Re: Re: Should I call her tomorrow?

[Guest guest]

My mom used to threaten me with losing my whole family if I didn't live my life

and my decisions the way she dictated.

So, the threatened loss of my family has always been the big danger in my life.

So, now that her BPD has destroyed all ties to people in our family, I don't

have that threatened family.

My mom was watching my wedding video yesterday and she told me how great it was

to see all of the aunts, cousins, etc ( that no longer have any contact with us.

)

Very eerie to hear her talk about these family members when they were really

used as weapons against me.

Amy

Re: Should I call her tomorrow?

Well, surprise, surprise, she called me. She called while I was running, so she

left a message. And after contemplating it for a minute, I decided to call her

back. She answers the phone all cheerful " Happy New Year! " and starts to ask how

things are going, etc. I'm just stunned. Completely speechless. I didn't really

say much to her, except to thank her again for the hat she bought me for

Christmas and that everyone tells me it's great. (I didn't want to be completely

closed off with her, although maybe that's a mistake too, I'm so confused I

don't know anymore.)

I'm just taking it one day at a time now. Having this place to come to and share

definitely makes it a lot easier.

Thank you all for listening.

>

> >

> >

> > I'm new here. I posted a short version of my history with my mother (I

> > don't refer to her to a nada yet, she's very high-functioning and, thank

> > goodness, I haven't had quite the severity of issues that others have had).

> > Anyways, she lashed out in a violent rage and completely ruined Christmas

> > when I went to visit her last week. She knows I sacrificed a lot to travel

> > cross country and take off an entire week to see her, but that didn't seem

> > to matter. When I left, I had not spoken more than two words to her. I asked

> > her not to accompany me to the airport because I needed the ride to be

> > peaceful and relaxed, since no part of my " vacation " had been that way.

> >

> > Other than comments on Facebook that seem to communicate she thinks

> > everything is just fine and dandy, I have had no contact with her since

> > returning. Our relationship has been very LC due to the residency

> > difference. She lives in the Southeast, and I live on the West coast.

> >

> > I'm new to understanding BPD, and it's really shedding light on a lot of my

> > childhood and helping me understand my mother and why she has behaved the

> > way she has in the past. But she doesn't think she has a problem, and I'm

> > still very angry with her behavior during my visit. I usually call on

> > holidays, and I don't know if I should call her tomorrow. I just don't know

> > what I would say. But I suppose if I called just to say Happy New Year, that

> > might be alright. I just don't know. I love my mother--she clearly needs

> > help and has her problems and traumas to overcome--but she really is a good

> > person and loves me.

> >

> > I would appreciate any thoughts or anecdotes on how others have dealt with

> > this.

> >

> > Thanks.

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi, I'd set some facebook limits. Maybe you don't want to defriend her, but

you could assign her to a group for special " BPD people " so she has limited

access to your life. I can't imagine having a relationship with my Nada on

Facebook. It woudl be " poor me " I'm such a victim and then fake making nice

for her audience to see. Gives me the creeps. And I'm a facebook lover - but

no nadas on my page. My nada I'm sure couldn't do the technology, but I've

blocked everyone I've seen on there from that part of my past.

>

>

> My mom used to threaten me with losing my whole family if I didn't live my

> life and my decisions the way she dictated.

>

> So, the threatened loss of my family has always been the big danger in my

> life.

>

> So, now that her BPD has destroyed all ties to people in our family, I

> don't have that threatened family.

>

> My mom was watching my wedding video yesterday and she told me how great it

> was to see all of the aunts, cousins, etc ( that no longer have any contact

> with us. )

>

> Very eerie to hear her talk about these family members when they were

> really used as weapons against me.

>

> Amy

>

>

> Re: Should I call her tomorrow?

>

> Well, surprise, surprise, she called me. She called while I was running, so

> she left a message. And after contemplating it for a minute, I decided to

> call her back. She answers the phone all cheerful " Happy New Year! " and

> starts to ask how things are going, etc. I'm just stunned. Completely

> speechless. I didn't really say much to her, except to thank her again for

> the hat she bought me for Christmas and that everyone tells me it's great.

> (I didn't want to be completely closed off with her, although maybe that's a

> mistake too, I'm so confused I don't know anymore.)

>

> I'm just taking it one day at a time now. Having this place to come to and

> share definitely makes it a lot easier.

>

> Thank you all for listening.

>

>

>

> >

> > >

> > >

> > > I'm new here. I posted a short version of my history with my mother (I

> > > don't refer to her to a nada yet, she's very high-functioning and,

> thank

> > > goodness, I haven't had quite the severity of issues that others have

> had).

> > > Anyways, she lashed out in a violent rage and completely ruined

> Christmas

> > > when I went to visit her last week. She knows I sacrificed a lot to

> travel

> > > cross country and take off an entire week to see her, but that didn't

> seem

> > > to matter. When I left, I had not spoken more than two words to her. I

> asked

> > > her not to accompany me to the airport because I needed the ride to be

> > > peaceful and relaxed, since no part of my " vacation " had been that way.

> > >

> > > Other than comments on Facebook that seem to communicate she thinks

> > > everything is just fine and dandy, I have had no contact with her since

> > > returning. Our relationship has been very LC due to the residency

> > > difference. She lives in the Southeast, and I live on the West coast.

> > >

> > > I'm new to understanding BPD, and it's really shedding light on a lot

> of my

> > > childhood and helping me understand my mother and why she has behaved

> the

> > > way she has in the past. But she doesn't think she has a problem, and

> I'm

> > > still very angry with her behavior during my visit. I usually call on

> > > holidays, and I don't know if I should call her tomorrow. I just don't

> know

> > > what I would say. But I suppose if I called just to say Happy New Year,

> that

> > > might be alright. I just don't know. I love my mother--she clearly

> needs

> > > help and has her problems and traumas to overcome--but she really is a

> good

> > > person and loves me.

> > >

> > > I would appreciate any thoughts or anecdotes on how others have dealt

> with

> > > this.

> > >

> > > Thanks.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Hi, I'd set some facebook limits. Maybe you don't want to defriend her, but

you could assign her to a group for special " BPD people " so she has limited

access to your life. I can't imagine having a relationship with my Nada on

Facebook. It woudl be " poor me " I'm such a victim and then fake making nice

for her audience to see. Gives me the creeps. And I'm a facebook lover - but

no nadas on my page. My nada I'm sure couldn't do the technology, but I've

blocked everyone I've seen on there from that part of my past.

>

>

> My mom used to threaten me with losing my whole family if I didn't live my

> life and my decisions the way she dictated.

>

> So, the threatened loss of my family has always been the big danger in my

> life.

>

> So, now that her BPD has destroyed all ties to people in our family, I

> don't have that threatened family.

>

> My mom was watching my wedding video yesterday and she told me how great it

> was to see all of the aunts, cousins, etc ( that no longer have any contact

> with us. )

>

> Very eerie to hear her talk about these family members when they were

> really used as weapons against me.

>

> Amy

>

>

> Re: Should I call her tomorrow?

>

> Well, surprise, surprise, she called me. She called while I was running, so

> she left a message. And after contemplating it for a minute, I decided to

> call her back. She answers the phone all cheerful " Happy New Year! " and

> starts to ask how things are going, etc. I'm just stunned. Completely

> speechless. I didn't really say much to her, except to thank her again for

> the hat she bought me for Christmas and that everyone tells me it's great.

> (I didn't want to be completely closed off with her, although maybe that's a

> mistake too, I'm so confused I don't know anymore.)

>

> I'm just taking it one day at a time now. Having this place to come to and

> share definitely makes it a lot easier.

>

> Thank you all for listening.

>

>

>

> >

> > >

> > >

> > > I'm new here. I posted a short version of my history with my mother (I

> > > don't refer to her to a nada yet, she's very high-functioning and,

> thank

> > > goodness, I haven't had quite the severity of issues that others have

> had).

> > > Anyways, she lashed out in a violent rage and completely ruined

> Christmas

> > > when I went to visit her last week. She knows I sacrificed a lot to

> travel

> > > cross country and take off an entire week to see her, but that didn't

> seem

> > > to matter. When I left, I had not spoken more than two words to her. I

> asked

> > > her not to accompany me to the airport because I needed the ride to be

> > > peaceful and relaxed, since no part of my " vacation " had been that way.

> > >

> > > Other than comments on Facebook that seem to communicate she thinks

> > > everything is just fine and dandy, I have had no contact with her since

> > > returning. Our relationship has been very LC due to the residency

> > > difference. She lives in the Southeast, and I live on the West coast.

> > >

> > > I'm new to understanding BPD, and it's really shedding light on a lot

> of my

> > > childhood and helping me understand my mother and why she has behaved

> the

> > > way she has in the past. But she doesn't think she has a problem, and

> I'm

> > > still very angry with her behavior during my visit. I usually call on

> > > holidays, and I don't know if I should call her tomorrow. I just don't

> know

> > > what I would say. But I suppose if I called just to say Happy New Year,

> that

> > > might be alright. I just don't know. I love my mother--she clearly

> needs

> > > help and has her problems and traumas to overcome--but she really is a

> good

> > > person and loves me.

> > >

> > > I would appreciate any thoughts or anecdotes on how others have dealt

> with

> > > this.

> > >

> > > Thanks.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Before I went NC with nada I had her on facebook. There was a song that came

out that was pretty popular that I liked and it was stuck in my head (and in

some ways it is suiting to my life!) It's called " Second Chance " by

Shinedown.

Now, sometimes when I get a song stuck in my head I'll just post some of the

lyrics on facebook... so I posted

" Tell my mother,

Tell my father

I've done the best I can

To make them realize

This is my life

I hope they understand

I'm not angry, I'm just saying...

Sometimes goodbye

Is a second chance "

Oh she took that so personally and then started ranting & raving how

ungrateful I was & all kinds of crap on her FB. Funny thing is, I wasn't

even thinking so much about how the song related to my life... I just like

the song & it was stuck in my head! I actually laughed about it at the

time. Strangely enough, not long after is when I went through my divorce &

went NC with nada.

Suiting song, I think! And yeah, having nadas on facebook is a bad idea! I

like the idea of a special group just for her so you can limit what she

actually sees. That's just brilliant! Great thought, Girlscout!

Mia

On Mon, Jan 3, 2011 at 6:23 PM, Girlscout Cowboy <girlscout.cowboy@...

> wrote:

> Hi, I'd set some facebook limits. Maybe you don't want to defriend her, but

> you could assign her to a group for special " BPD people " so she has limited

> access to your life. I can't imagine having a relationship with my Nada on

> Facebook. It woudl be " poor me " I'm such a victim and then fake making nice

> for her audience to see. Gives me the creeps. And I'm a facebook lover -

> but

> no nadas on my page. My nada I'm sure couldn't do the technology, but I've

> blocked everyone I've seen on there from that part of my past.

>

>

>

> >

> >

> > My mom used to threaten me with losing my whole family if I didn't live

> my

> > life and my decisions the way she dictated.

> >

> > So, the threatened loss of my family has always been the big danger in my

> > life.

> >

> > So, now that her BPD has destroyed all ties to people in our family, I

> > don't have that threatened family.

> >

> > My mom was watching my wedding video yesterday and she told me how great

> it

> > was to see all of the aunts, cousins, etc ( that no longer have any

> contact

> > with us. )

> >

> > Very eerie to hear her talk about these family members when they were

> > really used as weapons against me.

> >

> > Amy

> >

> >

> > Re: Should I call her tomorrow?

> >

> > Well, surprise, surprise, she called me. She called while I was running,

> so

> > she left a message. And after contemplating it for a minute, I decided to

> > call her back. She answers the phone all cheerful " Happy New Year! " and

> > starts to ask how things are going, etc. I'm just stunned. Completely

> > speechless. I didn't really say much to her, except to thank her again

> for

> > the hat she bought me for Christmas and that everyone tells me it's

> great.

> > (I didn't want to be completely closed off with her, although maybe

> that's a

> > mistake too, I'm so confused I don't know anymore.)

> >

> > I'm just taking it one day at a time now. Having this place to come to

> and

> > share definitely makes it a lot easier.

> >

> > Thank you all for listening.

> >

> >

> >

> > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I'm new here. I posted a short version of my history with my mother

> (I

> > > > don't refer to her to a nada yet, she's very high-functioning and,

> > thank

> > > > goodness, I haven't had quite the severity of issues that others have

> > had).

> > > > Anyways, she lashed out in a violent rage and completely ruined

> > Christmas

> > > > when I went to visit her last week. She knows I sacrificed a lot to

> > travel

> > > > cross country and take off an entire week to see her, but that didn't

> > seem

> > > > to matter. When I left, I had not spoken more than two words to her.

> I

> > asked

> > > > her not to accompany me to the airport because I needed the ride to

> be

> > > > peaceful and relaxed, since no part of my " vacation " had been that

> way.

> > > >

> > > > Other than comments on Facebook that seem to communicate she thinks

> > > > everything is just fine and dandy, I have had no contact with her

> since

> > > > returning. Our relationship has been very LC due to the residency

> > > > difference. She lives in the Southeast, and I live on the West coast.

> > > >

> > > > I'm new to understanding BPD, and it's really shedding light on a lot

> > of my

> > > > childhood and helping me understand my mother and why she has behaved

> > the

> > > > way she has in the past. But she doesn't think she has a problem, and

> > I'm

> > > > still very angry with her behavior during my visit. I usually call on

> > > > holidays, and I don't know if I should call her tomorrow. I just

> don't

> > know

> > > > what I would say. But I suppose if I called just to say Happy New

> Year,

> > that

> > > > might be alright. I just don't know. I love my mother--she clearly

> > needs

> > > > help and has her problems and traumas to overcome--but she really is

> a

> > good

> > > > person and loves me.

> > > >

> > > > I would appreciate any thoughts or anecdotes on how others have dealt

> > with

> > > > this.

> > > >

> > > > Thanks.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Before I went NC with nada I had her on facebook. There was a song that came

out that was pretty popular that I liked and it was stuck in my head (and in

some ways it is suiting to my life!) It's called " Second Chance " by

Shinedown.

Now, sometimes when I get a song stuck in my head I'll just post some of the

lyrics on facebook... so I posted

" Tell my mother,

Tell my father

I've done the best I can

To make them realize

This is my life

I hope they understand

I'm not angry, I'm just saying...

Sometimes goodbye

Is a second chance "

Oh she took that so personally and then started ranting & raving how

ungrateful I was & all kinds of crap on her FB. Funny thing is, I wasn't

even thinking so much about how the song related to my life... I just like

the song & it was stuck in my head! I actually laughed about it at the

time. Strangely enough, not long after is when I went through my divorce &

went NC with nada.

Suiting song, I think! And yeah, having nadas on facebook is a bad idea! I

like the idea of a special group just for her so you can limit what she

actually sees. That's just brilliant! Great thought, Girlscout!

Mia

On Mon, Jan 3, 2011 at 6:23 PM, Girlscout Cowboy <girlscout.cowboy@...

> wrote:

> Hi, I'd set some facebook limits. Maybe you don't want to defriend her, but

> you could assign her to a group for special " BPD people " so she has limited

> access to your life. I can't imagine having a relationship with my Nada on

> Facebook. It woudl be " poor me " I'm such a victim and then fake making nice

> for her audience to see. Gives me the creeps. And I'm a facebook lover -

> but

> no nadas on my page. My nada I'm sure couldn't do the technology, but I've

> blocked everyone I've seen on there from that part of my past.

>

>

>

> >

> >

> > My mom used to threaten me with losing my whole family if I didn't live

> my

> > life and my decisions the way she dictated.

> >

> > So, the threatened loss of my family has always been the big danger in my

> > life.

> >

> > So, now that her BPD has destroyed all ties to people in our family, I

> > don't have that threatened family.

> >

> > My mom was watching my wedding video yesterday and she told me how great

> it

> > was to see all of the aunts, cousins, etc ( that no longer have any

> contact

> > with us. )

> >

> > Very eerie to hear her talk about these family members when they were

> > really used as weapons against me.

> >

> > Amy

> >

> >

> > Re: Should I call her tomorrow?

> >

> > Well, surprise, surprise, she called me. She called while I was running,

> so

> > she left a message. And after contemplating it for a minute, I decided to

> > call her back. She answers the phone all cheerful " Happy New Year! " and

> > starts to ask how things are going, etc. I'm just stunned. Completely

> > speechless. I didn't really say much to her, except to thank her again

> for

> > the hat she bought me for Christmas and that everyone tells me it's

> great.

> > (I didn't want to be completely closed off with her, although maybe

> that's a

> > mistake too, I'm so confused I don't know anymore.)

> >

> > I'm just taking it one day at a time now. Having this place to come to

> and

> > share definitely makes it a lot easier.

> >

> > Thank you all for listening.

> >

> >

> >

> > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I'm new here. I posted a short version of my history with my mother

> (I

> > > > don't refer to her to a nada yet, she's very high-functioning and,

> > thank

> > > > goodness, I haven't had quite the severity of issues that others have

> > had).

> > > > Anyways, she lashed out in a violent rage and completely ruined

> > Christmas

> > > > when I went to visit her last week. She knows I sacrificed a lot to

> > travel

> > > > cross country and take off an entire week to see her, but that didn't

> > seem

> > > > to matter. When I left, I had not spoken more than two words to her.

> I

> > asked

> > > > her not to accompany me to the airport because I needed the ride to

> be

> > > > peaceful and relaxed, since no part of my " vacation " had been that

> way.

> > > >

> > > > Other than comments on Facebook that seem to communicate she thinks

> > > > everything is just fine and dandy, I have had no contact with her

> since

> > > > returning. Our relationship has been very LC due to the residency

> > > > difference. She lives in the Southeast, and I live on the West coast.

> > > >

> > > > I'm new to understanding BPD, and it's really shedding light on a lot

> > of my

> > > > childhood and helping me understand my mother and why she has behaved

> > the

> > > > way she has in the past. But she doesn't think she has a problem, and

> > I'm

> > > > still very angry with her behavior during my visit. I usually call on

> > > > holidays, and I don't know if I should call her tomorrow. I just

> don't

> > know

> > > > what I would say. But I suppose if I called just to say Happy New

> Year,

> > that

> > > > might be alright. I just don't know. I love my mother--she clearly

> > needs

> > > > help and has her problems and traumas to overcome--but she really is

> a

> > good

> > > > person and loves me.

> > > >

> > > > I would appreciate any thoughts or anecdotes on how others have dealt

> > with

> > > > this.

> > > >

> > > > Thanks.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

I just realized... I divorced both my ex husband & my nada. lol.

Sorry, it just struck me as funny =)

Mia

> Before I went NC with nada I had her on facebook. There was a song that

> came out that was pretty popular that I liked and it was stuck in my head

> (and in some ways it is suiting to my life!) It's called " Second Chance " by

> Shinedown.

>

> Now, sometimes when I get a song stuck in my head I'll just post some of

> the lyrics on facebook... so I posted

>

> " Tell my mother,

> Tell my father

> I've done the best I can

> To make them realize

> This is my life

> I hope they understand

> I'm not angry, I'm just saying...

> Sometimes goodbye

> Is a second chance "

>

> Oh she took that so personally and then started ranting & raving how

> ungrateful I was & all kinds of crap on her FB. Funny thing is, I wasn't

> even thinking so much about how the song related to my life... I just like

> the song & it was stuck in my head! I actually laughed about it at the

> time. Strangely enough, not long after is when I went through my divorce &

> went NC with nada.

>

> Suiting song, I think! And yeah, having nadas on facebook is a bad idea!

> I like the idea of a special group just for her so you can limit what she

> actually sees. That's just brilliant! Great thought, Girlscout!

>

> Mia

>

>

> On Mon, Jan 3, 2011 at 6:23 PM, Girlscout Cowboy <

> girlscout.cowboy@...> wrote:

>

>> Hi, I'd set some facebook limits. Maybe you don't want to defriend her,

>> but

>> you could assign her to a group for special " BPD people " so she has

>> limited

>> access to your life. I can't imagine having a relationship with my Nada on

>> Facebook. It woudl be " poor me " I'm such a victim and then fake making

>> nice

>> for her audience to see. Gives me the creeps. And I'm a facebook lover -

>> but

>> no nadas on my page. My nada I'm sure couldn't do the technology, but I've

>> blocked everyone I've seen on there from that part of my past.

>>

>>

>>

>> >

>> >

>> > My mom used to threaten me with losing my whole family if I didn't live

>> my

>> > life and my decisions the way she dictated.

>> >

>> > So, the threatened loss of my family has always been the big danger in

>> my

>> > life.

>> >

>> > So, now that her BPD has destroyed all ties to people in our family, I

>> > don't have that threatened family.

>> >

>> > My mom was watching my wedding video yesterday and she told me how great

>> it

>> > was to see all of the aunts, cousins, etc ( that no longer have any

>> contact

>> > with us. )

>> >

>> > Very eerie to hear her talk about these family members when they were

>> > really used as weapons against me.

>> >

>> > Amy

>> >

>> >

>> > Re: Should I call her tomorrow?

>> >

>> > Well, surprise, surprise, she called me. She called while I was running,

>> so

>> > she left a message. And after contemplating it for a minute, I decided

>> to

>> > call her back. She answers the phone all cheerful " Happy New Year! " and

>> > starts to ask how things are going, etc. I'm just stunned. Completely

>> > speechless. I didn't really say much to her, except to thank her again

>> for

>> > the hat she bought me for Christmas and that everyone tells me it's

>> great.

>> > (I didn't want to be completely closed off with her, although maybe

>> that's a

>> > mistake too, I'm so confused I don't know anymore.)

>> >

>> > I'm just taking it one day at a time now. Having this place to come to

>> and

>> > share definitely makes it a lot easier.

>> >

>> > Thank you all for listening.

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> > >

>> > > >

>> > > >

>> > > > I'm new here. I posted a short version of my history with my mother

>> (I

>> > > > don't refer to her to a nada yet, she's very high-functioning and,

>> > thank

>> > > > goodness, I haven't had quite the severity of issues that others

>> have

>> > had).

>> > > > Anyways, she lashed out in a violent rage and completely ruined

>> > Christmas

>> > > > when I went to visit her last week. She knows I sacrificed a lot to

>> > travel

>> > > > cross country and take off an entire week to see her, but that

>> didn't

>> > seem

>> > > > to matter. When I left, I had not spoken more than two words to her.

>> I

>> > asked

>> > > > her not to accompany me to the airport because I needed the ride to

>> be

>> > > > peaceful and relaxed, since no part of my " vacation " had been that

>> way.

>> > > >

>> > > > Other than comments on Facebook that seem to communicate she thinks

>> > > > everything is just fine and dandy, I have had no contact with her

>> since

>> > > > returning. Our relationship has been very LC due to the residency

>> > > > difference. She lives in the Southeast, and I live on the West

>> coast.

>> > > >

>> > > > I'm new to understanding BPD, and it's really shedding light on a

>> lot

>> > of my

>> > > > childhood and helping me understand my mother and why she has

>> behaved

>> > the

>> > > > way she has in the past. But she doesn't think she has a problem,

>> and

>> > I'm

>> > > > still very angry with her behavior during my visit. I usually call

>> on

>> > > > holidays, and I don't know if I should call her tomorrow. I just

>> don't

>> > know

>> > > > what I would say. But I suppose if I called just to say Happy New

>> Year,

>> > that

>> > > > might be alright. I just don't know. I love my mother--she clearly

>> > needs

>> > > > help and has her problems and traumas to overcome--but she really is

>> a

>> > good

>> > > > person and loves me.

>> > > >

>> > > > I would appreciate any thoughts or anecdotes on how others have

>> dealt

>> > with

>> > > > this.

>> > > >

>> > > > Thanks.

>> > > >

>> > > >

>> > > >

>> > >

>> > >

>> > >

[Guest guest]

I just realized... I divorced both my ex husband & my nada. lol.

Sorry, it just struck me as funny =)

Mia

> Before I went NC with nada I had her on facebook. There was a song that

> came out that was pretty popular that I liked and it was stuck in my head

> (and in some ways it is suiting to my life!) It's called " Second Chance " by

> Shinedown.

>

> Now, sometimes when I get a song stuck in my head I'll just post some of

> the lyrics on facebook... so I posted

>

> " Tell my mother,

> Tell my father

> I've done the best I can

> To make them realize

> This is my life

> I hope they understand

> I'm not angry, I'm just saying...

> Sometimes goodbye

> Is a second chance "

>

> Oh she took that so personally and then started ranting & raving how

> ungrateful I was & all kinds of crap on her FB. Funny thing is, I wasn't

> even thinking so much about how the song related to my life... I just like

> the song & it was stuck in my head! I actually laughed about it at the

> time. Strangely enough, not long after is when I went through my divorce &

> went NC with nada.

>

> Suiting song, I think! And yeah, having nadas on facebook is a bad idea!

> I like the idea of a special group just for her so you can limit what she

> actually sees. That's just brilliant! Great thought, Girlscout!

>

> Mia

>

>

> On Mon, Jan 3, 2011 at 6:23 PM, Girlscout Cowboy <

> girlscout.cowboy@...> wrote:

>

>> Hi, I'd set some facebook limits. Maybe you don't want to defriend her,

>> but

>> you could assign her to a group for special " BPD people " so she has

>> limited

>> access to your life. I can't imagine having a relationship with my Nada on

>> Facebook. It woudl be " poor me " I'm such a victim and then fake making

>> nice

>> for her audience to see. Gives me the creeps. And I'm a facebook lover -

>> but

>> no nadas on my page. My nada I'm sure couldn't do the technology, but I've

>> blocked everyone I've seen on there from that part of my past.

>>

>>

>>

>> >

>> >

>> > My mom used to threaten me with losing my whole family if I didn't live

>> my

>> > life and my decisions the way she dictated.

>> >

>> > So, the threatened loss of my family has always been the big danger in

>> my

>> > life.

>> >

>> > So, now that her BPD has destroyed all ties to people in our family, I

>> > don't have that threatened family.

>> >

>> > My mom was watching my wedding video yesterday and she told me how great

>> it

>> > was to see all of the aunts, cousins, etc ( that no longer have any

>> contact

>> > with us. )

>> >

>> > Very eerie to hear her talk about these family members when they were

>> > really used as weapons against me.

>> >

>> > Amy

>> >

>> >

>> > Re: Should I call her tomorrow?

>> >

>> > Well, surprise, surprise, she called me. She called while I was running,

>> so

>> > she left a message. And after contemplating it for a minute, I decided

>> to

>> > call her back. She answers the phone all cheerful " Happy New Year! " and

>> > starts to ask how things are going, etc. I'm just stunned. Completely

>> > speechless. I didn't really say much to her, except to thank her again

>> for

>> > the hat she bought me for Christmas and that everyone tells me it's

>> great.

>> > (I didn't want to be completely closed off with her, although maybe

>> that's a

>> > mistake too, I'm so confused I don't know anymore.)

>> >

>> > I'm just taking it one day at a time now. Having this place to come to

>> and

>> > share definitely makes it a lot easier.

>> >

>> > Thank you all for listening.

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> > >

>> > > >

>> > > >

>> > > > I'm new here. I posted a short version of my history with my mother

>> (I

>> > > > don't refer to her to a nada yet, she's very high-functioning and,

>> > thank

>> > > > goodness, I haven't had quite the severity of issues that others

>> have

>> > had).

>> > > > Anyways, she lashed out in a violent rage and completely ruined

>> > Christmas

>> > > > when I went to visit her last week. She knows I sacrificed a lot to

>> > travel

>> > > > cross country and take off an entire week to see her, but that

>> didn't

>> > seem

>> > > > to matter. When I left, I had not spoken more than two words to her.

>> I

>> > asked

>> > > > her not to accompany me to the airport because I needed the ride to

>> be

>> > > > peaceful and relaxed, since no part of my " vacation " had been that

>> way.

>> > > >

>> > > > Other than comments on Facebook that seem to communicate she thinks

>> > > > everything is just fine and dandy, I have had no contact with her

>> since

>> > > > returning. Our relationship has been very LC due to the residency

>> > > > difference. She lives in the Southeast, and I live on the West

>> coast.

>> > > >

>> > > > I'm new to understanding BPD, and it's really shedding light on a

>> lot

>> > of my

>> > > > childhood and helping me understand my mother and why she has

>> behaved

>> > the

>> > > > way she has in the past. But she doesn't think she has a problem,

>> and

>> > I'm

>> > > > still very angry with her behavior during my visit. I usually call

>> on

>> > > > holidays, and I don't know if I should call her tomorrow. I just

>> don't

>> > know

>> > > > what I would say. But I suppose if I called just to say Happy New

>> Year,

>> > that

>> > > > might be alright. I just don't know. I love my mother--she clearly

>> > needs

>> > > > help and has her problems and traumas to overcome--but she really is

>> a

>> > good

>> > > > person and loves me.

>> > > >

>> > > > I would appreciate any thoughts or anecdotes on how others have

>> dealt

>> > with

>> > > > this.

>> > > >

>> > > > Thanks.

>> > > >

>> > > >

>> > > >

>> > >

>> > >

>> > >

[Guest guest]

Keeping up appearances, that's what. Making everyone on the outside think

she's what you said... perfect, christian. Why? For their so called " love "

and " admiration " . It's all about her, not you guys. You guys cramp her

style or whatever it is she thinks in her head, probably because you guys

are not little robots & do exactly what she wants. Heaven forbid you have

your own... self.

Sorry you have to deal with this kinda crap. None of us should have to.

And you have every right to be angry. Anger can be good, just use it

wisely.

Mia

>

>

> Okay, keep in mind that the revelation of BPD and it's inner workings is

> new to me.

>

> Oh my freaking crap! What the heck?! Here's the back story behind my

> exclamations. My mother just posted on Facebook something to the effect of

> " taking down the Xmas decorations. Remembering that the most important gift

> of all is HIS love! "

>

> Okay, my stepfather told me that when they were decorating the tree, she

> refused to participate or let them use her decorations. They kept trying to

> get her involved and include her, but she refused to participate. Then she

> got so pissed off because she wasn't controlling it and directing the

> process that she grabbed her decorations (from our family) from my

> stepbrother and actually threw two of the balls at him that smashed and

> broke. Then she tried to get my stepfather (who is extremely docile) to hit

> her. He simply said to her " E---, we are not doing this. "

>

> Then during her episode while I was visiting, she insisted on taking down

> the decorations the day after Xmas, and my stepfather wouldn't let her. She

> was so angry she wanted to take everything away and make everyone miserable,

> but he told her he wanted to leave them up and enjoy the holiday longer. Her

> response was pouting and angry " well, fine. It is YOUR house anyways. " Not

> that it's their home, it's his home. Ug.

>

> So then she posts this crap on Facebook when on Xmas morning she yelled at

> stepdad for not getting her enough presents and getting too many for

> stepbro. What a freaking hyprocrite! I can totally see the BPD here. She's

> trying to make others see her as the perfect little Christian woman, yet to

> her family she was a monster!

>

> I am so angry!!!!

>