Jump to content
RemedySpot.com

Re: Should I go tomorrow?

Rate this topic


Guest guest

Recommended Posts

Bigsister, I'd let go of the right and wrong of showing up and just see where

you are at. If you strongly feel that going to this event and your nada

bringing this man will be upsetting, then it's probably better not to go. Your

children will be very aware of your emotions. At the same time it would of

course be great for them to connect with other family, but you have to weigh

where you are at right now. Maybe the day of the event you will feel okay to

ignore her...maybe you won't. Better to trust your feelings and know that you

have time to adjust to learning about BPD and that there are future events you

can go to if this one just feels like too much right now.

> >

> > Ok, forgive me as I am new to this whole BPD scene and figuring out my mom's

" motivations " for the first time.

> >

> > My nada is going on an almost 2-month " cold shoulder/silent treatment " after

a holiday blow up.

> >

> > She called today to tell me that she is bringing a " male friend " to a big

family gathering tomorrow at my aunt's house. I had no idea she had been seeing

anyone. I calmly said " ok " and asked what's his name and what does he do, etc

etc. She immediately became hostile and said " this is my business and his name

is Tim and I'm not telling you anything else about it. I'd rather keep my

business to myself " . She went on to explain he was " just a friend " and there was

nothing romantic there. When I questioned why you would feel the need to

introduce a casual friend to your children and siblings, she told me " I am tired

of being alone at these family functions, I'd like to be with somebody " . Ok,

that makes a lot of sense...????

> >

> > I don't know why I let it get to me, but it worked. I know I shouldn't have

reacted but this holiday has been especially hard for me, realizing that I don't

have a real mom and grieving what we used to have before she went completely off

her rocker.

> >

> > After hanging up, I realized that she is doing this to make a big scene at

the family gathering and draw all attention to herself. And also to make me and

my brother feel awkward AND to show us she is in control, if possible, of our

emotions as well.

> >

> > I want to call her bluff and not show up tomorrow. I have a 3 year old

daughter and I would love to see my aunts and cousins but I don't know that I'm

up for seeing my mom making big dramatic entrances with some man just to prove a

point to me and I don't know that I want to explain that " man friend " to my 3

year old.

> >

> > She can introduce a man friend properly to me and my family without throwing

him in my face in a group full of people.

> >

> > Am I wrong in wanting to not show up? Be honest - I'm not looking for

validation. I want HONEST opinions please. I feel really in a daze right now

while learning about BPD.

> >

>

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Bigsister, I'd let go of the right and wrong of showing up and just see where

you are at. If you strongly feel that going to this event and your nada

bringing this man will be upsetting, then it's probably better not to go. Your

children will be very aware of your emotions. At the same time it would of

course be great for them to connect with other family, but you have to weigh

where you are at right now. Maybe the day of the event you will feel okay to

ignore her...maybe you won't. Better to trust your feelings and know that you

have time to adjust to learning about BPD and that there are future events you

can go to if this one just feels like too much right now.

> >

> > Ok, forgive me as I am new to this whole BPD scene and figuring out my mom's

" motivations " for the first time.

> >

> > My nada is going on an almost 2-month " cold shoulder/silent treatment " after

a holiday blow up.

> >

> > She called today to tell me that she is bringing a " male friend " to a big

family gathering tomorrow at my aunt's house. I had no idea she had been seeing

anyone. I calmly said " ok " and asked what's his name and what does he do, etc

etc. She immediately became hostile and said " this is my business and his name

is Tim and I'm not telling you anything else about it. I'd rather keep my

business to myself " . She went on to explain he was " just a friend " and there was

nothing romantic there. When I questioned why you would feel the need to

introduce a casual friend to your children and siblings, she told me " I am tired

of being alone at these family functions, I'd like to be with somebody " . Ok,

that makes a lot of sense...????

> >

> > I don't know why I let it get to me, but it worked. I know I shouldn't have

reacted but this holiday has been especially hard for me, realizing that I don't

have a real mom and grieving what we used to have before she went completely off

her rocker.

> >

> > After hanging up, I realized that she is doing this to make a big scene at

the family gathering and draw all attention to herself. And also to make me and

my brother feel awkward AND to show us she is in control, if possible, of our

emotions as well.

> >

> > I want to call her bluff and not show up tomorrow. I have a 3 year old

daughter and I would love to see my aunts and cousins but I don't know that I'm

up for seeing my mom making big dramatic entrances with some man just to prove a

point to me and I don't know that I want to explain that " man friend " to my 3

year old.

> >

> > She can introduce a man friend properly to me and my family without throwing

him in my face in a group full of people.

> >

> > Am I wrong in wanting to not show up? Be honest - I'm not looking for

validation. I want HONEST opinions please. I feel really in a daze right now

while learning about BPD.

> >

>

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Bigsister, I'd let go of the right and wrong of showing up and just see where

you are at. If you strongly feel that going to this event and your nada

bringing this man will be upsetting, then it's probably better not to go. Your

children will be very aware of your emotions. At the same time it would of

course be great for them to connect with other family, but you have to weigh

where you are at right now. Maybe the day of the event you will feel okay to

ignore her...maybe you won't. Better to trust your feelings and know that you

have time to adjust to learning about BPD and that there are future events you

can go to if this one just feels like too much right now.

> >

> > Ok, forgive me as I am new to this whole BPD scene and figuring out my mom's

" motivations " for the first time.

> >

> > My nada is going on an almost 2-month " cold shoulder/silent treatment " after

a holiday blow up.

> >

> > She called today to tell me that she is bringing a " male friend " to a big

family gathering tomorrow at my aunt's house. I had no idea she had been seeing

anyone. I calmly said " ok " and asked what's his name and what does he do, etc

etc. She immediately became hostile and said " this is my business and his name

is Tim and I'm not telling you anything else about it. I'd rather keep my

business to myself " . She went on to explain he was " just a friend " and there was

nothing romantic there. When I questioned why you would feel the need to

introduce a casual friend to your children and siblings, she told me " I am tired

of being alone at these family functions, I'd like to be with somebody " . Ok,

that makes a lot of sense...????

> >

> > I don't know why I let it get to me, but it worked. I know I shouldn't have

reacted but this holiday has been especially hard for me, realizing that I don't

have a real mom and grieving what we used to have before she went completely off

her rocker.

> >

> > After hanging up, I realized that she is doing this to make a big scene at

the family gathering and draw all attention to herself. And also to make me and

my brother feel awkward AND to show us she is in control, if possible, of our

emotions as well.

> >

> > I want to call her bluff and not show up tomorrow. I have a 3 year old

daughter and I would love to see my aunts and cousins but I don't know that I'm

up for seeing my mom making big dramatic entrances with some man just to prove a

point to me and I don't know that I want to explain that " man friend " to my 3

year old.

> >

> > She can introduce a man friend properly to me and my family without throwing

him in my face in a group full of people.

> >

> > Am I wrong in wanting to not show up? Be honest - I'm not looking for

validation. I want HONEST opinions please. I feel really in a daze right now

while learning about BPD.

> >

>

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi :)

I don't know if this will be helpful,but let's see...This event is going

to happen tomorrow and you have identified today what it is that really got on

your nerves about your nada bringing this Tim to the party: she'll make a

dramatic entrance with some guy she couldn't be bothered with properly

introducing to you...and when she mentioned it to you initially she was being

obnoxiously passive agressive about it and game playing and being

manipulative...so right now you're so annoyed with her that you are thinking

about deflating her little game/attention ploy/dramatics by not even showing up

to the party.

I think you have every reason to be annoyed with her.I wonder: is

there a way for you to acknowledge,for yourself,how justifiably annoyed you

are,now,enough for you to digest it and then attend this party anyway but refuse

to play along with her? You said that you'd like to see your other relatives and

of course you have every right to attend a family party and to enjoy yourself

there! In a way,to my view,nada made a tactical error in telling you beforehand

that she'll be bringing Tim along instead of just springing him on you at the

party itself---she showed her cards,displayed her hand...and so now you know

what's she got to deal and you can win at this " poker game " putting your own ace

onto the table: by refusing to play.

I think that you could go and treat the whole Tim thing like a total

nothing event.You know that nada wants you to react to her bringing Tim,so

don't! You could process how you feel today,on here if you want to by venting

all you want to get the frustration out,then at the actual party,treat the whole

thing like a non deal.

You could say to your daughter something like, " This is Grammy's

friend Tim " cheerfully but blandly,as if he's the same as some lady friend from

her bridge club,you know? And just leave it at that,sufficient as an

" explanation " ....since after all,what your nada is doing here is just more

convoluted crap and nobody can really explain it anyway except that she's trying

to get your goat and it's sick and isn't worth explaining anyhow; it seems to me

that the most important thing is rising above her game and not letting her know

that she got to you.He's just her friend Tim,no big deal.Don't play and enjoy

yourself with everyone else at the party.Whatever she says or does about this

Tim,you go blandly: Uh huh...uh huh...that's nice...And seek out the company of

the good people there who will make being there pleasant for you.

Having said all of that,I don't think you're wrong in not wanting to

show up.It's all about your comfort level.If her game is so annoying to you that

it's just going to cause you distress,to the degree that you won't be able to

enjoy the party,then of course you have every right in the world to choose to

stay away.Plus you've got some time here before you have to decide to attend or

not,time to process your feelings and to decide what you can or cannot tolerate.

> >

> > Ok, forgive me as I am new to this whole BPD scene and figuring out my mom's

" motivations " for the first time.

> >

> > My nada is going on an almost 2-month " cold shoulder/silent treatment " after

a holiday blow up.

> >

> > She called today to tell me that she is bringing a " male friend " to a big

family gathering tomorrow at my aunt's house. I had no idea she had been seeing

anyone. I calmly said " ok " and asked what's his name and what does he do, etc

etc. She immediately became hostile and said " this is my business and his name

is Tim and I'm not telling you anything else about it. I'd rather keep my

business to myself " . She went on to explain he was " just a friend " and there was

nothing romantic there. When I questioned why you would feel the need to

introduce a casual friend to your children and siblings, she told me " I am tired

of being alone at these family functions, I'd like to be with somebody " . Ok,

that makes a lot of sense...????

> >

> > I don't know why I let it get to me, but it worked. I know I shouldn't have

reacted but this holiday has been especially hard for me, realizing that I don't

have a real mom and grieving what we used to have before she went completely off

her rocker.

> >

> > After hanging up, I realized that she is doing this to make a big scene at

the family gathering and draw all attention to herself. And also to make me and

my brother feel awkward AND to show us she is in control, if possible, of our

emotions as well.

> >

> > I want to call her bluff and not show up tomorrow. I have a 3 year old

daughter and I would love to see my aunts and cousins but I don't know that I'm

up for seeing my mom making big dramatic entrances with some man just to prove a

point to me and I don't know that I want to explain that " man friend " to my 3

year old.

> >

> > She can introduce a man friend properly to me and my family without throwing

him in my face in a group full of people.

> >

> > Am I wrong in wanting to not show up? Be honest - I'm not looking for

validation. I want HONEST opinions please. I feel really in a daze right now

while learning about BPD.

> >

>

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Climberkayak - you are very right. Its not about the " right or wrong " its what

my comfort level is at this moment. Very good point.

, thank you for the perspective. Yes, its a manipulative game she is

playing and she ABSOLUTELY wants me to react. I suppose not showing up would be

reacting in definition. What also galls me is I know she will be flamboyant,

outgoing, and sugar dripping off her lips while she acts like the " most

wonderful mother in the world " to put on a show for the (ahem) non-romantic guy

friend. She will also smother my daughter in affection as well so she also

appears to be the most loving grandmother in the world. BARF BARF BARF.

I do have time to process through stuff today and think this over. I might be

able to do the 'medium chill' thing and go to another room to visit with my

cousins and their kids while nada gets her jollies out of the theatrical

performance she has planned for her sisters and brother. As long as she is

getting attention from someone, she will probably not seek me out.

Anuria - thank you for your input as well. While you are correct that there is

nothing wrong with her bringing a friend, the part about keeping him a complete

secret and then throwing him at me in a group of people was a calculated

strategy and intentional. That is what I was referring to. I have had to distant

myself at family events in the past so its nothing new to me. Its just been a

hard holiday season and I'm not sure if I have the energy to deal with one.

more. drama. I will decide in the morning if I'm up for it.

Thank you for the book recommendations. I am working my way through SWOE and

plan to get the Borderline Mother book next.

Thanks again everyone. Blessings.

> > >

> > > Ok, forgive me as I am new to this whole BPD scene and figuring out my

mom's " motivations " for the first time.

> > >

> > > My nada is going on an almost 2-month " cold shoulder/silent treatment "

after a holiday blow up.

> > >

> > > She called today to tell me that she is bringing a " male friend " to a big

family gathering tomorrow at my aunt's house. I had no idea she had been seeing

anyone. I calmly said " ok " and asked what's his name and what does he do, etc

etc. She immediately became hostile and said " this is my business and his name

is Tim and I'm not telling you anything else about it. I'd rather keep my

business to myself " . She went on to explain he was " just a friend " and there was

nothing romantic there. When I questioned why you would feel the need to

introduce a casual friend to your children and siblings, she told me " I am tired

of being alone at these family functions, I'd like to be with somebody " . Ok,

that makes a lot of sense...????

> > >

> > > I don't know why I let it get to me, but it worked. I know I shouldn't

have reacted but this holiday has been especially hard for me, realizing that I

don't have a real mom and grieving what we used to have before she went

completely off her rocker.

> > >

> > > After hanging up, I realized that she is doing this to make a big scene at

the family gathering and draw all attention to herself. And also to make me and

my brother feel awkward AND to show us she is in control, if possible, of our

emotions as well.

> > >

> > > I want to call her bluff and not show up tomorrow. I have a 3 year old

daughter and I would love to see my aunts and cousins but I don't know that I'm

up for seeing my mom making big dramatic entrances with some man just to prove a

point to me and I don't know that I want to explain that " man friend " to my 3

year old.

> > >

> > > She can introduce a man friend properly to me and my family without

throwing him in my face in a group full of people.

> > >

> > > Am I wrong in wanting to not show up? Be honest - I'm not looking for

validation. I want HONEST opinions please. I feel really in a daze right now

while learning about BPD.

> > >

> >

>

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Climberkayak - you are very right. Its not about the " right or wrong " its what

my comfort level is at this moment. Very good point.

, thank you for the perspective. Yes, its a manipulative game she is

playing and she ABSOLUTELY wants me to react. I suppose not showing up would be

reacting in definition. What also galls me is I know she will be flamboyant,

outgoing, and sugar dripping off her lips while she acts like the " most

wonderful mother in the world " to put on a show for the (ahem) non-romantic guy

friend. She will also smother my daughter in affection as well so she also

appears to be the most loving grandmother in the world. BARF BARF BARF.

I do have time to process through stuff today and think this over. I might be

able to do the 'medium chill' thing and go to another room to visit with my

cousins and their kids while nada gets her jollies out of the theatrical

performance she has planned for her sisters and brother. As long as she is

getting attention from someone, she will probably not seek me out.

Anuria - thank you for your input as well. While you are correct that there is

nothing wrong with her bringing a friend, the part about keeping him a complete

secret and then throwing him at me in a group of people was a calculated

strategy and intentional. That is what I was referring to. I have had to distant

myself at family events in the past so its nothing new to me. Its just been a

hard holiday season and I'm not sure if I have the energy to deal with one.

more. drama. I will decide in the morning if I'm up for it.

Thank you for the book recommendations. I am working my way through SWOE and

plan to get the Borderline Mother book next.

Thanks again everyone. Blessings.

> > >

> > > Ok, forgive me as I am new to this whole BPD scene and figuring out my

mom's " motivations " for the first time.

> > >

> > > My nada is going on an almost 2-month " cold shoulder/silent treatment "

after a holiday blow up.

> > >

> > > She called today to tell me that she is bringing a " male friend " to a big

family gathering tomorrow at my aunt's house. I had no idea she had been seeing

anyone. I calmly said " ok " and asked what's his name and what does he do, etc

etc. She immediately became hostile and said " this is my business and his name

is Tim and I'm not telling you anything else about it. I'd rather keep my

business to myself " . She went on to explain he was " just a friend " and there was

nothing romantic there. When I questioned why you would feel the need to

introduce a casual friend to your children and siblings, she told me " I am tired

of being alone at these family functions, I'd like to be with somebody " . Ok,

that makes a lot of sense...????

> > >

> > > I don't know why I let it get to me, but it worked. I know I shouldn't

have reacted but this holiday has been especially hard for me, realizing that I

don't have a real mom and grieving what we used to have before she went

completely off her rocker.

> > >

> > > After hanging up, I realized that she is doing this to make a big scene at

the family gathering and draw all attention to herself. And also to make me and

my brother feel awkward AND to show us she is in control, if possible, of our

emotions as well.

> > >

> > > I want to call her bluff and not show up tomorrow. I have a 3 year old

daughter and I would love to see my aunts and cousins but I don't know that I'm

up for seeing my mom making big dramatic entrances with some man just to prove a

point to me and I don't know that I want to explain that " man friend " to my 3

year old.

> > >

> > > She can introduce a man friend properly to me and my family without

throwing him in my face in a group full of people.

> > >

> > > Am I wrong in wanting to not show up? Be honest - I'm not looking for

validation. I want HONEST opinions please. I feel really in a daze right now

while learning about BPD.

> > >

> >

>

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Climberkayak - you are very right. Its not about the " right or wrong " its what

my comfort level is at this moment. Very good point.

, thank you for the perspective. Yes, its a manipulative game she is

playing and she ABSOLUTELY wants me to react. I suppose not showing up would be

reacting in definition. What also galls me is I know she will be flamboyant,

outgoing, and sugar dripping off her lips while she acts like the " most

wonderful mother in the world " to put on a show for the (ahem) non-romantic guy

friend. She will also smother my daughter in affection as well so she also

appears to be the most loving grandmother in the world. BARF BARF BARF.

I do have time to process through stuff today and think this over. I might be

able to do the 'medium chill' thing and go to another room to visit with my

cousins and their kids while nada gets her jollies out of the theatrical

performance she has planned for her sisters and brother. As long as she is

getting attention from someone, she will probably not seek me out.

Anuria - thank you for your input as well. While you are correct that there is

nothing wrong with her bringing a friend, the part about keeping him a complete

secret and then throwing him at me in a group of people was a calculated

strategy and intentional. That is what I was referring to. I have had to distant

myself at family events in the past so its nothing new to me. Its just been a

hard holiday season and I'm not sure if I have the energy to deal with one.

more. drama. I will decide in the morning if I'm up for it.

Thank you for the book recommendations. I am working my way through SWOE and

plan to get the Borderline Mother book next.

Thanks again everyone. Blessings.

> > >

> > > Ok, forgive me as I am new to this whole BPD scene and figuring out my

mom's " motivations " for the first time.

> > >

> > > My nada is going on an almost 2-month " cold shoulder/silent treatment "

after a holiday blow up.

> > >

> > > She called today to tell me that she is bringing a " male friend " to a big

family gathering tomorrow at my aunt's house. I had no idea she had been seeing

anyone. I calmly said " ok " and asked what's his name and what does he do, etc

etc. She immediately became hostile and said " this is my business and his name

is Tim and I'm not telling you anything else about it. I'd rather keep my

business to myself " . She went on to explain he was " just a friend " and there was

nothing romantic there. When I questioned why you would feel the need to

introduce a casual friend to your children and siblings, she told me " I am tired

of being alone at these family functions, I'd like to be with somebody " . Ok,

that makes a lot of sense...????

> > >

> > > I don't know why I let it get to me, but it worked. I know I shouldn't

have reacted but this holiday has been especially hard for me, realizing that I

don't have a real mom and grieving what we used to have before she went

completely off her rocker.

> > >

> > > After hanging up, I realized that she is doing this to make a big scene at

the family gathering and draw all attention to herself. And also to make me and

my brother feel awkward AND to show us she is in control, if possible, of our

emotions as well.

> > >

> > > I want to call her bluff and not show up tomorrow. I have a 3 year old

daughter and I would love to see my aunts and cousins but I don't know that I'm

up for seeing my mom making big dramatic entrances with some man just to prove a

point to me and I don't know that I want to explain that " man friend " to my 3

year old.

> > >

> > > She can introduce a man friend properly to me and my family without

throwing him in my face in a group full of people.

> > >

> > > Am I wrong in wanting to not show up? Be honest - I'm not looking for

validation. I want HONEST opinions please. I feel really in a daze right now

while learning about BPD.

> > >

> >

>

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Big_sister,

I think that going would be better, if you can handle it

emotionally. The way I see it, staying home is letting her win.

You want to see other family members and will lose out on doing

so if you don't go. If she wants to show that she's in control,

letting her behavior make you stay home is definitely showing

that she's right about being in control. In your position, I

think I'd go and show no reaction to Tim - just act like him

being there is normal and not out of the ordinary. Don't bother

explaining much of anything to your daughter. Just tell her that

Tim is your nada's friend and leave it at that. Three-year-olds

don't need to know all the details of what kind of relationship

people do or don't have. If she tries to make a big scene,

having nobody react to it will be one step towards showing her

that doing that doesn't get the results she wants.

Attention-seeking behavior is only useful to them if it actually

results in getting attention.

At 12:33 PM 01/01/2011 big_sister_03 wrote:

> Ok, forgive me as I am new to this whole BPD scene and

> figuring out my mom's " motivations " for the first time.

>

> My nada is going on an almost 2-month " cold shoulder/silent

> treatment " after a holiday blow up.

>

> She called today to tell me that she is bringing a " male

> friend " to a big family gathering tomorrow at my aunt's house.

> I had no idea she had been seeing anyone. I calmly said " ok "

> and asked what's his name and what does he do, etc etc. She

> immediately became hostile and said " this is my business and

> his name is Tim and I'm not telling you anything else about

> it. I'd rather keep my business to myself " . She went on to

> explain he was " just a friend " and there was nothing romantic

> there. When I questioned why you would feel the need to

> introduce a casual friend to your children and siblings, she

> told me " I am tired of being alone at these family functions,

> I'd like to be with somebody " . Ok, that makes a lot of

> sense...????

>

> I don't know why I let it get to me, but it worked. I know I

> shouldn't have reacted but this holiday has been especially

> hard for me, realizing that I don't have a real mom and

> grieving what we used to have before she went completely off

> her rocker.

>

> After hanging up, I realized that she is doing this to make a

> big scene at the family gathering and draw all attention to

> herself. And also to make me and my brother feel awkward AND

> to show us she is in control, if possible, of our emotions as

> well.

>

> I want to call her bluff and not show up tomorrow. I have a 3

> year old daughter and I would love to see my aunts and cousins

> but I don't know that I'm up for seeing my mom making big

> dramatic entrances with some man just to prove a point to me

> and I don't know that I want to explain that " man friend " to

> my 3 year old.

>

> She can introduce a man friend properly to me and my family

> without throwing him in my face in a group full of people.

>

> Am I wrong in wanting to not show up? Be honest - I'm not

> looking for validation. I want HONEST opinions please. I feel

> really in a daze right now while learning about BPD.

--

Katrina

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Big_sister,

I think that going would be better, if you can handle it

emotionally. The way I see it, staying home is letting her win.

You want to see other family members and will lose out on doing

so if you don't go. If she wants to show that she's in control,

letting her behavior make you stay home is definitely showing

that she's right about being in control. In your position, I

think I'd go and show no reaction to Tim - just act like him

being there is normal and not out of the ordinary. Don't bother

explaining much of anything to your daughter. Just tell her that

Tim is your nada's friend and leave it at that. Three-year-olds

don't need to know all the details of what kind of relationship

people do or don't have. If she tries to make a big scene,

having nobody react to it will be one step towards showing her

that doing that doesn't get the results she wants.

Attention-seeking behavior is only useful to them if it actually

results in getting attention.

At 12:33 PM 01/01/2011 big_sister_03 wrote:

> Ok, forgive me as I am new to this whole BPD scene and

> figuring out my mom's " motivations " for the first time.

>

> My nada is going on an almost 2-month " cold shoulder/silent

> treatment " after a holiday blow up.

>

> She called today to tell me that she is bringing a " male

> friend " to a big family gathering tomorrow at my aunt's house.

> I had no idea she had been seeing anyone. I calmly said " ok "

> and asked what's his name and what does he do, etc etc. She

> immediately became hostile and said " this is my business and

> his name is Tim and I'm not telling you anything else about

> it. I'd rather keep my business to myself " . She went on to

> explain he was " just a friend " and there was nothing romantic

> there. When I questioned why you would feel the need to

> introduce a casual friend to your children and siblings, she

> told me " I am tired of being alone at these family functions,

> I'd like to be with somebody " . Ok, that makes a lot of

> sense...????

>

> I don't know why I let it get to me, but it worked. I know I

> shouldn't have reacted but this holiday has been especially

> hard for me, realizing that I don't have a real mom and

> grieving what we used to have before she went completely off

> her rocker.

>

> After hanging up, I realized that she is doing this to make a

> big scene at the family gathering and draw all attention to

> herself. And also to make me and my brother feel awkward AND

> to show us she is in control, if possible, of our emotions as

> well.

>

> I want to call her bluff and not show up tomorrow. I have a 3

> year old daughter and I would love to see my aunts and cousins

> but I don't know that I'm up for seeing my mom making big

> dramatic entrances with some man just to prove a point to me

> and I don't know that I want to explain that " man friend " to

> my 3 year old.

>

> She can introduce a man friend properly to me and my family

> without throwing him in my face in a group full of people.

>

> Am I wrong in wanting to not show up? Be honest - I'm not

> looking for validation. I want HONEST opinions please. I feel

> really in a daze right now while learning about BPD.

--

Katrina

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
×
  • Create New...