Guest guest Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 How funny. My Nada talks about her bowels constantly and graphically. I remember going to visit her for xmas in my old home town and a friend came to visit. Living away it was hard to catch up with everyone. My friend could visit for only an hour and we spent most of that time with Nada going into graphic details of her bowels as she was about to go for some tests the next day I was there. It just so happened she booked the tests for when I was there for only 2 days. Then I got pestered to go to the doctors visits with her. I stood my ground and said I had to stay with my daughter. I wasn't spared of the drama of the fasting though. Drama Drama Drama. If my daughter was coming for a visit after a year of seeing her and I had this problem, I know for sure I would of booked the procedure for another time outside of her visit. Then I would of made sure she never knew anything unless there was a problem with the results that was worth the worry. For some strange reason now I hate attention seekers. Wonder why?????? Kazam x > > Was NC with Nada for 6 months, but I knew I couldn't be NC for the holidays. She loves them too much. Gave her an inch, and now she's taking a mile. Calling constantly and asking me to give her rides here there and everywhere. > > She called me today because there's supposedly " blood in her stool " and she might need to go to a doctor. She lives 30 minutes away from me and refused to move here when I asked her to because, of course, we can't do anything that might be easier for *me*. > > Sigh. I'm sure the blood in her stool is nothing but a hemmorhoid and she's just lonely and bored and feels like f*cking with me. > > I so love hearing about her bowels. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 How funny. My Nada talks about her bowels constantly and graphically. I remember going to visit her for xmas in my old home town and a friend came to visit. Living away it was hard to catch up with everyone. My friend could visit for only an hour and we spent most of that time with Nada going into graphic details of her bowels as she was about to go for some tests the next day I was there. It just so happened she booked the tests for when I was there for only 2 days. Then I got pestered to go to the doctors visits with her. I stood my ground and said I had to stay with my daughter. I wasn't spared of the drama of the fasting though. Drama Drama Drama. If my daughter was coming for a visit after a year of seeing her and I had this problem, I know for sure I would of booked the procedure for another time outside of her visit. Then I would of made sure she never knew anything unless there was a problem with the results that was worth the worry. For some strange reason now I hate attention seekers. Wonder why?????? Kazam x > > Was NC with Nada for 6 months, but I knew I couldn't be NC for the holidays. She loves them too much. Gave her an inch, and now she's taking a mile. Calling constantly and asking me to give her rides here there and everywhere. > > She called me today because there's supposedly " blood in her stool " and she might need to go to a doctor. She lives 30 minutes away from me and refused to move here when I asked her to because, of course, we can't do anything that might be easier for *me*. > > Sigh. I'm sure the blood in her stool is nothing but a hemmorhoid and she's just lonely and bored and feels like f*cking with me. > > I so love hearing about her bowels. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 I think the scatological talk can be explained: It gets attention a reaction gives them control They have no shame so it doesn't bother them. > > > How funny. My Nada talks about her bowels constantly and graphically. I > remember going to visit her for xmas in my old home town and a friend came > to visit. Living away it was hard to catch up with everyone. My friend could > visit for only an hour and we spent most of that time with Nada going into > graphic details of her bowels as she was about to go for some tests the next > day I was there. It just so happened she booked the tests for when I was > there for only 2 days. Then I got pestered to go to the doctors visits with > her. > I stood my ground and said I had to stay with my daughter. I wasn't spared > of the drama of the fasting though. > Drama Drama Drama. If my daughter was coming for a visit after a year of > seeing her and I had this problem, I know for sure I would of booked the > procedure for another time outside of her visit. Then I would of made sure > she never knew anything unless there was a problem with the results that was > worth the worry. > For some strange reason now I hate attention seekers. Wonder why?????? > Kazam x > > > > > > Was NC with Nada for 6 months, but I knew I couldn't be NC for the > holidays. She loves them too much. Gave her an inch, and now she's taking a > mile. Calling constantly and asking me to give her rides here there and > everywhere. > > > > She called me today because there's supposedly " blood in her stool " and > she might need to go to a doctor. She lives 30 minutes away from me and > refused to move here when I asked her to because, of course, we can't do > anything that might be easier for *me*. > > > > Sigh. I'm sure the blood in her stool is nothing but a hemmorhoid and > she's just lonely and bored and feels like f*cking with me. > > > > I so love hearing about her bowels. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 I think the scatological talk can be explained: It gets attention a reaction gives them control They have no shame so it doesn't bother them. > > > How funny. My Nada talks about her bowels constantly and graphically. I > remember going to visit her for xmas in my old home town and a friend came > to visit. Living away it was hard to catch up with everyone. My friend could > visit for only an hour and we spent most of that time with Nada going into > graphic details of her bowels as she was about to go for some tests the next > day I was there. It just so happened she booked the tests for when I was > there for only 2 days. Then I got pestered to go to the doctors visits with > her. > I stood my ground and said I had to stay with my daughter. I wasn't spared > of the drama of the fasting though. > Drama Drama Drama. If my daughter was coming for a visit after a year of > seeing her and I had this problem, I know for sure I would of booked the > procedure for another time outside of her visit. Then I would of made sure > she never knew anything unless there was a problem with the results that was > worth the worry. > For some strange reason now I hate attention seekers. Wonder why?????? > Kazam x > > > > > > Was NC with Nada for 6 months, but I knew I couldn't be NC for the > holidays. She loves them too much. Gave her an inch, and now she's taking a > mile. Calling constantly and asking me to give her rides here there and > everywhere. > > > > She called me today because there's supposedly " blood in her stool " and > she might need to go to a doctor. She lives 30 minutes away from me and > refused to move here when I asked her to because, of course, we can't do > anything that might be easier for *me*. > > > > Sigh. I'm sure the blood in her stool is nothing but a hemmorhoid and > she's just lonely and bored and feels like f*cking with me. > > > > I so love hearing about her bowels. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 I think the scatological talk can be explained: It gets attention a reaction gives them control They have no shame so it doesn't bother them. > > > How funny. My Nada talks about her bowels constantly and graphically. I > remember going to visit her for xmas in my old home town and a friend came > to visit. Living away it was hard to catch up with everyone. My friend could > visit for only an hour and we spent most of that time with Nada going into > graphic details of her bowels as she was about to go for some tests the next > day I was there. It just so happened she booked the tests for when I was > there for only 2 days. Then I got pestered to go to the doctors visits with > her. > I stood my ground and said I had to stay with my daughter. I wasn't spared > of the drama of the fasting though. > Drama Drama Drama. If my daughter was coming for a visit after a year of > seeing her and I had this problem, I know for sure I would of booked the > procedure for another time outside of her visit. Then I would of made sure > she never knew anything unless there was a problem with the results that was > worth the worry. > For some strange reason now I hate attention seekers. Wonder why?????? > Kazam x > > > > > > Was NC with Nada for 6 months, but I knew I couldn't be NC for the > holidays. She loves them too much. Gave her an inch, and now she's taking a > mile. Calling constantly and asking me to give her rides here there and > everywhere. > > > > She called me today because there's supposedly " blood in her stool " and > she might need to go to a doctor. She lives 30 minutes away from me and > refused to move here when I asked her to because, of course, we can't do > anything that might be easier for *me*. > > > > Sigh. I'm sure the blood in her stool is nothing but a hemmorhoid and > she's just lonely and bored and feels like f*cking with me. > > > > I so love hearing about her bowels. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 Annie, I am so sorry for your trauma. I like the saying about being kinder and gentler with people because you never know what they've been through. ((((((( hugs to you ))))))) You never know what people live with in their memories. I can't even fathom how people do these things to their own kids. I cannot tolerate injustice of any kind...like I'm violently allergic to it. I wish we could all go back and have a voice and a protective adult on our sides. Amy Re: Back in the web again Well, see, in some cases, like mine, I was traumatized to the point of never being able to have a normal adult sexual life by my own mother. My nada robbed me of that. Her obsession with and freakishly extreme horror of my sexuality and my normal, natural sexual curiosity as a child caused her to repeatedly traumatize me RE my body and all things sexual. She even committed a horrifically terrifying and shaming quasi-rape and beating of me when I was about 5 to punish me for masturbating, which so terrified and shamed me that I believe that is the incident that " broke " me, causing me to become more or less permanently trauma-bonded to her and dad. I lost " me " because of that treatment, and didn't get myself back until I was well into my 30's. That's why when I was an older child/teen, when my nada started sharing her very personal and intimate details of her bodily functions and her sex life, it was so very disgusting to me and even sort of re-traumatizing, but I could never say that to her. She'd prevented me from having a normal sexual life as though she'd sewn me up, then she wanted me to hear about these things I couldn't enjoy or participate in, like eating ice cream and smacking her lips in pleasure in front of a child dying of starvation. Some nadas are worse than others, I realize. Some are just mildly affected by pd and are simply annoying, while others do unspeakable things to their own children and shouldn't be allowed to raise kids. Personality disorder is a range of behaviors, of severity and freqency, and we each have to find our own path to healing and peace from the damage they do. -Annie > What is their obsession with the subject? I'm surprised we are able to have any kind of normal love life at all after all the horror stories we've heard growing up. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 Annie, I am so sorry for your trauma. I like the saying about being kinder and gentler with people because you never know what they've been through. ((((((( hugs to you ))))))) You never know what people live with in their memories. I can't even fathom how people do these things to their own kids. I cannot tolerate injustice of any kind...like I'm violently allergic to it. I wish we could all go back and have a voice and a protective adult on our sides. Amy Re: Back in the web again Well, see, in some cases, like mine, I was traumatized to the point of never being able to have a normal adult sexual life by my own mother. My nada robbed me of that. Her obsession with and freakishly extreme horror of my sexuality and my normal, natural sexual curiosity as a child caused her to repeatedly traumatize me RE my body and all things sexual. She even committed a horrifically terrifying and shaming quasi-rape and beating of me when I was about 5 to punish me for masturbating, which so terrified and shamed me that I believe that is the incident that " broke " me, causing me to become more or less permanently trauma-bonded to her and dad. I lost " me " because of that treatment, and didn't get myself back until I was well into my 30's. That's why when I was an older child/teen, when my nada started sharing her very personal and intimate details of her bodily functions and her sex life, it was so very disgusting to me and even sort of re-traumatizing, but I could never say that to her. She'd prevented me from having a normal sexual life as though she'd sewn me up, then she wanted me to hear about these things I couldn't enjoy or participate in, like eating ice cream and smacking her lips in pleasure in front of a child dying of starvation. Some nadas are worse than others, I realize. Some are just mildly affected by pd and are simply annoying, while others do unspeakable things to their own children and shouldn't be allowed to raise kids. Personality disorder is a range of behaviors, of severity and freqency, and we each have to find our own path to healing and peace from the damage they do. -Annie > What is their obsession with the subject? I'm surprised we are able to have any kind of normal love life at all after all the horror stories we've heard growing up. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 Annie, I am so sorry for your trauma. I like the saying about being kinder and gentler with people because you never know what they've been through. ((((((( hugs to you ))))))) You never know what people live with in their memories. I can't even fathom how people do these things to their own kids. I cannot tolerate injustice of any kind...like I'm violently allergic to it. I wish we could all go back and have a voice and a protective adult on our sides. Amy Re: Back in the web again Well, see, in some cases, like mine, I was traumatized to the point of never being able to have a normal adult sexual life by my own mother. My nada robbed me of that. Her obsession with and freakishly extreme horror of my sexuality and my normal, natural sexual curiosity as a child caused her to repeatedly traumatize me RE my body and all things sexual. She even committed a horrifically terrifying and shaming quasi-rape and beating of me when I was about 5 to punish me for masturbating, which so terrified and shamed me that I believe that is the incident that " broke " me, causing me to become more or less permanently trauma-bonded to her and dad. I lost " me " because of that treatment, and didn't get myself back until I was well into my 30's. That's why when I was an older child/teen, when my nada started sharing her very personal and intimate details of her bodily functions and her sex life, it was so very disgusting to me and even sort of re-traumatizing, but I could never say that to her. She'd prevented me from having a normal sexual life as though she'd sewn me up, then she wanted me to hear about these things I couldn't enjoy or participate in, like eating ice cream and smacking her lips in pleasure in front of a child dying of starvation. Some nadas are worse than others, I realize. Some are just mildly affected by pd and are simply annoying, while others do unspeakable things to their own children and shouldn't be allowed to raise kids. Personality disorder is a range of behaviors, of severity and freqency, and we each have to find our own path to healing and peace from the damage they do. -Annie > What is their obsession with the subject? I'm surprised we are able to have any kind of normal love life at all after all the horror stories we've heard growing up. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 Hey Doug, on the topic of the job -- several therapy sessions now have been devoted to setting boundaries with this person (boss). A few years ago I asked her to stop competing with me at work and she responded to it very well and even thanked me for it later, so I have hope that if from somewhere deep within I can find my inner ball sac (ha ha sorry guys, I wanted to be the one to try the gross talk for a change, besides Doug makes me channel my inner sailor) and tell her to stop it, I have faith that she will stop. I also need to set a boundary with her about touching, commenting on and telling me to go brush my hair. For eff's sake, do you really tell a 36 year old professional woman with a master's degree and a decade and a half career experience to brush her hair in a professional situation? and lest you assume my hair is a rat's nest, it is not. I brush it at least once a week. HA HA HA so I'm starting with those two boundaries. In the meantime, I applied for one director level position last week and also to 3 PhD programs. So change is on the way, as Senator Kerry liked to say. The bigger issue is how do I keep from ending up in an identical situation next time. Work relationships seems to be my toughest boundary area. Ha ha ha hugs guys. Yeah, scatalogical humor must get them what they want. On Wed, Dec 29, 2010 at 3:06 PM, Millicent Kunstler < millicentkunstler@...> wrote: > I think the scatological talk can be explained: > It gets attention > a reaction > gives them control > They have no shame so it doesn't bother them. > > > > > > > > > How funny. My Nada talks about her bowels constantly and graphically. I > > remember going to visit her for xmas in my old home town and a friend > came > > to visit. Living away it was hard to catch up with everyone. My friend > could > > visit for only an hour and we spent most of that time with Nada going > into > > graphic details of her bowels as she was about to go for some tests the > next > > day I was there. It just so happened she booked the tests for when I was > > there for only 2 days. Then I got pestered to go to the doctors visits > with > > her. > > I stood my ground and said I had to stay with my daughter. I wasn't > spared > > of the drama of the fasting though. > > Drama Drama Drama. If my daughter was coming for a visit after a year of > > seeing her and I had this problem, I know for sure I would of booked the > > procedure for another time outside of her visit. Then I would of made > sure > > she never knew anything unless there was a problem with the results that > was > > worth the worry. > > For some strange reason now I hate attention seekers. Wonder why?????? > > Kazam x > > > > > > > > > > Was NC with Nada for 6 months, but I knew I couldn't be NC for the > > holidays. She loves them too much. Gave her an inch, and now she's taking > a > > mile. Calling constantly and asking me to give her rides here there and > > everywhere. > > > > > > She called me today because there's supposedly " blood in her stool " and > > she might need to go to a doctor. She lives 30 minutes away from me and > > refused to move here when I asked her to because, of course, we can't do > > anything that might be easier for *me*. > > > > > > Sigh. I'm sure the blood in her stool is nothing but a hemmorhoid and > > she's just lonely and bored and feels like f*cking with me. > > > > > > I so love hearing about her bowels. > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 Hey Doug, on the topic of the job -- several therapy sessions now have been devoted to setting boundaries with this person (boss). A few years ago I asked her to stop competing with me at work and she responded to it very well and even thanked me for it later, so I have hope that if from somewhere deep within I can find my inner ball sac (ha ha sorry guys, I wanted to be the one to try the gross talk for a change, besides Doug makes me channel my inner sailor) and tell her to stop it, I have faith that she will stop. I also need to set a boundary with her about touching, commenting on and telling me to go brush my hair. For eff's sake, do you really tell a 36 year old professional woman with a master's degree and a decade and a half career experience to brush her hair in a professional situation? and lest you assume my hair is a rat's nest, it is not. I brush it at least once a week. HA HA HA so I'm starting with those two boundaries. In the meantime, I applied for one director level position last week and also to 3 PhD programs. So change is on the way, as Senator Kerry liked to say. The bigger issue is how do I keep from ending up in an identical situation next time. Work relationships seems to be my toughest boundary area. Ha ha ha hugs guys. Yeah, scatalogical humor must get them what they want. On Wed, Dec 29, 2010 at 3:06 PM, Millicent Kunstler < millicentkunstler@...> wrote: > I think the scatological talk can be explained: > It gets attention > a reaction > gives them control > They have no shame so it doesn't bother them. > > > > > > > > > How funny. My Nada talks about her bowels constantly and graphically. I > > remember going to visit her for xmas in my old home town and a friend > came > > to visit. Living away it was hard to catch up with everyone. My friend > could > > visit for only an hour and we spent most of that time with Nada going > into > > graphic details of her bowels as she was about to go for some tests the > next > > day I was there. It just so happened she booked the tests for when I was > > there for only 2 days. Then I got pestered to go to the doctors visits > with > > her. > > I stood my ground and said I had to stay with my daughter. I wasn't > spared > > of the drama of the fasting though. > > Drama Drama Drama. If my daughter was coming for a visit after a year of > > seeing her and I had this problem, I know for sure I would of booked the > > procedure for another time outside of her visit. Then I would of made > sure > > she never knew anything unless there was a problem with the results that > was > > worth the worry. > > For some strange reason now I hate attention seekers. Wonder why?????? > > Kazam x > > > > > > > > > > Was NC with Nada for 6 months, but I knew I couldn't be NC for the > > holidays. She loves them too much. Gave her an inch, and now she's taking > a > > mile. Calling constantly and asking me to give her rides here there and > > everywhere. > > > > > > She called me today because there's supposedly " blood in her stool " and > > she might need to go to a doctor. She lives 30 minutes away from me and > > refused to move here when I asked her to because, of course, we can't do > > anything that might be easier for *me*. > > > > > > Sigh. I'm sure the blood in her stool is nothing but a hemmorhoid and > > she's just lonely and bored and feels like f*cking with me. > > > > > > I so love hearing about her bowels. > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 Hey Doug, on the topic of the job -- several therapy sessions now have been devoted to setting boundaries with this person (boss). A few years ago I asked her to stop competing with me at work and she responded to it very well and even thanked me for it later, so I have hope that if from somewhere deep within I can find my inner ball sac (ha ha sorry guys, I wanted to be the one to try the gross talk for a change, besides Doug makes me channel my inner sailor) and tell her to stop it, I have faith that she will stop. I also need to set a boundary with her about touching, commenting on and telling me to go brush my hair. For eff's sake, do you really tell a 36 year old professional woman with a master's degree and a decade and a half career experience to brush her hair in a professional situation? and lest you assume my hair is a rat's nest, it is not. I brush it at least once a week. HA HA HA so I'm starting with those two boundaries. In the meantime, I applied for one director level position last week and also to 3 PhD programs. So change is on the way, as Senator Kerry liked to say. The bigger issue is how do I keep from ending up in an identical situation next time. Work relationships seems to be my toughest boundary area. Ha ha ha hugs guys. Yeah, scatalogical humor must get them what they want. On Wed, Dec 29, 2010 at 3:06 PM, Millicent Kunstler < millicentkunstler@...> wrote: > I think the scatological talk can be explained: > It gets attention > a reaction > gives them control > They have no shame so it doesn't bother them. > > > > > > > > > How funny. My Nada talks about her bowels constantly and graphically. I > > remember going to visit her for xmas in my old home town and a friend > came > > to visit. Living away it was hard to catch up with everyone. My friend > could > > visit for only an hour and we spent most of that time with Nada going > into > > graphic details of her bowels as she was about to go for some tests the > next > > day I was there. It just so happened she booked the tests for when I was > > there for only 2 days. Then I got pestered to go to the doctors visits > with > > her. > > I stood my ground and said I had to stay with my daughter. I wasn't > spared > > of the drama of the fasting though. > > Drama Drama Drama. If my daughter was coming for a visit after a year of > > seeing her and I had this problem, I know for sure I would of booked the > > procedure for another time outside of her visit. Then I would of made > sure > > she never knew anything unless there was a problem with the results that > was > > worth the worry. > > For some strange reason now I hate attention seekers. Wonder why?????? > > Kazam x > > > > > > > > > > Was NC with Nada for 6 months, but I knew I couldn't be NC for the > > holidays. She loves them too much. Gave her an inch, and now she's taking > a > > mile. Calling constantly and asking me to give her rides here there and > > everywhere. > > > > > > She called me today because there's supposedly " blood in her stool " and > > she might need to go to a doctor. She lives 30 minutes away from me and > > refused to move here when I asked her to because, of course, we can't do > > anything that might be easier for *me*. > > > > > > Sigh. I'm sure the blood in her stool is nothing but a hemmorhoid and > > she's just lonely and bored and feels like f*cking with me. > > > > > > I so love hearing about her bowels. > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 Oh by the way, I did set a boundary with her about 3 weeks ago (I've been off work for vacation). She had developed a habit of saying a client of mine was ugly every time his name came up. I finally had enough and I asked her how she would feel if someone commented on how ugly she is every time her name came up in conversation. She was fit to be tied, claimed it does happen and I told her that I wouldn't put up with it if they talked that way in front of me (and I hope she can infer that I won't put up with her talking about my client that way either -- who by the way is her client if they are my client since she's my boss)! It was a big step for me to say what I thought. And I figured even if it made her mad, if she were to take it as a complaint up the chain of command she'd end up looking like a pretty shallow person having to admit what she said to start the whole conversation off. On Wed, Dec 29, 2010 at 3:30 PM, Girlscout Cowboy < girlscout.cowboy@...> wrote: > Hey Doug, on the topic of the job -- several therapy sessions now have been > devoted to setting boundaries with this person (boss). A few years ago I > asked her to stop competing with me at work and she responded to it very > well and even thanked me for it later, so I have hope that if from somewhere > deep within I can find my inner ball sac (ha ha sorry guys, I wanted to be > the one to try the gross talk for a change, besides Doug makes me channel my > inner sailor) and tell her to stop it, I have faith that she will stop. I > also need to set a boundary with her about touching, commenting on and > telling me to go brush my hair. For eff's sake, do you really tell a 36 year > old professional woman with a master's degree and a decade and a half career > experience to brush her hair in a professional situation? and lest you > assume my hair is a rat's nest, it is not. I brush it at least once a week. > HA HA HA > > so I'm starting with those two boundaries. > > In the meantime, I applied for one director level position last week and > also to 3 PhD programs. So change is on the way, as Senator Kerry liked to > say. The bigger issue is how do I keep from ending up in an identical > situation next time. Work relationships seems to be my toughest boundary > area. > > Ha ha ha hugs guys. Yeah, scatalogical humor must get them what they want. > > On Wed, Dec 29, 2010 at 3:06 PM, Millicent Kunstler < > millicentkunstler@...> wrote: > >> I think the scatological talk can be explained: >> It gets attention >> a reaction >> gives them control >> They have no shame so it doesn't bother them. >> >> >> >> > >> > >> > How funny. My Nada talks about her bowels constantly and graphically. I >> > remember going to visit her for xmas in my old home town and a friend >> came >> > to visit. Living away it was hard to catch up with everyone. My friend >> could >> > visit for only an hour and we spent most of that time with Nada going >> into >> > graphic details of her bowels as she was about to go for some tests the >> next >> > day I was there. It just so happened she booked the tests for when I was >> > there for only 2 days. Then I got pestered to go to the doctors visits >> with >> > her. >> > I stood my ground and said I had to stay with my daughter. I wasn't >> spared >> > of the drama of the fasting though. >> > Drama Drama Drama. If my daughter was coming for a visit after a year of >> > seeing her and I had this problem, I know for sure I would of booked the >> > procedure for another time outside of her visit. Then I would of made >> sure >> > she never knew anything unless there was a problem with the results that >> was >> > worth the worry. >> > For some strange reason now I hate attention seekers. Wonder why?????? >> > Kazam x >> > >> > >> > > >> > > Was NC with Nada for 6 months, but I knew I couldn't be NC for the >> > holidays. She loves them too much. Gave her an inch, and now she's >> taking a >> > mile. Calling constantly and asking me to give her rides here there and >> > everywhere. >> > > >> > > She called me today because there's supposedly " blood in her stool " >> and >> > she might need to go to a doctor. She lives 30 minutes away from me and >> > refused to move here when I asked her to because, of course, we can't do >> > anything that might be easier for *me*. >> > > >> > > Sigh. I'm sure the blood in her stool is nothing but a hemmorhoid and >> > she's just lonely and bored and feels like f*cking with me. >> > > >> > > I so love hearing about her bowels. >> > > >> > >> > >> > >> >> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 Oh by the way, I did set a boundary with her about 3 weeks ago (I've been off work for vacation). She had developed a habit of saying a client of mine was ugly every time his name came up. I finally had enough and I asked her how she would feel if someone commented on how ugly she is every time her name came up in conversation. She was fit to be tied, claimed it does happen and I told her that I wouldn't put up with it if they talked that way in front of me (and I hope she can infer that I won't put up with her talking about my client that way either -- who by the way is her client if they are my client since she's my boss)! It was a big step for me to say what I thought. And I figured even if it made her mad, if she were to take it as a complaint up the chain of command she'd end up looking like a pretty shallow person having to admit what she said to start the whole conversation off. On Wed, Dec 29, 2010 at 3:30 PM, Girlscout Cowboy < girlscout.cowboy@...> wrote: > Hey Doug, on the topic of the job -- several therapy sessions now have been > devoted to setting boundaries with this person (boss). A few years ago I > asked her to stop competing with me at work and she responded to it very > well and even thanked me for it later, so I have hope that if from somewhere > deep within I can find my inner ball sac (ha ha sorry guys, I wanted to be > the one to try the gross talk for a change, besides Doug makes me channel my > inner sailor) and tell her to stop it, I have faith that she will stop. I > also need to set a boundary with her about touching, commenting on and > telling me to go brush my hair. For eff's sake, do you really tell a 36 year > old professional woman with a master's degree and a decade and a half career > experience to brush her hair in a professional situation? and lest you > assume my hair is a rat's nest, it is not. I brush it at least once a week. > HA HA HA > > so I'm starting with those two boundaries. > > In the meantime, I applied for one director level position last week and > also to 3 PhD programs. So change is on the way, as Senator Kerry liked to > say. The bigger issue is how do I keep from ending up in an identical > situation next time. Work relationships seems to be my toughest boundary > area. > > Ha ha ha hugs guys. Yeah, scatalogical humor must get them what they want. > > On Wed, Dec 29, 2010 at 3:06 PM, Millicent Kunstler < > millicentkunstler@...> wrote: > >> I think the scatological talk can be explained: >> It gets attention >> a reaction >> gives them control >> They have no shame so it doesn't bother them. >> >> >> >> > >> > >> > How funny. My Nada talks about her bowels constantly and graphically. I >> > remember going to visit her for xmas in my old home town and a friend >> came >> > to visit. Living away it was hard to catch up with everyone. My friend >> could >> > visit for only an hour and we spent most of that time with Nada going >> into >> > graphic details of her bowels as she was about to go for some tests the >> next >> > day I was there. It just so happened she booked the tests for when I was >> > there for only 2 days. Then I got pestered to go to the doctors visits >> with >> > her. >> > I stood my ground and said I had to stay with my daughter. I wasn't >> spared >> > of the drama of the fasting though. >> > Drama Drama Drama. If my daughter was coming for a visit after a year of >> > seeing her and I had this problem, I know for sure I would of booked the >> > procedure for another time outside of her visit. Then I would of made >> sure >> > she never knew anything unless there was a problem with the results that >> was >> > worth the worry. >> > For some strange reason now I hate attention seekers. Wonder why?????? >> > Kazam x >> > >> > >> > > >> > > Was NC with Nada for 6 months, but I knew I couldn't be NC for the >> > holidays. She loves them too much. Gave her an inch, and now she's >> taking a >> > mile. Calling constantly and asking me to give her rides here there and >> > everywhere. >> > > >> > > She called me today because there's supposedly " blood in her stool " >> and >> > she might need to go to a doctor. She lives 30 minutes away from me and >> > refused to move here when I asked her to because, of course, we can't do >> > anything that might be easier for *me*. >> > > >> > > Sigh. I'm sure the blood in her stool is nothing but a hemmorhoid and >> > she's just lonely and bored and feels like f*cking with me. >> > > >> > > I so love hearing about her bowels. >> > > >> > >> > >> > >> >> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 My step mom did something similar to me. When I was about 13 - 15 years old she started telling me all about a lesbian experience she had as a teen. I was just kind of speechless. She then started asking me questions about my sex life... I was like " Um, I don't have one " . Eep. Other than that weirdness with her, I never had a problem with her. She was actually more of a mom than my nada. But yeah, issues there too lol. As for nadas & medical issues... mine never talked about anything AT ALL. She had problems with her teeth though, and had several root canals one year. I wouldn't know until she came home with gauze in her mouth that she was even having anything done. I don't know.... I always felt bad because I didn't know ahead of time to help make her comfortable. But then again, I think she didn't tell me on purpose so that she could guilt me for going on with life when I had no idea that she was having something done. She also screamed bloody murder at me for having a 2nd surgery to try & figure out what was going on with me. I will not go into detail, but I'm 33 years old & have been dealing with this disease for 20 years. I used to tell her all the time something was wrong, but she refused to do anything about it. The first time I had surgery, they thought something else was going on so they missed the real issue. So when I told her I was having surgery #2, omg... world war 3 broke loose! She screamed at me & told me that I was only doing this for attention. Ugh, it was really ugly. Unfortunately I had to have 2 more surgeries after that (one was NOT related to this issue) and I just didn't even tell her about them. Eventually she found out and then was " very hurt " that I didn't tell her. Lucky for me I am NC with the woman now, and having a very major surgery next month. I could care less if she knows or not, just as long as she stays the hell away from me. I don't think she knows where I live (she knows what state, but that's it to my knowledge). So dear god... I hope she doesn't just show up at the hospital or my house after this surgery. I'll be calling the cops if she does. Sorry, I'm rambling. And I feel bad for it because I haven't posted in so very long. Mia On Wed, Dec 29, 2010 at 11:59 AM, charlottehoneychurch < charlottehoneychurch@...> wrote: > > > I agree all, how horrific it is to discuss this kind of thing with your > child! My nada did this too--and worse, obsessed on MY bodily functions as > well, having the need to make me feel 'gros' in that regard that never let > up (and still has not). That was her idea of 'black sheep'. I wanted to say > that, when I first entertained the idea of setting boundaries with topics > for nada, I realized how fruitless it was, because literally every thing she > says is entirely offensive. She is not capable of a communicative > interchange. Everything she says is designed to serve a purpose--an evil, > manipulative purpose, for even when she's being sweet it's about trying to > 'merge' and worship someone split golden--and that always has a sexual > element. And whenever she is trying to merge with someone by worshipping > them, it always has to be at someone else's expense, someone else has to be > disgusting, for the good person to be golden. Literally no topic was ok. It > was all offensive and invasive (even if I at that moment was not in > particular the one being invaded). > > I think it's also good to note at this juncture, as we sometimes do on the > board, that although nada's manipulations are extremely complicated, her > goals are extremely simple. If there can just be a sustained focus on the > idea that nada has motives as simple as a three year old child, it makes it > easier to understand what is happening. (Examples: I want to feel pretty! I > want to make my daughter HURT, hee hee! I want you to look at me! Are you > eating that? I want it! Did you get a present? I want it! Are you getting > attention? I want it!) > > Sigh, > Charlie > > > > > > > > > So what your saying mom, is that your vagina is just fine? Great. > > > > > > I repeat, what the hell is wrong with these people. I have never > > > discussed my rectum, bowels, or penis with any of my children. I have > no > > > plans to do so. > > > > > > My nada could and would push my buttons with talk about her vagina and > > > her sex life , or my dad s , for decades. I would beg her to stop, to > > > shut up, but she would get all hurt and justify it with I just think > you > > > needed to know. She would continue until I was a raging maniac, then > > > turn to a victim and talk about how scared she was of my temper. One of > > > her favorite games. > > > > > > I finally set a boundary on it. If you start to talk about your sex > > > life or my dads, I will hang up the phone. If we are face to face I > will > > > walk away. I will not talk to you for several days after such an > > > incident. I will do this every time you violate this boundary. > > > > > > > > > > p.s. Oh yeah. I've heard about her bowels all my life. And her > vagina. > > > And her sex life. And how she's convinced she's going to die of bowel > or > > > breast cancer. Sigh. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 This is so interesting to me. I never thought that this " openness "  could be because of BPD. My nada constanly wants to talk to me about her sex life with my dad, and I always tell her how uncomfortable I am talking about that. She actually called the other day to tell me how sad she thinks it is that we can't talk about sex with each other.  She doesn't get it. I just continue to tell her that it makes me uncomfortable. ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Wed, December 29, 2010 1:06:37 PM Subject: Re: Back in the web again  How funny. My Nada talks about her bowels constantly and graphically. I remember going to visit her for xmas in my old home town and a friend came to visit. Living away it was hard to catch up with everyone. My friend could visit for only an hour and we spent most of that time with Nada going into graphic details of her bowels as she was about to go for some tests the next day I was there. It just so happened she booked the tests for when I was there for only 2 days. Then I got pestered to go to the doctors visits with her. I stood my ground and said I had to stay with my daughter. I wasn't spared of the drama of the fasting though. Drama Drama Drama. If my daughter was coming for a visit after a year of seeing her and I had this problem, I know for sure I would of booked the procedure for another time outside of her visit. Then I would of made sure she never knew anything unless there was a problem with the results that was worth the worry. For some strange reason now I hate attention seekers. Wonder why?????? Kazam x > > Was NC with Nada for 6 months, but I knew I couldn't be NC for the holidays. >She loves them too much. Gave her an inch, and now she's taking a mile. Calling >constantly and asking me to give her rides here there and everywhere. > > She called me today because there's supposedly " blood in her stool " and she >might need to go to a doctor. She lives 30 minutes away from me and refused to >move here when I asked her to because, of course, we can't do anything that >might be easier for *me*. > > Sigh. I'm sure the blood in her stool is nothing but a hemmorhoid and she's >just lonely and bored and feels like f*cking with me. > > I so love hearing about her bowels. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 This is so interesting to me. I never thought that this " openness "  could be because of BPD. My nada constanly wants to talk to me about her sex life with my dad, and I always tell her how uncomfortable I am talking about that. She actually called the other day to tell me how sad she thinks it is that we can't talk about sex with each other.  She doesn't get it. I just continue to tell her that it makes me uncomfortable. ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Wed, December 29, 2010 1:06:37 PM Subject: Re: Back in the web again  How funny. My Nada talks about her bowels constantly and graphically. I remember going to visit her for xmas in my old home town and a friend came to visit. Living away it was hard to catch up with everyone. My friend could visit for only an hour and we spent most of that time with Nada going into graphic details of her bowels as she was about to go for some tests the next day I was there. It just so happened she booked the tests for when I was there for only 2 days. Then I got pestered to go to the doctors visits with her. I stood my ground and said I had to stay with my daughter. I wasn't spared of the drama of the fasting though. Drama Drama Drama. If my daughter was coming for a visit after a year of seeing her and I had this problem, I know for sure I would of booked the procedure for another time outside of her visit. Then I would of made sure she never knew anything unless there was a problem with the results that was worth the worry. For some strange reason now I hate attention seekers. Wonder why?????? Kazam x > > Was NC with Nada for 6 months, but I knew I couldn't be NC for the holidays. >She loves them too much. Gave her an inch, and now she's taking a mile. Calling >constantly and asking me to give her rides here there and everywhere. > > She called me today because there's supposedly " blood in her stool " and she >might need to go to a doctor. She lives 30 minutes away from me and refused to >move here when I asked her to because, of course, we can't do anything that >might be easier for *me*. > > Sigh. I'm sure the blood in her stool is nothing but a hemmorhoid and she's >just lonely and bored and feels like f*cking with me. > > I so love hearing about her bowels. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 This is so interesting to me. I never thought that this " openness "  could be because of BPD. My nada constanly wants to talk to me about her sex life with my dad, and I always tell her how uncomfortable I am talking about that. She actually called the other day to tell me how sad she thinks it is that we can't talk about sex with each other.  She doesn't get it. I just continue to tell her that it makes me uncomfortable. ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Wed, December 29, 2010 1:06:37 PM Subject: Re: Back in the web again  How funny. My Nada talks about her bowels constantly and graphically. I remember going to visit her for xmas in my old home town and a friend came to visit. Living away it was hard to catch up with everyone. My friend could visit for only an hour and we spent most of that time with Nada going into graphic details of her bowels as she was about to go for some tests the next day I was there. It just so happened she booked the tests for when I was there for only 2 days. Then I got pestered to go to the doctors visits with her. I stood my ground and said I had to stay with my daughter. I wasn't spared of the drama of the fasting though. Drama Drama Drama. If my daughter was coming for a visit after a year of seeing her and I had this problem, I know for sure I would of booked the procedure for another time outside of her visit. Then I would of made sure she never knew anything unless there was a problem with the results that was worth the worry. For some strange reason now I hate attention seekers. Wonder why?????? Kazam x > > Was NC with Nada for 6 months, but I knew I couldn't be NC for the holidays. >She loves them too much. Gave her an inch, and now she's taking a mile. Calling >constantly and asking me to give her rides here there and everywhere. > > She called me today because there's supposedly " blood in her stool " and she >might need to go to a doctor. She lives 30 minutes away from me and refused to >move here when I asked her to because, of course, we can't do anything that >might be easier for *me*. > > Sigh. I'm sure the blood in her stool is nothing but a hemmorhoid and she's >just lonely and bored and feels like f*cking with me. > > I so love hearing about her bowels. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 Yes, I think these forced sexual-intimacy-sharing behaviors go beyond normal " openness " and slide into abnormal " enmeshment " and a degenerate kind of obsessiveness. Its a level of intimacy that only husbands and wives would want to share with each other, seems to me, and maybe not even that much information is usually shared between husband and wife; I don't know. But sharing with your minor child or adult child the intimate details of your sexual life and bodily functions seems horribly inappropriate, invasive and intrusive to me. I always felt invaded, embarrassed and uncomfortable when my nada presumed to be that intimate with me and demanded a similar level of intimacy from me RE my bodily functions and whatnot. Its just plain icky and is yet another indicator to me of just how skewed off of healthy and normal the bpd brain is. Its also another indicator of how moms are held to a different and less harsh/rigid standard of behavior than dads. If a father were to confide to his barely-pubescent daughter in graphic detail the intimate sexual activities he indulges in with his wife, described his own bodily functions or dysfunctions to his daughter, and were to demand that his daughter tell him in equally graphic detail how her body is developing and her innermost sexual thoughts... well, that would be considered shockingly inappropriate and possibly even incestuous behavior coming from fada. But somehow we give good old nada a pass on that and don't call her on the carpet for being inappropriate and invasive. Double standards are still in full force, it would seem. -Annie > > > > Was NC with Nada for 6 months, but I knew I couldn't be NC for the holidays. > >She loves them too much. Gave her an inch, and now she's taking a mile. Calling > >constantly and asking me to give her rides here there and everywhere. > > > > She called me today because there's supposedly " blood in her stool " and she > >might need to go to a doctor. She lives 30 minutes away from me and refused to > >move here when I asked her to because, of course, we can't do anything that > >might be easier for *me*. > > > > Sigh. I'm sure the blood in her stool is nothing but a hemmorhoid and she's > >just lonely and bored and feels like f*cking with me. > > > > I so love hearing about her bowels. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 Yes, I think these forced sexual-intimacy-sharing behaviors go beyond normal " openness " and slide into abnormal " enmeshment " and a degenerate kind of obsessiveness. Its a level of intimacy that only husbands and wives would want to share with each other, seems to me, and maybe not even that much information is usually shared between husband and wife; I don't know. But sharing with your minor child or adult child the intimate details of your sexual life and bodily functions seems horribly inappropriate, invasive and intrusive to me. I always felt invaded, embarrassed and uncomfortable when my nada presumed to be that intimate with me and demanded a similar level of intimacy from me RE my bodily functions and whatnot. Its just plain icky and is yet another indicator to me of just how skewed off of healthy and normal the bpd brain is. Its also another indicator of how moms are held to a different and less harsh/rigid standard of behavior than dads. If a father were to confide to his barely-pubescent daughter in graphic detail the intimate sexual activities he indulges in with his wife, described his own bodily functions or dysfunctions to his daughter, and were to demand that his daughter tell him in equally graphic detail how her body is developing and her innermost sexual thoughts... well, that would be considered shockingly inappropriate and possibly even incestuous behavior coming from fada. But somehow we give good old nada a pass on that and don't call her on the carpet for being inappropriate and invasive. Double standards are still in full force, it would seem. -Annie > > > > Was NC with Nada for 6 months, but I knew I couldn't be NC for the holidays. > >She loves them too much. Gave her an inch, and now she's taking a mile. Calling > >constantly and asking me to give her rides here there and everywhere. > > > > She called me today because there's supposedly " blood in her stool " and she > >might need to go to a doctor. She lives 30 minutes away from me and refused to > >move here when I asked her to because, of course, we can't do anything that > >might be easier for *me*. > > > > Sigh. I'm sure the blood in her stool is nothing but a hemmorhoid and she's > >just lonely and bored and feels like f*cking with me. > > > > I so love hearing about her bowels. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 30, 2010 Report Share Posted December 30, 2010 Slobber! Slobber!!! How did you guys know that's all I do all day? they loosened my jacket so I can type, they are hoping to get some productive work out of me > > > Pictures Annie drooling in the corner. LOL. Maybe you really ARE , > and all this is just a delusion? > > BWahahahahahah. More mind fk games! > > Seriously, I agree with you on the more than just bpd. I would take it > even one step further, that BPD is so broad spectrum that aside from its > core , consistent behaviors, it can manifest in any number of other ways > involving interpersonal relationships. Perhaps that is in part, why > the difficulty in diagnosis, and in treatment. It is so slippery, and > has many faces to help it hold on. > > Think of BP as the emotional equivalent of Lupus. Systemic, widespread, > masks as any number of other things, and you just never know what s > coming next. > > Doug > > > > > > > More than ever, it seems to me that many of the nadas discussed here > probably have more than " just " bpd, as though *that* isn't bad enough > all on its own. > > > > The bpd individuals who seem to enjoy inflicting pain or enjoying the > pain of others, who rather consistently set up their child to be > humiliated and shamed, etc., or who neglect their child or treat their > child like an inanimate object... these behaviors seem to me to be due > to narcissistic pd and even sociopathic pd. > > > > Its truly terrifying to think of tiny, helpless, trusting, innocent > children in the hands of a sociopath, and its a wonder that any of us > survived at all. > > > > The mind-f**king games my nada treated me to are crazy-making, so its > a wonder I'm not in the corner of a rubber room somewhere drooling on my > straight-jacket. > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 30, 2010 Report Share Posted December 30, 2010 Slobber! Slobber!!! How did you guys know that's all I do all day? they loosened my jacket so I can type, they are hoping to get some productive work out of me > > > Pictures Annie drooling in the corner. LOL. Maybe you really ARE , > and all this is just a delusion? > > BWahahahahahah. More mind fk games! > > Seriously, I agree with you on the more than just bpd. I would take it > even one step further, that BPD is so broad spectrum that aside from its > core , consistent behaviors, it can manifest in any number of other ways > involving interpersonal relationships. Perhaps that is in part, why > the difficulty in diagnosis, and in treatment. It is so slippery, and > has many faces to help it hold on. > > Think of BP as the emotional equivalent of Lupus. Systemic, widespread, > masks as any number of other things, and you just never know what s > coming next. > > Doug > > > > > > > More than ever, it seems to me that many of the nadas discussed here > probably have more than " just " bpd, as though *that* isn't bad enough > all on its own. > > > > The bpd individuals who seem to enjoy inflicting pain or enjoying the > pain of others, who rather consistently set up their child to be > humiliated and shamed, etc., or who neglect their child or treat their > child like an inanimate object... these behaviors seem to me to be due > to narcissistic pd and even sociopathic pd. > > > > Its truly terrifying to think of tiny, helpless, trusting, innocent > children in the hands of a sociopath, and its a wonder that any of us > survived at all. > > > > The mind-f**king games my nada treated me to are crazy-making, so its > a wonder I'm not in the corner of a rubber room somewhere drooling on my > straight-jacket. > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 30, 2010 Report Share Posted December 30, 2010 Slobber! Slobber!!! How did you guys know that's all I do all day? they loosened my jacket so I can type, they are hoping to get some productive work out of me > > > Pictures Annie drooling in the corner. LOL. Maybe you really ARE , > and all this is just a delusion? > > BWahahahahahah. More mind fk games! > > Seriously, I agree with you on the more than just bpd. I would take it > even one step further, that BPD is so broad spectrum that aside from its > core , consistent behaviors, it can manifest in any number of other ways > involving interpersonal relationships. Perhaps that is in part, why > the difficulty in diagnosis, and in treatment. It is so slippery, and > has many faces to help it hold on. > > Think of BP as the emotional equivalent of Lupus. Systemic, widespread, > masks as any number of other things, and you just never know what s > coming next. > > Doug > > > > > > > More than ever, it seems to me that many of the nadas discussed here > probably have more than " just " bpd, as though *that* isn't bad enough > all on its own. > > > > The bpd individuals who seem to enjoy inflicting pain or enjoying the > pain of others, who rather consistently set up their child to be > humiliated and shamed, etc., or who neglect their child or treat their > child like an inanimate object... these behaviors seem to me to be due > to narcissistic pd and even sociopathic pd. > > > > Its truly terrifying to think of tiny, helpless, trusting, innocent > children in the hands of a sociopath, and its a wonder that any of us > survived at all. > > > > The mind-f**king games my nada treated me to are crazy-making, so its > a wonder I'm not in the corner of a rubber room somewhere drooling on my > straight-jacket. > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 30, 2010 Report Share Posted December 30, 2010 Spot on , Annie. Enmeshment indeed. As to the intimacy issue, I don t talk to my WIFE about my bowels. Good grief. They are truly incapable of real intimacy. I think in one sense they seek it with this sort of behaviors, and with sexual inappropriateness. Nada s delusion was the we were very close and could share and talk about anything. My take on it was, Mom is vulgar and uncouth and will talk to me or in front of me about anything. That I don t want to have the conversation was moot. Regarding sexual talk between parents and children, I think parents should, despite their reticence, talk frankly and openly about sexuality when they reach pre pubescence and begin to ask questions. They ought to cover all the bases, and there are excellent books to guide them in this dialogue. But the guiding factor ought to be the questions from the child. Open the dialogue, make it clear that you will talk with them about it, without shame, whenever they wish, and give them a safe forum to ask what they need to know. However, graphic details are needless and harmful. And it should be clear that you may ask anything, but if I find it too personal, I reserve the right to decline to answer. As we do this, we make it clear that sexuality is a sensitive subject, and a private subject, but not a shameful one. We don t talk in the locker rooms about our exploits with our girl friend, but neither do we have to feel like a criminal or pariah if we have natural curiousity. That is how it ought to go. What our nada s did amounts to emotional incest or mind rape. If I simply want to know where sperm cells come from, a detailed explanation of intercourse and orgasm is way beyond what I m ready for. But how very like the eternal 3 year old nada s are! A 3 year old may get giggly pleasure from talking about poop or rubbing her genitals. But we gently, yet firmly teach them that these are private matters. Don t talk about your poop, just go take care of it. If you choose to rub yourself there, you need to do so in privacy and not tell folks about it. But nada, the eternal 3 year old, never learned the lesson, and at 40, or 60, has no one in authority to press the issue with them. And how very sad for them. And how tragic for us. Doug > > Yes, I think these forced sexual-intimacy-sharing behaviors go beyond normal " openness " and slide into abnormal " enmeshment " and a degenerate kind of obsessiveness. > > Its a level of intimacy that only husbands and wives would want to share with each other, seems to me, and maybe not even that much information is usually shared between husband and wife; I don't know. > > But sharing with your minor child or adult child the intimate details of your sexual life and bodily functions seems horribly inappropriate, invasive and intrusive to me. I always felt invaded, embarrassed and uncomfortable when my nada presumed to be that intimate with me and demanded a similar level of intimacy from me RE my bodily functions and whatnot. > > Its just plain icky and is yet another indicator to me of just how skewed off of healthy and normal the bpd brain is. > > Its also another indicator of how moms are held to a different and less harsh/rigid standard of behavior than dads. If a father were to confide to his barely-pubescent daughter in graphic detail the intimate sexual activities he indulges in with his wife, described his own bodily functions or dysfunctions to his daughter, and were to demand that his daughter tell him in equally graphic detail how her body is developing and her innermost sexual thoughts... well, that would be considered shockingly inappropriate and possibly even incestuous behavior coming from fada. But somehow we give good old nada a pass on that and don't call her on the carpet for being inappropriate and invasive. Double standards are still in full force, it would seem. > > -Annie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 30, 2010 Report Share Posted December 30, 2010 Spot on , Annie. Enmeshment indeed. As to the intimacy issue, I don t talk to my WIFE about my bowels. Good grief. They are truly incapable of real intimacy. I think in one sense they seek it with this sort of behaviors, and with sexual inappropriateness. Nada s delusion was the we were very close and could share and talk about anything. My take on it was, Mom is vulgar and uncouth and will talk to me or in front of me about anything. That I don t want to have the conversation was moot. Regarding sexual talk between parents and children, I think parents should, despite their reticence, talk frankly and openly about sexuality when they reach pre pubescence and begin to ask questions. They ought to cover all the bases, and there are excellent books to guide them in this dialogue. But the guiding factor ought to be the questions from the child. Open the dialogue, make it clear that you will talk with them about it, without shame, whenever they wish, and give them a safe forum to ask what they need to know. However, graphic details are needless and harmful. And it should be clear that you may ask anything, but if I find it too personal, I reserve the right to decline to answer. As we do this, we make it clear that sexuality is a sensitive subject, and a private subject, but not a shameful one. We don t talk in the locker rooms about our exploits with our girl friend, but neither do we have to feel like a criminal or pariah if we have natural curiousity. That is how it ought to go. What our nada s did amounts to emotional incest or mind rape. If I simply want to know where sperm cells come from, a detailed explanation of intercourse and orgasm is way beyond what I m ready for. But how very like the eternal 3 year old nada s are! A 3 year old may get giggly pleasure from talking about poop or rubbing her genitals. But we gently, yet firmly teach them that these are private matters. Don t talk about your poop, just go take care of it. If you choose to rub yourself there, you need to do so in privacy and not tell folks about it. But nada, the eternal 3 year old, never learned the lesson, and at 40, or 60, has no one in authority to press the issue with them. And how very sad for them. And how tragic for us. Doug > > Yes, I think these forced sexual-intimacy-sharing behaviors go beyond normal " openness " and slide into abnormal " enmeshment " and a degenerate kind of obsessiveness. > > Its a level of intimacy that only husbands and wives would want to share with each other, seems to me, and maybe not even that much information is usually shared between husband and wife; I don't know. > > But sharing with your minor child or adult child the intimate details of your sexual life and bodily functions seems horribly inappropriate, invasive and intrusive to me. I always felt invaded, embarrassed and uncomfortable when my nada presumed to be that intimate with me and demanded a similar level of intimacy from me RE my bodily functions and whatnot. > > Its just plain icky and is yet another indicator to me of just how skewed off of healthy and normal the bpd brain is. > > Its also another indicator of how moms are held to a different and less harsh/rigid standard of behavior than dads. If a father were to confide to his barely-pubescent daughter in graphic detail the intimate sexual activities he indulges in with his wife, described his own bodily functions or dysfunctions to his daughter, and were to demand that his daughter tell him in equally graphic detail how her body is developing and her innermost sexual thoughts... well, that would be considered shockingly inappropriate and possibly even incestuous behavior coming from fada. But somehow we give good old nada a pass on that and don't call her on the carpet for being inappropriate and invasive. Double standards are still in full force, it would seem. > > -Annie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 30, 2010 Report Share Posted December 30, 2010 Spot on , Annie. Enmeshment indeed. As to the intimacy issue, I don t talk to my WIFE about my bowels. Good grief. They are truly incapable of real intimacy. I think in one sense they seek it with this sort of behaviors, and with sexual inappropriateness. Nada s delusion was the we were very close and could share and talk about anything. My take on it was, Mom is vulgar and uncouth and will talk to me or in front of me about anything. That I don t want to have the conversation was moot. Regarding sexual talk between parents and children, I think parents should, despite their reticence, talk frankly and openly about sexuality when they reach pre pubescence and begin to ask questions. They ought to cover all the bases, and there are excellent books to guide them in this dialogue. But the guiding factor ought to be the questions from the child. Open the dialogue, make it clear that you will talk with them about it, without shame, whenever they wish, and give them a safe forum to ask what they need to know. However, graphic details are needless and harmful. And it should be clear that you may ask anything, but if I find it too personal, I reserve the right to decline to answer. As we do this, we make it clear that sexuality is a sensitive subject, and a private subject, but not a shameful one. We don t talk in the locker rooms about our exploits with our girl friend, but neither do we have to feel like a criminal or pariah if we have natural curiousity. That is how it ought to go. What our nada s did amounts to emotional incest or mind rape. If I simply want to know where sperm cells come from, a detailed explanation of intercourse and orgasm is way beyond what I m ready for. But how very like the eternal 3 year old nada s are! A 3 year old may get giggly pleasure from talking about poop or rubbing her genitals. But we gently, yet firmly teach them that these are private matters. Don t talk about your poop, just go take care of it. If you choose to rub yourself there, you need to do so in privacy and not tell folks about it. But nada, the eternal 3 year old, never learned the lesson, and at 40, or 60, has no one in authority to press the issue with them. And how very sad for them. And how tragic for us. Doug > > Yes, I think these forced sexual-intimacy-sharing behaviors go beyond normal " openness " and slide into abnormal " enmeshment " and a degenerate kind of obsessiveness. > > Its a level of intimacy that only husbands and wives would want to share with each other, seems to me, and maybe not even that much information is usually shared between husband and wife; I don't know. > > But sharing with your minor child or adult child the intimate details of your sexual life and bodily functions seems horribly inappropriate, invasive and intrusive to me. I always felt invaded, embarrassed and uncomfortable when my nada presumed to be that intimate with me and demanded a similar level of intimacy from me RE my bodily functions and whatnot. > > Its just plain icky and is yet another indicator to me of just how skewed off of healthy and normal the bpd brain is. > > Its also another indicator of how moms are held to a different and less harsh/rigid standard of behavior than dads. If a father were to confide to his barely-pubescent daughter in graphic detail the intimate sexual activities he indulges in with his wife, described his own bodily functions or dysfunctions to his daughter, and were to demand that his daughter tell him in equally graphic detail how her body is developing and her innermost sexual thoughts... well, that would be considered shockingly inappropriate and possibly even incestuous behavior coming from fada. But somehow we give good old nada a pass on that and don't call her on the carpet for being inappropriate and invasive. Double standards are still in full force, it would seem. > > -Annie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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