Guest guest Posted December 22, 2010 Report Share Posted December 22, 2010 Yeah, I felt invisible for years and years. To the point that it was disconcerting to me if someone met me and then remembered me later. > > > I am trying very hard to feel visible. > I had been the target of my mom's obsessions for so long and always wished > I could be invisible, under her intense unforgiving radar....and ironically, > I feel so invisible now when I don't want to be. > > I hate feeling isolated...even though I'm really not. > I have a very full house of people, and I still feel alone...I hate that. > > I know that after the holidays and new years', I will feel better. > With all the hype about being together with the family around the holidays, > I feel like it's a big party that I was not invited to. > > Never in a million years would I have thought that my entire family would > disintegrate into non-existence. > > I hate wishing away time, but I wish it were Jan 2. > > Amy (please check out my website dedicated to helping myself and others > from this pain...at ThePASS.Me Thanks.) > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2010 Report Share Posted December 23, 2010 Sometimes I do - - less than before since I've been in therapy. It's interesting too, because I'm an extrovert who is usually the life of the party - so I know I don't blend in. . . but at the same time I don't know. > > > Girlscout, > do you still feel invisible? > > > Re: invisible > > Yeah, I felt invisible for years and years. To the point that it was > disconcerting to me if someone met me and then remembered me later. > > On Wed, Dec 22, 2010 at 7:01 AM, wohlamy <barrycove@...<barrycove%40aol.com>> > wrote: > > > > > > > I am trying very hard to feel visible. > > I had been the target of my mom's obsessions for so long and always > wished > > I could be invisible, under her intense unforgiving radar....and > ironically, > > I feel so invisible now when I don't want to be. > > > > I hate feeling isolated...even though I'm really not. > > I have a very full house of people, and I still feel alone...I hate that. > > > > I know that after the holidays and new years', I will feel better. > > With all the hype about being together with the family around the > holidays, > > I feel like it's a big party that I was not invited to. > > > > Never in a million years would I have thought that my entire family would > > disintegrate into non-existence. > > > > I hate wishing away time, but I wish it were Jan 2. > > > > Amy (please check out my website dedicated to helping myself and others > > from this pain...at ThePASS.Me Thanks.) > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2010 Report Share Posted December 23, 2010 Sometimes I do - - less than before since I've been in therapy. It's interesting too, because I'm an extrovert who is usually the life of the party - so I know I don't blend in. . . but at the same time I don't know. > > > Girlscout, > do you still feel invisible? > > > Re: invisible > > Yeah, I felt invisible for years and years. To the point that it was > disconcerting to me if someone met me and then remembered me later. > > On Wed, Dec 22, 2010 at 7:01 AM, wohlamy <barrycove@...<barrycove%40aol.com>> > wrote: > > > > > > > I am trying very hard to feel visible. > > I had been the target of my mom's obsessions for so long and always > wished > > I could be invisible, under her intense unforgiving radar....and > ironically, > > I feel so invisible now when I don't want to be. > > > > I hate feeling isolated...even though I'm really not. > > I have a very full house of people, and I still feel alone...I hate that. > > > > I know that after the holidays and new years', I will feel better. > > With all the hype about being together with the family around the > holidays, > > I feel like it's a big party that I was not invited to. > > > > Never in a million years would I have thought that my entire family would > > disintegrate into non-existence. > > > > I hate wishing away time, but I wish it were Jan 2. > > > > Amy (please check out my website dedicated to helping myself and others > > from this pain...at ThePASS.Me Thanks.) > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2010 Report Share Posted December 23, 2010 I'll put it on my list to ask my T about. I've never thought my car was invisible ha ha. Just me - like if someone notices me in a room or remembers me from time to time its been a shock. > > > I find this very interesting, this feeling of invisibility. I have felt > that way before, driving around town and I remember one time thinking " this > guy waited for me to go, that proves I am visible! " How weird is that? I > wonder what this is about! Anybody has a clue? > > Del > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I am trying very hard to feel visible. > > > > I had been the target of my mom's obsessions for so long and always > > > wished > > > > I could be invisible, under her intense unforgiving radar....and > > > ironically, > > > > I feel so invisible now when I don't want to be. > > > > > > > > I hate feeling isolated...even though I'm really not. > > > > I have a very full house of people, and I still feel alone...I hate > that. > > > > > > > > I know that after the holidays and new years', I will feel better. > > > > With all the hype about being together with the family around the > > > holidays, > > > > I feel like it's a big party that I was not invited to. > > > > > > > > Never in a million years would I have thought that my entire family > would > > > > disintegrate into non-existence. > > > > > > > > I hate wishing away time, but I wish it were Jan 2. > > > > > > > > Amy (please check out my website dedicated to helping myself and > others > > > > from this pain...at ThePASS.Me Thanks.) > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 24, 2010 Report Share Posted December 24, 2010 I've read that the feeling of being invisible can be a symptom of " depersonalization " , defined as: " A dissociative symptom in which a person feels that his or her body is unreal, is changing, or is dissolving, often resulting from anxiety, stress, or fatigue. Also called " self-alienation. " It sometimes is accompanied by " derealization " , or a loss of the sensation that one's surroundings are real. The environment (including other people) seems strange, or distant, or flat (like watching a movie), colorless, dream-like, or somehow altered. If these feelings persist, happen frequently, and/or are causing you distress, then its worth looking into with a psychologist. -Annie > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I am trying very hard to feel visible. > > > > > > I had been the target of my mom's obsessions for so long and always > > > > > wished > > > > > > I could be invisible, under her intense unforgiving radar....and > > > > > ironically, > > > > > > I feel so invisible now when I don't want to be. > > > > > > > > > > > > I hate feeling isolated...even though I'm really not. > > > > > > I have a very full house of people, and I still feel alone...I hate > > > that. > > > > > > > > > > > > I know that after the holidays and new years', I will feel better. > > > > > > With all the hype about being together with the family around the > > > > > holidays, > > > > > > I feel like it's a big party that I was not invited to. > > > > > > > > > > > > Never in a million years would I have thought that my entire family > > > would > > > > > > disintegrate into non-existence. > > > > > > > > > > > > I hate wishing away time, but I wish it were Jan 2. > > > > > > > > > > > > Amy (please check out my website dedicated to helping myself and > > > others > > > > > > from this pain...at ThePASS.Me Thanks.) > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 24, 2010 Report Share Posted December 24, 2010 Yup,Annie,you're exactly right: feeling invisible can definitely be a symptom of depersonalization and having disconnects of perception with the rest of the world can totally be a symptom of derealization. I have suffered from both of these for the (not so) better part of my life.Since I've brought the feelings and awareness of my traumas to the forefront of my mind and have consciously thought them through I'm not anywhere near as depersonalized as I once was but I used to feel " immaterial " and sort of invisible all the time.I can identify with finding it odd when people actually remembered me or noticed me--or completely not being able to understand when guys stared at me...Sometimes still when I am stressed out I will say to someone when meeting them for the first time " It's so nice to meet you " and completely forget to introduce myself by name! It doesn't even occur to me when I'm distracted by stress to actually introduce *myself*,like I forget that part--I still have something of a " depersonalized ego " . For me,the " cure " for the acute depersonalization/derealization was getting in touch with how I actually feel about my abuse and actively going into the stages of grieving those hurts and those losses.I don't feel so ghostlike anymore on a daily basis,just sometimes when I'm really stressed out. > > > > I'm glad that amuses you. > > > > Del Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 24, 2010 Report Share Posted December 24, 2010 Yup,Annie,you're exactly right: feeling invisible can definitely be a symptom of depersonalization and having disconnects of perception with the rest of the world can totally be a symptom of derealization. I have suffered from both of these for the (not so) better part of my life.Since I've brought the feelings and awareness of my traumas to the forefront of my mind and have consciously thought them through I'm not anywhere near as depersonalized as I once was but I used to feel " immaterial " and sort of invisible all the time.I can identify with finding it odd when people actually remembered me or noticed me--or completely not being able to understand when guys stared at me...Sometimes still when I am stressed out I will say to someone when meeting them for the first time " It's so nice to meet you " and completely forget to introduce myself by name! It doesn't even occur to me when I'm distracted by stress to actually introduce *myself*,like I forget that part--I still have something of a " depersonalized ego " . For me,the " cure " for the acute depersonalization/derealization was getting in touch with how I actually feel about my abuse and actively going into the stages of grieving those hurts and those losses.I don't feel so ghostlike anymore on a daily basis,just sometimes when I'm really stressed out. > > > > I'm glad that amuses you. > > > > Del Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 24, 2010 Report Share Posted December 24, 2010 Yup,Annie,you're exactly right: feeling invisible can definitely be a symptom of depersonalization and having disconnects of perception with the rest of the world can totally be a symptom of derealization. I have suffered from both of these for the (not so) better part of my life.Since I've brought the feelings and awareness of my traumas to the forefront of my mind and have consciously thought them through I'm not anywhere near as depersonalized as I once was but I used to feel " immaterial " and sort of invisible all the time.I can identify with finding it odd when people actually remembered me or noticed me--or completely not being able to understand when guys stared at me...Sometimes still when I am stressed out I will say to someone when meeting them for the first time " It's so nice to meet you " and completely forget to introduce myself by name! It doesn't even occur to me when I'm distracted by stress to actually introduce *myself*,like I forget that part--I still have something of a " depersonalized ego " . For me,the " cure " for the acute depersonalization/derealization was getting in touch with how I actually feel about my abuse and actively going into the stages of grieving those hurts and those losses.I don't feel so ghostlike anymore on a daily basis,just sometimes when I'm really stressed out. > > > > I'm glad that amuses you. > > > > Del Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 28, 2010 Report Share Posted December 28, 2010 I have always felt invisible. Growing up I sometimes starved myself for weeks or months so my body image would match how I felt. I remember the feeling of laying in my bed and just wishing I could melt away, Then when I moved back in with nada when I was 24 began binge eating. I gained almost 80 lbs. I somehow felt that being huge would make me invisable? Like I could just blend in. Two years ago I lost 100+ lbs and I got all kinds of attention, mostly from strangers. Somehow I felt good but pretty much DECIDED to put most of the weight back on. I didn't like people " seeing " me for the 1st time. It felt too uncomfortable. Maybe its partly due to the fact that my mother started accusing me of wanting to seduce men at age 8 and still to this day accuses me of being " a whore " coupled with the fact that I am MOST DEFINITELY invisible to my nada and her flying moneys (my sibs). My youngest brother was born 2 days shy of my 10th bday. I didn't have a birthday that year because nada was in the hospital with the baby. I totally understood. But since that summer 26 years ago nada has only remembered a handful of times. I celebrate HER birthday 2 weeks before mine every year, and she and I have always planned my bros b-day together but she never remembers me. My dad doesn't even know when my b-day is. He knows its in the summer, but I think its been almost 15 yrs since he's acknowledged it at all. He takes my sis out every year for her bday because his bday is a week before hers therefore he remembers it. To top it off, my adult bros have NEVER given me a birthday or christmas gift. The 3 sibs remember each other, but never me. Every year I gave them christmas and birthday gifts but never got any in return. One of my bros always got my dh a gift but never me. That totally made me feel invisable. Here is the whole family exchanging thoughtful gifts and im just sitting there like a dope. But here is the worst part-when I speak, my family turns away and starts another conversation with someone else. At first I thought it was all in my head. Then I expressed my feelings to my dh. He told me that I must be mistaken. My sis was on her way over so I asked my hubby to just observe and see if I am mispercieving it. My sis came in, sat down, and started playing with the kids. She turned and asked me some kind of lighthearted question about our new house or something. FOUR WORDS INTO THE ANSWER she physically turned her back to me and started talking to the kids. Dh raised an eyebrow from across the room. I stopped talking she never noticed. A few minutes later I tried to talk again and again, just a few words into it, she got up and went outside with the kids without saying a word to me. Dh was SHOCKED. He had never seen someone so DISREGARDED before. My sis and her partner have come to dinner at my house, done the same ignoring thing, help themselves to ANYTHING in any cabinet and even take food right off my plate with their fingers. When I talk to her partner she gives me a blank look then turns and talks to other people. My 28 yo bro stayed here in october for a night. I had to leave early in the morning. When I got home he had left. He left my livingroom strewn with blankets, pillows, and trash from the food he ate. He left dirty dishes in two rooms and drank the few beers we keep in the back of the fridge and left the empties everywhere. No thought as to how ridiculous it is to leave such a mess for me to clean up! I could also TOTALLY relate to the " flat " feeling of my environment.that happened to me quite a bit during The Worst Years aka highschool. I often felt like the world around me was made of paper and I could just tear it to pieces if I wanted to but I felt too weak and exahusted to be able to even attempt to tear it. I mean I KNEW it wasn't made of paper but I visualized it as such and wished I felt enough energy to be able to lift my arms and try. Is that the same thing? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I am trying very hard to feel visible. > > > > > > > I had been the target of my mom's obsessions for so long and always > > > > > > wished > > > > > > > I could be invisible, under her intense unforgiving radar....and > > > > > > ironically, > > > > > > > I feel so invisible now when I don't want to be. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I hate feeling isolated...even though I'm really not. > > > > > > > I have a very full house of people, and I still feel alone...I hate > > > > that. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I know that after the holidays and new years', I will feel better. > > > > > > > With all the hype about being together with the family around the > > > > > > holidays, > > > > > > > I feel like it's a big party that I was not invited to. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Never in a million years would I have thought that my entire family > > > > would > > > > > > > disintegrate into non-existence. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I hate wishing away time, but I wish it were Jan 2. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Amy (please check out my website dedicated to helping myself and > > > > others > > > > > > > from this pain...at ThePASS.Me Thanks.) > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 28, 2010 Report Share Posted December 28, 2010 I have always felt invisible. Growing up I sometimes starved myself for weeks or months so my body image would match how I felt. I remember the feeling of laying in my bed and just wishing I could melt away, Then when I moved back in with nada when I was 24 began binge eating. I gained almost 80 lbs. I somehow felt that being huge would make me invisable? Like I could just blend in. Two years ago I lost 100+ lbs and I got all kinds of attention, mostly from strangers. Somehow I felt good but pretty much DECIDED to put most of the weight back on. I didn't like people " seeing " me for the 1st time. It felt too uncomfortable. Maybe its partly due to the fact that my mother started accusing me of wanting to seduce men at age 8 and still to this day accuses me of being " a whore " coupled with the fact that I am MOST DEFINITELY invisible to my nada and her flying moneys (my sibs). My youngest brother was born 2 days shy of my 10th bday. I didn't have a birthday that year because nada was in the hospital with the baby. I totally understood. But since that summer 26 years ago nada has only remembered a handful of times. I celebrate HER birthday 2 weeks before mine every year, and she and I have always planned my bros b-day together but she never remembers me. My dad doesn't even know when my b-day is. He knows its in the summer, but I think its been almost 15 yrs since he's acknowledged it at all. He takes my sis out every year for her bday because his bday is a week before hers therefore he remembers it. To top it off, my adult bros have NEVER given me a birthday or christmas gift. The 3 sibs remember each other, but never me. Every year I gave them christmas and birthday gifts but never got any in return. One of my bros always got my dh a gift but never me. That totally made me feel invisable. Here is the whole family exchanging thoughtful gifts and im just sitting there like a dope. But here is the worst part-when I speak, my family turns away and starts another conversation with someone else. At first I thought it was all in my head. Then I expressed my feelings to my dh. He told me that I must be mistaken. My sis was on her way over so I asked my hubby to just observe and see if I am mispercieving it. My sis came in, sat down, and started playing with the kids. She turned and asked me some kind of lighthearted question about our new house or something. FOUR WORDS INTO THE ANSWER she physically turned her back to me and started talking to the kids. Dh raised an eyebrow from across the room. I stopped talking she never noticed. A few minutes later I tried to talk again and again, just a few words into it, she got up and went outside with the kids without saying a word to me. Dh was SHOCKED. He had never seen someone so DISREGARDED before. My sis and her partner have come to dinner at my house, done the same ignoring thing, help themselves to ANYTHING in any cabinet and even take food right off my plate with their fingers. When I talk to her partner she gives me a blank look then turns and talks to other people. My 28 yo bro stayed here in october for a night. I had to leave early in the morning. When I got home he had left. He left my livingroom strewn with blankets, pillows, and trash from the food he ate. He left dirty dishes in two rooms and drank the few beers we keep in the back of the fridge and left the empties everywhere. No thought as to how ridiculous it is to leave such a mess for me to clean up! I could also TOTALLY relate to the " flat " feeling of my environment.that happened to me quite a bit during The Worst Years aka highschool. I often felt like the world around me was made of paper and I could just tear it to pieces if I wanted to but I felt too weak and exahusted to be able to even attempt to tear it. I mean I KNEW it wasn't made of paper but I visualized it as such and wished I felt enough energy to be able to lift my arms and try. Is that the same thing? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I am trying very hard to feel visible. > > > > > > > I had been the target of my mom's obsessions for so long and always > > > > > > wished > > > > > > > I could be invisible, under her intense unforgiving radar....and > > > > > > ironically, > > > > > > > I feel so invisible now when I don't want to be. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I hate feeling isolated...even though I'm really not. > > > > > > > I have a very full house of people, and I still feel alone...I hate > > > > that. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I know that after the holidays and new years', I will feel better. > > > > > > > With all the hype about being together with the family around the > > > > > > holidays, > > > > > > > I feel like it's a big party that I was not invited to. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Never in a million years would I have thought that my entire family > > > > would > > > > > > > disintegrate into non-existence. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I hate wishing away time, but I wish it were Jan 2. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Amy (please check out my website dedicated to helping myself and > > > > others > > > > > > > from this pain...at ThePASS.Me Thanks.) > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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