Re: Entry for a writing contest...help

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I totally suck at writing synopses myself (as may be evident from my

long posts here lol) but I think this is a good synopsis of the novel.

The only things I'd put a finer point on are:

--Is Donna Trenton trying to get some entity to *mandate* treatment for

her father? Because if I didn't know much about the difficulty of getting the

mentally ill into therapy,I might not get why she has to make a false

report--how would that ensure her father gets into treatment?

--- The line: " Should he cover for her or let her go to jail? " Go to jail

for what? The harassment charge?

--I'd specify in the BDP stats you provided that it affects six million

people " in the USA alone " .

--Maybe?: " Split Black attempts to paint a realistic portrayal of BPD and

to allow the reader to gain a deep and intuitive understanding of the

illness,without lecturing to them or boring them. "

I wish you the best of luck with your submission.It would be so cool if

you won that prize!

>

> Hi,

>

> I'm trying to submit my BPD novel to the Fellowship, which offers

a $10,000 prize for the best unfinished manuscript.

>

> I have to submit a synopsis of the entire novel that is less than two pages

long. How does this sound? Any suggestions to improve it? I submitted last

year and my synopsis sucked. Needless to say, I didn't make the finals.

>

> Thanks for any time anybody has! I appreciate it.

>

> --.

>

>

> For Richmond City police detective Robin, life has been an

ongoing struggle against dispiriting circumstances and bitter, hurtful people.

He'd like a wife and kids someday, but his current girlfriend is just like all

the girls he's dated before: gorgeous, but lazy and childish. Every few days

his mother calls, as angry and miserable as she's been since was a child,

trying to draw him into yet another drama with yet another third person, some of

whom doesn't even know. Work is his one oasis of competence and success.

Then his supervisor and mentor, Detective Sergeant Pride, is found

brutally murdered. Distraught, vows to find the killer of the man who'd

been like a substitute father to him, but as he starts his investigation,

himself is attacked and gravely wounded.

>

> Three months later, is finally out of the hospital and rehab. The Pride

investigation has stalled, and he's determined to pick up where he left off and

solve the case. He begins tailing a person of interest, Clay, an

informer of Pride's. Involved in drugs and prostitution, Clay preys on troubled

young women who have all spent time in a nearby mental hospital. finds

that Pride was a drug addict himself, who bought from Clay and was blackmailed

by him. How could he have idolized such a person? And, as and his

girlfriend barely escape another attempt on 's life, who is really closing

in on whom?

>

> In the meantime, the rest of 's life spins into a cyclone. His mother's

behavior becomes increasingly bizarre. She harasses the man who fired her from

her job and then gets arrested, and asks to intervene. 's girlfriend

gets more and more irresponsible with bills and around the house. And his

former friend and partner, Mike Little, who's working on a cold murder case

suspects is tied to the Pride murder, won't share information because he's

nursing an old grudge.

>

> The outcome of another case he's been working on helps to see things in

a different light. Donna Trenton, a woman whose abusive father has suffered

from an untreated mental illness for as long as she can remember, has made a

false report that her father tried to kill her in a last-ditch attempt to get

him into treatment. Investigating this case, finally puts a name to the

disease that's affected his mother and warped his entire childhood, and that

even now reaches malicious, invisible fingers into all of his choices and

poisons his adult life: borderline personality disorder.

>

> and Mike warily join forces and try to set a trap for Clay, even as it

becomes apparent that he is also setting one for them. After a harrowing

firefight in an abandoned house in poverty-stricken Southside, Clay is

dead, but and Mike manage to bring in Clay's accomplice and solve the Pride

murder anyway. realizes he has to break it off with his girlfriend. But

the toughest decision revolves around his mother. Should he cover for her, or

let her go to jail?

>

> Borderline personality disorder is the most common personality disorder,

affecting more than six million people and impacting the lives of an estimated

thirty million of their coworkers, friends, and family members. Split Black

attempts to paint a realistic portrayal of the illness and create a deep and

intuitive understanding of the disorder, without lecturing to or boring the

reader.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I totally suck at writing synopses myself (as may be evident from my

long posts here lol) but I think this is a good synopsis of the novel.

The only things I'd put a finer point on are:

--Is Donna Trenton trying to get some entity to *mandate* treatment for

her father? Because if I didn't know much about the difficulty of getting the

mentally ill into therapy,I might not get why she has to make a false

report--how would that ensure her father gets into treatment?

--- The line: " Should he cover for her or let her go to jail? " Go to jail

for what? The harassment charge?

--I'd specify in the BDP stats you provided that it affects six million

people " in the USA alone " .

--Maybe?: " Split Black attempts to paint a realistic portrayal of BPD and

to allow the reader to gain a deep and intuitive understanding of the

illness,without lecturing to them or boring them. "

I wish you the best of luck with your submission.It would be so cool if

you won that prize!

>

> Hi,

>

> I'm trying to submit my BPD novel to the Fellowship, which offers

a $10,000 prize for the best unfinished manuscript.

>

> I have to submit a synopsis of the entire novel that is less than two pages

long. How does this sound? Any suggestions to improve it? I submitted last

year and my synopsis sucked. Needless to say, I didn't make the finals.

>

> Thanks for any time anybody has! I appreciate it.

>

> --.

>

>

> For Richmond City police detective Robin, life has been an

ongoing struggle against dispiriting circumstances and bitter, hurtful people.

He'd like a wife and kids someday, but his current girlfriend is just like all

the girls he's dated before: gorgeous, but lazy and childish. Every few days

his mother calls, as angry and miserable as she's been since was a child,

trying to draw him into yet another drama with yet another third person, some of

whom doesn't even know. Work is his one oasis of competence and success.

Then his supervisor and mentor, Detective Sergeant Pride, is found

brutally murdered. Distraught, vows to find the killer of the man who'd

been like a substitute father to him, but as he starts his investigation,

himself is attacked and gravely wounded.

>

> Three months later, is finally out of the hospital and rehab. The Pride

investigation has stalled, and he's determined to pick up where he left off and

solve the case. He begins tailing a person of interest, Clay, an

informer of Pride's. Involved in drugs and prostitution, Clay preys on troubled

young women who have all spent time in a nearby mental hospital. finds

that Pride was a drug addict himself, who bought from Clay and was blackmailed

by him. How could he have idolized such a person? And, as and his

girlfriend barely escape another attempt on 's life, who is really closing

in on whom?

>

> In the meantime, the rest of 's life spins into a cyclone. His mother's

behavior becomes increasingly bizarre. She harasses the man who fired her from

her job and then gets arrested, and asks to intervene. 's girlfriend

gets more and more irresponsible with bills and around the house. And his

former friend and partner, Mike Little, who's working on a cold murder case

suspects is tied to the Pride murder, won't share information because he's

nursing an old grudge.

>

> The outcome of another case he's been working on helps to see things in

a different light. Donna Trenton, a woman whose abusive father has suffered

from an untreated mental illness for as long as she can remember, has made a

false report that her father tried to kill her in a last-ditch attempt to get

him into treatment. Investigating this case, finally puts a name to the

disease that's affected his mother and warped his entire childhood, and that

even now reaches malicious, invisible fingers into all of his choices and

poisons his adult life: borderline personality disorder.

>

> and Mike warily join forces and try to set a trap for Clay, even as it

becomes apparent that he is also setting one for them. After a harrowing

firefight in an abandoned house in poverty-stricken Southside, Clay is

dead, but and Mike manage to bring in Clay's accomplice and solve the Pride

murder anyway. realizes he has to break it off with his girlfriend. But

the toughest decision revolves around his mother. Should he cover for her, or

let her go to jail?

>

> Borderline personality disorder is the most common personality disorder,

affecting more than six million people and impacting the lives of an estimated

thirty million of their coworkers, friends, and family members. Split Black

attempts to paint a realistic portrayal of the illness and create a deep and

intuitive understanding of the disorder, without lecturing to or boring the

reader.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I totally suck at writing synopses myself (as may be evident from my

long posts here lol) but I think this is a good synopsis of the novel.

The only things I'd put a finer point on are:

--Is Donna Trenton trying to get some entity to *mandate* treatment for

her father? Because if I didn't know much about the difficulty of getting the

mentally ill into therapy,I might not get why she has to make a false

report--how would that ensure her father gets into treatment?

--- The line: " Should he cover for her or let her go to jail? " Go to jail

for what? The harassment charge?

--I'd specify in the BDP stats you provided that it affects six million

people " in the USA alone " .

--Maybe?: " Split Black attempts to paint a realistic portrayal of BPD and

to allow the reader to gain a deep and intuitive understanding of the

illness,without lecturing to them or boring them. "

I wish you the best of luck with your submission.It would be so cool if

you won that prize!

>

> Hi,

>

> I'm trying to submit my BPD novel to the Fellowship, which offers

a $10,000 prize for the best unfinished manuscript.

>

> I have to submit a synopsis of the entire novel that is less than two pages

long. How does this sound? Any suggestions to improve it? I submitted last

year and my synopsis sucked. Needless to say, I didn't make the finals.

>

> Thanks for any time anybody has! I appreciate it.

>

> --.

>

>

> For Richmond City police detective Robin, life has been an

ongoing struggle against dispiriting circumstances and bitter, hurtful people.

He'd like a wife and kids someday, but his current girlfriend is just like all

the girls he's dated before: gorgeous, but lazy and childish. Every few days

his mother calls, as angry and miserable as she's been since was a child,

trying to draw him into yet another drama with yet another third person, some of

whom doesn't even know. Work is his one oasis of competence and success.

Then his supervisor and mentor, Detective Sergeant Pride, is found

brutally murdered. Distraught, vows to find the killer of the man who'd

been like a substitute father to him, but as he starts his investigation,

himself is attacked and gravely wounded.

>

> Three months later, is finally out of the hospital and rehab. The Pride

investigation has stalled, and he's determined to pick up where he left off and

solve the case. He begins tailing a person of interest, Clay, an

informer of Pride's. Involved in drugs and prostitution, Clay preys on troubled

young women who have all spent time in a nearby mental hospital. finds

that Pride was a drug addict himself, who bought from Clay and was blackmailed

by him. How could he have idolized such a person? And, as and his

girlfriend barely escape another attempt on 's life, who is really closing

in on whom?

>

> In the meantime, the rest of 's life spins into a cyclone. His mother's

behavior becomes increasingly bizarre. She harasses the man who fired her from

her job and then gets arrested, and asks to intervene. 's girlfriend

gets more and more irresponsible with bills and around the house. And his

former friend and partner, Mike Little, who's working on a cold murder case

suspects is tied to the Pride murder, won't share information because he's

nursing an old grudge.

>

> The outcome of another case he's been working on helps to see things in

a different light. Donna Trenton, a woman whose abusive father has suffered

from an untreated mental illness for as long as she can remember, has made a

false report that her father tried to kill her in a last-ditch attempt to get

him into treatment. Investigating this case, finally puts a name to the

disease that's affected his mother and warped his entire childhood, and that

even now reaches malicious, invisible fingers into all of his choices and

poisons his adult life: borderline personality disorder.

>

> and Mike warily join forces and try to set a trap for Clay, even as it

becomes apparent that he is also setting one for them. After a harrowing

firefight in an abandoned house in poverty-stricken Southside, Clay is

dead, but and Mike manage to bring in Clay's accomplice and solve the Pride

murder anyway. realizes he has to break it off with his girlfriend. But

the toughest decision revolves around his mother. Should he cover for her, or

let her go to jail?

>

> Borderline personality disorder is the most common personality disorder,

affecting more than six million people and impacting the lives of an estimated

thirty million of their coworkers, friends, and family members. Split Black

attempts to paint a realistic portrayal of the illness and create a deep and

intuitive understanding of the disorder, without lecturing to or boring the

reader.

>

[Guest guest]

,

I really appreciate it. Thanks and thanks again! Every little bit of tweaking

helps.

--.

*this post has been trimmed*