Guest guest Posted December 27, 2010 Report Share Posted December 27, 2010 Hi , I enjoyed reading what you had to say. It is certainly a different take on our paths to healing. This part of your story really stood out to me: (you): " I do my best to take my stand, and trust that a non-condemning silence in the face of mom's attempts to hurt me... are the way I continue forward on a path of healing. This past year, has helped me to simply feel....the sorrow that I cannot include my mother in MY work, for it is she who is making choices to dig her own hole deeper. " Wow. I am wondering if you can touch deeper on healing through the endurance of pain. IN this case, the pain is your mom's attempts to hurt you. You mentioned of course you are doing this with the help of your faith. I haven't heard of this much in my 12-step programs, either. However, we do say the serenity prayer. Would you say the problem people in your life are like " gifts " so to speak because they allow you to practice serenity or something? Also, you mentioned that it has helped you to feel (do you mean the sorrow you feel when you interact with your mom?) Joy > > > I am slowly returning to my recovery path, even as I wonder how I will do it differently or more completely on this new spiral that challenges me. Thank God I have freedom to choose. .... I have the gift of being able to rely on a Higher Power's help with any and every problem that comes along. > > There is no way I can eliminate all problems from my life. I have a few familiar difficulties with which I must live and the only real answer I have to these difficulties is to act by seeking serenity IN ME to accept the things I cannot change. > > Serenity is always available to me, but it is my job to seek it where it can be found. My best example right now is my relationship with my nada. My nada is not doing responsible communication with me, she is sparring with me and pointing out how I am responsible for our estrangement. She even told me that I had gone away from the family faith. Mostly I just listened. I've had a person in one of my 12-step groups advise me that I should disconnect my phone, make it unlisted. Any of these actions I take against her.... changing my phone number, not answering the phone... have consequences for me. I just see that those actions are reactions, and that complicate my life further, and leave me feeling like I am cutting off my nose to spite my face. Others here may find it important to take those steps. I chose to answer two phone calls in the past few weeks, that turned out to be her unlisted number. I could have ignored her calls, but I made the decision to take the calls. If I simply take the phone when I have courage (remembering that courage is fear that has said its prayers)....then I am immediately protected from harm. I pray during my entire conversation to keep my cool, my sense of humor... and then when the conversation is over and my mom has hung up the phone, I say a prayer that I will endure and not carry this harm into my family. I know my family would be fine with me NOT answering the calls. I am glad that I am able to lightly hold the reins and, for now, take the simple action of acceptance. > > This acceptance may sound like the act of condoning poor behaviour. I humbly hold onto a simple truth, that I can accept the fact that my mom is not going to heal our relationship, but that I can take a quiet stand against further damage. > > I take the unsolved mysteries that my problem people try to lay at my feet... to my Higher Power. The solutions and the time table for resolution are up to Him. > > My job is to remain strong in my faith. For me, faith is a quiet place that allows me to feel a whole range of emotions, and allows me to remain still. I do my best to take my stand, and trust that a non-condemning silence in the face of mom's attempts to hurt me... are the way I continue forward on a path of healing. This past year, has helped me to simply feel....the sorrow that I cannot include my mother in MY work, for it is she who is making choices to dig her own hole deeper. I used to use sarcasm in my dealings with her, but sharp wit is no comfort and it only serves to keep me embattled. Now I surrender her up to her OWN concept of an HP. My HP is busy holding me close and helping ME heal. The only battle my mom can do is with herself... and the only healing she can count on is the healing she initiates, using the understanding of a loving HP that she has developed. > > Biggest sorrow for me, is that I can do nothing but witness, speak in mild tones and let her go. I can live with that sorrow, knowing that I have other important work to do, in taking care of my immediate family. Let me today take time for compassion... for myself... and for my problem people. My road and their road can be rocky and full of ruts, and cracking whips on these rough stretches of road will only render me injured and in pain. I need to let my path separate from theirs and let go of my guilt (misplaced responsibility).... > > I also have done some soul-searching and am also willing to tell my mom off if I feel like that will help me in achieving my goals. But again, I am trying to put inner peace first...and let restraint guide my words and actions. It is tough sometimes to know that I am doing the right thing, and I know that others here will wonder too, if this is right action. > > Best, > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 27, 2010 Report Share Posted December 27, 2010 Hi , I enjoyed reading what you had to say. It is certainly a different take on our paths to healing. This part of your story really stood out to me: (you): " I do my best to take my stand, and trust that a non-condemning silence in the face of mom's attempts to hurt me... are the way I continue forward on a path of healing. This past year, has helped me to simply feel....the sorrow that I cannot include my mother in MY work, for it is she who is making choices to dig her own hole deeper. " Wow. I am wondering if you can touch deeper on healing through the endurance of pain. IN this case, the pain is your mom's attempts to hurt you. You mentioned of course you are doing this with the help of your faith. I haven't heard of this much in my 12-step programs, either. However, we do say the serenity prayer. Would you say the problem people in your life are like " gifts " so to speak because they allow you to practice serenity or something? Also, you mentioned that it has helped you to feel (do you mean the sorrow you feel when you interact with your mom?) Joy > > > I am slowly returning to my recovery path, even as I wonder how I will do it differently or more completely on this new spiral that challenges me. Thank God I have freedom to choose. .... I have the gift of being able to rely on a Higher Power's help with any and every problem that comes along. > > There is no way I can eliminate all problems from my life. I have a few familiar difficulties with which I must live and the only real answer I have to these difficulties is to act by seeking serenity IN ME to accept the things I cannot change. > > Serenity is always available to me, but it is my job to seek it where it can be found. My best example right now is my relationship with my nada. My nada is not doing responsible communication with me, she is sparring with me and pointing out how I am responsible for our estrangement. She even told me that I had gone away from the family faith. Mostly I just listened. I've had a person in one of my 12-step groups advise me that I should disconnect my phone, make it unlisted. Any of these actions I take against her.... changing my phone number, not answering the phone... have consequences for me. I just see that those actions are reactions, and that complicate my life further, and leave me feeling like I am cutting off my nose to spite my face. Others here may find it important to take those steps. I chose to answer two phone calls in the past few weeks, that turned out to be her unlisted number. I could have ignored her calls, but I made the decision to take the calls. If I simply take the phone when I have courage (remembering that courage is fear that has said its prayers)....then I am immediately protected from harm. I pray during my entire conversation to keep my cool, my sense of humor... and then when the conversation is over and my mom has hung up the phone, I say a prayer that I will endure and not carry this harm into my family. I know my family would be fine with me NOT answering the calls. I am glad that I am able to lightly hold the reins and, for now, take the simple action of acceptance. > > This acceptance may sound like the act of condoning poor behaviour. I humbly hold onto a simple truth, that I can accept the fact that my mom is not going to heal our relationship, but that I can take a quiet stand against further damage. > > I take the unsolved mysteries that my problem people try to lay at my feet... to my Higher Power. The solutions and the time table for resolution are up to Him. > > My job is to remain strong in my faith. For me, faith is a quiet place that allows me to feel a whole range of emotions, and allows me to remain still. I do my best to take my stand, and trust that a non-condemning silence in the face of mom's attempts to hurt me... are the way I continue forward on a path of healing. This past year, has helped me to simply feel....the sorrow that I cannot include my mother in MY work, for it is she who is making choices to dig her own hole deeper. I used to use sarcasm in my dealings with her, but sharp wit is no comfort and it only serves to keep me embattled. Now I surrender her up to her OWN concept of an HP. My HP is busy holding me close and helping ME heal. The only battle my mom can do is with herself... and the only healing she can count on is the healing she initiates, using the understanding of a loving HP that she has developed. > > Biggest sorrow for me, is that I can do nothing but witness, speak in mild tones and let her go. I can live with that sorrow, knowing that I have other important work to do, in taking care of my immediate family. Let me today take time for compassion... for myself... and for my problem people. My road and their road can be rocky and full of ruts, and cracking whips on these rough stretches of road will only render me injured and in pain. I need to let my path separate from theirs and let go of my guilt (misplaced responsibility).... > > I also have done some soul-searching and am also willing to tell my mom off if I feel like that will help me in achieving my goals. But again, I am trying to put inner peace first...and let restraint guide my words and actions. It is tough sometimes to know that I am doing the right thing, and I know that others here will wonder too, if this is right action. > > Best, > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 27, 2010 Report Share Posted December 27, 2010 Hi , I enjoyed reading what you had to say. It is certainly a different take on our paths to healing. This part of your story really stood out to me: (you): " I do my best to take my stand, and trust that a non-condemning silence in the face of mom's attempts to hurt me... are the way I continue forward on a path of healing. This past year, has helped me to simply feel....the sorrow that I cannot include my mother in MY work, for it is she who is making choices to dig her own hole deeper. " Wow. I am wondering if you can touch deeper on healing through the endurance of pain. IN this case, the pain is your mom's attempts to hurt you. You mentioned of course you are doing this with the help of your faith. I haven't heard of this much in my 12-step programs, either. However, we do say the serenity prayer. Would you say the problem people in your life are like " gifts " so to speak because they allow you to practice serenity or something? Also, you mentioned that it has helped you to feel (do you mean the sorrow you feel when you interact with your mom?) Joy > > > I am slowly returning to my recovery path, even as I wonder how I will do it differently or more completely on this new spiral that challenges me. Thank God I have freedom to choose. .... I have the gift of being able to rely on a Higher Power's help with any and every problem that comes along. > > There is no way I can eliminate all problems from my life. I have a few familiar difficulties with which I must live and the only real answer I have to these difficulties is to act by seeking serenity IN ME to accept the things I cannot change. > > Serenity is always available to me, but it is my job to seek it where it can be found. My best example right now is my relationship with my nada. My nada is not doing responsible communication with me, she is sparring with me and pointing out how I am responsible for our estrangement. She even told me that I had gone away from the family faith. Mostly I just listened. I've had a person in one of my 12-step groups advise me that I should disconnect my phone, make it unlisted. Any of these actions I take against her.... changing my phone number, not answering the phone... have consequences for me. I just see that those actions are reactions, and that complicate my life further, and leave me feeling like I am cutting off my nose to spite my face. Others here may find it important to take those steps. I chose to answer two phone calls in the past few weeks, that turned out to be her unlisted number. I could have ignored her calls, but I made the decision to take the calls. If I simply take the phone when I have courage (remembering that courage is fear that has said its prayers)....then I am immediately protected from harm. I pray during my entire conversation to keep my cool, my sense of humor... and then when the conversation is over and my mom has hung up the phone, I say a prayer that I will endure and not carry this harm into my family. I know my family would be fine with me NOT answering the calls. I am glad that I am able to lightly hold the reins and, for now, take the simple action of acceptance. > > This acceptance may sound like the act of condoning poor behaviour. I humbly hold onto a simple truth, that I can accept the fact that my mom is not going to heal our relationship, but that I can take a quiet stand against further damage. > > I take the unsolved mysteries that my problem people try to lay at my feet... to my Higher Power. The solutions and the time table for resolution are up to Him. > > My job is to remain strong in my faith. For me, faith is a quiet place that allows me to feel a whole range of emotions, and allows me to remain still. I do my best to take my stand, and trust that a non-condemning silence in the face of mom's attempts to hurt me... are the way I continue forward on a path of healing. This past year, has helped me to simply feel....the sorrow that I cannot include my mother in MY work, for it is she who is making choices to dig her own hole deeper. I used to use sarcasm in my dealings with her, but sharp wit is no comfort and it only serves to keep me embattled. Now I surrender her up to her OWN concept of an HP. My HP is busy holding me close and helping ME heal. The only battle my mom can do is with herself... and the only healing she can count on is the healing she initiates, using the understanding of a loving HP that she has developed. > > Biggest sorrow for me, is that I can do nothing but witness, speak in mild tones and let her go. I can live with that sorrow, knowing that I have other important work to do, in taking care of my immediate family. Let me today take time for compassion... for myself... and for my problem people. My road and their road can be rocky and full of ruts, and cracking whips on these rough stretches of road will only render me injured and in pain. I need to let my path separate from theirs and let go of my guilt (misplaced responsibility).... > > I also have done some soul-searching and am also willing to tell my mom off if I feel like that will help me in achieving my goals. But again, I am trying to put inner peace first...and let restraint guide my words and actions. It is tough sometimes to know that I am doing the right thing, and I know that others here will wonder too, if this is right action. > > Best, > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 28, 2010 Report Share Posted December 28, 2010 Joy...please see my website ThePASS.me ............ let me know what you think. Amy Re: Interesting.... Hi , I enjoyed reading what you had to say. It is certainly a different take on our paths to healing. This part of your story really stood out to me: (you): " I do my best to take my stand, and trust that a non-condemning silence in the face of mom's attempts to hurt me... are the way I continue forward on a path of healing. This past year, has helped me to simply feel....the sorrow that I cannot include my mother in MY work, for it is she who is making choices to dig her own hole deeper. " Wow. I am wondering if you can touch deeper on healing through the endurance of pain. IN this case, the pain is your mom's attempts to hurt you. You mentioned of course you are doing this with the help of your faith. I haven't heard of this much in my 12-step programs, either. However, we do say the serenity prayer. Would you say the problem people in your life are like " gifts " so to speak because they allow you to practice serenity or something? Also, you mentioned that it has helped you to feel (do you mean the sorrow you feel when you interact with your mom?) Joy > > > I am slowly returning to my recovery path, even as I wonder how I will do it differently or more completely on this new spiral that challenges me. Thank God I have freedom to choose. .... I have the gift of being able to rely on a Higher Power's help with any and every problem that comes along. > > There is no way I can eliminate all problems from my life. I have a few familiar difficulties with which I must live and the only real answer I have to these difficulties is to act by seeking serenity IN ME to accept the things I cannot change. > > Serenity is always available to me, but it is my job to seek it where it can be found. My best example right now is my relationship with my nada. My nada is not doing responsible communication with me, she is sparring with me and pointing out how I am responsible for our estrangement. She even told me that I had gone away from the family faith. Mostly I just listened. I've had a person in one of my 12-step groups advise me that I should disconnect my phone, make it unlisted. Any of these actions I take against her.... changing my phone number, not answering the phone... have consequences for me. I just see that those actions are reactions, and that complicate my life further, and leave me feeling like I am cutting off my nose to spite my face. Others here may find it important to take those steps. I chose to answer two phone calls in the past few weeks, that turned out to be her unlisted number. I could have ignored her calls, but I made the decision to take the ca lls. If I simply take the phone when I have courage (remembering that courage is fear that has said its prayers)....then I am immediately protected from harm. I pray during my entire conversation to keep my cool, my sense of humor... and then when the conversation is over and my mom has hung up the phone, I say a prayer that I will endure and not carry this harm into my family. I know my family would be fine with me NOT answering the calls. I am glad that I am able to lightly hold the reins and, for now, take the simple action of acceptance. > > This acceptance may sound like the act of condoning poor behaviour. I humbly hold onto a simple truth, that I can accept the fact that my mom is not going to heal our relationship, but that I can take a quiet stand against further damage. > > I take the unsolved mysteries that my problem people try to lay at my feet... to my Higher Power. The solutions and the time table for resolution are up to Him. > > My job is to remain strong in my faith. For me, faith is a quiet place that allows me to feel a whole range of emotions, and allows me to remain still. I do my best to take my stand, and trust that a non-condemning silence in the face of mom's attempts to hurt me... are the way I continue forward on a path of healing. This past year, has helped me to simply feel....the sorrow that I cannot include my mother in MY work, for it is she who is making choices to dig her own hole deeper. I used to use sarcasm in my dealings with her, but sharp wit is no comfort and it only serves to keep me embattled. Now I surrender her up to her OWN concept of an HP. My HP is busy holding me close and helping ME heal. The only battle my mom can do is with herself... and the only healing she can count on is the healing she initiates, using the understanding of a loving HP that she has developed. > > Biggest sorrow for me, is that I can do nothing but witness, speak in mild tones and let her go. I can live with that sorrow, knowing that I have other important work to do, in taking care of my immediate family. Let me today take time for compassion... for myself... and for my problem people. My road and their road can be rocky and full of ruts, and cracking whips on these rough stretches of road will only render me injured and in pain. I need to let my path separate from theirs and let go of my guilt (misplaced responsibility).... > > I also have done some soul-searching and am also willing to tell my mom off if I feel like that will help me in achieving my goals. But again, I am trying to put inner peace first...and let restraint guide my words and actions. It is tough sometimes to know that I am doing the right thing, and I know that others here will wonder too, if this is right action. > > Best, > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 28, 2010 Report Share Posted December 28, 2010 Joy...please see my website ThePASS.me ............ let me know what you think. Amy Re: Interesting.... Hi , I enjoyed reading what you had to say. It is certainly a different take on our paths to healing. This part of your story really stood out to me: (you): " I do my best to take my stand, and trust that a non-condemning silence in the face of mom's attempts to hurt me... are the way I continue forward on a path of healing. This past year, has helped me to simply feel....the sorrow that I cannot include my mother in MY work, for it is she who is making choices to dig her own hole deeper. " Wow. I am wondering if you can touch deeper on healing through the endurance of pain. IN this case, the pain is your mom's attempts to hurt you. You mentioned of course you are doing this with the help of your faith. I haven't heard of this much in my 12-step programs, either. However, we do say the serenity prayer. Would you say the problem people in your life are like " gifts " so to speak because they allow you to practice serenity or something? Also, you mentioned that it has helped you to feel (do you mean the sorrow you feel when you interact with your mom?) Joy > > > I am slowly returning to my recovery path, even as I wonder how I will do it differently or more completely on this new spiral that challenges me. Thank God I have freedom to choose. .... I have the gift of being able to rely on a Higher Power's help with any and every problem that comes along. > > There is no way I can eliminate all problems from my life. I have a few familiar difficulties with which I must live and the only real answer I have to these difficulties is to act by seeking serenity IN ME to accept the things I cannot change. > > Serenity is always available to me, but it is my job to seek it where it can be found. My best example right now is my relationship with my nada. My nada is not doing responsible communication with me, she is sparring with me and pointing out how I am responsible for our estrangement. She even told me that I had gone away from the family faith. Mostly I just listened. I've had a person in one of my 12-step groups advise me that I should disconnect my phone, make it unlisted. Any of these actions I take against her.... changing my phone number, not answering the phone... have consequences for me. I just see that those actions are reactions, and that complicate my life further, and leave me feeling like I am cutting off my nose to spite my face. Others here may find it important to take those steps. I chose to answer two phone calls in the past few weeks, that turned out to be her unlisted number. I could have ignored her calls, but I made the decision to take the ca lls. If I simply take the phone when I have courage (remembering that courage is fear that has said its prayers)....then I am immediately protected from harm. I pray during my entire conversation to keep my cool, my sense of humor... and then when the conversation is over and my mom has hung up the phone, I say a prayer that I will endure and not carry this harm into my family. I know my family would be fine with me NOT answering the calls. I am glad that I am able to lightly hold the reins and, for now, take the simple action of acceptance. > > This acceptance may sound like the act of condoning poor behaviour. I humbly hold onto a simple truth, that I can accept the fact that my mom is not going to heal our relationship, but that I can take a quiet stand against further damage. > > I take the unsolved mysteries that my problem people try to lay at my feet... to my Higher Power. The solutions and the time table for resolution are up to Him. > > My job is to remain strong in my faith. For me, faith is a quiet place that allows me to feel a whole range of emotions, and allows me to remain still. I do my best to take my stand, and trust that a non-condemning silence in the face of mom's attempts to hurt me... are the way I continue forward on a path of healing. This past year, has helped me to simply feel....the sorrow that I cannot include my mother in MY work, for it is she who is making choices to dig her own hole deeper. I used to use sarcasm in my dealings with her, but sharp wit is no comfort and it only serves to keep me embattled. Now I surrender her up to her OWN concept of an HP. My HP is busy holding me close and helping ME heal. The only battle my mom can do is with herself... and the only healing she can count on is the healing she initiates, using the understanding of a loving HP that she has developed. > > Biggest sorrow for me, is that I can do nothing but witness, speak in mild tones and let her go. I can live with that sorrow, knowing that I have other important work to do, in taking care of my immediate family. Let me today take time for compassion... for myself... and for my problem people. My road and their road can be rocky and full of ruts, and cracking whips on these rough stretches of road will only render me injured and in pain. I need to let my path separate from theirs and let go of my guilt (misplaced responsibility).... > > I also have done some soul-searching and am also willing to tell my mom off if I feel like that will help me in achieving my goals. But again, I am trying to put inner peace first...and let restraint guide my words and actions. It is tough sometimes to know that I am doing the right thing, and I know that others here will wonder too, if this is right action. > > Best, > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 28, 2010 Report Share Posted December 28, 2010 Joy...please see my website ThePASS.me ............ let me know what you think. Amy Re: Interesting.... Hi , I enjoyed reading what you had to say. It is certainly a different take on our paths to healing. This part of your story really stood out to me: (you): " I do my best to take my stand, and trust that a non-condemning silence in the face of mom's attempts to hurt me... are the way I continue forward on a path of healing. This past year, has helped me to simply feel....the sorrow that I cannot include my mother in MY work, for it is she who is making choices to dig her own hole deeper. " Wow. I am wondering if you can touch deeper on healing through the endurance of pain. IN this case, the pain is your mom's attempts to hurt you. You mentioned of course you are doing this with the help of your faith. I haven't heard of this much in my 12-step programs, either. However, we do say the serenity prayer. Would you say the problem people in your life are like " gifts " so to speak because they allow you to practice serenity or something? Also, you mentioned that it has helped you to feel (do you mean the sorrow you feel when you interact with your mom?) Joy > > > I am slowly returning to my recovery path, even as I wonder how I will do it differently or more completely on this new spiral that challenges me. Thank God I have freedom to choose. .... I have the gift of being able to rely on a Higher Power's help with any and every problem that comes along. > > There is no way I can eliminate all problems from my life. I have a few familiar difficulties with which I must live and the only real answer I have to these difficulties is to act by seeking serenity IN ME to accept the things I cannot change. > > Serenity is always available to me, but it is my job to seek it where it can be found. My best example right now is my relationship with my nada. My nada is not doing responsible communication with me, she is sparring with me and pointing out how I am responsible for our estrangement. She even told me that I had gone away from the family faith. Mostly I just listened. I've had a person in one of my 12-step groups advise me that I should disconnect my phone, make it unlisted. Any of these actions I take against her.... changing my phone number, not answering the phone... have consequences for me. I just see that those actions are reactions, and that complicate my life further, and leave me feeling like I am cutting off my nose to spite my face. Others here may find it important to take those steps. I chose to answer two phone calls in the past few weeks, that turned out to be her unlisted number. I could have ignored her calls, but I made the decision to take the ca lls. If I simply take the phone when I have courage (remembering that courage is fear that has said its prayers)....then I am immediately protected from harm. I pray during my entire conversation to keep my cool, my sense of humor... and then when the conversation is over and my mom has hung up the phone, I say a prayer that I will endure and not carry this harm into my family. I know my family would be fine with me NOT answering the calls. I am glad that I am able to lightly hold the reins and, for now, take the simple action of acceptance. > > This acceptance may sound like the act of condoning poor behaviour. I humbly hold onto a simple truth, that I can accept the fact that my mom is not going to heal our relationship, but that I can take a quiet stand against further damage. > > I take the unsolved mysteries that my problem people try to lay at my feet... to my Higher Power. The solutions and the time table for resolution are up to Him. > > My job is to remain strong in my faith. For me, faith is a quiet place that allows me to feel a whole range of emotions, and allows me to remain still. I do my best to take my stand, and trust that a non-condemning silence in the face of mom's attempts to hurt me... are the way I continue forward on a path of healing. This past year, has helped me to simply feel....the sorrow that I cannot include my mother in MY work, for it is she who is making choices to dig her own hole deeper. I used to use sarcasm in my dealings with her, but sharp wit is no comfort and it only serves to keep me embattled. Now I surrender her up to her OWN concept of an HP. My HP is busy holding me close and helping ME heal. The only battle my mom can do is with herself... and the only healing she can count on is the healing she initiates, using the understanding of a loving HP that she has developed. > > Biggest sorrow for me, is that I can do nothing but witness, speak in mild tones and let her go. I can live with that sorrow, knowing that I have other important work to do, in taking care of my immediate family. Let me today take time for compassion... for myself... and for my problem people. My road and their road can be rocky and full of ruts, and cracking whips on these rough stretches of road will only render me injured and in pain. I need to let my path separate from theirs and let go of my guilt (misplaced responsibility).... > > I also have done some soul-searching and am also willing to tell my mom off if I feel like that will help me in achieving my goals. But again, I am trying to put inner peace first...and let restraint guide my words and actions. It is tough sometimes to know that I am doing the right thing, and I know that others here will wonder too, if this is right action. > > Best, > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 28, 2010 Report Share Posted December 28, 2010 Hi, Amy! Okay, will do. Joy > > > > > > I am slowly returning to my recovery path, even as I wonder how I will do it differently or more completely on this new spiral that challenges me. Thank God I have freedom to choose. .... I have the gift of being able to rely on a Higher Power's help with any and every problem that comes along. > > > > There is no way I can eliminate all problems from my life. I have a few familiar difficulties with which I must live and the only real answer I have to these difficulties is to act by seeking serenity IN ME to accept the things I cannot change. > > > > Serenity is always available to me, but it is my job to seek it where it can be found. My best example right now is my relationship with my nada. My nada is not doing responsible communication with me, she is sparring with me and pointing out how I am responsible for our estrangement. She even told me that I had gone away from the family faith. Mostly I just listened. I've had a person in one of my 12-step groups advise me that I should disconnect my phone, make it unlisted. Any of these actions I take against her.... changing my phone number, not answering the phone... have consequences for me. I just see that those actions are reactions, and that complicate my life further, and leave me feeling like I am cutting off my nose to spite my face. Others here may find it important to take those steps. I chose to answer two phone calls in the past few weeks, that turned out to be her unlisted number. I could have ignored her calls, but I made the decision to take the ca lls. If I simply take the phone when I have courage (remembering that courage is fear that has said its prayers)....then I am immediately protected from harm. I pray during my entire conversation to keep my cool, my sense of humor... and then when the conversation is over and my mom has hung up the phone, I say a prayer that I will endure and not carry this harm into my family. I know my family would be fine with me NOT answering the calls. I am glad that I am able to lightly hold the reins and, for now, take the simple action of acceptance. > > > > This acceptance may sound like the act of condoning poor behaviour. I humbly hold onto a simple truth, that I can accept the fact that my mom is not going to heal our relationship, but that I can take a quiet stand against further damage. > > > > I take the unsolved mysteries that my problem people try to lay at my feet... to my Higher Power. The solutions and the time table for resolution are up to Him. > > > > My job is to remain strong in my faith. For me, faith is a quiet place that allows me to feel a whole range of emotions, and allows me to remain still. I do my best to take my stand, and trust that a non-condemning silence in the face of mom's attempts to hurt me... are the way I continue forward on a path of healing. This past year, has helped me to simply feel....the sorrow that I cannot include my mother in MY work, for it is she who is making choices to dig her own hole deeper. I used to use sarcasm in my dealings with her, but sharp wit is no comfort and it only serves to keep me embattled. Now I surrender her up to her OWN concept of an HP. My HP is busy holding me close and helping ME heal. The only battle my mom can do is with herself... and the only healing she can count on is the healing she initiates, using the understanding of a loving HP that she has developed. > > > > Biggest sorrow for me, is that I can do nothing but witness, speak in mild tones and let her go. I can live with that sorrow, knowing that I have other important work to do, in taking care of my immediate family. Let me today take time for compassion... for myself... and for my problem people. My road and their road can be rocky and full of ruts, and cracking whips on these rough stretches of road will only render me injured and in pain. I need to let my path separate from theirs and let go of my guilt (misplaced responsibility).... > > > > I also have done some soul-searching and am also willing to tell my mom off if I feel like that will help me in achieving my goals. But again, I am trying to put inner peace first...and let restraint guide my words and actions. It is tough sometimes to know that I am doing the right thing, and I know that others here will wonder too, if this is right action. > > > > Best, > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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