Re: Would you? Could you? Write a nada obit like this?

[Guest guest]

Wow, that's worth saving.

Personally, what I plan to do and say is absolutly nothing. I don't want to

waste another breath on her.

On Wed, Dec 29, 2010 at 1:32 PM, christine.depizan <

christine.depizan@...> wrote:

>

>

> I remembered having read a brutally honest obituary that sounded totally

> like it was written for a nada,so I had a look and found it.

>

> I am,personally,tempted to write an obituary in a similar vein for my nada

> when she passes,but I really don't know if I could go through with it.I

> think I'd rather give it all over to the Universe and leave the " final word "

> on her to forces and powers greater than myself.

>

> What do you guys think of this obituary? :

>

> " Dolores Aguilar, born in 1929 in New Mexico, left us on Aug. 7, 2008.

> Dolores had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared a

> kind word or deed in her life. I speak for the majority of her family when I

> say her presence will not be missed by many, very few tears will be shed and

> there will be no lamenting over her passing.

>

>

> Her family will remember Dolores and amongst ourselves we will remember her

> in our own way, which were mostly sad and troubling times throughout the

> years. We may have some fond memories of her and perhaps we will think of

> those times, too. But I truly believe at the end of the day all of us will

> really only miss what we never had, a good and kind mother, grandmother and

> great-grandmother. I hope she is finally at peace with herself. As for the

> rest of us left behind, I hope this is the beginning of a time of healing

> and learning to be a family again.

>

>

> There will be no service, no prayers and no closure for the family she

> spent a lifetime tearing apart. We cannot come together in the end to see to

> it that her grandchildren and great-grandchildren can say their goodbyes. So

> I say here for all of us, GOODBYE MOM. "

>

> **** copied from ***

>

> http://luke173ministries.org/templates/System/details.asp?id=39548 & PID=622013

>

> ---

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Wow, that's worth saving.

Personally, what I plan to do and say is absolutly nothing. I don't want to

waste another breath on her.

On Wed, Dec 29, 2010 at 1:32 PM, christine.depizan <

christine.depizan@...> wrote:

>

>

> I remembered having read a brutally honest obituary that sounded totally

> like it was written for a nada,so I had a look and found it.

>

> I am,personally,tempted to write an obituary in a similar vein for my nada

> when she passes,but I really don't know if I could go through with it.I

> think I'd rather give it all over to the Universe and leave the " final word "

> on her to forces and powers greater than myself.

>

> What do you guys think of this obituary? :

>

> " Dolores Aguilar, born in 1929 in New Mexico, left us on Aug. 7, 2008.

> Dolores had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared a

> kind word or deed in her life. I speak for the majority of her family when I

> say her presence will not be missed by many, very few tears will be shed and

> there will be no lamenting over her passing.

>

>

> Her family will remember Dolores and amongst ourselves we will remember her

> in our own way, which were mostly sad and troubling times throughout the

> years. We may have some fond memories of her and perhaps we will think of

> those times, too. But I truly believe at the end of the day all of us will

> really only miss what we never had, a good and kind mother, grandmother and

> great-grandmother. I hope she is finally at peace with herself. As for the

> rest of us left behind, I hope this is the beginning of a time of healing

> and learning to be a family again.

>

>

> There will be no service, no prayers and no closure for the family she

> spent a lifetime tearing apart. We cannot come together in the end to see to

> it that her grandchildren and great-grandchildren can say their goodbyes. So

> I say here for all of us, GOODBYE MOM. "

>

> **** copied from ***

>

> http://luke173ministries.org/templates/System/details.asp?id=39548 & PID=622013

>

> ---

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Wow, that's worth saving.

Personally, what I plan to do and say is absolutly nothing. I don't want to

waste another breath on her.

On Wed, Dec 29, 2010 at 1:32 PM, christine.depizan <

christine.depizan@...> wrote:

>

>

> I remembered having read a brutally honest obituary that sounded totally

> like it was written for a nada,so I had a look and found it.

>

> I am,personally,tempted to write an obituary in a similar vein for my nada

> when she passes,but I really don't know if I could go through with it.I

> think I'd rather give it all over to the Universe and leave the " final word "

> on her to forces and powers greater than myself.

>

> What do you guys think of this obituary? :

>

> " Dolores Aguilar, born in 1929 in New Mexico, left us on Aug. 7, 2008.

> Dolores had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared a

> kind word or deed in her life. I speak for the majority of her family when I

> say her presence will not be missed by many, very few tears will be shed and

> there will be no lamenting over her passing.

>

>

> Her family will remember Dolores and amongst ourselves we will remember her

> in our own way, which were mostly sad and troubling times throughout the

> years. We may have some fond memories of her and perhaps we will think of

> those times, too. But I truly believe at the end of the day all of us will

> really only miss what we never had, a good and kind mother, grandmother and

> great-grandmother. I hope she is finally at peace with herself. As for the

> rest of us left behind, I hope this is the beginning of a time of healing

> and learning to be a family again.

>

>

> There will be no service, no prayers and no closure for the family she

> spent a lifetime tearing apart. We cannot come together in the end to see to

> it that her grandchildren and great-grandchildren can say their goodbyes. So

> I say here for all of us, GOODBYE MOM. "

>

> **** copied from ***

>

> http://luke173ministries.org/templates/System/details.asp?id=39548 & PID=622013

>

> ---

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Wow. That was brutally honest.

At first I thought that this was going to be an obit written by a nada! My

mom's mom is a nutter. Maybe BPD. Don't know, never met the woman. But when

mom's dad died, one of mom's siblings cut out the obit in the paper and

mailed it to her with a kind note:

* L. Salyer*, Lt. Col.USAF (retired), Veterinarian Doctor, at age 61,

of Ames, Iowa, died Tuesday, August 19, 2003 due to complication of cancer.

Graveside services will be held at the National Cemetery in Santa Fe, N.M.

He is survived by his wife, and HHS 1960 classmate Gayle (Atkisson); his

mother, Bernice; two children; and four grandchildren.

It coutned only my mom's brother and sister, and two kids each. No mention

of my mom's 6 kids.

I wonder how I could write an obit for my fada? Not likely, my brother the

golden child, or my mom would write a really nice mushy one. But at least I

can daydream, right?

On Wed, Dec 29, 2010 at 3:47 PM, Girlscout Cowboy <

girlscout.cowboy@...> wrote:

> Wow, that's worth saving.

>

> Personally, what I plan to do and say is absolutly nothing. I don't want to

> waste another breath on her.

>

> On Wed, Dec 29, 2010 at 1:32 PM, christine.depizan <

> christine.depizan@...> wrote:

>

> >

> >

> > I remembered having read a brutally honest obituary that sounded totally

> > like it was written for a nada,so I had a look and found it.

> >

> > I am,personally,tempted to write an obituary in a similar vein for my

> nada

> > when she passes,but I really don't know if I could go through with it.I

> > think I'd rather give it all over to the Universe and leave the " final

> word "

> > on her to forces and powers greater than myself.

> >

> > What do you guys think of this obituary? :

> >

> > " Dolores Aguilar, born in 1929 in New Mexico, left us on Aug. 7, 2008.

> > Dolores had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared

> a

> > kind word or deed in her life. I speak for the majority of her family

> when I

> > say her presence will not be missed by many, very few tears will be shed

> and

> > there will be no lamenting over her passing.

> >

> >

> > Her family will remember Dolores and amongst ourselves we will remember

> her

> > in our own way, which were mostly sad and troubling times throughout the

> > years. We may have some fond memories of her and perhaps we will think of

> > those times, too. But I truly believe at the end of the day all of us

> will

> > really only miss what we never had, a good and kind mother, grandmother

> and

> > great-grandmother. I hope she is finally at peace with herself. As for

> the

> > rest of us left behind, I hope this is the beginning of a time of healing

> > and learning to be a family again.

> >

> >

> > There will be no service, no prayers and no closure for the family she

> > spent a lifetime tearing apart. We cannot come together in the end to see

> to

> > it that her grandchildren and great-grandchildren can say their goodbyes.

> So

> > I say here for all of us, GOODBYE MOM. "

> >

> > **** copied from ***

> >

> >

> http://luke173ministries.org/templates/System/details.asp?id=39548 & PID=622013

> >

> > ---

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I don't think I could be capable of writing one, otherwise it would start " ding

dong the witch is dead.... "

>

> I remembered having read a brutally honest obituary that sounded totally like

it was written for a nada,so I had a look and found it.

>

> I am,personally,tempted to write an obituary in a similar vein for my nada

when she passes,but I really don't know if I could go through with it.I think

I'd rather give it all over to the Universe and leave the " final word " on her to

forces and powers greater than myself.

>

> What do you guys think of this obituary? :

>

> " Dolores Aguilar, born in 1929 in New Mexico, left us on Aug. 7, 2008.

Dolores had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared a kind

word or deed in her life. I speak for the majority of her family when I say her

presence will not be missed by many, very few tears will be shed and there will

be no lamenting over her passing.

>

>

> Her family will remember Dolores and amongst ourselves we will remember her in

our own way, which were mostly sad and troubling times throughout the years. We

may have some fond memories of her and perhaps we will think of those times,

too. But I truly believe at the end of the day all of us will really only miss

what we never had, a good and kind mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. I

hope she is finally at peace with herself. As for the rest of us left behind, I

hope this is the beginning of a time of healing and learning to be a family

again.

>

>

> There will be no service, no prayers and no closure for the family she spent a

lifetime tearing apart. We cannot come together in the end to see to it that her

grandchildren and great-grandchildren can say their goodbyes. So I say here for

all of us, GOODBYE MOM. "

>

> **** copied from ***

> http://luke173ministries.org/templates/System/details.asp?id=39548 & PID=622013

>

> ---

>

[Guest guest]

I remember this one too! Its truly awesome, and I wish I had the courage to

submit it to the papers (or something very similar) when my nada passes away,

but, I don't think I have the guts. Definitely gets shared with Sister, though.

-Annie

>

> I remembered having read a brutally honest obituary that sounded totally like

it was written for a nada,so I had a look and found it.

>

> I am,personally,tempted to write an obituary in a similar vein for my nada

when she passes,but I really don't know if I could go through with it.I think

I'd rather give it all over to the Universe and leave the " final word " on her to

forces and powers greater than myself.

>

> What do you guys think of this obituary? :

>

> " Dolores Aguilar, born in 1929 in New Mexico, left us on Aug. 7, 2008.

Dolores had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared a kind

word or deed in her life. I speak for the majority of her family when I say her

presence will not be missed by many, very few tears will be shed and there will

be no lamenting over her passing.

>

>

> Her family will remember Dolores and amongst ourselves we will remember her in

our own way, which were mostly sad and troubling times throughout the years. We

may have some fond memories of her and perhaps we will think of those times,

too. But I truly believe at the end of the day all of us will really only miss

what we never had, a good and kind mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. I

hope she is finally at peace with herself. As for the rest of us left behind, I

hope this is the beginning of a time of healing and learning to be a family

again.

>

>

> There will be no service, no prayers and no closure for the family she spent a

lifetime tearing apart. We cannot come together in the end to see to it that her

grandchildren and great-grandchildren can say their goodbyes. So I say here for

all of us, GOODBYE MOM. "

>

> **** copied from ***

> http://luke173ministries.org/templates/System/details.asp?id=39548 & PID=622013

>

> ---

>

[Guest guest]

Wow! That's amazing.

I wonder if I could write an obit like this . . .

I think I'd have to ask myself who is most important, how would it impact them,

and make sure I'm honoring those who deserve the honor. Which, BTW, is

certainly not nada.

Would it make your life easier or harder? Better or worse? Would it be

cleansing? Or something you will regret in 5 years? If you put yourself first

and foremost and ignore what she would/wouldn't have wanted, what would serve

YOU best?

I can't help but wondering if writing an obit like this is giving her more

importance than she deserves. Is the creed " the only way to win is not to play "

applicable here? That's a really hard question. I wish I had some profound

insight.

One thing for sure--you're right. She lived her life in such a way, this would

be completely justified. All of that socially acceptable " she was so wonderful

and let's sugar-coat who she was " would make me want to throw up.

No matter what you write, you get no judgment from me. I wish more folks would

do this, truth be known.

Blessings,

Karla

>

> I remembered having read a brutally honest obituary that sounded totally like

it was written for a nada,so I had a look and found it.

>

> I am,personally,tempted to write an obituary in a similar vein for my nada

when she passes,but I really don't know if I could go through with it.I think

I'd rather give it all over to the Universe and leave the " final word " on her to

forces and powers greater than myself.

>

> What do you guys think of this obituary? :

>

> " Dolores Aguilar, born in 1929 in New Mexico, left us on Aug. 7, 2008.

Dolores had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared a kind

word or deed in her life. I speak for the majority of her family when I say her

presence will not be missed by many, very few tears will be shed and there will

be no lamenting over her passing.

>

>

> Her family will remember Dolores and amongst ourselves we will remember her in

our own way, which were mostly sad and troubling times throughout the years. We

may have some fond memories of her and perhaps we will think of those times,

too. But I truly believe at the end of the day all of us will really only miss

what we never had, a good and kind mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. I

hope she is finally at peace with herself. As for the rest of us left behind, I

hope this is the beginning of a time of healing and learning to be a family

again.

>

>

> There will be no service, no prayers and no closure for the family she spent a

lifetime tearing apart. We cannot come together in the end to see to it that her

grandchildren and great-grandchildren can say their goodbyes. So I say here for

all of us, GOODBYE MOM. "

>

> **** copied from ***

> http://luke173ministries.org/templates/System/details.asp?id=39548 & PID=622013

>

> ---

>

[Guest guest]

Might I suggest a theraputic exercise? Lets write our nada's obituaries and

share them only with each other. Should be a similar catharsis - and the

others who read them will know the truth instead of assuming the ungrateful

brat wrote it.

On Wed, Dec 29, 2010 at 3:30 PM, kyjohnson40days

wrote:

>

>

> Wow! That's amazing.

>

> I wonder if I could write an obit like this . . .

>

> I think I'd have to ask myself who is most important, how would it impact

> them, and make sure I'm honoring those who deserve the honor. Which, BTW, is

> certainly not nada.

>

> Would it make your life easier or harder? Better or worse? Would it be

> cleansing? Or something you will regret in 5 years? If you put yourself

> first and foremost and ignore what she would/wouldn't have wanted, what

> would serve YOU best?

>

> I can't help but wondering if writing an obit like this is giving her more

> importance than she deserves. Is the creed " the only way to win is not to

> play " applicable here? That's a really hard question. I wish I had some

> profound insight.

>

> One thing for sure--you're right. She lived her life in such a way, this

> would be completely justified. All of that socially acceptable " she was so

> wonderful and let's sugar-coat who she was " would make me want to throw up.

>

> No matter what you write, you get no judgment from me. I wish more folks

> would do this, truth be known.

>

> Blessings,

> Karla

>

>

>

> >

> > I remembered having read a brutally honest obituary that sounded totally

> like it was written for a nada,so I had a look and found it.

> >

> > I am,personally,tempted to write an obituary in a similar vein for my

> nada when she passes,but I really don't know if I could go through with it.I

> think I'd rather give it all over to the Universe and leave the " final word "

> on her to forces and powers greater than myself.

> >

> > What do you guys think of this obituary? :

> >

> > " Dolores Aguilar, born in 1929 in New Mexico, left us on Aug. 7, 2008.

> Dolores had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared a

> kind word or deed in her life. I speak for the majority of her family when I

> say her presence will not be missed by many, very few tears will be shed and

> there will be no lamenting over her passing.

> >

> >

> > Her family will remember Dolores and amongst ourselves we will remember

> her in our own way, which were mostly sad and troubling times throughout the

> years. We may have some fond memories of her and perhaps we will think of

> those times, too. But I truly believe at the end of the day all of us will

> really only miss what we never had, a good and kind mother, grandmother and

> great-grandmother. I hope she is finally at peace with herself. As for the

> rest of us left behind, I hope this is the beginning of a time of healing

> and learning to be a family again.

> >

> >

> > There will be no service, no prayers and no closure for the family she

> spent a lifetime tearing apart. We cannot come together in the end to see to

> it that her grandchildren and great-grandchildren can say their goodbyes. So

> I say here for all of us, GOODBYE MOM. "

> >

> > **** copied from ***

> >

> http://luke173ministries.org/templates/System/details.asp?id=39548 & PID=622013

> >

> > ---

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Might I suggest a theraputic exercise? Lets write our nada's obituaries and

share them only with each other. Should be a similar catharsis - and the

others who read them will know the truth instead of assuming the ungrateful

brat wrote it.

On Wed, Dec 29, 2010 at 3:30 PM, kyjohnson40days

wrote:

>

>

> Wow! That's amazing.

>

> I wonder if I could write an obit like this . . .

>

> I think I'd have to ask myself who is most important, how would it impact

> them, and make sure I'm honoring those who deserve the honor. Which, BTW, is

> certainly not nada.

>

> Would it make your life easier or harder? Better or worse? Would it be

> cleansing? Or something you will regret in 5 years? If you put yourself

> first and foremost and ignore what she would/wouldn't have wanted, what

> would serve YOU best?

>

> I can't help but wondering if writing an obit like this is giving her more

> importance than she deserves. Is the creed " the only way to win is not to

> play " applicable here? That's a really hard question. I wish I had some

> profound insight.

>

> One thing for sure--you're right. She lived her life in such a way, this

> would be completely justified. All of that socially acceptable " she was so

> wonderful and let's sugar-coat who she was " would make me want to throw up.

>

> No matter what you write, you get no judgment from me. I wish more folks

> would do this, truth be known.

>

> Blessings,

> Karla

>

>

>

> >

> > I remembered having read a brutally honest obituary that sounded totally

> like it was written for a nada,so I had a look and found it.

> >

> > I am,personally,tempted to write an obituary in a similar vein for my

> nada when she passes,but I really don't know if I could go through with it.I

> think I'd rather give it all over to the Universe and leave the " final word "

> on her to forces and powers greater than myself.

> >

> > What do you guys think of this obituary? :

> >

> > " Dolores Aguilar, born in 1929 in New Mexico, left us on Aug. 7, 2008.

> Dolores had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared a

> kind word or deed in her life. I speak for the majority of her family when I

> say her presence will not be missed by many, very few tears will be shed and

> there will be no lamenting over her passing.

> >

> >

> > Her family will remember Dolores and amongst ourselves we will remember

> her in our own way, which were mostly sad and troubling times throughout the

> years. We may have some fond memories of her and perhaps we will think of

> those times, too. But I truly believe at the end of the day all of us will

> really only miss what we never had, a good and kind mother, grandmother and

> great-grandmother. I hope she is finally at peace with herself. As for the

> rest of us left behind, I hope this is the beginning of a time of healing

> and learning to be a family again.

> >

> >

> > There will be no service, no prayers and no closure for the family she

> spent a lifetime tearing apart. We cannot come together in the end to see to

> it that her grandchildren and great-grandchildren can say their goodbyes. So

> I say here for all of us, GOODBYE MOM. "

> >

> > **** copied from ***

> >

> http://luke173ministries.org/templates/System/details.asp?id=39548 & PID=622013

> >

> > ---

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Might I suggest a theraputic exercise? Lets write our nada's obituaries and

share them only with each other. Should be a similar catharsis - and the

others who read them will know the truth instead of assuming the ungrateful

brat wrote it.

On Wed, Dec 29, 2010 at 3:30 PM, kyjohnson40days

wrote:

>

>

> Wow! That's amazing.

>

> I wonder if I could write an obit like this . . .

>

> I think I'd have to ask myself who is most important, how would it impact

> them, and make sure I'm honoring those who deserve the honor. Which, BTW, is

> certainly not nada.

>

> Would it make your life easier or harder? Better or worse? Would it be

> cleansing? Or something you will regret in 5 years? If you put yourself

> first and foremost and ignore what she would/wouldn't have wanted, what

> would serve YOU best?

>

> I can't help but wondering if writing an obit like this is giving her more

> importance than she deserves. Is the creed " the only way to win is not to

> play " applicable here? That's a really hard question. I wish I had some

> profound insight.

>

> One thing for sure--you're right. She lived her life in such a way, this

> would be completely justified. All of that socially acceptable " she was so

> wonderful and let's sugar-coat who she was " would make me want to throw up.

>

> No matter what you write, you get no judgment from me. I wish more folks

> would do this, truth be known.

>

> Blessings,

> Karla

>

>

>

> >

> > I remembered having read a brutally honest obituary that sounded totally

> like it was written for a nada,so I had a look and found it.

> >

> > I am,personally,tempted to write an obituary in a similar vein for my

> nada when she passes,but I really don't know if I could go through with it.I

> think I'd rather give it all over to the Universe and leave the " final word "

> on her to forces and powers greater than myself.

> >

> > What do you guys think of this obituary? :

> >

> > " Dolores Aguilar, born in 1929 in New Mexico, left us on Aug. 7, 2008.

> Dolores had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared a

> kind word or deed in her life. I speak for the majority of her family when I

> say her presence will not be missed by many, very few tears will be shed and

> there will be no lamenting over her passing.

> >

> >

> > Her family will remember Dolores and amongst ourselves we will remember

> her in our own way, which were mostly sad and troubling times throughout the

> years. We may have some fond memories of her and perhaps we will think of

> those times, too. But I truly believe at the end of the day all of us will

> really only miss what we never had, a good and kind mother, grandmother and

> great-grandmother. I hope she is finally at peace with herself. As for the

> rest of us left behind, I hope this is the beginning of a time of healing

> and learning to be a family again.

> >

> >

> > There will be no service, no prayers and no closure for the family she

> spent a lifetime tearing apart. We cannot come together in the end to see to

> it that her grandchildren and great-grandchildren can say their goodbyes. So

> I say here for all of us, GOODBYE MOM. "

> >

> > **** copied from ***

> >

> http://luke173ministries.org/templates/System/details.asp?id=39548 & PID=622013

> >

> > ---

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

LOL,Girlscout,I *like* your sense of humor and your suggestion is brilliant!!!!

Yeah,this is going to be therapeutic...here's mine:

(going heavy on the sarcasm here,probably not what a final version would

be)

" Nicola was born in 194- and left us on ------.She had no serious

plans for her future and when her father insisted that she attend college she

chose the profession of school teacher over nursing as she wasn't interested in

taking care of others.She was voted Teacher of the Year several times but when

her former students contacted her to get advice for problems they were

having,she blew them off and on many occassions failed to return their calls.She

was only interested in her students when they could be used to make her look

good and once they were out of her classroom she couldn't be bothered with them.

Nicola was predeceased by her husband of forty years,whom she

drove to an early grave,constantly accusing him of wanting to leave her and of

not loving her and demanding that he cater to her every whim at the expense of

his own health.She is survived by a son,Bill,who was her only reason for living

and who will be unable to attend her funeral as he is presently incarcerated for

attempting to kill Nicola's other surviving child,a no good daughter named

,who Bill believes is directly responsible for their mother's death

from old age.

Nicola has no grandchildren as her son Bill married a narcissist

who does not want any children to upstage her and her daughter was

repeatedly gang raped as a child resulting in an inability to conceive and most

of her life being unable to trust men or form close relationships with

them. Nicola was very jealous of when she was a child and wanted

her to suffer and has maintained an emotionally incestuous relationship with

Bill into his adulthood.Her daughter asks that in lieu of

flowers,donations be made to a child advocacy organization.Expressions of

sympathy may be sent to Bill in care of Sing Sing Prison. "

Ok,that isn't what I'd really write for a real obituary but that was sort

of therapeutic (and somewhat amusing for me although I guess for anyone else it

would just be shudder worthy)...the problem with nada is that her shit is TOO

MUCH---I just realized I don't even know how I'd write an honest obit---how to

even say the truth without it being some gothic horror show.I'd have to tone it

down alot more.

Trying to do that was weird but enlightening.It's not as easy as I

thought...in comparison that Dolores Aguilar obituary is really well done.

>

> Might I suggest a theraputic exercise? Lets write our nada's obituaries and

> share them only with each other. Should be a similar catharsis - and the

> others who read them will know the truth instead of assuming the ungrateful

> brat wrote it.

[Guest guest]

LOL,Girlscout,I *like* your sense of humor and your suggestion is brilliant!!!!

Yeah,this is going to be therapeutic...here's mine:

(going heavy on the sarcasm here,probably not what a final version would

be)

" Nicola was born in 194- and left us on ------.She had no serious

plans for her future and when her father insisted that she attend college she

chose the profession of school teacher over nursing as she wasn't interested in

taking care of others.She was voted Teacher of the Year several times but when

her former students contacted her to get advice for problems they were

having,she blew them off and on many occassions failed to return their calls.She

was only interested in her students when they could be used to make her look

good and once they were out of her classroom she couldn't be bothered with them.

Nicola was predeceased by her husband of forty years,whom she

drove to an early grave,constantly accusing him of wanting to leave her and of

not loving her and demanding that he cater to her every whim at the expense of

his own health.She is survived by a son,Bill,who was her only reason for living

and who will be unable to attend her funeral as he is presently incarcerated for

attempting to kill Nicola's other surviving child,a no good daughter named

,who Bill believes is directly responsible for their mother's death

from old age.

Nicola has no grandchildren as her son Bill married a narcissist

who does not want any children to upstage her and her daughter was

repeatedly gang raped as a child resulting in an inability to conceive and most

of her life being unable to trust men or form close relationships with

them. Nicola was very jealous of when she was a child and wanted

her to suffer and has maintained an emotionally incestuous relationship with

Bill into his adulthood.Her daughter asks that in lieu of

flowers,donations be made to a child advocacy organization.Expressions of

sympathy may be sent to Bill in care of Sing Sing Prison. "

Ok,that isn't what I'd really write for a real obituary but that was sort

of therapeutic (and somewhat amusing for me although I guess for anyone else it

would just be shudder worthy)...the problem with nada is that her shit is TOO

MUCH---I just realized I don't even know how I'd write an honest obit---how to

even say the truth without it being some gothic horror show.I'd have to tone it

down alot more.

Trying to do that was weird but enlightening.It's not as easy as I

thought...in comparison that Dolores Aguilar obituary is really well done.

>

> Might I suggest a theraputic exercise? Lets write our nada's obituaries and

> share them only with each other. Should be a similar catharsis - and the

> others who read them will know the truth instead of assuming the ungrateful

> brat wrote it.

[Guest guest]

LOL,Girlscout,I *like* your sense of humor and your suggestion is brilliant!!!!

Yeah,this is going to be therapeutic...here's mine:

(going heavy on the sarcasm here,probably not what a final version would

be)

" Nicola was born in 194- and left us on ------.She had no serious

plans for her future and when her father insisted that she attend college she

chose the profession of school teacher over nursing as she wasn't interested in

taking care of others.She was voted Teacher of the Year several times but when

her former students contacted her to get advice for problems they were

having,she blew them off and on many occassions failed to return their calls.She

was only interested in her students when they could be used to make her look

good and once they were out of her classroom she couldn't be bothered with them.

Nicola was predeceased by her husband of forty years,whom she

drove to an early grave,constantly accusing him of wanting to leave her and of

not loving her and demanding that he cater to her every whim at the expense of

his own health.She is survived by a son,Bill,who was her only reason for living

and who will be unable to attend her funeral as he is presently incarcerated for

attempting to kill Nicola's other surviving child,a no good daughter named

,who Bill believes is directly responsible for their mother's death

from old age.

Nicola has no grandchildren as her son Bill married a narcissist

who does not want any children to upstage her and her daughter was

repeatedly gang raped as a child resulting in an inability to conceive and most

of her life being unable to trust men or form close relationships with

them. Nicola was very jealous of when she was a child and wanted

her to suffer and has maintained an emotionally incestuous relationship with

Bill into his adulthood.Her daughter asks that in lieu of

flowers,donations be made to a child advocacy organization.Expressions of

sympathy may be sent to Bill in care of Sing Sing Prison. "

Ok,that isn't what I'd really write for a real obituary but that was sort

of therapeutic (and somewhat amusing for me although I guess for anyone else it

would just be shudder worthy)...the problem with nada is that her shit is TOO

MUCH---I just realized I don't even know how I'd write an honest obit---how to

even say the truth without it being some gothic horror show.I'd have to tone it

down alot more.

Trying to do that was weird but enlightening.It's not as easy as I

thought...in comparison that Dolores Aguilar obituary is really well done.

>

> Might I suggest a theraputic exercise? Lets write our nada's obituaries and

> share them only with each other. Should be a similar catharsis - and the

> others who read them will know the truth instead of assuming the ungrateful

> brat wrote it.

[Guest guest]

LOL regarding the brother in Sing-Sing, who " blames his sister for his mother

dying of old age. "

I might try this oddly theraputic exercise as well at a later date, although at

this point I don't know if it would give me a laugh or make me cry.

-Annie

> >

> > Might I suggest a theraputic exercise? Lets write our nada's obituaries and

> > share them only with each other. Should be a similar catharsis - and the

> > others who read them will know the truth instead of assuming the ungrateful

> > brat wrote it.

>

[Guest guest]

LOL regarding the brother in Sing-Sing, who " blames his sister for his mother

dying of old age. "

I might try this oddly theraputic exercise as well at a later date, although at

this point I don't know if it would give me a laugh or make me cry.

-Annie

> >

> > Might I suggest a theraputic exercise? Lets write our nada's obituaries and

> > share them only with each other. Should be a similar catharsis - and the

> > others who read them will know the truth instead of assuming the ungrateful

> > brat wrote it.

>

[Guest guest]

WOW.... just... wow. Holy cow and more wow!

Gotta give a virtual high 5 to her family thought. At least they finally

got to have their say.

Wow.

Mia

On Wed, Dec 29, 2010 at 3:32 PM, christine.depizan <

christine.depizan@...> wrote:

>

>

> I remembered having read a brutally honest obituary that sounded totally

> like it was written for a nada,so I had a look and found it.

>

> I am,personally,tempted to write an obituary in a similar vein for my nada

> when she passes,but I really don't know if I could go through with it.I

> think I'd rather give it all over to the Universe and leave the " final word "

> on her to forces and powers greater than myself.

>

> What do you guys think of this obituary? :

>

> " Dolores Aguilar, born in 1929 in New Mexico, left us on Aug. 7, 2008.

> Dolores had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared a

> kind word or deed in her life. I speak for the majority of her family when I

> say her presence will not be missed by many, very few tears will be shed and

> there will be no lamenting over her passing.

>

>

> Her family will remember Dolores and amongst ourselves we will remember her

> in our own way, which were mostly sad and troubling times throughout the

> years. We may have some fond memories of her and perhaps we will think of

> those times, too. But I truly believe at the end of the day all of us will

> really only miss what we never had, a good and kind mother, grandmother and

> great-grandmother. I hope she is finally at peace with herself. As for the

> rest of us left behind, I hope this is the beginning of a time of healing

> and learning to be a family again.

>

>

> There will be no service, no prayers and no closure for the family she

> spent a lifetime tearing apart. We cannot come together in the end to see to

> it that her grandchildren and great-grandchildren can say their goodbyes. So

> I say here for all of us, GOODBYE MOM. "

>

> **** copied from ***

>

> http://luke173ministries.org/templates/System/details.asp?id=39548 & PID=622013

>

> ---

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I might write mine in poetic verse. nada considered herself a great poet and

planned to become a well read author some day. I think she finished all of 2

whole poems, both about how wunderful my brothers were, including the dead

one. . .

Geez.

>

>

> WOW.... just... wow. Holy cow and more wow!

>

> Gotta give a virtual high 5 to her family thought. At least they finally

> got to have their say.

>

> Wow.

>

> Mia

>

>

> On Wed, Dec 29, 2010 at 3:32 PM, christine.depizan <

> christine.depizan@... <christine.depizan%40yahoo.com>> wrote:

>

> >

> >

> > I remembered having read a brutally honest obituary that sounded

> totally

> > like it was written for a nada,so I had a look and found it.

> >

> > I am,personally,tempted to write an obituary in a similar vein for my

> nada

> > when she passes,but I really don't know if I could go through with it.I

> > think I'd rather give it all over to the Universe and leave the " final

> word "

> > on her to forces and powers greater than myself.

> >

> > What do you guys think of this obituary? :

> >

> > " Dolores Aguilar, born in 1929 in New Mexico, left us on Aug. 7, 2008.

> > Dolores had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared

> a

> > kind word or deed in her life. I speak for the majority of her family

> when I

> > say her presence will not be missed by many, very few tears will be shed

> and

> > there will be no lamenting over her passing.

> >

> >

> > Her family will remember Dolores and amongst ourselves we will remember

> her

> > in our own way, which were mostly sad and troubling times throughout the

> > years. We may have some fond memories of her and perhaps we will think of

> > those times, too. But I truly believe at the end of the day all of us

> will

> > really only miss what we never had, a good and kind mother, grandmother

> and

> > great-grandmother. I hope she is finally at peace with herself. As for

> the

> > rest of us left behind, I hope this is the beginning of a time of healing

> > and learning to be a family again.

> >

> >

> > There will be no service, no prayers and no closure for the family she

> > spent a lifetime tearing apart. We cannot come together in the end to see

> to

> > it that her grandchildren and great-grandchildren can say their goodbyes.

> So

> > I say here for all of us, GOODBYE MOM. "

> >

> > **** copied from ***

> >

> >

> http://luke173ministries.org/templates/System/details.asp?id=39548 & PID=622013

> >

> > ---

> >

> >

> >

>

>

[Guest guest]

Debated on sharing this. But, ok.

First, in my case, I felt the obit should be straightforward, born, died,

related to, service times.

I would not use such a public forum to air what this individual did, partly

because it is not the whole worlds business, and partly because other people

will be looking in the obits for news of their loved ones deaths, and it might

be a painful thing to them.

I would, and did, use a eulogy at Nada s memorial service as a way of expressing

the complex feelings her death, and life had left.

Here follows what I said , with some name and place information redacted:

NADA was born in A place in 1937. And many of you are saying already, WHERE?

Yes, its that kind of place. Look for it on the map, because it s doubtful you

I ` ve ever seen it or been there unless you were born there too. There s a

lot of green around it, and such picturesque names as Flattop Mountain, union,

and Ronceverte.

She was one generation away from the Hatfields. Yes, THE Hatfields, of

feuding fame. The stories and photographs that you may have seen on movies or

books were family gossip and yellowed black and white photos of " Grandpa

sitting in front of Uncle Ance for her. She saw flat irons heated on stoves,

butter churns, hogs heads made into mince meat, stone crocks fermenting with

home made sauerkraut.

Her family moved to the big city, when she was a girl. She grew up there,

attending school at local schools, entertaining herself roller skating at Place

removed , or rowing the boats on the pond when she took her Stepdad his lunch.

She had fond memories of a Mulberry tree she climbed, and of later marching and

playing in the band with her clarinet. These are stories and vignettes I heard

and absorbed over the course of her life, giving me a glimpse into the world as

she saw it.

Nada was twice married , first to my Dad, Name removed . I was one of the

fruits of that marriage, along with 3 siblings who never made it out of infancy.

Those losses were a thing she never got past.

She, and well, me too, also lived in the fishbowl of a pastor `s family for a

good many of those years. I often wondered how, after swimming around that bowl

anyone would choose to reenter it. I know we have a few preachers here today.

Speaking now as a former Preachers Kid, go hug your kids first chance you get.

But she did so, after her second marriage changed her name to , becoming

a United Methodist Pastor. She was very proud of the summers she spent at Duke,

learning the job, and of her identity as a Pastor. Her methods may have been

unusual or indeed , unique. But her heart was tied to that role of service.

She also spent time as a tour guide with a travel company, and made a number of

bus trips to see parts of the country far removed from her tiny town beginnings.

She had wanted for years to see New England, and finally did, in 1976. That

trip was to meet her granddaughter, my firstborn .

I d have to say one of my fondest memories of her was fudge making. Scraping and

eating everything left in the pan after she cooked a batch was one of the

rewards for being alive. She loved to write, and would send cards for occasions

that others would miss, like Wednesdays, or the first anniversary of paying off

a car. If you are sitting here, there s a good chance you got one or more of

those cards and letters over the years.

If you knew my mom, you will also know that she fought for a good portion of

her life with deep depression and emotional problems. You've likely been

touched by it or brushed up against it. For those of us who knew her, cared for

her, let our lives be a part of hers, that was a real and challenging part of

who she was. I do not mention this to judge or condemn that part of her, but

rather to acknowledge that part of the story of who she was.

In some of her better moments, she would start to say something to me and

preface it with, " Now don t think I m crazy, but

... and I d roll my eyes and do a Jack Benny ( if you re too young to know what a

Jack Benny is, ask someone with white hair, we all remember) and she would call

me a smart alek, which is true, and say I was not too big to whip, which was

not.

It made for difficult relationships, for her and for those she cared for and who

cared for her. Her emotional disorder was debilitating, and no one close to her

failed to be hurt by it. Sometimes I find myself asking, did I really do all I

could do, love all I could love, give all I could give? Hard as it was at times,

could I have made it better? But I take a solace in these words, penned by

Reinhold Neibuhr, an Evangelical pastor and theologian first half of the 20th

century.

God grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

As it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

If I surrender to His Will;

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life

And supremely happy with Him

Forever and ever in the next.

Those are good words to live by. I wish she had been happier in this life. I

believe she is supremely happy now with Christ, and for that I m grateful.

Still, I m sorry she s gone. I ll miss you Mom.

The above was my choice. I did not make some syrupy all was wonderful now that

she s gone comments, but was as clear as I could be about the complexities of

her life, and her loss.

Doug

[Guest guest]

Debated on sharing this. But, ok.

First, in my case, I felt the obit should be straightforward, born, died,

related to, service times.

I would not use such a public forum to air what this individual did, partly

because it is not the whole worlds business, and partly because other people

will be looking in the obits for news of their loved ones deaths, and it might

be a painful thing to them.

I would, and did, use a eulogy at Nada s memorial service as a way of expressing

the complex feelings her death, and life had left.

Here follows what I said , with some name and place information redacted:

NADA was born in A place in 1937. And many of you are saying already, WHERE?

Yes, its that kind of place. Look for it on the map, because it s doubtful you

I ` ve ever seen it or been there unless you were born there too. There s a

lot of green around it, and such picturesque names as Flattop Mountain, union,

and Ronceverte.

She was one generation away from the Hatfields. Yes, THE Hatfields, of

feuding fame. The stories and photographs that you may have seen on movies or

books were family gossip and yellowed black and white photos of " Grandpa

sitting in front of Uncle Ance for her. She saw flat irons heated on stoves,

butter churns, hogs heads made into mince meat, stone crocks fermenting with

home made sauerkraut.

Her family moved to the big city, when she was a girl. She grew up there,

attending school at local schools, entertaining herself roller skating at Place

removed , or rowing the boats on the pond when she took her Stepdad his lunch.

She had fond memories of a Mulberry tree she climbed, and of later marching and

playing in the band with her clarinet. These are stories and vignettes I heard

and absorbed over the course of her life, giving me a glimpse into the world as

she saw it.

Nada was twice married , first to my Dad, Name removed . I was one of the

fruits of that marriage, along with 3 siblings who never made it out of infancy.

Those losses were a thing she never got past.

She, and well, me too, also lived in the fishbowl of a pastor `s family for a

good many of those years. I often wondered how, after swimming around that bowl

anyone would choose to reenter it. I know we have a few preachers here today.

Speaking now as a former Preachers Kid, go hug your kids first chance you get.

But she did so, after her second marriage changed her name to , becoming

a United Methodist Pastor. She was very proud of the summers she spent at Duke,

learning the job, and of her identity as a Pastor. Her methods may have been

unusual or indeed , unique. But her heart was tied to that role of service.

She also spent time as a tour guide with a travel company, and made a number of

bus trips to see parts of the country far removed from her tiny town beginnings.

She had wanted for years to see New England, and finally did, in 1976. That

trip was to meet her granddaughter, my firstborn .

I d have to say one of my fondest memories of her was fudge making. Scraping and

eating everything left in the pan after she cooked a batch was one of the

rewards for being alive. She loved to write, and would send cards for occasions

that others would miss, like Wednesdays, or the first anniversary of paying off

a car. If you are sitting here, there s a good chance you got one or more of

those cards and letters over the years.

If you knew my mom, you will also know that she fought for a good portion of

her life with deep depression and emotional problems. You've likely been

touched by it or brushed up against it. For those of us who knew her, cared for

her, let our lives be a part of hers, that was a real and challenging part of

who she was. I do not mention this to judge or condemn that part of her, but

rather to acknowledge that part of the story of who she was.

In some of her better moments, she would start to say something to me and

preface it with, " Now don t think I m crazy, but

... and I d roll my eyes and do a Jack Benny ( if you re too young to know what a

Jack Benny is, ask someone with white hair, we all remember) and she would call

me a smart alek, which is true, and say I was not too big to whip, which was

not.

It made for difficult relationships, for her and for those she cared for and who

cared for her. Her emotional disorder was debilitating, and no one close to her

failed to be hurt by it. Sometimes I find myself asking, did I really do all I

could do, love all I could love, give all I could give? Hard as it was at times,

could I have made it better? But I take a solace in these words, penned by

Reinhold Neibuhr, an Evangelical pastor and theologian first half of the 20th

century.

God grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

As it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

If I surrender to His Will;

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life

And supremely happy with Him

Forever and ever in the next.

Those are good words to live by. I wish she had been happier in this life. I

believe she is supremely happy now with Christ, and for that I m grateful.

Still, I m sorry she s gone. I ll miss you Mom.

The above was my choice. I did not make some syrupy all was wonderful now that

she s gone comments, but was as clear as I could be about the complexities of

her life, and her loss.

Doug

[Guest guest]

Beautiful, Doug.

>

>

>

>

> Debated on sharing this. But, ok.

>

> First, in my case, I felt the obit should be straightforward, born, died,

> related to, service times.

>

> I would not use such a public forum to air what this individual did, partly

> because it is not the whole worlds business, and partly because other people

> will be looking in the obits for news of their loved ones deaths, and it

> might be a painful thing to them.

>

> I would, and did, use a eulogy at Nada s memorial service as a way of

> expressing the complex feelings her death, and life had left.

>

> Here follows what I said , with some name and place information redacted:

>

> NADA was born in A place in 1937. And many of you are saying already,

> WHERE? Yes, its that kind of place. Look for it on the map, because it s

> doubtful you I ` ve ever seen it or been there unless you were born there

> too. There s a lot of green around it, and such picturesque names as Flattop

> Mountain, union, and Ronceverte.

>

> She was one generation away from the Hatfields. Yes, THE Hatfields, of

> feuding fame. The stories and photographs that you may have seen on movies

> or books were family gossip and yellowed black and white photos of " Grandpa

> sitting in front of Uncle Ance for her. She saw flat irons heated on stoves,

> butter churns, hogs heads made into mince meat, stone crocks fermenting with

> home made sauerkraut.

>

> Her family moved to the big city, when she was a girl. She grew up there,

> attending school at local schools, entertaining herself roller skating at

> Place removed , or rowing the boats on the pond when she took her Stepdad

> his lunch. She had fond memories of a Mulberry tree she climbed, and of

> later marching and playing in the band with her clarinet. These are stories

> and vignettes I heard and absorbed over the course of her life, giving me a

> glimpse into the world as she saw it.

>

> Nada was twice married , first to my Dad, Name removed . I was one of the

> fruits of that marriage, along with 3 siblings who never made it out of

> infancy. Those losses were a thing she never got past.

>

> She, and well, me too, also lived in the fishbowl of a pastor `s family for

> a good many of those years. I often wondered how, after swimming around that

> bowl anyone would choose to reenter it. I know we have a few preachers here

> today. Speaking now as a former Preachers Kid, go hug your kids first chance

> you get. But she did so, after her second marriage changed her name to

> , becoming a United Methodist Pastor. She was very proud of the

> summers she spent at Duke, learning the job, and of her identity as a

> Pastor. Her methods may have been unusual or indeed , unique. But her heart

> was tied to that role of service.

>

> She also spent time as a tour guide with a travel company, and made a

> number of bus trips to see parts of the country far removed from her tiny

> town beginnings. She had wanted for years to see New England, and finally

> did, in 1976. That trip was to meet her granddaughter, my firstborn .

>

> I d have to say one of my fondest memories of her was fudge making.

> Scraping and eating everything left in the pan after she cooked a batch was

> one of the rewards for being alive. She loved to write, and would send cards

> for occasions that others would miss, like Wednesdays, or the first

> anniversary of paying off a car. If you are sitting here, there s a good

> chance you got one or more of those cards and letters over the years.

>

> If you knew my mom, you will also know that she fought for a good portion

> of her life with deep depression and emotional problems. You've likely been

> touched by it or brushed up against it. For those of us who knew her, cared

> for her, let our lives be a part of hers, that was a real and challenging

> part of who she was. I do not mention this to judge or condemn that part of

> her, but rather to acknowledge that part of the story of who she was.

>

> In some of her better moments, she would start to say something to me and

> preface it with, " Now don t think I m crazy, but

> .. and I d roll my eyes and do a Jack Benny ( if you re too young to know

> what a Jack Benny is, ask someone with white hair, we all remember) and she

> would call me a smart alek, which is true, and say I was not too big to

> whip, which was not.

>

> It made for difficult relationships, for her and for those she cared for

> and who cared for her. Her emotional disorder was debilitating, and no one

> close to her failed to be hurt by it. Sometimes I find myself asking, did I

> really do all I could do, love all I could love, give all I could give? Hard

> as it was at times, could I have made it better? But I take a solace in

> these words, penned by Reinhold Neibuhr, an Evangelical pastor and

> theologian first half of the 20th century.

>

> God grant me the serenity

> To accept the things I cannot change;

> Courage to change the things I can;

> And wisdom to know the difference.

> Living one day at a time;

> Enjoying one moment at a time;

> Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

> Taking, as He did, this sinful world

> As it is, not as I would have it;

> Trusting that He will make all things right

> If I surrender to His Will;

> So that I may be reasonably happy in this life

> And supremely happy with Him

> Forever and ever in the next.

>

> Those are good words to live by. I wish she had been happier in this life.

> I believe she is supremely happy now with Christ, and for that I m grateful.

> Still, I m sorry she s gone. I ll miss you Mom.

>

> The above was my choice. I did not make some syrupy all was wonderful now

> that she s gone comments, but was as clear as I could be about the

> complexities of her life, and her loss.

>

> Doug

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Beautiful, Doug.

>

>

>

>

> Debated on sharing this. But, ok.

>

> First, in my case, I felt the obit should be straightforward, born, died,

> related to, service times.

>

> I would not use such a public forum to air what this individual did, partly

> because it is not the whole worlds business, and partly because other people

> will be looking in the obits for news of their loved ones deaths, and it

> might be a painful thing to them.

>

> I would, and did, use a eulogy at Nada s memorial service as a way of

> expressing the complex feelings her death, and life had left.

>

> Here follows what I said , with some name and place information redacted:

>

> NADA was born in A place in 1937. And many of you are saying already,

> WHERE? Yes, its that kind of place. Look for it on the map, because it s

> doubtful you I ` ve ever seen it or been there unless you were born there

> too. There s a lot of green around it, and such picturesque names as Flattop

> Mountain, union, and Ronceverte.

>

> She was one generation away from the Hatfields. Yes, THE Hatfields, of

> feuding fame. The stories and photographs that you may have seen on movies

> or books were family gossip and yellowed black and white photos of " Grandpa

> sitting in front of Uncle Ance for her. She saw flat irons heated on stoves,

> butter churns, hogs heads made into mince meat, stone crocks fermenting with

> home made sauerkraut.

>

> Her family moved to the big city, when she was a girl. She grew up there,

> attending school at local schools, entertaining herself roller skating at

> Place removed , or rowing the boats on the pond when she took her Stepdad

> his lunch. She had fond memories of a Mulberry tree she climbed, and of

> later marching and playing in the band with her clarinet. These are stories

> and vignettes I heard and absorbed over the course of her life, giving me a

> glimpse into the world as she saw it.

>

> Nada was twice married , first to my Dad, Name removed . I was one of the

> fruits of that marriage, along with 3 siblings who never made it out of

> infancy. Those losses were a thing she never got past.

>

> She, and well, me too, also lived in the fishbowl of a pastor `s family for

> a good many of those years. I often wondered how, after swimming around that

> bowl anyone would choose to reenter it. I know we have a few preachers here

> today. Speaking now as a former Preachers Kid, go hug your kids first chance

> you get. But she did so, after her second marriage changed her name to

> , becoming a United Methodist Pastor. She was very proud of the

> summers she spent at Duke, learning the job, and of her identity as a

> Pastor. Her methods may have been unusual or indeed , unique. But her heart

> was tied to that role of service.

>

> She also spent time as a tour guide with a travel company, and made a

> number of bus trips to see parts of the country far removed from her tiny

> town beginnings. She had wanted for years to see New England, and finally

> did, in 1976. That trip was to meet her granddaughter, my firstborn .

>

> I d have to say one of my fondest memories of her was fudge making.

> Scraping and eating everything left in the pan after she cooked a batch was

> one of the rewards for being alive. She loved to write, and would send cards

> for occasions that others would miss, like Wednesdays, or the first

> anniversary of paying off a car. If you are sitting here, there s a good

> chance you got one or more of those cards and letters over the years.

>

> If you knew my mom, you will also know that she fought for a good portion

> of her life with deep depression and emotional problems. You've likely been

> touched by it or brushed up against it. For those of us who knew her, cared

> for her, let our lives be a part of hers, that was a real and challenging

> part of who she was. I do not mention this to judge or condemn that part of

> her, but rather to acknowledge that part of the story of who she was.

>

> In some of her better moments, she would start to say something to me and

> preface it with, " Now don t think I m crazy, but

> .. and I d roll my eyes and do a Jack Benny ( if you re too young to know

> what a Jack Benny is, ask someone with white hair, we all remember) and she

> would call me a smart alek, which is true, and say I was not too big to

> whip, which was not.

>

> It made for difficult relationships, for her and for those she cared for

> and who cared for her. Her emotional disorder was debilitating, and no one

> close to her failed to be hurt by it. Sometimes I find myself asking, did I

> really do all I could do, love all I could love, give all I could give? Hard

> as it was at times, could I have made it better? But I take a solace in

> these words, penned by Reinhold Neibuhr, an Evangelical pastor and

> theologian first half of the 20th century.

>

> God grant me the serenity

> To accept the things I cannot change;

> Courage to change the things I can;

> And wisdom to know the difference.

> Living one day at a time;

> Enjoying one moment at a time;

> Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

> Taking, as He did, this sinful world

> As it is, not as I would have it;

> Trusting that He will make all things right

> If I surrender to His Will;

> So that I may be reasonably happy in this life

> And supremely happy with Him

> Forever and ever in the next.

>

> Those are good words to live by. I wish she had been happier in this life.

> I believe she is supremely happy now with Christ, and for that I m grateful.

> Still, I m sorry she s gone. I ll miss you Mom.

>

> The above was my choice. I did not make some syrupy all was wonderful now

> that she s gone comments, but was as clear as I could be about the

> complexities of her life, and her loss.

>

> Doug

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ! What a doozee obit. I liked it because the writer did not sound

angry or like they were lashing out. They were just stating their truth, plain

and simple. I got the feeling they were getting their own closure by writing in

such a factual way.

For myself, I " tried it on for size " and decided that I, personally, wouldn't

write one like that. In fact, I won't be writing any obit. I prefer complete

silence. Again, for myself, I spent so many years trying to figure them out, WHY

were they treating me this way, HOW could I change myself, improve myself, so

that we could have a good relationship, that I'm DONE with any and all effort.

This well is dry. If i wrote an obit like this, the Flying Monkeys would launch

and I'd get caught up in " explaining " and " defending. " That just puts me back in

the old KO game. Nada and Fada have put such effort into " branding " me as a

kook, that the FMs are programmed to try and " change " me.

So for my part, my silence speaks louder than words. I don't say a word good or

a word bad about them. I live my life, my way, and enjoy it to the utmost. As

Wilde said, " Living well is the best revenge. " That's my take.

HOWEVER, If anybody out there wants to take a crack at a truthful obit, I

support them fully and I'd help 'em write it! :-)

AFB

> >

> > >

> > >

> > > I remembered having read a brutally honest obituary that sounded

> > totally

> > > like it was written for a nada,so I had a look and found it.

> > >

> > > I am,personally,tempted to write an obituary in a similar vein for my

> > nada

> > > when she passes,but I really don't know if I could go through with it.I

> > > think I'd rather give it all over to the Universe and leave the " final

> > word "

> > > on her to forces and powers greater than myself.

> > >

> > > What do you guys think of this obituary? :

> > >

> > > " Dolores Aguilar, born in 1929 in New Mexico, left us on Aug. 7, 2008.

> > > Dolores had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared

> > a

> > > kind word or deed in her life. I speak for the majority of her family

> > when I

> > > say her presence will not be missed by many, very few tears will be shed

> > and

> > > there will be no lamenting over her passing.

> > >

> > >

> > > Her family will remember Dolores and amongst ourselves we will remember

> > her

> > > in our own way, which were mostly sad and troubling times throughout the

> > > years. We may have some fond memories of her and perhaps we will think of

> > > those times, too. But I truly believe at the end of the day all of us

> > will

> > > really only miss what we never had, a good and kind mother, grandmother

> > and

> > > great-grandmother. I hope she is finally at peace with herself. As for

> > the

> > > rest of us left behind, I hope this is the beginning of a time of healing

> > > and learning to be a family again.

> > >

> > >

> > > There will be no service, no prayers and no closure for the family she

> > > spent a lifetime tearing apart. We cannot come together in the end to see

> > to

> > > it that her grandchildren and great-grandchildren can say their goodbyes.

> > So

> > > I say here for all of us, GOODBYE MOM. "

> > >

> > > **** copied from ***

> > >

> > >

> >

http://luke173ministries.org/templates/System/details.asp?id=39548 & PID=622013

> > >

> > > ---

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Wow, Doug. That made me cry.

Beautiful, honest, trustworthy.

You are a poet with a great heart and deeply genuine spirit.

Blessings,

Karla

>

>

>

> Debated on sharing this. But, ok.

>

> First, in my case, I felt the obit should be straightforward, born, died,

related to, service times.

>

> I would not use such a public forum to air what this individual did, partly

because it is not the whole worlds business, and partly because other people

will be looking in the obits for news of their loved ones deaths, and it might

be a painful thing to them.

>

> I would, and did, use a eulogy at Nada s memorial service as a way of

expressing the complex feelings her death, and life had left.

>

> Here follows what I said , with some name and place information redacted:

>

>

> NADA was born in A place in 1937. And many of you are saying already,

WHERE? Yes, its that kind of place. Look for it on the map, because it s

doubtful you I ` ve ever seen it or been there unless you were born there too.

There s a lot of green around it, and such picturesque names as Flattop

Mountain, union, and Ronceverte.

>

> She was one generation away from the Hatfields. Yes, THE Hatfields, of

feuding fame. The stories and photographs that you may have seen on movies or

books were family gossip and yellowed black and white photos of " Grandpa

sitting in front of Uncle Ance for her. She saw flat irons heated on stoves,

butter churns, hogs heads made into mince meat, stone crocks fermenting with

home made sauerkraut.

>

> Her family moved to the big city, when she was a girl. She grew up there,

attending school at local schools, entertaining herself roller skating at Place

removed , or rowing the boats on the pond when she took her Stepdad his lunch.

She had fond memories of a Mulberry tree she climbed, and of later marching and

playing in the band with her clarinet. These are stories and vignettes I heard

and absorbed over the course of her life, giving me a glimpse into the world as

she saw it.

>

>

> Nada was twice married , first to my Dad, Name removed . I was one of the

fruits of that marriage, along with 3 siblings who never made it out of infancy.

Those losses were a thing she never got past.

>

> She, and well, me too, also lived in the fishbowl of a pastor `s family for a

good many of those years. I often wondered how, after swimming around that bowl

anyone would choose to reenter it. I know we have a few preachers here today.

Speaking now as a former Preachers Kid, go hug your kids first chance you get.

But she did so, after her second marriage changed her name to , becoming

a United Methodist Pastor. She was very proud of the summers she spent at Duke,

learning the job, and of her identity as a Pastor. Her methods may have been

unusual or indeed , unique. But her heart was tied to that role of service.

>

> She also spent time as a tour guide with a travel company, and made a number

of bus trips to see parts of the country far removed from her tiny town

beginnings. She had wanted for years to see New England, and finally did, in

1976. That trip was to meet her granddaughter, my firstborn .

>

> I d have to say one of my fondest memories of her was fudge making. Scraping

and eating everything left in the pan after she cooked a batch was one of the

rewards for being alive. She loved to write, and would send cards for occasions

that others would miss, like Wednesdays, or the first anniversary of paying off

a car. If you are sitting here, there s a good chance you got one or more of

those cards and letters over the years.

>

>

> If you knew my mom, you will also know that she fought for a good portion of

her life with deep depression and emotional problems. You've likely been

touched by it or brushed up against it. For those of us who knew her, cared for

her, let our lives be a part of hers, that was a real and challenging part of

who she was. I do not mention this to judge or condemn that part of her, but

rather to acknowledge that part of the story of who she was.

>

> In some of her better moments, she would start to say something to me and

preface it with, " Now don t think I m crazy, but…

> .. and I d roll my eyes and do a Jack Benny ( if you re too young to know what

a Jack Benny is, ask someone with white hair, we all remember) and she would

call me a smart alek, which is true, and say I was not too big to whip, which

was not.

>

> It made for difficult relationships, for her and for those she cared for and

who cared for her. Her emotional disorder was debilitating, and no one close to

her failed to be hurt by it. Sometimes I find myself asking, did I really do

all I could do, love all I could love, give all I could give? Hard as it was at

times, could I have made it better? But I take a solace in these words,

penned by Reinhold Neibuhr, an Evangelical pastor and theologian first half of

the 20th century.

>

> God grant me the serenity

> To accept the things I cannot change;

> Courage to change the things I can;

> And wisdom to know the difference.

> Living one day at a time;

> Enjoying one moment at a time;

> Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

> Taking, as He did, this sinful world

> As it is, not as I would have it;

> Trusting that He will make all things right

> If I surrender to His Will;

> So that I may be reasonably happy in this life

> And supremely happy with Him

> Forever and ever in the next.

>

>

> Those are good words to live by. I wish she had been happier in this life. I

believe she is supremely happy now with Christ, and for that I m grateful.

Still, I m sorry she s gone. I ll miss you Mom.

>

>

> The above was my choice. I did not make some syrupy all was wonderful now

that she s gone comments, but was as clear as I could be about the complexities

of her life, and her loss.

>

>

> Doug

>

[Guest guest]

Doug,what a lovely and moving eulogy that gracefully and graciously speaks to

your nada's essential humanity.It's beautiful and heartfelt.

Me personally,I have no intention of attending my nada's funeral or

memorial service.Primarily because I believe my brother is going to be a danger

to me when nada dies based on his past threatening behavior--the only way that

would change is if he got himself into therapy,not very likely to happen since

he thinks he's fine and that I *deserve* to be punished.

Even if I did attend,there's no way I could give a eulogy for nada because

there are simply no words that could redeem the evil of her intentional

destruction of me from infancy onwards.I believe that a eulogy should be like

the one you wrote for your nada,something that highlights the good and the

living in the existence of the deceased.However,I couldn't write such a eulogy

for a mother who tried to have me killed and who allowed me to be raped,not

once,but many times--these weren't acts of negligence but deliberate attempts at

destruction.I don't think it's even possible to write a eulogy for a

psychopath,only to offer up prayers for their salvation.

Nada and I know the truth,but we are the only ones who do.Her funeral will

be attended by all the people she hoodwinked,because that was a game to her.The

people who attend her funeral will be,yet again,unwitting accomplices to her

evil: pawns to her lies,although they will believe that they are doing good to

grieve for her with their illusions.They will be " honoring " a false image,the

same false image nada intentionally used to fool others and to shield her from

exposure of what she really was: a child abuser of the worst stripe and a con

artist who delighted in fooling others.I don't like to think of peoples' good

will being misused in this way,especially not at a funeral,where it is the

sanctity of life itself that is being honored.

There will be no such sanctity at nada's funeral,only outright lies.So I

am going to stay away.

I know that even if I did write a counter obituary for her,honesty to the

lies,all that will achieve is making it worse.Nobody will want to know that

truth--it will make others feel " bad " and make me " bad " for making them feel

" bad " .

In my fantasies,the truth is a good and glorious thing that is cleansing

and purifying and unifying.In reality,the truth is often too much to the point

of almost being an assault--and although I have had to live with the unpalatable

reality of knowing what psychopathy *is* and what it *does*,I have learned time

and time again since I was a child that other people prefer not to know and if

they don't *have* to know,they will choose not to.

When I wrote that tongue in cheek " honest obituary " for nada yesterday on

here I realized that there is actually no way,for me in my circumstances with

nada,to write it in a way that would do justice to *my* suffering.And at any

rate I am not the arbiter of nada's ultimate fate.

>

>

>

> Debated on sharing this. But, ok.

>

> First, in my case, I felt the obit should be straightforward, born, died,

related to, service times.

>

> I would not use such a public forum to air what this individual did, partly

because it is not the whole worlds business, and partly because other people

will be looking in the obits for news of their loved ones deaths, and it might

be a painful thing to them.

>

> I would, and did, use a eulogy at Nada s memorial service as a way of

expressing the complex feelings her death, and life had left.

>

> Here follows what I said , with some name and place information redacted:

>

>

> NADA was born in A place in 1937. And many of you are saying already,

WHERE? Yes, its that kind of place. Look for it on the map, because it s

doubtful you I ` ve ever seen it or been there unless you were born there too.

There s a lot of green around it, and such picturesque names as Flattop

Mountain, union, and Ronceverte.

>

> She was one generation away from the Hatfields. Yes, THE Hatfields, of

feuding fame. The stories and photographs that you may have seen on movies or

books were family gossip and yellowed black and white photos of " Grandpa

sitting in front of Uncle Ance for her. She saw flat irons heated on stoves,

butter churns, hogs heads made into mince meat, stone crocks fermenting with

home made sauerkraut.

>

> Her family moved to the big city, when she was a girl. She grew up there,

attending school at local schools, entertaining herself roller skating at Place

removed , or rowing the boats on the pond when she took her Stepdad his lunch.

She had fond memories of a Mulberry tree she climbed, and of later marching and

playing in the band with her clarinet. These are stories and vignettes I heard

and absorbed over the course of her life, giving me a glimpse into the world as

she saw it.

>

>

> Nada was twice married , first to my Dad, Name removed . I was one of the

fruits of that marriage, along with 3 siblings who never made it out of infancy.

Those losses were a thing she never got past.

>

> She, and well, me too, also lived in the fishbowl of a pastor `s family for a

good many of those years. I often wondered how, after swimming around that bowl

anyone would choose to reenter it. I know we have a few preachers here today.

Speaking now as a former Preachers Kid, go hug your kids first chance you get.

But she did so, after her second marriage changed her name to , becoming

a United Methodist Pastor. She was very proud of the summers she spent at Duke,

learning the job, and of her identity as a Pastor. Her methods may have been

unusual or indeed , unique. But her heart was tied to that role of service.

>

> She also spent time as a tour guide with a travel company, and made a number

of bus trips to see parts of the country far removed from her tiny town

beginnings. She had wanted for years to see New England, and finally did, in

1976. That trip was to meet her granddaughter, my firstborn .

>

> I d have to say one of my fondest memories of her was fudge making. Scraping

and eating everything left in the pan after she cooked a batch was one of the

rewards for being alive. She loved to write, and would send cards for occasions

that others would miss, like Wednesdays, or the first anniversary of paying off

a car. If you are sitting here, there s a good chance you got one or more of

those cards and letters over the years.

>

>

> If you knew my mom, you will also know that she fought for a good portion of

her life with deep depression and emotional problems. You've likely been

touched by it or brushed up against it. For those of us who knew her, cared for

her, let our lives be a part of hers, that was a real and challenging part of

who she was. I do not mention this to judge or condemn that part of her, but

rather to acknowledge that part of the story of who she was.

>

> In some of her better moments, she would start to say something to me and

preface it with, " Now don t think I m crazy, but…

> .. and I d roll my eyes and do a Jack Benny ( if you re too young to know what

a Jack Benny is, ask someone with white hair, we all remember) and she would

call me a smart alek, which is true, and say I was not too big to whip, which

was not.

>

> It made for difficult relationships, for her and for those she cared for and

who cared for her. Her emotional disorder was debilitating, and no one close to

her failed to be hurt by it. Sometimes I find myself asking, did I really do

all I could do, love all I could love, give all I could give? Hard as it was at

times, could I have made it better? But I take a solace in these words,

penned by Reinhold Neibuhr, an Evangelical pastor and theologian first half of

the 20th century.

>

> God grant me the serenity

> To accept the things I cannot change;

> Courage to change the things I can;

> And wisdom to know the difference.

> Living one day at a time;

> Enjoying one moment at a time;

> Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

> Taking, as He did, this sinful world

> As it is, not as I would have it;

> Trusting that He will make all things right

> If I surrender to His Will;

> So that I may be reasonably happy in this life

> And supremely happy with Him

> Forever and ever in the next.

>

>

> Those are good words to live by. I wish she had been happier in this life. I

believe she is supremely happy now with Christ, and for that I m grateful.

Still, I m sorry she s gone. I ll miss you Mom.

>

>

> The above was my choice. I did not make some syrupy all was wonderful now

that she s gone comments, but was as clear as I could be about the complexities

of her life, and her loss.

>

>

> Doug

>

[Guest guest]

I agree,AFB,I think in the case of this obituary the family was able to write it

for what the situation was and to have closure with it,but that isn't possible

for many of us.

Wilde also said, " The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield

to it " but having sort of processed this obit idea by writing about it here,I

don't think I'll be yielding to this particular temptation.I don't think it

would bring me closure,just open up a can of worms.

>

> Hi ! What a doozee obit. I liked it because the writer did not sound

angry or like they were lashing out. They were just stating their truth, plain

and simple. I got the feeling they were getting their own closure by writing in

such a factual way.

>

> For myself, I " tried it on for size " and decided that I, personally, wouldn't

write one like that. In fact, I won't be writing any obit. I prefer complete

silence. Again, for myself, I spent so many years trying to figure them out, WHY

were they treating me this way, HOW could I change myself, improve myself, so

that we could have a good relationship, that I'm DONE with any and all effort.

This well is dry. If i wrote an obit like this, the Flying Monkeys would launch

and I'd get caught up in " explaining " and " defending. " That just puts me back in

the old KO game. Nada and Fada have put such effort into " branding " me as a

kook, that the FMs are programmed to try and " change " me.

>

> So for my part, my silence speaks louder than words. I don't say a word good

or a word bad about them. I live my life, my way, and enjoy it to the utmost. As

Wilde said, " Living well is the best revenge. " That's my take.

>

> HOWEVER, If anybody out there wants to take a crack at a truthful obit, I

support them fully and I'd help 'em write it! :-)

> AFB