not lonely...but insecurity about singlehood

[Guest guest]

Just want to sidetrack for a moment before I get into the nitty gritty of my

security...First off, I want to say I really APPRECIATE these boards this time

of year. I currently have no contact with my any family (some of them chose no

contact with me to side with Nada) and this is the second xmas I've spent with

friends and I'm really enjoying it. I received 2 Christmas invites, and I was

already invited to 2 Christmas parties where i had way more fun and relaxation

than I ever would in my family environment.I am most GRATEFUL for the quality

time I've been having, and I'm enjoying my life. It is becoming richer with time

and healing.

But I also have been having this other nagging insecurity (it was here

already)...it is intensified during the holidays where a lot of the social

gatherings I attend are comprised of couples. I'm trying to work my way through

it. I'm not lonely or desperately searching for anyone. In fact, I am fine with

remaining single.

But...

Here goes: it feels like I am never able to attract a stable significant person

(romantically) into my life. If I do, it doesn't last long. They either get

flaky on me, are only around to have a good time (but try to convince me

otherwise for one thing or another), or they are confused and cannot make up

their mind and I begin to get mixed signals and more flakiness. It's definitely

put me off dating and I stopped thinking about it for a while.

I know I need to heal some more and work on myself. My needs are very strong

right now and I don't have a lot to give. Perhaps this is why I feel I do not

attract a lot of people towards me? It's not so much that I am trying to date at

this point--and it has nothing to do with loneliness...but it is making me

wonder and wondering about it causing insecurity in the way people perceive me.

I am the type of person who does not ask for much because of my upbringing with

Nada, so its not like I'm grabbing the coat tails of anyone who walks by and

scaring them off...but I feel people must sense something about me...as if they

know I'm not " grounded " , and the thought of this makes me uncomfortable. I don't

want to have invisible writing on my forehead that says " take advantage of me "

or " slim pickings " . The thought of this scares me so much that it makes me

worried to ever go out again.

I had a friend who once who told me that one year, all these people just " came

out of the woods " , and she was attracting a variety of people who were really

making an effort to get to know her. When before, there was a total dry spell.

This phenomenon totally makes me wonder what " vibes " im giving off about myself.

Perhaps it will help me figure out how much healing I actually have left to do.

Plus, I don't like feeling like people's " last resort " date.

Has anyone else felt this way or wondered about this sort of stuff?

Joy