Guest guest Posted August 22, 2011 Report Share Posted August 22, 2011 Very smart and brave and INTUITIVE post! It's HARD and scary to give up the idea that the next diet might not " cure " us of all our faults and magically turn us into someone else. And yet... what an idea that we might ALREADY be okay, just as we are! Best, Abby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2011 Report Share Posted August 22, 2011 Very smart and brave and INTUITIVE post! It's HARD and scary to give up the idea that the next diet might not " cure " us of all our faults and magically turn us into someone else. And yet... what an idea that we might ALREADY be okay, just as we are! Best, Abby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2011 Report Share Posted August 22, 2011 Very smart and brave and INTUITIVE post! It's HARD and scary to give up the idea that the next diet might not " cure " us of all our faults and magically turn us into someone else. And yet... what an idea that we might ALREADY be okay, just as we are! Best, Abby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 23, 2011 Report Share Posted August 23, 2011 This is a beautiful beautiful post that almost made me cry. Being so aware of your feelings will be so helpful. Because you ARE giving something up by doing this, and it IS really scary, but what you may be getting in return is PEACE, and man, that sounds really really good to me. Thank you for posting! Tilley > > I thought about quitting the group earlier; feeling like I'd fallen so far off the wagon that I could never get back on again. And that writing about my failures would only bring down the group... > > I remember all those OA meetings I've attended over the years with a room full of people most of whom had no abstinence whatsoever whining incessantly about their weight and their problems. What a drag to be part of a recovery group with no recovery. > > I contacted Gillian re committing to some phone coaching today and it brought up a level of diet mentality I didn't know was there. I was afraid that she would truly take food away from me forever. I know that's not what IE is, but a bunch of old thinking reared its head in anticipation of talking to someone who might be able to see through my stuff around food. > > Now I'm feeling a deep sense of loss and fear. Because if I truly commit to IE, it may mean that I will never get thin and I'll have to settle for being ok with eating and - even worse - I'll never succeed at controling my food and my weight. I'll never be what my mother wanted me to be - like her and in control. It's weird and it's crazy - but it's a new loss; giving up on the ideal of dieting actually working some day. Finally I'd be fulfilling some unconscious contract with life and our stupid diet culture. > > There's a disequilibrium to IE, it flies in the face of all of my internalized rules for living. Whether they've ever worked or not,they've occupied my thoughts for most of my life. And a deep part of me that doesn't believe I can trust the body; how could I trust that thing? That unknown quantity that's been defying all my wishes to be thin all of these years. That " not me " I've been covering up with layered outfits all this time, waiting to unveil myself when I finally " lost the weight " ! > > So... well that's where I am today. Over full because I was afraid of someone taking my food away; and readying to take a leap into an unknown realm where I don't get to bring along a carbohydrate counter, a scale, a food plan and a program that would find me xxx months down the road and xxx pounds lighter! > > Instead, I am girding my loins to exchange my life-long dream weight and size for an unknown size, an unknowable weight and trust in a body that feels more like foe than friend. > > Kinda scary I must say. Back to basics though - eat when I'm hungry.... trust that hunger will come and won't kill me... stop when I'm full... and trust that stopping when I'm full won't leave a life so empty I won't know what to do with myself... and make peace with not being in control of the outcome because obviously I never was anyway. Drat! > > One day at a time. One hunger pang at a time. One signal of being full/sated at a time. Something like that. > > Time for bed. Now, I feel angry. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 23, 2011 Report Share Posted August 23, 2011 This is a beautiful beautiful post that almost made me cry. Being so aware of your feelings will be so helpful. Because you ARE giving something up by doing this, and it IS really scary, but what you may be getting in return is PEACE, and man, that sounds really really good to me. Thank you for posting! Tilley > > I thought about quitting the group earlier; feeling like I'd fallen so far off the wagon that I could never get back on again. And that writing about my failures would only bring down the group... > > I remember all those OA meetings I've attended over the years with a room full of people most of whom had no abstinence whatsoever whining incessantly about their weight and their problems. What a drag to be part of a recovery group with no recovery. > > I contacted Gillian re committing to some phone coaching today and it brought up a level of diet mentality I didn't know was there. I was afraid that she would truly take food away from me forever. I know that's not what IE is, but a bunch of old thinking reared its head in anticipation of talking to someone who might be able to see through my stuff around food. > > Now I'm feeling a deep sense of loss and fear. Because if I truly commit to IE, it may mean that I will never get thin and I'll have to settle for being ok with eating and - even worse - I'll never succeed at controling my food and my weight. I'll never be what my mother wanted me to be - like her and in control. It's weird and it's crazy - but it's a new loss; giving up on the ideal of dieting actually working some day. Finally I'd be fulfilling some unconscious contract with life and our stupid diet culture. > > There's a disequilibrium to IE, it flies in the face of all of my internalized rules for living. Whether they've ever worked or not,they've occupied my thoughts for most of my life. And a deep part of me that doesn't believe I can trust the body; how could I trust that thing? That unknown quantity that's been defying all my wishes to be thin all of these years. That " not me " I've been covering up with layered outfits all this time, waiting to unveil myself when I finally " lost the weight " ! > > So... well that's where I am today. Over full because I was afraid of someone taking my food away; and readying to take a leap into an unknown realm where I don't get to bring along a carbohydrate counter, a scale, a food plan and a program that would find me xxx months down the road and xxx pounds lighter! > > Instead, I am girding my loins to exchange my life-long dream weight and size for an unknown size, an unknowable weight and trust in a body that feels more like foe than friend. > > Kinda scary I must say. Back to basics though - eat when I'm hungry.... trust that hunger will come and won't kill me... stop when I'm full... and trust that stopping when I'm full won't leave a life so empty I won't know what to do with myself... and make peace with not being in control of the outcome because obviously I never was anyway. Drat! > > One day at a time. One hunger pang at a time. One signal of being full/sated at a time. Something like that. > > Time for bed. Now, I feel angry. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 23, 2011 Report Share Posted August 23, 2011 This is a beautiful beautiful post that almost made me cry. Being so aware of your feelings will be so helpful. Because you ARE giving something up by doing this, and it IS really scary, but what you may be getting in return is PEACE, and man, that sounds really really good to me. Thank you for posting! Tilley > > I thought about quitting the group earlier; feeling like I'd fallen so far off the wagon that I could never get back on again. And that writing about my failures would only bring down the group... > > I remember all those OA meetings I've attended over the years with a room full of people most of whom had no abstinence whatsoever whining incessantly about their weight and their problems. What a drag to be part of a recovery group with no recovery. > > I contacted Gillian re committing to some phone coaching today and it brought up a level of diet mentality I didn't know was there. I was afraid that she would truly take food away from me forever. I know that's not what IE is, but a bunch of old thinking reared its head in anticipation of talking to someone who might be able to see through my stuff around food. > > Now I'm feeling a deep sense of loss and fear. Because if I truly commit to IE, it may mean that I will never get thin and I'll have to settle for being ok with eating and - even worse - I'll never succeed at controling my food and my weight. I'll never be what my mother wanted me to be - like her and in control. It's weird and it's crazy - but it's a new loss; giving up on the ideal of dieting actually working some day. Finally I'd be fulfilling some unconscious contract with life and our stupid diet culture. > > There's a disequilibrium to IE, it flies in the face of all of my internalized rules for living. Whether they've ever worked or not,they've occupied my thoughts for most of my life. And a deep part of me that doesn't believe I can trust the body; how could I trust that thing? That unknown quantity that's been defying all my wishes to be thin all of these years. That " not me " I've been covering up with layered outfits all this time, waiting to unveil myself when I finally " lost the weight " ! > > So... well that's where I am today. Over full because I was afraid of someone taking my food away; and readying to take a leap into an unknown realm where I don't get to bring along a carbohydrate counter, a scale, a food plan and a program that would find me xxx months down the road and xxx pounds lighter! > > Instead, I am girding my loins to exchange my life-long dream weight and size for an unknown size, an unknowable weight and trust in a body that feels more like foe than friend. > > Kinda scary I must say. Back to basics though - eat when I'm hungry.... trust that hunger will come and won't kill me... stop when I'm full... and trust that stopping when I'm full won't leave a life so empty I won't know what to do with myself... and make peace with not being in control of the outcome because obviously I never was anyway. Drat! > > One day at a time. One hunger pang at a time. One signal of being full/sated at a time. Something like that. > > Time for bed. Now, I feel angry. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 23, 2011 Report Share Posted August 23, 2011 Please note that my replies are below sections replied to. Scrolling needed ;-) Katcha > > I thought about quitting the group earlier; feeling like I'd fallen so far off the wagon that I could never get back on again. And that writing about my failures would only bring down the group... > > I remember all those OA meetings I've attended over the years with a room full of people most of whom had no abstinence whatsoever whining incessantly about their weight and their problems. What a drag to be part of a recovery group with no recovery. I like to think that is what makes this group better than all those 'programs' - whining IS allowed, mainly when it leads to insight and getting over what is frustrating one (whine cause). Plus we aren't encouraged to basically beat up on ourselves or impose EXternal dictates ONto our poor old bodies and minds. > > I contacted Gillian re committing to some phone coaching today and it brought up a level of diet mentality I didn't know was there. I was afraid that she would truly take food away from me forever. I know that's not what IE is, but a bunch of old thinking reared its head in anticipation of talking to someone who might be able to see through my stuff around food. GREAT step!! This is truly a loving thing you are doing for yourself. And I know Gillian will help you in ways you can't imagine. The rest of your post is wonderful - open and honest - and it touches me as well as I know it will connect with many others here too. You are NOT alone! I am honored to be sharing IE journeys with you. ehugs, Katcha IEing since March 2007 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 23, 2011 Report Share Posted August 23, 2011 I regret that my reply to this post is delayed. I so appreciate your honesty. I could relate to ALL of it. I am glad you are planning to stick with IE. I am finding it scary, too. The challenges are everywhere - in all shapes and sizes and forms. So may other groups, so many " solutions. " Today, I choose IE, and I am grateful. Waiting for the rumble (I needed that reminder.), , IE since 7/2011 > > I thought about quitting the group earlier; feeling like I'd fallen so far off the wagon that I could never get back on again. And that writing about my failures would only bring down the group... > > I remember all those OA meetings I've attended over the years with a room full of people most of whom had no abstinence whatsoever whining incessantly about their weight and their problems. What a drag to be part of a recovery group with no recovery. > > I contacted Gillian re committing to some phone coaching today and it brought up a level of diet mentality I didn't know was there. I was afraid that she would truly take food away from me forever. I know that's not what IE is, but a bunch of old thinking reared its head in anticipation of talking to someone who might be able to see through my stuff around food. > > Now I'm feeling a deep sense of loss and fear. Because if I truly commit to IE, it may mean that I will never get thin and I'll have to settle for being ok with eating and - even worse - I'll never succeed at controling my food and my weight. I'll never be what my mother wanted me to be - like her and in control. It's weird and it's crazy - but it's a new loss; giving up on the ideal of dieting actually working some day. Finally I'd be fulfilling some unconscious contract with life and our stupid diet culture. > > There's a disequilibrium to IE, it flies in the face of all of my internalized rules for living. Whether they've ever worked or not,they've occupied my thoughts for most of my life. And a deep part of me that doesn't believe I can trust the body; how could I trust that thing? That unknown quantity that's been defying all my wishes to be thin all of these years. That " not me " I've been covering up with layered outfits all this time, waiting to unveil myself when I finally " lost the weight " ! > > So... well that's where I am today. Over full because I was afraid of someone taking my food away; and readying to take a leap into an unknown realm where I don't get to bring along a carbohydrate counter, a scale, a food plan and a program that would find me xxx months down the road and xxx pounds lighter! > > Instead, I am girding my loins to exchange my life-long dream weight and size for an unknown size, an unknowable weight and trust in a body that feels more like foe than friend. > > Kinda scary I must say. Back to basics though - eat when I'm hungry.... trust that hunger will come and won't kill me... stop when I'm full... and trust that stopping when I'm full won't leave a life so empty I won't know what to do with myself... and make peace with not being in control of the outcome because obviously I never was anyway. Drat! > > One day at a time. One hunger pang at a time. One signal of being full/sated at a time. Something like that. > > Time for bed. Now, I feel angry. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 23, 2011 Report Share Posted August 23, 2011 I regret that my reply to this post is delayed. I so appreciate your honesty. I could relate to ALL of it. I am glad you are planning to stick with IE. I am finding it scary, too. The challenges are everywhere - in all shapes and sizes and forms. So may other groups, so many " solutions. " Today, I choose IE, and I am grateful. Waiting for the rumble (I needed that reminder.), , IE since 7/2011 > > I thought about quitting the group earlier; feeling like I'd fallen so far off the wagon that I could never get back on again. And that writing about my failures would only bring down the group... > > I remember all those OA meetings I've attended over the years with a room full of people most of whom had no abstinence whatsoever whining incessantly about their weight and their problems. What a drag to be part of a recovery group with no recovery. > > I contacted Gillian re committing to some phone coaching today and it brought up a level of diet mentality I didn't know was there. I was afraid that she would truly take food away from me forever. I know that's not what IE is, but a bunch of old thinking reared its head in anticipation of talking to someone who might be able to see through my stuff around food. > > Now I'm feeling a deep sense of loss and fear. Because if I truly commit to IE, it may mean that I will never get thin and I'll have to settle for being ok with eating and - even worse - I'll never succeed at controling my food and my weight. I'll never be what my mother wanted me to be - like her and in control. It's weird and it's crazy - but it's a new loss; giving up on the ideal of dieting actually working some day. Finally I'd be fulfilling some unconscious contract with life and our stupid diet culture. > > There's a disequilibrium to IE, it flies in the face of all of my internalized rules for living. Whether they've ever worked or not,they've occupied my thoughts for most of my life. And a deep part of me that doesn't believe I can trust the body; how could I trust that thing? That unknown quantity that's been defying all my wishes to be thin all of these years. That " not me " I've been covering up with layered outfits all this time, waiting to unveil myself when I finally " lost the weight " ! > > So... well that's where I am today. Over full because I was afraid of someone taking my food away; and readying to take a leap into an unknown realm where I don't get to bring along a carbohydrate counter, a scale, a food plan and a program that would find me xxx months down the road and xxx pounds lighter! > > Instead, I am girding my loins to exchange my life-long dream weight and size for an unknown size, an unknowable weight and trust in a body that feels more like foe than friend. > > Kinda scary I must say. Back to basics though - eat when I'm hungry.... trust that hunger will come and won't kill me... stop when I'm full... and trust that stopping when I'm full won't leave a life so empty I won't know what to do with myself... and make peace with not being in control of the outcome because obviously I never was anyway. Drat! > > One day at a time. One hunger pang at a time. One signal of being full/sated at a time. Something like that. > > Time for bed. Now, I feel angry. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 23, 2011 Report Share Posted August 23, 2011 I regret that my reply to this post is delayed. I so appreciate your honesty. I could relate to ALL of it. I am glad you are planning to stick with IE. I am finding it scary, too. The challenges are everywhere - in all shapes and sizes and forms. So may other groups, so many " solutions. " Today, I choose IE, and I am grateful. Waiting for the rumble (I needed that reminder.), , IE since 7/2011 > > I thought about quitting the group earlier; feeling like I'd fallen so far off the wagon that I could never get back on again. And that writing about my failures would only bring down the group... > > I remember all those OA meetings I've attended over the years with a room full of people most of whom had no abstinence whatsoever whining incessantly about their weight and their problems. What a drag to be part of a recovery group with no recovery. > > I contacted Gillian re committing to some phone coaching today and it brought up a level of diet mentality I didn't know was there. I was afraid that she would truly take food away from me forever. I know that's not what IE is, but a bunch of old thinking reared its head in anticipation of talking to someone who might be able to see through my stuff around food. > > Now I'm feeling a deep sense of loss and fear. Because if I truly commit to IE, it may mean that I will never get thin and I'll have to settle for being ok with eating and - even worse - I'll never succeed at controling my food and my weight. I'll never be what my mother wanted me to be - like her and in control. It's weird and it's crazy - but it's a new loss; giving up on the ideal of dieting actually working some day. Finally I'd be fulfilling some unconscious contract with life and our stupid diet culture. > > There's a disequilibrium to IE, it flies in the face of all of my internalized rules for living. Whether they've ever worked or not,they've occupied my thoughts for most of my life. And a deep part of me that doesn't believe I can trust the body; how could I trust that thing? That unknown quantity that's been defying all my wishes to be thin all of these years. That " not me " I've been covering up with layered outfits all this time, waiting to unveil myself when I finally " lost the weight " ! > > So... well that's where I am today. Over full because I was afraid of someone taking my food away; and readying to take a leap into an unknown realm where I don't get to bring along a carbohydrate counter, a scale, a food plan and a program that would find me xxx months down the road and xxx pounds lighter! > > Instead, I am girding my loins to exchange my life-long dream weight and size for an unknown size, an unknowable weight and trust in a body that feels more like foe than friend. > > Kinda scary I must say. Back to basics though - eat when I'm hungry.... trust that hunger will come and won't kill me... stop when I'm full... and trust that stopping when I'm full won't leave a life so empty I won't know what to do with myself... and make peace with not being in control of the outcome because obviously I never was anyway. Drat! > > One day at a time. One hunger pang at a time. One signal of being full/sated at a time. Something like that. > > Time for bed. Now, I feel angry. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 23, 2011 Report Share Posted August 23, 2011 A little feedback from one who has been there and gone through what you are facing. I can't tell you how long its been since I felt the fears that are pestering you at this point, but I can tell you that its been so long a time that I can't remember that beyond a vague recall. This too will pass!! Find what you want to give a go at with IE and let the diet demons slip off into fantasy land from which they came to begin with. BEST wishes and happy IE travels! Katcha IEing since March 2007 > > I regret that my reply to this post is delayed. I so appreciate your honesty. I could relate to ALL of it. I am glad you are planning to stick with IE. I am finding it scary, too. The challenges are everywhere - in all shapes and sizes and forms. So may other groups, so many " solutions. " Today, I choose IE, and I am grateful. > > Waiting for the rumble (I needed that reminder.), > , IE since 7/2011 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 23, 2011 Report Share Posted August 23, 2011 A little feedback from one who has been there and gone through what you are facing. I can't tell you how long its been since I felt the fears that are pestering you at this point, but I can tell you that its been so long a time that I can't remember that beyond a vague recall. This too will pass!! Find what you want to give a go at with IE and let the diet demons slip off into fantasy land from which they came to begin with. BEST wishes and happy IE travels! Katcha IEing since March 2007 > > I regret that my reply to this post is delayed. I so appreciate your honesty. I could relate to ALL of it. I am glad you are planning to stick with IE. I am finding it scary, too. The challenges are everywhere - in all shapes and sizes and forms. So may other groups, so many " solutions. " Today, I choose IE, and I am grateful. > > Waiting for the rumble (I needed that reminder.), > , IE since 7/2011 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 23, 2011 Report Share Posted August 23, 2011 A little feedback from one who has been there and gone through what you are facing. I can't tell you how long its been since I felt the fears that are pestering you at this point, but I can tell you that its been so long a time that I can't remember that beyond a vague recall. This too will pass!! Find what you want to give a go at with IE and let the diet demons slip off into fantasy land from which they came to begin with. BEST wishes and happy IE travels! Katcha IEing since March 2007 > > I regret that my reply to this post is delayed. I so appreciate your honesty. I could relate to ALL of it. I am glad you are planning to stick with IE. I am finding it scary, too. The challenges are everywhere - in all shapes and sizes and forms. So may other groups, so many " solutions. " Today, I choose IE, and I am grateful. > > Waiting for the rumble (I needed that reminder.), > , IE since 7/2011 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 23, 2011 Report Share Posted August 23, 2011 As far as I'm concerned, the only thing I'm giving up is the next best diet plan (which won't work). I've tried almost every diet and know they work for a while for me. And then I "go off." I don't want to be on a diet, I'm content to be as I am. I don't want to suffer by telling myself I can't eat this. No, I'm much happier asking myself if I'm really hungry. Yesssss I hope I can get thinner, but if not, I'm happy knowing that I am not on a diet, and that I am changing in regard to my relationship with food. I am more at peace with myself and food than I ever was before. Everything is legal, nothing is forbidden. I'm learning to recognize my weaknesses and points I have to work on, and I know that diets don't work. If diets did work, I'd be thin and beautiful. OK OK I'm beautiful now -- no I'm not, yes I am, no I'm not, yes I am you say. I'm ok right now, grey hair, overweight, a slight limp, yes, I'm ok. Not thin but I'm ok. I know the next best diet won't work. TaiTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Tuesday, August 23, 2011 6:56 AMSubject: Re: Stages of grief... This is a beautiful beautiful post that almost made me cry. Being so aware of your feelings will be so helpful. Because you ARE giving something up by doing this, and it IS really scary, but what you may be getting in return is PEACE, and man, that sounds really really good to me. Thank you for posting! Tilley > > I thought about quitting the group earlier; feeling like I'd fallen so far off the wagon that I could never get back on again. And that writing about my failures would only bring down the group... > > I remember all those OA meetings I've attended over the years with a room full of people most of whom had no abstinence whatsoever whining incessantly about their weight and their problems. What a drag to be part of a recovery group with no recovery. > > I contacted Gillian re committing to some phone coaching today and it brought up a level of diet mentality I didn't know was there. I was afraid that she would truly take food away from me forever. I know that's not what IE is, but a bunch of old thinking reared its head in anticipation of talking to someone who might be able to see through my stuff around food. > > Now I'm feeling a deep sense of loss and fear. Because if I truly commit to IE, it may mean that I will never get thin and I'll have to settle for being ok with eating and - even worse - I'll never succeed at controling my food and my weight. I'll never be what my mother wanted me to be - like her and in control. It's weird and it's crazy - but it's a new loss; giving up on the ideal of dieting actually working some day. Finally I'd be fulfilling some unconscious contract with life and our stupid diet culture. > > There's a disequilibrium to IE, it flies in the face of all of my internalized rules for living. Whether they've ever worked or not,they've occupied my thoughts for most of my life. And a deep part of me that doesn't believe I can trust the body; how could I trust that thing? That unknown quantity that's been defying all my wishes to be thin all of these years. That "not me" I've been covering up with layered outfits all this time, waiting to unveil myself when I finally "lost the weight"! > > So... well that's where I am today. Over full because I was afraid of someone taking my food away; and readying to take a leap into an unknown realm where I don't get to bring along a carbohydrate counter, a scale, a food plan and a program that would find me xxx months down the road and xxx pounds lighter! > > Instead, I am girding my loins to exchange my life-long dream weight and size for an unknown size, an unknowable weight and trust in a body that feels more like foe than friend. > > Kinda scary I must say. Back to basics though - eat when I'm hungry.... trust that hunger will come and won't kill me... stop when I'm full... and trust that stopping when I'm full won't leave a life so empty I won't know what to do with myself... and make peace with not being in control of the outcome because obviously I never was anyway. Drat! > > One day at a time. One hunger pang at a time. One signal of being full/sated at a time. Something like that. > > Time for bed. Now, I feel angry. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 23, 2011 Report Share Posted August 23, 2011 As far as I'm concerned, the only thing I'm giving up is the next best diet plan (which won't work). I've tried almost every diet and know they work for a while for me. And then I "go off." I don't want to be on a diet, I'm content to be as I am. I don't want to suffer by telling myself I can't eat this. No, I'm much happier asking myself if I'm really hungry. Yesssss I hope I can get thinner, but if not, I'm happy knowing that I am not on a diet, and that I am changing in regard to my relationship with food. I am more at peace with myself and food than I ever was before. Everything is legal, nothing is forbidden. I'm learning to recognize my weaknesses and points I have to work on, and I know that diets don't work. If diets did work, I'd be thin and beautiful. OK OK I'm beautiful now -- no I'm not, yes I am, no I'm not, yes I am you say. I'm ok right now, grey hair, overweight, a slight limp, yes, I'm ok. Not thin but I'm ok. I know the next best diet won't work. TaiTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Tuesday, August 23, 2011 6:56 AMSubject: Re: Stages of grief... This is a beautiful beautiful post that almost made me cry. Being so aware of your feelings will be so helpful. Because you ARE giving something up by doing this, and it IS really scary, but what you may be getting in return is PEACE, and man, that sounds really really good to me. Thank you for posting! Tilley > > I thought about quitting the group earlier; feeling like I'd fallen so far off the wagon that I could never get back on again. And that writing about my failures would only bring down the group... > > I remember all those OA meetings I've attended over the years with a room full of people most of whom had no abstinence whatsoever whining incessantly about their weight and their problems. What a drag to be part of a recovery group with no recovery. > > I contacted Gillian re committing to some phone coaching today and it brought up a level of diet mentality I didn't know was there. I was afraid that she would truly take food away from me forever. I know that's not what IE is, but a bunch of old thinking reared its head in anticipation of talking to someone who might be able to see through my stuff around food. > > Now I'm feeling a deep sense of loss and fear. Because if I truly commit to IE, it may mean that I will never get thin and I'll have to settle for being ok with eating and - even worse - I'll never succeed at controling my food and my weight. I'll never be what my mother wanted me to be - like her and in control. It's weird and it's crazy - but it's a new loss; giving up on the ideal of dieting actually working some day. Finally I'd be fulfilling some unconscious contract with life and our stupid diet culture. > > There's a disequilibrium to IE, it flies in the face of all of my internalized rules for living. Whether they've ever worked or not,they've occupied my thoughts for most of my life. And a deep part of me that doesn't believe I can trust the body; how could I trust that thing? That unknown quantity that's been defying all my wishes to be thin all of these years. That "not me" I've been covering up with layered outfits all this time, waiting to unveil myself when I finally "lost the weight"! > > So... well that's where I am today. Over full because I was afraid of someone taking my food away; and readying to take a leap into an unknown realm where I don't get to bring along a carbohydrate counter, a scale, a food plan and a program that would find me xxx months down the road and xxx pounds lighter! > > Instead, I am girding my loins to exchange my life-long dream weight and size for an unknown size, an unknowable weight and trust in a body that feels more like foe than friend. > > Kinda scary I must say. Back to basics though - eat when I'm hungry.... trust that hunger will come and won't kill me... stop when I'm full... and trust that stopping when I'm full won't leave a life so empty I won't know what to do with myself... and make peace with not being in control of the outcome because obviously I never was anyway. Drat! > > One day at a time. One hunger pang at a time. One signal of being full/sated at a time. Something like that. > > Time for bed. Now, I feel angry. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 23, 2011 Report Share Posted August 23, 2011 As far as I'm concerned, the only thing I'm giving up is the next best diet plan (which won't work). I've tried almost every diet and know they work for a while for me. And then I "go off." I don't want to be on a diet, I'm content to be as I am. I don't want to suffer by telling myself I can't eat this. No, I'm much happier asking myself if I'm really hungry. Yesssss I hope I can get thinner, but if not, I'm happy knowing that I am not on a diet, and that I am changing in regard to my relationship with food. I am more at peace with myself and food than I ever was before. Everything is legal, nothing is forbidden. I'm learning to recognize my weaknesses and points I have to work on, and I know that diets don't work. If diets did work, I'd be thin and beautiful. OK OK I'm beautiful now -- no I'm not, yes I am, no I'm not, yes I am you say. I'm ok right now, grey hair, overweight, a slight limp, yes, I'm ok. Not thin but I'm ok. I know the next best diet won't work. TaiTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Tuesday, August 23, 2011 6:56 AMSubject: Re: Stages of grief... This is a beautiful beautiful post that almost made me cry. Being so aware of your feelings will be so helpful. Because you ARE giving something up by doing this, and it IS really scary, but what you may be getting in return is PEACE, and man, that sounds really really good to me. Thank you for posting! Tilley > > I thought about quitting the group earlier; feeling like I'd fallen so far off the wagon that I could never get back on again. And that writing about my failures would only bring down the group... > > I remember all those OA meetings I've attended over the years with a room full of people most of whom had no abstinence whatsoever whining incessantly about their weight and their problems. What a drag to be part of a recovery group with no recovery. > > I contacted Gillian re committing to some phone coaching today and it brought up a level of diet mentality I didn't know was there. I was afraid that she would truly take food away from me forever. I know that's not what IE is, but a bunch of old thinking reared its head in anticipation of talking to someone who might be able to see through my stuff around food. > > Now I'm feeling a deep sense of loss and fear. Because if I truly commit to IE, it may mean that I will never get thin and I'll have to settle for being ok with eating and - even worse - I'll never succeed at controling my food and my weight. I'll never be what my mother wanted me to be - like her and in control. It's weird and it's crazy - but it's a new loss; giving up on the ideal of dieting actually working some day. Finally I'd be fulfilling some unconscious contract with life and our stupid diet culture. > > There's a disequilibrium to IE, it flies in the face of all of my internalized rules for living. Whether they've ever worked or not,they've occupied my thoughts for most of my life. And a deep part of me that doesn't believe I can trust the body; how could I trust that thing? That unknown quantity that's been defying all my wishes to be thin all of these years. That "not me" I've been covering up with layered outfits all this time, waiting to unveil myself when I finally "lost the weight"! > > So... well that's where I am today. Over full because I was afraid of someone taking my food away; and readying to take a leap into an unknown realm where I don't get to bring along a carbohydrate counter, a scale, a food plan and a program that would find me xxx months down the road and xxx pounds lighter! > > Instead, I am girding my loins to exchange my life-long dream weight and size for an unknown size, an unknowable weight and trust in a body that feels more like foe than friend. > > Kinda scary I must say. Back to basics though - eat when I'm hungry.... trust that hunger will come and won't kill me... stop when I'm full... and trust that stopping when I'm full won't leave a life so empty I won't know what to do with myself... and make peace with not being in control of the outcome because obviously I never was anyway. Drat! > > One day at a time. One hunger pang at a time. One signal of being full/sated at a time. Something like that. > > Time for bed. Now, I feel angry. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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