Long time, no posting - reintroducing

[Guest guest]

Hi all,

I've been on this list for a long time but I admit that I have not been

reading much for a while due to craziness in my life. So for that, I

apologize and hope it will be ok to post again.

I haven't had contact with my BPD mother in almost 2 years now since I moved

out of state. I had thought about cutting off contact with her for years

before doing so. When I was getting ready to move, she neglected to return

phone calls, emails, etc so I left and haven't had a thing to do with her

since. It's been good for me. Really good for me.

Now I'm dealing with another potential BPD in my life. My fiance's ex wife.

She is very VERY very difficult to deal with. I asked my fiance for months

to get into therapy to help him learn how to deal with her and he has

finally done that. He decided to see the same therapist that I see and she

is familiar with some of the bologna that his ex pulls because of what I've

told her.

Oddly enough, about 5 or 6 months ago before he started going, I told him I

thought his ex had BPD. I wasn't sure, however, if we were dealing with BPD

or alcoholism... I forgot that often the 2 go together.

My therapist never told me that she thought his ex might have BPD. But

after he started going she told him that. When he relayed that info to me,

I just about fell out of my chair. I told her that when I saw her next and

said, " I think I have BPD radar " . She laughed & said, " You probably do " .

Oy. I got away from one very unhealthy & abusive woman, now I have to help

him deal with another.

I'm super stressed. Life is falling apart. I was back in school in an

accelerated nursing program, now I'm out for a bit due to medical issues.

I'm having major surgery on the 11th. And with his ex behaving the way she

is, I'm about ready to loose it.

I love his kids. He has talked to a lawyer but there are issues that

require a special type of lawyer, and for confidentiality sake I will not

mention here. I feel he should be talking to that special lawyer but it's

absolutely his call.

I'm trying not to project onto the kids my own feelings from my own

experiences with a BDP mother. The good thing is his daughter will talk to

me about what frustrates her (she's 11). All i try to do is listen & see

how she feels. After some of the stuff she brought up, fiance decided to

get her into therapy too, and she's told us she really loves going. Phew.

His son is 4... he's a very angry little man. Fiance wants him evaluated

as well because of his anger issues... it's pretty bad.

I know there is a list for people divorcing someone with BPD, but I'm not

sure if I would belong there? I'm not the one divorcing, but I am someone

supporting a man who divorced someone who probably has BPD. My fiance also

expressed an interest in joining that particular list.

Really not quite sure where I (we?) fit in right now. Since cutting off

contact with my mom I've been doing a lot better. I still have issues with

depression & PTSD but things are beginning to get better.

I felt like I was walking out of Oz when I cut off my mother... I think I

was just walking into unexplored teritory. I'm still in Oz.

Mia