Re: I totally screwed up!!!

[Guest guest]

That's ok...... We all make mistakes. Let it go. We are human beings with

limited capacity to stress. I've been in the same situation as you have and

always admitted to my child that what I did or said wasn't nice and that I was

really sorry and ask for his forgiveness. Then giving him a hug.

Don't beat up yourself.

- In WTOAdultChildren1 , " anuria67854 " wrote:

>

> (((((((CMD)))))))

>

> I think you need to be gentle with yourself. You have just undergone an

extremely stressful incident with your two small children being hospitalized,

and instead of being able to relax and have a time out for yourself in order to

decompress and regain your balance and equanimity, your foo shows up and adds to

your stress. Plus, your children are still recuperating and need your attention

and care-giving that I'm guessing is different and more intensive than they

usually need when they're physically healthy. And then on top of that, you find

out just how much the hospitalization is going to cost, which is upsetting.

>

> Sometimes even just asking for help is hard in and of itself, and then to ask

your parents for help and have them just walk off after promising to help you

!!? Well, that would really hurt *my* feelings a lot, I can tell you.

>

> So, you've been taking one hit after another in the stress department, for

days.

>

> I can handle one or two stressors at a time, but when multiple stressors come

at me from different directions, that overloads my coping ability and I break

down.

>

> I think feeling overwhelmed is normal under such circumstances, but you are

now distressed over how you dealt with feeling overwhelmed.

>

> Although it was your parents who let you down by leaving just when you were

counting on them to babysit, instead of addressing them directly about letting

you down, you let loose in a way that upset your child/children and now you feel

bad and guilty about that.

>

> I think this a good thing to bring to your psychologist for his or her input;

various coping techniques will probably be suggested for you to try, and ways

for you to be more aware of when you're reaching your coping limit.

>

> Children are resilient and forgiving, so if this happens rarely it won't do

him any harm. But if you're starting to notice a pattern of behavior in

yourself, if you have gotten into the habit of releasing your frustration and

tension by yelling at (or around) the kids and upsetting them, then, I suggest

that that's something to look into more closely.

>

> Nobody is perfect, but what counts is that we KOs care about the feelings of

our loved ones, and because we care we try to do the best we can, apologize when

we screw up, and figure out how to do better the next time. That's all any

human being can do.

>

> So, again, cut yourself some slack. You've been through the wringer.

>

> I hope that helps.

> -Annie

>

>

>

> >

> > I totally screwed up this time. I don't even want to tell you what I did.

I just acted EXACTLY like nada. But I need to talk to someone right now and

can't even speak about it out loud because the FOO is here now in the living

room playacting like everything is fine. Like always. I'm upset (as a teen I

was suicidal) with them in the other room pretending like they're just nice,

normal folks.

> >

> > Just a little trigger set me off and I vomited words all over my 8 year-old

that he should never have heard. The fada and step-nada offered to watch little

Sam so I could shower and run to the cell phone store. As soon as I got out of

the shower, Sam ran in the room to me and the FOO took off to get lunch. Left

for an hour and made me have to cancel the cell appointment.

> >

> > It wasn't that big of a deal, tiny issue in light of family history, but I

just lost control emotionally. Sam is almost 2 and difficult after the

hospital. He was hitting and biting me on the legs. I spanked his hand

and sat him in time out. But he is pretty wild from the steroid medication and

didn't settle down. I said the " f " word about 3 times in various derivations

when he busted my lip with his forehead. (You know how little kids throw their

head back when you're holding them? I had stopped trying to get ready and was

just holding him to comfort and settle things down.) was upset and

critical of me saying a bad word, of course.

> >

> > At that moment, I just let it spill. I said that Grandma and Grandpa wanted

to leave because they don't like watching Ben. I even said they only come to

visit twice a year because they are selfish. started crying, naturally, so

I realized I was being selfish and immature myself. I then attempted to explain

that they love him and care for him and that he is a good little boy. He asked

why our family is messed up and none of his grandparents visit him very much. I

told him that I can't control what they do, but that we are doing the right

thing now and I will help him when he grows up and visit as much as he wants.

> >

> > I said other things and worse before I stopped myself. I feel so guilty,

sorry and stupid. I can't believe I just hurt my little boy for no reason. He

has been upset since they came back to the house because they won't let him open

Christmas presents. He was telling me it seems like they keep coming up with

ideas to keep him from getting to open the toys. It's like this secret little

society he's trying to create with me. I think he may be reacting this way out

of fear and confusion. I feel horrible and mean inside like my own mother. I

can't change this or take it back.

> >

> > I was doing so well for so long - kind of pretending like everything is

okay. I feel that little kids should be able to believe in Santa Claus and

grandparents (even if they're not that nice). I kind of feel like I just told

him Santa isn't real. I don't know if I can ever forgive myself for putting him

through this. I should have protected him, not exposed him to the same

emotional pain I have suffered.

> >

> > I am so terribly sorry. As a human being, there is only so much I can take.

I guess after the hospital stress and finding out our insurance isn't covering

it, having the FOO in my face was just too much. I don't know what to do now.

How to help him. How to get over my own problems. I know I need counseling;

honestly, I don't know how we can afford it with the thousands in medical bills

now.

> >

> > Hoping and Praying,

> > +Coal Miner's Daughter

> >

>