OT: Phun - Why Women Are Smarter Than Men (or) False Economy

[Guest guest]

Oil Changing Instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3,000 since the last

oil change.

2) Drink a cup of coffee.

3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained

vehicle.

Money spent:

$ 20.00 for oil change

1.00 for coffee

-------

Total $ 21.00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oil Change instructions for Men:

1) Go to O' Reilly's auto parts and write a check for $50.00 for oil,

filter, kitty Litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.

2) Discover that your used oil container is full. Instead of going back

to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.

3) Open a beer and drink it.

4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7) Place drain pan under engine.

8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9) Give up and use crescent wrench.

10) Unscrew drain plug.

11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.

12) Clean up mess.

13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14) Look for oil filter wrench.

15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.

16) Beer.

17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change

tomorrow.

18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Dump in

hole in back yard.

19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.

20) Beer. - No, drank it all yesterday.

21) Walk to 7-11 convenience store; buy beer.

22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to

gasket surface.

23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

24) Remember to replace drain plug from step 11.

25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard,

along with drain plug.

27) Drink beer.

28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.

29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.

30) Drink beer.

31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.

32) Bang head on floor boards in reaction to step 31.

33) Begin cussing fit.

34) Throw wrench.

35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December

(1992) in her overabundant chest.

35) Beer

36) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood

flow.

37) Beer.

38) Beer.

39) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

40) Beer.

41) Lower car from jack stands.

42) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.

43) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during

step 23.

44) Beer.

45) Test drive car.

46) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

47) Car gets impounded.

48) Make bail: Get car from impound yard.

Money spent:

$ 50.00 Parts

25.00 Beer

75.00 Replacement set of jack stands

1,000.00 Bail

200.00 Impound and towing fee

---------

Total $1,350.00