Guest guest Posted December 31, 2010 Report Share Posted December 31, 2010 Who can relate? I can! Me! Me! Me! I moved Fada in 17 months ago. I was 7 weeks post op from my second knee replacement and he wanted a bell so I could come running whenever he needed anything. Again, I recommend SWOE, and SWOE workbook and if it is relevant Surviving the Borderline Parent. I was so angry when I read SWOE, I'd buried a lifetime of anger and once I knew the condition had a name I realized I had permission to be angry and I could barely read SWOE, but I am taking my time through the workbook. Just remember it doesn't matter what other people think about you. Especially the BPD! Find a way to absolve yourself from guilt. SWOE workbook really helps. I am thinking about finding a counselor or T, but I live in a rural area and T's are hard to find around here. I can not tell you how much SWOE and the workbook have helped. Only you can free yourself from the pain of guilt. I say without compunction. " I pray every day for Fada to die. I can offer him no help on this earth, and I feel his only hope is with the Almighty who can offer him forgiveness. I forgave him a long time ago but since he's come to live with us, he's opening all those wounds again. I have built a lot of boundaries around myself and I don't feel guilty. If I don't survive neither will he.Good luck and I love your poem. Kay > > A Poem to Share from Ground Zero in my Past: > > Far Away Quickly > by *Compassion81 > > My home was once my sanctuary… > A place I could escape the harshness of the world… > A place where I could find solace in my loved ones… > A place where I could let down my guard. > > With good intentions, > I sought to help a family member. > It was the right thing to do, > Or so I thought at the time. > > I've now paid physically. > Daily I pay emotionally, > And don't even get me started on financially… > And it all means nothing. > > My sanctuary is now dark and heavy. > Drama and animosity fill the walls. > I'm no longer safe there and everyone feels it… > The thick heavy fog of negativity from one human being. > > I don't know what to do anymore… > I can't change it…it's up to her. > I am desperately trying to change my thoughts… > But the continual emotional assault makes it hard. > > I no longer have an escape from the insanity of this world. > The insanity is now in my living room … > Spilling into the psyche of all my loved ones… > An inch and a day at a time. > > I want my home back! > I want to be free from this obligation she lays on me! > This thick and horrible guilt… > From a toxic, intoxicated and self-tortured soul! > > I want the happiness my home once held! > I want the solace that lived and breathed within these walls! > I want the happiness to return to the lives of my family! > And stop the madness of negativity generated by one! > > And this one should know better! > And this one should stop playing the victim! > For in the process of her own Poor Me… > She tortures and victimizes my entire home! > > Dear God, please help her find the way! > Please help us all to heal and move on! > Set her on her own two feet safely… > And far away from here quickly! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 31, 2010 Report Share Posted December 31, 2010 At the same time I kicked nada out, I realized I had also married someone with BPD tendencies. One at a time. Got nada out and then 6 months later, got him out and whoa you can imagine the fun couple of months I had with hate mail, phone calls, emails, texts, notes on my car, emails at work, nothing was sacred but I didn't respond to either of them ever no matter what they said. I just give them the full chill! LOL It was all I could do to stay sane. I felt bad for both of them, I did but its not my job to put everyone else's feelings ahead of my own! The guilt has faded a great deal...I'm almost there. Thanks for your kind words Kay. I'm will send you many positive thoughts, lots of strength and all the ability you need to keep strong and emotionally safe. I love this site. There are so many good tips and I'm learning so much. I'm so grateful. Happy New Year! It's sad to know that others have had to deal with what I've had to deal with but then again, there is strength in numbers, strength in knowing others are and have dealt with this and are learning to be okay. I'm in counseling and it helps a lot! I've also done work with ACOA. I didn't know about the program you mentioned but I'm going to check it out. Much love, jaie > > > > A Poem to Share from Ground Zero in my Past: > > > > Far Away Quickly > > by *Compassion81 > > > > My home was once my sanctuary… > > A place I could escape the harshness of the world… > > A place where I could find solace in my loved ones… > > A place where I could let down my guard. > > > > With good intentions, > > I sought to help a family member. > > It was the right thing to do, > > Or so I thought at the time. > > > > I've now paid physically. > > Daily I pay emotionally, > > And don't even get me started on financially… > > And it all means nothing. > > > > My sanctuary is now dark and heavy. > > Drama and animosity fill the walls. > > I'm no longer safe there and everyone feels it… > > The thick heavy fog of negativity from one human being. > > > > I don't know what to do anymore… > > I can't change it…it's up to her. > > I am desperately trying to change my thoughts… > > But the continual emotional assault makes it hard. > > > > I no longer have an escape from the insanity of this world. > > The insanity is now in my living room … > > Spilling into the psyche of all my loved ones… > > An inch and a day at a time. > > > > I want my home back! > > I want to be free from this obligation she lays on me! > > This thick and horrible guilt… > > From a toxic, intoxicated and self-tortured soul! > > > > I want the happiness my home once held! > > I want the solace that lived and breathed within these walls! > > I want the happiness to return to the lives of my family! > > And stop the madness of negativity generated by one! > > > > And this one should know better! > > And this one should stop playing the victim! > > For in the process of her own Poor Me… > > She tortures and victimizes my entire home! > > > > Dear God, please help her find the way! > > Please help us all to heal and move on! > > Set her on her own two feet safely… > > And far away from here quickly! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 31, 2010 Report Share Posted December 31, 2010 At the same time I kicked nada out, I realized I had also married someone with BPD tendencies. One at a time. Got nada out and then 6 months later, got him out and whoa you can imagine the fun couple of months I had with hate mail, phone calls, emails, texts, notes on my car, emails at work, nothing was sacred but I didn't respond to either of them ever no matter what they said. I just give them the full chill! LOL It was all I could do to stay sane. I felt bad for both of them, I did but its not my job to put everyone else's feelings ahead of my own! The guilt has faded a great deal...I'm almost there. Thanks for your kind words Kay. I'm will send you many positive thoughts, lots of strength and all the ability you need to keep strong and emotionally safe. I love this site. There are so many good tips and I'm learning so much. I'm so grateful. Happy New Year! It's sad to know that others have had to deal with what I've had to deal with but then again, there is strength in numbers, strength in knowing others are and have dealt with this and are learning to be okay. I'm in counseling and it helps a lot! I've also done work with ACOA. I didn't know about the program you mentioned but I'm going to check it out. Much love, jaie > > > > A Poem to Share from Ground Zero in my Past: > > > > Far Away Quickly > > by *Compassion81 > > > > My home was once my sanctuary… > > A place I could escape the harshness of the world… > > A place where I could find solace in my loved ones… > > A place where I could let down my guard. > > > > With good intentions, > > I sought to help a family member. > > It was the right thing to do, > > Or so I thought at the time. > > > > I've now paid physically. > > Daily I pay emotionally, > > And don't even get me started on financially… > > And it all means nothing. > > > > My sanctuary is now dark and heavy. > > Drama and animosity fill the walls. > > I'm no longer safe there and everyone feels it… > > The thick heavy fog of negativity from one human being. > > > > I don't know what to do anymore… > > I can't change it…it's up to her. > > I am desperately trying to change my thoughts… > > But the continual emotional assault makes it hard. > > > > I no longer have an escape from the insanity of this world. > > The insanity is now in my living room … > > Spilling into the psyche of all my loved ones… > > An inch and a day at a time. > > > > I want my home back! > > I want to be free from this obligation she lays on me! > > This thick and horrible guilt… > > From a toxic, intoxicated and self-tortured soul! > > > > I want the happiness my home once held! > > I want the solace that lived and breathed within these walls! > > I want the happiness to return to the lives of my family! > > And stop the madness of negativity generated by one! > > > > And this one should know better! > > And this one should stop playing the victim! > > For in the process of her own Poor Me… > > She tortures and victimizes my entire home! > > > > Dear God, please help her find the way! > > Please help us all to heal and move on! > > Set her on her own two feet safely… > > And far away from here quickly! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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