Re: Nada sent our daughter a xmas card

[Guest guest]

I agree with the feeling of being undermined. To me it feels like Nada uses my

daughter to make out that she is not so bad and it is me who is the person

keeping her from Nada. I am made to look the bad guy. I feel for you in that

your daughter had a melt down. Lucky for me didn't and acknowledged that

I had been sent nothing and she offerd me $10. Of course I refused then nothing

more was mentioned.

It is also hard to make a 9 year old understand.

Last Christmas my daughter woke and witnessed my outburst to Nada and all that

was said to her. Many years of pain expressed.

She saw how upset I was and how Nada did not respond to my sadness for all the

years of hurt at all.

In someways I felt bad for this, even though I was speaking my truth and I did

it in a very assertive way rather than out of control way.

In other ways I am glad she heard it as she knows of my pain and how I told Nada

she had to change if she wanted to be in our lives. Nada said she was too old

to change. I also asked Nada to set me free of the responsibility of her and

her waife ways. She said in a half smart voice. " YOU ARE FREE " .

I think we really need our children to understand the best they can for their

age maturity. Why should I just pass over it and protect Nada like I have for

so many years already.

I dread the day that our daughter may contact Nada on her own when she is old

enough. Especially when they may become the rebelious teenager. I don't have

to worry about that for many years yet and it may not happen but it does cross

my mind. GIrls are more inclined to seek family members out. Hopefully Nada

would of smoked, gambled and drank her self 10 foot under by then.

Maybe when she is a teenager and asks any questions I can send her to Nada for a

few years to find out for herself. ha ha.

All jokes aside. I hope I am raising her to trust me that I have done the best

for all of us.

Kazam x

> > > >

> > > > I couldn't believe the nothingness I felt when our daughter came in from

the post with a card from Nada. She is 9 and opened it to find $30 in it.

There was no mention of my husband or myself. I have been NC since Feb. She

sent a card to her for Easter as well this year.

> > > > It felt good to feel so differently to her sending something again.

> > > > At Easter I pre-read the card and consulted my husband on what we should

do. Anxiety and sadness filled my bones.

> > > > This time I let open the card and felt no anxiety or attachment

to it at all even as she read it out.

> > > > The only thing I thought was of her being still the stubborn old so and

so that she is. She has dug her heals in and isn't going to admit she has a

problem and I have to accept her as she is or else I am wiped from the land of

the living.

> > > > Denial denial denial. I am the bad daughter and the golden child has

fallen from grace.

> > > > Feels so good to not care and want to give in to be back in her life. I

have moved on and it doesn't hurt anymore. The whole BPD thing amazes me that

Nada is willing to forgo her family members and live a dysfunctional life and

see no wrong in herself.

> > > > She prpbably thinks I am suffering by her coldness. In the past I would

have given in to her and gone back with my tail between my legs acepting her for

what she is and does.

> > > > I can't do it anymore and now that I am free of her I don't miss her.

> > > > I just feel freedom in not playing games and know that it was so

unhealthy for me.

> > > > It is harder having her in my life than not having her. I could fix the

NC tomorrow if I wanted but hey I DON'T WANT TO.

> > > > That would give her control back over me.

> > > > I am free FINALLY................................

> > > > Nice to see how far I have come. Especially when the same situation was

replayed throughout the year and I had a totally different response. Time does

heal.

> > > > Kazam x

> > > >

> > >

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