Re: Painful anniversary for me

[Guest guest]

That is so very poignant and so very sad. You're not alone today -- I will be

thinking of you and the meaning of these anniversaries. Even if we don't

remember the exact days when terrible things happened, the days our souls were

stolen or crushed (although many of us do), one of the worst parts of it all is

that no one out there seems to get it. They would look at us with puzzlement if

we tried to explain. It's a painful anniversary, and you are grieving something

so profound, the virtual loss of a parent while she is still alive -- and yes,

most people would totally not get it. Recently I reconnected with a former

college roommate, who basically blasted me for saying " bad things " about my

parents. She has been grieving the deaths of her beloved folks, so that's where

she's coming from.

Hang in there and do some special things for yourself today to ease your grief.

After suffering that massive loss thirty years ago, you soldiered on, and are

today a compassionaten articulate, and admirable adult.

[Guest guest]

justicecamp,

thank you.

it's so painful...i am just trying to get thru today and then i'll be ok.

i lost my boyfriend, my sport, my profession, my parents, my extended family and

my spirit.

luckily, after years of being the walking dead...i managed somehow to marry a

great man and have 5 kids.

i have friends and i am a very busy and compassionate mom.

but there's a piece of me that will always be dead. i wish i didn't feel this

way. i hope one day to get that passion back in my spirit that once came so

naturally.

i appreciate the support of this group so much.

amy

Re: Painful anniversary for me

That is so very poignant and so very sad. You're not alone today -- I will be

thinking of you and the meaning of these anniversaries. Even if we don't

remember the exact days when terrible things happened, the days our souls were

stolen or crushed (although many of us do), one of the worst parts of it all is

that no one out there seems to get it. They would look at us with puzzlement if

we tried to explain. It's a painful anniversary, and you are grieving something

so profound, the virtual loss of a parent while she is still alive -- and yes,

most people would totally not get it. Recently I reconnected with a former

college roommate, who basically blasted me for saying " bad things " about my

parents. She has been grieving the deaths of her beloved folks, so that's where

she's coming from.

Hang in there and do some special things for yourself today to ease your grief.

After suffering that massive loss thirty years ago, you soldiered on, and are

today a compassionaten articulate, and admirable adult.

[Guest guest]

<<<<Amy>>>> So, so sorry for your grief and pain today.

We're here for you. Such a sad anniversary for you.

>

> It may sound crazy, but I know the exact day that my mom stopped being my mom,

the unconditional love and warmness stopped, and i lost her to her unhealthy and

unrealistic expectations of me.

>

> It was 30 years ago today.

>

> And the only reason why I know this at all, is because it started the night

Lennon was killed. Otherwise, I wouldn't have remembered it with such

clarity.

>

> I won't go into it, because it's just too long...and I've been dealing with

this shit for 30 years now. Geez, 30 years.

>

> I grieve the loss of my mom as I knew her, and for all the painful losses she

made me have. My life would have been different had she not waged a war against

me.

>

> Yesterday, people remembered Pearl Harbor. They were allowed to grieve. My

grief is private and unexplainable. I lost many things over the years because of

her. And I didn't know how to stop it. So when Doug said...when will you give me

a mother...it hit home hard.

>

> I'm having such a hard time today.

>

> Amy

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you Fiona.

I feel like I have no roots to draw strength from today.

I'm usually a very strong person.

I know how to deal with my mom after all these years...I just don't have any

practice dealing with myself.

Amy

Re: Painful anniversary for me

<<<<Amy>>>> So, so sorry for your grief and pain today.

We're here for you. Such a sad anniversary for you.

>

> It may sound crazy, but I know the exact day that my mom stopped being my mom,

the unconditional love and warmness stopped, and i lost her to her unhealthy and

unrealistic expectations of me.

>

> It was 30 years ago today.

>

> And the only reason why I know this at all, is because it started the night

Lennon was killed. Otherwise, I wouldn't have remembered it with such

clarity.

>

> I won't go into it, because it's just too long...and I've been dealing with

this shit for 30 years now. Geez, 30 years.

>

> I grieve the loss of my mom as I knew her, and for all the painful losses she

made me have. My life would have been different had she not waged a war against

me.

>

> Yesterday, people remembered Pearl Harbor. They were allowed to grieve. My

grief is private and unexplainable. I lost many things over the years because of

her. And I didn't know how to stop it. So when Doug said...when will you give me

a mother...it hit home hard.

>

> I'm having such a hard time today.

>

> Amy

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you Fiona.

I feel like I have no roots to draw strength from today.

I'm usually a very strong person.

I know how to deal with my mom after all these years...I just don't have any

practice dealing with myself.

Amy

Re: Painful anniversary for me

<<<<Amy>>>> So, so sorry for your grief and pain today.

We're here for you. Such a sad anniversary for you.

>

> It may sound crazy, but I know the exact day that my mom stopped being my mom,

the unconditional love and warmness stopped, and i lost her to her unhealthy and

unrealistic expectations of me.

>

> It was 30 years ago today.

>

> And the only reason why I know this at all, is because it started the night

Lennon was killed. Otherwise, I wouldn't have remembered it with such

clarity.

>

> I won't go into it, because it's just too long...and I've been dealing with

this shit for 30 years now. Geez, 30 years.

>

> I grieve the loss of my mom as I knew her, and for all the painful losses she

made me have. My life would have been different had she not waged a war against

me.

>

> Yesterday, people remembered Pearl Harbor. They were allowed to grieve. My

grief is private and unexplainable. I lost many things over the years because of

her. And I didn't know how to stop it. So when Doug said...when will you give me

a mother...it hit home hard.

>

> I'm having such a hard time today.

>

> Amy

>

[Guest guest]

Amy,

You are allowed to grieve. I hope doing so will be constructive for you in some

way. Hold on to the thought that there are some people who understand. You write

" I'm usually a very strong person. " Being strong doesn't mean never having a

weak moment. It means you have the moment, as long as the " moment " needs to be,

and you don't let it stop you from healing at your own pace. You *are* a strong

person.

Jgar

> >

> > It may sound crazy, but I know the exact day that my mom stopped being my

mom, the unconditional love and warmness stopped, and i lost her to her

unhealthy and unrealistic expectations of me.

> >

> > It was 30 years ago today.

> >

> > And the only reason why I know this at all, is because it started the night

Lennon was killed. Otherwise, I wouldn't have remembered it with such

clarity.

> >

> > I won't go into it, because it's just too long...and I've been dealing with

this shit for 30 years now. Geez, 30 years.

> >

> > I grieve the loss of my mom as I knew her, and for all the painful losses

she made me have. My life would have been different had she not waged a war

against me.

> >

> > Yesterday, people remembered Pearl Harbor. They were allowed to grieve. My

grief is private and unexplainable. I lost many things over the years because of

her. And I didn't know how to stop it. So when Doug said...when will you give me

a mother...it hit home hard.

> >

> > I'm having such a hard time today.

> >

> > Amy

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you Jgar.

That means a lot to me.

I have never been " allowed " to grieve...I was always yelled at for all of this

that was not my own doing.

I was always told to get over it already.

How do you get over losing your entire future?

I'm a lucky girl that i was able to live again after that time.

Today is very hard.

Amy

I am also very lucky that the guy i was supposed to marry still wants to be my

friend after all she put him thru...so today, after 30 years (we dated for 7

years of torture) we will talk later and maybe cry a little. I have a very

understanding husband and he knows how i feel and what it all means to me.

It's all about loss. My loss.

My mom doesn't even know that she lost me so many years ago.

Amy

Re: Painful anniversary for me

Amy,

You are allowed to grieve. I hope doing so will be constructive for you in some

way. Hold on to the thought that there are some people who understand. You write

" I'm usually a very strong person. " Being strong doesn't mean never having a

weak moment. It means you have the moment, as long as the " moment " needs to be,

and you don't let it stop you from healing at your own pace. You *are* a strong

person.

Jgar

> >

> > It may sound crazy, but I know the exact day that my mom stopped being my

mom, the unconditional love and warmness stopped, and i lost her to her

unhealthy and unrealistic expectations of me.

> >

> > It was 30 years ago today.

> >

> > And the only reason why I know this at all, is because it started the night

Lennon was killed. Otherwise, I wouldn't have remembered it with such

clarity.

> >

> > I won't go into it, because it's just too long...and I've been dealing with

this shit for 30 years now. Geez, 30 years.

> >

> > I grieve the loss of my mom as I knew her, and for all the painful losses

she made me have. My life would have been different had she not waged a war

against me.

> >

> > Yesterday, people remembered Pearl Harbor. They were allowed to grieve. My

grief is private and unexplainable. I lost many things over the years because of

her. And I didn't know how to stop it. So when Doug said...when will you give me

a mother...it hit home hard.

> >

> > I'm having such a hard time today.

> >

> > Amy

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you Jgar.

That means a lot to me.

I have never been " allowed " to grieve...I was always yelled at for all of this

that was not my own doing.

I was always told to get over it already.

How do you get over losing your entire future?

I'm a lucky girl that i was able to live again after that time.

Today is very hard.

Amy

I am also very lucky that the guy i was supposed to marry still wants to be my

friend after all she put him thru...so today, after 30 years (we dated for 7

years of torture) we will talk later and maybe cry a little. I have a very

understanding husband and he knows how i feel and what it all means to me.

It's all about loss. My loss.

My mom doesn't even know that she lost me so many years ago.

Amy

Re: Painful anniversary for me

Amy,

You are allowed to grieve. I hope doing so will be constructive for you in some

way. Hold on to the thought that there are some people who understand. You write

" I'm usually a very strong person. " Being strong doesn't mean never having a

weak moment. It means you have the moment, as long as the " moment " needs to be,

and you don't let it stop you from healing at your own pace. You *are* a strong

person.

Jgar

> >

> > It may sound crazy, but I know the exact day that my mom stopped being my

mom, the unconditional love and warmness stopped, and i lost her to her

unhealthy and unrealistic expectations of me.

> >

> > It was 30 years ago today.

> >

> > And the only reason why I know this at all, is because it started the night

Lennon was killed. Otherwise, I wouldn't have remembered it with such

clarity.

> >

> > I won't go into it, because it's just too long...and I've been dealing with

this shit for 30 years now. Geez, 30 years.

> >

> > I grieve the loss of my mom as I knew her, and for all the painful losses

she made me have. My life would have been different had she not waged a war

against me.

> >

> > Yesterday, people remembered Pearl Harbor. They were allowed to grieve. My

grief is private and unexplainable. I lost many things over the years because of

her. And I didn't know how to stop it. So when Doug said...when will you give me

a mother...it hit home hard.

> >

> > I'm having such a hard time today.

> >

> > Amy

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>