Guest guest Posted January 7, 2011 Report Share Posted January 7, 2011 Thanks , and it's ok! He was a boy but trust me no offense taken at all hehe. (((()))) But yeah, it was an awful experience having her give up my kitty like that. I'm so sorry for your loss of Bunny but I'm glad Bunny had YOU as pet-mom! I do hope that I can get back into rescue! I live out of state now, but there are some great non-profits here too that I'm looking forward to helping out. Mia On Fri, Jan 7, 2011 at 7:30 AM, christine.depizan < christine.depizan@...> wrote: > > > Oh,hell,Mia,your kitty was a BOY.I do apologize...that's what happens when > I post when I'm really,really tired...I'm awake now and just wanted to add > that I'm sorry you had to give up your kitties with your ex,that must have > been so tough. > > I know what you mean about our pets being like soul mates.I felt that way > about my cat Bunny who passed away recently and I feel that way about my dog > Misha--we're so in tune and so alike...She was the foster puppy who stayed > > > You can always get back into rescue later...it's great that you did that > BTW! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2011 Report Share Posted January 7, 2011 Thanks , and it's ok! He was a boy but trust me no offense taken at all hehe. (((()))) But yeah, it was an awful experience having her give up my kitty like that. I'm so sorry for your loss of Bunny but I'm glad Bunny had YOU as pet-mom! I do hope that I can get back into rescue! I live out of state now, but there are some great non-profits here too that I'm looking forward to helping out. Mia On Fri, Jan 7, 2011 at 7:30 AM, christine.depizan < christine.depizan@...> wrote: > > > Oh,hell,Mia,your kitty was a BOY.I do apologize...that's what happens when > I post when I'm really,really tired...I'm awake now and just wanted to add > that I'm sorry you had to give up your kitties with your ex,that must have > been so tough. > > I know what you mean about our pets being like soul mates.I felt that way > about my cat Bunny who passed away recently and I feel that way about my dog > Misha--we're so in tune and so alike...She was the foster puppy who stayed > > > You can always get back into rescue later...it's great that you did that > BTW! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2011 Report Share Posted January 7, 2011 Thanks , and it's ok! He was a boy but trust me no offense taken at all hehe. (((()))) But yeah, it was an awful experience having her give up my kitty like that. I'm so sorry for your loss of Bunny but I'm glad Bunny had YOU as pet-mom! I do hope that I can get back into rescue! I live out of state now, but there are some great non-profits here too that I'm looking forward to helping out. Mia On Fri, Jan 7, 2011 at 7:30 AM, christine.depizan < christine.depizan@...> wrote: > > > Oh,hell,Mia,your kitty was a BOY.I do apologize...that's what happens when > I post when I'm really,really tired...I'm awake now and just wanted to add > that I'm sorry you had to give up your kitties with your ex,that must have > been so tough. > > I know what you mean about our pets being like soul mates.I felt that way > about my cat Bunny who passed away recently and I feel that way about my dog > Misha--we're so in tune and so alike...She was the foster puppy who stayed > > > You can always get back into rescue later...it's great that you did that > BTW! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2011 Report Share Posted January 7, 2011 Hear hear, Annie. Mia On Fri, Jan 7, 2011 at 9:20 AM, anuria67854 wrote: > (snipped) > > Some people are just too warped to be raising children, seems to me. > -Annie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2011 Report Share Posted January 7, 2011 Hear hear, Annie. Mia On Fri, Jan 7, 2011 at 9:20 AM, anuria67854 wrote: > (snipped) > > Some people are just too warped to be raising children, seems to me. > -Annie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2011 Report Share Posted January 7, 2011 Hear hear, Annie. Mia On Fri, Jan 7, 2011 at 9:20 AM, anuria67854 wrote: > (snipped) > > Some people are just too warped to be raising children, seems to me. > -Annie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2011 Report Share Posted January 7, 2011 , Every story you tell about your mother sounds more horrible and outrageous than the last one. I can't *imagine* growing up in that house. I think you should write your autobiography. It would open people's eyes to what some nadas are capable of, while walking around looking perfectly normal to the rest of us. --. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2011 Report Share Posted January 7, 2011 Big Hugs (((()))) for all you've been through...it really does defy imagination how downright evil your nada was and how strong and resilient in the face of it you have been. Give yourself time with your grief for Bunny. It took me two months after Lady's death before I was able to approach that ceremony. Sometimes the grief still rises up and whacks me out of nowhere over six months now. Take care and be gentle with yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2011 Report Share Posted January 7, 2011 Big Hugs (((()))) for all you've been through...it really does defy imagination how downright evil your nada was and how strong and resilient in the face of it you have been. Give yourself time with your grief for Bunny. It took me two months after Lady's death before I was able to approach that ceremony. Sometimes the grief still rises up and whacks me out of nowhere over six months now. Take care and be gentle with yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2011 Report Share Posted January 7, 2011 Big Hugs (((()))) for all you've been through...it really does defy imagination how downright evil your nada was and how strong and resilient in the face of it you have been. Give yourself time with your grief for Bunny. It took me two months after Lady's death before I was able to approach that ceremony. Sometimes the grief still rises up and whacks me out of nowhere over six months now. Take care and be gentle with yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 8, 2011 Report Share Posted January 8, 2011 Thank you, --C. > > Big Hugs (((()))) for all you've been through...it really does defy imagination how downright evil your nada was and how strong and resilient in the face of it you have been. > > Give yourself time with your grief for Bunny. It took me two months after Lady's death before I was able to approach that ceremony. Sometimes the grief still rises up and whacks me out of nowhere over six months now. Take care and be gentle with yourself. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 8, 2011 Report Share Posted January 8, 2011 Thank you, --C. > > Big Hugs (((()))) for all you've been through...it really does defy imagination how downright evil your nada was and how strong and resilient in the face of it you have been. > > Give yourself time with your grief for Bunny. It took me two months after Lady's death before I was able to approach that ceremony. Sometimes the grief still rises up and whacks me out of nowhere over six months now. Take care and be gentle with yourself. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2011 Report Share Posted January 9, 2011 ,there are several reasons why writing an autobiography seems problemmatic to me.I might be over thinking some of it,but if I bothered to write one at all (assuming I'd even be able to find a publisher or get any publicity for it),I'd want to tell the truth.Since that would be the point,right??!! Telling that truth first of all would be problemmatic at this point because I'd be making some very serious allegations against several people (murder,attempted murder,rape) that have never gone to court.Or,in the one case that did,the death was ruled a " tragic accident " . And that case--the death of my friend Ellen--raises a serious ethical issue for me because her mother is still alive.I haven't seen her since I was five and I have absolutely no idea if she has had suspicions over the years and would prefer to know what I know about K.,the girl who was with Ellen when she " fell " into that creek; if knowing would be helpful to her--OR--if she has come to some kind of acceptance of what happened and if hearing this new information would cause her incredible pain.She is now an elderly woman.She is a mother whose child died,the worst thing that can happen to anyone.Ellen's father never got over her death and died in his early forties of a sudden heart attack,so in effect she lost both her husband and her child to the tragedy.I don't know if she has even processed the possibility that her child was in all probability *murdered*.That is a huge differance from having a child who accidentally died. I had my own encounter with K. when I was nine and she attempted to drown me,too.K.,Ellen and I had known one another from a playground.It's a long involved story but K. had threatened both of us,and Ellen in particular,over an incident at that playground when Ellen had " talked back " to her.I remember the details very clearly but was never able to tell anyone about it because nobody would listen. My encounter with K. was one of the times when nada set me up to be killed or harmed.Another long involved story,of which I have posted on here in the past.If I was writing an autobiography along the lines of " what it was like to be raised by a psychopathic mother " ,I couldn't really leave that entire incident out,nor would I want to.Because that was the one time I did almost die and I'm only alive now because I fought back.And there is no way to mention my encounter with K. without giving the back story about Ellen,because without it, it wouldn't make much sense why K. had such antipathy towards me. As far as I know,K. is also still alive. The other ethical issue is my former babysitter,who was only twelve when the gang rapes started and who went along with them and even assisted them to spare herself.Who also swore me to silence afterward,terrified both of the boys' threats to burn our houses down if we told and that she herself would get into trouble.I don't blame her for what happened.She wasn't the brightest bulb in the box,but she wasn't malicious,either.She started to have serious health issues late in her teens that she continued to have when under stress--I suspect in large part due to self blame over having witnessed and participated in some really evil acts against a small child,me.On the one hand,I'd be concerned about her health.On the other hand,because she isn't particularly bright,I have no idea how consciously she recalls any of it.At any rate I think it's safe to assume that finding out how well I remember what happened would cause a major health crisis for her.From the standpoint of the one who has been in therapy and done alot of processing work,I could say that letting her know that I don't blame her and see her as a victim too would be healing for her,but that is an assumption.I think more likely,it would open up a huge can of worms for her.I very much doubt that she has processed any of it at all. And again,if I wrote this thing at all,I'd want to tell the truth.How could I write about something that went on for three and a half years without offering some explanation as to *why* the babysitter did nothing to stop it? Or why she herself wasn't raped? The other thing is: me! Me being different,having always been different.I was never a so called " normal " or " average " child.I remember events from far back,in detail,such as the book I was reading with my grandfather at the hospital the day we went to bring my baby brother home when I was two and a half. " Ananzi The Spider " ,by the way! I remember many more things from that one day.Who is going to believe that? Who is going to believe that I also remember what I was thinking that day? Who is going to believe that a two year old is capable of the level of existential depair I experienced that day? The day that nada and fada's savior was brought home,the second born who restored their faith in themselves as parents,the golden boy? The day that I knew that I was doomed,relegated to non existence and since we're talking about a nada,that was all literal not just a child feeling displaced by the arrival of a younger sibling...a day and a memory that relate directly to how nada treated me later,to her hatred and abuse of me. I've had people,to my great pain,believe that I am *lying* about the things I remember because I remember them so clearly or the things I was interested in as a young child.I understand that much of it would seem unlikely,if in fact I had been like the average child.So it gets even more complicated.Would I have to preface the whole thing with: these are the childhood memories of someone who had the intellectual capacity of a twelve year old at the age of five (results of " IQ test " given in kindergarten,same IQ range when retested at thirteen).I hate mentioning that at all because in my experience people go weird about " IQ " stuff,with either suspicion ( " this person must be very crafty " ) or misunderstanding ( " this person must be capable of extraordinary XYZ " )...It can be dehumanizing to be viewed this way.It doesn't prevent me from doing very *stupid* things at times/being quite a dullard too nor does it make me superhuman.It seems to me that I'd have to frame the whole thing as the autobiography of a " profoundly gifted " (as that IQ range is called) child who was systematically destroyed by her psychopathic mother or my experience won't seem credible.And beyond the ethical considerations I mentioned--which are primary to me--I just don't really want to be that kind of spokesperson.I'm not ready for that.I have so much shit to trawl through in therapy that we haven't even gotten to that part yet,how being different in that way added to my traumas.I still have trouble with the whole thing,in my own mind: I often feel like an idiot (with a genius IQ that barely matters one whit) because I haven't been able to work all of this out,to reach my potential...and in that way,of frustrated potential,I'm simply like many another KO. On a purely personal level I don't want to offer myself up as an object of derision,to write about my deepest feelings only to have them misunderstood or doubted.If such an autobiography would be about *me*,I don't want to pour out my soul only to have my reality disbelieved.I think that I'm too out of the norm to write an " abused child " autobiography.Who is going to really believe,for example, that at the age of three I was running up and down the aisles of the public library being naughty and turned and saw Ellen standing against the wall at her mother's side and stopped dead because she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen and went up to her,completely entranced,to ask her if she was going to " story hour " too and when she said yes,could not believe my luck? A three year old? But it's true.Who is going to believe that I remember she was afraid of the long tall staircase we had to climb to go up to story hour so I held out my hand and when she took my hand and walked up those stairs clutching my hand that I was not only stoned on bliss but searching my brain for things to say to her? That when she sat next to me and I whispered comments to her about the stories and she giggled,that I felt the whole world up open up with a hope I hadn't even known I could imagine before that moment? That after that I lived for the day I went to story hour and every love song I heard on the radio suddenly made sense because of her? That the one song that really summed up my feelings was Al Green's " Look What You've Done For Me " and even now when I hear it I recall how my spirit was soaring because I had Ellen in my life? A three year old? Falling in love like that? It sounds like a tall tale,but it's the truth.She was my first love,not as a teenager,but as a preschooler.Who is going to believe that? I just don't think that I'm ready to proclaim my not very normal truth to the world...and going back to where I began with this,if Ellen's mother,nearing the end of her life now,was hurt by knowing everything that went down with K. on that playground and later,the rest of the world knowing about my own nada wouldn't be worth the pain those disclosures might cause to her mother,who was a *mother* and even if I contacted her beforehand I don't see any way around the question of :What do you know,what do you want to give me a heads up about before you publish? Because what else can I say but: I think your daughter was murdered...and so it goes round and round in my head...The town I grew up in is a small town and if anyone from there actually published a book set in that stupid little town,you can bet it would get mentioned in the town paper and Ellen's death was the only time a child went missing for days there and turned up dead,the whole town was searching for her... It's all too complicated.I'm too complicated.Other people could get hurt.Screw the people who would want to sue me for libel,I just couldn't hurt Ellen's mother after she lost her child or give my former babysitter a nervous breakdown...there is informing the public about nadas and there is the fact that Ellen and her memory are sacred to me.Would anyone besides her mother believe,too,that Ellen knew at the age of three " what " she wanted to be? She wanted to be a symphony conductor and a painter.There was a reason we clicked: she was gifted,too.I know rationally that I survived because my encounter with K. occured at a lake I was able to climb out of,not that creek where even adults get fatally dragged into the undertow---but it still seems to me that Ellen would have lived a better life than the one I've had. Maybe when I'm older,and Ellen's mother and my babysitter have passed away,I could write an autobiography,but not now.In the meantime I'd rather write fiction.I can't save the world.I don't know if I could even entertain the world or inform the world with fiction or reveal this world to itself with fiction but I know that I can't save it. I'm sorry this was so long--and you see how convoluted it was? I still have much healing to do before I could possibly put forth my own experience as an example. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2011 Report Share Posted January 9, 2011 ,there are several reasons why writing an autobiography seems problemmatic to me.I might be over thinking some of it,but if I bothered to write one at all (assuming I'd even be able to find a publisher or get any publicity for it),I'd want to tell the truth.Since that would be the point,right??!! Telling that truth first of all would be problemmatic at this point because I'd be making some very serious allegations against several people (murder,attempted murder,rape) that have never gone to court.Or,in the one case that did,the death was ruled a " tragic accident " . And that case--the death of my friend Ellen--raises a serious ethical issue for me because her mother is still alive.I haven't seen her since I was five and I have absolutely no idea if she has had suspicions over the years and would prefer to know what I know about K.,the girl who was with Ellen when she " fell " into that creek; if knowing would be helpful to her--OR--if she has come to some kind of acceptance of what happened and if hearing this new information would cause her incredible pain.She is now an elderly woman.She is a mother whose child died,the worst thing that can happen to anyone.Ellen's father never got over her death and died in his early forties of a sudden heart attack,so in effect she lost both her husband and her child to the tragedy.I don't know if she has even processed the possibility that her child was in all probability *murdered*.That is a huge differance from having a child who accidentally died. I had my own encounter with K. when I was nine and she attempted to drown me,too.K.,Ellen and I had known one another from a playground.It's a long involved story but K. had threatened both of us,and Ellen in particular,over an incident at that playground when Ellen had " talked back " to her.I remember the details very clearly but was never able to tell anyone about it because nobody would listen. My encounter with K. was one of the times when nada set me up to be killed or harmed.Another long involved story,of which I have posted on here in the past.If I was writing an autobiography along the lines of " what it was like to be raised by a psychopathic mother " ,I couldn't really leave that entire incident out,nor would I want to.Because that was the one time I did almost die and I'm only alive now because I fought back.And there is no way to mention my encounter with K. without giving the back story about Ellen,because without it, it wouldn't make much sense why K. had such antipathy towards me. As far as I know,K. is also still alive. The other ethical issue is my former babysitter,who was only twelve when the gang rapes started and who went along with them and even assisted them to spare herself.Who also swore me to silence afterward,terrified both of the boys' threats to burn our houses down if we told and that she herself would get into trouble.I don't blame her for what happened.She wasn't the brightest bulb in the box,but she wasn't malicious,either.She started to have serious health issues late in her teens that she continued to have when under stress--I suspect in large part due to self blame over having witnessed and participated in some really evil acts against a small child,me.On the one hand,I'd be concerned about her health.On the other hand,because she isn't particularly bright,I have no idea how consciously she recalls any of it.At any rate I think it's safe to assume that finding out how well I remember what happened would cause a major health crisis for her.From the standpoint of the one who has been in therapy and done alot of processing work,I could say that letting her know that I don't blame her and see her as a victim too would be healing for her,but that is an assumption.I think more likely,it would open up a huge can of worms for her.I very much doubt that she has processed any of it at all. And again,if I wrote this thing at all,I'd want to tell the truth.How could I write about something that went on for three and a half years without offering some explanation as to *why* the babysitter did nothing to stop it? Or why she herself wasn't raped? The other thing is: me! Me being different,having always been different.I was never a so called " normal " or " average " child.I remember events from far back,in detail,such as the book I was reading with my grandfather at the hospital the day we went to bring my baby brother home when I was two and a half. " Ananzi The Spider " ,by the way! I remember many more things from that one day.Who is going to believe that? Who is going to believe that I also remember what I was thinking that day? Who is going to believe that a two year old is capable of the level of existential depair I experienced that day? The day that nada and fada's savior was brought home,the second born who restored their faith in themselves as parents,the golden boy? The day that I knew that I was doomed,relegated to non existence and since we're talking about a nada,that was all literal not just a child feeling displaced by the arrival of a younger sibling...a day and a memory that relate directly to how nada treated me later,to her hatred and abuse of me. I've had people,to my great pain,believe that I am *lying* about the things I remember because I remember them so clearly or the things I was interested in as a young child.I understand that much of it would seem unlikely,if in fact I had been like the average child.So it gets even more complicated.Would I have to preface the whole thing with: these are the childhood memories of someone who had the intellectual capacity of a twelve year old at the age of five (results of " IQ test " given in kindergarten,same IQ range when retested at thirteen).I hate mentioning that at all because in my experience people go weird about " IQ " stuff,with either suspicion ( " this person must be very crafty " ) or misunderstanding ( " this person must be capable of extraordinary XYZ " )...It can be dehumanizing to be viewed this way.It doesn't prevent me from doing very *stupid* things at times/being quite a dullard too nor does it make me superhuman.It seems to me that I'd have to frame the whole thing as the autobiography of a " profoundly gifted " (as that IQ range is called) child who was systematically destroyed by her psychopathic mother or my experience won't seem credible.And beyond the ethical considerations I mentioned--which are primary to me--I just don't really want to be that kind of spokesperson.I'm not ready for that.I have so much shit to trawl through in therapy that we haven't even gotten to that part yet,how being different in that way added to my traumas.I still have trouble with the whole thing,in my own mind: I often feel like an idiot (with a genius IQ that barely matters one whit) because I haven't been able to work all of this out,to reach my potential...and in that way,of frustrated potential,I'm simply like many another KO. On a purely personal level I don't want to offer myself up as an object of derision,to write about my deepest feelings only to have them misunderstood or doubted.If such an autobiography would be about *me*,I don't want to pour out my soul only to have my reality disbelieved.I think that I'm too out of the norm to write an " abused child " autobiography.Who is going to really believe,for example, that at the age of three I was running up and down the aisles of the public library being naughty and turned and saw Ellen standing against the wall at her mother's side and stopped dead because she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen and went up to her,completely entranced,to ask her if she was going to " story hour " too and when she said yes,could not believe my luck? A three year old? But it's true.Who is going to believe that I remember she was afraid of the long tall staircase we had to climb to go up to story hour so I held out my hand and when she took my hand and walked up those stairs clutching my hand that I was not only stoned on bliss but searching my brain for things to say to her? That when she sat next to me and I whispered comments to her about the stories and she giggled,that I felt the whole world up open up with a hope I hadn't even known I could imagine before that moment? That after that I lived for the day I went to story hour and every love song I heard on the radio suddenly made sense because of her? That the one song that really summed up my feelings was Al Green's " Look What You've Done For Me " and even now when I hear it I recall how my spirit was soaring because I had Ellen in my life? A three year old? Falling in love like that? It sounds like a tall tale,but it's the truth.She was my first love,not as a teenager,but as a preschooler.Who is going to believe that? I just don't think that I'm ready to proclaim my not very normal truth to the world...and going back to where I began with this,if Ellen's mother,nearing the end of her life now,was hurt by knowing everything that went down with K. on that playground and later,the rest of the world knowing about my own nada wouldn't be worth the pain those disclosures might cause to her mother,who was a *mother* and even if I contacted her beforehand I don't see any way around the question of :What do you know,what do you want to give me a heads up about before you publish? Because what else can I say but: I think your daughter was murdered...and so it goes round and round in my head...The town I grew up in is a small town and if anyone from there actually published a book set in that stupid little town,you can bet it would get mentioned in the town paper and Ellen's death was the only time a child went missing for days there and turned up dead,the whole town was searching for her... It's all too complicated.I'm too complicated.Other people could get hurt.Screw the people who would want to sue me for libel,I just couldn't hurt Ellen's mother after she lost her child or give my former babysitter a nervous breakdown...there is informing the public about nadas and there is the fact that Ellen and her memory are sacred to me.Would anyone besides her mother believe,too,that Ellen knew at the age of three " what " she wanted to be? She wanted to be a symphony conductor and a painter.There was a reason we clicked: she was gifted,too.I know rationally that I survived because my encounter with K. occured at a lake I was able to climb out of,not that creek where even adults get fatally dragged into the undertow---but it still seems to me that Ellen would have lived a better life than the one I've had. Maybe when I'm older,and Ellen's mother and my babysitter have passed away,I could write an autobiography,but not now.In the meantime I'd rather write fiction.I can't save the world.I don't know if I could even entertain the world or inform the world with fiction or reveal this world to itself with fiction but I know that I can't save it. I'm sorry this was so long--and you see how convoluted it was? I still have much healing to do before I could possibly put forth my own experience as an example. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2011 Report Share Posted January 9, 2011 Hello ! I don't want to push you into witting a book - just few of my suggestion. Writing a story of your life even if you write it for yourself can have a lot of healing moments - you put all the chaos into some kind of order, you release a lot of emotions...and so on. A lot of writers said that it helps them heal their wounds. And if you decided to publish I'm sure you would easly find some publisher - belive me your story has all the elements of best seller, but much more important it can brings a lot of awareness to the world what really happened behind the closed doors of Borderland. But the most important is you - telling your truth. About your considerations. I 've mostly worked with very delicate things and I'm almost sure I didn't make any emotional harm to people who needed to be protected. Threads about suing me are daily part of my working process and they never did it , Except once - and I won. There are a lot of ways how to deal with that. You can write a book like a fiction novel not like a autobiography. And there is a lot of ways how to write something to avoid lawsuits ( I'll talk about possible emotional damage to others later) You don't claim that somebody did something you put words together on such way that people assume what happened. For example. You don't say . I'm convinced that she killed her. You tell the story and said for example that the little girl always wonder if the other one did that intentional or not. But that is just example. You just tell the facts with some of your thoughts and people would get it without you saying it directly enough so they can sue you. About Ellen mother. If it is not too much for you try to contact her and see if your fears are real or not ( do it very carefully for bouth of you) . My experiences are that parents of children who died long ago are grateful that anybody even remember their child. Normally they are the only ones who still has her or him in their thoughts and hearts others went on with their lives and they forget. Talk to her and you'll se what is really happening with her and than decide what to do with that. And maybe talking to herr would be good for you too regardless of possiblity to write your book. About your babysitter. We KOs are sometimes more worried about condition of our abusers than about ourselves. Stupid or not, remembering or not - she is responsible for her actions ( or not actions) and she is responsible for her health. You don't blame her anymore for what happened that is really ok, but it is not your job to take her resposibilities away from her. i do believe you can vividly remember some things form time when you are little. Some people do and this is completely normal. And anyway it doesn't matter if other believes you or not - you know the truth. You were always different because you are special but on special way :-) you are highly intelligent ( even with normal parents you would have a lot of problems with other kids ) you are highly sensible and compassionate and you are survivor of horrible horrible thinks - a lot of others " normal " people would be total destroyed or even death. So you don't have to be ashamed because of your difference you can be reasonably proud because of that. Your mother and your worries about disclosure and pain- the same like with babysitter. You have right to think, remember, say anything you ae believing is your truth and you are not responsible for consequences of somebody else behavior. Nadas trained us to shut up, to hide and at one point you have to decide to obey that to the and of you life or too tell your own truth.You have you right to you truth like anybody else. And you don't have to conforont with her if you don't want to. She choose to abuse you, you have right to choose to talk and to choose with who and about what. Neighbours who didn't see anything..this is written in many stories who talk about horrible things who happened in front of their nose, so nothing new ..:-) ..It would be good for them to reflect to think if they really didn't see anything or they didn't want to.And I learnt that you can never ever please everybody and everybody will see your truth differently. If I asked 10 people how they see my article I would get 10 different stories what I wanted to say , what was good and what not and what should I do differently. So long ago I decided not to take their comments to seriously and to tell my stories because of me, because of what I want to tell and to stop trying to convince others to belive my truth. This is how I see , feel, hear it -take it or leave it. If you don't want to expose yourselve you can publish your novel with other name and hide your true identity . Or you can decide not to talk to any journalists and not answer any questions - you are not obliged to - let the book speak for itselve. I don't want to say to you that you have to do it I just tried to tell you my wiev on your dilemmas . So I hope I was not too much. If you would ever consider to really do it I offer you my help - I'll tell you all the " tricks " I know...:-)) and reading in English is for me almost like reading in my language I've read tones of English books and tones and tones other one in my lanugate - I'm desperatly addicted to them. . (I have problems with writing because I'm not use to that so much) Just let me now it and I'll be with you..:-)) gladly and happily reading your stories Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2011 Report Share Posted January 9, 2011 Hello ! I don't want to push you into witting a book - just few of my suggestion. Writing a story of your life even if you write it for yourself can have a lot of healing moments - you put all the chaos into some kind of order, you release a lot of emotions...and so on. A lot of writers said that it helps them heal their wounds. And if you decided to publish I'm sure you would easly find some publisher - belive me your story has all the elements of best seller, but much more important it can brings a lot of awareness to the world what really happened behind the closed doors of Borderland. But the most important is you - telling your truth. About your considerations. I 've mostly worked with very delicate things and I'm almost sure I didn't make any emotional harm to people who needed to be protected. Threads about suing me are daily part of my working process and they never did it , Except once - and I won. There are a lot of ways how to deal with that. You can write a book like a fiction novel not like a autobiography. And there is a lot of ways how to write something to avoid lawsuits ( I'll talk about possible emotional damage to others later) You don't claim that somebody did something you put words together on such way that people assume what happened. For example. You don't say . I'm convinced that she killed her. You tell the story and said for example that the little girl always wonder if the other one did that intentional or not. But that is just example. You just tell the facts with some of your thoughts and people would get it without you saying it directly enough so they can sue you. About Ellen mother. If it is not too much for you try to contact her and see if your fears are real or not ( do it very carefully for bouth of you) . My experiences are that parents of children who died long ago are grateful that anybody even remember their child. Normally they are the only ones who still has her or him in their thoughts and hearts others went on with their lives and they forget. Talk to her and you'll se what is really happening with her and than decide what to do with that. And maybe talking to herr would be good for you too regardless of possiblity to write your book. About your babysitter. We KOs are sometimes more worried about condition of our abusers than about ourselves. Stupid or not, remembering or not - she is responsible for her actions ( or not actions) and she is responsible for her health. You don't blame her anymore for what happened that is really ok, but it is not your job to take her resposibilities away from her. i do believe you can vividly remember some things form time when you are little. Some people do and this is completely normal. And anyway it doesn't matter if other believes you or not - you know the truth. You were always different because you are special but on special way :-) you are highly intelligent ( even with normal parents you would have a lot of problems with other kids ) you are highly sensible and compassionate and you are survivor of horrible horrible thinks - a lot of others " normal " people would be total destroyed or even death. So you don't have to be ashamed because of your difference you can be reasonably proud because of that. Your mother and your worries about disclosure and pain- the same like with babysitter. You have right to think, remember, say anything you ae believing is your truth and you are not responsible for consequences of somebody else behavior. Nadas trained us to shut up, to hide and at one point you have to decide to obey that to the and of you life or too tell your own truth.You have you right to you truth like anybody else. And you don't have to conforont with her if you don't want to. She choose to abuse you, you have right to choose to talk and to choose with who and about what. Neighbours who didn't see anything..this is written in many stories who talk about horrible things who happened in front of their nose, so nothing new ..:-) ..It would be good for them to reflect to think if they really didn't see anything or they didn't want to.And I learnt that you can never ever please everybody and everybody will see your truth differently. If I asked 10 people how they see my article I would get 10 different stories what I wanted to say , what was good and what not and what should I do differently. So long ago I decided not to take their comments to seriously and to tell my stories because of me, because of what I want to tell and to stop trying to convince others to belive my truth. This is how I see , feel, hear it -take it or leave it. If you don't want to expose yourselve you can publish your novel with other name and hide your true identity . Or you can decide not to talk to any journalists and not answer any questions - you are not obliged to - let the book speak for itselve. I don't want to say to you that you have to do it I just tried to tell you my wiev on your dilemmas . So I hope I was not too much. If you would ever consider to really do it I offer you my help - I'll tell you all the " tricks " I know...:-)) and reading in English is for me almost like reading in my language I've read tones of English books and tones and tones other one in my lanugate - I'm desperatly addicted to them. . (I have problems with writing because I'm not use to that so much) Just let me now it and I'll be with you..:-)) gladly and happily reading your stories Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2011 Report Share Posted January 9, 2011 Hello ! I don't want to push you into witting a book - just few of my suggestion. Writing a story of your life even if you write it for yourself can have a lot of healing moments - you put all the chaos into some kind of order, you release a lot of emotions...and so on. A lot of writers said that it helps them heal their wounds. And if you decided to publish I'm sure you would easly find some publisher - belive me your story has all the elements of best seller, but much more important it can brings a lot of awareness to the world what really happened behind the closed doors of Borderland. But the most important is you - telling your truth. About your considerations. I 've mostly worked with very delicate things and I'm almost sure I didn't make any emotional harm to people who needed to be protected. Threads about suing me are daily part of my working process and they never did it , Except once - and I won. There are a lot of ways how to deal with that. You can write a book like a fiction novel not like a autobiography. And there is a lot of ways how to write something to avoid lawsuits ( I'll talk about possible emotional damage to others later) You don't claim that somebody did something you put words together on such way that people assume what happened. For example. You don't say . I'm convinced that she killed her. You tell the story and said for example that the little girl always wonder if the other one did that intentional or not. But that is just example. You just tell the facts with some of your thoughts and people would get it without you saying it directly enough so they can sue you. About Ellen mother. If it is not too much for you try to contact her and see if your fears are real or not ( do it very carefully for bouth of you) . My experiences are that parents of children who died long ago are grateful that anybody even remember their child. Normally they are the only ones who still has her or him in their thoughts and hearts others went on with their lives and they forget. Talk to her and you'll se what is really happening with her and than decide what to do with that. And maybe talking to herr would be good for you too regardless of possiblity to write your book. About your babysitter. We KOs are sometimes more worried about condition of our abusers than about ourselves. Stupid or not, remembering or not - she is responsible for her actions ( or not actions) and she is responsible for her health. You don't blame her anymore for what happened that is really ok, but it is not your job to take her resposibilities away from her. i do believe you can vividly remember some things form time when you are little. Some people do and this is completely normal. And anyway it doesn't matter if other believes you or not - you know the truth. You were always different because you are special but on special way :-) you are highly intelligent ( even with normal parents you would have a lot of problems with other kids ) you are highly sensible and compassionate and you are survivor of horrible horrible thinks - a lot of others " normal " people would be total destroyed or even death. So you don't have to be ashamed because of your difference you can be reasonably proud because of that. Your mother and your worries about disclosure and pain- the same like with babysitter. You have right to think, remember, say anything you ae believing is your truth and you are not responsible for consequences of somebody else behavior. Nadas trained us to shut up, to hide and at one point you have to decide to obey that to the and of you life or too tell your own truth.You have you right to you truth like anybody else. And you don't have to conforont with her if you don't want to. She choose to abuse you, you have right to choose to talk and to choose with who and about what. Neighbours who didn't see anything..this is written in many stories who talk about horrible things who happened in front of their nose, so nothing new ..:-) ..It would be good for them to reflect to think if they really didn't see anything or they didn't want to.And I learnt that you can never ever please everybody and everybody will see your truth differently. If I asked 10 people how they see my article I would get 10 different stories what I wanted to say , what was good and what not and what should I do differently. So long ago I decided not to take their comments to seriously and to tell my stories because of me, because of what I want to tell and to stop trying to convince others to belive my truth. This is how I see , feel, hear it -take it or leave it. If you don't want to expose yourselve you can publish your novel with other name and hide your true identity . Or you can decide not to talk to any journalists and not answer any questions - you are not obliged to - let the book speak for itselve. I don't want to say to you that you have to do it I just tried to tell you my wiev on your dilemmas . So I hope I was not too much. If you would ever consider to really do it I offer you my help - I'll tell you all the " tricks " I know...:-)) and reading in English is for me almost like reading in my language I've read tones of English books and tones and tones other one in my lanugate - I'm desperatly addicted to them. . (I have problems with writing because I'm not use to that so much) Just let me now it and I'll be with you..:-)) gladly and happily reading your stories Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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