Re: Forming Healthy Friendships... Is it hard for others too?

[Guest guest]

It's so amazing to hear that others had such similar experiences growing

up after feeling like I was the only one in the world with a crazy nada.

I loved all things girly as a kid... make-up, hair accessories, etc... I

wanted long hair more than anything in the world but nada started

chopping it off when I was a toddler and kept it super short until I was

old enough to tell the hair dresser how I wanted it cut. Nada refused

to let me shave my legs, wear make-up, pierce my ears, and so on... Like

you all have said, whatever WE wanted to enjoy and express as part of

ourselves, then be sure that Nada would forbid it. There was never any

joy in self expression with nada.

Now that I have a 2 year old daughter, and she is SO girly, I just love

to let her do her thing! Her favorite color is pink so most days she's

dressed in pink from head to toe, I even let her pick her own outfits

:-) It's such a joy to watch her grow and develop her own sense of style

and take such delight in a tube of glitter Hello Kitty chap-stick, haha!

Having grown up with a tyrant nada has made me appreciate my daughter's

individuality in a way most parents probably don't.

Here's to being ourselves :-)

> > >

> > > Wow the girly girl thing really interests me speaking of that.

Maybe I

> > > should start a new thread? So I am actually extremely girly girly,

I love

> > > pink, I wear dresses and skirts just about every day (I mean even

on

> > > Saturday, people, to take out the trash). I'm not the cupcake type

> > though, I

> > > am somewhere between classic feminine (trench coats, tailored

suits) and

> > > gothic (black, lace, fishnets etc) in my personal look.

> > >

> > > Anyway, growing up I was pretty much forced to be a tom boy. My

dad took

> > me

> > > everywhere with the boys. I shot guns. I trained herding dogs. I

hunted.

> > I

> > > fished. I hiked. I am probably a better route finder and map

reader than

> > > most men, definitly better than my 300 lb, 6 foot 5 boyfriend. As

a kid,

> > I

> > > wore boys clothes, hiking boots, tennis shoes and baseball caps

(that's

> > > about all I had). I wore jeans every day (I do not like jeans, I

like

> > > dresses by the way). My mom dressed me in army green and overalls

even

> > when

> > > I was 1 and 2 years old. She also chopped my hair off even though

I

> > begged

> > > her not too and cried and cried.

> > >

> > > So I'm guessing that this girly girl stuff is just a personality

trait.

> > I've

> > > always gotten along great with tom boy women, I totally get it

having

> > lived

> > > it myself. I just can't be that. Even talking about this now makes

me

> > feel

> > > like every single person on this list is going to hate me for

being

> > > feminine. But cognitively, i know - why would you hate me for that

any

> > more

> > > than you would hate my boyfriend for loving the color purple in

all its

> > > shades even though he's a dude. I mean, its just a personal

preference.

> > I'm

> > > not saying anyone else should wear a cute skirt and leggings to

take out

> > the

> > > trash, its just thats what I would like to wear and I'm over 21 so

I get

> > to

> > > choose.

> > >

> > > Still, experience has not held this to be true for me. My

> > ex-mother-in-law

> > > gave me the feeling she wanted to murder me when I acted feminine

just

> > > because I wore a modest amount of make-up, earrings, or little

things

> > like

> > > that .My nada - well you know that story. My boss - who is a

little cream

> > > puff of a woman, helpless act and all (I do not do the " but I'm

just a

> > girl "

> > > thing by the way) tells me I should wear pants, fusses over my

hair

> > (which

> > > is long) and criticizes my style and all that stuff.

> > >

> > > I can pretty much relate to the way a young man might feel who has

known

> > he

> > > is gay his entire life. His culture hates him for who he is.

Though being

> > > girly hardly seems like it is deserving of extreme hatred. . .

Wow, I

> > knew

> > > this was a nerve, but I don't know if I really knew how big and

raw a

> > nerve.

> > >

> > > Well, talk to me about that. I don't think its a matter of being

girly or

> > > not, I think its a matter of beiing hated for who you are on the

inside.

> > I

> > > can remember being 2 years old and wanting to wear dresses and not

being

> > > allowed to wear them.

> > >

> > > Thanks for listening guys. It's like layers of an onion, just when

I

> > think

> > > I've gotten one off, I find another.

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

" I was

> supposed to be exactly like her, "

Are all nadas like this?

Mine sure was...with absolutely everybody.

--LL.

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