Re: Here goes

[Guest guest]

Rish have you been to counseling? I'm actually starting it myself next week. I'm thinking it will help me to figure out why I sabotage myself sometimes. At this time I'm doing well with IE and learning how to stop when not hungry and eat when hungry. Lately I've had a bit of an issue with eating before I'm really hungry mostly becasue I'm again being pulled towards food. Not sure why but hoping counseling will give me some insights into why I seem to need to stay fat. Your note sounds like you have a lot of pain inside from your relationship with food...maybe it can help?

Sunny

Here goes

Hi everyone, I'm writing to share about a serious personal struggle I'm facing wit my eating disorder. I consider myself to have EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified), because I am in recovery for binge eating and for restricting (nasty cycle to be in), as well as overexercising. In the past I've had success with intuitive eating. I moved home and started working on it about a month ago. I haven't restricted what I eat, only restricted myself to eat when hungry and stop when full. For about a month and a half, I was not binging or restricting. I had a few days with some compulsive bites but I recognized it and moved on.

During the last couple weeks, in part due to working at a new job with a really bad environment, I started binging again. It was terrifying because I was so aware of it and yet my awareness couldn't help me this time. It was scary. It happened about four days in the last week. And it didn't necessarily feel like emotional eating, more like I wanted to fail with my recovery. I didn't feel like trying, didn't think it was worth it. It was strange. Now I'm afraid of spinning out of control again. I'm afraid of all letting food conquer me again, because it's definitely felt like that for the last week. During times like this I feel really helpless, because my eating disorder seems so strong and powerful that my best efforts never seem to work. In fact sometimes I don't even try because I'm afraid if I do and fail, then I'll just lose faith in the process of recovery.

I'm really scared. I know how to eat intuitively. That doesn't seem like the problem. I think it's a lot of negative beliefs that are trying to stop me, and I feel so weak and powerless :-(

If anyone can relate or have some advice about similar experiences, I would really appreciate it.

Thank you for reading

Rish

------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

Rish have you been to counseling? I'm actually starting it myself next week. I'm thinking it will help me to figure out why I sabotage myself sometimes. At this time I'm doing well with IE and learning how to stop when not hungry and eat when hungry. Lately I've had a bit of an issue with eating before I'm really hungry mostly becasue I'm again being pulled towards food. Not sure why but hoping counseling will give me some insights into why I seem to need to stay fat. Your note sounds like you have a lot of pain inside from your relationship with food...maybe it can help?

Sunny

Here goes

Hi everyone, I'm writing to share about a serious personal struggle I'm facing wit my eating disorder. I consider myself to have EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified), because I am in recovery for binge eating and for restricting (nasty cycle to be in), as well as overexercising. In the past I've had success with intuitive eating. I moved home and started working on it about a month ago. I haven't restricted what I eat, only restricted myself to eat when hungry and stop when full. For about a month and a half, I was not binging or restricting. I had a few days with some compulsive bites but I recognized it and moved on.

During the last couple weeks, in part due to working at a new job with a really bad environment, I started binging again. It was terrifying because I was so aware of it and yet my awareness couldn't help me this time. It was scary. It happened about four days in the last week. And it didn't necessarily feel like emotional eating, more like I wanted to fail with my recovery. I didn't feel like trying, didn't think it was worth it. It was strange. Now I'm afraid of spinning out of control again. I'm afraid of all letting food conquer me again, because it's definitely felt like that for the last week. During times like this I feel really helpless, because my eating disorder seems so strong and powerful that my best efforts never seem to work. In fact sometimes I don't even try because I'm afraid if I do and fail, then I'll just lose faith in the process of recovery.

I'm really scared. I know how to eat intuitively. That doesn't seem like the problem. I think it's a lot of negative beliefs that are trying to stop me, and I feel so weak and powerless :-(

If anyone can relate or have some advice about similar experiences, I would really appreciate it.

Thank you for reading

Rish

------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

Rish have you been to counseling? I'm actually starting it myself next week. I'm thinking it will help me to figure out why I sabotage myself sometimes. At this time I'm doing well with IE and learning how to stop when not hungry and eat when hungry. Lately I've had a bit of an issue with eating before I'm really hungry mostly becasue I'm again being pulled towards food. Not sure why but hoping counseling will give me some insights into why I seem to need to stay fat. Your note sounds like you have a lot of pain inside from your relationship with food...maybe it can help?

Sunny

Here goes

Hi everyone, I'm writing to share about a serious personal struggle I'm facing wit my eating disorder. I consider myself to have EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified), because I am in recovery for binge eating and for restricting (nasty cycle to be in), as well as overexercising. In the past I've had success with intuitive eating. I moved home and started working on it about a month ago. I haven't restricted what I eat, only restricted myself to eat when hungry and stop when full. For about a month and a half, I was not binging or restricting. I had a few days with some compulsive bites but I recognized it and moved on.

During the last couple weeks, in part due to working at a new job with a really bad environment, I started binging again. It was terrifying because I was so aware of it and yet my awareness couldn't help me this time. It was scary. It happened about four days in the last week. And it didn't necessarily feel like emotional eating, more like I wanted to fail with my recovery. I didn't feel like trying, didn't think it was worth it. It was strange. Now I'm afraid of spinning out of control again. I'm afraid of all letting food conquer me again, because it's definitely felt like that for the last week. During times like this I feel really helpless, because my eating disorder seems so strong and powerful that my best efforts never seem to work. In fact sometimes I don't even try because I'm afraid if I do and fail, then I'll just lose faith in the process of recovery.

I'm really scared. I know how to eat intuitively. That doesn't seem like the problem. I think it's a lot of negative beliefs that are trying to stop me, and I feel so weak and powerless :-(

If anyone can relate or have some advice about similar experiences, I would really appreciate it.

Thank you for reading

Rish

------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

Hi Sunny,

I see a therapist, who helps me a lot. She's actually worked a lot with clients

who do intuitive eating. You have a good point though, it's time to look into

why I sabotage myself and change those beliefs, let myself feel worthy and

deserving of recovery. Thank you :-)

Rish

>

>

> Rish have you been to counseling? I'm actually starting it myself next week.

I'm thinking it will help me to figure out why I sabotage myself sometimes. At

this time I'm doing well with IE and learning how to stop when not hungry and

eat when hungry. Lately I've had a bit of an issue with eating before I'm

really hungry mostly becasue I'm again being pulled towards food. Not sure why

but hoping counseling will give me some insights into why I seem to need to stay

fat. Your note sounds like you have a lot of pain inside from your relationship

with food...maybe it can help?

>

> Sunny

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Here goes

>

>

> Hi everyone, I'm writing to share about a serious personal struggle I'm facing

> it my eating disorder. I consider myself to have EDNOS (eating disorder not

> therwise specified), because I am in recovery for binge eating and for

> estricting (nasty cycle to be in), as well as overexercising.

> In the past I've had success with intuitive eating. I moved home and started

> orking on it about a month ago. I haven't restricted what I eat, only

> estricted myself to eat when hungry and stop when full. For about a month and

a

> alf, I was not binging or restricting. I had a few days with some compulsive

> ites but I recognized it and moved on.

> During the last couple weeks, in part due to working at a new job with a

really

> ad environment, I started binging again. It was terrifying because I was so

> ware of it and yet my awareness couldn't help me this time. It was scary. It

> appened about four days in the last week. And it didn't necessarily feel like

> motional eating, more like I wanted to fail with my recovery. I didn't feel

> ike trying, didn't think it was worth it. It was strange.

> Now I'm afraid of spinning out of control again. I'm afraid of all letting

food

> onquer me again, because it's definitely felt like that for the last week.

> uring times like this I feel really helpless, because my eating disorder seems

> o strong and powerful that my best efforts never seem to work. In fact

> ometimes I don't even try because I'm afraid if I do and fail, then I'll just

> ose faith in the process of recovery.

> I'm really scared. I know how to eat intuitively. That doesn't seem like the

> roblem. I think it's a lot of negative beliefs that are trying to stop me, and

> feel so weak and powerless :-(

> If anyone can relate or have some advice about similar experiences, I would

> eally appreciate it.

> Thank you for reading

> ish

>

> ------------------------------------

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Sunny,

I see a therapist, who helps me a lot. She's actually worked a lot with clients

who do intuitive eating. You have a good point though, it's time to look into

why I sabotage myself and change those beliefs, let myself feel worthy and

deserving of recovery. Thank you :-)

Rish

>

>

> Rish have you been to counseling? I'm actually starting it myself next week.

I'm thinking it will help me to figure out why I sabotage myself sometimes. At

this time I'm doing well with IE and learning how to stop when not hungry and

eat when hungry. Lately I've had a bit of an issue with eating before I'm

really hungry mostly becasue I'm again being pulled towards food. Not sure why

but hoping counseling will give me some insights into why I seem to need to stay

fat. Your note sounds like you have a lot of pain inside from your relationship

with food...maybe it can help?

>

> Sunny

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Here goes

>

>

> Hi everyone, I'm writing to share about a serious personal struggle I'm facing

> it my eating disorder. I consider myself to have EDNOS (eating disorder not

> therwise specified), because I am in recovery for binge eating and for

> estricting (nasty cycle to be in), as well as overexercising.

> In the past I've had success with intuitive eating. I moved home and started

> orking on it about a month ago. I haven't restricted what I eat, only

> estricted myself to eat when hungry and stop when full. For about a month and

a

> alf, I was not binging or restricting. I had a few days with some compulsive

> ites but I recognized it and moved on.

> During the last couple weeks, in part due to working at a new job with a

really

> ad environment, I started binging again. It was terrifying because I was so

> ware of it and yet my awareness couldn't help me this time. It was scary. It

> appened about four days in the last week. And it didn't necessarily feel like

> motional eating, more like I wanted to fail with my recovery. I didn't feel

> ike trying, didn't think it was worth it. It was strange.

> Now I'm afraid of spinning out of control again. I'm afraid of all letting

food

> onquer me again, because it's definitely felt like that for the last week.

> uring times like this I feel really helpless, because my eating disorder seems

> o strong and powerful that my best efforts never seem to work. In fact

> ometimes I don't even try because I'm afraid if I do and fail, then I'll just

> ose faith in the process of recovery.

> I'm really scared. I know how to eat intuitively. That doesn't seem like the

> roblem. I think it's a lot of negative beliefs that are trying to stop me, and

> feel so weak and powerless :-(

> If anyone can relate or have some advice about similar experiences, I would

> eally appreciate it.

> Thank you for reading

> ish

>

> ------------------------------------

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Sunny,

I see a therapist, who helps me a lot. She's actually worked a lot with clients

who do intuitive eating. You have a good point though, it's time to look into

why I sabotage myself and change those beliefs, let myself feel worthy and

deserving of recovery. Thank you :-)

Rish

>

>

> Rish have you been to counseling? I'm actually starting it myself next week.

I'm thinking it will help me to figure out why I sabotage myself sometimes. At

this time I'm doing well with IE and learning how to stop when not hungry and

eat when hungry. Lately I've had a bit of an issue with eating before I'm

really hungry mostly becasue I'm again being pulled towards food. Not sure why

but hoping counseling will give me some insights into why I seem to need to stay

fat. Your note sounds like you have a lot of pain inside from your relationship

with food...maybe it can help?

>

> Sunny

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Here goes

>

>

> Hi everyone, I'm writing to share about a serious personal struggle I'm facing

> it my eating disorder. I consider myself to have EDNOS (eating disorder not

> therwise specified), because I am in recovery for binge eating and for

> estricting (nasty cycle to be in), as well as overexercising.

> In the past I've had success with intuitive eating. I moved home and started

> orking on it about a month ago. I haven't restricted what I eat, only

> estricted myself to eat when hungry and stop when full. For about a month and

a

> alf, I was not binging or restricting. I had a few days with some compulsive

> ites but I recognized it and moved on.

> During the last couple weeks, in part due to working at a new job with a

really

> ad environment, I started binging again. It was terrifying because I was so

> ware of it and yet my awareness couldn't help me this time. It was scary. It

> appened about four days in the last week. And it didn't necessarily feel like

> motional eating, more like I wanted to fail with my recovery. I didn't feel

> ike trying, didn't think it was worth it. It was strange.

> Now I'm afraid of spinning out of control again. I'm afraid of all letting

food

> onquer me again, because it's definitely felt like that for the last week.

> uring times like this I feel really helpless, because my eating disorder seems

> o strong and powerful that my best efforts never seem to work. In fact

> ometimes I don't even try because I'm afraid if I do and fail, then I'll just

> ose faith in the process of recovery.

> I'm really scared. I know how to eat intuitively. That doesn't seem like the

> roblem. I think it's a lot of negative beliefs that are trying to stop me, and

> feel so weak and powerless :-(

> If anyone can relate or have some advice about similar experiences, I would

> eally appreciate it.

> Thank you for reading

> ish

>

> ------------------------------------

>

[Guest guest]

Agree with Sunny, you should speak with a counselor. I've been seeing one whose

specialty is eating disorders. She works both with people with severe disorders

and people at the less extreme end of the spectrum. She uses intuitive eating

for everyone. The one thing I've learned in the year I've been working with her

is that for me, it's not about the food, at all. It's about how I'm feeling and

what's going on in my head. When I address those things, amazingly, my eating

is suddenly better, too. (funny how that happens!) If, as I believe I saw in

your other post, you already have a counselor, then call her and let her know

what's going on. She should be able to either give you some tips to cope until

your next appointment or get you in for a session ASAP. If I misread the post

and you don't have a therapist, then seek one out. Amazingly, I found mine

online. Just googled therapist, intuitive eating, and my city, and up popped

her name! If can't find one that works with IE, I'd recommend someone that

specializes in either eating disorders or body image issues.

Don't suffer if you don't need to!

Josie

>

>

> Rish have you been to counseling? I'm actually starting it myself next week.

I'm thinking it will help me to figure out why I sabotage myself sometimes. At

this time I'm doing well with IE and learning how to stop when not hungry and

eat when hungry. Lately I've had a bit of an issue with eating before I'm

really hungry mostly becasue I'm again being pulled towards food. Not sure why

but hoping counseling will give me some insights into why I seem to need to stay

fat. Your note sounds like you have a lot of pain inside from your relationship

with food...maybe it can help?

>

> Sunny

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Here goes

>

>

> Hi everyone, I'm writing to share about a serious personal struggle I'm facing

> it my eating disorder. I consider myself to have EDNOS (eating disorder not

> therwise specified), because I am in recovery for binge eating and for

> estricting (nasty cycle to be in), as well as overexercising.

> In the past I've had success with intuitive eating. I moved home and started

> orking on it about a month ago. I haven't restricted what I eat, only

> estricted myself to eat when hungry and stop when full. For about a month and

a

> alf, I was not binging or restricting. I had a few days with some compulsive

> ites but I recognized it and moved on.

> During the last couple weeks, in part due to working at a new job with a

really

> ad environment, I started binging again. It was terrifying because I was so

> ware of it and yet my awareness couldn't help me this time. It was scary. It

> appened about four days in the last week. And it didn't necessarily feel like

> motional eating, more like I wanted to fail with my recovery. I didn't feel

> ike trying, didn't think it was worth it. It was strange.

> Now I'm afraid of spinning out of control again. I'm afraid of all letting

food

> onquer me again, because it's definitely felt like that for the last week.

> uring times like this I feel really helpless, because my eating disorder seems

> o strong and powerful that my best efforts never seem to work. In fact

> ometimes I don't even try because I'm afraid if I do and fail, then I'll just

> ose faith in the process of recovery.

> I'm really scared. I know how to eat intuitively. That doesn't seem like the

> roblem. I think it's a lot of negative beliefs that are trying to stop me, and

> feel so weak and powerless :-(

> If anyone can relate or have some advice about similar experiences, I would

> eally appreciate it.

> Thank you for reading

> ish

>

> ------------------------------------

>

[Guest guest]

Agree with Sunny, you should speak with a counselor. I've been seeing one whose

specialty is eating disorders. She works both with people with severe disorders

and people at the less extreme end of the spectrum. She uses intuitive eating

for everyone. The one thing I've learned in the year I've been working with her

is that for me, it's not about the food, at all. It's about how I'm feeling and

what's going on in my head. When I address those things, amazingly, my eating

is suddenly better, too. (funny how that happens!) If, as I believe I saw in

your other post, you already have a counselor, then call her and let her know

what's going on. She should be able to either give you some tips to cope until

your next appointment or get you in for a session ASAP. If I misread the post

and you don't have a therapist, then seek one out. Amazingly, I found mine

online. Just googled therapist, intuitive eating, and my city, and up popped

her name! If can't find one that works with IE, I'd recommend someone that

specializes in either eating disorders or body image issues.

Don't suffer if you don't need to!

Josie

>

>

> Rish have you been to counseling? I'm actually starting it myself next week.

I'm thinking it will help me to figure out why I sabotage myself sometimes. At

this time I'm doing well with IE and learning how to stop when not hungry and

eat when hungry. Lately I've had a bit of an issue with eating before I'm

really hungry mostly becasue I'm again being pulled towards food. Not sure why

but hoping counseling will give me some insights into why I seem to need to stay

fat. Your note sounds like you have a lot of pain inside from your relationship

with food...maybe it can help?

>

> Sunny

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Here goes

>

>

> Hi everyone, I'm writing to share about a serious personal struggle I'm facing

> it my eating disorder. I consider myself to have EDNOS (eating disorder not

> therwise specified), because I am in recovery for binge eating and for

> estricting (nasty cycle to be in), as well as overexercising.

> In the past I've had success with intuitive eating. I moved home and started

> orking on it about a month ago. I haven't restricted what I eat, only

> estricted myself to eat when hungry and stop when full. For about a month and

a

> alf, I was not binging or restricting. I had a few days with some compulsive

> ites but I recognized it and moved on.

> During the last couple weeks, in part due to working at a new job with a

really

> ad environment, I started binging again. It was terrifying because I was so

> ware of it and yet my awareness couldn't help me this time. It was scary. It

> appened about four days in the last week. And it didn't necessarily feel like

> motional eating, more like I wanted to fail with my recovery. I didn't feel

> ike trying, didn't think it was worth it. It was strange.

> Now I'm afraid of spinning out of control again. I'm afraid of all letting

food

> onquer me again, because it's definitely felt like that for the last week.

> uring times like this I feel really helpless, because my eating disorder seems

> o strong and powerful that my best efforts never seem to work. In fact

> ometimes I don't even try because I'm afraid if I do and fail, then I'll just

> ose faith in the process of recovery.

> I'm really scared. I know how to eat intuitively. That doesn't seem like the

> roblem. I think it's a lot of negative beliefs that are trying to stop me, and

> feel so weak and powerless :-(

> If anyone can relate or have some advice about similar experiences, I would

> eally appreciate it.

> Thank you for reading

> ish

>

> ------------------------------------

>

[Guest guest]

Agree with Sunny, you should speak with a counselor. I've been seeing one whose

specialty is eating disorders. She works both with people with severe disorders

and people at the less extreme end of the spectrum. She uses intuitive eating

for everyone. The one thing I've learned in the year I've been working with her

is that for me, it's not about the food, at all. It's about how I'm feeling and

what's going on in my head. When I address those things, amazingly, my eating

is suddenly better, too. (funny how that happens!) If, as I believe I saw in

your other post, you already have a counselor, then call her and let her know

what's going on. She should be able to either give you some tips to cope until

your next appointment or get you in for a session ASAP. If I misread the post

and you don't have a therapist, then seek one out. Amazingly, I found mine

online. Just googled therapist, intuitive eating, and my city, and up popped

her name! If can't find one that works with IE, I'd recommend someone that

specializes in either eating disorders or body image issues.

Don't suffer if you don't need to!

Josie

>

>

> Rish have you been to counseling? I'm actually starting it myself next week.

I'm thinking it will help me to figure out why I sabotage myself sometimes. At

this time I'm doing well with IE and learning how to stop when not hungry and

eat when hungry. Lately I've had a bit of an issue with eating before I'm

really hungry mostly becasue I'm again being pulled towards food. Not sure why

but hoping counseling will give me some insights into why I seem to need to stay

fat. Your note sounds like you have a lot of pain inside from your relationship

with food...maybe it can help?

>

> Sunny

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Here goes

>

>

> Hi everyone, I'm writing to share about a serious personal struggle I'm facing

> it my eating disorder. I consider myself to have EDNOS (eating disorder not

> therwise specified), because I am in recovery for binge eating and for

> estricting (nasty cycle to be in), as well as overexercising.

> In the past I've had success with intuitive eating. I moved home and started

> orking on it about a month ago. I haven't restricted what I eat, only

> estricted myself to eat when hungry and stop when full. For about a month and

a

> alf, I was not binging or restricting. I had a few days with some compulsive

> ites but I recognized it and moved on.

> During the last couple weeks, in part due to working at a new job with a

really

> ad environment, I started binging again. It was terrifying because I was so

> ware of it and yet my awareness couldn't help me this time. It was scary. It

> appened about four days in the last week. And it didn't necessarily feel like

> motional eating, more like I wanted to fail with my recovery. I didn't feel

> ike trying, didn't think it was worth it. It was strange.

> Now I'm afraid of spinning out of control again. I'm afraid of all letting

food

> onquer me again, because it's definitely felt like that for the last week.

> uring times like this I feel really helpless, because my eating disorder seems

> o strong and powerful that my best efforts never seem to work. In fact

> ometimes I don't even try because I'm afraid if I do and fail, then I'll just

> ose faith in the process of recovery.

> I'm really scared. I know how to eat intuitively. That doesn't seem like the

> roblem. I think it's a lot of negative beliefs that are trying to stop me, and

> feel so weak and powerless :-(

> If anyone can relate or have some advice about similar experiences, I would

> eally appreciate it.

> Thank you for reading

> ish

>

> ------------------------------------

>

[Guest guest]

Rish,

When I was in my 20s, I binged a lot. I would walk in the door stressed-out and

for the next hour or so, until my stomach was in pain, I'd stuff mass quantities

of food in, usually standing in front of the frig and not even tasting it. Now

I look back and see a lot of self-hatred involved, and also the same kind of

distraction which people who cut themselves use. If I was in pain or so stuffed

I was nauseous, I didn't have to think about whatever was upsetting me. In

fact, afterwards, about all I could do was to fall into bed.

You said your binging doesn't feel like emotional eating, but self-sabotage. In

my experience, I acted out self-hatred instead of self-care. And it was over

stressful issues in my daily life. You mentioned a stressful new job.

At that time, I was a member of Overeaters Anonymous for a couple of years. It

didn't fix my food problem, and I now look at that whole approach to overeating

as misguided, but what it did do was teach me how not to binge. And for me, it

was a very simple and basic self-care step: I learned to call someone and talk

about what I was upset about. I do not recall ever binging after calling

another OA member and talking out what was on my mind. They were often even

more screwed-up than I was, and their advice wasn't necessarily all that great,

but the very act of talking it out and hearing that other people have problems

too and just that connection with another person took the urge to binge away.

Sometimes I didn't even know what I was upset about, but if I was willing to

call someone and tell them what my feelings were, soon it would become clear.

And you know what? Once I knew what was bothering me, I could figure out if

there was a small step I could take to change what I could in the situation,

which was an amazing relief. The hopeless hapless helpless thing which is all

part of depression often comes out in anger against ourselves. For me, it was

binging.

Given that I haven't been in OA in almost 20 years and yet haven't binged that

way either, I can attest that the part about calling other OA members was not

the important part. Any safe confidante will do. Neither is the phone a

critical part, as nowadays I often just walk up to my husband and spill it to

him, then ask him to hold me. If I'm alone and it's too late at night to call

anyone, writing in my journal sometimes works almost as well. If I'm too

agitated to write, sometimes a fast walk will calm me enough so I can write it

out and process what's going on. But the best thing is talking to a friend.

There is no need to bring food into the conversation at all, since IT IS NOT

ABOUT FOOD, although I will often start out by saying something like, " I just

needed to hear a friendly voice, because I am so upset about -----, that I feel

like eating everything in the kitchen! " After all, everyone I feel safe enough

to tell what is upsetting me knows me well enough to know I have a problem with

food.

A counselor can be very helpful, but they are usually not available when you are

having an urge to binge. Friends often are, and by opening up about your own

life, they are encouraged to share as well, which reduces your isolation and

reminds you that you are not alone and that you are loved.

So the next time you find yourself heading for the kitchen with that awful

urgency, would you consider picking up the phone first? And if the first friend

doesn't answer, call one after another until you reach someone. Leave messages.

Sometimes we just need to feel loved, and only a human connection will do. Food

will never give that to us. The only problem food fixes is hunger. And there

is nothing so bad that binging won't make it worse.

There is hope. I was able to stop binging and you can too. But I did NOT do it

by focusing on the food, but on what I REALLY needed when all I could think to

do was eat. Even now, when that dreadful moment hits, I know I MUST talk to

someone right away. And it works.

Jane

>

> During the last couple weeks, in part due to working at a new job with a

really bad environment, I started binging again. It was terrifying because I was

so aware of it and yet my awareness couldn't help me this time. It was scary. It

happened about four days in the last week. And it didn't necessarily feel like

emotional eating, more like I wanted to fail with my recovery. I didn't feel

like trying, didn't think it was worth it. It was strange.

>

> Now I'm afraid of spinning out of control again.

[Guest guest]

Rish,

When I was in my 20s, I binged a lot. I would walk in the door stressed-out and

for the next hour or so, until my stomach was in pain, I'd stuff mass quantities

of food in, usually standing in front of the frig and not even tasting it. Now

I look back and see a lot of self-hatred involved, and also the same kind of

distraction which people who cut themselves use. If I was in pain or so stuffed

I was nauseous, I didn't have to think about whatever was upsetting me. In

fact, afterwards, about all I could do was to fall into bed.

You said your binging doesn't feel like emotional eating, but self-sabotage. In

my experience, I acted out self-hatred instead of self-care. And it was over

stressful issues in my daily life. You mentioned a stressful new job.

At that time, I was a member of Overeaters Anonymous for a couple of years. It

didn't fix my food problem, and I now look at that whole approach to overeating

as misguided, but what it did do was teach me how not to binge. And for me, it

was a very simple and basic self-care step: I learned to call someone and talk

about what I was upset about. I do not recall ever binging after calling

another OA member and talking out what was on my mind. They were often even

more screwed-up than I was, and their advice wasn't necessarily all that great,

but the very act of talking it out and hearing that other people have problems

too and just that connection with another person took the urge to binge away.

Sometimes I didn't even know what I was upset about, but if I was willing to

call someone and tell them what my feelings were, soon it would become clear.

And you know what? Once I knew what was bothering me, I could figure out if

there was a small step I could take to change what I could in the situation,

which was an amazing relief. The hopeless hapless helpless thing which is all

part of depression often comes out in anger against ourselves. For me, it was

binging.

Given that I haven't been in OA in almost 20 years and yet haven't binged that

way either, I can attest that the part about calling other OA members was not

the important part. Any safe confidante will do. Neither is the phone a

critical part, as nowadays I often just walk up to my husband and spill it to

him, then ask him to hold me. If I'm alone and it's too late at night to call

anyone, writing in my journal sometimes works almost as well. If I'm too

agitated to write, sometimes a fast walk will calm me enough so I can write it

out and process what's going on. But the best thing is talking to a friend.

There is no need to bring food into the conversation at all, since IT IS NOT

ABOUT FOOD, although I will often start out by saying something like, " I just

needed to hear a friendly voice, because I am so upset about -----, that I feel

like eating everything in the kitchen! " After all, everyone I feel safe enough

to tell what is upsetting me knows me well enough to know I have a problem with

food.

A counselor can be very helpful, but they are usually not available when you are

having an urge to binge. Friends often are, and by opening up about your own

life, they are encouraged to share as well, which reduces your isolation and

reminds you that you are not alone and that you are loved.

So the next time you find yourself heading for the kitchen with that awful

urgency, would you consider picking up the phone first? And if the first friend

doesn't answer, call one after another until you reach someone. Leave messages.

Sometimes we just need to feel loved, and only a human connection will do. Food

will never give that to us. The only problem food fixes is hunger. And there

is nothing so bad that binging won't make it worse.

There is hope. I was able to stop binging and you can too. But I did NOT do it

by focusing on the food, but on what I REALLY needed when all I could think to

do was eat. Even now, when that dreadful moment hits, I know I MUST talk to

someone right away. And it works.

Jane

>

> During the last couple weeks, in part due to working at a new job with a

really bad environment, I started binging again. It was terrifying because I was

so aware of it and yet my awareness couldn't help me this time. It was scary. It

happened about four days in the last week. And it didn't necessarily feel like

emotional eating, more like I wanted to fail with my recovery. I didn't feel

like trying, didn't think it was worth it. It was strange.

>

> Now I'm afraid of spinning out of control again.

[Guest guest]

Rish,

When I was in my 20s, I binged a lot. I would walk in the door stressed-out and

for the next hour or so, until my stomach was in pain, I'd stuff mass quantities

of food in, usually standing in front of the frig and not even tasting it. Now

I look back and see a lot of self-hatred involved, and also the same kind of

distraction which people who cut themselves use. If I was in pain or so stuffed

I was nauseous, I didn't have to think about whatever was upsetting me. In

fact, afterwards, about all I could do was to fall into bed.

You said your binging doesn't feel like emotional eating, but self-sabotage. In

my experience, I acted out self-hatred instead of self-care. And it was over

stressful issues in my daily life. You mentioned a stressful new job.

At that time, I was a member of Overeaters Anonymous for a couple of years. It

didn't fix my food problem, and I now look at that whole approach to overeating

as misguided, but what it did do was teach me how not to binge. And for me, it

was a very simple and basic self-care step: I learned to call someone and talk

about what I was upset about. I do not recall ever binging after calling

another OA member and talking out what was on my mind. They were often even

more screwed-up than I was, and their advice wasn't necessarily all that great,

but the very act of talking it out and hearing that other people have problems

too and just that connection with another person took the urge to binge away.

Sometimes I didn't even know what I was upset about, but if I was willing to

call someone and tell them what my feelings were, soon it would become clear.

And you know what? Once I knew what was bothering me, I could figure out if

there was a small step I could take to change what I could in the situation,

which was an amazing relief. The hopeless hapless helpless thing which is all

part of depression often comes out in anger against ourselves. For me, it was

binging.

Given that I haven't been in OA in almost 20 years and yet haven't binged that

way either, I can attest that the part about calling other OA members was not

the important part. Any safe confidante will do. Neither is the phone a

critical part, as nowadays I often just walk up to my husband and spill it to

him, then ask him to hold me. If I'm alone and it's too late at night to call

anyone, writing in my journal sometimes works almost as well. If I'm too

agitated to write, sometimes a fast walk will calm me enough so I can write it

out and process what's going on. But the best thing is talking to a friend.

There is no need to bring food into the conversation at all, since IT IS NOT

ABOUT FOOD, although I will often start out by saying something like, " I just

needed to hear a friendly voice, because I am so upset about -----, that I feel

like eating everything in the kitchen! " After all, everyone I feel safe enough

to tell what is upsetting me knows me well enough to know I have a problem with

food.

A counselor can be very helpful, but they are usually not available when you are

having an urge to binge. Friends often are, and by opening up about your own

life, they are encouraged to share as well, which reduces your isolation and

reminds you that you are not alone and that you are loved.

So the next time you find yourself heading for the kitchen with that awful

urgency, would you consider picking up the phone first? And if the first friend

doesn't answer, call one after another until you reach someone. Leave messages.

Sometimes we just need to feel loved, and only a human connection will do. Food

will never give that to us. The only problem food fixes is hunger. And there

is nothing so bad that binging won't make it worse.

There is hope. I was able to stop binging and you can too. But I did NOT do it

by focusing on the food, but on what I REALLY needed when all I could think to

do was eat. Even now, when that dreadful moment hits, I know I MUST talk to

someone right away. And it works.

Jane

>

> During the last couple weeks, in part due to working at a new job with a

really bad environment, I started binging again. It was terrifying because I was

so aware of it and yet my awareness couldn't help me this time. It was scary. It

happened about four days in the last week. And it didn't necessarily feel like

emotional eating, more like I wanted to fail with my recovery. I didn't feel

like trying, didn't think it was worth it. It was strange.

>

> Now I'm afraid of spinning out of control again.

[Guest guest]

It sounds to me like you've already got a good idea of what's going on, and I think that's key. You're aware that the stress of a new job and a bad environment at said job are causing you to binge in reaction. Your current coping mechanisms were overwhelmed by the stress, and so you turned back to food as a coping mechanism.Give yourself the kudos you deserve for being aware. It is so easy to fall back into old habits when times get tough and not see or understand why...don't underestimate your self awareness!I would ask:Do you have other relaxation methods to cope with the stress?Is there anything you can do to make yourself feel less powerless at work? Or if you can't, can you "forgive" yourself for not being able

to? I know I personally get worked up sometimes about things that are out of my control, and I have to learn to let go and not stress so much about situations of other people's makings.And yes, call your therapist...and please keep us posted!Best of luck,Sara

[Guest guest]

It sounds to me like you've already got a good idea of what's going on, and I think that's key. You're aware that the stress of a new job and a bad environment at said job are causing you to binge in reaction. Your current coping mechanisms were overwhelmed by the stress, and so you turned back to food as a coping mechanism.Give yourself the kudos you deserve for being aware. It is so easy to fall back into old habits when times get tough and not see or understand why...don't underestimate your self awareness!I would ask:Do you have other relaxation methods to cope with the stress?Is there anything you can do to make yourself feel less powerless at work? Or if you can't, can you "forgive" yourself for not being able

to? I know I personally get worked up sometimes about things that are out of my control, and I have to learn to let go and not stress so much about situations of other people's makings.And yes, call your therapist...and please keep us posted!Best of luck,Sara

[Guest guest]

It sounds to me like you've already got a good idea of what's going on, and I think that's key. You're aware that the stress of a new job and a bad environment at said job are causing you to binge in reaction. Your current coping mechanisms were overwhelmed by the stress, and so you turned back to food as a coping mechanism.Give yourself the kudos you deserve for being aware. It is so easy to fall back into old habits when times get tough and not see or understand why...don't underestimate your self awareness!I would ask:Do you have other relaxation methods to cope with the stress?Is there anything you can do to make yourself feel less powerless at work? Or if you can't, can you "forgive" yourself for not being able

to? I know I personally get worked up sometimes about things that are out of my control, and I have to learn to let go and not stress so much about situations of other people's makings.And yes, call your therapist...and please keep us posted!Best of luck,Sara

[Guest guest]

Hi Rish,

I identified a lot with your post. I also consider myself to be in recovery

from a binging, restricting/over exercising eating disorder. I have not been to

counseling for it, so I applaud you first of all for taking such good care of

yourself by getting help and guidance in the recovery process.

Also, like you I have been having some binges lately. I have had no major life

changes and nothing that should, as far as I can tell, cause the desire to

binge. I have been practicing IE for 10 months or so, and this recent return to

binging had me really worried.

Here are a couple of things I realized in the past week or so that have helped

comfort me. First, I believe it is Geneen Roth who says that there is no such

thing as failure in this process. Every binge or overeating episode teaches us

something about ourselves. I have been trying to look at my recent episodes

with gentle curiosity, and I really am learning some of the reasons and false

beliefs that have led me to fall back into old habits. It is so comforting (to

me) to know that overeating at times is part of the learning process for IE, and

that we won't learn about our motivations until we have these " slip-ups " to

examine the uncovered thoughts and fears that have always been behind our

disordered eating.

Second, I felt like my IE practice started to unravel recently, and I couldn't

figure out why until I read the Overfed Head ebook that made the rounds here.

In that book, the author talks about the fact that people who overeat don't do

so because they enjoy food more than normal eaters; they overeat because they

enjoy their food LESS and it takes more to satisfy them.

I realized when I read that I had gotten lazy about really eating what I want

and savoring every bite. I got back into a habit of eating what is convenient,

affordable and what I can get my kids to eat. I hadn't eaten anything that

really blew my socks off in a couple of weeks, and yet I was downing large

quantities of previously forbidden foods. I realized I was enjoying every bite

less than I should, and that was making me feel deprived. And when I feel

deprived, like clockwork I find myself standing in front of the fridge shoving

food in my mouth.

The last thing I noticed is that I had let negative thoughts creep back in to my

head. Instead of stopping negative body talk in its track, I had gotten lazy

about letting myself entertain critical thoughts about my body. At first, it

was more like an observation: " hmmm, it looks like I might have gained weight. "

And within a week, it was a torrent of terrible self-loathing thoughts about my

body.

All in all, what I noticed when the binging returned was that it was a really

good indicator for me that I was trying to do IE on automatic pilot, and I am

just not there yet. Hopefully one day this way of thinking will be second

nature to me, but for now, I have to put in some effort every day to keep up a

healthy IE mentality. I don't know if any of this is true for you, but that's

what I have discovered in the past couple of weeks about my own journey. Keep

working on it, and you will get your IE groove back, so to speak!

>

> Hi everyone, I'm writing to share about a serious personal struggle I'm facing

wit my eating disorder. I consider myself to have EDNOS (eating disorder not

otherwise specified), because I am in recovery for binge eating and for

restricting (nasty cycle to be in), as well as overexercising.

>

> In the past I've had success with intuitive eating. I moved home and started

working on it about a month ago. I haven't restricted what I eat, only

restricted myself to eat when hungry and stop when full. For about a month and a

half, I was not binging or restricting. I had a few days with some compulsive

bites but I recognized it and moved on.

>

> During the last couple weeks, in part due to working at a new job with a

really bad environment, I started binging again. It was terrifying because I was

so aware of it and yet my awareness couldn't help me this time. It was scary. It

happened about four days in the last week. And it didn't necessarily feel like

emotional eating, more like I wanted to fail with my recovery. I didn't feel

like trying, didn't think it was worth it. It was strange.

>

> Now I'm afraid of spinning out of control again. I'm afraid of all letting

food conquer me again, because it's definitely felt like that for the last week.

During times like this I feel really helpless, because my eating disorder seems

so strong and powerful that my best efforts never seem to work. In fact

sometimes I don't even try because I'm afraid if I do and fail, then I'll just

lose faith in the process of recovery.

>

> I'm really scared. I know how to eat intuitively. That doesn't seem like the

problem. I think it's a lot of negative beliefs that are trying to stop me, and

I feel so weak and powerless :-(

>

> If anyone can relate or have some advice about similar experiences, I would

really appreciate it.

>

> Thank you for reading

> Rish

>

[Guest guest]

Rish, Thanks for sparking this excellent conversation. It certainly touches on a

lot of common concern for many of us here. Other members have already provided

wonderful feedback and input. I'd like to add a little different reaction that I

had when I read your post.

First I hope you can give your inner rebel a big hug and pat on the back! I know

I too quickly default to blame and excuse (of myself) when it comes to times

like your are experiencing. That has to be one of the most subtle and insidious

forms of diet mentality that haunts us long after we actively give up dieting -

any and all FAULTS lying within us! That is what I feel your inner rebel may be

desperately trying to get your attention by inducing binging.

Another (sadly) common difficulty in learning IE is leaping the gap between

'rules' and 'no rules'. One of the most usual hurdles that can block and trip us

is applying the SUGGESTIONS as a 'rule' to DO. Eating ONLY when hungry is a

useful tool in helping one to reacquaint and re-embrace one's own INternal

hunger signals. Used in a 'pure' form, weight loss can and often does happen -

even quickly! But the back lash of this seems to be that as soon as one doesn't

ONLY eat when hungry, this 'magic' starts to slip. Sound familiar?

I feel that the IE principles are good guidelines - suggestions really. They are

there not only to help re-orient us back towards what we all initially possessed

(and still have even if deep down and dormant), but also to maybe provide a

'comfort' for starting this process by offering a 'known' - look-a-like 'rules'

but in a NON rule context.

I am not saying that this only happens with that one suggestion. Eating what you

want also gets murky and easily abused. After all, many of us got to be masters

of twisting the 'rules' when dieting so having that continue to be a part of our

actions when we dump dieting is not unreasonable either.

Bottom line - you are doing just fine. In fact I'd say you are doing quite well

in that you not only have awareness, you are actively seeking a positive

alternative with hopes of decreasing if not eliminating what has been plaguing

you longer than any of us ought to have tolerated.

Good IEing!! And do keep us posted on how this progresses for you. Its inspiring

really.

ehugs, Katcha

IEing since March 2007

>

> Hi everyone, I'm writing to share about a serious personal struggle I'm facing

wit my eating disorder. I consider myself to have EDNOS (eating disorder not

otherwise specified), because I am in recovery for binge eating and for

restricting (nasty cycle to be in), as well as overexercising.

>

> In the past I've had success with intuitive eating. I moved home and started

working on it about a month ago. I haven't restricted what I eat, only

restricted myself to eat when hungry and stop when full. For about a month and a

half, I was not binging or restricting. I had a few days with some compulsive

bites but I recognized it and moved on.

>

> During the last couple weeks, in part due to working at a new job with a

really bad environment, I started binging again. It was terrifying because I was

so aware of it and yet my awareness couldn't help me this time. It was scary. It

happened about four days in the last week. And it didn't necessarily feel like

emotional eating, more like I wanted to fail with my recovery. I didn't feel

like trying, didn't think it was worth it. It was strange.

>

> Now I'm afraid of spinning out of control again. I'm afraid of all letting

food conquer me again, because it's definitely felt like that for the last week.

During times like this I feel really helpless, because my eating disorder seems

so strong and powerful that my best efforts never seem to work. In fact

sometimes I don't even try because I'm afraid if I do and fail, then I'll just

lose faith in the process of recovery.

>

> I'm really scared. I know how to eat intuitively. That doesn't seem like the

problem. I think it's a lot of negative beliefs that are trying to stop me, and

I feel so weak and powerless :-(

>

> If anyone can relate or have some advice about similar experiences, I would

really appreciate it.

>

> Thank you for reading

> Rish

>

[Guest guest]

Rish, Thanks for sparking this excellent conversation. It certainly touches on a

lot of common concern for many of us here. Other members have already provided

wonderful feedback and input. I'd like to add a little different reaction that I

had when I read your post.

First I hope you can give your inner rebel a big hug and pat on the back! I know

I too quickly default to blame and excuse (of myself) when it comes to times

like your are experiencing. That has to be one of the most subtle and insidious

forms of diet mentality that haunts us long after we actively give up dieting -

any and all FAULTS lying within us! That is what I feel your inner rebel may be

desperately trying to get your attention by inducing binging.

Another (sadly) common difficulty in learning IE is leaping the gap between

'rules' and 'no rules'. One of the most usual hurdles that can block and trip us

is applying the SUGGESTIONS as a 'rule' to DO. Eating ONLY when hungry is a

useful tool in helping one to reacquaint and re-embrace one's own INternal

hunger signals. Used in a 'pure' form, weight loss can and often does happen -

even quickly! But the back lash of this seems to be that as soon as one doesn't

ONLY eat when hungry, this 'magic' starts to slip. Sound familiar?

I feel that the IE principles are good guidelines - suggestions really. They are

there not only to help re-orient us back towards what we all initially possessed

(and still have even if deep down and dormant), but also to maybe provide a

'comfort' for starting this process by offering a 'known' - look-a-like 'rules'

but in a NON rule context.

I am not saying that this only happens with that one suggestion. Eating what you

want also gets murky and easily abused. After all, many of us got to be masters

of twisting the 'rules' when dieting so having that continue to be a part of our

actions when we dump dieting is not unreasonable either.

Bottom line - you are doing just fine. In fact I'd say you are doing quite well

in that you not only have awareness, you are actively seeking a positive

alternative with hopes of decreasing if not eliminating what has been plaguing

you longer than any of us ought to have tolerated.

Good IEing!! And do keep us posted on how this progresses for you. Its inspiring

really.

ehugs, Katcha

IEing since March 2007

>

> Hi everyone, I'm writing to share about a serious personal struggle I'm facing

wit my eating disorder. I consider myself to have EDNOS (eating disorder not

otherwise specified), because I am in recovery for binge eating and for

restricting (nasty cycle to be in), as well as overexercising.

>

> In the past I've had success with intuitive eating. I moved home and started

working on it about a month ago. I haven't restricted what I eat, only

restricted myself to eat when hungry and stop when full. For about a month and a

half, I was not binging or restricting. I had a few days with some compulsive

bites but I recognized it and moved on.

>

> During the last couple weeks, in part due to working at a new job with a

really bad environment, I started binging again. It was terrifying because I was

so aware of it and yet my awareness couldn't help me this time. It was scary. It

happened about four days in the last week. And it didn't necessarily feel like

emotional eating, more like I wanted to fail with my recovery. I didn't feel

like trying, didn't think it was worth it. It was strange.

>

> Now I'm afraid of spinning out of control again. I'm afraid of all letting

food conquer me again, because it's definitely felt like that for the last week.

During times like this I feel really helpless, because my eating disorder seems

so strong and powerful that my best efforts never seem to work. In fact

sometimes I don't even try because I'm afraid if I do and fail, then I'll just

lose faith in the process of recovery.

>

> I'm really scared. I know how to eat intuitively. That doesn't seem like the

problem. I think it's a lot of negative beliefs that are trying to stop me, and

I feel so weak and powerless :-(

>

> If anyone can relate or have some advice about similar experiences, I would

really appreciate it.

>

> Thank you for reading

> Rish

>

[Guest guest]

Rish, Thanks for sparking this excellent conversation. It certainly touches on a

lot of common concern for many of us here. Other members have already provided

wonderful feedback and input. I'd like to add a little different reaction that I

had when I read your post.

First I hope you can give your inner rebel a big hug and pat on the back! I know

I too quickly default to blame and excuse (of myself) when it comes to times

like your are experiencing. That has to be one of the most subtle and insidious

forms of diet mentality that haunts us long after we actively give up dieting -

any and all FAULTS lying within us! That is what I feel your inner rebel may be

desperately trying to get your attention by inducing binging.

Another (sadly) common difficulty in learning IE is leaping the gap between

'rules' and 'no rules'. One of the most usual hurdles that can block and trip us

is applying the SUGGESTIONS as a 'rule' to DO. Eating ONLY when hungry is a

useful tool in helping one to reacquaint and re-embrace one's own INternal

hunger signals. Used in a 'pure' form, weight loss can and often does happen -

even quickly! But the back lash of this seems to be that as soon as one doesn't

ONLY eat when hungry, this 'magic' starts to slip. Sound familiar?

I feel that the IE principles are good guidelines - suggestions really. They are

there not only to help re-orient us back towards what we all initially possessed

(and still have even if deep down and dormant), but also to maybe provide a

'comfort' for starting this process by offering a 'known' - look-a-like 'rules'

but in a NON rule context.

I am not saying that this only happens with that one suggestion. Eating what you

want also gets murky and easily abused. After all, many of us got to be masters

of twisting the 'rules' when dieting so having that continue to be a part of our

actions when we dump dieting is not unreasonable either.

Bottom line - you are doing just fine. In fact I'd say you are doing quite well

in that you not only have awareness, you are actively seeking a positive

alternative with hopes of decreasing if not eliminating what has been plaguing

you longer than any of us ought to have tolerated.

Good IEing!! And do keep us posted on how this progresses for you. Its inspiring

really.

ehugs, Katcha

IEing since March 2007

>

> Hi everyone, I'm writing to share about a serious personal struggle I'm facing

wit my eating disorder. I consider myself to have EDNOS (eating disorder not

otherwise specified), because I am in recovery for binge eating and for

restricting (nasty cycle to be in), as well as overexercising.

>

> In the past I've had success with intuitive eating. I moved home and started

working on it about a month ago. I haven't restricted what I eat, only

restricted myself to eat when hungry and stop when full. For about a month and a

half, I was not binging or restricting. I had a few days with some compulsive

bites but I recognized it and moved on.

>

> During the last couple weeks, in part due to working at a new job with a

really bad environment, I started binging again. It was terrifying because I was

so aware of it and yet my awareness couldn't help me this time. It was scary. It

happened about four days in the last week. And it didn't necessarily feel like

emotional eating, more like I wanted to fail with my recovery. I didn't feel

like trying, didn't think it was worth it. It was strange.

>

> Now I'm afraid of spinning out of control again. I'm afraid of all letting

food conquer me again, because it's definitely felt like that for the last week.

During times like this I feel really helpless, because my eating disorder seems

so strong and powerful that my best efforts never seem to work. In fact

sometimes I don't even try because I'm afraid if I do and fail, then I'll just

lose faith in the process of recovery.

>

> I'm really scared. I know how to eat intuitively. That doesn't seem like the

problem. I think it's a lot of negative beliefs that are trying to stop me, and

I feel so weak and powerless :-(

>

> If anyone can relate or have some advice about similar experiences, I would

really appreciate it.

>

> Thank you for reading

> Rish

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you for sharing this; it helps me realize what a recovery process this is,

rather than " oh I've got it " and eating changes forever. I just went through a

spate of reactive eating and now it's abating.

In the midst, I did my best to observe my process, be kind to myself, and just

ride it outusing hope instead of faith that I'd be all right. It's early in IE

recovery for me and I know that learning to IE is like learning life all over

again. There will be challenges that I have no tools to face because I never

did before IE; so I will have to deal with them one step at a time.

For me part of the process of recovery centers around self talk and challenging

the hopeless messages. As long as you get back on the horse, you're still good

and even when you only remember there is a horse, you're good. There will be

times when we'll all forget there even is a horse, but it will come looking for

us anyway. Best wishes, Sandarah.

>

> Hi everyone, I'm writing to share about a serious personal struggle I'm facing

wit my eating disorder. I consider myself to have EDNOS (eating disorder not

otherwise specified), because I am in recovery for binge eating and for

restricting (nasty cycle to be in), as well as overexercising.

>

> In the past I've had success with intuitive eating. I moved home and started

working on it about a month ago. I haven't restricted what I eat, only

restricted myself to eat when hungry and stop when full. For about a month and a

half, I was not binging or restricting. I had a few days with some compulsive

bites but I recognized it and moved on.

>

> During the last couple weeks, in part due to working at a new job with a

really bad environment, I started binging again. It was terrifying because I was

so aware of it and yet my awareness couldn't help me this time. It was scary. It

happened about four days in the last week. And it didn't necessarily feel like

emotional eating, more like I wanted to fail with my recovery. I didn't feel

like trying, didn't think it was worth it. It was strange.

>

> Now I'm afraid of spinning out of control again. I'm afraid of all letting

food conquer me again, because it's definitely felt like that for the last week.

During times like this I feel really helpless, because my eating disorder seems

so strong and powerful that my best efforts never seem to work. In fact

sometimes I don't even try because I'm afraid if I do and fail, then I'll just

lose faith in the process of recovery.

>

> I'm really scared. I know how to eat intuitively. That doesn't seem like the

problem. I think it's a lot of negative beliefs that are trying to stop me, and

I feel so weak and powerless :-(

>

> If anyone can relate or have some advice about similar experiences, I would

really appreciate it.

>

> Thank you for reading

> Rish

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you for sharing this; it helps me realize what a recovery process this is,

rather than " oh I've got it " and eating changes forever. I just went through a

spate of reactive eating and now it's abating.

In the midst, I did my best to observe my process, be kind to myself, and just

ride it outusing hope instead of faith that I'd be all right. It's early in IE

recovery for me and I know that learning to IE is like learning life all over

again. There will be challenges that I have no tools to face because I never

did before IE; so I will have to deal with them one step at a time.

For me part of the process of recovery centers around self talk and challenging

the hopeless messages. As long as you get back on the horse, you're still good

and even when you only remember there is a horse, you're good. There will be

times when we'll all forget there even is a horse, but it will come looking for

us anyway. Best wishes, Sandarah.

>

> Hi everyone, I'm writing to share about a serious personal struggle I'm facing

wit my eating disorder. I consider myself to have EDNOS (eating disorder not

otherwise specified), because I am in recovery for binge eating and for

restricting (nasty cycle to be in), as well as overexercising.

>

> In the past I've had success with intuitive eating. I moved home and started

working on it about a month ago. I haven't restricted what I eat, only

restricted myself to eat when hungry and stop when full. For about a month and a

half, I was not binging or restricting. I had a few days with some compulsive

bites but I recognized it and moved on.

>

> During the last couple weeks, in part due to working at a new job with a

really bad environment, I started binging again. It was terrifying because I was

so aware of it and yet my awareness couldn't help me this time. It was scary. It

happened about four days in the last week. And it didn't necessarily feel like

emotional eating, more like I wanted to fail with my recovery. I didn't feel

like trying, didn't think it was worth it. It was strange.

>

> Now I'm afraid of spinning out of control again. I'm afraid of all letting

food conquer me again, because it's definitely felt like that for the last week.

During times like this I feel really helpless, because my eating disorder seems

so strong and powerful that my best efforts never seem to work. In fact

sometimes I don't even try because I'm afraid if I do and fail, then I'll just

lose faith in the process of recovery.

>

> I'm really scared. I know how to eat intuitively. That doesn't seem like the

problem. I think it's a lot of negative beliefs that are trying to stop me, and

I feel so weak and powerless :-(

>

> If anyone can relate or have some advice about similar experiences, I would

really appreciate it.

>

> Thank you for reading

> Rish

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you for sharing this; it helps me realize what a recovery process this is,

rather than " oh I've got it " and eating changes forever. I just went through a

spate of reactive eating and now it's abating.

In the midst, I did my best to observe my process, be kind to myself, and just

ride it outusing hope instead of faith that I'd be all right. It's early in IE

recovery for me and I know that learning to IE is like learning life all over

again. There will be challenges that I have no tools to face because I never

did before IE; so I will have to deal with them one step at a time.

For me part of the process of recovery centers around self talk and challenging

the hopeless messages. As long as you get back on the horse, you're still good

and even when you only remember there is a horse, you're good. There will be

times when we'll all forget there even is a horse, but it will come looking for

us anyway. Best wishes, Sandarah.

>

> Hi everyone, I'm writing to share about a serious personal struggle I'm facing

wit my eating disorder. I consider myself to have EDNOS (eating disorder not

otherwise specified), because I am in recovery for binge eating and for

restricting (nasty cycle to be in), as well as overexercising.

>

> In the past I've had success with intuitive eating. I moved home and started

working on it about a month ago. I haven't restricted what I eat, only

restricted myself to eat when hungry and stop when full. For about a month and a

half, I was not binging or restricting. I had a few days with some compulsive

bites but I recognized it and moved on.

>

> During the last couple weeks, in part due to working at a new job with a

really bad environment, I started binging again. It was terrifying because I was

so aware of it and yet my awareness couldn't help me this time. It was scary. It

happened about four days in the last week. And it didn't necessarily feel like

emotional eating, more like I wanted to fail with my recovery. I didn't feel

like trying, didn't think it was worth it. It was strange.

>

> Now I'm afraid of spinning out of control again. I'm afraid of all letting

food conquer me again, because it's definitely felt like that for the last week.

During times like this I feel really helpless, because my eating disorder seems

so strong and powerful that my best efforts never seem to work. In fact

sometimes I don't even try because I'm afraid if I do and fail, then I'll just

lose faith in the process of recovery.

>

> I'm really scared. I know how to eat intuitively. That doesn't seem like the

problem. I think it's a lot of negative beliefs that are trying to stop me, and

I feel so weak and powerless :-(

>

> If anyone can relate or have some advice about similar experiences, I would

really appreciate it.

>

> Thank you for reading

> Rish

>

[Guest guest]

>

>

> Rish have you been to counseling? I'm actually starting it myself next week.

I'm thinking it will help me to figure out why I sabotage myself sometimes. At

this time I'm doing well with IE and learning how to stop when not hungry and

eat when hungry. Lately I've had a bit of an issue with eating before I'm

really hungry mostly becasue I'm again being pulled towards food. Not sure why

but hoping counseling will give me some insights into why I seem to need to stay

fat. Your note sounds like you have a lot of pain inside from your relationship

with food...maybe it can help?

>

> Sunny

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Here goes

>

>

> Hi everyone, I'm writing to share about a serious personal struggle I'm facing

> it my eating disorder. I consider myself to have EDNOS (eating disorder not

> therwise specified), because I am in recovery for binge eating and for

> estricting (nasty cycle to be in), as well as overexercising.

> In the past I've had success with intuitive eating. I moved home and started

> orking on it about a month ago. I haven't restricted what I eat, only

> estricted myself to eat when hungry and stop when full. For about a month and

a

> alf, I was not binging or restricting. I had a few days with some compulsive

> ites but I recognized it and moved on.

> During the last couple weeks, in part due to working at a new job with a

really

> ad environment, I started binging again. It was terrifying because I was so

> ware of it and yet my awareness couldn't help me this time. It was scary. It

> appened about four days in the last week. And it didn't necessarily feel like

> motional eating, more like I wanted to fail with my recovery. I didn't feel

> ike trying, didn't think it was worth it. It was strange.

> Now I'm afraid of spinning out of control again. I'm afraid of all letting

food

> onquer me again, because it's definitely felt like that for the last week.

> uring times like this I feel really helpless, because my eating disorder seems

> o strong and powerful that my best efforts never seem to work. In fact

> ometimes I don't even try because I'm afraid if I do and fail, then I'll just

> ose faith in the process of recovery.

> I'm really scared. I know how to eat intuitively. That doesn't seem like the

> roblem. I think it's a lot of negative beliefs that are trying to stop me, and

> feel so weak and powerless :-(

> If anyone can relate or have some advice about similar experiences, I would

> eally appreciate it.

> Thank you for reading

> ish

>

> ------------------------------------

>

[Guest guest]

>

>

> Rish have you been to counseling? I'm actually starting it myself next week.

I'm thinking it will help me to figure out why I sabotage myself sometimes. At

this time I'm doing well with IE and learning how to stop when not hungry and

eat when hungry. Lately I've had a bit of an issue with eating before I'm

really hungry mostly becasue I'm again being pulled towards food. Not sure why

but hoping counseling will give me some insights into why I seem to need to stay

fat. Your note sounds like you have a lot of pain inside from your relationship

with food...maybe it can help?

>

> Sunny

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Here goes

>

>

> Hi everyone, I'm writing to share about a serious personal struggle I'm facing

> it my eating disorder. I consider myself to have EDNOS (eating disorder not

> therwise specified), because I am in recovery for binge eating and for

> estricting (nasty cycle to be in), as well as overexercising.

> In the past I've had success with intuitive eating. I moved home and started

> orking on it about a month ago. I haven't restricted what I eat, only

> estricted myself to eat when hungry and stop when full. For about a month and

a

> alf, I was not binging or restricting. I had a few days with some compulsive

> ites but I recognized it and moved on.

> During the last couple weeks, in part due to working at a new job with a

really

> ad environment, I started binging again. It was terrifying because I was so

> ware of it and yet my awareness couldn't help me this time. It was scary. It

> appened about four days in the last week. And it didn't necessarily feel like

> motional eating, more like I wanted to fail with my recovery. I didn't feel

> ike trying, didn't think it was worth it. It was strange.

> Now I'm afraid of spinning out of control again. I'm afraid of all letting

food

> onquer me again, because it's definitely felt like that for the last week.

> uring times like this I feel really helpless, because my eating disorder seems

> o strong and powerful that my best efforts never seem to work. In fact

> ometimes I don't even try because I'm afraid if I do and fail, then I'll just

> ose faith in the process of recovery.

> I'm really scared. I know how to eat intuitively. That doesn't seem like the

> roblem. I think it's a lot of negative beliefs that are trying to stop me, and

> feel so weak and powerless :-(

> If anyone can relate or have some advice about similar experiences, I would

> eally appreciate it.

> Thank you for reading

> ish

>

> ------------------------------------

>

[Guest guest]

Jane,

Wow, thank you for this incredible advice. You really hit the nail on the head,

and I relate to your story a lot. I'm in my early 20s now and I am a part of OA,

but often feel frustrated by its approach to food. I accept it and that it works

for others, but I feel frustrated because I feel like my approach to food is not

welcome in OA.

I thought back to my last binge, and realized what set it off was a feeling of

helplessness. It was a subtle feeling but I acted on it immediately by binging

instead of letting it become louder, instead of listening to it.

I really appreciate your advice and I'm committing myself to calling someone or

reaching out, just to talk, the next time I feel the urge to binge.

Thank you for your inspiring story!

Rish

> >

>

> > During the last couple weeks, in part due to working at a new job with a

really bad environment, I started binging again. It was terrifying because I was

so aware of it and yet my awareness couldn't help me this time. It was scary. It

happened about four days in the last week. And it didn't necessarily feel like

emotional eating, more like I wanted to fail with my recovery. I didn't feel

like trying, didn't think it was worth it. It was strange.

> >

> > Now I'm afraid of spinning out of control again.

>