Guest guest Posted December 23, 2010 Report Share Posted December 23, 2010 I am sooo sorry for your loss. You did not betray him, you gave him peace. Remember that. You did what was best for him and it was through love that you took him to the vet and gave him that shot. If you were truly selfish, or mean or not looking out for him, you would not have done this. It's SO hard to come to that moment when you realize that you are keeping a sick friend alive for our own benefit. He will always be with you. After we had to put our first fur baby to sleep, due to illness, the vet hospital sent us this poem. You likely have read it, but I think its amazing: The Rainbow Bridge Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable. All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart. Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together.... Author unknown... > > I'm sorry this topic is such a downer...Usually I pretty much ignore Christmas day but this year that's going to be a challenge (to not feel yuck) because on Tuesday my oldest cat lost his battle with pancreatic cancer.I knew that was going to happen sooner rather than later but I was hoping he'd make it to the New Year.He went from being ok (considering) to rapidly failing in one day. > > I feel like an emotional wreck because I couldn't save my baby at the end; I couldn't make it better for him.He trusted me totally and he loved me--early on Tuesday morning he cried out in pain for the first time and I knew it was time to say goodbye,but when I petted him and talked to him he completely relaxed and was so soothed,like mommy's loving touch and mommy's loving words made everything ok...and if only,if only that could have been enough...there is something about that that is killing me emotionally now,I'm not sure why...how he perceived my love as healing when I knew it wasn't going to be enough to spare him.The poignancy of him being able to completely trust in his mommy,when that is something I never had--and yet being able to be that mommy for him wasn't enough.And he was such a precious little guy,so sweet and so innocent...He was responsive to me and soothed by me right up to the end,not like how they say a cat wants to be alone when they die: he wanted me with him...and he kept trusting me,like trusting that I could make it better,although I had to " betray " his trust with euthanasia. > > All I wanted to do was make it all better for him and I just wanted with all of my being for that dying not to be happening to him.Nada used to tell me to kill myself and manufactured a couple of scenarios when I was a child when I could have died and I'm acutely aware of how *opposite* that is to how I was/am feeling about my little baby cat,acutely aware of how *un* maternal nada was with me.My heart was just breaking for my cat--it still is breaking--and nada's " heart " was so cold to all of my suffering.So I have not just my cat dying in time for Christmas (when I was due to be born at Christmas,hence my name) but also realizing again and even more deeply how sick nada was to just not care about me at all.I can't understand how a mother's heart wouldn't just break if her baby is in pain.And how she never soothed me.The contrast with how I feel about my baby so stark and it's triggering bad memories when I need to have some psychic space here to grieve the passing of my cat. > > I brought him back from the vet's and he's out on my front porch still wrapped in a rose colored blanket,the color of love.I need to get out there today before it starts to snow to bury him in the backyard but I'm having such a hard time letting him go.I feel like I can't bear that moment of finality. > > If any of you could say a prayer or somesuch for a very sweet,cuddly,gentle kitty who never harmed anything or anyone (he was an indoor cat) to help me send him on his way...My own thoughts are so convoluted right now,I have tried to concentrate on letting his spirit be free but I keep having flashbacks of nada being nasty to me (in contrast to how much I loved my cat) and they're intruding on the sanctity of any spiritual thoughts I'm trying to direct his way. > > His name was Sprite but I usually called him by his nickname,Bunny,because he hopped when he was playing.He loved to leap up on his hind legs to catch his " bird on a wire " toy,he slobbered over catnip and kitty caviar,he liked to sleep stretched out in the V of my legs at night,when I came in from grocery shopping he always had to inspect all the bags,he liked to carry the plastic tab from a milk bottle top around in his mouth like it was a prize and to bat at my shoelaces when I was tying my shoes...He purred alot and liked to be held and kissed on the top of his head.He's been with me since I returned to the States--two months after I came back here I saw something being pushed out of a car that drove off and when I went to see what it was,there was a little long haired grey kitten flattened to the ground and shaking in the dark.He's been my loyal friend through out everything I've gone through with nada and fada since my return.He's given me love,love,and more love no matter what was going on in my life.He was a pure soul of joy and goodness. > > Thanks for listening.I feel like a mess trying to find words for this.And again,sorry it's such a downer. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2010 Report Share Posted December 23, 2010 I wanted to also mention, that our first cat/baby also had cancer, the vet thinks of the liver. She too went from being fine one day, to having to take multiple breaks (panting) from just walking across the room. Our first child was only 8 weeks old, and it wasn't until that very moment that I realized we were being horribly selfish. My heart goes out to you. What we did, was made a little shrine to her. We bought a candle holder with a pewter cat on it, and a matching photo frame. She will always be with us. Maybe you should do the same for your Bunny? > > > > I'm sorry this topic is such a downer...Usually I pretty much ignore Christmas day but this year that's going to be a challenge (to not feel yuck) because on Tuesday my oldest cat lost his battle with pancreatic cancer.I knew that was going to happen sooner rather than later but I was hoping he'd make it to the New Year.He went from being ok (considering) to rapidly failing in one day. > > > > I feel like an emotional wreck because I couldn't save my baby at the end; I couldn't make it better for him.He trusted me totally and he loved me--early on Tuesday morning he cried out in pain for the first time and I knew it was time to say goodbye,but when I petted him and talked to him he completely relaxed and was so soothed,like mommy's loving touch and mommy's loving words made everything ok...and if only,if only that could have been enough...there is something about that that is killing me emotionally now,I'm not sure why...how he perceived my love as healing when I knew it wasn't going to be enough to spare him.The poignancy of him being able to completely trust in his mommy,when that is something I never had--and yet being able to be that mommy for him wasn't enough.And he was such a precious little guy,so sweet and so innocent...He was responsive to me and soothed by me right up to the end,not like how they say a cat wants to be alone when they die: he wanted me with him...and he kept trusting me,like trusting that I could make it better,although I had to " betray " his trust with euthanasia. > > > > All I wanted to do was make it all better for him and I just wanted with all of my being for that dying not to be happening to him.Nada used to tell me to kill myself and manufactured a couple of scenarios when I was a child when I could have died and I'm acutely aware of how *opposite* that is to how I was/am feeling about my little baby cat,acutely aware of how *un* maternal nada was with me.My heart was just breaking for my cat--it still is breaking--and nada's " heart " was so cold to all of my suffering.So I have not just my cat dying in time for Christmas (when I was due to be born at Christmas,hence my name) but also realizing again and even more deeply how sick nada was to just not care about me at all.I can't understand how a mother's heart wouldn't just break if her baby is in pain.And how she never soothed me.The contrast with how I feel about my baby so stark and it's triggering bad memories when I need to have some psychic space here to grieve the passing of my cat. > > > > I brought him back from the vet's and he's out on my front porch still wrapped in a rose colored blanket,the color of love.I need to get out there today before it starts to snow to bury him in the backyard but I'm having such a hard time letting him go.I feel like I can't bear that moment of finality. > > > > If any of you could say a prayer or somesuch for a very sweet,cuddly,gentle kitty who never harmed anything or anyone (he was an indoor cat) to help me send him on his way...My own thoughts are so convoluted right now,I have tried to concentrate on letting his spirit be free but I keep having flashbacks of nada being nasty to me (in contrast to how much I loved my cat) and they're intruding on the sanctity of any spiritual thoughts I'm trying to direct his way. > > > > His name was Sprite but I usually called him by his nickname,Bunny,because he hopped when he was playing.He loved to leap up on his hind legs to catch his " bird on a wire " toy,he slobbered over catnip and kitty caviar,he liked to sleep stretched out in the V of my legs at night,when I came in from grocery shopping he always had to inspect all the bags,he liked to carry the plastic tab from a milk bottle top around in his mouth like it was a prize and to bat at my shoelaces when I was tying my shoes...He purred alot and liked to be held and kissed on the top of his head.He's been with me since I returned to the States--two months after I came back here I saw something being pushed out of a car that drove off and when I went to see what it was,there was a little long haired grey kitten flattened to the ground and shaking in the dark.He's been my loyal friend through out everything I've gone through with nada and fada since my return.He's given me love,love,and more love no matter what was going on in my life.He was a pure soul of joy and goodness. > > > > Thanks for listening.I feel like a mess trying to find words for this.And again,sorry it's such a downer. > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2010 Report Share Posted December 23, 2010 As a cat-holic, I completely sympathize ::hugs:: Sometimes the best love we can show is letting go. You loved Bunny enough to provide the best life for him, and you love him enough to let him go when his time came. I was only a foster mommy for some kittens, when one went from playful one day to failing miserably the next, and to the process of dying when my husband and I took her to the shelter for the vet to take care of...and let her go. I hadn't cried like that in such a long time, when I knew I had lost my family, when my fada disowned me. You're not alone in drawing parallels between caring for your baby in a loving family to your unloving family with nada. Praying for both you and your cute kitty--and will ask St. Francis to pray, too. Holly On Thu, Dec 23, 2010 at 10:56 AM, christine.depizan < christine.depizan@...> wrote: > > > I'm sorry this topic is such a downer...Usually I pretty much ignore > Christmas day but this year that's going to be a challenge (to not feel > yuck) because on Tuesday my oldest cat lost his battle with pancreatic > cancer.I knew that was going to happen sooner rather than later but I was > hoping he'd make it to the New Year.He went from being ok (considering) to > rapidly failing in one day. > > I feel like an emotional wreck because I couldn't save my baby at the end; > I couldn't make it better for him.He trusted me totally and he loved > me--early on Tuesday morning he cried out in pain for the first time and I > knew it was time to say goodbye,but when I petted him and talked to him he > completely relaxed and was so soothed,like mommy's loving touch and mommy's > loving words made everything ok...and if only,if only that could have been > enough...there is something about that that is killing me emotionally > now,I'm not sure why...how he perceived my love as healing when I knew it > wasn't going to be enough to spare him.The poignancy of him being able to > completely trust in his mommy,when that is something I never had--and yet > being able to be that mommy for him wasn't enough.And he was such a precious > little guy,so sweet and so innocent...He was responsive to me and soothed by > me right up to the end,not like how they say a cat wants to be alone when > they die: he wanted me with him...and he kept trusting me,like trusting that > I could make it better,although I had to " betray " his trust with euthanasia. > > All I wanted to do was make it all better for him and I just wanted with > all of my being for that dying not to be happening to him.Nada used to tell > me to kill myself and manufactured a couple of scenarios when I was a child > when I could have died and I'm acutely aware of how *opposite* that is to > how I was/am feeling about my little baby cat,acutely aware of how *un* > maternal nada was with me.My heart was just breaking for my cat--it still is > breaking--and nada's " heart " was so cold to all of my suffering.So I have > not just my cat dying in time for Christmas (when I was due to be born at > Christmas,hence my name) but also realizing again and even more deeply how > sick nada was to just not care about me at all.I can't understand how a > mother's heart wouldn't just break if her baby is in pain.And how she never > soothed me.The contrast with how I feel about my baby so stark and it's > triggering bad memories when I need to have some psychic space here to > grieve the passing of my cat. > > I brought him back from the vet's and he's out on my front porch still > wrapped in a rose colored blanket,the color of love.I need to get out there > today before it starts to snow to bury him in the backyard but I'm having > such a hard time letting him go.I feel like I can't bear that moment of > finality. > > If any of you could say a prayer or somesuch for a very sweet,cuddly,gentle > kitty who never harmed anything or anyone (he was an indoor cat) to help me > send him on his way...My own thoughts are so convoluted right now,I have > tried to concentrate on letting his spirit be free but I keep having > flashbacks of nada being nasty to me (in contrast to how much I loved my > cat) and they're intruding on the sanctity of any spiritual thoughts I'm > trying to direct his way. > > His name was Sprite but I usually called him by his nickname,Bunny,because > he hopped when he was playing.He loved to leap up on his hind legs to catch > his " bird on a wire " toy,he slobbered over catnip and kitty caviar,he liked > to sleep stretched out in the V of my legs at night,when I came in from > grocery shopping he always had to inspect all the bags,he liked to carry the > plastic tab from a milk bottle top around in his mouth like it was a prize > and to bat at my shoelaces when I was tying my shoes...He purred alot and > liked to be held and kissed on the top of his head.He's been with me since I > returned to the States--two months after I came back here I saw something > being pushed out of a car that drove off and when I went to see what it > was,there was a little long haired grey kitten flattened to the ground and > shaking in the dark.He's been my loyal friend through out everything I've > gone through with nada and fada since my return.He's given me love,love,and > more love no matter what was going on in my life.He was a pure soul of joy > and goodness. > > Thanks for listening.I feel like a mess trying to find words for this.And > again,sorry it's such a downer. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2010 Report Share Posted December 23, 2010 As a cat-holic, I completely sympathize ::hugs:: Sometimes the best love we can show is letting go. You loved Bunny enough to provide the best life for him, and you love him enough to let him go when his time came. I was only a foster mommy for some kittens, when one went from playful one day to failing miserably the next, and to the process of dying when my husband and I took her to the shelter for the vet to take care of...and let her go. I hadn't cried like that in such a long time, when I knew I had lost my family, when my fada disowned me. You're not alone in drawing parallels between caring for your baby in a loving family to your unloving family with nada. Praying for both you and your cute kitty--and will ask St. Francis to pray, too. Holly On Thu, Dec 23, 2010 at 10:56 AM, christine.depizan < christine.depizan@...> wrote: > > > I'm sorry this topic is such a downer...Usually I pretty much ignore > Christmas day but this year that's going to be a challenge (to not feel > yuck) because on Tuesday my oldest cat lost his battle with pancreatic > cancer.I knew that was going to happen sooner rather than later but I was > hoping he'd make it to the New Year.He went from being ok (considering) to > rapidly failing in one day. > > I feel like an emotional wreck because I couldn't save my baby at the end; > I couldn't make it better for him.He trusted me totally and he loved > me--early on Tuesday morning he cried out in pain for the first time and I > knew it was time to say goodbye,but when I petted him and talked to him he > completely relaxed and was so soothed,like mommy's loving touch and mommy's > loving words made everything ok...and if only,if only that could have been > enough...there is something about that that is killing me emotionally > now,I'm not sure why...how he perceived my love as healing when I knew it > wasn't going to be enough to spare him.The poignancy of him being able to > completely trust in his mommy,when that is something I never had--and yet > being able to be that mommy for him wasn't enough.And he was such a precious > little guy,so sweet and so innocent...He was responsive to me and soothed by > me right up to the end,not like how they say a cat wants to be alone when > they die: he wanted me with him...and he kept trusting me,like trusting that > I could make it better,although I had to " betray " his trust with euthanasia. > > All I wanted to do was make it all better for him and I just wanted with > all of my being for that dying not to be happening to him.Nada used to tell > me to kill myself and manufactured a couple of scenarios when I was a child > when I could have died and I'm acutely aware of how *opposite* that is to > how I was/am feeling about my little baby cat,acutely aware of how *un* > maternal nada was with me.My heart was just breaking for my cat--it still is > breaking--and nada's " heart " was so cold to all of my suffering.So I have > not just my cat dying in time for Christmas (when I was due to be born at > Christmas,hence my name) but also realizing again and even more deeply how > sick nada was to just not care about me at all.I can't understand how a > mother's heart wouldn't just break if her baby is in pain.And how she never > soothed me.The contrast with how I feel about my baby so stark and it's > triggering bad memories when I need to have some psychic space here to > grieve the passing of my cat. > > I brought him back from the vet's and he's out on my front porch still > wrapped in a rose colored blanket,the color of love.I need to get out there > today before it starts to snow to bury him in the backyard but I'm having > such a hard time letting him go.I feel like I can't bear that moment of > finality. > > If any of you could say a prayer or somesuch for a very sweet,cuddly,gentle > kitty who never harmed anything or anyone (he was an indoor cat) to help me > send him on his way...My own thoughts are so convoluted right now,I have > tried to concentrate on letting his spirit be free but I keep having > flashbacks of nada being nasty to me (in contrast to how much I loved my > cat) and they're intruding on the sanctity of any spiritual thoughts I'm > trying to direct his way. > > His name was Sprite but I usually called him by his nickname,Bunny,because > he hopped when he was playing.He loved to leap up on his hind legs to catch > his " bird on a wire " toy,he slobbered over catnip and kitty caviar,he liked > to sleep stretched out in the V of my legs at night,when I came in from > grocery shopping he always had to inspect all the bags,he liked to carry the > plastic tab from a milk bottle top around in his mouth like it was a prize > and to bat at my shoelaces when I was tying my shoes...He purred alot and > liked to be held and kissed on the top of his head.He's been with me since I > returned to the States--two months after I came back here I saw something > being pushed out of a car that drove off and when I went to see what it > was,there was a little long haired grey kitten flattened to the ground and > shaking in the dark.He's been my loyal friend through out everything I've > gone through with nada and fada since my return.He's given me love,love,and > more love no matter what was going on in my life.He was a pure soul of joy > and goodness. > > Thanks for listening.I feel like a mess trying to find words for this.And > again,sorry it's such a downer. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2010 Report Share Posted December 23, 2010 Thank you so much, and Holly. Those words about the Rainbow Bridge always make me cry.I hope he's safe and contented now.It's really hard that I can't do anything to make sure that is so. I completely forgot about St Francis.That would be an altar that might make me feel better,to have a photo of Bunny placed on a statue of St Francis,with a candle to light for him.I do feel like I need to keep some monument to him in the house because this was *his* house and it's really weird that he's gone. And thank you Holly for understanding the grief parallel and for your prayers. > > As a cat-holic, I completely sympathize ::hugs:: Sometimes the best love we > can show is letting go. You loved Bunny enough to provide the best life for > him, and you love him enough to let him go when his time came. > > I was only a foster mommy for some kittens, when one went from playful one > day to failing miserably the next, and to the process of dying when my > husband and I took her to the shelter for the vet to take care of...and let > her go. I hadn't cried like that in such a long time, when I knew I had lost > my family, when my fada disowned me. You're not alone in drawing parallels > between caring for your baby in a loving family to your unloving family with > nada. > > Praying for both you and your cute kitty--and will ask St. Francis to pray, > too. > > Holly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2010 Report Share Posted December 23, 2010 Thank you so much, and Holly. Those words about the Rainbow Bridge always make me cry.I hope he's safe and contented now.It's really hard that I can't do anything to make sure that is so. I completely forgot about St Francis.That would be an altar that might make me feel better,to have a photo of Bunny placed on a statue of St Francis,with a candle to light for him.I do feel like I need to keep some monument to him in the house because this was *his* house and it's really weird that he's gone. And thank you Holly for understanding the grief parallel and for your prayers. > > As a cat-holic, I completely sympathize ::hugs:: Sometimes the best love we > can show is letting go. You loved Bunny enough to provide the best life for > him, and you love him enough to let him go when his time came. > > I was only a foster mommy for some kittens, when one went from playful one > day to failing miserably the next, and to the process of dying when my > husband and I took her to the shelter for the vet to take care of...and let > her go. I hadn't cried like that in such a long time, when I knew I had lost > my family, when my fada disowned me. You're not alone in drawing parallels > between caring for your baby in a loving family to your unloving family with > nada. > > Praying for both you and your cute kitty--and will ask St. Francis to pray, > too. > > Holly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2010 Report Share Posted December 23, 2010 I'm so sorry; its very hard to lose our little " babies " . I had two that eventually died of old age a few years apart from each other, and even though I could tell they were starting to be in pain and it was time for them to go, it was so hard to lose them each time. The older one, a girl, was more like a dog than a cat; very intelligent, learned tricks, and would come and get me like Lassie if something was going on in another part of the house that she thought needed my attention; she'd lead me there, looking back to make sure I was following. So cute. I still have dreams about that kitty in particular. I'm sure you were a marvelous cat mom to your little Bunny and he was very lucky to have gotten you as his mommy. best wishes, -Annie > > I'm sorry this topic is such a downer...Usually I pretty much ignore Christmas day but this year that's going to be a challenge (to not feel yuck) because on Tuesday my oldest cat lost his battle with pancreatic cancer.I knew that was going to happen sooner rather than later but I was hoping he'd make it to the New Year.He went from being ok (considering) to rapidly failing in one day. > > I feel like an emotional wreck because I couldn't save my baby at the end; I couldn't make it better for him.He trusted me totally and he loved me--early on Tuesday morning he cried out in pain for the first time and I knew it was time to say goodbye,but when I petted him and talked to him he completely relaxed and was so soothed,like mommy's loving touch and mommy's loving words made everything ok...and if only,if only that could have been enough...there is something about that that is killing me emotionally now,I'm not sure why...how he perceived my love as healing when I knew it wasn't going to be enough to spare him.The poignancy of him being able to completely trust in his mommy,when that is something I never had--and yet being able to be that mommy for him wasn't enough.And he was such a precious little guy,so sweet and so innocent...He was responsive to me and soothed by me right up to the end,not like how they say a cat wants to be alone when they die: he wanted me with him...and he kept trusting me,like trusting that I could make it better,although I had to " betray " his trust with euthanasia. > > All I wanted to do was make it all better for him and I just wanted with all of my being for that dying not to be happening to him.Nada used to tell me to kill myself and manufactured a couple of scenarios when I was a child when I could have died and I'm acutely aware of how *opposite* that is to how I was/am feeling about my little baby cat,acutely aware of how *un* maternal nada was with me.My heart was just breaking for my cat--it still is breaking--and nada's " heart " was so cold to all of my suffering.So I have not just my cat dying in time for Christmas (when I was due to be born at Christmas,hence my name) but also realizing again and even more deeply how sick nada was to just not care about me at all.I can't understand how a mother's heart wouldn't just break if her baby is in pain.And how she never soothed me.The contrast with how I feel about my baby so stark and it's triggering bad memories when I need to have some psychic space here to grieve the passing of my cat. > > I brought him back from the vet's and he's out on my front porch still wrapped in a rose colored blanket,the color of love.I need to get out there today before it starts to snow to bury him in the backyard but I'm having such a hard time letting him go.I feel like I can't bear that moment of finality. > > If any of you could say a prayer or somesuch for a very sweet,cuddly,gentle kitty who never harmed anything or anyone (he was an indoor cat) to help me send him on his way...My own thoughts are so convoluted right now,I have tried to concentrate on letting his spirit be free but I keep having flashbacks of nada being nasty to me (in contrast to how much I loved my cat) and they're intruding on the sanctity of any spiritual thoughts I'm trying to direct his way. > > His name was Sprite but I usually called him by his nickname,Bunny,because he hopped when he was playing.He loved to leap up on his hind legs to catch his " bird on a wire " toy,he slobbered over catnip and kitty caviar,he liked to sleep stretched out in the V of my legs at night,when I came in from grocery shopping he always had to inspect all the bags,he liked to carry the plastic tab from a milk bottle top around in his mouth like it was a prize and to bat at my shoelaces when I was tying my shoes...He purred alot and liked to be held and kissed on the top of his head.He's been with me since I returned to the States--two months after I came back here I saw something being pushed out of a car that drove off and when I went to see what it was,there was a little long haired grey kitten flattened to the ground and shaking in the dark.He's been my loyal friend through out everything I've gone through with nada and fada since my return.He's given me love,love,and more love no matter what was going on in my life.He was a pure soul of joy and goodness. > > Thanks for listening.I feel like a mess trying to find words for this.And again,sorry it's such a downer. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2010 Report Share Posted December 23, 2010 I'm so sorry; its very hard to lose our little " babies " . I had two that eventually died of old age a few years apart from each other, and even though I could tell they were starting to be in pain and it was time for them to go, it was so hard to lose them each time. The older one, a girl, was more like a dog than a cat; very intelligent, learned tricks, and would come and get me like Lassie if something was going on in another part of the house that she thought needed my attention; she'd lead me there, looking back to make sure I was following. So cute. I still have dreams about that kitty in particular. I'm sure you were a marvelous cat mom to your little Bunny and he was very lucky to have gotten you as his mommy. best wishes, -Annie > > I'm sorry this topic is such a downer...Usually I pretty much ignore Christmas day but this year that's going to be a challenge (to not feel yuck) because on Tuesday my oldest cat lost his battle with pancreatic cancer.I knew that was going to happen sooner rather than later but I was hoping he'd make it to the New Year.He went from being ok (considering) to rapidly failing in one day. > > I feel like an emotional wreck because I couldn't save my baby at the end; I couldn't make it better for him.He trusted me totally and he loved me--early on Tuesday morning he cried out in pain for the first time and I knew it was time to say goodbye,but when I petted him and talked to him he completely relaxed and was so soothed,like mommy's loving touch and mommy's loving words made everything ok...and if only,if only that could have been enough...there is something about that that is killing me emotionally now,I'm not sure why...how he perceived my love as healing when I knew it wasn't going to be enough to spare him.The poignancy of him being able to completely trust in his mommy,when that is something I never had--and yet being able to be that mommy for him wasn't enough.And he was such a precious little guy,so sweet and so innocent...He was responsive to me and soothed by me right up to the end,not like how they say a cat wants to be alone when they die: he wanted me with him...and he kept trusting me,like trusting that I could make it better,although I had to " betray " his trust with euthanasia. > > All I wanted to do was make it all better for him and I just wanted with all of my being for that dying not to be happening to him.Nada used to tell me to kill myself and manufactured a couple of scenarios when I was a child when I could have died and I'm acutely aware of how *opposite* that is to how I was/am feeling about my little baby cat,acutely aware of how *un* maternal nada was with me.My heart was just breaking for my cat--it still is breaking--and nada's " heart " was so cold to all of my suffering.So I have not just my cat dying in time for Christmas (when I was due to be born at Christmas,hence my name) but also realizing again and even more deeply how sick nada was to just not care about me at all.I can't understand how a mother's heart wouldn't just break if her baby is in pain.And how she never soothed me.The contrast with how I feel about my baby so stark and it's triggering bad memories when I need to have some psychic space here to grieve the passing of my cat. > > I brought him back from the vet's and he's out on my front porch still wrapped in a rose colored blanket,the color of love.I need to get out there today before it starts to snow to bury him in the backyard but I'm having such a hard time letting him go.I feel like I can't bear that moment of finality. > > If any of you could say a prayer or somesuch for a very sweet,cuddly,gentle kitty who never harmed anything or anyone (he was an indoor cat) to help me send him on his way...My own thoughts are so convoluted right now,I have tried to concentrate on letting his spirit be free but I keep having flashbacks of nada being nasty to me (in contrast to how much I loved my cat) and they're intruding on the sanctity of any spiritual thoughts I'm trying to direct his way. > > His name was Sprite but I usually called him by his nickname,Bunny,because he hopped when he was playing.He loved to leap up on his hind legs to catch his " bird on a wire " toy,he slobbered over catnip and kitty caviar,he liked to sleep stretched out in the V of my legs at night,when I came in from grocery shopping he always had to inspect all the bags,he liked to carry the plastic tab from a milk bottle top around in his mouth like it was a prize and to bat at my shoelaces when I was tying my shoes...He purred alot and liked to be held and kissed on the top of his head.He's been with me since I returned to the States--two months after I came back here I saw something being pushed out of a car that drove off and when I went to see what it was,there was a little long haired grey kitten flattened to the ground and shaking in the dark.He's been my loyal friend through out everything I've gone through with nada and fada since my return.He's given me love,love,and more love no matter what was going on in my life.He was a pure soul of joy and goodness. > > Thanks for listening.I feel like a mess trying to find words for this.And again,sorry it's such a downer. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2010 Report Share Posted December 23, 2010 I am so sorry . It's like a knife straight into the heart when you lose a dear furry baby, isn't it? I'd say this little guy did pretty good to land such a caring owner, considering he started out as an abandoned kitten. Not too bad Bunny!! You did the right thing, you loved him, cared for him, gave him the best life a cat could possibly have, and saw him through to a humane ending with you by his side every step of the way. It's still heartbreaking, he sounded absolutely delightful as a pet. I consider my cat and dog my best friends, they have such a magical way of endearing themselves to us don't they? , you gave him as much joy as he brought you, I promise you. So please don't feel as though you let him down because that's impossible. I prayed for little Bunny after reading your post and I imagine him to be happy, warm, and safe. I honestly believe we meet our beloved pets in the after life, just as we do our human family. I feel for you in that your invasive thoughts and confusion around your nada's lack of motherly instinct/love for you has made this even more painful. The tragic moments in our life seem to reopen those wounds and get us thinking about it all over again. It's perfectly understandable that you would juxtapose your motherly grief against your mother's lack of mothering instincts.... this is just so impossible by nature's standards yet this is a BPD. Even a cottontail rabbit would fight to protect it's young, yet our mothers cannot/would not. There's something seriously wrong there. The blessing is that you are not your nada. You can/will care for creatures that need you and depend on you. You have kind loving words and gestures for everyone in your life (human and feline alike). Please find a way to honor Bunny's life, as I think this would be healing for you right now. He's earned it, and you definitely earned credibility in my book. Anybody who is kind to animals has a special devine grace that is simply beautiful and moving. How kind God was to give us animals. You are doing God's work by caring for them. Hugs from HF. P.S. I'd love to see a picture of your dear Bunny if it's not too painful for you to send one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 24, 2010 Report Share Posted December 24, 2010 Thank you,Annie.Your cat sounds so adorable and so engaging! They are our cherished companions and it's really really hard to lose them.They have their own personality and their own spirit...this is the first time I've lost one of my own cats and I didn't realize until he was gone just how much he was like my kid and that I couldn't protect him from dying just hurts enormously. This is going to take a while... > > I'm so sorry; its very hard to lose our little " babies " . I had two that eventually died of old age a few years apart from each other, and even though I could tell they were starting to be in pain and it was time for them to go, it was so hard to lose them each time. The older one, a girl, was more like a dog than a cat; very intelligent, learned tricks, and would come and get me like Lassie if something was going on in another part of the house that she thought needed my attention; she'd lead me there, looking back to make sure I was following. So cute. I still have dreams about that kitty in particular. > > I'm sure you were a marvelous cat mom to your little Bunny and he was very lucky to have gotten you as his mommy. > > best wishes, > > -Annie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 24, 2010 Report Share Posted December 24, 2010 Thank you,Annie.Your cat sounds so adorable and so engaging! They are our cherished companions and it's really really hard to lose them.They have their own personality and their own spirit...this is the first time I've lost one of my own cats and I didn't realize until he was gone just how much he was like my kid and that I couldn't protect him from dying just hurts enormously. This is going to take a while... > > I'm so sorry; its very hard to lose our little " babies " . I had two that eventually died of old age a few years apart from each other, and even though I could tell they were starting to be in pain and it was time for them to go, it was so hard to lose them each time. The older one, a girl, was more like a dog than a cat; very intelligent, learned tricks, and would come and get me like Lassie if something was going on in another part of the house that she thought needed my attention; she'd lead me there, looking back to make sure I was following. So cute. I still have dreams about that kitty in particular. > > I'm sure you were a marvelous cat mom to your little Bunny and he was very lucky to have gotten you as his mommy. > > best wishes, > > -Annie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 24, 2010 Report Share Posted December 24, 2010 Thank you,Annie.Your cat sounds so adorable and so engaging! They are our cherished companions and it's really really hard to lose them.They have their own personality and their own spirit...this is the first time I've lost one of my own cats and I didn't realize until he was gone just how much he was like my kid and that I couldn't protect him from dying just hurts enormously. This is going to take a while... > > I'm so sorry; its very hard to lose our little " babies " . I had two that eventually died of old age a few years apart from each other, and even though I could tell they were starting to be in pain and it was time for them to go, it was so hard to lose them each time. The older one, a girl, was more like a dog than a cat; very intelligent, learned tricks, and would come and get me like Lassie if something was going on in another part of the house that she thought needed my attention; she'd lead me there, looking back to make sure I was following. So cute. I still have dreams about that kitty in particular. > > I'm sure you were a marvelous cat mom to your little Bunny and he was very lucky to have gotten you as his mommy. > > best wishes, > > -Annie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 24, 2010 Report Share Posted December 24, 2010 Thank you,HFB,for all of your sweet words.Your prayers really mean alot to me.The loss of Bunny is as deep for me as it would be for any family member--I guess even more so because he really WAS loving family.I didn't know you had a cat and a dog,but so,you also know how important that bond is... I'm going to make a donation in his name to a cat rescue I know of. His death is bringing up so much,so many multi layered associations with childhood pets and abuse,nada's evil,etc etc etc--too much for a post,too intense and too complicated.Thank you so much for affirming that there are reasons why this is so wounding... Bunny wasn't the handsomest cat in the world; he was actually kind of " creature-like " which I why I originally called him " Sprite " .Even though I brushed him regularly his long fur had a tendency to mat so I'd take him to the vet's periodically for a " lion cut " .I have lots of prints of him but only have one photo on my computer where he looks more like how he really was.He wasn't very photogenic,lol! But from the inside he was pure gold.I wanted to post his photo here but I can't seem to find a way to just post a photo on this forum,so I will send it in an email to you--it's a not so great photo of him sporting one of his " lion cuts " Thank you again so much for your kind words and understanding,they are sincerely appreciated... > > I am so sorry . It's like a knife straight into the heart when you lose a dear furry baby, isn't it? I'd say this little guy did pretty good to land such a caring owner, considering he started out as an abandoned kitten. Not too bad Bunny!! > > You did the right thing, you loved him, cared for him, gave him the best life a cat could possibly have, and saw him through to a humane ending with you by his side every step of the way. It's still heartbreaking, he sounded absolutely delightful as a pet. I consider my cat and dog my best friends, they have such a magical way of endearing themselves to us don't they? , you gave him as much joy as he brought you, I promise you. So please don't feel as though you let him down because that's impossible. > > I prayed for little Bunny after reading your post and I imagine him to be happy, warm, and safe. I honestly believe we meet our beloved pets in the after life, just as we do our human family. I feel for you in that your invasive thoughts and confusion around your nada's lack of motherly instinct/love for you has made this even more painful. The tragic moments in our life seem to reopen those wounds and get us thinking about it all over again. It's perfectly understandable that you would juxtapose your motherly grief against your mother's lack of mothering instincts.... this is just so impossible by nature's standards yet this is a BPD. Even a cottontail rabbit would fight to protect it's young, yet our mothers cannot/would not. There's something seriously wrong there. > > The blessing is that you are not your nada. You can/will care for creatures that need you and depend on you. You have kind loving words and gestures for everyone in your life (human and feline alike). Please find a way to honor Bunny's life, as I think this would be healing for you right now. He's earned it, and you definitely earned credibility in my book. Anybody who is kind to animals has a special devine grace that is simply beautiful and moving. How kind God was to give us animals. You are doing God's work by caring for them. > > > Hugs from HF. > > P.S. I'd love to see a picture of your dear Bunny if it's not too painful for you to send one. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 24, 2010 Report Share Posted December 24, 2010 Thank you,HFB,for all of your sweet words.Your prayers really mean alot to me.The loss of Bunny is as deep for me as it would be for any family member--I guess even more so because he really WAS loving family.I didn't know you had a cat and a dog,but so,you also know how important that bond is... I'm going to make a donation in his name to a cat rescue I know of. His death is bringing up so much,so many multi layered associations with childhood pets and abuse,nada's evil,etc etc etc--too much for a post,too intense and too complicated.Thank you so much for affirming that there are reasons why this is so wounding... Bunny wasn't the handsomest cat in the world; he was actually kind of " creature-like " which I why I originally called him " Sprite " .Even though I brushed him regularly his long fur had a tendency to mat so I'd take him to the vet's periodically for a " lion cut " .I have lots of prints of him but only have one photo on my computer where he looks more like how he really was.He wasn't very photogenic,lol! But from the inside he was pure gold.I wanted to post his photo here but I can't seem to find a way to just post a photo on this forum,so I will send it in an email to you--it's a not so great photo of him sporting one of his " lion cuts " Thank you again so much for your kind words and understanding,they are sincerely appreciated... > > I am so sorry . It's like a knife straight into the heart when you lose a dear furry baby, isn't it? I'd say this little guy did pretty good to land such a caring owner, considering he started out as an abandoned kitten. Not too bad Bunny!! > > You did the right thing, you loved him, cared for him, gave him the best life a cat could possibly have, and saw him through to a humane ending with you by his side every step of the way. It's still heartbreaking, he sounded absolutely delightful as a pet. I consider my cat and dog my best friends, they have such a magical way of endearing themselves to us don't they? , you gave him as much joy as he brought you, I promise you. So please don't feel as though you let him down because that's impossible. > > I prayed for little Bunny after reading your post and I imagine him to be happy, warm, and safe. I honestly believe we meet our beloved pets in the after life, just as we do our human family. I feel for you in that your invasive thoughts and confusion around your nada's lack of motherly instinct/love for you has made this even more painful. The tragic moments in our life seem to reopen those wounds and get us thinking about it all over again. It's perfectly understandable that you would juxtapose your motherly grief against your mother's lack of mothering instincts.... this is just so impossible by nature's standards yet this is a BPD. Even a cottontail rabbit would fight to protect it's young, yet our mothers cannot/would not. There's something seriously wrong there. > > The blessing is that you are not your nada. You can/will care for creatures that need you and depend on you. You have kind loving words and gestures for everyone in your life (human and feline alike). Please find a way to honor Bunny's life, as I think this would be healing for you right now. He's earned it, and you definitely earned credibility in my book. Anybody who is kind to animals has a special devine grace that is simply beautiful and moving. How kind God was to give us animals. You are doing God's work by caring for them. > > > Hugs from HF. > > P.S. I'd love to see a picture of your dear Bunny if it's not too painful for you to send one. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 24, 2010 Report Share Posted December 24, 2010 Dear , I'm so sorry to hear of the passing of your dear little cat. As someone who works in an animal hospital and has performed a lot of euthanasias, I don't believe animals expect anyone to make them better. The sad thing is, they don't live as long as we do, and I remember with sadness the many times we wished that someone would do the kind thing and let a suffering dog or cat painlessly go. Animals don't know why they're suffering or why they feel so bad, and when they can't enjoy their lives anymore, euthanasia is the only thing to do. Bunny sounds like a very special boy, and he will always have a place in your heart and you in his. Nothing lasts forever. But the fact that he had you to love him and cry for him at the end, was the most special gift of all. --. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 24, 2010 Report Share Posted December 24, 2010 Dear , I'm so sorry to hear of the passing of your dear little cat. As someone who works in an animal hospital and has performed a lot of euthanasias, I don't believe animals expect anyone to make them better. The sad thing is, they don't live as long as we do, and I remember with sadness the many times we wished that someone would do the kind thing and let a suffering dog or cat painlessly go. Animals don't know why they're suffering or why they feel so bad, and when they can't enjoy their lives anymore, euthanasia is the only thing to do. Bunny sounds like a very special boy, and he will always have a place in your heart and you in his. Nothing lasts forever. But the fact that he had you to love him and cry for him at the end, was the most special gift of all. --. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 24, 2010 Report Share Posted December 24, 2010 Dear , I'm so sorry to hear of the passing of your dear little cat. As someone who works in an animal hospital and has performed a lot of euthanasias, I don't believe animals expect anyone to make them better. The sad thing is, they don't live as long as we do, and I remember with sadness the many times we wished that someone would do the kind thing and let a suffering dog or cat painlessly go. Animals don't know why they're suffering or why they feel so bad, and when they can't enjoy their lives anymore, euthanasia is the only thing to do. Bunny sounds like a very special boy, and he will always have a place in your heart and you in his. Nothing lasts forever. But the fact that he had you to love him and cry for him at the end, was the most special gift of all. --. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 25, 2010 Report Share Posted December 25, 2010 Dear ! I'm so sorry for you lost. I'm sending you a biiiig warm hug. You gave your cat a haven on earth and you gave him ultimate love with helping him to die peacufully. There are so many people who claimed that they love their pets too much to put them to euthanasia and the animals suffer in agony before they die all because of owners " love " . You where the best " mummy " to him. You are such a nice and worm person any cat is ( or were) happy to have you. Love Yenaine > > I'm sorry this topic is such a downer...Usually I pretty much ignore Christmas day but this year that's going to be a challenge (to not feel yuck) because on Tuesday my oldest cat lost his battle with pancreatic cancer.I knew that was going to happen sooner rather than later but I was hoping he'd make it to the New Year.He went from being ok (considering) to rapidly failing in one day. > > I feel like an emotional wreck because I couldn't save my baby at the end; I couldn't make it better for him.He trusted me totally and he loved me--early on Tuesday morning he cried out in pain for the first time and I knew it was time to say goodbye,but when I petted him and talked to him he completely relaxed and was so soothed,like mommy's loving touch and mommy's loving words made everything ok...and if only,if only that could have been enough...there is something about that that is killing me emotionally now,I'm not sure why...how he perceived my love as healing when I knew it wasn't going to be enough to spare him.The poignancy of him being able to completely trust in his mommy,when that is something I never had--and yet being able to be that mommy for him wasn't enough.And he was such a precious little guy,so sweet and so innocent...He was responsive to me and soothed by me right up to the end,not like how they say a cat wants to be alone when they die: he wanted me with him...and he kept trusting me,like trusting that I could make it better,although I had to " betray " his trust with euthanasia. > > All I wanted to do was make it all better for him and I just wanted with all of my being for that dying not to be happening to him.Nada used to tell me to kill myself and manufactured a couple of scenarios when I was a child when I could have died and I'm acutely aware of how *opposite* that is to how I was/am feeling about my little baby cat,acutely aware of how *un* maternal nada was with me.My heart was just breaking for my cat--it still is breaking--and nada's " heart " was so cold to all of my suffering.So I have not just my cat dying in time for Christmas (when I was due to be born at Christmas,hence my name) but also realizing again and even more deeply how sick nada was to just not care about me at all.I can't understand how a mother's heart wouldn't just break if her baby is in pain.And how she never soothed me.The contrast with how I feel about my baby so stark and it's triggering bad memories when I need to have some psychic space here to grieve the passing of my cat. > > I brought him back from the vet's and he's out on my front porch still wrapped in a rose colored blanket,the color of love.I need to get out there today before it starts to snow to bury him in the backyard but I'm having such a hard time letting him go.I feel like I can't bear that moment of finality. > > If any of you could say a prayer or somesuch for a very sweet,cuddly,gentle kitty who never harmed anything or anyone (he was an indoor cat) to help me send him on his way...My own thoughts are so convoluted right now,I have tried to concentrate on letting his spirit be free but I keep having flashbacks of nada being nasty to me (in contrast to how much I loved my cat) and they're intruding on the sanctity of any spiritual thoughts I'm trying to direct his way. > > His name was Sprite but I usually called him by his nickname,Bunny,because he hopped when he was playing.He loved to leap up on his hind legs to catch his " bird on a wire " toy,he slobbered over catnip and kitty caviar,he liked to sleep stretched out in the V of my legs at night,when I came in from grocery shopping he always had to inspect all the bags,he liked to carry the plastic tab from a milk bottle top around in his mouth like it was a prize and to bat at my shoelaces when I was tying my shoes...He purred alot and liked to be held and kissed on the top of his head.He's been with me since I returned to the States--two months after I came back here I saw something being pushed out of a car that drove off and when I went to see what it was,there was a little long haired grey kitten flattened to the ground and shaking in the dark.He's been my loyal friend through out everything I've gone through with nada and fada since my return.He's given me love,love,and more love no matter what was going on in my life.He was a pure soul of joy and goodness. > > Thanks for listening.I feel like a mess trying to find words for this.And again,sorry it's such a downer. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 25, 2010 Report Share Posted December 25, 2010 Dear ! I'm so sorry for you lost. I'm sending you a biiiig warm hug. You gave your cat a haven on earth and you gave him ultimate love with helping him to die peacufully. There are so many people who claimed that they love their pets too much to put them to euthanasia and the animals suffer in agony before they die all because of owners " love " . You where the best " mummy " to him. You are such a nice and worm person any cat is ( or were) happy to have you. Love Yenaine > > I'm sorry this topic is such a downer...Usually I pretty much ignore Christmas day but this year that's going to be a challenge (to not feel yuck) because on Tuesday my oldest cat lost his battle with pancreatic cancer.I knew that was going to happen sooner rather than later but I was hoping he'd make it to the New Year.He went from being ok (considering) to rapidly failing in one day. > > I feel like an emotional wreck because I couldn't save my baby at the end; I couldn't make it better for him.He trusted me totally and he loved me--early on Tuesday morning he cried out in pain for the first time and I knew it was time to say goodbye,but when I petted him and talked to him he completely relaxed and was so soothed,like mommy's loving touch and mommy's loving words made everything ok...and if only,if only that could have been enough...there is something about that that is killing me emotionally now,I'm not sure why...how he perceived my love as healing when I knew it wasn't going to be enough to spare him.The poignancy of him being able to completely trust in his mommy,when that is something I never had--and yet being able to be that mommy for him wasn't enough.And he was such a precious little guy,so sweet and so innocent...He was responsive to me and soothed by me right up to the end,not like how they say a cat wants to be alone when they die: he wanted me with him...and he kept trusting me,like trusting that I could make it better,although I had to " betray " his trust with euthanasia. > > All I wanted to do was make it all better for him and I just wanted with all of my being for that dying not to be happening to him.Nada used to tell me to kill myself and manufactured a couple of scenarios when I was a child when I could have died and I'm acutely aware of how *opposite* that is to how I was/am feeling about my little baby cat,acutely aware of how *un* maternal nada was with me.My heart was just breaking for my cat--it still is breaking--and nada's " heart " was so cold to all of my suffering.So I have not just my cat dying in time for Christmas (when I was due to be born at Christmas,hence my name) but also realizing again and even more deeply how sick nada was to just not care about me at all.I can't understand how a mother's heart wouldn't just break if her baby is in pain.And how she never soothed me.The contrast with how I feel about my baby so stark and it's triggering bad memories when I need to have some psychic space here to grieve the passing of my cat. > > I brought him back from the vet's and he's out on my front porch still wrapped in a rose colored blanket,the color of love.I need to get out there today before it starts to snow to bury him in the backyard but I'm having such a hard time letting him go.I feel like I can't bear that moment of finality. > > If any of you could say a prayer or somesuch for a very sweet,cuddly,gentle kitty who never harmed anything or anyone (he was an indoor cat) to help me send him on his way...My own thoughts are so convoluted right now,I have tried to concentrate on letting his spirit be free but I keep having flashbacks of nada being nasty to me (in contrast to how much I loved my cat) and they're intruding on the sanctity of any spiritual thoughts I'm trying to direct his way. > > His name was Sprite but I usually called him by his nickname,Bunny,because he hopped when he was playing.He loved to leap up on his hind legs to catch his " bird on a wire " toy,he slobbered over catnip and kitty caviar,he liked to sleep stretched out in the V of my legs at night,when I came in from grocery shopping he always had to inspect all the bags,he liked to carry the plastic tab from a milk bottle top around in his mouth like it was a prize and to bat at my shoelaces when I was tying my shoes...He purred alot and liked to be held and kissed on the top of his head.He's been with me since I returned to the States--two months after I came back here I saw something being pushed out of a car that drove off and when I went to see what it was,there was a little long haired grey kitten flattened to the ground and shaking in the dark.He's been my loyal friend through out everything I've gone through with nada and fada since my return.He's given me love,love,and more love no matter what was going on in my life.He was a pure soul of joy and goodness. > > Thanks for listening.I feel like a mess trying to find words for this.And again,sorry it's such a downer. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 26, 2010 Report Share Posted December 26, 2010 I'm so sorry your sweet fuzzy friend got so sick. It certainly wasn't your fault and you were there for him all the way. When our last cat passed away from cancer, I wasn't home. I was on a field trip with a bunch of high school kids. My husband held her in his arms when she passed. It was so painful for him. As for euthanasia, in my line of work it's referred to as " the other release. " I work with wild animals that are orphaned or injured. Our goal is to help them heal and then release them back into the wild. That's not always possible. Then I have to make the decision to euthanize. It's never easy, I always apologize when I have to do it and then I try to make it as peaceful as possible. But allowing them to suffer in pain and fear is not the kind thing to do. You did the gentle, loving thing by allowing him to fade into that deep sleep. Give yourself time to heal. Some people may say it was just a cat but the love you feel is just as real and strong. > > I feel like an emotional wreck because I couldn't save my baby at the end; I couldn't make it better for him.He trusted me totally and he loved me--early on Tuesday morning he cried out in pain for the first time and I knew it was time to say goodbye,but when I petted him and talked to him he completely relaxed and was so soothed,like mommy's loving touch and mommy's loving words made everything ok...and if only,if only that could have been enough...there is something about that that is killing me emotionally now,I'm not sure why...how he perceived my love as healing when I knew it wasn't going to be enough to spare him.The poignancy of him being able to completely trust in his mommy,when that is something I never had--and yet being able to be that mommy for him wasn't enough.And he was such a precious little guy,so sweet and so innocent...He was responsive to me and soothed by me right up to the end,not like how they say a cat wants to be alone when they die: he wanted me with him...and he kept trusting me,like trusting that I could make it better,although I had to " betray " his trust with euthanasia. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 26, 2010 Report Share Posted December 26, 2010 I'm so sorry your sweet fuzzy friend got so sick. It certainly wasn't your fault and you were there for him all the way. When our last cat passed away from cancer, I wasn't home. I was on a field trip with a bunch of high school kids. My husband held her in his arms when she passed. It was so painful for him. As for euthanasia, in my line of work it's referred to as " the other release. " I work with wild animals that are orphaned or injured. Our goal is to help them heal and then release them back into the wild. That's not always possible. Then I have to make the decision to euthanize. It's never easy, I always apologize when I have to do it and then I try to make it as peaceful as possible. But allowing them to suffer in pain and fear is not the kind thing to do. You did the gentle, loving thing by allowing him to fade into that deep sleep. Give yourself time to heal. Some people may say it was just a cat but the love you feel is just as real and strong. > > I feel like an emotional wreck because I couldn't save my baby at the end; I couldn't make it better for him.He trusted me totally and he loved me--early on Tuesday morning he cried out in pain for the first time and I knew it was time to say goodbye,but when I petted him and talked to him he completely relaxed and was so soothed,like mommy's loving touch and mommy's loving words made everything ok...and if only,if only that could have been enough...there is something about that that is killing me emotionally now,I'm not sure why...how he perceived my love as healing when I knew it wasn't going to be enough to spare him.The poignancy of him being able to completely trust in his mommy,when that is something I never had--and yet being able to be that mommy for him wasn't enough.And he was such a precious little guy,so sweet and so innocent...He was responsive to me and soothed by me right up to the end,not like how they say a cat wants to be alone when they die: he wanted me with him...and he kept trusting me,like trusting that I could make it better,although I had to " betray " his trust with euthanasia. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 26, 2010 Report Share Posted December 26, 2010 Choosing euthanasia is to me an act of great and selfless love, to decide that its kinder for our little pet (or for a little wild animal) to be free of pain and fear than it is to keep them alive but helpless, in terror and in pain because *we* can't bear to lose them. When my elder cat let me know it was time, I called in a vet who makes house calls and my little one went to sleep in my arms in her own home where she felt safe. (Of the two, she had the greatest terror of going to the vet's.) The younger of the two cats years later suddenly developed what appeared to be a breathing problem so I rushed him to the vet. They told me he had some kind of fast-growing cancer, so I decided it was better for him to go to sleep right then instead of enduring the fear and pain of repeated visits to the vet's for cancer treatments. He went to sleep in my arms also. Both decisions were very, very hard for me, but my overriding thought was that I couldn't stand the idea of either of them being in intractable pain. I think the term " the other release " is beautiful. -Annie > > I'm so sorry your sweet fuzzy friend got so sick. It certainly wasn't your fault and you were there for him all the way. When our last cat passed away from cancer, I wasn't home. I was on a field trip with a bunch of high school kids. My husband held her in his arms when she passed. It was so painful for him. > > As for euthanasia, in my line of work it's referred to as " the other release. " I work with wild animals that are orphaned or injured. Our goal is to help them heal and then release them back into the wild. That's not always possible. Then I have to make the decision to euthanize. It's never easy, I always apologize when I have to do it and then I try to make it as peaceful as possible. But allowing them to suffer in pain and fear is not the kind thing to do. You did the gentle, loving thing by allowing him to fade into that deep sleep. > > Give yourself time to heal. Some people may say it was just a cat but the love you feel is just as real and strong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 26, 2010 Report Share Posted December 26, 2010 Thank you,Irene.I knew that I was going to have to take him in to be euthanized because nothing else could be done for him.By the time he had symptoms (loss of appetite,weight loss,vomiting) and I found out the kind of cancer he had,all that could be done was to make him comfortable.He didn't seem to be doing too badly until Monday night when he tried to eat his dinner then walked away from it--and then didn't want me out of his sight.I wanted him to be more " out of it " when we went to the vet's so his last moments wouldn't be of him being aware enough to be freaked out.The car ride over was tough because I had to put him in his carrier so he wouldn't try to hide under the seat (and I wouldn't have to pull him out from under)--he cried out a few times and later that was really torturing me.I was apologizing and apologizing. Healing from this is going to take a while because it also triggered alot of trauma related associations for me.That's wonderful that you help wild animals in your work.I'd love to do something like that but I don't think I could bear it.It's so good that there are people like yourself who help injured and orphaned animals. Thank you for your caring words > > > > > I'm so sorry your sweet fuzzy friend got so sick. It certainly wasn't your fault and you were there for him all the way. When our last cat passed away from cancer, I wasn't home. I was on a field trip with a bunch of high school kids. My husband held her in his arms when she passed. It was so painful for him. > > > > As for euthanasia, in my line of work it's referred to as " the other release. " I work with wild animals that are orphaned or injured. Our goal is to help them heal and then release them back into the wild. That's not always possible. Then I have to make the decision to euthanize. It's never easy, I always apologize when I have to do it and then I try to make it as peaceful as possible. But allowing them to suffer in pain and fear is not the kind thing to do. You did the gentle, loving thing by allowing him to fade into that deep sleep. > > > > Give yourself time to heal. Some people may say it was just a cat but the love you feel is just as real and strong. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 26, 2010 Report Share Posted December 26, 2010 Thank you,...It helps to hear the rational side of this.I think part of my problem here is KO conditioning that nothing I do is ever " good enough " (or " good " at all!).I'm feeling a bit less triggered by it all today,I'm getting there Even with my cat,my grief is complicated...sigh...so I'm trying to accept that it's ok for me to grieve him in this complicated way while trying to remind myself that,like you said,nothing can last forever and that after all our pets don't live human-length lives. Thanks again for your support > > Dear , > > I'm so sorry to hear of the passing of your dear little cat. > > As someone who works in an animal hospital and has performed a lot of euthanasias, I don't believe animals expect anyone to make them better. The sad thing is, they don't live as long as we do, and I remember with sadness the many times we wished that someone would do the kind thing and let a suffering dog or cat painlessly go. Animals don't know why they're suffering or why they feel so bad, and when they can't enjoy their lives anymore, euthanasia is the only thing to do. > > Bunny sounds like a very special boy, and he will always have a place in your heart and you in his. Nothing lasts forever. But the fact that he had you to love him and cry for him at the end, was the most special gift of all. > > --. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 26, 2010 Report Share Posted December 26, 2010 Thank you for the cyber hug,Yenaine,and for your kind thoughts and sympathy.I appreciate it very much > > Dear ! > I'm so sorry for you lost. I'm sending you a biiiig warm hug. > > You gave your cat a haven on earth and you gave him ultimate love with helping him to die peacufully. There are so many people who claimed that they love their pets too much to put them to euthanasia and the animals suffer in agony before they die all because of owners " love " . You where the best " mummy " to him. You are such a nice and worm person any cat is ( or were) happy to have you. > Love > Yenaine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.