Re: Reaching out, need help dealing w/QUEEN nada

[Guest guest]

Lynn, along with my mom being a waif BPD, my aunt is a queen BPD. She also used

her powers to make everyone love her to the point of worship with attention

(she's very attention-needy from men and women alike), while neglecting her own

daughter (my cousin).

She has been complaining about my cousin since she was born, saying she was too

cranky as an infant. She got people to feel sorry for her...like she didn't

deserve this kind of treatment from an infant...it was so sick. She would take

it personally that her baby was crying for no reason. My cousin grew up being

kicked by her...and yelled at...and disliked. My cousin is now 41 and has

detached herself from the family, which is all broken up anyway.

My aunt painted a picture of herself as sexy, beautiful and with it. She

actually purchased kegs of beer many years ago for her son's high school

graduation for his friends...excuse me, but that was ILLEGAL! She didn't care

about the ramifications of this act of selfishness and irresponsibility. She

wanted all the boys in the grade to like her...so she supplied them with beer on

a beautiful June afternoon. Luckily for her, nobody got killed while driving

drunk.

Amy

Reaching out, need help dealing w/QUEEN nada

She used to treat me much like she is w/my own kids now ( " spoiled rotton " , which

I now see as a form of abuse), I became accustomed to this (never individuated

normally, that's for sure & was actually crippled by her overinvolved

codependent caretaking if that's what you wanna call it), and now that my older

2 kids are in her clutches, she has no need for me (her daughter). Sometimes I

feel like she deliberately tried to steal my life. Worse of all, my kids are

affected by her illness & control tactics, and have been there whole lifes.

This is nearly more than I can bear at times. To see how I did not protect

them, or myself, from this illness or from her abuse (that makes her look

wonderful to most of the world, and me like and ungrateful bitch).

I'm very isolated here. We live in a small town. People know her from her

work. She's very functional in work and makes lots of money (money=power), and

flaunts her social/economic status, and treats me with derision (based upon my

'status'???) privately. Other people just think she is such a " strong " woman.

I really need some support, understanding. Am I the crazy one here, maybe it's

all me? Does anyone else have a QUEEN bpd Mother/nada? If so, please share

what it's like, or if this sounds familiar.

Thanks so much,

Lynn

[Guest guest]

Hi Amy,

for some reason only the last portion of my post went through. Oh well. Thanks

for sharing your experience with me. Last spring, my son's sr. yr. hs., he got

drunk at her house & took off in his car (upset at his gf), and was driving

drunk & speeding & drove off the road - wrecked his car. Nada acted ignorant

(like she had no idea he was drinking???? He was with her at her house, which

is where he got the alcohol and got intoxicated, not to mention she's the one

who bought him a fancy sports car. I also found out from my dd her brother, my

ds, had a homemade distillary at grandnada's house (which she was aware of).

Her house became the hangout for my kids and all of their friends. She would

give them money, food, etc., whatever their little hearts desired. Thank God,

ds was not injured in the wreck. He went to jail and got a dui (a blessing,

let's hope). Totalled his car (which she promptly payed to have fixed). Her

response was anger at first (how could he do this to her?), followed by pity,

bailing him out of jail, and hiring an expensive lawyer. All I could think, was

thank God he did not hurt himeself or someone else.

She now is paying for all living expenses for dd and her bf (they are 17 & 18),

since dd wanted to move to a different city for school. All nada does is

COMPLAIN about how immature dd is, and what a loser her bf is (he can't find a

job). She is staying with them a few days right now. Drove all the way over

there & didn't even invite me (probalby a good thing, but it hurt my feelings

none the less). Dd keeps msg'ing me to tell me grandnada is annoying

her/driving her crazy, bc nada won't stop complaining about her messy apartment,

and how it makes her feel like " trash " . dd is sick, and grandnada (my mom)

refused to let her wear her slippers to the doc. Worst of all though, is dd was

filling out paper work at doctor, and grandnada was hovering and telling her

what to write, and when dd wrote my name where it said Mother, grandnada got

pissed, grabbed the papers, crossed it out, and put herself in there (she pays

dd's insurance, and everything else).

Is that sick & twisted, or what? Unfortunately dd has learned to comply &

manipulate to get what she wants (lots of stuff), and it's christmas, grandnada

will spend at least $1,000 and get her whatever she wants. Then, she will

complain about how broke she is and FOG everyone (especially me), which is why I

don't want to be around her at all. I'm just sick of it. The only reason I

will be around her, is because x-mas dinner is at her house, and my kids will be

there, and I want to see them so badly. I haven't decided if I'll go or not

yet. It's a long story how it got this messed up, but I will tell you

everything changed after my stepdad died 4 yrs.ago. She's gotten way worse

since then.

My nada sounds like your Aunt somewhat though. As far as she is concerned. I

feel as though she has resented me since the day I was born, for some reason.

She used to tell me how she only married my Dad because she had to (pregnant

w/me), and that he made her life hell for 10 yrs. When she left him (I was 10),

it was followed by her believing that I made her life hell. She's such a

long-suffering person who does nothing but give, LOL.

Lynn

>

> Lynn, along with my mom being a waif BPD, my aunt is a queen BPD. She also

used her powers to make everyone love her to the point of worship with attention

(she's very attention-needy from men and women alike), while neglecting her own

daughter (my cousin).

>

>

> She has been complaining about my cousin since she was born, saying she was

too cranky as an infant. She got people to feel sorry for her...like she didn't

deserve this kind of treatment from an infant...it was so sick. She would take

it personally that her baby was crying for no reason. My cousin grew up being

kicked by her...and yelled at...and disliked. My cousin is now 41 and has

detached herself from the family, which is all broken up anyway.

>

>

> My aunt painted a picture of herself as sexy, beautiful and with it. She

actually purchased kegs of beer many years ago for her son's high school

graduation for his friends...excuse me, but that was ILLEGAL! She didn't care

about the ramifications of this act of selfishness and irresponsibility. She

wanted all the boys in the grade to like her...so she supplied them with beer on

a beautiful June afternoon. Luckily for her, nobody got killed while driving

drunk.

>

>

> Amy

>

>

>

>

>

> Reaching out, need help dealing w/QUEEN nada

>

>

>

>

>

>

> She used to treat me much like she is w/my own kids now ( " spoiled rotton " ,

which I now see as a form of abuse), I became accustomed to this (never

individuated normally, that's for sure & was actually crippled by her

overinvolved codependent caretaking if that's what you wanna call it), and now

that my older 2 kids are in her clutches, she has no need for me (her daughter).

Sometimes I feel like she deliberately tried to steal my life. Worse of all, my

kids are affected by her illness & control tactics, and have been there whole

lifes. This is nearly more than I can bear at times. To see how I did not

protect them, or myself, from this illness or from her abuse (that makes her

look wonderful to most of the world, and me like and ungrateful bitch).

>

> I'm very isolated here. We live in a small town. People know her from her

work. She's very functional in work and makes lots of money (money=power), and

flaunts her social/economic status, and treats me with derision (based upon my

'status'???) privately. Other people just think she is such a " strong " woman.

>

> I really need some support, understanding. Am I the crazy one here, maybe

it's all me? Does anyone else have a QUEEN bpd Mother/nada? If so, please

share what it's like, or if this sounds familiar.

> Thanks so much,

> Lynn

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Amy,

for some reason only the last portion of my post went through. Oh well. Thanks

for sharing your experience with me. Last spring, my son's sr. yr. hs., he got

drunk at her house & took off in his car (upset at his gf), and was driving

drunk & speeding & drove off the road - wrecked his car. Nada acted ignorant

(like she had no idea he was drinking???? He was with her at her house, which

is where he got the alcohol and got intoxicated, not to mention she's the one

who bought him a fancy sports car. I also found out from my dd her brother, my

ds, had a homemade distillary at grandnada's house (which she was aware of).

Her house became the hangout for my kids and all of their friends. She would

give them money, food, etc., whatever their little hearts desired. Thank God,

ds was not injured in the wreck. He went to jail and got a dui (a blessing,

let's hope). Totalled his car (which she promptly payed to have fixed). Her

response was anger at first (how could he do this to her?), followed by pity,

bailing him out of jail, and hiring an expensive lawyer. All I could think, was

thank God he did not hurt himeself or someone else.

She now is paying for all living expenses for dd and her bf (they are 17 & 18),

since dd wanted to move to a different city for school. All nada does is

COMPLAIN about how immature dd is, and what a loser her bf is (he can't find a

job). She is staying with them a few days right now. Drove all the way over

there & didn't even invite me (probalby a good thing, but it hurt my feelings

none the less). Dd keeps msg'ing me to tell me grandnada is annoying

her/driving her crazy, bc nada won't stop complaining about her messy apartment,

and how it makes her feel like " trash " . dd is sick, and grandnada (my mom)

refused to let her wear her slippers to the doc. Worst of all though, is dd was

filling out paper work at doctor, and grandnada was hovering and telling her

what to write, and when dd wrote my name where it said Mother, grandnada got

pissed, grabbed the papers, crossed it out, and put herself in there (she pays

dd's insurance, and everything else).

Is that sick & twisted, or what? Unfortunately dd has learned to comply &

manipulate to get what she wants (lots of stuff), and it's christmas, grandnada

will spend at least $1,000 and get her whatever she wants. Then, she will

complain about how broke she is and FOG everyone (especially me), which is why I

don't want to be around her at all. I'm just sick of it. The only reason I

will be around her, is because x-mas dinner is at her house, and my kids will be

there, and I want to see them so badly. I haven't decided if I'll go or not

yet. It's a long story how it got this messed up, but I will tell you

everything changed after my stepdad died 4 yrs.ago. She's gotten way worse

since then.

My nada sounds like your Aunt somewhat though. As far as she is concerned. I

feel as though she has resented me since the day I was born, for some reason.

She used to tell me how she only married my Dad because she had to (pregnant

w/me), and that he made her life hell for 10 yrs. When she left him (I was 10),

it was followed by her believing that I made her life hell. She's such a

long-suffering person who does nothing but give, LOL.

Lynn

>

> Lynn, along with my mom being a waif BPD, my aunt is a queen BPD. She also

used her powers to make everyone love her to the point of worship with attention

(she's very attention-needy from men and women alike), while neglecting her own

daughter (my cousin).

>

>

> She has been complaining about my cousin since she was born, saying she was

too cranky as an infant. She got people to feel sorry for her...like she didn't

deserve this kind of treatment from an infant...it was so sick. She would take

it personally that her baby was crying for no reason. My cousin grew up being

kicked by her...and yelled at...and disliked. My cousin is now 41 and has

detached herself from the family, which is all broken up anyway.

>

>

> My aunt painted a picture of herself as sexy, beautiful and with it. She

actually purchased kegs of beer many years ago for her son's high school

graduation for his friends...excuse me, but that was ILLEGAL! She didn't care

about the ramifications of this act of selfishness and irresponsibility. She

wanted all the boys in the grade to like her...so she supplied them with beer on

a beautiful June afternoon. Luckily for her, nobody got killed while driving

drunk.

>

>

> Amy

>

>

>

>

>

> Reaching out, need help dealing w/QUEEN nada

>

>

>

>

>

>

> She used to treat me much like she is w/my own kids now ( " spoiled rotton " ,

which I now see as a form of abuse), I became accustomed to this (never

individuated normally, that's for sure & was actually crippled by her

overinvolved codependent caretaking if that's what you wanna call it), and now

that my older 2 kids are in her clutches, she has no need for me (her daughter).

Sometimes I feel like she deliberately tried to steal my life. Worse of all, my

kids are affected by her illness & control tactics, and have been there whole

lifes. This is nearly more than I can bear at times. To see how I did not

protect them, or myself, from this illness or from her abuse (that makes her

look wonderful to most of the world, and me like and ungrateful bitch).

>

> I'm very isolated here. We live in a small town. People know her from her

work. She's very functional in work and makes lots of money (money=power), and

flaunts her social/economic status, and treats me with derision (based upon my

'status'???) privately. Other people just think she is such a " strong " woman.

>

> I really need some support, understanding. Am I the crazy one here, maybe

it's all me? Does anyone else have a QUEEN bpd Mother/nada? If so, please

share what it's like, or if this sounds familiar.

> Thanks so much,

> Lynn

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>