Re: Re: The girly girl thing

[Guest guest]

Thanks Kay, honestly. This was very nicely put, and I know deep down

that you are right but part of me still struggles with reading it! It's

really crazy.

I have read the SWOE book, but don't have the workbook. Maybe I'll hop on

over to Borders today & get it. My therapist was talking about it too

because she was thinking of having fiance get it. Maybe I should get him

one too (Since he's dealing with a likely BPD ex wife)

You're right though... no, nada shouldn't win. Not to say she was never

right about anything, but even though I don't believe it... maybe she wasn't

right about this. Did I really just type that? Oy.

Mia

>

>

> Mia, I bet your outside is as pretty as your insides. I remember when I was

> in my forties and really heavy after 3 c-sections and wishing my outsides

> matched my insides. I finally did lose the weight. Some of it is just

> confidence. My college room mates and I had a reunion when I was about 53

> and we looked at pictures of ourselves in college and had no idea how hot we

> were back then. We didn't have the confidence to see ourselves as we really

> were, and I bet that is the same for you. Your elderly nursing home clients

> are just old. Laugh it off. I bet if you look at pictures of yourself from

> high school you will be amazed at how attractive you were and didn't know

> it. Remember your nada didn't like herself and she didn't want you to like

> yourself,either. Don't let her win, don't be afraid to look in the mirror,

> you are hearing her voice not yours. Take the time to like yourself and put

> on make up and fix yourself up. If you don't want to be girly be sporty. I

> know a lot of sporty girls who are not girly at all and still attractive. If

> you don't have the SOWE workbook get it, it will help. I am struggling

> through it because it is rubbing some raw nerves, but it is helping.But the

> SOWE will help you hear the difference between your voice and nada's. Don't

> be afraid to look in the mirror! At one of my weight loss classes they

> taught us you had to like the fat body that you had, before you could be

> good enough to your fat body so you would want to help it lose weight and

> become a thin body. You've got to look in the mirror and like that person

> your nada told you was ugly, keep facing her and denying nada's voice and

> replace it with your own.

> Good luck and happy new year!

> Kay

>

>

>

<http://groups.yahoo.com/;_ylc=X3oDMTJkZ2hhZWQwBF9TAzk3MzU5NzE0BGdycElkAzIzNDI3N\

DUEZ3Jwc3BJZAMxNzA1MDYxMjQ4BHNlYwNmdHIEc2xrA2dmcARzdGltZQMxMjkzODE4MjQx>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks Kay, honestly. This was very nicely put, and I know deep down

that you are right but part of me still struggles with reading it! It's

really crazy.

I have read the SWOE book, but don't have the workbook. Maybe I'll hop on

over to Borders today & get it. My therapist was talking about it too

because she was thinking of having fiance get it. Maybe I should get him

one too (Since he's dealing with a likely BPD ex wife)

You're right though... no, nada shouldn't win. Not to say she was never

right about anything, but even though I don't believe it... maybe she wasn't

right about this. Did I really just type that? Oy.

Mia

>

>

> Mia, I bet your outside is as pretty as your insides. I remember when I was

> in my forties and really heavy after 3 c-sections and wishing my outsides

> matched my insides. I finally did lose the weight. Some of it is just

> confidence. My college room mates and I had a reunion when I was about 53

> and we looked at pictures of ourselves in college and had no idea how hot we

> were back then. We didn't have the confidence to see ourselves as we really

> were, and I bet that is the same for you. Your elderly nursing home clients

> are just old. Laugh it off. I bet if you look at pictures of yourself from

> high school you will be amazed at how attractive you were and didn't know

> it. Remember your nada didn't like herself and she didn't want you to like

> yourself,either. Don't let her win, don't be afraid to look in the mirror,

> you are hearing her voice not yours. Take the time to like yourself and put

> on make up and fix yourself up. If you don't want to be girly be sporty. I

> know a lot of sporty girls who are not girly at all and still attractive. If

> you don't have the SOWE workbook get it, it will help. I am struggling

> through it because it is rubbing some raw nerves, but it is helping.But the

> SOWE will help you hear the difference between your voice and nada's. Don't

> be afraid to look in the mirror! At one of my weight loss classes they

> taught us you had to like the fat body that you had, before you could be

> good enough to your fat body so you would want to help it lose weight and

> become a thin body. You've got to look in the mirror and like that person

> your nada told you was ugly, keep facing her and denying nada's voice and

> replace it with your own.

> Good luck and happy new year!

> Kay

>

>

>

<http://groups.yahoo.com/;_ylc=X3oDMTJkZ2hhZWQwBF9TAzk3MzU5NzE0BGdycElkAzIzNDI3N\

DUEZ3Jwc3BJZAMxNzA1MDYxMjQ4BHNlYwNmdHIEc2xrA2dmcARzdGltZQMxMjkzODE4MjQx>

>

[Guest guest]

*HUGS* to you Fiona. But good for you for being able to ignore it =) Even

though I'm NC with nada, I have a hard time ignoring that. Some of her B.S.

I can, but that one I think really hit deep. Not to mention it wasn't just

her. My step dad used to make fun of me (in like a joking way but I was all

ready so wounded when he came along that it just did more damage than good)

and I was FOREVER teased throughout elementary & high school for being

" ugly/funny looking/weird/etc " by other kids.

When I was probably around 10, one little snotty boy told me " you look like

you fell off a roller coaster flat onto your face " .

Thanks kiddo. F*** you too.

Mia

>

>

> I can relate to this very much.

>

> I wasn't allowed to wear pants all the way up to 7th grade. My mother said

> pants made boys " have ideas. " it was so embarrassing to just wear skirts; my

> friends and others would constantly ask me about it.

>

> I felt like my appearance was my mother's favorite topic of conversation...

> * you have such a big nose

> * you're so fat, you'd better just accept it

> * you've got your aunt's enormous hips

>

> Always, always, always. Even now. I just ignore it.

>

[Guest guest]

I'm not sure why but I just thought of somethign my nada did. I think the

memory was triggered by you talking about her letting you wear your hair the

way you wanted. I guess it makes me wonder if anyone else has had the same

kind of experience with their nada.

She had me get my hair cut when I was in elementary school, but I'm not sure

how old I was at the time. Like many of you, it was short. I hated it!

everyone kept raving about how cute & sporty it was. I still really hated

it.

Well, the next evening she locked herself in the bathroom after dinner. I

went down stairs to play with my toys. I heard her coming down the basement

stairs and she stopped at some point and said " I have a surprise for you! "

She jumps down off the last step so I can see her... she had chopped off her

own hair and tried to style it in a similar manner to mine! I was

MORTIFIED. I looked at her and said " What did you do??!! " She said, " Don't

you know that imitation is the best form of flattery? "

It seems like every time she did something nice, there were weird & creepy

undertones to it. Like when she married my step dad. He has 3 kids.

Oh... she HATES those kids, but they have noooooo idea of all the mean &

nasty things she's said about them behind their backs! Yet, my oldest step

sis keeps trying to get me to get in touch with nada. I had to take her off

my facebook due to her persistance and not listening to my wishes

(boundaries).

Anyway, when she & step dad moved in, obviously this was horrifying for her

at Christmas time! This meant they had to spend the money on 4 kids and

split it evenly. Suddenly she felt that her daughter was getting ripped

off.... so she would give me secret presents when we were alone. IT TOTALLY

WEIRDED ME OUT!

Annie, I'm sorry you had to live through that. What the hell is it with

these nadas & fadas? Aren't you supposed to be supportive of your kids and

encourage them? Tell them the good things about them, etc? Why oh why do

they do the exact opposite? I told nada once that all I ever wanted from her

was her support... she said, " I can't afford to support you! " . *facepalm*

Nada, I did not mean financially. I mean normal, motherly emotional &

loving support. SHEESH.

Ugh. Nadas. Can't live with them. I am frankly living just fine without

mine!

Mia

On Fri, Dec 31, 2010 at 12:49 PM, anuria67854 wrote:

>

>

> I grew up hearing that nothing about the way I looked was " right " or pretty

> in both subtle ways and direct ways. The indirect way was when nada claimed

> that I looked just like her, and then would go on to denigrate and criticize

> all the parts of her (us) that were not perfect. Other times, she would

> point out my features that are like dad's, and despair over how (for

> example) unfeminine my hands are.

>

> I was never tall, slender and leggy like nada, something she was very proud

> of, which added to my feelings of inferiority and ugliness. When I was a

> small child I was " too thin " , then when I hit puberty I was " too fat. " I

> wasn't very proportional, either; rather flat-chested but with full hips.

> So, I basically grew up ashamed of my physicality and so shy I could not

> look other people in the eye, afraid that I'd see the condescending look on

> their faces that I'd see in nada's eyes.

>

> Then, in a truly alternate-universe *weird* kind of way, nada would

> sometimes decide that I was pretty and would go out of her way to buy me

> nice clothes, buy or make me prom dresses, etc. It was impossible for me to

> actually feel pretty inside, even when she'd encourage me to dress nicely

> (clothes she'd picked out for me) and she even started letting me wear my

> hair the way I wanted.

>

> The years of being made to feel ugly and repulsive had done their work;

> " ugly " was the self-image that stuck to my psyche, so I felt that when she

> tried to encourage me to dress attractively she was patronizing me and

> perhaps even setting me up to be shamed and humiliated in some way.

>

> -Annie

>

[Guest guest]

OMG I can't believe she cut her hair to be like yours because you got

compliments. That's like a scene from a thriller/horror movie.

>

>

> I just found out about BPD a couple of months ago.My sister and mother both

> have textbook BPD symptoms. I was constantly called fat even when I weighed

> 105 pounds. Constantly criticized for what I wore or what my children wore.

> I have a horrible self image. I found interesting that was said that wore

> hair in ponytail and no makeup. I am the same way. I always blamed it on the

> fact that I was put in beauty contests as a child and just didn't like

> makeup and ponytail is easy. Maybe it is deeper than that.

>

> > >

> > > I started a new thread because it seemed right & because others thought

> > > maybe it should be in a new one too.

> > >

> > > I had commented about how when I was little my nada put me in dresses &

> I

> > > would romp with the boys in the neighborhood. Finally, I got some

> pants.

> > >

> > > I think I've always been a tom boy. Part of me wants to buy pretty

> thngs,

> > > but like I said in that other post I feel really bizzare wearing them!

> As

> > > it is, I'm chubby, short and find myself completely hideous. My ex

> husband

> > > used to tell me that he thought I was that way because of nada. I do

> > > remember her telling me things like " that's really ugly when you behave

> that

> > > way " or " you're being ugly " . I also remember her picking on me about my

> > > weight as a kid. Weird thing is, when I got to high school (which was

> 8th

> > > through 12th grades where I lived), I wanted to join track with some

> > > friends. Nada refused. She also said I couldn't go to any dances or any

> > > school events until I was in 9th grade. I was so upset because all of

> my

> > > friends were going & doing things but I wasn't allowed.

> > >

> > > Sometimes I would walk to the track after school with my friends on the

> > > team. The coach was a really nice guy & had a great sense of humor. He

> > > would look at me and say " You know, short people like you make awesome

> > > distance runners! You should join track! " I wanted to so bad, so

> finally

> > > one day when he made a comment about me joining, I told him about the

> way my

> > > nada was. He said, " Ask your nada if you can attend practices & meets

> as a

> > > timer. I'll give you a stop watch. "

> > >

> > > I asked her, and she said " absolutely not " . But I was kind of

> relentless.

> > > I kept asking and getting into trouble for asking. Finally one day I

> said

> > > " I'm going to ask one last time " and low & behold she finally said

> " FINE!

> > > But you're NOT joining track until you're in 9th grade! "

> > >

> > > I was so excited! And guess what? I only timed for track meets... i was

> > > actually running & practicing with the team at practices lol. So yes,

> in

> > > 9th grade I did join. And shortly after even just practicing I started

> to

> > > slim down a lot.

> > >

> > > Even then, I was still " fat " in her eyes. I was a size 6 to 8. She

> > > constantly told me I needed to run more because I was just not thin

> enough.

> > > She would compare me to a beautiful tall & thin friend of mine who was

> on

> > > the track team and told me I needed to try & look more like her. She

> was a

> > > very down to earth girl and also dressed in jeans & comfortable things

> when

> > > at school but she was drop dead gorgeous.

> > >

> > > Maybe that's why I feel so strongly that I'm ugly. I really really mean

> it

> > > when I say that folks. I don't say it fishing for compliments, I say it

> > > because I believe it's true. It makes me feely REALLY awkward when

> someone

> > > tells me I look nice, or that I'm pretty or beautiful. I mean really

> makes

> > > me feel bad.

> > >

> > > I also have a hard time looking at myself in the mirror to put on

> makeup or

> > > fix my hair. I usually just put it in a ponytail (hey, works for most

> > > nursing students lol) and often go without makeup, even though I do

> feel

> > > slightly better about myself when I do put on makeup.

> > >

> > > I have big time self image issues. But the weird thing is, I'm pretty

> > > comfortable & happy with who I am inside. I'm ok with my personality,

> etc.

> > > I just can't stand the way that I look.

> > >

> > > I feel like I look like a man and then, at clnical one month... a

> client

> > > asked me, " Boy? Girl? " I didn't know what he was asking and I was

> helping a

> > > nurse's aid. I just smiled at him and then he looked at her & asked the

> > > same thing. She said, " No no, that's Mia, she's a girl. " I just blew it

> > > off but part of me was really hurt by that. The next month, at a

> different

> > > clinical site I had yet ANOTHER client ask me the same thing! I was

> helping

> > > her out of her wheel chair into bed and I introduced myself... " Hi Mrs.

> XXX.

> > > My name is Mia & I'm a nursing student. I'm going to help you back into

> > > bed. Is that ok? " Granted, my real name is not Mia, but my real name is

> > > not a name that could be mistaken for a man's either. She looked at me,

> > > squinted & said " Are you a man? " I just smiled & said, " Nope, I'm a

> woman.

> > > Did you need some help getting back into bed? "

> > >

> > > I told my friends about it both times, and since we do most of our

> clinicals

> > > in long term care facilities (nursing homes) they laughed it off & said

> > > " Well you know a lot of the folks here are really old, deaf & blind " .

> But I

> > > will not lie... that just killed me a little bit each time it happened.

> And

> > > what makes it worse is that I DO actually put on some makeup for

> > > clinicals!!! It's very light and it has to be... nursing school is

> strict

> > > on that. But obviously I can't fix my hair, it has to be up in a ponly

> tail

> > > or off the collar.

> > >

> > > Anyway... yeah. I have major issues with that and I hate it. I wish I

> could

> > > just buy prettier clothes & wear them, but they look so wrong on me.

> I'm

> > > also all about comfort, and like to be comfey! And I do admit, I loathe

> > > the color pink. But other colors are ok.

> > >

> > > Damn am I screwed up or what? I feel really awkward even posting this.

> > >

> > > Mia

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

After fiance & I had dinner last night, he wanted to stop at CVS. They had

a lot of makeup stuff on clearance. I bought myself some girly stuff and I

did it with my head held high. Still no pink lol. But I did get a very

pretty lavendar nail polish that I really like. It looks nice. And it's ok

for me to be somewhere between tom-boy & girly. I just gotta be me.

I remember my nada telling me " Geeze, you have no one style, you just bounce

between different styles. Make up your damn mind! " . I said " I have my own

style, and I can wear the type of clothes that I like if I want. They dont'

all have to be the same style. "

What do you know, 17ish year old me was right. Who needs rules? I can just

be me.

Mia

>

>

> Yes! Yes! Yes! You really did just type that! The day is coming when your

> outsides will match your insides and you will see just how truly wonderful

> you are! Remember I am 56 and have been on the journey towards self love and

> self esteem without knowing I was battling BPD until three weeks ago, if I

> could do it with no support group, other than my husband and my desire to be

> healthy for my sons think what you can do. You have a fiance and a therapist

> and this group, and most of all your own desire to want to heal yourself. I

> never understood the depth of fada's mental illness until my youngest son

> was hospitalized for bi-polar disorder (which runs in my husband's family)

> But my youngest son has pointed out to me that you have to choose to be

> well. Fada was in enough mental health institutions and identified enough

> times he could have made that choice, but didn't. We the survivors of BPD

> are choosing to become well. Just think how strong you are, how much good

> you will do as a nurse and how many lives you will touch in a positive way.

> You are probably glowing with good will and a desire to be positive and that

> will shine through. Here's something to try. Get a little mirror like purse

> size, set the timer on your cell phone for a really short time, 10 or 15

> seconds and take that time to look in the mirror and look for all the good

> stuff inside you to come shining through. When you can handle 10 or 15

> seconds keep upping the time, but look at your eyes and look for the good

> stuff inside you to shine through. You have a beautiful heart!

> Kay

>

>

>

> >

> > >

> > >

> > > Mia, I bet your outside is as pretty as your insides. I remember when I

> was

> > > in my forties and really heavy after 3 c-sections and wishing my

> outsides

> > > matched my insides. I finally did lose the weight. Some of it is just

> > > confidence. My college room mates and I had a reunion when I was about

> 53

> > > and we looked at pictures of ourselves in college and had no idea how

> hot we

> > > were back then. We didn't have the confidence to see ourselves as we

> really

> > > were, and I bet that is the same for you. Your elderly nursing home

> clients

> > > are just old. Laugh it off. I bet if you look at pictures of yourself

> from

> > > high school you will be amazed at how attractive you were and didn't

> know

> > > it. Remember your nada didn't like herself and she didn't want you to

> like

> > > yourself,either. Don't let her win, don't be afraid to look in the

> mirror,

> > > you are hearing her voice not yours. Take the time to like yourself and

> put

> > > on make up and fix yourself up. If you don't want to be girly be

> sporty. I

> > > know a lot of sporty girls who are not girly at all and still

> attractive. If

> > > you don't have the SOWE workbook get it, it will help. I am struggling

> > > through it because it is rubbing some raw nerves, but it is helping.But

> the

> > > SOWE will help you hear the difference between your voice and nada's.

> Don't

> > > be afraid to look in the mirror! At one of my weight loss classes they

> > > taught us you had to like the fat body that you had, before you could

> be

> > > good enough to your fat body so you would want to help it lose weight

> and

> > > become a thin body. You've got to look in the mirror and like that

> person

> > > your nada told you was ugly, keep facing her and denying nada's voice

> and

> > > replace it with your own.

> > > Good luck and happy new year!

> > > Kay

> > >

> > >

> > > <

>

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UEZ3Jwc3BJZAMxNzA1MDYxMjQ4BHNlYwNmdHIEc2xrA2dmcARzdGltZQMxMjkzODE4MjQx

> >

>

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

After fiance & I had dinner last night, he wanted to stop at CVS. They had

a lot of makeup stuff on clearance. I bought myself some girly stuff and I

did it with my head held high. Still no pink lol. But I did get a very

pretty lavendar nail polish that I really like. It looks nice. And it's ok

for me to be somewhere between tom-boy & girly. I just gotta be me.

I remember my nada telling me " Geeze, you have no one style, you just bounce

between different styles. Make up your damn mind! " . I said " I have my own

style, and I can wear the type of clothes that I like if I want. They dont'

all have to be the same style. "

What do you know, 17ish year old me was right. Who needs rules? I can just

be me.

Mia

>

>

> Yes! Yes! Yes! You really did just type that! The day is coming when your

> outsides will match your insides and you will see just how truly wonderful

> you are! Remember I am 56 and have been on the journey towards self love and

> self esteem without knowing I was battling BPD until three weeks ago, if I

> could do it with no support group, other than my husband and my desire to be

> healthy for my sons think what you can do. You have a fiance and a therapist

> and this group, and most of all your own desire to want to heal yourself. I

> never understood the depth of fada's mental illness until my youngest son

> was hospitalized for bi-polar disorder (which runs in my husband's family)

> But my youngest son has pointed out to me that you have to choose to be

> well. Fada was in enough mental health institutions and identified enough

> times he could have made that choice, but didn't. We the survivors of BPD

> are choosing to become well. Just think how strong you are, how much good

> you will do as a nurse and how many lives you will touch in a positive way.

> You are probably glowing with good will and a desire to be positive and that

> will shine through. Here's something to try. Get a little mirror like purse

> size, set the timer on your cell phone for a really short time, 10 or 15

> seconds and take that time to look in the mirror and look for all the good

> stuff inside you to come shining through. When you can handle 10 or 15

> seconds keep upping the time, but look at your eyes and look for the good

> stuff inside you to shine through. You have a beautiful heart!

> Kay

>

>

>

> >

> > >

> > >

> > > Mia, I bet your outside is as pretty as your insides. I remember when I

> was

> > > in my forties and really heavy after 3 c-sections and wishing my

> outsides

> > > matched my insides. I finally did lose the weight. Some of it is just

> > > confidence. My college room mates and I had a reunion when I was about

> 53

> > > and we looked at pictures of ourselves in college and had no idea how

> hot we

> > > were back then. We didn't have the confidence to see ourselves as we

> really

> > > were, and I bet that is the same for you. Your elderly nursing home

> clients

> > > are just old. Laugh it off. I bet if you look at pictures of yourself

> from

> > > high school you will be amazed at how attractive you were and didn't

> know

> > > it. Remember your nada didn't like herself and she didn't want you to

> like

> > > yourself,either. Don't let her win, don't be afraid to look in the

> mirror,

> > > you are hearing her voice not yours. Take the time to like yourself and

> put

> > > on make up and fix yourself up. If you don't want to be girly be

> sporty. I

> > > know a lot of sporty girls who are not girly at all and still

> attractive. If

> > > you don't have the SOWE workbook get it, it will help. I am struggling

> > > through it because it is rubbing some raw nerves, but it is helping.But

> the

> > > SOWE will help you hear the difference between your voice and nada's.

> Don't

> > > be afraid to look in the mirror! At one of my weight loss classes they

> > > taught us you had to like the fat body that you had, before you could

> be

> > > good enough to your fat body so you would want to help it lose weight

> and

> > > become a thin body. You've got to look in the mirror and like that

> person

> > > your nada told you was ugly, keep facing her and denying nada's voice

> and

> > > replace it with your own.

> > > Good luck and happy new year!

> > > Kay

> > >

> > >

> > > <

>

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UEZ3Jwc3BJZAMxNzA1MDYxMjQ4BHNlYwNmdHIEc2xrA2dmcARzdGltZQMxMjkzODE4MjQx

> >

>

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Ugh, I hear you Fiona! It's a shame we have to go to therapy to help

ourselves. Not that it's a bad thing at all! But sometimes I wish I could

just send nada the bill since she should not have been the way she was &

taught me the right things anyway!

I think it's one thing to playfully joke with your kids, but completely

another to look at them & say something like that, Fiona. Ugh, that is just

heart breaking. =(

Mia

>

>

> Mia, hugs right back!

>

> Sigh, yes, I hated school and all the comments like that. I had to build up

> an arsenal of comebacks and cutting comments.

>

> Also, me too, my father was pretty bad as well with the comments. I have a

> lazy eye and he would just look at me and say " Cross eye!! " , much like a kid

> would have done to me in a playground. I definitely did not feel accepted

> for who I was.

>

> Oh well. That's why I'm in therapy!

>

>

>

> >

> > >

> > >

> > > I can relate to this very much.

> > >

> > > I wasn't allowed to wear pants all the way up to 7th grade. My mother

> said

> > > pants made boys " have ideas. " it was so embarrassing to just wear

> skirts; my

> > > friends and others would constantly ask me about it.

> > >

> > > I felt like my appearance was my mother's favorite topic of

> conversation...

> > > * you have such a big nose

> > > * you're so fat, you'd better just accept it

> > > * you've got your aunt's enormous hips

> > >

> > > Always, always, always. Even now. I just ignore it.

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Ugh, I hear you Fiona! It's a shame we have to go to therapy to help

ourselves. Not that it's a bad thing at all! But sometimes I wish I could

just send nada the bill since she should not have been the way she was &

taught me the right things anyway!

I think it's one thing to playfully joke with your kids, but completely

another to look at them & say something like that, Fiona. Ugh, that is just

heart breaking. =(

Mia

>

>

> Mia, hugs right back!

>

> Sigh, yes, I hated school and all the comments like that. I had to build up

> an arsenal of comebacks and cutting comments.

>

> Also, me too, my father was pretty bad as well with the comments. I have a

> lazy eye and he would just look at me and say " Cross eye!! " , much like a kid

> would have done to me in a playground. I definitely did not feel accepted

> for who I was.

>

> Oh well. That's why I'm in therapy!

>

>

>

> >

> > >

> > >

> > > I can relate to this very much.

> > >

> > > I wasn't allowed to wear pants all the way up to 7th grade. My mother

> said

> > > pants made boys " have ideas. " it was so embarrassing to just wear

> skirts; my

> > > friends and others would constantly ask me about it.

> > >

> > > I felt like my appearance was my mother's favorite topic of

> conversation...

> > > * you have such a big nose

> > > * you're so fat, you'd better just accept it

> > > * you've got your aunt's enormous hips

> > >

> > > Always, always, always. Even now. I just ignore it.

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Ugh, I hear you Fiona! It's a shame we have to go to therapy to help

ourselves. Not that it's a bad thing at all! But sometimes I wish I could

just send nada the bill since she should not have been the way she was &

taught me the right things anyway!

I think it's one thing to playfully joke with your kids, but completely

another to look at them & say something like that, Fiona. Ugh, that is just

heart breaking. =(

Mia

>

>

> Mia, hugs right back!

>

> Sigh, yes, I hated school and all the comments like that. I had to build up

> an arsenal of comebacks and cutting comments.

>

> Also, me too, my father was pretty bad as well with the comments. I have a

> lazy eye and he would just look at me and say " Cross eye!! " , much like a kid

> would have done to me in a playground. I definitely did not feel accepted

> for who I was.

>

> Oh well. That's why I'm in therapy!

>

>

>

> >

> > >

> > >

> > > I can relate to this very much.

> > >

> > > I wasn't allowed to wear pants all the way up to 7th grade. My mother

> said

> > > pants made boys " have ideas. " it was so embarrassing to just wear

> skirts; my

> > > friends and others would constantly ask me about it.

> > >

> > > I felt like my appearance was my mother's favorite topic of

> conversation...

> > > * you have such a big nose

> > > * you're so fat, you'd better just accept it

> > > * you've got your aunt's enormous hips

> > >

> > > Always, always, always. Even now. I just ignore it.

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Yeah! I love lavendar, you go Mia!

> Ugh, I hear you Fiona! It's a shame we have to go to therapy to help

> ourselves. Not that it's a bad thing at all! But sometimes I wish I could

> just send nada the bill since she should not have been the way she was &

> taught me the right things anyway!

>

> I think it's one thing to playfully joke with your kids, but completely

> another to look at them & say something like that, Fiona. Ugh, that is

> just

> heart breaking. =(

>

> Mia

>

>

>

> >

> >

> > Mia, hugs right back!

> >

> > Sigh, yes, I hated school and all the comments like that. I had to build

> up

> > an arsenal of comebacks and cutting comments.

> >

> > Also, me too, my father was pretty bad as well with the comments. I have

> a

> > lazy eye and he would just look at me and say " Cross eye!! " , much like a

> kid

> > would have done to me in a playground. I definitely did not feel accepted

> > for who I was.

> >

> > Oh well. That's why I'm in therapy!

> >

> >

> >

> > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I can relate to this very much.

> > > >

> > > > I wasn't allowed to wear pants all the way up to 7th grade. My mother

> > said

> > > > pants made boys " have ideas. " it was so embarrassing to just wear

> > skirts; my

> > > > friends and others would constantly ask me about it.

> > > >

> > > > I felt like my appearance was my mother's favorite topic of

> > conversation...

> > > > * you have such a big nose

> > > > * you're so fat, you'd better just accept it

> > > > * you've got your aunt's enormous hips

> > > >

> > > > Always, always, always. Even now. I just ignore it.

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Yeah! I love lavendar, you go Mia!

> Ugh, I hear you Fiona! It's a shame we have to go to therapy to help

> ourselves. Not that it's a bad thing at all! But sometimes I wish I could

> just send nada the bill since she should not have been the way she was &

> taught me the right things anyway!

>

> I think it's one thing to playfully joke with your kids, but completely

> another to look at them & say something like that, Fiona. Ugh, that is

> just

> heart breaking. =(

>

> Mia

>

>

>

> >

> >

> > Mia, hugs right back!

> >

> > Sigh, yes, I hated school and all the comments like that. I had to build

> up

> > an arsenal of comebacks and cutting comments.

> >

> > Also, me too, my father was pretty bad as well with the comments. I have

> a

> > lazy eye and he would just look at me and say " Cross eye!! " , much like a

> kid

> > would have done to me in a playground. I definitely did not feel accepted

> > for who I was.

> >

> > Oh well. That's why I'm in therapy!

> >

> >

> >

> > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I can relate to this very much.

> > > >

> > > > I wasn't allowed to wear pants all the way up to 7th grade. My mother

> > said

> > > > pants made boys " have ideas. " it was so embarrassing to just wear

> > skirts; my

> > > > friends and others would constantly ask me about it.

> > > >

> > > > I felt like my appearance was my mother's favorite topic of

> > conversation...

> > > > * you have such a big nose

> > > > * you're so fat, you'd better just accept it

> > > > * you've got your aunt's enormous hips

> > > >

> > > > Always, always, always. Even now. I just ignore it.

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Yeah! I love lavendar, you go Mia!

> Ugh, I hear you Fiona! It's a shame we have to go to therapy to help

> ourselves. Not that it's a bad thing at all! But sometimes I wish I could

> just send nada the bill since she should not have been the way she was &

> taught me the right things anyway!

>

> I think it's one thing to playfully joke with your kids, but completely

> another to look at them & say something like that, Fiona. Ugh, that is

> just

> heart breaking. =(

>

> Mia

>

>

>

> >

> >

> > Mia, hugs right back!

> >

> > Sigh, yes, I hated school and all the comments like that. I had to build

> up

> > an arsenal of comebacks and cutting comments.

> >

> > Also, me too, my father was pretty bad as well with the comments. I have

> a

> > lazy eye and he would just look at me and say " Cross eye!! " , much like a

> kid

> > would have done to me in a playground. I definitely did not feel accepted

> > for who I was.

> >

> > Oh well. That's why I'm in therapy!

> >

> >

> >

> > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I can relate to this very much.

> > > >

> > > > I wasn't allowed to wear pants all the way up to 7th grade. My mother

> > said

> > > > pants made boys " have ideas. " it was so embarrassing to just wear

> > skirts; my

> > > > friends and others would constantly ask me about it.

> > > >

> > > > I felt like my appearance was my mother's favorite topic of

> > conversation...

> > > > * you have such a big nose

> > > > * you're so fat, you'd better just accept it

> > > > * you've got your aunt's enormous hips

> > > >

> > > > Always, always, always. Even now. I just ignore it.

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

lol, ty. I don't think pink looks good on me. I am very fair skinned and

have a lot of red in my face due to mild roseacea. Granted, when I put on

my foundation you can't even see it anymore, but because I'm so pink toned

anyway pink just looks bad. So does too much red as I sadly learned when I

dyed my hair red =( I was so sad too, I love red hair.

But no, I'm just not a big fan of pink either to be honest! Like I said, I

dig purple and other colors, just not pink.

We shall see the next time I have to go shopping for clothes if I can find

something a little more girly... not over the top. lol. I still hate trying

on pretty clothes because I don't think they look good on me. I guess it's

just one step at a time.

Mia

>

>

>

> Fantastic Mia! You are so right, you have your own style and I've no idea

> what your hair and eye color are but pink may not be your color. I am

> considered a spring and peach and coral work better for me than pink. So

> whatever nada did to make you hate pink it may be that pink doesn't work for

> your color palate any way. Wouldn't that be a hoot.

> I'm so proud of you!

> Kay

>

> > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > Mia, I bet your outside is as pretty as your insides. I remember

> when I

> > > was

> > > > > in my forties and really heavy after 3 c-sections and wishing my

> > > outsides

> > > > > matched my insides. I finally did lose the weight. Some of it is

> just

> > > > > confidence. My college room mates and I had a reunion when I was

> about

> > > 53

> > > > > and we looked at pictures of ourselves in college and had no idea

> how

> > > hot we

> > > > > were back then. We didn't have the confidence to see ourselves as

> we

> > > really

> > > > > were, and I bet that is the same for you. Your elderly nursing home

> > > clients

> > > > > are just old. Laugh it off. I bet if you look at pictures of

> yourself

> > > from

> > > > > high school you will be amazed at how attractive you were and

> didn't

> > > know

> > > > > it. Remember your nada didn't like herself and she didn't want you

> to

> > > like

> > > > > yourself,either. Don't let her win, don't be afraid to look in the

> > > mirror,

> > > > > you are hearing her voice not yours. Take the time to like yourself

> and

> > > put

> > > > > on make up and fix yourself up. If you don't want to be girly be

> > > sporty. I

> > > > > know a lot of sporty girls who are not girly at all and still

> > > attractive. If

> > > > > you don't have the SOWE workbook get it, it will help. I am

> struggling

> > > > > through it because it is rubbing some raw nerves, but it is

> helping.But

> > > the

> > > > > SOWE will help you hear the difference between your voice and

> nada's.

> > > Don't

> > > > > be afraid to look in the mirror! At one of my weight loss classes

> they

> > > > > taught

> uo96APpX7PkYTketRPA0PevI9I+JsqMsc/T1rutJ8ZWN4FEsg596AN4PuODTyNoyK

> WOW1uVDQOvPvTjE2cZBoAiBJ60tI/wAr7T1pSpAyaACim7qWgBc0UlGM9KACk70oGTS44460AHFR

> uPSkJIOKsQwswyelAFZQc9cVOIpJhgLx60y9urLT4zLdyKoX3rzHxr8Y7HTke30whpRwMUAej32o

> WOiQtJdzKpAzgmvJvGnxfihMkGnMGboMV5Tqmva/4tuz5jSJCx/StvQvBMEbJNdvuccnNAGUtxrn

> i/Uds7yLGx71U8beE4vD8UU0x3OTnmvVrJILOVRbxqNo6iuA+MFx9oEW896AO7+E96p0mNkTbgda

> 7k6o7sQzZArzT4azmDRIlA4IrqGnIJwetAHSieCbgqM0NYW0gzxmuehuSDwatLdv/eNAE91YOQVj

> Hy1WGnSRpxV6HUmA2kZFTR3kbHDUCOcuInRvmFQ7YXGHUV1k8EFwny4zWeNGDOaAOJ1TT0DF0HFY

> 7Oy5XFd5qOlTByoGUrIudGwhO3mgDnrfk5NZXi/Bt4/ateaNoJcEHFY/ixTJZqU7UgOx+H84OmBf

> atiSImRiPWuY+G9zF9l2MfmArrLiYBsJ1oGU5xIgGM1PbpvA3dafncnzioZJTGcr0oAszWinpWTf

> WhQ8VK19IZOM4pLt5ZVGBQAy2tmVMinKiq2T1qxBLthCsOagcZfJpCFe4deF6U+AmRgz0oVSKng8

>

rG0nGaAGzkY+Tmoo7lkOG4q28aRj5DmqUiF2+YYFABcTsw+Tk1Ckny/vV5qYGJBheTUEsylsM/;_ylc=\

X3oDMTJkZ2hhZWQwBF9TAzk3MzU5NzE0BGdycElkAzIzNDI3NDUEZ3Jwc3BJZAMxNzA1MDYxMjQ4BHNl\

YwNmdHIEc2xrA2dmcARzdGltZQMxMjkzODE4MjQx

>

> > > >

> > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

[Guest guest]

lol, ty. I don't think pink looks good on me. I am very fair skinned and

have a lot of red in my face due to mild roseacea. Granted, when I put on

my foundation you can't even see it anymore, but because I'm so pink toned

anyway pink just looks bad. So does too much red as I sadly learned when I

dyed my hair red =( I was so sad too, I love red hair.

But no, I'm just not a big fan of pink either to be honest! Like I said, I

dig purple and other colors, just not pink.

We shall see the next time I have to go shopping for clothes if I can find

something a little more girly... not over the top. lol. I still hate trying

on pretty clothes because I don't think they look good on me. I guess it's

just one step at a time.

Mia

>

>

>

> Fantastic Mia! You are so right, you have your own style and I've no idea

> what your hair and eye color are but pink may not be your color. I am

> considered a spring and peach and coral work better for me than pink. So

> whatever nada did to make you hate pink it may be that pink doesn't work for

> your color palate any way. Wouldn't that be a hoot.

> I'm so proud of you!

> Kay

>

> > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > Mia, I bet your outside is as pretty as your insides. I remember

> when I

> > > was

> > > > > in my forties and really heavy after 3 c-sections and wishing my

> > > outsides

> > > > > matched my insides. I finally did lose the weight. Some of it is

> just

> > > > > confidence. My college room mates and I had a reunion when I was

> about

> > > 53

> > > > > and we looked at pictures of ourselves in college and had no idea

> how

> > > hot we

> > > > > were back then. We didn't have the confidence to see ourselves as

> we

> > > really

> > > > > were, and I bet that is the same for you. Your elderly nursing home

> > > clients

> > > > > are just old. Laugh it off. I bet if you look at pictures of

> yourself

> > > from

> > > > > high school you will be amazed at how attractive you were and

> didn't

> > > know

> > > > > it. Remember your nada didn't like herself and she didn't want you

> to

> > > like

> > > > > yourself,either. Don't let her win, don't be afraid to look in the

> > > mirror,

> > > > > you are hearing her voice not yours. Take the time to like yourself

> and

> > > put

> > > > > on make up and fix yourself up. If you don't want to be girly be

> > > sporty. I

> > > > > know a lot of sporty girls who are not girly at all and still

> > > attractive. If

> > > > > you don't have the SOWE workbook get it, it will help. I am

> struggling

> > > > > through it because it is rubbing some raw nerves, but it is

> helping.But

> > > the

> > > > > SOWE will help you hear the difference between your voice and

> nada's.

> > > Don't

> > > > > be afraid to look in the mirror! At one of my weight loss classes

> they

> > > > > taught

> uo96APpX7PkYTketRPA0PevI9I+JsqMsc/T1rutJ8ZWN4FEsg596AN4PuODTyNoyK

> WOW1uVDQOvPvTjE2cZBoAiBJ60tI/wAr7T1pSpAyaACim7qWgBc0UlGM9KACk70oGTS44460AHFR

> uPSkJIOKsQwswyelAFZQc9cVOIpJhgLx60y9urLT4zLdyKoX3rzHxr8Y7HTke30whpRwMUAej32o

> WOiQtJdzKpAzgmvJvGnxfihMkGnMGboMV5Tqmva/4tuz5jSJCx/StvQvBMEbJNdvuccnNAGUtxrn

> i/Uds7yLGx71U8beE4vD8UU0x3OTnmvVrJILOVRbxqNo6iuA+MFx9oEW896AO7+E96p0mNkTbgda

> 7k6o7sQzZArzT4azmDRIlA4IrqGnIJwetAHSieCbgqM0NYW0gzxmuehuSDwatLdv/eNAE91YOQVj

> Hy1WGnSRpxV6HUmA2kZFTR3kbHDUCOcuInRvmFQ7YXGHUV1k8EFwny4zWeNGDOaAOJ1TT0DF0HFY

> 7Oy5XFd5qOlTByoGUrIudGwhO3mgDnrfk5NZXi/Bt4/ateaNoJcEHFY/ixTJZqU7UgOx+H84OmBf

> atiSImRiPWuY+G9zF9l2MfmArrLiYBsJ1oGU5xIgGM1PbpvA3dafncnzioZJTGcr0oAszWinpWTf

> WhQ8VK19IZOM4pLt5ZVGBQAy2tmVMinKiq2T1qxBLthCsOagcZfJpCFe4deF6U+AmRgz0oVSKng8

>

rG0nGaAGzkY+Tmoo7lkOG4q28aRj5DmqUiF2+YYFABcTsw+Tk1Ckny/vV5qYGJBheTUEsylsM/;_ylc=\

X3oDMTJkZ2hhZWQwBF9TAzk3MzU5NzE0BGdycElkAzIzNDI3NDUEZ3Jwc3BJZAMxNzA1MDYxMjQ4BHNl\

YwNmdHIEc2xrA2dmcARzdGltZQMxMjkzODE4MjQx

>

> > > >

> > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >