Re: Nada coming with cancer

[Guest guest]

Thank you Yenaine.

I'll try to work with FOG...yes, it's always after me all the time.

Not to lose my temper is very difficult when I'm with her and always end up

with her screaming she's going to suicide.

How did you control yourself when she attacks you?

I read Stop Walking in Egg Shells, I understood but, I don't why, I just don't

succeed in

not blow up when she starts her game...

the book is great but I can't use the tips when it's necessary..

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Tue, December 21, 2010 4:04:25 AM

Subject: Re: Nada coming with cancer

Helo MOnica Hatsu. My mother has no cancer but she is in hospital and I'm

the only one to take care for her. Before I had allways lost my temper but

this time I had had enough and I decided to refused to play our games.

She called me (few weeks ago) that she would make a suicide. I told her (

firmly and calmly) that she had to decide that for herself, because that is

her life and that I'm not qualified for helping her but I would suggested

her to go to the hospital to seek some help.

She than made a fake suicide. I called emergency and they brought her to

hospital. She has continued with manipulation in hospital. For example she

was pretending that she had collapsed but her doctor knew all the tricks and

when she found out that her manipulation won't work she became more calm and

she started to cooperate with him ( at least a bit).

I decided to help her but just as much as I can and as much is good for me

too. I've told her (calmly and firmly) that I can come every 7-10 days

without explaining much why. She felt that I mean it and she accepted that.

She claimed that they have treated her badly and I have to fight for her. I

said to her ( calmly and firmly:) that I think the personal is ok and that

they are professionals who knows more that we are. She felt that I mean it

and I won't fell in that trap so she stops it.

Than she refused that social worker who has the keys from her house brings

her some of her clothes. She claimed she doesn't trust her and I have to

gave her some of my clothes. I told her that I don't have any spare clothes

and if she would like to have her own clothes she had to accept help from

social worker. Than I called social worker and permit her to go into house

( nada didn't know that and I still have to see how she would react. But I

have bought her some clothes for Christmas's gift I'll give them to her in

next days.

And because I'm not cooperating in her drama more that I'm willing to and

I'm not giving more that I can give - I'm calm, not angry or frustrated.

And I found out that she is calmer too ( after first big dramas). Somebody

has to stop the old games and old patterns even if nada is in hospital (

anyway - allways is some " emergency " ..)

After all she did to me she should be thankful that I'm even helping her.

If she is not thankfull or she things that it is not enough that is her

problem not mine. I know i give her what I can, my conscious is calm and

clean.

And if FOG is attacking - I have a deep conversation with myself and

remember about what is all about :-) or talk to a good friend who

understands or write something here.

Find out what you are willing and capable of doing , make a plan and

boundaries and than stick to that.

I found out that the fear of what will happened if...is much much worst than

reality itself.

Hope it helps.

Yenaine

2010/12/20 Hatsu

>

>

> For a long time I didn't come here in a attempt to keep away those feelings

> that

> are always surrounding me every time I talk to my Nada or think about her.

> Not checking here was a way to minimize the time thinking about all this

> BPD

> world.

> It was working I think ,'cause she was in the other side of the planet.

> Now I got a big X'mas gift: she's arriving on the X'mas day for a medical

> check

> up (again) 'cause she has a diagnostic of breast cancer level 1.

> In the hospital where she lives, they are preparing her for a surgery but

> she

> doesn't trust the doctor and there's nobody to care of her unless she pays

> for

> that and

> she doesn't trust anybody anyway. The only person is me, only daughter,

> pretty

> tired of her in good physical health and I just don't know how I'll stand

> the

> next few months. SHe didn't even arrived and I almost can not control my

> nerves. Sometimes I wonder if I have BPD or any other disorder 'cause I

> easily

> lost control when is around and I know that I need to be strong but I'm

> very

> tired already.

> Any suggestions?

>

>