Depression: Reaction from standing up to nada?

[Guest guest]

I have become severely depressed recently, even affecting daily functioning. I

have not had this much trouble since I was 18 years old. I think my depression

may have been triggered by uncovering all of this BPD stuff, but now it is

seeming more chemical as well - lots of negative thoughts and trouble with basic

cognitions at times. I am planning to start an anti-depressant and take steps

to improve this like healthy eating and exercise, etc.

I think the worst part for me was realizing the BPD traits I display. I am

feeling some horrible things about myself and realizing how I have hurt others.

The good thing is that I can see this now and am stopping the bad behaviors. Is

there anything worse than realizing you are " just like " the person you hate most

in the world?

Some of the crap I think is so freaking stupid! I put my husband in no-win

catch-22 situations all the time, and I have raged at my children. I have even

been physically abusive to my dog, like pushing him down hard when he jumps.

It's not the action I am doing that worries me so much as the rage I am feeling

at the time. Have any of you noticed these things in yourself?

Lately, I have been working on kindness toward myself and others. I brought the

dog's crate inside and am letting him stay with me all the time. He is so happy

and sweet. I got my oldest son 2 rats. (I know, it's weird, but they're

actually great pets.) We also have a bunny. So I bought her an inside cage,

too, and put her next to the rats on our back room " Pet Store " shelf. I have

been talking nice to the little rodents and giving them treats. The little

minirex bunny now comes to the cage door when I approach to get petted on her

nose even if I have no treat. It is nice when these little creatures act like

they like me and don't show any fear of me. Can I really be that bad if they

trust me?

The answer in my heart is still a resounding YES - YOU ARE BAD!!! Is this

something my nada said to me?