Re: Long time, no posting - reintroducing

[Guest guest]

Hi Mia,

Welcome back.

I can relate to how frustrated you must feel, having come to terms with going No

Contact with your nada, and now finding that you have a new bpd person in your

life which in its own way is an " unchosen " relationship.

The more educated your fiance can become about personality disorder, the better

for him and his children. Your presence in these kids' lives will be a

blessing; they will be able to experience what an emotionally stable, rational

mom-figure is like when they're with you and their dad. Your fiance will be in

the worst possible position imaginable: truly ghastly. I feel compassion for

him; he will be in the middle, trying to handle co-parenting with an emotionally

unstable, probably openly hostile, probably vindictive and manipulative ex,

while trying to keep his kids as stress-free and unaffected by the whole mess as

possible, while also trying to make you as happy as possible too. While keeping

up his job performance at work. Poor man. You will be his rock, I'm sure, and

his haven of peace. I think family therapy is a great idea for all of you as

you navigate your way through the choppy waters of divorce and forming a new

family unit.

I could be wrong but I don't think there's a Welcome To Oz Group specifically

for your situation but there is at " bpdfamily.com " I think its the section

called " Raising kids when one of the parents has bpd " , and its for step-parents

as well.

-Annie

>

> Hi all,

>

> I've been on this list for a long time but I admit that I have not been

> reading much for a while due to craziness in my life. So for that, I

> apologize and hope it will be ok to post again.

>

> I haven't had contact with my BPD mother in almost 2 years now since I moved

> out of state. I had thought about cutting off contact with her for years

> before doing so. When I was getting ready to move, she neglected to return

> phone calls, emails, etc so I left and haven't had a thing to do with her

> since. It's been good for me. Really good for me.

>

> Now I'm dealing with another potential BPD in my life. My fiance's ex wife.

> She is very VERY very difficult to deal with. I asked my fiance for months

> to get into therapy to help him learn how to deal with her and he has

> finally done that. He decided to see the same therapist that I see and she

> is familiar with some of the bologna that his ex pulls because of what I've

> told her.

>

> Oddly enough, about 5 or 6 months ago before he started going, I told him I

> thought his ex had BPD. I wasn't sure, however, if we were dealing with BPD

> or alcoholism... I forgot that often the 2 go together.

>

> My therapist never told me that she thought his ex might have BPD. But

> after he started going she told him that. When he relayed that info to me,

> I just about fell out of my chair. I told her that when I saw her next and

> said, " I think I have BPD radar " . She laughed & said, " You probably do " .

>

> Oy. I got away from one very unhealthy & abusive woman, now I have to help

> him deal with another.

>

> I'm super stressed. Life is falling apart. I was back in school in an

> accelerated nursing program, now I'm out for a bit due to medical issues.

> I'm having major surgery on the 11th. And with his ex behaving the way she

> is, I'm about ready to loose it.

>

> I love his kids. He has talked to a lawyer but there are issues that

> require a special type of lawyer, and for confidentiality sake I will not

> mention here. I feel he should be talking to that special lawyer but it's

> absolutely his call.

>

> I'm trying not to project onto the kids my own feelings from my own

> experiences with a BDP mother. The good thing is his daughter will talk to

> me about what frustrates her (she's 11). All i try to do is listen & see

> how she feels. After some of the stuff she brought up, fiance decided to

> get her into therapy too, and she's told us she really loves going. Phew.

> His son is 4... he's a very angry little man. Fiance wants him evaluated

> as well because of his anger issues... it's pretty bad.

>

> I know there is a list for people divorcing someone with BPD, but I'm not

> sure if I would belong there? I'm not the one divorcing, but I am someone

> supporting a man who divorced someone who probably has BPD. My fiance also

> expressed an interest in joining that particular list.

>

> Really not quite sure where I (we?) fit in right now. Since cutting off

> contact with my mom I've been doing a lot better. I still have issues with

> depression & PTSD but things are beginning to get better.

>

> I felt like I was walking out of Oz when I cut off my mother... I think I

> was just walking into unexplored teritory. I'm still in Oz.

>

> Mia

>

>

>