Re: Nada is trying to make me crazy too

[Guest guest]

I think you should do what feels right for you. If you want to go & see

your aunts & cousins, go! Just prepare yourself for your nada's " style " , if

you will. I would probably go, have fun and not let it show if her behavor

was getting to me. Just try to have fun. ly, going & having fun might

be good for you & your little one... and it might just make your nada a bit

crazy if you do go with a smile on your face and just have fun.

Maybe her having someone there will take the heat off of you & your brother.

I don't know.

Listen to your gut. That's something I wasn't ever allowed to do so now I'm

still working to really know what it's telling me. It can take time, but

usually my gut is right.

Mia

>

>

> Ok, forgive me as I am new to this whole BPD scene and figuring out my

> mom's " motivations " for the first time.

>

> My nada is going on an almost 2-month " cold shoulder/silent treatment "

> after a holiday blow up.

>

> She called today to tell me that she is bringing a " male friend " to a big

> family gathering tomorrow at my aunt's house. I had no idea she had been

> seeing anyone. I calmly said " ok " and asked what's his name and what does he

> do, etc etc. She immediately became hostile and said " this is my business

> and his name is Tim and I'm not telling you anything else about it. I'd

> rather keep my business to myself " . She went on to explain he was " just a

> friend " and there was nothing romantic there. When I questioned why you

> would feel the need to introduce a casual friend to your children and

> siblings, she told me " I am tired of being alone at these family functions,

> I'd like to be with somebody " . Ok, that makes a lot of sense...????

>

> I don't know why I let it get to me, but it worked. I know I shouldn't have

> reacted but this holiday has been especially hard for me, realizing that I

> don't have a real mom and grieving what we used to have before she went

> completely off her rocker.

>

> After hanging up, I realized that she is doing this to make a big scene at

> the family gathering and draw all attention to herself. And also to make me

> and my brother feel awkward AND to show us she is in control, if possible,

> of our emotions as well.

>

> I want to call her bluff and not show up tomorrow. I have a 3 year old

> daughter and I would love to see my aunts and cousins but I don't know that

> I'm up for seeing my mom making big dramatic entrances with some man just to

> prove a point to me and I don't know that I want to explain that " man

> friend " to my 3 year old.

>

> She can introduce a man friend properly to me and my family without

> throwing him in my face in a group full of people.

>

> Am I wrong in wanting to not show up? Be honest - I'm not looking for

> validation. I want HONEST opinions please. I feel really in a daze right now

> while learning about BPD.

>

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