Re: NADA CONTACTED ME...................HELP

[Guest guest]

Only you can decide what is right for you. As for my opinion, it sounds

like a hoover maneuver to me. The last time I spoke to my nada she was

being polite like that. Then, a few minuted later I received the business

end of a rage the likes of which I had never seen.

I do not know your back story and what your nada is like though. At least

take a little time and think it through.

--

“I have a grip on reality, just not this particular one.”-- Author Unknown*

*

[Guest guest]

Thanks Kim. Well a brief over view on my nada, she has put me down all my life

and played games with me like most nadas do. She sent me to live with her

father when I was 9 and he sexually abused me, she knew this and did nothing

about it. He also abused her too when she was younger. When I was 15 I

decided

to take him to court to prosecute, but they threw it out of court as nada would

not stand up and say it happened to her also.

Then nada after all this has gone on still lets my younger sister go visit the

monster, I found out last year that he had also abused my younger sister too.

Everytime I asked mom to get threapy she would label me mentally ill, call me

biploar and that I need help etc, she contacted child services and tried to have

my son taken away from me all because I moved away from her to heal my past.

There is so much that I could go into, but she seems to forget all this like it

has not happened then sends me a message like that whilst I am trying my best to

heal.

xx

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Sun, November 14, 2010 2:10:34 PM

Subject: Re: NADA CONTACTED ME...................HELP

Only you can decide what is right for you. As for my opinion, it sounds

like a hoover maneuver to me. The last time I spoke to my nada she was

being polite like that. Then, a few minuted later I received the business

end of a rage the likes of which I had never seen.

I do not know your back story and what your nada is like though. At least

take a little time and think it through.

--

“I have a grip on reality, just not this particular one.â€-- Author Unknown*

*

[Guest guest]

You are a braver woman that I to even consider contacting her. My nada only

threatened court to take my children and I will not speak to her.

With a child involved I would recommend NC. Of course, only you can

decide. Children should not be subjected to what our nadas put us through

and your nada from the sounds of it will most likely try to use your son

against you again. You owe her nothing. Protect your son.

Is there a articular reason you would want to contact her?

--

“I have a grip on reality, just not this particular one.”-- Author Unknown*

*

[Guest guest]

You are a braver woman that I to even consider contacting her. My nada only

threatened court to take my children and I will not speak to her.

With a child involved I would recommend NC. Of course, only you can

decide. Children should not be subjected to what our nadas put us through

and your nada from the sounds of it will most likely try to use your son

against you again. You owe her nothing. Protect your son.

Is there a articular reason you would want to contact her?

--

“I have a grip on reality, just not this particular one.”-- Author Unknown*

*

[Guest guest]

You are a braver woman that I to even consider contacting her. My nada only

threatened court to take my children and I will not speak to her.

With a child involved I would recommend NC. Of course, only you can

decide. Children should not be subjected to what our nadas put us through

and your nada from the sounds of it will most likely try to use your son

against you again. You owe her nothing. Protect your son.

Is there a articular reason you would want to contact her?

--

“I have a grip on reality, just not this particular one.”-- Author Unknown*

*

[Guest guest]

Hi Kim,

Thanks for getting back to me. Sorry to hear what your nada tried to put you

through too. I have a lot of guilt, and I still cling onto the hope that she

may

change one day but I know deep down that she never will.

I think I am missing the fact that I dont have a mom if you know what I mean,

thats just the tip of the iceburg what I have told you about nada.  My nada

also

made me feel like I was never a good enough mum to my my son, and that my son

bonded with her more than me, she always put me down as a mother and call me

silly mom infront of my son and try to dress him to the way she wanted to etc.

xx

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Sun, November 14, 2010 2:27:30 PM

Subject: Re: NADA CONTACTED ME...................HELP

You are a braver woman that I to even consider contacting her.  My nada only

threatened court to take my children and I will not speak to her.

With a child involved I would recommend NC.  Of course, only you can

decide.  Children should not be subjected to what our nadas put us through

and your nada from the sounds of it will most likely try to use your son

against you again.  You owe her nothing.  Protect your son.

Is there a articular reason you would want to contact her?

--

“I have a grip on reality, just not this particular one.â€-- Author Unknown*

*

[Guest guest]

Hi Kim,

Thanks for getting back to me. Sorry to hear what your nada tried to put you

through too. I have a lot of guilt, and I still cling onto the hope that she

may

change one day but I know deep down that she never will.

I think I am missing the fact that I dont have a mom if you know what I mean,

thats just the tip of the iceburg what I have told you about nada.  My nada

also

made me feel like I was never a good enough mum to my my son, and that my son

bonded with her more than me, she always put me down as a mother and call me

silly mom infront of my son and try to dress him to the way she wanted to etc.

xx

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Sun, November 14, 2010 2:27:30 PM

Subject: Re: NADA CONTACTED ME...................HELP

You are a braver woman that I to even consider contacting her.  My nada only

threatened court to take my children and I will not speak to her.

With a child involved I would recommend NC.  Of course, only you can

decide.  Children should not be subjected to what our nadas put us through

and your nada from the sounds of it will most likely try to use your son

against you again.  You owe her nothing.  Protect your son.

Is there a articular reason you would want to contact her?

--

“I have a grip on reality, just not this particular one.â€-- Author Unknown*

*

[Guest guest]

Hi Kim,

Thanks for getting back to me. Sorry to hear what your nada tried to put you

through too. I have a lot of guilt, and I still cling onto the hope that she

may

change one day but I know deep down that she never will.

I think I am missing the fact that I dont have a mom if you know what I mean,

thats just the tip of the iceburg what I have told you about nada.  My nada

also

made me feel like I was never a good enough mum to my my son, and that my son

bonded with her more than me, she always put me down as a mother and call me

silly mom infront of my son and try to dress him to the way she wanted to etc.

xx

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Sun, November 14, 2010 2:27:30 PM

Subject: Re: NADA CONTACTED ME...................HELP

You are a braver woman that I to even consider contacting her.  My nada only

threatened court to take my children and I will not speak to her.

With a child involved I would recommend NC.  Of course, only you can

decide.  Children should not be subjected to what our nadas put us through

and your nada from the sounds of it will most likely try to use your son

against you again.  You owe her nothing.  Protect your son.

Is there a articular reason you would want to contact her?

--

“I have a grip on reality, just not this particular one.â€-- Author Unknown*

*

[Guest guest]

,

My advice is to ask yourself what has changed to make you think

she'd be any different if you went there for Christmas. I don't

see anything inyour description of the Facebook message to make

me think she'd be any different than she's always been. If you'd

previously decided to stay out of contact with her, I wouldn't

let this message change that decision. Nadas can be very, very

good at turning on the charm and writing messages that sound

like they're from normal people. Don't let that fool you.

The part about thinking of you every minute of the day is the

kind of thing that might sound sweet from a normal mother but

coming from a nada it just sounds creepy and obsessed to me and

your husband may well be right about her implying that she owns

you.

At 09:03 AM 11/14/2010 Newton wrote:

>Hi All,

>

>Hope you guys are all well..Sorry I have not been around in a

>while, got caught

>up in life.

>

>I start my CBT therapy this week after being on a waiting list

>for over 12

>months............yipeeee finally!

>

>Although, I went on my facebook today and there was a message

>from my nada using

>her new boyfriends account it basically said, that she is doing

>really well and

>she is moving house with her boyfriend, our family home has

>been sold and that

>my gran her mom is ok but she is getting old now as in she is

>72. Mentioned

>that my sister and my nephew are doing well etc, and then on

>the end wishing me

>a lovely christmas and that she loves me and thinks of me every

>minute of the

>day...........(my beautiful daughter) thank kinda freaked me

>out.

>

>My hubby seems to think that she is hoovering me as it is

>coming up to

>christmas, and he thinks that I should stay strong and wait

>until Im done with

>therapy etc, if I want to contact her contact her then when I

>am strong enough.

>

>However, he says whatever I decided to do he will support me

>100% but he can see

>from an outsiders view what she is doing. As in the message

>was all about her

>and the bit on the end as in (my beautiful daughter) he seems

>to think that she

>is like still getting at the fact she owns me and i will always

>be hers.

>

>I am so confused

>

>Any thoughts on this

>

>Thanks

>

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

,

My advice is to ask yourself what has changed to make you think

she'd be any different if you went there for Christmas. I don't

see anything inyour description of the Facebook message to make

me think she'd be any different than she's always been. If you'd

previously decided to stay out of contact with her, I wouldn't

let this message change that decision. Nadas can be very, very

good at turning on the charm and writing messages that sound

like they're from normal people. Don't let that fool you.

The part about thinking of you every minute of the day is the

kind of thing that might sound sweet from a normal mother but

coming from a nada it just sounds creepy and obsessed to me and

your husband may well be right about her implying that she owns

you.

At 09:03 AM 11/14/2010 Newton wrote:

>Hi All,

>

>Hope you guys are all well..Sorry I have not been around in a

>while, got caught

>up in life.

>

>I start my CBT therapy this week after being on a waiting list

>for over 12

>months............yipeeee finally!

>

>Although, I went on my facebook today and there was a message

>from my nada using

>her new boyfriends account it basically said, that she is doing

>really well and

>she is moving house with her boyfriend, our family home has

>been sold and that

>my gran her mom is ok but she is getting old now as in she is

>72. Mentioned

>that my sister and my nephew are doing well etc, and then on

>the end wishing me

>a lovely christmas and that she loves me and thinks of me every

>minute of the

>day...........(my beautiful daughter) thank kinda freaked me

>out.

>

>My hubby seems to think that she is hoovering me as it is

>coming up to

>christmas, and he thinks that I should stay strong and wait

>until Im done with

>therapy etc, if I want to contact her contact her then when I

>am strong enough.

>

>However, he says whatever I decided to do he will support me

>100% but he can see

>from an outsiders view what she is doing. As in the message

>was all about her

>and the bit on the end as in (my beautiful daughter) he seems

>to think that she

>is like still getting at the fact she owns me and i will always

>be hers.

>

>I am so confused

>

>Any thoughts on this

>

>Thanks

>

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

,

My advice is to ask yourself what has changed to make you think

she'd be any different if you went there for Christmas. I don't

see anything inyour description of the Facebook message to make

me think she'd be any different than she's always been. If you'd

previously decided to stay out of contact with her, I wouldn't

let this message change that decision. Nadas can be very, very

good at turning on the charm and writing messages that sound

like they're from normal people. Don't let that fool you.

The part about thinking of you every minute of the day is the

kind of thing that might sound sweet from a normal mother but

coming from a nada it just sounds creepy and obsessed to me and

your husband may well be right about her implying that she owns

you.

At 09:03 AM 11/14/2010 Newton wrote:

>Hi All,

>

>Hope you guys are all well..Sorry I have not been around in a

>while, got caught

>up in life.

>

>I start my CBT therapy this week after being on a waiting list

>for over 12

>months............yipeeee finally!

>

>Although, I went on my facebook today and there was a message

>from my nada using

>her new boyfriends account it basically said, that she is doing

>really well and

>she is moving house with her boyfriend, our family home has

>been sold and that

>my gran her mom is ok but she is getting old now as in she is

>72. Mentioned

>that my sister and my nephew are doing well etc, and then on

>the end wishing me

>a lovely christmas and that she loves me and thinks of me every

>minute of the

>day...........(my beautiful daughter) thank kinda freaked me

>out.

>

>My hubby seems to think that she is hoovering me as it is

>coming up to

>christmas, and he thinks that I should stay strong and wait

>until Im done with

>therapy etc, if I want to contact her contact her then when I

>am strong enough.

>

>However, he says whatever I decided to do he will support me

>100% but he can see

>from an outsiders view what she is doing. As in the message

>was all about her

>and the bit on the end as in (my beautiful daughter) he seems

>to think that she

>is like still getting at the fact she owns me and i will always

>be hers.

>

>I am so confused

>

>Any thoughts on this

>

>Thanks

>

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

,I agree with your husband: keep with the therapy for now and wait until

you are feeling stronger before you make any decisions about contact with your

nada.Your healing is the priority now.*You* are the priority.I can't see what

else your nada's message could be but yet more manipulation and if it makes you

feel so confused it is clearly not *good* for you.It seems to me that just the

fact that the message has distressed you is a very clear sign that contact with

your nada isn't beneficial to you,whatever your nada's motives are.It does sound

like a hoovering attempt.

My thoughts are: Please stay strong and tend to you,focus on your healing

therapy.Be good to yourself.Think of you everyday and love you.

Take care,

>

> Hi All,

>

> Hope you guys are all well..Sorry I have not been around in a while, got

caught

> up in life.

>

> I start my CBT therapy this week after being on a waiting list for over 12

> months............yipeeee finally!

>

> Although, I went on my facebook today and there was a message from my nada

using

> her new boyfriends account it basically said, that she is doing really well

and

> she is moving house with her boyfriend, our family home has been sold and that

> my gran her mom is ok but she is getting old now as in she is 72.  Mentioned

> that my sister and my nephew are doing well etc, and then on the end wishing

me

> a lovely christmas and that she loves me and thinks of me every minute of the

> day...........(my beautiful daughter)  thank kinda freaked me out.

>

> My hubby seems to think that she is hoovering me as it is coming up to

> christmas, and he thinks that I should stay strong and wait until Im done with

> therapy etc, if I want to contact her contact her then when I am strong

enough.

>

> However, he says whatever I decided to do he will support me 100% but he can

see

> from an outsiders view what she is doing.  As in the message was all about her

> and the bit on the end as in (my beautiful daughter) he seems to think that

she

> is like still getting at the fact she owns me and i will always be hers.

>

> I am so confused

>

> Any thoughts on this

>

> Thanks

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

,I agree with your husband: keep with the therapy for now and wait until

you are feeling stronger before you make any decisions about contact with your

nada.Your healing is the priority now.*You* are the priority.I can't see what

else your nada's message could be but yet more manipulation and if it makes you

feel so confused it is clearly not *good* for you.It seems to me that just the

fact that the message has distressed you is a very clear sign that contact with

your nada isn't beneficial to you,whatever your nada's motives are.It does sound

like a hoovering attempt.

My thoughts are: Please stay strong and tend to you,focus on your healing

therapy.Be good to yourself.Think of you everyday and love you.

Take care,

>

> Hi All,

>

> Hope you guys are all well..Sorry I have not been around in a while, got

caught

> up in life.

>

> I start my CBT therapy this week after being on a waiting list for over 12

> months............yipeeee finally!

>

> Although, I went on my facebook today and there was a message from my nada

using

> her new boyfriends account it basically said, that she is doing really well

and

> she is moving house with her boyfriend, our family home has been sold and that

> my gran her mom is ok but she is getting old now as in she is 72.  Mentioned

> that my sister and my nephew are doing well etc, and then on the end wishing

me

> a lovely christmas and that she loves me and thinks of me every minute of the

> day...........(my beautiful daughter)  thank kinda freaked me out.

>

> My hubby seems to think that she is hoovering me as it is coming up to

> christmas, and he thinks that I should stay strong and wait until Im done with

> therapy etc, if I want to contact her contact her then when I am strong

enough.

>

> However, he says whatever I decided to do he will support me 100% but he can

see

> from an outsiders view what she is doing.  As in the message was all about her

> and the bit on the end as in (my beautiful daughter) he seems to think that

she

> is like still getting at the fact she owns me and i will always be hers.

>

> I am so confused

>

> Any thoughts on this

>

> Thanks

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

,I agree with your husband: keep with the therapy for now and wait until

you are feeling stronger before you make any decisions about contact with your

nada.Your healing is the priority now.*You* are the priority.I can't see what

else your nada's message could be but yet more manipulation and if it makes you

feel so confused it is clearly not *good* for you.It seems to me that just the

fact that the message has distressed you is a very clear sign that contact with

your nada isn't beneficial to you,whatever your nada's motives are.It does sound

like a hoovering attempt.

My thoughts are: Please stay strong and tend to you,focus on your healing

therapy.Be good to yourself.Think of you everyday and love you.

Take care,

>

> Hi All,

>

> Hope you guys are all well..Sorry I have not been around in a while, got

caught

> up in life.

>

> I start my CBT therapy this week after being on a waiting list for over 12

> months............yipeeee finally!

>

> Although, I went on my facebook today and there was a message from my nada

using

> her new boyfriends account it basically said, that she is doing really well

and

> she is moving house with her boyfriend, our family home has been sold and that

> my gran her mom is ok but she is getting old now as in she is 72.  Mentioned

> that my sister and my nephew are doing well etc, and then on the end wishing

me

> a lovely christmas and that she loves me and thinks of me every minute of the

> day...........(my beautiful daughter)  thank kinda freaked me out.

>

> My hubby seems to think that she is hoovering me as it is coming up to

> christmas, and he thinks that I should stay strong and wait until Im done with

> therapy etc, if I want to contact her contact her then when I am strong

enough.

>

> However, he says whatever I decided to do he will support me 100% but he can

see

> from an outsiders view what she is doing.  As in the message was all about her

> and the bit on the end as in (my beautiful daughter) he seems to think that

she

> is like still getting at the fact she owns me and i will always be hers.

>

> I am so confused

>

> Any thoughts on this

>

> Thanks

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I understand. My nada did the same things after the birth of my first

daughter. She went so far as to put my daughter in physical danger or try

to. You have no reason to feel guilty. Your nada has NO RIGHT to treat you

or your son this way. You and your son have EVERY right not to be treated

this way. She will not change without years of therapy and most never do.

I miss having a real mom too. Try to remember that she is not a good mom at

all. In fact, she is very harmful to you and your son. I struggle with

this all the time. I am currently suffering from some holiday season

depression but I just remind myself of what will happen if I allow her near

my children.

Stay strong and if you need to talk I am here.

--

“I have a grip on reality, just not this particular one.”-- Author Unknown*

*

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I think your husband is right, the chirpy, perky message is meant to hoover you

back in to communicate with her.

It will do no harm to wait a while longer before responding, if you do choose to

respond.

If her good will toward you is genuine, she will be fine with you waiting as

long as you need to, until you are in a stronger, healthier place, before you

resume contact.

-Annie

>

> Hi All,

>

> Hope you guys are all well..Sorry I have not been around in a while, got

caught

> up in life.

>

> I start my CBT therapy this week after being on a waiting list for over 12

> months............yipeeee finally!

>

> Although, I went on my facebook today and there was a message from my nada

using

> her new boyfriends account it basically said, that she is doing really well

and

> she is moving house with her boyfriend, our family home has been sold and that

> my gran her mom is ok but she is getting old now as in she is 72.  Mentioned

> that my sister and my nephew are doing well etc, and then on the end wishing

me

> a lovely christmas and that she loves me and thinks of me every minute of the

> day...........(my beautiful daughter)  thank kinda freaked me out.

>

> My hubby seems to think that she is hoovering me as it is coming up to

> christmas, and he thinks that I should stay strong and wait until Im done with

> therapy etc, if I want to contact her contact her then when I am strong

enough.

>

> However, he says whatever I decided to do he will support me 100% but he can

see

> from an outsiders view what she is doing.  As in the message was all about her

> and the bit on the end as in (my beautiful daughter) he seems to think that

she

> is like still getting at the fact she owns me and i will always be hers.

>

> I am so confused

>

> Any thoughts on this

>

> Thanks

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Now that you've shared your back-story again, it seems to me that your nada has

a *long-standing pattern* of very, very toxic behaviors toward you and others.

She has shown you that she wants to do real harm to you and your husband and

child particularly in making charges with Child Protective Services against you.

She has shown you that she is dangerous to you.

In such a case as yours, my opinion is that its in your best interest to

maintain No Contact.

Her " nice " letter is just a lure, its false and manipulative. I think that she

knows your weakness: that you yearn to have her mother-love, and she is using

that to lure you. But what she is offering you is fake. Its an illusion, and

probably never existed. Her behaviors are not the loving, protective behaviors

of a real mother.

Actions and behaviors speak louder than words. Words are cheap.

I hope you will find the strength to protect yourself and your family from

further abuse by your nada. I hope that you lean into the real love that your

husband and your child have for you take strength from that true love.

-Annie

>

> Thanks Kim.  Well a brief over view on my nada, she has put me down all my

life

> and played games with me like most nadas do.  She sent me to live with her

> father when I was 9 and he sexually abused me, she knew this and did nothing

> about it.  He also abused her too when she was younger.  When I was 15 I

decided

> to take him to court to prosecute, but they threw it out of court as nada

would

> not stand up and say it happened to her also.

>

> Then nada after all this has gone on still lets my younger sister go visit the

> monster, I found out last year that he had also abused my younger sister too.

>

> Everytime I asked mom to get threapy she would label me mentally ill, call me

> biploar and that I need help etc, she contacted child services and tried to

have

> my son taken away from me all because I moved away from her to heal my past.

>

> There is so much that I could go into, but she seems to forget all this like

it

> has not happened then sends me a message like that whilst I am trying my best

to

> heal.

>

> xx

>

>

>

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Sent: Sun, November 14, 2010 2:10:34 PM

> Subject: Re: NADA CONTACTED ME...................HELP

>

> Only you can decide what is right for you.  As for my opinion, it sounds

> like a hoover maneuver to me.  The last time I spoke to my nada she was

> being polite like that.  Then, a few minuted later I received the business

> end of a rage the likes of which I had never seen.

>

> I do not know your back story and what your nada is like though.  At least

> take a little time and think it through.

>

> --

>

>

> “I have a grip on reality, just not this particular one.â€-- Author

Unknown*

> *

>

>

>