Guest guest Posted December 28, 2010 Report Share Posted December 28, 2010 Was NC with Nada for 6 months, but I knew I couldn't be NC for the holidays. She loves them too much. Gave her an inch, and now she's taking a mile. Calling constantly and asking me to give her rides here there and everywhere. She called me today because there's supposedly " blood in her stool " and she might need to go to a doctor. She lives 30 minutes away from me and refused to move here when I asked her to because, of course, we can't do anything that might be easier for *me*. Sigh. I'm sure the blood in her stool is nothing but a hemmorhoid and she's just lonely and bored and feels like f*cking with me. I so love hearing about her bowels. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 28, 2010 Report Share Posted December 28, 2010 Have you noticed that? If I had a bowel or butt problem I would be delicate and say , I have to go see a Dr. I don t want to share that sort of information. Nada s seem to delight in it! Bowels, gyno problems, sex lives, all sorts of things most people don t discuss at all, or perhaps only with a very trusted confidante. But they seem to delight in vomiting it onto us. I hated it. There was no predicting it either. Any conversation at any time, until I finally set boundaries, could go that direction. So....ok, you found some blood in the toilet and should go to the Dr. Yep. I agree. What s the problem. Go. Call a cab. Find a friend closer than me who you can take advantage of. You re 30 miles away. There are also agencies in many areas who run busses for seniors to Dr appts or such. It doesnt have to be you. Once, my nada went to her Dr, and proceeded to have a " nervous breakdown " . The called me from work, I had to come take her to the shrink for evaluation and possible admission to a psych hospital. When I arrived she was weeping non stop. The instant, I mean the very split second, we were outside the door where the staff could no longer see or hear, the tears stopped and she was fine. Insisted on driving her car home and having me follow her and take her to the Dr. No FOG that day, now was there! Doug > > Was NC with Nada for 6 months, but I knew I couldn't be NC for the holidays. She loves them too much. Gave her an inch, and now she's taking a mile. Calling constantly and asking me to give her rides here there and everywhere. > > She called me today because there's supposedly " blood in her stool " and she might need to go to a doctor. She lives 30 minutes away from me and refused to move here when I asked her to because, of course, we can't do anything that might be easier for *me*. > > Sigh. I'm sure the blood in her stool is nothing but a hemmorhoid and she's just lonely and bored and feels like f*cking with me. > > I so love hearing about her bowels. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 28, 2010 Report Share Posted December 28, 2010 my mom didn't tell me she had cancer a month before my wedding. but she did cry every chance she got in front of me without telling me what was wrong. i found out the day before my wedding from the woman doing my nails. she said it terrible about my mom. i asked her what was terrible. she said about her cancer. it was very odd receiving this delicate info from a stranger. i confronted my mom and dad and they lied to my face. she didn't want to ruin my wedding with her news. well, guess what, she made so angry by not telling me, that i was very hurt during my wedding. she then told me about her radical surgery on the phone a few days later while i was on our honeymoon, far away. i felt very betrayed that she couldn't be honest with me. amy Back in the web again Was NC with Nada for 6 months, but I knew I couldn't be NC for the holidays. She loves them too much. Gave her an inch, and now she's taking a mile. Calling constantly and asking me to give her rides here there and everywhere. She called me today because there's supposedly " blood in her stool " and she might need to go to a doctor. She lives 30 minutes away from me and refused to move here when I asked her to because, of course, we can't do anything that might be easier for *me*. Sigh. I'm sure the blood in her stool is nothing but a hemmorhoid and she's just lonely and bored and feels like f*cking with me. I so love hearing about her bowels. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 28, 2010 Report Share Posted December 28, 2010 Yes Doug, agreed. I guess some people have never heard of too much information. . . I still remember my mother showing me where she kept " my dad's " condoms when I was about 11 years old. As if it was a new discovery for her. No really, I think it kind of was. . . she didn't understand birth control until I was a decade old. Yes, she was that stupid. Errr is, do you every find yourself talking about someone who is alive like they are dead? On another topic, why does my boss have to tell me about it every time she gets a case of the runs????? I'm like whoa there, too much info. Save that for your doctor and maybe your dry cleaner. My boyfriend about topples over laughing when I show him how she runs around holding her bum. Even my therapist couldn't hold in the chuckles when I told her about it. What, do I have a sign on my head that says " tell me if you have diarhea? " And its reached the point that I almost stop her at restaurants when she is ordering to remind her that she gets the shits every time she eats fried food. But I refuse to go that far. We are not one of those 90 year old couples on the pharmacutical commercials. If a 60 year old woman can't choose her own lunch menu without giving hersef the squirts, then I'm afraid I'm not going to be the one to help her get to the bathroom in time. Boundaries! See why I am working on boundaries?? > > > Have you noticed that? If I had a bowel or butt problem I would be > delicate and say , I have to go see a Dr. I don t want to share that > sort of information. > > Nada s seem to delight in it! Bowels, gyno problems, sex lives, all > sorts of things most people don t discuss at all, or perhaps only with a > very trusted confidante. But they seem to delight in vomiting it onto > us. > > I hated it. There was no predicting it either. Any conversation at > any time, until I finally set boundaries, could go that direction. > > So....ok, you found some blood in the toilet and should go to the Dr. > Yep. I agree. What s the problem. Go. Call a cab. Find a friend > closer than me who you can take advantage of. You re 30 miles away. > > There are also agencies in many areas who run busses for seniors to Dr > appts or such. It doesnt have to be you. > > Once, my nada went to her Dr, and proceeded to have a " nervous > breakdown " . The called me from work, I had to come take her to the > shrink for evaluation and possible admission to a psych hospital. > > When I arrived she was weeping non stop. The instant, I mean the very > split second, we were outside the door where the staff could no longer > see or hear, the tears stopped and she was fine. Insisted on driving her > car home and having me follow her and take her to the Dr. > > No FOG that day, now was there! > > Doug > > > > > > Was NC with Nada for 6 months, but I knew I couldn't be NC for the > holidays. She loves them too much. Gave her an inch, and now she's > taking a mile. Calling constantly and asking me to give her rides here > there and everywhere. > > > > She called me today because there's supposedly " blood in her stool " > and she might need to go to a doctor. She lives 30 minutes away from me > and refused to move here when I asked her to because, of course, we > can't do anything that might be easier for *me*. > > > > Sigh. I'm sure the blood in her stool is nothing but a hemmorhoid and > she's just lonely and bored and feels like f*cking with me. > > > > I so love hearing about her bowels. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 28, 2010 Report Share Posted December 28, 2010 You're so right Doug. I fully realize how insane it is for me to drive so far to drive her just a mile or two from her house. It's totally nuts! Her mother just died and for the first time in her life, Nada's supposed to come into a little money and she plans to buy a car, so I'm crossing my fingers that it works out. Of course, every car my mother has ever owned has been wrought with problems. She's so old now that I'm sure she'll crash this one in a couple of weeks after she gets it or it will be the worst car ever made or some other tragedy. I've decided that I'll wait on her for a little while. If she pushes me too far, I'm more than capable of going NC again. p.s. Oh yeah. I've heard about her bowels all my life. And her vagina. And her sex life. And how she's convinced she's going to die of bowel or breast cancer. Sigh. > > > > Was NC with Nada for 6 months, but I knew I couldn't be NC for the > holidays. She loves them too much. Gave her an inch, and now she's > taking a mile. Calling constantly and asking me to give her rides here > there and everywhere. > > > > She called me today because there's supposedly " blood in her stool " > and she might need to go to a doctor. She lives 30 minutes away from me > and refused to move here when I asked her to because, of course, we > can't do anything that might be easier for *me*. > > > > Sigh. I'm sure the blood in her stool is nothing but a hemmorhoid and > she's just lonely and bored and feels like f*cking with me. > > > > I so love hearing about her bowels. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 28, 2010 Report Share Posted December 28, 2010 You're so right Doug. I fully realize how insane it is for me to drive so far to drive her just a mile or two from her house. It's totally nuts! Her mother just died and for the first time in her life, Nada's supposed to come into a little money and she plans to buy a car, so I'm crossing my fingers that it works out. Of course, every car my mother has ever owned has been wrought with problems. She's so old now that I'm sure she'll crash this one in a couple of weeks after she gets it or it will be the worst car ever made or some other tragedy. I've decided that I'll wait on her for a little while. If she pushes me too far, I'm more than capable of going NC again. p.s. Oh yeah. I've heard about her bowels all my life. And her vagina. And her sex life. And how she's convinced she's going to die of bowel or breast cancer. Sigh. > > > > Was NC with Nada for 6 months, but I knew I couldn't be NC for the > holidays. She loves them too much. Gave her an inch, and now she's > taking a mile. Calling constantly and asking me to give her rides here > there and everywhere. > > > > She called me today because there's supposedly " blood in her stool " > and she might need to go to a doctor. She lives 30 minutes away from me > and refused to move here when I asked her to because, of course, we > can't do anything that might be easier for *me*. > > > > Sigh. I'm sure the blood in her stool is nothing but a hemmorhoid and > she's just lonely and bored and feels like f*cking with me. > > > > I so love hearing about her bowels. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 28, 2010 Report Share Posted December 28, 2010 You're so right Doug. I fully realize how insane it is for me to drive so far to drive her just a mile or two from her house. It's totally nuts! Her mother just died and for the first time in her life, Nada's supposed to come into a little money and she plans to buy a car, so I'm crossing my fingers that it works out. Of course, every car my mother has ever owned has been wrought with problems. She's so old now that I'm sure she'll crash this one in a couple of weeks after she gets it or it will be the worst car ever made or some other tragedy. I've decided that I'll wait on her for a little while. If she pushes me too far, I'm more than capable of going NC again. p.s. Oh yeah. I've heard about her bowels all my life. And her vagina. And her sex life. And how she's convinced she's going to die of bowel or breast cancer. Sigh. > > > > Was NC with Nada for 6 months, but I knew I couldn't be NC for the > holidays. She loves them too much. Gave her an inch, and now she's > taking a mile. Calling constantly and asking me to give her rides here > there and everywhere. > > > > She called me today because there's supposedly " blood in her stool " > and she might need to go to a doctor. She lives 30 minutes away from me > and refused to move here when I asked her to because, of course, we > can't do anything that might be easier for *me*. > > > > Sigh. I'm sure the blood in her stool is nothing but a hemmorhoid and > she's just lonely and bored and feels like f*cking with me. > > > > I so love hearing about her bowels. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 28, 2010 Report Share Posted December 28, 2010 Yep, it's all about them. I'm home sick today, hubby went over to run errands for her. She wanted to know where I was (home sick) and then went on for a very long time about her past 3 days have been sheer hell, she almost went to ER, almost called us last night. . . . you know how it goes. Tried to find a new doctor for her but she decided it was too far to drive to that particular clinic (closer than the one she goes to now and she never drives anyway; we do). He took her out to lunch, the place she likes, she complained about everything the whole time. Took her to the grocery store and bought a bunch of junk she already has on hand. Whatever. When does it all end? Who's going to survive this stupidity? > > Was NC with Nada for 6 months, but I knew I couldn't be NC for the holidays. She loves them too much. Gave her an inch, and now she's taking a mile. Calling constantly and asking me to give her rides here there and everywhere. > > She called me today because there's supposedly " blood in her stool " and she might need to go to a doctor. She lives 30 minutes away from me and refused to move here when I asked her to because, of course, we can't do anything that might be easier for *me*. > > Sigh. I'm sure the blood in her stool is nothing but a hemmorhoid and she's just lonely and bored and feels like f*cking with me. > > I so love hearing about her bowels. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 28, 2010 Report Share Posted December 28, 2010 Yep, it's all about them. I'm home sick today, hubby went over to run errands for her. She wanted to know where I was (home sick) and then went on for a very long time about her past 3 days have been sheer hell, she almost went to ER, almost called us last night. . . . you know how it goes. Tried to find a new doctor for her but she decided it was too far to drive to that particular clinic (closer than the one she goes to now and she never drives anyway; we do). He took her out to lunch, the place she likes, she complained about everything the whole time. Took her to the grocery store and bought a bunch of junk she already has on hand. Whatever. When does it all end? Who's going to survive this stupidity? > > Was NC with Nada for 6 months, but I knew I couldn't be NC for the holidays. She loves them too much. Gave her an inch, and now she's taking a mile. Calling constantly and asking me to give her rides here there and everywhere. > > She called me today because there's supposedly " blood in her stool " and she might need to go to a doctor. She lives 30 minutes away from me and refused to move here when I asked her to because, of course, we can't do anything that might be easier for *me*. > > Sigh. I'm sure the blood in her stool is nothing but a hemmorhoid and she's just lonely and bored and feels like f*cking with me. > > I so love hearing about her bowels. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 28, 2010 Report Share Posted December 28, 2010 Like an 11 year old girl needs, or wants to hear from her mom about the condoms her parents use! I d have said, why the hell didnt you use them 12 years ago? They can seem, or perhaps use, stupid , uninformed as a mask. If they are truly that clueless...oh my. Re your shitty boss: You could keep a roll of toilet paper handy and every time she tells you throw it at her and tell her to go wipe. You could get hysterics, then be incoherent and unable to explain to her the trauma you have involving bowel movements. Every time she does it, till she stops. You could go to a sex novelty shop and buy her a butt plug, and next time she does it.... What the hell is wrong with these people!!!!! Doug Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 28, 2010 Report Share Posted December 28, 2010 So what your saying mom, is that your vagina is just fine? Great. I repeat, what the hell is wrong with these people. I have never discussed my rectum, bowels, or penis with any of my children. I have no plans to do so. My nada could and would push my buttons with talk about her vagina and her sex life , or my dad s , for decades. I would beg her to stop, to shut up, but she would get all hurt and justify it with I just think you needed to know. She would continue until I was a raging maniac, then turn to a victim and talk about how scared she was of my temper. One of her favorite games. I finally set a boundary on it. If you start to talk about your sex life or my dads, I will hang up the phone. If we are face to face I will walk away. I will not talk to you for several days after such an incident. I will do this every time you violate this boundary. > p.s. Oh yeah. I've heard about her bowels all my life. And her vagina. And her sex life. And how she's convinced she's going to die of bowel or breast cancer. Sigh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 Ha ha ha, Doug, Butt PLUG!!! Yeah!!! My boyfriend told me I should just buy a pack of adult diapers and hand her one when she does it hee hee hee Yeah, the weird thing about the condom conversation with nada is that she approached me not like she was going to educate me, but like she was another kid who had a secret or who was getting away with something. Like she was 11 too. Wow, what a sicko. I told T about her detailed description of things like object rape when I was a small child, like maybe preschool age, if I remember right. T said, yes, she must be a sociopath if she takes that much delight in someone elses pain. Ugh. So guys, for reals, what do I say to my boss when she grabs at her bum and tells me she has to run to the bathroom before she number 2s her pants? Honestly, I find myself speechless. The best I can manage is a grossed out half smile. And on the inside I'm screaming " Grow up!!!! " Should I just say, " Maybe you should watch what you eat next time? " or the other option I thought of is " Have you heard of TMI -- too much information? " Hugs to all. Can't wait for the New Year. It gets better as you get help, it really does. > > > So what your saying mom, is that your vagina is just fine? Great. > > I repeat, what the hell is wrong with these people. I have never > discussed my rectum, bowels, or penis with any of my children. I have no > plans to do so. > > My nada could and would push my buttons with talk about her vagina and > her sex life , or my dad s , for decades. I would beg her to stop, to > shut up, but she would get all hurt and justify it with I just think you > needed to know. She would continue until I was a raging maniac, then > turn to a victim and talk about how scared she was of my temper. One of > her favorite games. > > I finally set a boundary on it. If you start to talk about your sex > life or my dads, I will hang up the phone. If we are face to face I will > walk away. I will not talk to you for several days after such an > incident. I will do this every time you violate this boundary. > > > > p.s. Oh yeah. I've heard about her bowels all my life. And her vagina. > And her sex life. And how she's convinced she's going to die of bowel or > breast cancer. Sigh. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 Maybe that's a hallmark trait of bpd, because my nada sure did that also and I hated it: sharing way, way too much personal, private, intimate information about bodily functions and sex. Maybe it has to do with the bpd having no personal boundaries: you are her and she is you, which is ever so much worse if you are the opposite sex of your bpd parent. Absolutely its OK to set up a boundary forbidding bodily functions and sex and genitalia as topics of discussion between yourself and a parent. Ick. -Annie > > So what your saying mom, is that your vagina is just fine? Great. > > I repeat, what the hell is wrong with these people. I have never > discussed my rectum, bowels, or penis with any of my children. I have no > plans to do so. > > My nada could and would push my buttons with talk about her vagina and > her sex life , or my dad s , for decades. I would beg her to stop, to > shut up, but she would get all hurt and justify it with I just think you > needed to know. She would continue until I was a raging maniac, then > turn to a victim and talk about how scared she was of my temper. One of > her favorite games. > > I finally set a boundary on it. If you start to talk about your sex > life or my dads, I will hang up the phone. If we are face to face I will > walk away. I will not talk to you for several days after such an > incident. I will do this every time you violate this boundary. > > > > p.s. Oh yeah. I've heard about her bowels all my life. And her vagina. > And her sex life. And how she's convinced she's going to die of bowel or > breast cancer. Sigh. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 More than ever, it seems to me that many of the nadas discussed here probably have more than " just " bpd, as though *that* isn't bad enough all on its own. The bpd individuals who seem to enjoy inflicting pain or enjoying the pain of others, who rather consistently set up their child to be humiliated and shamed, etc., or who neglect their child or treat their child like an inanimate object... these behaviors seem to me to be due to narcissistic pd and even sociopathic pd. Its truly terrifying to think of tiny, helpless, trusting, innocent children in the hands of a sociopath, and its a wonder that any of us survived at all. The mind-f**king games my nada treated me to are crazy-making, so its a wonder I'm not in the corner of a rubber room somewhere drooling on my straight-jacket. -Annie > > > > > > > So what your saying mom, is that your vagina is just fine? Great. > > > > I repeat, what the hell is wrong with these people. I have never > > discussed my rectum, bowels, or penis with any of my children. I have no > > plans to do so. > > > > My nada could and would push my buttons with talk about her vagina and > > her sex life , or my dad s , for decades. I would beg her to stop, to > > shut up, but she would get all hurt and justify it with I just think you > > needed to know. She would continue until I was a raging maniac, then > > turn to a victim and talk about how scared she was of my temper. One of > > her favorite games. > > > > I finally set a boundary on it. If you start to talk about your sex > > life or my dads, I will hang up the phone. If we are face to face I will > > walk away. I will not talk to you for several days after such an > > incident. I will do this every time you violate this boundary. > > > > > > > p.s. Oh yeah. I've heard about her bowels all my life. And her vagina. > > And her sex life. And how she's convinced she's going to die of bowel or > > breast cancer. Sigh. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 I agree all, how horrific it is to discuss this kind of thing with your child! My nada did this too--and worse, obsessed on MY bodily functions as well, having the need to make me feel 'gros' in that regard that never let up (and still has not). That was her idea of 'black sheep'. I wanted to say that, when I first entertained the idea of setting boundaries with topics for nada, I realized how fruitless it was, because literally every thing she says is entirely offensive. She is not capable of a communicative interchange. Everything she says is designed to serve a purpose--an evil, manipulative purpose, for even when she's being sweet it's about trying to 'merge' and worship someone split golden--and that always has a sexual element. And whenever she is trying to merge with someone by worshipping them, it always has to be at someone else's expense, someone else has to be disgusting, for the good person to be golden. Literally no topic was ok. It was all offensive and invasive (even if I at that moment was not in particular the one being invaded). I think it's also good to note at this juncture, as we sometimes do on the board, that although nada's manipulations are extremely complicated, her goals are extremely simple. If there can just be a sustained focus on the idea that nada has motives as simple as a three year old child, it makes it easier to understand what is happening. (Examples: I want to feel pretty! I want to make my daughter HURT, hee hee! I want you to look at me! Are you eating that? I want it! Did you get a present? I want it! Are you getting attention? I want it!) Sigh, Charlie > > > > So what your saying mom, is that your vagina is just fine? Great. > > > > I repeat, what the hell is wrong with these people. I have never > > discussed my rectum, bowels, or penis with any of my children. I have no > > plans to do so. > > > > My nada could and would push my buttons with talk about her vagina and > > her sex life , or my dad s , for decades. I would beg her to stop, to > > shut up, but she would get all hurt and justify it with I just think you > > needed to know. She would continue until I was a raging maniac, then > > turn to a victim and talk about how scared she was of my temper. One of > > her favorite games. > > > > I finally set a boundary on it. If you start to talk about your sex > > life or my dads, I will hang up the phone. If we are face to face I will > > walk away. I will not talk to you for several days after such an > > incident. I will do this every time you violate this boundary. > > > > > > > p.s. Oh yeah. I've heard about her bowels all my life. And her vagina. > > And her sex life. And how she's convinced she's going to die of bowel or > > breast cancer. Sigh. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 Been there, heard it, grossed out, too much information about nada's bodily functions. So strange they all do (did) it. All I can say is: Eeeeewwwww. Em Sent from my blueberry. > Maybe that's a hallmark trait of bpd, because my nada sure did that also and I hated it: sharing way, way too much personal, private, intimate information about bodily functions and sex. Maybe it has to do with the bpd having no personal boundaries: you are her and she is you, which is ever so much worse if you are the opposite sex of your bpd parent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 How much do you like that job? I d consider moving on. However, if you want to stay, I would ask her not to do it as it bothers you. Ask her publicly in front of other workers. The next time she does it, state very clearly, publicly, and loudly, that you are filing a sexual harrasment complaint. Doug > > > > > > > So what your saying mom, is that your vagina is just fine? Great. > > > > I repeat, what the hell is wrong with these people. I have never > > discussed my rectum, bowels, or penis with any of my children. I have no > > plans to do so. > > > > My nada could and would push my buttons with talk about her vagina and > > her sex life , or my dad s , for decades. I would beg her to stop, to > > shut up, but she would get all hurt and justify it with I just think you > > needed to know. She would continue until I was a raging maniac, then > > turn to a victim and talk about how scared she was of my temper. One of > > her favorite games. > > > > I finally set a boundary on it. If you start to talk about your sex > > life or my dads, I will hang up the phone. If we are face to face I will > > walk away. I will not talk to you for several days after such an > > incident. I will do this every time you violate this boundary. > > > > > > > p.s. Oh yeah. I've heard about her bowels all my life. And her vagina. > > And her sex life. And how she's convinced she's going to die of bowel or > > breast cancer. Sigh. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 Pictures Annie drooling in the corner. LOL. Maybe you really ARE , and all this is just a delusion? BWahahahahahah. More mind fk games! Seriously, I agree with you on the more than just bpd. I would take it even one step further, that BPD is so broad spectrum that aside from its core , consistent behaviors, it can manifest in any number of other ways involving interpersonal relationships. Perhaps that is in part, why the difficulty in diagnosis, and in treatment. It is so slippery, and has many faces to help it hold on. Think of BP as the emotional equivalent of Lupus. Systemic, widespread, masks as any number of other things, and you just never know what s coming next. Doug > > More than ever, it seems to me that many of the nadas discussed here probably have more than " just " bpd, as though *that* isn't bad enough all on its own. > > The bpd individuals who seem to enjoy inflicting pain or enjoying the pain of others, who rather consistently set up their child to be humiliated and shamed, etc., or who neglect their child or treat their child like an inanimate object... these behaviors seem to me to be due to narcissistic pd and even sociopathic pd. > > Its truly terrifying to think of tiny, helpless, trusting, innocent children in the hands of a sociopath, and its a wonder that any of us survived at all. > > The mind-f**king games my nada treated me to are crazy-making, so its a wonder I'm not in the corner of a rubber room somewhere drooling on my straight-jacket. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 Reminded of a scene from My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Mom says to bride to be, in front of other girls, bridesmaids and cousins, " Sweetheart, Greek women are lambs in the kitchen, but we are Tigers in the bedroom! " to which daughter replies, Eww. Mom, please let that be the end of this conversation. Half our lives , we were going , Ewww. Mom, please let that be the end of this conversation. It never was. Doug > > Maybe that's a hallmark trait of bpd, because my nada sure did that also and I hated it: sharing way, way too much personal, private, intimate information about bodily functions and sex. Maybe it has to do with the bpd having no personal boundaries: you are her and she is you, which is ever so much worse if you are the opposite sex of your bpd parent. > > Absolutely its OK to set up a boundary forbidding bodily functions and sex and genitalia as topics of discussion between yourself and a parent. Ick. > > -Annie > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 Yes, but *unlike* a REAL 3-year-old who is self-absorbed because it is normal for that age, with a real 3-year-old's sweetness, innocence, trusting nature, joy, the desire to please, and the ability to learn, my nada is like an inverted, twisted, malignant, alternate-universe kind of 3-year-old sadist. I think my nada has more than " just " bpd, I think she also has narcissistic pd and at least a few psychopathic pd traits. I guess everyone's nada is different, though, and has a different capacity for empathy and compassion. (((Sigh))) is right. -Annie > > I agree all, how horrific it is to discuss this kind of thing with your child! My nada did this too--and worse, obsessed on MY bodily functions as well, having the need to make me feel 'gros' in that regard that never let up (and still has not). That was her idea of 'black sheep'. I wanted to say that, when I first entertained the idea of setting boundaries with topics for nada, I realized how fruitless it was, because literally every thing she says is entirely offensive. She is not capable of a communicative interchange. Everything she says is designed to serve a purpose--an evil, manipulative purpose, for even when she's being sweet it's about trying to 'merge' and worship someone split golden--and that always has a sexual element. And whenever she is trying to merge with someone by worshipping them, it always has to be at someone else's expense, someone else has to be disgusting, for the good person to be golden. Literally no topic was ok. It was all offensive and invasive (even if I at that moment was not in particular the one being invaded). > > I think it's also good to note at this juncture, as we sometimes do on the board, that although nada's manipulations are extremely complicated, her goals are extremely simple. If there can just be a sustained focus on the idea that nada has motives as simple as a three year old child, it makes it easier to understand what is happening. (Examples: I want to feel pretty! I want to make my daughter HURT, hee hee! I want you to look at me! Are you eating that? I want it! Did you get a present? I want it! Are you getting attention? I want it!) > > Sigh, > Charlie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 I know you're very serious and angry about all the sex talk but when I read it, I get the warped urge to giggle. Not because it's funny but because my nada has done the same thing over the years. It's so twisted, it makes me giggle like a child being scared on a roller coaster. Mine used to tell me about husband #3 doing things to himself, then tossing his gooey undies under the bed for her to clean up. I was in 6th grade at the time. I didn't even quite know what she meant but I figured it was nasty. She took me along on her forays to meet other men (affairs). There was so much going on that wasn't right. Now she talks to strangers in the mall about her lack of sex life. I just roll my eyes and smirk when the people find a sudden excuse to leave. What is their obsession with the subject? I'm surprised we are able to have any kind of normal love life at all after all the horror stories we've heard growing up. > > So what your saying mom, is that your vagina is just fine? Great. > > I repeat, what the hell is wrong with these people. I have never > discussed my rectum, bowels, or penis with any of my children. I have no > plans to do so. > > My nada could and would push my buttons with talk about her vagina and > her sex life , or my dad s , for decades. I would beg her to stop, to > shut up, but she would get all hurt and justify it with I just think you > needed to know. She would continue until I was a raging maniac, then > turn to a victim and talk about how scared she was of my temper. One of > her favorite games. > > I finally set a boundary on it. If you start to talk about your sex > life or my dads, I will hang up the phone. If we are face to face I will > walk away. I will not talk to you for several days after such an > incident. I will do this every time you violate this boundary. > > > > p.s. Oh yeah. I've heard about her bowels all my life. And her vagina. > And her sex life. And how she's convinced she's going to die of bowel or > breast cancer. Sigh. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 Well, see, in some cases, like mine, I was traumatized to the point of never being able to have a normal adult sexual life by my own mother. My nada robbed me of that. Her obsession with and freakishly extreme horror of my sexuality and my normal, natural sexual curiosity as a child caused her to repeatedly traumatize me RE my body and all things sexual. She even committed a horrifically terrifying and shaming quasi-rape and beating of me when I was about 5 to punish me for masturbating, which so terrified and shamed me that I believe that is the incident that " broke " me, causing me to become more or less permanently trauma-bonded to her and dad. I lost " me " because of that treatment, and didn't get myself back until I was well into my 30's. That's why when I was an older child/teen, when my nada started sharing her very personal and intimate details of her bodily functions and her sex life, it was so very disgusting to me and even sort of re-traumatizing, but I could never say that to her. She'd prevented me from having a normal sexual life as though she'd sewn me up, then she wanted me to hear about these things I couldn't enjoy or participate in, like eating ice cream and smacking her lips in pleasure in front of a child dying of starvation. Some nadas are worse than others, I realize. Some are just mildly affected by pd and are simply annoying, while others do unspeakable things to their own children and shouldn't be allowed to raise kids. Personality disorder is a range of behaviors, of severity and freqency, and we each have to find our own path to healing and peace from the damage they do. -Annie > What is their obsession with the subject? I'm surprised we are able to have any kind of normal love life at all after all the horror stories we've heard growing up. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 Do not know how I functioned for 56 years with no one to share these types of experiences with. When Fada was in the hospital he wanted me to pick up his penis and aim towards the urinal! And here I thought I was all alone! Thanks for letting me know there are other tortured souls like me out there. Kay - -- In WTOAdultChildren1 , " IreneM " wrote: > > > I know you're very serious and angry about all the sex talk but when I read it, I get the warped urge to giggle. Not because it's funny but because my nada has done the same thing over the years. It's so twisted, it makes me giggle like a child being scared on a roller coaster. > > Mine used to tell me about husband #3 doing things to himself, then tossing his gooey undies under the bed for her to clean up. I was in 6th grade at the time. I didn't even quite know what she meant but I figured it was nasty. She took me along on her forays to meet other men (affairs). There was so much going on that wasn't right. > > Now she talks to strangers in the mall about her lack of sex life. I just roll my eyes and smirk when the people find a sudden excuse to leave. > > What is their obsession with the subject? I'm surprised we are able to have any kind of normal love life at all after all the horror stories we've heard growing up. > > > > > > > So what your saying mom, is that your vagina is just fine? Great. > > > > I repeat, what the hell is wrong with these people. I have never > > discussed my rectum, bowels, or penis with any of my children. I have no > > plans to do so. > > > > My nada could and would push my buttons with talk about her vagina and > > her sex life , or my dad s , for decades. I would beg her to stop, to > > shut up, but she would get all hurt and justify it with I just think you > > needed to know. She would continue until I was a raging maniac, then > > turn to a victim and talk about how scared she was of my temper. One of > > her favorite games. > > > > I finally set a boundary on it. If you start to talk about your sex > > life or my dads, I will hang up the phone. If we are face to face I will > > walk away. I will not talk to you for several days after such an > > incident. I will do this every time you violate this boundary. > > > > > > > p.s. Oh yeah. I've heard about her bowels all my life. And her vagina. > > And her sex life. And how she's convinced she's going to die of bowel or > > breast cancer. Sigh. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 Annie, I am so sorry to hear this - you are not alone. My Mom told me graphic details about her sex life with my Dad beginning at around age 7, I believe. She began by telling me " your father couldn't perform again last night. " I had no idea what she was talking about and used to wonder if my Dad was in a school play or something. She would see that I was confused and she started telling me more and more details of marital troubles she had with my Dad. She talked to me when he couldn't get an erection and told me stories about putting condoms on him and trying to keep him " up. " I remember that it made me scared and sick. It was her way of splitting me from my father. She did the same thing with me and my older sister. She told me " I guess you know your sister is nasty and has nasty habits. " When I asked her what she meant she told me that after my sister got married, she came back for an overnight visit with her husband and had left a " messy wet spot " on the sheets. Nada told me my sister left the evidence of her " lovemaking " on purpose to show my mother that she was a grown up having sex. The next time I saw my sister, I was embarrassed and thought that somehow she would know what I knew. I remember actually being scared and feeling that I had done something wrong. The other thing my Mom did was to clean herself in front of me all the time, using Masengill douche powder and mixing it in a Pyrex dish from the kitchen. It was horrible. As I got older, I started to realize how sick my Mom was and how hung up she was about sex. I actually went to the library and read books to make sure I knew what the true story was. I also found a few copies of an adult magazine with letters from readers and was able to realize that not everyone had the same bizarre attitudes towards sex and the body. When our parents talked to us about these inappropriate subjects it was their way of pulling us further into the web with them - it was wrong, sick and abusive. Hugs to you and everyone who lived through this vile feature of BPD... Tag > > > What is their obsession with the subject? I'm surprised we are able to have any kind of normal love life at all after all the horror stories we've heard growing up. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 How funny. My Nada talks about her bowels constantly and graphically. I remember going to visit her for xmas in my old home town and a friend came to visit. Living away it was hard to catch up with everyone. My friend could visit for only an hour and we spent most of that time with Nada going into graphic details of her bowels as she was about to go for some tests the next day I was there. It just so happened she booked the tests for when I was there for only 2 days. Then I got pestered to go to the doctors visits with her. I stood my ground and said I had to stay with my daughter. I wasn't spared of the drama of the fasting though. Drama Drama Drama. If my daughter was coming for a visit after a year of seeing her and I had this problem, I know for sure I would of booked the procedure for another time outside of her visit. Then I would of made sure she never knew anything unless there was a problem with the results that was worth the worry. For some strange reason now I hate attention seekers. Wonder why?????? Kazam x > > Was NC with Nada for 6 months, but I knew I couldn't be NC for the holidays. She loves them too much. Gave her an inch, and now she's taking a mile. Calling constantly and asking me to give her rides here there and everywhere. > > She called me today because there's supposedly " blood in her stool " and she might need to go to a doctor. She lives 30 minutes away from me and refused to move here when I asked her to because, of course, we can't do anything that might be easier for *me*. > > Sigh. I'm sure the blood in her stool is nothing but a hemmorhoid and she's just lonely and bored and feels like f*cking with me. > > I so love hearing about her bowels. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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