are professionals

that live out of state, but he drags this crap everywhere I go. My life

is full of love and peace when he leaves me alone. He thinks I am

" poisoned " from living with my mom for 3 yrs 25 yrs ago! It is insane.

He will never seek help because he sees others, mainly me, as the

problem. I don't have conflicts with anyone in my life, yet his life is

full of it. I need help dealing with him. This email I received was

very, very threatening. He has said the most vile, hatelful things to me

imaginable. I am trying to keep my sense of humor, but I am emotionally

exhausted at this BS. Since this last event this weekend... Anytime I am

awake, my hands shake and my heart races. I didn't think There was ANY

WAY IMAGINABLE that ANYONE else could be dealing the hate-filled

craziness that I have dealt with for so long. I am a praying for him and

also for God's protection over me...

> Any advice???

>

[Guest guest]

Wow Jaie, what you said about changing your expectations from waiting for your

mother to turn up to having a relative really hit home for me. I am going to try

to see it in this light. Thanks.

[Guest guest]

Sorry, that is hard. I'm with Doug. I wouldn't tolerate threats and I would

treat them just like threats from a stranger. Call the cops. Take it as far

as you have to. I had to do it with my brother and " sister-in-law " recently.

A threat is a threat, no matter who sends it.

>

>

> Yes.

>

> 1. Keep praying.

>

> 2. Go to the police or FBI with the email. Get a restraining order.

> Be prepared to enforce it and press charges. Terroristic threats are no

> laughing matter, and should not be tolerated.

>

> 3. Find yourself a good counselor. If, as I deduce from your

> comments, you come from the Christian perspective, you may if you

> prefer, find a Christian professional counselor in your area at AACC.net

> ( American Association of Christian Counselors.)

>

> Sorry you have to deal with this. It is hard, I know. But your first

> priority is to keep yourself and your family safe.

>

> Your second is your emotional health.

>

> I hope you heal, Indeed,

>

> May we all heal.

>

> Doug

>

>

> >

> > Ever since my parents divorce 25 yrs ago, he has been an irrational,

> anger/hate-filled, and paranoid person. He imagines that people

> disrespect him, blows up in a huge way to anyone for no reason. He has a

> conflict with Every person he is in contact with. Has no contact with

> any of his family except my brother and I, but I had to separate myself

> from him. I had peace for 2 yrs, but then, out of the blue he sent me an

> email threatening me and reiterating that I would suffer consequences of

> spreading lies about him that I would never forget. I, honestly, don't

> speak of our about him. I NEVER say anything. He sits at home and

> imagines people are out to get him. My husband and I are professionals

> that live out of state, but he drags this crap everywhere I go. My life

> is full of love and peace when he leaves me alone. He thinks I am

> " poisoned " from living with my mom for 3 yrs 25 yrs ago! It is insane.

> He will never seek help because he sees others, mainly me, as the

> problem. I don't have conflicts with anyone in my life, yet his life is

> full of it. I need help dealing with him. This email I received was

> very, very threatening. He has said the most vile, hatelful things to me

> imaginable. I am trying to keep my sense of humor, but I am emotionally

> exhausted at this BS. Since this last event this weekend... Anytime I am

> awake, my hands shake and my heart races. I didn't think There was ANY

> WAY IMAGINABLE that ANYONE else could be dealing the hate-filled

> craziness that I have dealt with for so long. I am a praying for him and

> also for God's protection over me...

> > Any advice???

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Sorry, that is hard. I'm with Doug. I wouldn't tolerate threats and I would

treat them just like threats from a stranger. Call the cops. Take it as far

as you have to. I had to do it with my brother and " sister-in-law " recently.

A threat is a threat, no matter who sends it.

>

>

> Yes.

>

> 1. Keep praying.

>

> 2. Go to the police or FBI with the email. Get a restraining order.

> Be prepared to enforce it and press charges. Terroristic threats are no

> laughing matter, and should not be tolerated.

>

> 3. Find yourself a good counselor. If, as I deduce from your

> comments, you come from the Christian perspective, you may if you

> prefer, find a Christian professional counselor in your area at AACC.net

> ( American Association of Christian Counselors.)

>

> Sorry you have to deal with this. It is hard, I know. But your first

> priority is to keep yourself and your family safe.

>

> Your second is your emotional health.

>

> I hope you heal, Indeed,

>

> May we all heal.

>

> Doug

>

>

> >

> > Ever since my parents divorce 25 yrs ago, he has been an irrational,

> anger/hate-filled, and paranoid person. He imagines that people

> disrespect him, blows up in a huge way to anyone for no reason. He has a

> conflict with Every person he is in contact with. Has no contact with

> any of his family except my brother and I, but I had to separate myself

> from him. I had peace for 2 yrs, but then, out of the blue he sent me an

> email threatening me and reiterating that I would suffer consequences of

> spreading lies about him that I would never forget. I, honestly, don't

> speak of our about him. I NEVER say anything. He sits at home and

> imagines people are out to get him. My husband and I are professionals

> that live out of state, but he drags this crap everywhere I go. My life

> is full of love and peace when he leaves me alone. He thinks I am

> " poisoned " from living with my mom for 3 yrs 25 yrs ago! It is insane.

> He will never seek help because he sees others, mainly me, as the

> problem. I don't have conflicts with anyone in my life, yet his life is

> full of it. I need help dealing with him. This email I received was

> very, very threatening. He has said the most vile, hatelful things to me

> imaginable. I am trying to keep my sense of humor, but I am emotionally

> exhausted at this BS. Since this last event this weekend... Anytime I am

> awake, my hands shake and my heart races. I didn't think There was ANY

> WAY IMAGINABLE that ANYONE else could be dealing the hate-filled

> craziness that I have dealt with for so long. I am a praying for him and

> also for God's protection over me...

> > Any advice???

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Sorry, that is hard. I'm with Doug. I wouldn't tolerate threats and I would

treat them just like threats from a stranger. Call the cops. Take it as far

as you have to. I had to do it with my brother and " sister-in-law " recently.

A threat is a threat, no matter who sends it.

>

>

> Yes.

>

> 1. Keep praying.

>

> 2. Go to the police or FBI with the email. Get a restraining order.

> Be prepared to enforce it and press charges. Terroristic threats are no

> laughing matter, and should not be tolerated.

>

> 3. Find yourself a good counselor. If, as I deduce from your

> comments, you come from the Christian perspective, you may if you

> prefer, find a Christian professional counselor in your area at AACC.net

> ( American Association of Christian Counselors.)

>

> Sorry you have to deal with this. It is hard, I know. But your first

> priority is to keep yourself and your family safe.

>

> Your second is your emotional health.

>

> I hope you heal, Indeed,

>

> May we all heal.

>

> Doug

>

>

> >

> > Ever since my parents divorce 25 yrs ago, he has been an irrational,

> anger/hate-filled, and paranoid person. He imagines that people

> disrespect him, blows up in a huge way to anyone for no reason. He has a

> conflict with Every person he is in contact with. Has no contact with

> any of his family except my brother and I, but I had to separate myself

> from him. I had peace for 2 yrs, but then, out of the blue he sent me an

> email threatening me and reiterating that I would suffer consequences of

> spreading lies about him that I would never forget. I, honestly, don't

> speak of our about him. I NEVER say anything. He sits at home and

> imagines people are out to get him. My husband and I are professionals

> that live out of state, but he drags this crap everywhere I go. My life

> is full of love and peace when he leaves me alone. He thinks I am

> " poisoned " from living with my mom for 3 yrs 25 yrs ago! It is insane.

> He will never seek help because he sees others, mainly me, as the

> problem. I don't have conflicts with anyone in my life, yet his life is

> full of it. I need help dealing with him. This email I received was

> very, very threatening. He has said the most vile, hatelful things to me

> imaginable. I am trying to keep my sense of humor, but I am emotionally

> exhausted at this BS. Since this last event this weekend... Anytime I am

> awake, my hands shake and my heart races. I didn't think There was ANY

> WAY IMAGINABLE that ANYONE else could be dealing the hate-filled

> craziness that I have dealt with for so long. I am a praying for him and

> also for God's protection over me...

> > Any advice???

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I agree. I take threats of harm seriously, whether they are threats against me

or whether the person is threatening to harm themselves.

If your father is threatening to hurt you or your loved ones or your property, I

hope you will take it seriously and make a report against him for your own

safety.

-Annie

[Guest guest]

Agreed. I think our expectations of how family should act keeps us from

protecting ourselves. However, family members do cause physical harm and engage

in insidious hurtful acts including murder. I don't mean to scare. My nada

threatened to get me. She also threatened to get my kids. I promptly had a

restraining order filed and got it ordered. That didn't stop her contact. She

kept calling any way so I just moved and changed my phone number. Now she can't

find me.

Protect yourself and get yourself some help to deal with this. It's really hard

when a family member is so hurtful and threatening. That is extreme and you

should protect yourself. restraining orders can't stop some one from hurting

you though. It just means that if they violate the order, you can press

charges. Be smart and cautious but do protect yourself.

>

[Guest guest]

I had to realize that I was hurting me by expecting nada to be a mother. When I

gave up that expectation and that hope, I no longer hurt me. It was a shift in

thinking. I had to mourn the death of " hope " in this case but it did help me.

The bouts I do suffer with her periodic outreach when someone accidentally lets

my phone number slip sends me into the PTSD-like state but it lasts days instead

of months now. It still hurts but it hurts less when my expectations are so

very low.

>

> Wow Jaie, what you said about changing your expectations from waiting for your

mother to turn up to having a relative really hit home for me. I am going to try

to see it in this light. Thanks.

>

[Guest guest]

I had to realize that I was hurting me by expecting nada to be a mother. When I

gave up that expectation and that hope, I no longer hurt me. It was a shift in

thinking. I had to mourn the death of " hope " in this case but it did help me.

The bouts I do suffer with her periodic outreach when someone accidentally lets

my phone number slip sends me into the PTSD-like state but it lasts days instead

of months now. It still hurts but it hurts less when my expectations are so

very low.

>

> Wow Jaie, what you said about changing your expectations from waiting for your

mother to turn up to having a relative really hit home for me. I am going to try

to see it in this light. Thanks.

>