Frustrated with mixed feelings

[Guest guest]

I am feeling stressed out about Christmas again this year. Last year was the

first year both my nada and fada were banned from our house and we didn't go

there for Christmas or Easter (which we did do every year up until last year).

My nada of course played the victim card and acted as if I was the one being

unreasonable and made my fada believe the same. He keeps trying to convince me

to let her come to my house " just one more time. " She refuses to go to therapy

though the entire family has told her multiple times she needs to address her

bad behavior and therapy is a good resource for that. She promised two years ago

she'd go and ever since then she's been acting out continuously and no one has

ever set any consequences. My sister and I realize my fada is an enabler. She

spends every summer out of the country at her 'castle' she built which cost

thousands of thousands of dollars and says it's the " family " home but she only

uses it herself. I finally had it and confronted her about it saying " you know

that house is for you not for the family like you claim. " My fada works every

day for 12+ hours to support her spending habits and gambling. They complained

finances weren't good and she ups and buys a new luxury vehicle. She states they

want to help us financially (my husband's been out of work for some time now due

to an illness he had) and then uses money as a way to manipulate, control, buy

our relationship. She keeps saying she'll give us money if we let her come

visit. The last time she was here she caused a major disturbance - yelling,

being rude, disrespectful, negative, etc. You know all the typical BPD

behaviors...Ugh! Yet she has done NOTHING wrong. It's me who's the problem. I'm

just sick of it. I've spent so much time and money on therapy over the years. I

just started with a new therapist and think she'll be helpful as she specializes

in trauma recovery. And as you all know we have experienced some major traumas

living with BPD parents. I just keep getting this little voice in the back of my

head saying " it's Christmas...it's the season to forgive..why don't you just

invite your parents over for the day so they can see their grandson? " Then I

feel like crying. Then I feel angry. Then I feel guilty. Then I feel just plain

sad. I'm sick of this roller coaster ride. Then to make matters worse we have no

other family around who invites us over for the holidays or wishes to come over.

It's just me, my husband and son.

My sister and her husband come usually after the holiday since she spends

holidays w/ his family who's more normal and fun to be around. We have no

relatives on my husband's side who want to spend holidays with us (they always

make excuses or have other plans or plain don't invite us - his family's just

detached and also in different states anyway). This sucks.

Feeling blue,

Red

[Guest guest]

I'm sick of this roller coaster ride too. I was doing so well, setting up

boundaries, in my own mind at least, and just not too concerned about what any

of them are doing. But all it takes is just one little comment or situation to

push my buttons. Narcissistic complaints from fada about his back pain,

detailed in play-by-play specifics: " Well, I had bent over, but not all the way

to tying my shoes, you know... "

Then there's the constant worry about the " other shoe dropping " with nada

because I haven't been kissing her a$$ lately. What will she do to me and why

do I care?

The cherry on top is my son's confusing feelings about the grandnada: " Why won't

grandma come see us now that you're not paying her to babysit? She only wants

to see us if she gets paid? "

What do I say to that question??? Poor little kid.

+Coal Miner's Daughter

>Christmas...it's the season to forgive..why don't you just invite your parents

over for the day so they can see their grandson? " Then I feel like crying. Then

I feel angry. Then I feel guilty. Then I feel just plain sad. I'm sick of this

roller coaster ride.

Then to make matters worse we have no other family around who invites us over

for the holidays or wishes to come over. It's just me, my husband and son.

> Feeling blue,

> Red

>

[Guest guest]

I'm sick of this roller coaster ride too. I was doing so well, setting up

boundaries, in my own mind at least, and just not too concerned about what any

of them are doing. But all it takes is just one little comment or situation to

push my buttons. Narcissistic complaints from fada about his back pain,

detailed in play-by-play specifics: " Well, I had bent over, but not all the way

to tying my shoes, you know... "

Then there's the constant worry about the " other shoe dropping " with nada

because I haven't been kissing her a$$ lately. What will she do to me and why

do I care?

The cherry on top is my son's confusing feelings about the grandnada: " Why won't

grandma come see us now that you're not paying her to babysit? She only wants

to see us if she gets paid? "

What do I say to that question??? Poor little kid.

+Coal Miner's Daughter

>Christmas...it's the season to forgive..why don't you just invite your parents

over for the day so they can see their grandson? " Then I feel like crying. Then

I feel angry. Then I feel guilty. Then I feel just plain sad. I'm sick of this

roller coaster ride.

Then to make matters worse we have no other family around who invites us over

for the holidays or wishes to come over. It's just me, my husband and son.

> Feeling blue,

> Red

>