Nada sent our daughter a xmas card

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I couldn't believe the nothingness I felt when our daughter came in from the

post with a card from Nada. She is 9 and opened it to find $30 in it. There

was no mention of my husband or myself. I have been NC since Feb. She sent a

card to her for Easter as well this year.

It felt good to feel so differently to her sending something again.

At Easter I pre-read the card and consulted my husband on what we should do.

Anxiety and sadness filled my bones.

This time I let open the card and felt no anxiety or attachment to it at

all even as she read it out.

The only thing I thought was of her being still the stubborn old so and so that

she is. She has dug her heals in and isn't going to admit she has a problem and

I have to accept her as she is or else I am wiped from the land of the living.

Denial denial denial. I am the bad daughter and the golden child has fallen

from grace.

Feels so good to not care and want to give in to be back in her life. I have

moved on and it doesn't hurt anymore. The whole BPD thing amazes me that Nada

is willing to forgo her family members and live a dysfunctional life and see no

wrong in herself.

She prpbably thinks I am suffering by her coldness. In the past I would have

given in to her and gone back with my tail between my legs acepting her for what

she is and does.

I can't do it anymore and now that I am free of her I don't miss her.

I just feel freedom in not playing games and know that it was so unhealthy for

me.

It is harder having her in my life than not having her. I could fix the NC

tomorrow if I wanted but hey I DON'T WANT TO.

That would give her control back over me.

I am free FINALLY................................

Nice to see how far I have come. Especially when the same situation was

replayed throughout the year and I had a totally different response. Time does

heal.

Kazam x