Kind of off topic, but not entirely?

January 1, 2011

My fiance's ex is most likely BPD as confirmed by our therapist. Granted,

she could be wrong, but I don't think she is. And this rant is about the

potentially BPD ex.

Therapist has been telling him to put his foot down with her, to reinforce

his own expectations of her when she has the kids etc. She explained that

when dealing with people with BPD it's like dealing with a child, even if

you are looking at an adult. Because if you give them an inch, they will

take a mile. And that you have to be consistent, etc. Well I think he's in

FOG or something.

Last week she needed food for the kids. I've been asking him for over a

week at that point to go grocery shopping because I can't due to my medical

issues at the moment. Well, when I had been asking, he kept blowing things

off. The minute she says she cant feed the kids, he jumps. First of all, I

think he should have just picked up the kids if she can't provide for them.

Secondly, when I tried to calmly talk to him about it, he got all kinds of

defensive and it started an argument. I was on my way out the door to

therapy and I was sooooooooo glad I had it that day after that. Next week

instead of individual sessions, we're doing a couple's session.

He does the kids' laundry. He told me it was something that he & his ex

agreed on a long time ago. I have never had a problem with it. So today

since we have the kids he is also doing their laundry. He comes up to me &

says, " She (his ex) slipped in some of her own underwear & bras. " I said,

" Why don't you take them out & put them aside to give back to her dirty " .

He said, " Well they got wet when they fell in with the other stuff in the

washer. So I'll just wash them this one time. "

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh he doesn't get it at all. I would have pulled those suckers

out of there so fast. And he COULD have, and I feel should have. He also

says with small stuff like this he needs to pick his battles. I don't think

he realizes that he's really not doing that. And maybe he's avoiding

confrontation with her & that uncomfortableness, but he's causing problems

with us. And now, I need to try and calmly tell him again how I feel about

this... and then he'll get defensive & angry & it will cause a battle

between us.

The difference is I won't explode at him. But when I do tell him how I feel

he gets so bent out of shape & angry that it really only reinforces that

maybe I shouldn't open my big mouth in the first place.

I must admit, I'm half tempted to fold everything when it's dry. And...uh

oh... oopsie! Sorry fiance's ex... we didn't know your delicates were in

there and they got ruined. Oh darn.

Mia (who is feeling very evil right now)

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