Re: Should I call her tomorrow?

[Guest guest]

Well, surprise, surprise, she called me. She called while I was running, so she

left a message. And after contemplating it for a minute, I decided to call her

back. She answers the phone all cheerful " Happy New Year! " and starts to ask how

things are going, etc. I'm just stunned. Completely speechless. I didn't really

say much to her, except to thank her again for the hat she bought me for

Christmas and that everyone tells me it's great. (I didn't want to be completely

closed off with her, although maybe that's a mistake too, I'm so confused I

don't know anymore.)

I'm just taking it one day at a time now. Having this place to come to and share

definitely makes it a lot easier.

Thank you all for listening.

>

> >

> >

> > I'm new here. I posted a short version of my history with my mother (I

> > don't refer to her to a nada yet, she's very high-functioning and, thank

> > goodness, I haven't had quite the severity of issues that others have had).

> > Anyways, she lashed out in a violent rage and completely ruined Christmas

> > when I went to visit her last week. She knows I sacrificed a lot to travel

> > cross country and take off an entire week to see her, but that didn't seem

> > to matter. When I left, I had not spoken more than two words to her. I asked

> > her not to accompany me to the airport because I needed the ride to be

> > peaceful and relaxed, since no part of my " vacation " had been that way.

> >

> > Other than comments on Facebook that seem to communicate she thinks

> > everything is just fine and dandy, I have had no contact with her since

> > returning. Our relationship has been very LC due to the residency

> > difference. She lives in the Southeast, and I live on the West coast.

> >

> > I'm new to understanding BPD, and it's really shedding light on a lot of my

> > childhood and helping me understand my mother and why she has behaved the

> > way she has in the past. But she doesn't think she has a problem, and I'm

> > still very angry with her behavior during my visit. I usually call on

> > holidays, and I don't know if I should call her tomorrow. I just don't know

> > what I would say. But I suppose if I called just to say Happy New Year, that

> > might be alright. I just don't know. I love my mother--she clearly needs

> > help and has her problems and traumas to overcome--but she really is a good

> > person and loves me.

> >

> > I would appreciate any thoughts or anecdotes on how others have dealt with

> > this.

> >

> > Thanks.

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

For me, I wouldn't make any comments till I felt better emotionally about it,

kind of rested and recovered. We went through that last year (2009) with mine.

We were hoping for a good Christmas and a week before the day, she told us not

to call or come over, just leave her alone. No reasons for it. Typically during

my lifetime that meant I had done something to upset her. And typically, she

would never explain why she was angry. So the old feelings of guilt and

resentment bubbled up in me and ruined my holiday mood to say the least.

Eventually she allowed us to come visit but all she said was she needed some

time alone. Yeah, great. Then she did it to us again at Easter. This year when

she started to pull that crap, I came right out and told her I didn't want a

repeat of last year. We were coming over, even if it was just for an hour. She

actually gave in.

So when you feel ready to speak to her, even if you just want to say you were so

disappointed in Christmas and the visit went badly, then go ahead. But do it on

your time.

>

> I'm new here. I posted a short version of my history with my mother (I don't

refer to her to a nada yet, she's very high-functioning and, thank goodness, I

haven't had quite the severity of issues that others have had). Anyways, she

lashed out in a violent rage and completely ruined Christmas when I went to

visit her last week. She knows I sacrificed a lot to travel cross country and

take off an entire week to see her, but that didn't seem to matter. When I left,

I had not spoken more than two words to her. I asked her not to accompany me to

the airport because I needed the ride to be peaceful and relaxed, since no part

of my " vacation " had been that way.

>

> Other than comments on Facebook that seem to communicate she thinks everything

is just fine and dandy, I have had no contact with her since returning. Our

relationship has been very LC due to the residency difference. She lives in the

Southeast, and I live on the West coast.

>

> I'm new to understanding BPD, and it's really shedding light on a lot of my

childhood and helping me understand my mother and why she has behaved the way

she has in the past. But she doesn't think she has a problem, and I'm still very

angry with her behavior during my visit. I usually call on holidays, and I don't

know if I should call her tomorrow. I just don't know what I would say. But I

suppose if I called just to say Happy New Year, that might be alright. I just

don't know. I love my mother--she clearly needs help and has her problems and

traumas to overcome--but she really is a good person and loves me.

>

> I would appreciate any thoughts or anecdotes on how others have dealt with

this.

>

> Thanks.

>

[Guest guest]

For me, I wouldn't make any comments till I felt better emotionally about it,

kind of rested and recovered. We went through that last year (2009) with mine.

We were hoping for a good Christmas and a week before the day, she told us not

to call or come over, just leave her alone. No reasons for it. Typically during

my lifetime that meant I had done something to upset her. And typically, she

would never explain why she was angry. So the old feelings of guilt and

resentment bubbled up in me and ruined my holiday mood to say the least.

Eventually she allowed us to come visit but all she said was she needed some

time alone. Yeah, great. Then she did it to us again at Easter. This year when

she started to pull that crap, I came right out and told her I didn't want a

repeat of last year. We were coming over, even if it was just for an hour. She

actually gave in.

So when you feel ready to speak to her, even if you just want to say you were so

disappointed in Christmas and the visit went badly, then go ahead. But do it on

your time.

>

> I'm new here. I posted a short version of my history with my mother (I don't

refer to her to a nada yet, she's very high-functioning and, thank goodness, I

haven't had quite the severity of issues that others have had). Anyways, she

lashed out in a violent rage and completely ruined Christmas when I went to

visit her last week. She knows I sacrificed a lot to travel cross country and

take off an entire week to see her, but that didn't seem to matter. When I left,

I had not spoken more than two words to her. I asked her not to accompany me to

the airport because I needed the ride to be peaceful and relaxed, since no part

of my " vacation " had been that way.

>

> Other than comments on Facebook that seem to communicate she thinks everything

is just fine and dandy, I have had no contact with her since returning. Our

relationship has been very LC due to the residency difference. She lives in the

Southeast, and I live on the West coast.

>

> I'm new to understanding BPD, and it's really shedding light on a lot of my

childhood and helping me understand my mother and why she has behaved the way

she has in the past. But she doesn't think she has a problem, and I'm still very

angry with her behavior during my visit. I usually call on holidays, and I don't

know if I should call her tomorrow. I just don't know what I would say. But I

suppose if I called just to say Happy New Year, that might be alright. I just

don't know. I love my mother--she clearly needs help and has her problems and

traumas to overcome--but she really is a good person and loves me.

>

> I would appreciate any thoughts or anecdotes on how others have dealt with

this.

>

> Thanks.

>