Re: Should I call her tomorrow?

[Guest guest]

Sorry to hear your visit didn't go so well. As a woman with a nada, that

doesn't surprise me =( I know how my nada behaved on holidays.

I hope you'll continue to learn about BPD, but more importantly (IMO) I hope

you'll continue to learn about how it's affected you.

Hopefully now that you're home, you can have some peace & quiet. It still

continues to blow my mind that nadas can be like that and then make

everything look " normal " on facebook. I think that's their M.O....

Everything has to look fine from the outside to impress those around them

but on the inside there's a silent war waging onward. It sucks. My nada

was the same way, but none of my friends or their parents bought it. For

years they would ask me if everything was ok, blah blah blah. I'd just say,

" Yes " . I had an idea that my nada wasn't quite right, but I didn't know

what I lived through was abuse.

Anyway, not to ramble. Just wanted you to know you're not alone and that I

understand & suspect others here do too. Hopefully you can continue to

learn & grow and just move on in your own way feeling stronger for having

lived through it =)

Good luck,

Mia

>

>

> I'm new here. I posted a short version of my history with my mother (I

> don't refer to her to a nada yet, she's very high-functioning and, thank

> goodness, I haven't had quite the severity of issues that others have had).

> Anyways, she lashed out in a violent rage and completely ruined Christmas

> when I went to visit her last week. She knows I sacrificed a lot to travel

> cross country and take off an entire week to see her, but that didn't seem

> to matter. When I left, I had not spoken more than two words to her. I asked

> her not to accompany me to the airport because I needed the ride to be

> peaceful and relaxed, since no part of my " vacation " had been that way.

>

> Other than comments on Facebook that seem to communicate she thinks

> everything is just fine and dandy, I have had no contact with her since

> returning. Our relationship has been very LC due to the residency

> difference. She lives in the Southeast, and I live on the West coast.

>

> I'm new to understanding BPD, and it's really shedding light on a lot of my

> childhood and helping me understand my mother and why she has behaved the

> way she has in the past. But she doesn't think she has a problem, and I'm

> still very angry with her behavior during my visit. I usually call on

> holidays, and I don't know if I should call her tomorrow. I just don't know

> what I would say. But I suppose if I called just to say Happy New Year, that

> might be alright. I just don't know. I love my mother--she clearly needs

> help and has her problems and traumas to overcome--but she really is a good

> person and loves me.

>

> I would appreciate any thoughts or anecdotes on how others have dealt with

> this.

>

> Thanks.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Sorry to hear your visit didn't go so well. As a woman with a nada, that

doesn't surprise me =( I know how my nada behaved on holidays.

I hope you'll continue to learn about BPD, but more importantly (IMO) I hope

you'll continue to learn about how it's affected you.

Hopefully now that you're home, you can have some peace & quiet. It still

continues to blow my mind that nadas can be like that and then make

everything look " normal " on facebook. I think that's their M.O....

Everything has to look fine from the outside to impress those around them

but on the inside there's a silent war waging onward. It sucks. My nada

was the same way, but none of my friends or their parents bought it. For

years they would ask me if everything was ok, blah blah blah. I'd just say,

" Yes " . I had an idea that my nada wasn't quite right, but I didn't know

what I lived through was abuse.

Anyway, not to ramble. Just wanted you to know you're not alone and that I

understand & suspect others here do too. Hopefully you can continue to

learn & grow and just move on in your own way feeling stronger for having

lived through it =)

Good luck,

Mia

>

>

> I'm new here. I posted a short version of my history with my mother (I

> don't refer to her to a nada yet, she's very high-functioning and, thank

> goodness, I haven't had quite the severity of issues that others have had).

> Anyways, she lashed out in a violent rage and completely ruined Christmas

> when I went to visit her last week. She knows I sacrificed a lot to travel

> cross country and take off an entire week to see her, but that didn't seem

> to matter. When I left, I had not spoken more than two words to her. I asked

> her not to accompany me to the airport because I needed the ride to be

> peaceful and relaxed, since no part of my " vacation " had been that way.

>

> Other than comments on Facebook that seem to communicate she thinks

> everything is just fine and dandy, I have had no contact with her since

> returning. Our relationship has been very LC due to the residency

> difference. She lives in the Southeast, and I live on the West coast.

>

> I'm new to understanding BPD, and it's really shedding light on a lot of my

> childhood and helping me understand my mother and why she has behaved the

> way she has in the past. But she doesn't think she has a problem, and I'm

> still very angry with her behavior during my visit. I usually call on

> holidays, and I don't know if I should call her tomorrow. I just don't know

> what I would say. But I suppose if I called just to say Happy New Year, that

> might be alright. I just don't know. I love my mother--she clearly needs

> help and has her problems and traumas to overcome--but she really is a good

> person and loves me.

>

> I would appreciate any thoughts or anecdotes on how others have dealt with

> this.

>

> Thanks.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Sorry to hear your visit didn't go so well. As a woman with a nada, that

doesn't surprise me =( I know how my nada behaved on holidays.

I hope you'll continue to learn about BPD, but more importantly (IMO) I hope

you'll continue to learn about how it's affected you.

Hopefully now that you're home, you can have some peace & quiet. It still

continues to blow my mind that nadas can be like that and then make

everything look " normal " on facebook. I think that's their M.O....

Everything has to look fine from the outside to impress those around them

but on the inside there's a silent war waging onward. It sucks. My nada

was the same way, but none of my friends or their parents bought it. For

years they would ask me if everything was ok, blah blah blah. I'd just say,

" Yes " . I had an idea that my nada wasn't quite right, but I didn't know

what I lived through was abuse.

Anyway, not to ramble. Just wanted you to know you're not alone and that I

understand & suspect others here do too. Hopefully you can continue to

learn & grow and just move on in your own way feeling stronger for having

lived through it =)

Good luck,

Mia

>

>

> I'm new here. I posted a short version of my history with my mother (I

> don't refer to her to a nada yet, she's very high-functioning and, thank

> goodness, I haven't had quite the severity of issues that others have had).

> Anyways, she lashed out in a violent rage and completely ruined Christmas

> when I went to visit her last week. She knows I sacrificed a lot to travel

> cross country and take off an entire week to see her, but that didn't seem

> to matter. When I left, I had not spoken more than two words to her. I asked

> her not to accompany me to the airport because I needed the ride to be

> peaceful and relaxed, since no part of my " vacation " had been that way.

>

> Other than comments on Facebook that seem to communicate she thinks

> everything is just fine and dandy, I have had no contact with her since

> returning. Our relationship has been very LC due to the residency

> difference. She lives in the Southeast, and I live on the West coast.

>

> I'm new to understanding BPD, and it's really shedding light on a lot of my

> childhood and helping me understand my mother and why she has behaved the

> way she has in the past. But she doesn't think she has a problem, and I'm

> still very angry with her behavior during my visit. I usually call on

> holidays, and I don't know if I should call her tomorrow. I just don't know

> what I would say. But I suppose if I called just to say Happy New Year, that

> might be alright. I just don't know. I love my mother--she clearly needs

> help and has her problems and traumas to overcome--but she really is a good

> person and loves me.

>

> I would appreciate any thoughts or anecdotes on how others have dealt with

> this.

>

> Thanks.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Well, surprise, surprise, she called me. She called while I was running, so she

left a message. And after contemplating it for a minute, I decided to call her

back. She answers the phone all cheerful " Happy New Year! " and starts to ask how

things are going, etc. I'm just stunned. Completely speechless. I didn't really

say much to her, except to thank her again for the hat she bought me for

Christmas and that everyone tells me it's great. (I didn't want to be completely

closed off with her, although maybe that's a mistake too, I'm so confused I

don't know anymore.)

I'm just taking it one day at a time now. Having this place to come to and share

definitely makes it a lot easier.

Thank you all for listening.

>

> >

> >

> > I'm new here. I posted a short version of my history with my mother (I

> > don't refer to her to a nada yet, she's very high-functioning and, thank

> > goodness, I haven't had quite the severity of issues that others have had).

> > Anyways, she lashed out in a violent rage and completely ruined Christmas

> > when I went to visit her last week. She knows I sacrificed a lot to travel

> > cross country and take off an entire week to see her, but that didn't seem

> > to matter. When I left, I had not spoken more than two words to her. I asked

> > her not to accompany me to the airport because I needed the ride to be

> > peaceful and relaxed, since no part of my " vacation " had been that way.

> >

> > Other than comments on Facebook that seem to communicate she thinks

> > everything is just fine and dandy, I have had no contact with her since

> > returning. Our relationship has been very LC due to the residency

> > difference. She lives in the Southeast, and I live on the West coast.

> >

> > I'm new to understanding BPD, and it's really shedding light on a lot of my

> > childhood and helping me understand my mother and why she has behaved the

> > way she has in the past. But she doesn't think she has a problem, and I'm

> > still very angry with her behavior during my visit. I usually call on

> > holidays, and I don't know if I should call her tomorrow. I just don't know

> > what I would say. But I suppose if I called just to say Happy New Year, that

> > might be alright. I just don't know. I love my mother--she clearly needs

> > help and has her problems and traumas to overcome--but she really is a good

> > person and loves me.

> >

> > I would appreciate any thoughts or anecdotes on how others have dealt with

> > this.

> >

> > Thanks.

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

That is such an excellent idea, I might do it to all but my closest friends,

lol.

> > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I'm new here. I posted a short version of my history with my mother (I

> > > > don't refer to her to a nada yet, she's very high-functioning and,

> > thank

> > > > goodness, I haven't had quite the severity of issues that others have

> > had).

> > > > Anyways, she lashed out in a violent rage and completely ruined

> > Christmas

> > > > when I went to visit her last week. She knows I sacrificed a lot to

> > travel

> > > > cross country and take off an entire week to see her, but that didn't

> > seem

> > > > to matter. When I left, I had not spoken more than two words to her. I

> > asked

> > > > her not to accompany me to the airport because I needed the ride to be

> > > > peaceful and relaxed, since no part of my " vacation " had been that way.

> > > >

> > > > Other than comments on Facebook that seem to communicate she thinks

> > > > everything is just fine and dandy, I have had no contact with her since

> > > > returning. Our relationship has been very LC due to the residency

> > > > difference. She lives in the Southeast, and I live on the West coast.

> > > >

> > > > I'm new to understanding BPD, and it's really shedding light on a lot

> > of my

> > > > childhood and helping me understand my mother and why she has behaved

> > the

> > > > way she has in the past. But she doesn't think she has a problem, and

> > I'm

> > > > still very angry with her behavior during my visit. I usually call on

> > > > holidays, and I don't know if I should call her tomorrow. I just don't

> > know

> > > > what I would say. But I suppose if I called just to say Happy New Year,

> > that

> > > > might be alright. I just don't know. I love my mother--she clearly

> > needs

> > > > help and has her problems and traumas to overcome--but she really is a

> > good

> > > > person and loves me.

> > > >

> > > > I would appreciate any thoughts or anecdotes on how others have dealt

> > with

> > > > this.

> > > >

> > > > Thanks.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Okay, keep in mind that the revelation of BPD and it's inner workings is new to

me.

Oh my freaking crap! What the heck?! Here's the back story behind my

exclamations. My mother just posted on Facebook something to the effect of

" taking down the Xmas decorations. Remembering that the most important gift of

all is HIS love! "

Okay, my stepfather told me that when they were decorating the tree, she refused

to participate or let them use her decorations. They kept trying to get her

involved and include her, but she refused to participate. Then she got so pissed

off because she wasn't controlling it and directing the process that she grabbed

her decorations (from our family) from my stepbrother and actually threw two of

the balls at him that smashed and broke. Then she tried to get my stepfather

(who is extremely docile) to hit her. He simply said to her " E---, we are not

doing this. "

Then during her episode while I was visiting, she insisted on taking down the

decorations the day after Xmas, and my stepfather wouldn't let her. She was so

angry she wanted to take everything away and make everyone miserable, but he

told her he wanted to leave them up and enjoy the holiday longer. Her response

was pouting and angry " well, fine. It is YOUR house anyways. " Not that it's

their home, it's his home. Ug.

So then she posts this crap on Facebook when on Xmas morning she yelled at

stepdad for not getting her enough presents and getting too many for stepbro.

What a freaking hyprocrite! I can totally see the BPD here. She's trying to make

others see her as the perfect little Christian woman, yet to her family she was

a monster!

I am so angry!!!!

> >> > >

> >> > > >

> >> > > >

> >> > > > I'm new here. I posted a short version of my history with my mother

> >> (I

> >> > > > don't refer to her to a nada yet, she's very high-functioning and,

> >> > thank

> >> > > > goodness, I haven't had quite the severity of issues that others

> >> have

> >> > had).

> >> > > > Anyways, she lashed out in a violent rage and completely ruined

> >> > Christmas

> >> > > > when I went to visit her last week. She knows I sacrificed a lot to

> >> > travel

> >> > > > cross country and take off an entire week to see her, but that

> >> didn't

> >> > seem

> >> > > > to matter. When I left, I had not spoken more than two words to her.

> >> I

> >> > asked

> >> > > > her not to accompany me to the airport because I needed the ride to

> >> be

> >> > > > peaceful and relaxed, since no part of my " vacation " had been that

> >> way.

> >> > > >

> >> > > > Other than comments on Facebook that seem to communicate she thinks

> >> > > > everything is just fine and dandy, I have had no contact with her

> >> since

> >> > > > returning. Our relationship has been very LC due to the residency

> >> > > > difference. She lives in the Southeast, and I live on the West

> >> coast.

> >> > > >

> >> > > > I'm new to understanding BPD, and it's really shedding light on a

> >> lot

> >> > of my

> >> > > > childhood and helping me understand my mother and why she has

> >> behaved

> >> > the

> >> > > > way she has in the past. But she doesn't think she has a problem,

> >> and

> >> > I'm

> >> > > > still very angry with her behavior during my visit. I usually call

> >> on

> >> > > > holidays, and I don't know if I should call her tomorrow. I just

> >> don't

> >> > know

> >> > > > what I would say. But I suppose if I called just to say Happy New

> >> Year,

> >> > that

> >> > > > might be alright. I just don't know. I love my mother--she clearly

> >> > needs

> >> > > > help and has her problems and traumas to overcome--but she really is

> >> a

> >> > good

> >> > > > person and loves me.

> >> > > >

> >> > > > I would appreciate any thoughts or anecdotes on how others have

> >> dealt

> >> > with

> >> > > > this.

> >> > > >

> >> > > > Thanks.

> >> > > >

> >> > > >

> >> > > >

> >> > >

> >> > >

> >> > >

[Guest guest]

Okay, keep in mind that the revelation of BPD and it's inner workings is new to

me.

Oh my freaking crap! What the heck?! Here's the back story behind my

exclamations. My mother just posted on Facebook something to the effect of

" taking down the Xmas decorations. Remembering that the most important gift of

all is HIS love! "

Okay, my stepfather told me that when they were decorating the tree, she refused

to participate or let them use her decorations. They kept trying to get her

involved and include her, but she refused to participate. Then she got so pissed

off because she wasn't controlling it and directing the process that she grabbed

her decorations (from our family) from my stepbrother and actually threw two of

the balls at him that smashed and broke. Then she tried to get my stepfather

(who is extremely docile) to hit her. He simply said to her " E---, we are not

doing this. "

Then during her episode while I was visiting, she insisted on taking down the

decorations the day after Xmas, and my stepfather wouldn't let her. She was so

angry she wanted to take everything away and make everyone miserable, but he

told her he wanted to leave them up and enjoy the holiday longer. Her response

was pouting and angry " well, fine. It is YOUR house anyways. " Not that it's

their home, it's his home. Ug.

So then she posts this crap on Facebook when on Xmas morning she yelled at

stepdad for not getting her enough presents and getting too many for stepbro.

What a freaking hyprocrite! I can totally see the BPD here. She's trying to make

others see her as the perfect little Christian woman, yet to her family she was

a monster!

I am so angry!!!!

> >> > >

> >> > > >

> >> > > >

> >> > > > I'm new here. I posted a short version of my history with my mother

> >> (I

> >> > > > don't refer to her to a nada yet, she's very high-functioning and,

> >> > thank

> >> > > > goodness, I haven't had quite the severity of issues that others

> >> have

> >> > had).

> >> > > > Anyways, she lashed out in a violent rage and completely ruined

> >> > Christmas

> >> > > > when I went to visit her last week. She knows I sacrificed a lot to

> >> > travel

> >> > > > cross country and take off an entire week to see her, but that

> >> didn't

> >> > seem

> >> > > > to matter. When I left, I had not spoken more than two words to her.

> >> I

> >> > asked

> >> > > > her not to accompany me to the airport because I needed the ride to

> >> be

> >> > > > peaceful and relaxed, since no part of my " vacation " had been that

> >> way.

> >> > > >

> >> > > > Other than comments on Facebook that seem to communicate she thinks

> >> > > > everything is just fine and dandy, I have had no contact with her

> >> since

> >> > > > returning. Our relationship has been very LC due to the residency

> >> > > > difference. She lives in the Southeast, and I live on the West

> >> coast.

> >> > > >

> >> > > > I'm new to understanding BPD, and it's really shedding light on a

> >> lot

> >> > of my

> >> > > > childhood and helping me understand my mother and why she has

> >> behaved

> >> > the

> >> > > > way she has in the past. But she doesn't think she has a problem,

> >> and

> >> > I'm

> >> > > > still very angry with her behavior during my visit. I usually call

> >> on

> >> > > > holidays, and I don't know if I should call her tomorrow. I just

> >> don't

> >> > know

> >> > > > what I would say. But I suppose if I called just to say Happy New

> >> Year,

> >> > that

> >> > > > might be alright. I just don't know. I love my mother--she clearly

> >> > needs

> >> > > > help and has her problems and traumas to overcome--but she really is

> >> a

> >> > good

> >> > > > person and loves me.

> >> > > >

> >> > > > I would appreciate any thoughts or anecdotes on how others have

> >> dealt

> >> > with

> >> > > > this.

> >> > > >

> >> > > > Thanks.

> >> > > >

> >> > > >

> >> > > >

> >> > >

> >> > >

> >> > >