ANGER!!!

[Guest guest]

This well of anger is like a volcano bubbling up inside me, poisoning my life

and everything I try to do. Sometimes it's so quiet I don't even know it's

there and then it goes into those underground rivers that manifest as depression

or anxiety...

I just want to get OVER this! I so don't care anymore who my nada and fada are

and why they do/did what they do/did. And are they just victims of their own

illnesses or did they make choices to be so selfish, etc. Who f***ing

cares???!!!

I told my husband that I might just say no when fada tries to set up annual

obligation trip for Christmas. He said, " Well, that might be a little rude. " I

said, " I don't think you understand where I am on this. I REALLY DON'T CARE

anymore. " He said, " That's understandable. Uh, how 'bout we watch a movie

tonight or something. " Poor guy. He understands perfectly because his family

is the same way. Brother asked us to visit at a cabin this summer - shared

family vacation. Husband's new job - can only get a day or two off. We say,

" What if we come down for the afternoon or something? " Brother grabs a

calculator and says, " Okay, we'll just pro-rate your cost for a day. " Pro-rate

the family visit? ha ha

Anyway, I think part of the problem for me is that husband and I are in the same

boat. It's nice to understand each other, but we have also doubled our trouble

because we have twice the narcissistic/BPD/OCD family members now. It's hard to

let go of things from the past because the past keeps getting repeated as the

present.

Help! I want to grow up! I want to do something better with my life than sit

around and worry about these people. Is that the best answer - to do something

constructive with the anger? Like make something better of my life just for

spite, so-to-speak? What are you all doing with your anger?

+Coal Miner's Daughter