Re: Feeling disappointed in people

[Guest guest]

Don t give up Joy. Find your namesake, it s out there.

Try different meetings. There are usually a number of them.

Sounds to me as if you may be depressed. Try to find someone to talk

to about that.

Doug

>

> Lately I've been feeling disconnected from people. It feels like no

one cares and it is hard for me to live by myself, and it just seems

like all my contacts and friends are busy these days. I've been going to

12 step meetings which is helping me but I just feel like whenever I

talk to people, or try to reach out to people, there seems to be a lack

of initiative on their part to plan with me and reach back. I can cope

with this, but the part I can't cope with is blatant rudeness. Like,

when I was talking to someone today, they started looking in the other

direction towards what others were saying. When they left, they left

with a friend. The other 2 people that were left in the meeting were

also leaving, and one was going to ask if the other had plans or not.

The other said she was meeting with 2 other friends for dinner.

>

> It just seems frustrating when it feels like everyone else has plans

with friends except me.

>

> Sometimes I feel like such an outsider both physically and emotionally

from everyone.

>

> I guess what it may come down to is just holidays. I have no contact

with my family as well. The good news is that I have plans.

>

> I don't know how to tackle the other stuff yet. I just feel bitter

about people in general, and I want to just be by myself for awhile to

stew in my bitterness. Even though I know it is not solving anything.

>

> Thanks for reading this.

>

> Joy

>

[Guest guest]

Don t give up Joy. Find your namesake, it s out there.

Try different meetings. There are usually a number of them.

Sounds to me as if you may be depressed. Try to find someone to talk

to about that.

Doug

>

> Lately I've been feeling disconnected from people. It feels like no

one cares and it is hard for me to live by myself, and it just seems

like all my contacts and friends are busy these days. I've been going to

12 step meetings which is helping me but I just feel like whenever I

talk to people, or try to reach out to people, there seems to be a lack

of initiative on their part to plan with me and reach back. I can cope

with this, but the part I can't cope with is blatant rudeness. Like,

when I was talking to someone today, they started looking in the other

direction towards what others were saying. When they left, they left

with a friend. The other 2 people that were left in the meeting were

also leaving, and one was going to ask if the other had plans or not.

The other said she was meeting with 2 other friends for dinner.

>

> It just seems frustrating when it feels like everyone else has plans

with friends except me.

>

> Sometimes I feel like such an outsider both physically and emotionally

from everyone.

>

> I guess what it may come down to is just holidays. I have no contact

with my family as well. The good news is that I have plans.

>

> I don't know how to tackle the other stuff yet. I just feel bitter

about people in general, and I want to just be by myself for awhile to

stew in my bitterness. Even though I know it is not solving anything.

>

> Thanks for reading this.

>

> Joy

>

[Guest guest]

Don t give up Joy. Find your namesake, it s out there.

Try different meetings. There are usually a number of them.

Sounds to me as if you may be depressed. Try to find someone to talk

to about that.

Doug

>

> Lately I've been feeling disconnected from people. It feels like no

one cares and it is hard for me to live by myself, and it just seems

like all my contacts and friends are busy these days. I've been going to

12 step meetings which is helping me but I just feel like whenever I

talk to people, or try to reach out to people, there seems to be a lack

of initiative on their part to plan with me and reach back. I can cope

with this, but the part I can't cope with is blatant rudeness. Like,

when I was talking to someone today, they started looking in the other

direction towards what others were saying. When they left, they left

with a friend. The other 2 people that were left in the meeting were

also leaving, and one was going to ask if the other had plans or not.

The other said she was meeting with 2 other friends for dinner.

>

> It just seems frustrating when it feels like everyone else has plans

with friends except me.

>

> Sometimes I feel like such an outsider both physically and emotionally

from everyone.

>

> I guess what it may come down to is just holidays. I have no contact

with my family as well. The good news is that I have plans.

>

> I don't know how to tackle the other stuff yet. I just feel bitter

about people in general, and I want to just be by myself for awhile to

stew in my bitterness. Even though I know it is not solving anything.

>

> Thanks for reading this.

>

> Joy

>

[Guest guest]

All of MY friends are likewise busy during the holidays. I had MY Christmas on

Dec. 11th with them here so for the rest of this 'joyful' season I will be all

alone. I know the feeling well!

I could have gone to my one friend's house for their party last Saturday, but

she lives over 2 hours away and I hurt my right leg in an accident and couldn't

possibly drive so in here I sat alone though it was sweet of her to ask given I

have never physically met her and she asked me there for Thanksgiving too but I

hate driving by myself to places I've never been and get terribly lost and

nervous so I avoid that anyhow.

My nada just makes me feel SOOOOOOOO much better (being sarcastic here) by

asking me yesterday what I'll be doing for Xmas (she's way in NJ and thank God

for that) and I said I'd be alone. She relishes my being alone and lonely. I

don't get that. (Misery loves company?) I don't know but she replied, " just

like me! So Christmas will stink for you as well. "

To make matters worse, my nada always tells me each year on New Year's Eve

" whatever you are doing on New Year's Eve, you will be doing the rest of that

year " . I don't know WHERE she gets that ditty from, but it turns out true in my

case and I've had going on 11 New Year's Eves alone too since I ended my

marriage.

Yes I would look for other groups and new people to spend the holidays with. I

don't attend 12 step meetings myself. I've never been drunk once in my life so

I wouldn't fit in, but anyway have a Happy Holiday despite being alone and make

new friends so 2011 will not be a repeat of 2010. I'm going to try to do that

myself.

Many Blessings.

[Guest guest]

All of MY friends are likewise busy during the holidays. I had MY Christmas on

Dec. 11th with them here so for the rest of this 'joyful' season I will be all

alone. I know the feeling well!

I could have gone to my one friend's house for their party last Saturday, but

she lives over 2 hours away and I hurt my right leg in an accident and couldn't

possibly drive so in here I sat alone though it was sweet of her to ask given I

have never physically met her and she asked me there for Thanksgiving too but I

hate driving by myself to places I've never been and get terribly lost and

nervous so I avoid that anyhow.

My nada just makes me feel SOOOOOOOO much better (being sarcastic here) by

asking me yesterday what I'll be doing for Xmas (she's way in NJ and thank God

for that) and I said I'd be alone. She relishes my being alone and lonely. I

don't get that. (Misery loves company?) I don't know but she replied, " just

like me! So Christmas will stink for you as well. "

To make matters worse, my nada always tells me each year on New Year's Eve

" whatever you are doing on New Year's Eve, you will be doing the rest of that

year " . I don't know WHERE she gets that ditty from, but it turns out true in my

case and I've had going on 11 New Year's Eves alone too since I ended my

marriage.

Yes I would look for other groups and new people to spend the holidays with. I

don't attend 12 step meetings myself. I've never been drunk once in my life so

I wouldn't fit in, but anyway have a Happy Holiday despite being alone and make

new friends so 2011 will not be a repeat of 2010. I'm going to try to do that

myself.

Many Blessings.

[Guest guest]

All of MY friends are likewise busy during the holidays. I had MY Christmas on

Dec. 11th with them here so for the rest of this 'joyful' season I will be all

alone. I know the feeling well!

I could have gone to my one friend's house for their party last Saturday, but

she lives over 2 hours away and I hurt my right leg in an accident and couldn't

possibly drive so in here I sat alone though it was sweet of her to ask given I

have never physically met her and she asked me there for Thanksgiving too but I

hate driving by myself to places I've never been and get terribly lost and

nervous so I avoid that anyhow.

My nada just makes me feel SOOOOOOOO much better (being sarcastic here) by

asking me yesterday what I'll be doing for Xmas (she's way in NJ and thank God

for that) and I said I'd be alone. She relishes my being alone and lonely. I

don't get that. (Misery loves company?) I don't know but she replied, " just

like me! So Christmas will stink for you as well. "

To make matters worse, my nada always tells me each year on New Year's Eve

" whatever you are doing on New Year's Eve, you will be doing the rest of that

year " . I don't know WHERE she gets that ditty from, but it turns out true in my

case and I've had going on 11 New Year's Eves alone too since I ended my

marriage.

Yes I would look for other groups and new people to spend the holidays with. I

don't attend 12 step meetings myself. I've never been drunk once in my life so

I wouldn't fit in, but anyway have a Happy Holiday despite being alone and make

new friends so 2011 will not be a repeat of 2010. I'm going to try to do that

myself.

Many Blessings.

[Guest guest]

Oh ladies, that's rough. I have 2 resources for you. My T just recently

organized a group therapy session for women. In some ways it didn't totally

work for me, because the women and I had very very little in common. But it

was kind of fun. toward the end we started bringing our pets. So I'd look

inti that. And there are also resources like meetupgroup.com to find people

to gather to do fun stuff. Another option (this is what I do) is to immerse

yourself in a hobby you adore. For instance, for about 6 years, my hang out

was the dog park near my house. I would spend about 2 hours every evening

there watching my dog play and talking to other dog mommys and daddys.

That's where I met my boyfriend of the past 5 years. I also have a big group

of friends who craft and we put on little shows every month. I also teach at

an after school program and have met a lot of friends there. So stuff like

that seems to work best for me. If you pursue your passions, you are more

likely to find people of like interests.

And a final tip - if you like pets, get one. Snake, fish, bird, cat, dog. .

.. Not only do they make for an immediate loving welcoming home and family,

but they also come with the benefit of helping you meet humans who like the

same critter. It works for me every time!

Merry Christmas!

>

>

> All of MY friends are likewise busy during the holidays. I had MY Christmas

> on Dec. 11th with them here so for the rest of this 'joyful' season I will

> be all alone. I know the feeling well!

>

> I could have gone to my one friend's house for their party last Saturday,

> but she lives over 2 hours away and I hurt my right leg in an accident and

> couldn't possibly drive so in here I sat alone though it was sweet of her to

> ask given I have never physically met her and she asked me there for

> Thanksgiving too but I hate driving by myself to places I've never been and

> get terribly lost and nervous so I avoid that anyhow.

>

> My nada just makes me feel SOOOOOOOO much better (being sarcastic here) by

> asking me yesterday what I'll be doing for Xmas (she's way in NJ and thank

> God for that) and I said I'd be alone. She relishes my being alone and

> lonely. I don't get that. (Misery loves company?) I don't know but she

> replied, " just like me! So Christmas will stink for you as well. "

>

> To make matters worse, my nada always tells me each year on New Year's Eve

> " whatever you are doing on New Year's Eve, you will be doing the rest of

> that year " . I don't know WHERE she gets that ditty from, but it turns out

> true in my case and I've had going on 11 New Year's Eves alone too since I

> ended my marriage.

>

> Yes I would look for other groups and new people to spend the holidays

> with. I don't attend 12 step meetings myself. I've never been drunk once in

> my life so I wouldn't fit in, but anyway have a Happy Holiday despite being

> alone and make new friends so 2011 will not be a repeat of 2010. I'm going

> to try to do that myself.

>

> Many Blessings.

>

>

[Guest guest]

<<<Joy>>> I know how you feel. And I think you're right, I think it is the

holidays. It triggers so much.

I think you're doing great by going to meetings and making plans for the

holidays. I find keeping busy, as simplistic as it sounds, really does help me.

Also, like you, I can feel very let down about people. And I'm surrounded by

people most of the time and feel lonely sometimes. Unheard. What I find helps

me at those times is I refuse to give up easily. I will keep trying person after

person until I get someone who'll meet me for coffee and hear me and that helps.

Again, I hope it doesn't sound simplistic.

Stay with us through this tough time. Sigh. We hear ya!!

I love your name. : )

>

> Lately I've been feeling disconnected from people. It feels like no one cares

and it is hard for me to live by myself, and it just seems like all my contacts

and friends are busy these days. I've been going to 12 step meetings which is

helping me but I just feel like whenever I talk to people, or try to reach out

to people, there seems to be a lack of initiative on their part to plan with me

and reach back. I can cope with this, but the part I can't cope with is blatant

rudeness. Like, when I was talking to someone today, they started looking in the

other direction towards what others were saying. When they left, they left with

a friend. The other 2 people that were left in the meeting were also leaving,

and one was going to ask if the other had plans or not. The other said she was

meeting with 2 other friends for dinner.

>

> It just seems frustrating when it feels like everyone else has plans with

friends except me.

>

> Sometimes I feel like such an outsider both physically and emotionally from

everyone.

>

> I guess what it may come down to is just holidays. I have no contact with my

family as well. The good news is that I have plans.

>

> I don't know how to tackle the other stuff yet. I just feel bitter about

people in general, and I want to just be by myself for awhile to stew in my

bitterness. Even though I know it is not solving anything.

>

> Thanks for reading this.

>

> Joy

>

[Guest guest]

<<<Joy>>> I know how you feel. And I think you're right, I think it is the

holidays. It triggers so much.

I think you're doing great by going to meetings and making plans for the

holidays. I find keeping busy, as simplistic as it sounds, really does help me.

Also, like you, I can feel very let down about people. And I'm surrounded by

people most of the time and feel lonely sometimes. Unheard. What I find helps

me at those times is I refuse to give up easily. I will keep trying person after

person until I get someone who'll meet me for coffee and hear me and that helps.

Again, I hope it doesn't sound simplistic.

Stay with us through this tough time. Sigh. We hear ya!!

I love your name. : )

>

> Lately I've been feeling disconnected from people. It feels like no one cares

and it is hard for me to live by myself, and it just seems like all my contacts

and friends are busy these days. I've been going to 12 step meetings which is

helping me but I just feel like whenever I talk to people, or try to reach out

to people, there seems to be a lack of initiative on their part to plan with me

and reach back. I can cope with this, but the part I can't cope with is blatant

rudeness. Like, when I was talking to someone today, they started looking in the

other direction towards what others were saying. When they left, they left with

a friend. The other 2 people that were left in the meeting were also leaving,

and one was going to ask if the other had plans or not. The other said she was

meeting with 2 other friends for dinner.

>

> It just seems frustrating when it feels like everyone else has plans with

friends except me.

>

> Sometimes I feel like such an outsider both physically and emotionally from

everyone.

>

> I guess what it may come down to is just holidays. I have no contact with my

family as well. The good news is that I have plans.

>

> I don't know how to tackle the other stuff yet. I just feel bitter about

people in general, and I want to just be by myself for awhile to stew in my

bitterness. Even though I know it is not solving anything.

>

> Thanks for reading this.

>

> Joy

>

[Guest guest]

<<<Joy>>> I know how you feel. And I think you're right, I think it is the

holidays. It triggers so much.

I think you're doing great by going to meetings and making plans for the

holidays. I find keeping busy, as simplistic as it sounds, really does help me.

Also, like you, I can feel very let down about people. And I'm surrounded by

people most of the time and feel lonely sometimes. Unheard. What I find helps

me at those times is I refuse to give up easily. I will keep trying person after

person until I get someone who'll meet me for coffee and hear me and that helps.

Again, I hope it doesn't sound simplistic.

Stay with us through this tough time. Sigh. We hear ya!!

I love your name. : )

>

> Lately I've been feeling disconnected from people. It feels like no one cares

and it is hard for me to live by myself, and it just seems like all my contacts

and friends are busy these days. I've been going to 12 step meetings which is

helping me but I just feel like whenever I talk to people, or try to reach out

to people, there seems to be a lack of initiative on their part to plan with me

and reach back. I can cope with this, but the part I can't cope with is blatant

rudeness. Like, when I was talking to someone today, they started looking in the

other direction towards what others were saying. When they left, they left with

a friend. The other 2 people that were left in the meeting were also leaving,

and one was going to ask if the other had plans or not. The other said she was

meeting with 2 other friends for dinner.

>

> It just seems frustrating when it feels like everyone else has plans with

friends except me.

>

> Sometimes I feel like such an outsider both physically and emotionally from

everyone.

>

> I guess what it may come down to is just holidays. I have no contact with my

family as well. The good news is that I have plans.

>

> I don't know how to tackle the other stuff yet. I just feel bitter about

people in general, and I want to just be by myself for awhile to stew in my

bitterness. Even though I know it is not solving anything.

>

> Thanks for reading this.

>

> Joy

>

[Guest guest]

There are in-person meet-up groups in some areas for an organization called

" CODA " , or co-dependents anonymous, for those who want to overcome being

unhealthily enmeshed with another, and there is a group called " NAMI " for the

support of those who have a mentally ill family member, and they have some

in-person meet-up groups, but not a huge number. But you might be lucky and

there is one that's near you.

If you are a religious person, or I suppose if you aren't anti-religious, there

are usually some kind of group get-togethers for various purposes at local

churches, such as getting together to decorate and fill Easter baskets for needy

children. I'm not particularly religious myself (I am not a member of a church)

but I love church music, and love to sing. I like to participate in group

sing-alongs and going caroling.

Hobby groups and interest groups are a great way to make friends.

I found a couple of different interest groups in my area and have friends I've

made in those groups.

You might try " meetup.com " to see what kinds of groups are meeting in your town;

the Internet is truly something like a miracle for making it possible for those

in town who, for example, like to play ukulele to find each other and get

together to strum and sing along and have some fun.

I hope you find something that works for you, and I hope your leg feels better

soon.

-Annie

>

> All of MY friends are likewise busy during the holidays. I had MY Christmas

on Dec. 11th with them here so for the rest of this 'joyful' season I will be

all alone. I know the feeling well!

>

> I could have gone to my one friend's house for their party last Saturday, but

she lives over 2 hours away and I hurt my right leg in an accident and couldn't

possibly drive so in here I sat alone though it was sweet of her to ask given I

have never physically met her and she asked me there for Thanksgiving too but I

hate driving by myself to places I've never been and get terribly lost and

nervous so I avoid that anyhow.

>

> My nada just makes me feel SOOOOOOOO much better (being sarcastic here) by

asking me yesterday what I'll be doing for Xmas (she's way in NJ and thank God

for that) and I said I'd be alone. She relishes my being alone and lonely. I

don't get that. (Misery loves company?) I don't know but she replied, " just

like me! So Christmas will stink for you as well. "

>

> To make matters worse, my nada always tells me each year on New Year's Eve

" whatever you are doing on New Year's Eve, you will be doing the rest of that

year " . I don't know WHERE she gets that ditty from, but it turns out true in my

case and I've had going on 11 New Year's Eves alone too since I ended my

marriage.

>

> Yes I would look for other groups and new people to spend the holidays with.

I don't attend 12 step meetings myself. I've never been drunk once in my life

so I wouldn't fit in, but anyway have a Happy Holiday despite being alone and

make new friends so 2011 will not be a repeat of 2010. I'm going to try to do

that myself.

>

> Many Blessings.

>

>

[Guest guest]

There are in-person meet-up groups in some areas for an organization called

" CODA " , or co-dependents anonymous, for those who want to overcome being

unhealthily enmeshed with another, and there is a group called " NAMI " for the

support of those who have a mentally ill family member, and they have some

in-person meet-up groups, but not a huge number. But you might be lucky and

there is one that's near you.

If you are a religious person, or I suppose if you aren't anti-religious, there

are usually some kind of group get-togethers for various purposes at local

churches, such as getting together to decorate and fill Easter baskets for needy

children. I'm not particularly religious myself (I am not a member of a church)

but I love church music, and love to sing. I like to participate in group

sing-alongs and going caroling.

Hobby groups and interest groups are a great way to make friends.

I found a couple of different interest groups in my area and have friends I've

made in those groups.

You might try " meetup.com " to see what kinds of groups are meeting in your town;

the Internet is truly something like a miracle for making it possible for those

in town who, for example, like to play ukulele to find each other and get

together to strum and sing along and have some fun.

I hope you find something that works for you, and I hope your leg feels better

soon.

-Annie

>

> All of MY friends are likewise busy during the holidays. I had MY Christmas

on Dec. 11th with them here so for the rest of this 'joyful' season I will be

all alone. I know the feeling well!

>

> I could have gone to my one friend's house for their party last Saturday, but

she lives over 2 hours away and I hurt my right leg in an accident and couldn't

possibly drive so in here I sat alone though it was sweet of her to ask given I

have never physically met her and she asked me there for Thanksgiving too but I

hate driving by myself to places I've never been and get terribly lost and

nervous so I avoid that anyhow.

>

> My nada just makes me feel SOOOOOOOO much better (being sarcastic here) by

asking me yesterday what I'll be doing for Xmas (she's way in NJ and thank God

for that) and I said I'd be alone. She relishes my being alone and lonely. I

don't get that. (Misery loves company?) I don't know but she replied, " just

like me! So Christmas will stink for you as well. "

>

> To make matters worse, my nada always tells me each year on New Year's Eve

" whatever you are doing on New Year's Eve, you will be doing the rest of that

year " . I don't know WHERE she gets that ditty from, but it turns out true in my

case and I've had going on 11 New Year's Eves alone too since I ended my

marriage.

>

> Yes I would look for other groups and new people to spend the holidays with.

I don't attend 12 step meetings myself. I've never been drunk once in my life

so I wouldn't fit in, but anyway have a Happy Holiday despite being alone and

make new friends so 2011 will not be a repeat of 2010. I'm going to try to do

that myself.

>

> Many Blessings.

>

>

[Guest guest]

There are in-person meet-up groups in some areas for an organization called

" CODA " , or co-dependents anonymous, for those who want to overcome being

unhealthily enmeshed with another, and there is a group called " NAMI " for the

support of those who have a mentally ill family member, and they have some

in-person meet-up groups, but not a huge number. But you might be lucky and

there is one that's near you.

If you are a religious person, or I suppose if you aren't anti-religious, there

are usually some kind of group get-togethers for various purposes at local

churches, such as getting together to decorate and fill Easter baskets for needy

children. I'm not particularly religious myself (I am not a member of a church)

but I love church music, and love to sing. I like to participate in group

sing-alongs and going caroling.

Hobby groups and interest groups are a great way to make friends.

I found a couple of different interest groups in my area and have friends I've

made in those groups.

You might try " meetup.com " to see what kinds of groups are meeting in your town;

the Internet is truly something like a miracle for making it possible for those

in town who, for example, like to play ukulele to find each other and get

together to strum and sing along and have some fun.

I hope you find something that works for you, and I hope your leg feels better

soon.

-Annie

>

> All of MY friends are likewise busy during the holidays. I had MY Christmas

on Dec. 11th with them here so for the rest of this 'joyful' season I will be

all alone. I know the feeling well!

>

> I could have gone to my one friend's house for their party last Saturday, but

she lives over 2 hours away and I hurt my right leg in an accident and couldn't

possibly drive so in here I sat alone though it was sweet of her to ask given I

have never physically met her and she asked me there for Thanksgiving too but I

hate driving by myself to places I've never been and get terribly lost and

nervous so I avoid that anyhow.

>

> My nada just makes me feel SOOOOOOOO much better (being sarcastic here) by

asking me yesterday what I'll be doing for Xmas (she's way in NJ and thank God

for that) and I said I'd be alone. She relishes my being alone and lonely. I

don't get that. (Misery loves company?) I don't know but she replied, " just

like me! So Christmas will stink for you as well. "

>

> To make matters worse, my nada always tells me each year on New Year's Eve

" whatever you are doing on New Year's Eve, you will be doing the rest of that

year " . I don't know WHERE she gets that ditty from, but it turns out true in my

case and I've had going on 11 New Year's Eves alone too since I ended my

marriage.

>

> Yes I would look for other groups and new people to spend the holidays with.

I don't attend 12 step meetings myself. I've never been drunk once in my life

so I wouldn't fit in, but anyway have a Happy Holiday despite being alone and

make new friends so 2011 will not be a repeat of 2010. I'm going to try to do

that myself.

>

> Many Blessings.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Fiona,

Thanks for your reply. It was nice to read and I think you are right. Keeping

busy does help. And even though it is sometimes exhausting trying to find that

one person to connect with, it is important not to give up. I'm going to the

library to return some books, then I'm hitting the gym. I feel a littler better

today.

have a good one!

Joy

> >

> > Lately I've been feeling disconnected from people. It feels like no one

cares and it is hard for me to live by myself, and it just seems like all my

contacts and friends are busy these days. I've been going to 12 step meetings

which is helping me but I just feel like whenever I talk to people, or try to

reach out to people, there seems to be a lack of initiative on their part to

plan with me and reach back. I can cope with this, but the part I can't cope

with is blatant rudeness. Like, when I was talking to someone today, they

started looking in the other direction towards what others were saying. When

they left, they left with a friend. The other 2 people that were left in the

meeting were also leaving, and one was going to ask if the other had plans or

not. The other said she was meeting with 2 other friends for dinner.

> >

> > It just seems frustrating when it feels like everyone else has plans with

friends except me.

> >

> > Sometimes I feel like such an outsider both physically and emotionally from

everyone.

> >

> > I guess what it may come down to is just holidays. I have no contact with my

family as well. The good news is that I have plans.

> >

> > I don't know how to tackle the other stuff yet. I just feel bitter about

people in general, and I want to just be by myself for awhile to stew in my

bitterness. Even though I know it is not solving anything.

> >

> > Thanks for reading this.

> >

> > Joy

> >

>

[Guest guest]

thanks, Doug. I think I need to.

joy

> >

> > Lately I've been feeling disconnected from people. It feels like no

> one cares and it is hard for me to live by myself, and it just seems

> like all my contacts and friends are busy these days. I've been going to

> 12 step meetings which is helping me but I just feel like whenever I

> talk to people, or try to reach out to people, there seems to be a lack

> of initiative on their part to plan with me and reach back. I can cope

> with this, but the part I can't cope with is blatant rudeness. Like,

> when I was talking to someone today, they started looking in the other

> direction towards what others were saying. When they left, they left

> with a friend. The other 2 people that were left in the meeting were

> also leaving, and one was going to ask if the other had plans or not.

> The other said she was meeting with 2 other friends for dinner.

> >

> > It just seems frustrating when it feels like everyone else has plans

> with friends except me.

> >

> > Sometimes I feel like such an outsider both physically and emotionally

> from everyone.

> >

> > I guess what it may come down to is just holidays. I have no contact

> with my family as well. The good news is that I have plans.

> >

> > I don't know how to tackle the other stuff yet. I just feel bitter

> about people in general, and I want to just be by myself for awhile to

> stew in my bitterness. Even though I know it is not solving anything.

> >

> > Thanks for reading this.

> >

> > Joy

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Marilyn,

Actually the 12 step group I am a part of is not AA. There are many types of 12

step groups out there that are based on the spiritual steps of the AA meetings,

but have nothing to do with addictions. THe one I attend is Adult Children of

Alcoholics & Dysfunctional families also referred to as ACA. They are good

meetings for me to attend when I feel out of sorts or lonely.

I am glad that you were able to have your Christmas early with your friends.

That's always a smart way to plan since so many are out of town, esp. where I

live...

and your Nada! My Nada always liked the idea of me being alone, too. I think she

felt I was more dependent on her when that happened. And growing up, it was

true. I did have to rely on her more if I wasn't visiting friends here and there

and was only in solitude with her. It was when I had the most friends that i was

able to break free from her " spell " and come to know what bpd was and not feel

like something was always wrong with me as a person and my perceptions.

Joy

>

> All of MY friends are likewise busy during the holidays. I had MY Christmas

on Dec. 11th with them here so for the rest of this 'joyful' season I will be

all alone. I know the feeling well!

>

> I could have gone to my one friend's house for their party last Saturday, but

she lives over 2 hours away and I hurt my right leg in an accident and couldn't

possibly drive so in here I sat alone though it was sweet of her to ask given I

have never physically met her and she asked me there for Thanksgiving too but I

hate driving by myself to places I've never been and get terribly lost and

nervous so I avoid that anyhow.

>

> My nada just makes me feel SOOOOOOOO much better (being sarcastic here) by

asking me yesterday what I'll be doing for Xmas (she's way in NJ and thank God

for that) and I said I'd be alone. She relishes my being alone and lonely. I

don't get that. (Misery loves company?) I don't know but she replied, " just

like me! So Christmas will stink for you as well. "

>

> To make matters worse, my nada always tells me each year on New Year's Eve

" whatever you are doing on New Year's Eve, you will be doing the rest of that

year " . I don't know WHERE she gets that ditty from, but it turns out true in my

case and I've had going on 11 New Year's Eves alone too since I ended my

marriage.

>

> Yes I would look for other groups and new people to spend the holidays with.

I don't attend 12 step meetings myself. I've never been drunk once in my life

so I wouldn't fit in, but anyway have a Happy Holiday despite being alone and

make new friends so 2011 will not be a repeat of 2010. I'm going to try to do

that myself.

>

> Many Blessings.

>

>

[Guest guest]

yes the holidays can be very hard, lonely times for many people.. myself, i will

probably be spending new year's alone but nonetheless glad to have myself for my

own company and not have to endure the 'good times' with people i really dont

want to be with anyways.. being alone does not have to mean lonely if we can

make good use of our time with ourselves, not always easy to do.. but often when

we count our blessings, as marilyn here counts it a blessing she can escape her

nada's company at the holidays, i know i do mine.. and when we can extend

ourselves to the less fortunate that can also be a blessing.. i am crocheting

projects for the homeless and donating food at this time of year.  i may also

volunteer for a soup kitchen or homeless shelter during the holidays and in

giving of myself to others' good feelings i may catch some of that spirit

myself.  just ideas to toy with but ones i have found helpful in the past.

merry christmas to everyone who celebrates it and a blessed and happier new year

to all.ann

Subject: Re: Feeling disappointed in people

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Tuesday, December 21, 2010, 6:14 AM

 

All of MY friends are likewise busy during the holidays. I had MY

Christmas on Dec. 11th with them here so for the rest of this 'joyful' season I

will be all alone. I know the feeling well!

I could have gone to my one friend's house for their party last Saturday, but

she lives over 2 hours away and I hurt my right leg in an accident and couldn't

possibly drive so in here I sat alone though it was sweet of her to ask given I

have never physically met her and she asked me there for Thanksgiving too but I

hate driving by myself to places I've never been and get terribly lost and

nervous so I avoid that anyhow.

My nada just makes me feel SOOOOOOOO much better (being sarcastic here) by

asking me yesterday what I'll be doing for Xmas (she's way in NJ and thank God

for that) and I said I'd be alone. She relishes my being alone and lonely. I

don't get that. (Misery loves company?) I don't know but she replied, " just

like me! So Christmas will stink for you as well. "

To make matters worse, my nada always tells me each year on New Year's Eve

" whatever you are doing on New Year's Eve, you will be doing the rest of that

year " . I don't know WHERE she gets that ditty from, but it turns out true in my

case and I've had going on 11 New Year's Eves alone too since I ended my

marriage.

Yes I would look for other groups and new people to spend the holidays with. I

don't attend 12 step meetings myself. I've never been drunk once in my life so

I wouldn't fit in, but anyway have a Happy Holiday despite being alone and make

new friends so 2011 will not be a repeat of 2010. I'm going to try to do that

myself.

Many Blessings.