Flying monkey Christmas card from aunt

[Guest guest]

Just before Christmas, I got a few Christmas cards from relatives, including my

Aunt C. Thankfully most of my relatives at least understand my fada is mentally

ill, and understand my need to be NC, especially after he disowned me and

dishrag nada wouldn't stand up for me.

But there's a couple of relatives who don't quite understand. I let them bring

it up, because I didn't know how to let them know of the disownment, and Aunt C.

emailed me wondering why I was not talking to my parents. I gave her a basic

rundown of what had happened, without going into the gory details--I didn't want

to be branded a slanderer or anything like that. I was also afraid she wouldn't

believe me, either.

She emailed me back to remind me of my mom's sad story where her parents

disowned her, and how she couldn't talk to her brother (Aunt C's husband) or

sister. She said my mom still regrets what happened (though from what I hear of

her mom, ol' grandma was a nutcase, and I'm glad I had nothing to do with her.)

and Aunt C. told me how hard it is to see mom suffer again with the same thing

happening to me, and told me I should look past my dad's shortcomings (since

when is verbal/emotional abuse a mere shortcoming?) and forgive him and let

everything be hunky dory. I think she was unable to deal with the reality and

was just hopeful that I was just going through a " phase " that could be talked

out of.

She and I mostly not talk about it, though she has slipped in some

guilt-tripping in most of her correspondence about the situation. On the

surface, it looks harmless, but it's still manipulation nonetheless.

So....to the Christmas note...she told me that they spent Thanksgiving, as

usual, at my family's house, and said it was " of course, not the same without me

there. " Am I wrong in reading that as manipulation--that Aunt C. was just making

a harmless comment? I know I " m slightly paranoid about manipulation.

If it is manipulation, I'm pondering how to go about responding. I'm kinda tired

of the flying monkey business, and just want to inform her a 2nd time what's the

problem in my family, in more direct terms. I understand better what happened to

me, and have better ways of saying what was wrong, so that could be beneficial.

On the other hand, it would just be easier to keep ignoring the monkey business.

Thanks as always for everybody's excellent insight

Holly

As an aside...my other aunt, let's call her Aunt Nutjob (my mom's sister)...sent

me a similar email around the same time as Aunt C. I gave her the same rundown

as Aunt C., and she responded with a fairly detailed story about how depressed

she is and was, and how she abused her kids, my cousins, and how her husband had

to keep constant tabs on her so she wouldn't kill herself. Basically, the point

of her letter was that mental illness is hard, and that abuse happens, so I

should just look past and forgive fada's faults. I forget how I responded to

her. I think I told her I had depression too and managed to keep better control

over myself. Haven't communicated with her in ages since then.