Guest guest Posted September 20, 2011 Report Share Posted September 20, 2011 Hi Sara, That's a really good point; I think I was feeling overwhelmed and maybe I'm not practiced enough in my new coping strategies. I use meditation, breathing, writing but I don't think my new habits were strong enough yet. I read something today in a book about how we must first train ourselves with these coping strategies, then apply then when we feel the urges. If we don't it's like learning how to swim when we're drowning. So now I'm trying to forgive myself, because it's not fair to expect myself to learn how to swim while I " m already drowning :-) rish > > It sounds to me like you've already got a good idea of what's going on, and I think that's key. You're aware that the stress of a new job and a bad environment at said job are causing you to binge in reaction. Your current coping mechanisms were overwhelmed by the stress, and so you turned back to food as a coping mechanism. > > Give yourself the kudos you deserve for being aware. It is so easy to fall back into old habits when times get tough and not see or understand why...don't underestimate your self awareness! > > > I would ask: > Do you have other relaxation methods to cope with the stress? > Is there anything you can do to make yourself feel less powerless at work? Or if you can't, can you " forgive " yourself for not being able to? I know I personally get worked up sometimes about things that are out of my control, and I have to learn to let go and not stress so much about situations of other people's makings. > > > And yes, call your therapist...and please keep us posted! > > Best of luck, > > Sara > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2011 Report Share Posted September 20, 2011 Hi Sara, That's a really good point; I think I was feeling overwhelmed and maybe I'm not practiced enough in my new coping strategies. I use meditation, breathing, writing but I don't think my new habits were strong enough yet. I read something today in a book about how we must first train ourselves with these coping strategies, then apply then when we feel the urges. If we don't it's like learning how to swim when we're drowning. So now I'm trying to forgive myself, because it's not fair to expect myself to learn how to swim while I " m already drowning :-) rish > > It sounds to me like you've already got a good idea of what's going on, and I think that's key. You're aware that the stress of a new job and a bad environment at said job are causing you to binge in reaction. Your current coping mechanisms were overwhelmed by the stress, and so you turned back to food as a coping mechanism. > > Give yourself the kudos you deserve for being aware. It is so easy to fall back into old habits when times get tough and not see or understand why...don't underestimate your self awareness! > > > I would ask: > Do you have other relaxation methods to cope with the stress? > Is there anything you can do to make yourself feel less powerless at work? Or if you can't, can you " forgive " yourself for not being able to? I know I personally get worked up sometimes about things that are out of my control, and I have to learn to let go and not stress so much about situations of other people's makings. > > > And yes, call your therapist...and please keep us posted! > > Best of luck, > > Sara > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2011 Report Share Posted September 20, 2011 , I relate a lot to what you shared, and I'm inspired by your story. It does take effort to change behaviors, and it won't happen in a day, week, month, or even a year. Thanks for sharing about how important it is to keep putting in the effort. I think I wanted to be on autopilot and I still have some work to do before I'm there. Rish > > > > Hi everyone, I'm writing to share about a serious personal struggle I'm facing wit my eating disorder. I consider myself to have EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified), because I am in recovery for binge eating and for restricting (nasty cycle to be in), as well as overexercising. > > > > In the past I've had success with intuitive eating. I moved home and started working on it about a month ago. I haven't restricted what I eat, only restricted myself to eat when hungry and stop when full. For about a month and a half, I was not binging or restricting. I had a few days with some compulsive bites but I recognized it and moved on. > > > > During the last couple weeks, in part due to working at a new job with a really bad environment, I started binging again. It was terrifying because I was so aware of it and yet my awareness couldn't help me this time. It was scary. It happened about four days in the last week. And it didn't necessarily feel like emotional eating, more like I wanted to fail with my recovery. I didn't feel like trying, didn't think it was worth it. It was strange. > > > > Now I'm afraid of spinning out of control again. I'm afraid of all letting food conquer me again, because it's definitely felt like that for the last week. During times like this I feel really helpless, because my eating disorder seems so strong and powerful that my best efforts never seem to work. In fact sometimes I don't even try because I'm afraid if I do and fail, then I'll just lose faith in the process of recovery. > > > > I'm really scared. I know how to eat intuitively. That doesn't seem like the problem. I think it's a lot of negative beliefs that are trying to stop me, and I feel so weak and powerless :-( > > > > If anyone can relate or have some advice about similar experiences, I would really appreciate it. > > > > Thank you for reading > > Rish > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2011 Report Share Posted September 20, 2011 , I relate a lot to what you shared, and I'm inspired by your story. It does take effort to change behaviors, and it won't happen in a day, week, month, or even a year. Thanks for sharing about how important it is to keep putting in the effort. I think I wanted to be on autopilot and I still have some work to do before I'm there. Rish > > > > Hi everyone, I'm writing to share about a serious personal struggle I'm facing wit my eating disorder. I consider myself to have EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified), because I am in recovery for binge eating and for restricting (nasty cycle to be in), as well as overexercising. > > > > In the past I've had success with intuitive eating. I moved home and started working on it about a month ago. I haven't restricted what I eat, only restricted myself to eat when hungry and stop when full. For about a month and a half, I was not binging or restricting. I had a few days with some compulsive bites but I recognized it and moved on. > > > > During the last couple weeks, in part due to working at a new job with a really bad environment, I started binging again. It was terrifying because I was so aware of it and yet my awareness couldn't help me this time. It was scary. It happened about four days in the last week. And it didn't necessarily feel like emotional eating, more like I wanted to fail with my recovery. I didn't feel like trying, didn't think it was worth it. It was strange. > > > > Now I'm afraid of spinning out of control again. I'm afraid of all letting food conquer me again, because it's definitely felt like that for the last week. During times like this I feel really helpless, because my eating disorder seems so strong and powerful that my best efforts never seem to work. In fact sometimes I don't even try because I'm afraid if I do and fail, then I'll just lose faith in the process of recovery. > > > > I'm really scared. I know how to eat intuitively. That doesn't seem like the problem. I think it's a lot of negative beliefs that are trying to stop me, and I feel so weak and powerless :-( > > > > If anyone can relate or have some advice about similar experiences, I would really appreciate it. > > > > Thank you for reading > > Rish > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2011 Report Share Posted September 20, 2011 Thanks for your encouragement. You're right, there's something I need to address and that's why some part of me wanted to binge, to get my attention. I'm learning that I have a tendency to rebel a lot, which is ironic because I always try to do the right thing and succeed on the outside, with others. But when I started IE a couple months ago, I've had many moments of rebellion. And there's always a reason I'm rebelling, and I think it's kind of cool that I can figure out that something is wrong because of how my inner self lashes out/gets angry. It's really hard not to blame myself or feel disappointed in myself when I binge. It's an ingrained pattern, and sometimes it seems like no matter how many times I try to tell myself I forgive myself I really don't. But I " m working on it, on going deeper.. Thanks for your support! > > > > Hi everyone, I'm writing to share about a serious personal struggle I'm facing wit my eating disorder. I consider myself to have EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified), because I am in recovery for binge eating and for restricting (nasty cycle to be in), as well as overexercising. > > > > In the past I've had success with intuitive eating. I moved home and started working on it about a month ago. I haven't restricted what I eat, only restricted myself to eat when hungry and stop when full. For about a month and a half, I was not binging or restricting. I had a few days with some compulsive bites but I recognized it and moved on. > > > > During the last couple weeks, in part due to working at a new job with a really bad environment, I started binging again. It was terrifying because I was so aware of it and yet my awareness couldn't help me this time. It was scary. It happened about four days in the last week. And it didn't necessarily feel like emotional eating, more like I wanted to fail with my recovery. I didn't feel like trying, didn't think it was worth it. It was strange. > > > > Now I'm afraid of spinning out of control again. I'm afraid of all letting food conquer me again, because it's definitely felt like that for the last week. During times like this I feel really helpless, because my eating disorder seems so strong and powerful that my best efforts never seem to work. In fact sometimes I don't even try because I'm afraid if I do and fail, then I'll just lose faith in the process of recovery. > > > > I'm really scared. I know how to eat intuitively. That doesn't seem like the problem. I think it's a lot of negative beliefs that are trying to stop me, and I feel so weak and powerless :-( > > > > If anyone can relate or have some advice about similar experiences, I would really appreciate it. > > > > Thank you for reading > > Rish > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2011 Report Share Posted September 20, 2011 Thanks for your encouragement. You're right, there's something I need to address and that's why some part of me wanted to binge, to get my attention. I'm learning that I have a tendency to rebel a lot, which is ironic because I always try to do the right thing and succeed on the outside, with others. But when I started IE a couple months ago, I've had many moments of rebellion. And there's always a reason I'm rebelling, and I think it's kind of cool that I can figure out that something is wrong because of how my inner self lashes out/gets angry. It's really hard not to blame myself or feel disappointed in myself when I binge. It's an ingrained pattern, and sometimes it seems like no matter how many times I try to tell myself I forgive myself I really don't. But I " m working on it, on going deeper.. Thanks for your support! > > > > Hi everyone, I'm writing to share about a serious personal struggle I'm facing wit my eating disorder. I consider myself to have EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified), because I am in recovery for binge eating and for restricting (nasty cycle to be in), as well as overexercising. > > > > In the past I've had success with intuitive eating. I moved home and started working on it about a month ago. I haven't restricted what I eat, only restricted myself to eat when hungry and stop when full. For about a month and a half, I was not binging or restricting. I had a few days with some compulsive bites but I recognized it and moved on. > > > > During the last couple weeks, in part due to working at a new job with a really bad environment, I started binging again. It was terrifying because I was so aware of it and yet my awareness couldn't help me this time. It was scary. It happened about four days in the last week. And it didn't necessarily feel like emotional eating, more like I wanted to fail with my recovery. I didn't feel like trying, didn't think it was worth it. It was strange. > > > > Now I'm afraid of spinning out of control again. I'm afraid of all letting food conquer me again, because it's definitely felt like that for the last week. During times like this I feel really helpless, because my eating disorder seems so strong and powerful that my best efforts never seem to work. In fact sometimes I don't even try because I'm afraid if I do and fail, then I'll just lose faith in the process of recovery. > > > > I'm really scared. I know how to eat intuitively. That doesn't seem like the problem. I think it's a lot of negative beliefs that are trying to stop me, and I feel so weak and powerless :-( > > > > If anyone can relate or have some advice about similar experiences, I would really appreciate it. > > > > Thank you for reading > > Rish > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2011 Report Share Posted September 20, 2011 Hi Rish, I may be way off base with this, but I wonder if maybe perfectionism is playing some role in all of this. Perfectionists can be experts at self-sabotage! Let me give you an example of what I mean from my own life that doesn't involve food. I have some sort of an (incorrect) core belief that if try something, and don't do it absolutely PERFECTLY, I will be a failure. The idea of failing is too overwhelming, so I do something to sabotage myself before I ever really even get started. For example, in college, I was afraid that if I tried my very best, it might not be good enough, and I wouldn't get all A's. If I tried my best and didn't get A's, that would be extremely hard to handle. BUT, if I didn't go to class and didn't study until the night before the test, and then pulled a C, then I had an excuse for not succeeding which allowed me to keep my self-esteem intact. I could just say (to myself or others) " Yeah, I got a C, but I only studied the night before the test and I didn't go to class. " My " aha " moment with perfectionism came (strangely enough) from reading books about cleaning by Flylady. Flylady is a cleaning " guru " who used to be a slob. She had been a perfectionist, and her need to get everything exactly right crippled her and kept her from doing anything. Before Flylady, I used to put off cleaning my bathroom, because I thought if I started it, it would be a half-day job in order to do it RIGHT. So rather than do it half-way, I would sabotage myself and not do it at all. Why? Because I had internalized the belief that to do something halfway was to fail. And that would make me a failure -- something I didn't want to face. So rather than trying and failing, I did nothing...which was the much safer option. What that meant is that I rarely had a clean bathroom!!! One day I read this quote by Flylady, and it opened my eyes. She simply said, " Housework done imperfectly still blesses your family. " I guess you could just sum it up and say " Doing something is better than doing nothing. " She teaches the idea of using baby steps to get where you're going. We perfectionists have a hard time with that. We want to do everything perfectly right away -- the first time we ever try it. But that's not reality for human beings. We are imperfect creatures, and we will never, ever be perfect in this life. That does not mean we are total failures!!! It means we are human beings. The question is, can we just allow ourselves to continue taking baby steps in the right direction, without hammering ourselves for our perceived failure to be perfect? All this to say that intuitive eating is not something you have to do perfectly -- or else!!! It is a process of just making baby steps in the right direction. I don't know about you, but I think that solves a lot of problems for me in the area of losing control. I don't have to punish myself for not performing perfectly at intuitive eating by binging. I can just take the next step, and continue learning to walk. It's okay. And I don't have to sabotage myself out of fear that somewhere down the line I am bound to fail. If I redefine success as " progress " instead of " perfection, " it frees me to continue taking the next baby step. I don't know, Rish, maybe this has nothing to do with you at all. But who knows, maybe it will help someone else on here. I also want to echo Jane's outstanding advice about calling someone. It can be a hard thing to do, but it does help. Blessings to you! Joanna > > Hi everyone, I'm writing to share about a serious personal struggle I'm facing wit my eating disorder. I consider myself to have EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified), because I am in recovery for binge eating and for restricting (nasty cycle to be in), as well as overexercising. > > In the past I've had success with intuitive eating. I moved home and started working on it about a month ago. I haven't restricted what I eat, only restricted myself to eat when hungry and stop when full. For about a month and a half, I was not binging or restricting. I had a few days with some compulsive bites but I recognized it and moved on. > > During the last couple weeks, in part due to working at a new job with a really bad environment, I started binging again. It was terrifying because I was so aware of it and yet my awareness couldn't help me this time. It was scary. It happened about four days in the last week. And it didn't necessarily feel like emotional eating, more like I wanted to fail with my recovery. I didn't feel like trying, didn't think it was worth it. It was strange. > > Now I'm afraid of spinning out of control again. I'm afraid of all letting food conquer me again, because it's definitely felt like that for the last week. During times like this I feel really helpless, because my eating disorder seems so strong and powerful that my best efforts never seem to work. In fact sometimes I don't even try because I'm afraid if I do and fail, then I'll just lose faith in the process of recovery. > > I'm really scared. I know how to eat intuitively. That doesn't seem like the problem. I think it's a lot of negative beliefs that are trying to stop me, and I feel so weak and powerless :-( > > If anyone can relate or have some advice about similar experiences, I would really appreciate it. > > Thank you for reading > Rish > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2011 Report Share Posted September 20, 2011 Hi Rish, I may be way off base with this, but I wonder if maybe perfectionism is playing some role in all of this. Perfectionists can be experts at self-sabotage! Let me give you an example of what I mean from my own life that doesn't involve food. I have some sort of an (incorrect) core belief that if try something, and don't do it absolutely PERFECTLY, I will be a failure. The idea of failing is too overwhelming, so I do something to sabotage myself before I ever really even get started. For example, in college, I was afraid that if I tried my very best, it might not be good enough, and I wouldn't get all A's. If I tried my best and didn't get A's, that would be extremely hard to handle. BUT, if I didn't go to class and didn't study until the night before the test, and then pulled a C, then I had an excuse for not succeeding which allowed me to keep my self-esteem intact. I could just say (to myself or others) " Yeah, I got a C, but I only studied the night before the test and I didn't go to class. " My " aha " moment with perfectionism came (strangely enough) from reading books about cleaning by Flylady. Flylady is a cleaning " guru " who used to be a slob. She had been a perfectionist, and her need to get everything exactly right crippled her and kept her from doing anything. Before Flylady, I used to put off cleaning my bathroom, because I thought if I started it, it would be a half-day job in order to do it RIGHT. So rather than do it half-way, I would sabotage myself and not do it at all. Why? Because I had internalized the belief that to do something halfway was to fail. And that would make me a failure -- something I didn't want to face. So rather than trying and failing, I did nothing...which was the much safer option. What that meant is that I rarely had a clean bathroom!!! One day I read this quote by Flylady, and it opened my eyes. She simply said, " Housework done imperfectly still blesses your family. " I guess you could just sum it up and say " Doing something is better than doing nothing. " She teaches the idea of using baby steps to get where you're going. We perfectionists have a hard time with that. We want to do everything perfectly right away -- the first time we ever try it. But that's not reality for human beings. We are imperfect creatures, and we will never, ever be perfect in this life. That does not mean we are total failures!!! It means we are human beings. The question is, can we just allow ourselves to continue taking baby steps in the right direction, without hammering ourselves for our perceived failure to be perfect? All this to say that intuitive eating is not something you have to do perfectly -- or else!!! It is a process of just making baby steps in the right direction. I don't know about you, but I think that solves a lot of problems for me in the area of losing control. I don't have to punish myself for not performing perfectly at intuitive eating by binging. I can just take the next step, and continue learning to walk. It's okay. And I don't have to sabotage myself out of fear that somewhere down the line I am bound to fail. If I redefine success as " progress " instead of " perfection, " it frees me to continue taking the next baby step. I don't know, Rish, maybe this has nothing to do with you at all. But who knows, maybe it will help someone else on here. I also want to echo Jane's outstanding advice about calling someone. It can be a hard thing to do, but it does help. Blessings to you! Joanna > > Hi everyone, I'm writing to share about a serious personal struggle I'm facing wit my eating disorder. I consider myself to have EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified), because I am in recovery for binge eating and for restricting (nasty cycle to be in), as well as overexercising. > > In the past I've had success with intuitive eating. I moved home and started working on it about a month ago. I haven't restricted what I eat, only restricted myself to eat when hungry and stop when full. For about a month and a half, I was not binging or restricting. I had a few days with some compulsive bites but I recognized it and moved on. > > During the last couple weeks, in part due to working at a new job with a really bad environment, I started binging again. It was terrifying because I was so aware of it and yet my awareness couldn't help me this time. It was scary. It happened about four days in the last week. And it didn't necessarily feel like emotional eating, more like I wanted to fail with my recovery. I didn't feel like trying, didn't think it was worth it. It was strange. > > Now I'm afraid of spinning out of control again. I'm afraid of all letting food conquer me again, because it's definitely felt like that for the last week. During times like this I feel really helpless, because my eating disorder seems so strong and powerful that my best efforts never seem to work. In fact sometimes I don't even try because I'm afraid if I do and fail, then I'll just lose faith in the process of recovery. > > I'm really scared. I know how to eat intuitively. That doesn't seem like the problem. I think it's a lot of negative beliefs that are trying to stop me, and I feel so weak and powerless :-( > > If anyone can relate or have some advice about similar experiences, I would really appreciate it. > > Thank you for reading > Rish > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2011 Report Share Posted September 20, 2011 Hi Rish, I may be way off base with this, but I wonder if maybe perfectionism is playing some role in all of this. Perfectionists can be experts at self-sabotage! Let me give you an example of what I mean from my own life that doesn't involve food. I have some sort of an (incorrect) core belief that if try something, and don't do it absolutely PERFECTLY, I will be a failure. The idea of failing is too overwhelming, so I do something to sabotage myself before I ever really even get started. For example, in college, I was afraid that if I tried my very best, it might not be good enough, and I wouldn't get all A's. If I tried my best and didn't get A's, that would be extremely hard to handle. BUT, if I didn't go to class and didn't study until the night before the test, and then pulled a C, then I had an excuse for not succeeding which allowed me to keep my self-esteem intact. I could just say (to myself or others) " Yeah, I got a C, but I only studied the night before the test and I didn't go to class. " My " aha " moment with perfectionism came (strangely enough) from reading books about cleaning by Flylady. Flylady is a cleaning " guru " who used to be a slob. She had been a perfectionist, and her need to get everything exactly right crippled her and kept her from doing anything. Before Flylady, I used to put off cleaning my bathroom, because I thought if I started it, it would be a half-day job in order to do it RIGHT. So rather than do it half-way, I would sabotage myself and not do it at all. Why? Because I had internalized the belief that to do something halfway was to fail. And that would make me a failure -- something I didn't want to face. So rather than trying and failing, I did nothing...which was the much safer option. What that meant is that I rarely had a clean bathroom!!! One day I read this quote by Flylady, and it opened my eyes. She simply said, " Housework done imperfectly still blesses your family. " I guess you could just sum it up and say " Doing something is better than doing nothing. " She teaches the idea of using baby steps to get where you're going. We perfectionists have a hard time with that. We want to do everything perfectly right away -- the first time we ever try it. But that's not reality for human beings. We are imperfect creatures, and we will never, ever be perfect in this life. That does not mean we are total failures!!! It means we are human beings. The question is, can we just allow ourselves to continue taking baby steps in the right direction, without hammering ourselves for our perceived failure to be perfect? All this to say that intuitive eating is not something you have to do perfectly -- or else!!! It is a process of just making baby steps in the right direction. I don't know about you, but I think that solves a lot of problems for me in the area of losing control. I don't have to punish myself for not performing perfectly at intuitive eating by binging. I can just take the next step, and continue learning to walk. It's okay. And I don't have to sabotage myself out of fear that somewhere down the line I am bound to fail. If I redefine success as " progress " instead of " perfection, " it frees me to continue taking the next baby step. I don't know, Rish, maybe this has nothing to do with you at all. But who knows, maybe it will help someone else on here. I also want to echo Jane's outstanding advice about calling someone. It can be a hard thing to do, but it does help. Blessings to you! Joanna > > Hi everyone, I'm writing to share about a serious personal struggle I'm facing wit my eating disorder. I consider myself to have EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified), because I am in recovery for binge eating and for restricting (nasty cycle to be in), as well as overexercising. > > In the past I've had success with intuitive eating. I moved home and started working on it about a month ago. I haven't restricted what I eat, only restricted myself to eat when hungry and stop when full. For about a month and a half, I was not binging or restricting. I had a few days with some compulsive bites but I recognized it and moved on. > > During the last couple weeks, in part due to working at a new job with a really bad environment, I started binging again. It was terrifying because I was so aware of it and yet my awareness couldn't help me this time. It was scary. It happened about four days in the last week. And it didn't necessarily feel like emotional eating, more like I wanted to fail with my recovery. I didn't feel like trying, didn't think it was worth it. It was strange. > > Now I'm afraid of spinning out of control again. I'm afraid of all letting food conquer me again, because it's definitely felt like that for the last week. During times like this I feel really helpless, because my eating disorder seems so strong and powerful that my best efforts never seem to work. In fact sometimes I don't even try because I'm afraid if I do and fail, then I'll just lose faith in the process of recovery. > > I'm really scared. I know how to eat intuitively. That doesn't seem like the problem. I think it's a lot of negative beliefs that are trying to stop me, and I feel so weak and powerless :-( > > If anyone can relate or have some advice about similar experiences, I would really appreciate it. > > Thank you for reading > Rish > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2011 Report Share Posted September 20, 2011 Rish, Maybe it's like cruise control. It works great when the road is clear and straight and you're just cruising along at highway speed, but when traffic is heavy, there are signals to stop at, the road is wet, or there are a lot of twists and turns to navigate, cruise control is inappropriate and even dangerous. We must be alert and aware and responsive to input as we move forward carefully. Remember that in airplanes, autopilot is only used at cruising altitude. Jane > > > > > > Hi everyone, I'm writing to share about a serious personal struggle I'm facing wit my eating disorder. I consider myself to have EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified), because I am in recovery for binge eating and for restricting (nasty cycle to be in), as well as overexercising. > > > > > > In the past I've had success with intuitive eating. I moved home and started working on it about a month ago. I haven't restricted what I eat, only restricted myself to eat when hungry and stop when full. For about a month and a half, I was not binging or restricting. I had a few days with some compulsive bites but I recognized it and moved on. > > > > > > During the last couple weeks, in part due to working at a new job with a really bad environment, I started binging again. It was terrifying because I was so aware of it and yet my awareness couldn't help me this time. It was scary. It happened about four days in the last week. And it didn't necessarily feel like emotional eating, more like I wanted to fail with my recovery. I didn't feel like trying, didn't think it was worth it. It was strange. > > > > > > Now I'm afraid of spinning out of control again. I'm afraid of all letting food conquer me again, because it's definitely felt like that for the last week. During times like this I feel really helpless, because my eating disorder seems so strong and powerful that my best efforts never seem to work. In fact sometimes I don't even try because I'm afraid if I do and fail, then I'll just lose faith in the process of recovery. > > > > > > I'm really scared. I know how to eat intuitively. That doesn't seem like the problem. I think it's a lot of negative beliefs that are trying to stop me, and I feel so weak and powerless :-( > > > > > > If anyone can relate or have some advice about similar experiences, I would really appreciate it. > > > > > > Thank you for reading > > > Rish > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2011 Report Share Posted September 20, 2011 Rish, Maybe it's like cruise control. It works great when the road is clear and straight and you're just cruising along at highway speed, but when traffic is heavy, there are signals to stop at, the road is wet, or there are a lot of twists and turns to navigate, cruise control is inappropriate and even dangerous. We must be alert and aware and responsive to input as we move forward carefully. Remember that in airplanes, autopilot is only used at cruising altitude. Jane > > > > > > Hi everyone, I'm writing to share about a serious personal struggle I'm facing wit my eating disorder. I consider myself to have EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified), because I am in recovery for binge eating and for restricting (nasty cycle to be in), as well as overexercising. > > > > > > In the past I've had success with intuitive eating. I moved home and started working on it about a month ago. I haven't restricted what I eat, only restricted myself to eat when hungry and stop when full. For about a month and a half, I was not binging or restricting. I had a few days with some compulsive bites but I recognized it and moved on. > > > > > > During the last couple weeks, in part due to working at a new job with a really bad environment, I started binging again. It was terrifying because I was so aware of it and yet my awareness couldn't help me this time. It was scary. It happened about four days in the last week. And it didn't necessarily feel like emotional eating, more like I wanted to fail with my recovery. I didn't feel like trying, didn't think it was worth it. It was strange. > > > > > > Now I'm afraid of spinning out of control again. I'm afraid of all letting food conquer me again, because it's definitely felt like that for the last week. During times like this I feel really helpless, because my eating disorder seems so strong and powerful that my best efforts never seem to work. In fact sometimes I don't even try because I'm afraid if I do and fail, then I'll just lose faith in the process of recovery. > > > > > > I'm really scared. I know how to eat intuitively. That doesn't seem like the problem. I think it's a lot of negative beliefs that are trying to stop me, and I feel so weak and powerless :-( > > > > > > If anyone can relate or have some advice about similar experiences, I would really appreciate it. > > > > > > Thank you for reading > > > Rish > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2011 Report Share Posted September 20, 2011 Rish, Maybe it's like cruise control. It works great when the road is clear and straight and you're just cruising along at highway speed, but when traffic is heavy, there are signals to stop at, the road is wet, or there are a lot of twists and turns to navigate, cruise control is inappropriate and even dangerous. We must be alert and aware and responsive to input as we move forward carefully. Remember that in airplanes, autopilot is only used at cruising altitude. Jane > > > > > > Hi everyone, I'm writing to share about a serious personal struggle I'm facing wit my eating disorder. I consider myself to have EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified), because I am in recovery for binge eating and for restricting (nasty cycle to be in), as well as overexercising. > > > > > > In the past I've had success with intuitive eating. I moved home and started working on it about a month ago. I haven't restricted what I eat, only restricted myself to eat when hungry and stop when full. For about a month and a half, I was not binging or restricting. I had a few days with some compulsive bites but I recognized it and moved on. > > > > > > During the last couple weeks, in part due to working at a new job with a really bad environment, I started binging again. It was terrifying because I was so aware of it and yet my awareness couldn't help me this time. It was scary. It happened about four days in the last week. And it didn't necessarily feel like emotional eating, more like I wanted to fail with my recovery. I didn't feel like trying, didn't think it was worth it. It was strange. > > > > > > Now I'm afraid of spinning out of control again. I'm afraid of all letting food conquer me again, because it's definitely felt like that for the last week. During times like this I feel really helpless, because my eating disorder seems so strong and powerful that my best efforts never seem to work. In fact sometimes I don't even try because I'm afraid if I do and fail, then I'll just lose faith in the process of recovery. > > > > > > I'm really scared. I know how to eat intuitively. That doesn't seem like the problem. I think it's a lot of negative beliefs that are trying to stop me, and I feel so weak and powerless :-( > > > > > > If anyone can relate or have some advice about similar experiences, I would really appreciate it. > > > > > > Thank you for reading > > > Rish > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2011 Report Share Posted September 20, 2011 Right on Joanna! Perfectionism is a bane of IE, often seen what I've heard others name 'black & white thinking'. This certainly has to have come to us who get sucked into that vortex by way of 'inoculation', probably from some well meaning influence who wanted to motivate us to do our 'best'. Yet how can we be any better at being our own selves really? I find I do myself far more harm by demanding and expecting from myself what I truly do not want, nor am capable of being. Talk about crazy making! Wouldn't it be wonderful to have an alarm bell go off to signal when we have strayed from our own paths?!? Oops! that's expecting perfection - ha ha! Meanwhile embracing my own little victories over diet mentality and basking in the delights that I have IE to thank for keep me motivated well enough. Thanks for your post. Katcha IEing since March 2007 > > Hi Rish, > > I may be way off base with this, but I wonder if maybe perfectionism is playing some role in all of this. Perfectionists can be experts at self-sabotage! > > Joanna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2011 Report Share Posted September 20, 2011 Rish, We rebel against external authority figures who impose their will over us. IE is all about taking care of ourselves and letting go of an external locus of control around our eating. If you are rebelling, then perhaps you are making IE another " diet " with " eating rules. " IE is about figuring out what our own bodies are asking us for in the way of nourishment, movement, etc. and when we have urges to ignore our body's signals on eating, to look at areas in our lives where we are not taking care of our own emotional needs. This is ALL self-care, Rish, NOT any imposition of rules from outside of ourselves. We don't have to be perfect. It's just living it moment-by-moment and doing the best we can as we go along. This is not something anyone is going to grade us on (like in weight loss groups which have a weekly public weigh in). And I think a lot of us with eating problems are " goody two shoes " generally. We need to learn to trust ourselves and accept our bodies as beautiful and wonderfully made to provide us with all the information we need to take good care of ourselves. Jane > >I have a tendency to rebel a lot, which is ironic because I always try to do the right thing and succeed on the outside, with others. But when I started IE a couple months ago, I've had many moments of rebellion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2011 Report Share Posted September 20, 2011 Rish, We rebel against external authority figures who impose their will over us. IE is all about taking care of ourselves and letting go of an external locus of control around our eating. If you are rebelling, then perhaps you are making IE another " diet " with " eating rules. " IE is about figuring out what our own bodies are asking us for in the way of nourishment, movement, etc. and when we have urges to ignore our body's signals on eating, to look at areas in our lives where we are not taking care of our own emotional needs. This is ALL self-care, Rish, NOT any imposition of rules from outside of ourselves. We don't have to be perfect. It's just living it moment-by-moment and doing the best we can as we go along. This is not something anyone is going to grade us on (like in weight loss groups which have a weekly public weigh in). And I think a lot of us with eating problems are " goody two shoes " generally. We need to learn to trust ourselves and accept our bodies as beautiful and wonderfully made to provide us with all the information we need to take good care of ourselves. Jane > >I have a tendency to rebel a lot, which is ironic because I always try to do the right thing and succeed on the outside, with others. But when I started IE a couple months ago, I've had many moments of rebellion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2011 Report Share Posted September 20, 2011 Rish, We rebel against external authority figures who impose their will over us. IE is all about taking care of ourselves and letting go of an external locus of control around our eating. If you are rebelling, then perhaps you are making IE another " diet " with " eating rules. " IE is about figuring out what our own bodies are asking us for in the way of nourishment, movement, etc. and when we have urges to ignore our body's signals on eating, to look at areas in our lives where we are not taking care of our own emotional needs. This is ALL self-care, Rish, NOT any imposition of rules from outside of ourselves. We don't have to be perfect. It's just living it moment-by-moment and doing the best we can as we go along. This is not something anyone is going to grade us on (like in weight loss groups which have a weekly public weigh in). And I think a lot of us with eating problems are " goody two shoes " generally. We need to learn to trust ourselves and accept our bodies as beautiful and wonderfully made to provide us with all the information we need to take good care of ourselves. Jane > >I have a tendency to rebel a lot, which is ironic because I always try to do the right thing and succeed on the outside, with others. But when I started IE a couple months ago, I've had many moments of rebellion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2011 Report Share Posted September 20, 2011 Well said Jane! ehugs, Katcha > > > >I have a tendency to rebel a lot, which is ironic because I always try to do the right thing and succeed on the outside, with others. But when I started IE a couple months ago, I've had many moments of rebellion. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2011 Report Share Posted September 20, 2011 Well said Jane! ehugs, Katcha > > > >I have a tendency to rebel a lot, which is ironic because I always try to do the right thing and succeed on the outside, with others. But when I started IE a couple months ago, I've had many moments of rebellion. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2011 Report Share Posted September 20, 2011 Well said Jane! ehugs, Katcha > > > >I have a tendency to rebel a lot, which is ironic because I always try to do the right thing and succeed on the outside, with others. But when I started IE a couple months ago, I've had many moments of rebellion. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2011 Report Share Posted September 20, 2011 I defnitely have perfectionist tendencies. And they definitely creep in on my recovery process, but I like what you said about redefining success as progress, not perfection. Maybe even telling ourselves it's good to make mistakes because that means we're actually recovering and not just falling back into old patterns of perfectionism/disordered eating. > > > > Hi everyone, I'm writing to share about a serious personal struggle I'm facing wit my eating disorder. I consider myself to have EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified), because I am in recovery for binge eating and for restricting (nasty cycle to be in), as well as overexercising. > > > > In the past I've had success with intuitive eating. I moved home and started working on it about a month ago. I haven't restricted what I eat, only restricted myself to eat when hungry and stop when full. For about a month and a half, I was not binging or restricting. I had a few days with some compulsive bites but I recognized it and moved on. > > > > During the last couple weeks, in part due to working at a new job with a really bad environment, I started binging again. It was terrifying because I was so aware of it and yet my awareness couldn't help me this time. It was scary. It happened about four days in the last week. And it didn't necessarily feel like emotional eating, more like I wanted to fail with my recovery. I didn't feel like trying, didn't think it was worth it. It was strange. > > > > Now I'm afraid of spinning out of control again. I'm afraid of all letting food conquer me again, because it's definitely felt like that for the last week. During times like this I feel really helpless, because my eating disorder seems so strong and powerful that my best efforts never seem to work. In fact sometimes I don't even try because I'm afraid if I do and fail, then I'll just lose faith in the process of recovery. > > > > I'm really scared. I know how to eat intuitively. That doesn't seem like the problem. I think it's a lot of negative beliefs that are trying to stop me, and I feel so weak and powerless :-( > > > > If anyone can relate or have some advice about similar experiences, I would really appreciate it. > > > > Thank you for reading > > Rish > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2011 Report Share Posted September 20, 2011 Jane, That's a good point. I see rebellion as a way to find insight about this process. Usually it means that I'm being controlling or expecting too much of myself. I " m learning how to go at my own pace and really trust myself on what to do. The funny thing is that intuitive eating becomes about so much more than eating in the process, it's learning how to live intuitively, too > > > >I have a tendency to rebel a lot, which is ironic because I always try to do the right thing and succeed on the outside, with others. But when I started IE a couple months ago, I've had many moments of rebellion. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2011 Report Share Posted September 20, 2011 Jane, That's a good point. I see rebellion as a way to find insight about this process. Usually it means that I'm being controlling or expecting too much of myself. I " m learning how to go at my own pace and really trust myself on what to do. The funny thing is that intuitive eating becomes about so much more than eating in the process, it's learning how to live intuitively, too > > > >I have a tendency to rebel a lot, which is ironic because I always try to do the right thing and succeed on the outside, with others. But when I started IE a couple months ago, I've had many moments of rebellion. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2011 Report Share Posted September 20, 2011 Jane, That's a good point. I see rebellion as a way to find insight about this process. Usually it means that I'm being controlling or expecting too much of myself. I " m learning how to go at my own pace and really trust myself on what to do. The funny thing is that intuitive eating becomes about so much more than eating in the process, it's learning how to live intuitively, too > > > >I have a tendency to rebel a lot, which is ironic because I always try to do the right thing and succeed on the outside, with others. But when I started IE a couple months ago, I've had many moments of rebellion. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 21, 2011 Report Share Posted September 21, 2011 Rish, I can relate. It sounds like you are rebelling against your success eating intuitively. I've been there. Part of it is not wanting to lose the preoccupation with and strange, but compelling benefits of overeating. I want to prove to myself that I can still overeat if I want to. I find I do this when I am subconsciously restricting or judging myself on my weight, even a little. Another part of it is the fear of success or feeling like you somehow don't deserve to be a normal eater. Then when you overeat, you can have the satisfaction of "proving" that you really can't do this -- "see, I really am a failure after all." Because what would your life look like as a normal eater? What would you do with your time and the emptiness you may feel when eating isn't your biggest concern and project? It's an unknown and that can be scary, too. I think being aware during a binge is a huge achievement. It didn't stop you, but that's OK. You are taking it one step at a time, and that's as it should be. Keep noticing when you are binging - how the food tastes, feels, etc. without judging. Eventually, I'm told that the urges subside or dramatically lessen. Be with yourself and support yourself during these times. You are most in need of your own compassion when you are being compulsive. Mimi Subject: Here goesTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Monday, September 19, 2011, 7:18 PM Hi everyone, I'm writing to share about a serious personal struggle I'm facing wit my eating disorder. I consider myself to have EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified), because I am in recovery for binge eating and for restricting (nasty cycle to be in), as well as overexercising. In the past I've had success with intuitive eating. I moved home and started working on it about a month ago. I haven't restricted what I eat, only restricted myself to eat when hungry and stop when full. For about a month and a half, I was not binging or restricting. I had a few days with some compulsive bites but I recognized it and moved on.During the last couple weeks, in part due to working at a new job with a really bad environment, I started binging again. It was terrifying because I was so aware of it and yet my awareness couldn't help me this time. It was scary. It happened about four days in the last week. And it didn't necessarily feel like emotional eating, more like I wanted to fail with my recovery. I didn't feel like trying, didn't think it was worth it. It was strange. Now I'm afraid of spinning out of control again. I'm afraid of all letting food conquer me again, because it's definitely felt like that for the last week. During times like this I feel really helpless, because my eating disorder seems so strong and powerful that my best efforts never seem to work. In fact sometimes I don't even try because I'm afraid if I do and fail, then I'll just lose faith in the process of recovery.I'm really scared. I know how to eat intuitively. That doesn't seem like the problem. I think it's a lot of negative beliefs that are trying to stop me, and I feel so weak and powerless :-(If anyone can relate or have some advice about similar experiences, I would really appreciate it.Thank you for readingRish Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 21, 2011 Report Share Posted September 21, 2011 Rish, I can relate. It sounds like you are rebelling against your success eating intuitively. I've been there. Part of it is not wanting to lose the preoccupation with and strange, but compelling benefits of overeating. I want to prove to myself that I can still overeat if I want to. I find I do this when I am subconsciously restricting or judging myself on my weight, even a little. Another part of it is the fear of success or feeling like you somehow don't deserve to be a normal eater. Then when you overeat, you can have the satisfaction of "proving" that you really can't do this -- "see, I really am a failure after all." Because what would your life look like as a normal eater? What would you do with your time and the emptiness you may feel when eating isn't your biggest concern and project? It's an unknown and that can be scary, too. I think being aware during a binge is a huge achievement. It didn't stop you, but that's OK. You are taking it one step at a time, and that's as it should be. Keep noticing when you are binging - how the food tastes, feels, etc. without judging. Eventually, I'm told that the urges subside or dramatically lessen. Be with yourself and support yourself during these times. You are most in need of your own compassion when you are being compulsive. Mimi Subject: Here goesTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Monday, September 19, 2011, 7:18 PM Hi everyone, I'm writing to share about a serious personal struggle I'm facing wit my eating disorder. I consider myself to have EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified), because I am in recovery for binge eating and for restricting (nasty cycle to be in), as well as overexercising. In the past I've had success with intuitive eating. I moved home and started working on it about a month ago. I haven't restricted what I eat, only restricted myself to eat when hungry and stop when full. For about a month and a half, I was not binging or restricting. I had a few days with some compulsive bites but I recognized it and moved on.During the last couple weeks, in part due to working at a new job with a really bad environment, I started binging again. It was terrifying because I was so aware of it and yet my awareness couldn't help me this time. It was scary. It happened about four days in the last week. And it didn't necessarily feel like emotional eating, more like I wanted to fail with my recovery. I didn't feel like trying, didn't think it was worth it. It was strange. Now I'm afraid of spinning out of control again. I'm afraid of all letting food conquer me again, because it's definitely felt like that for the last week. During times like this I feel really helpless, because my eating disorder seems so strong and powerful that my best efforts never seem to work. In fact sometimes I don't even try because I'm afraid if I do and fail, then I'll just lose faith in the process of recovery.I'm really scared. I know how to eat intuitively. That doesn't seem like the problem. I think it's a lot of negative beliefs that are trying to stop me, and I feel so weak and powerless :-(If anyone can relate or have some advice about similar experiences, I would really appreciate it.Thank you for readingRish Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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