Re: Has the BPD in your life ever made you feel physically ill?

January 3, 2011

The migraines I have are surely stress related. I was sick for months with

bizarre symptoms and a constant headache and my DD and DH hounded me to see a

neurologist because they feared a brain tumor. Turns out I had non-stop

migraines with olfactory and visual auras and vertigo etc, and I finally bad to

go on a seizure med as a preventative.

The migraines appeared at the height of dealing with demented nada and the

falls, ER visits, nursing home admission and all that.

They do say stress causes disease - we are proof.

Em

Sent from my blueberry.

> Yes ma'am, the migraines started in 3rd grade. Puberty didn't help and they

> advanced to daily. My parents didn't get help for me as a kid and it got

> worse and worse. Became daily headaches with serious pain. Same time lots of

> visual symptoms. Allergies. And now full blown fibromyalgia.

>

> That's one big therapy goal is that by remodeling the inside of my brain, I

> can physically feel better. Nothing so far, but I can hope. I " m turning 36

> soon. That's a lot of years of pain.

>

>>

>> Wow Em, I'm sorry to hear that =\ It's awful how this seems to effect so

>> many of us.

>>

>> Mia

>>

>> On Mon, Jan 3, 2011 at 2:03 PM,

<darkalleye@...<darkalleye%40aol.com>>

>> wrote:

>>

>>>

>>> Always. I have fibromyalgia, which I attribute to a lifetime of

>> suppressing

>>> feelings. I flare up when dealing with my mother and her affairs. Visits

>> to

>>> the nursing home even now sometimes trigger migraines.

>>> I used to get sick to my stomach after eating with her, almost as if the

>>> food didn't digest but just lay there.

>>> It happens to my daughter too.

>>>

>>> Em

>>>

>>

January 3, 2011

For sure Em, we are proof. Sad proof!

I think I should bill nada for all the years of therapy & some of these

other medical bills!

Mia

>

> The migraines I have are surely stress related. I was sick for months with

> bizarre symptoms and a constant headache and my DD and DH hounded me to see

> a neurologist because they feared a brain tumor. Turns out I had non-stop

> migraines with olfactory and visual auras and vertigo etc, and I finally bad

> to go on a seizure med as a preventative.

> The migraines appeared at the height of dealing with demented nada and the

> falls, ER visits, nursing home admission and all that.

> They do say stress causes disease - we are proof.

>

> Em

>

> Sent from my blueberry.

>

> On Jan 3, 2011, at 6:32 PM, Girlscout Cowboy

<girlscout.cowboy@...<girlscout.cowboy%40gmail.com>>

> wrote:

>

> > Yes ma'am, the migraines started in 3rd grade. Puberty didn't help and

> they

> > advanced to daily. My parents didn't get help for me as a kid and it got

> > worse and worse. Became daily headaches with serious pain. Same time lots

> of

> > visual symptoms. Allergies. And now full blown fibromyalgia.

> >

> > That's one big therapy goal is that by remodeling the inside of my brain,

> I

> > can physically feel better. Nothing so far, but I can hope. I " m turning

> 36

> > soon. That's a lot of years of pain.

> >

> > On Mon, Jan 3, 2011 at 12:52 PM, Justi3

<zobimia@...<zobimia%40gmail.com>>

> wrote:

> >

> >>

> >> Wow Em, I'm sorry to hear that =\ It's awful how this seems to effect so

> >> many of us.

> >>

> >> Mia

> >>

> >> On Mon, Jan 3, 2011 at 2:03 PM,

<darkalleye@...<darkalleye%40aol.com>

> <darkalleye%40aol.com>>

> >> wrote:

> >>

> >>>

> >>> Always. I have fibromyalgia, which I attribute to a lifetime of

> >> suppressing

> >>> feelings. I flare up when dealing with my mother and her affairs.

> Visits

> >> to

> >>> the nursing home even now sometimes trigger migraines.

> >>> I used to get sick to my stomach after eating with her, almost as if

> the

> >>> food didn't digest but just lay there.

> >>> It happens to my daughter too.

> >>>

> >>> Em

> >>>

> >>

January 4, 2011

Thanks mia,

Yeah, I'm not sure I can draw a direct correlation between nada and the

pain. I'm 8 years NC and I still have it. So either I still ahve it because

the emotional issues remain - or maybe I'm permanently damaged? I'm not

sure. Weird though, it really didn't get a lot better regarding the physical

pain when I went NC.

I think my T would say that I removed myself physicaly from my FOO's

damaging behavior - but the mental patterns were ingrained so I continued to

live in their world. Now I'm relearning. She seems to think that as I find

my " voice " and am able to stand up for myself and believe that I am fully

human like everyone else that the pain will start to fade.

One can hope. I'll see if I can talk to her about it on Monday.

How are you doing Mia? It sounds like you are quite concerned about your

surgery. Terrible to have it looming over you - not here yet so you can dive

in and do it, but just looming and threatening. A great way to make you

worry.

Night everyone

>

> (((( Girlscout )))) Yes, that is a lot of years of pain & I can relate =(

> I'm 33 and have had horrid pain from the endo since I was 13. And the

> fibro pain, good lord did that take forever to get diagnosed! I used to get

> headaches a lot too, I wouldn't call them migraines though. Maybe tension

> headaches is what I thought, my doctor said they sound more like cluster

> headaches though. I don't get them too much anymore. Actually... seems

> like they've lessened dramaticly since I went NC with nada. LOL. Well, that

> was one way to get rid of headaches ;-)

>

> It's a shame, a damned shame, that so many of us are reporting physical

> pain. It isn't super surprising to me know. One thing I have learned in

> nursing school that I relate to COMPLETELY is that when any one area of

> your

> health is not well, it can effect the others.

>

> We were taught that nursing is holistic in the sense that our goal is to

> care for the entire patient. To care for their physiological health,

> emotional health, spiritual health & social health.

>

> How many times when you're feeling the emotional black hold of nada has any

> one of those other aspects of health gone awry? Same with physical pain...

> it has absolutely impacted my emotional, spiritual & social healt as well!

>

> Sorry to ramble, I find it sad that so many have had to deal with this, but

> it is interesting. Maybe one day more physicians & practitioners will start

> to realize that emotional pain is just as serious as physical pain. I hate

> hearing that something is all in my head. Maybe in some ways it is, but

> really, it's not. My body is damaged from having to deal with all that

> stress, anxiety & emotional pain for so many years.

>

> I'll shut up now. lol.

>

> Mia

>

> On Mon, Jan 3, 2011 at 6:32 PM, Girlscout Cowboy <

> girlscout.cowboy@... <girlscout.cowboy%40gmail.com>

> > wrote:

>

> > Yes ma'am, the migraines started in 3rd grade. Puberty didn't help and

> they

> > advanced to daily. My parents didn't get help for me as a kid and it got

> > worse and worse. Became daily headaches with serious pain. Same time lots

> > of

> > visual symptoms. Allergies. And now full blown fibromyalgia.

> >

> > That's one big therapy goal is that by remodeling the inside of my brain,

> I

> > can physically feel better. Nothing so far, but I can hope. I " m turning

> 36

> > soon. That's a lot of years of pain.

> >

> > On Mon, Jan 3, 2011 at 12:52 PM, Justi3

<zobimia@...<zobimia%40gmail.com>>

> wrote:

> >

> > >

> > > Wow Em, I'm sorry to hear that =\ It's awful how this seems to effect

> so

> > > many of us.

> > >

> > > Mia

> > >

> > > On Mon, Jan 3, 2011 at 2:03 PM,

<darkalleye@...<darkalleye%40aol.com>

> <darkalleye%

> > 40aol.com>>

>

> > > wrote:

> > >

> > > >

> > > > Always. I have fibromyalgia, which I attribute to a lifetime of

> > > suppressing

> > > > feelings. I flare up when dealing with my mother and her affairs.

> > Visits

> > > to

> > > > the nursing home even now sometimes trigger migraines.

> > > > I used to get sick to my stomach after eating with her, almost as if

> > the

> > > > food didn't digest but just lay there.

> > > > It happens to my daughter too.

> > > >

> > > > Em

> > > >

> > >

January 4, 2011

I am very nervous. Very. I had smaller surgeries, this one is much more

invasive & major... but I think with all the fleas I'm having lately and all

the other stress... yep. I'm super stressed out.

I was in an accelerated nursing program - 1 class a month for 15 months.

Doesn't sound like much but trust me... it sure was a LOT of work, but I

loved every minute. I was a 4.0 student. I've been sitting out since

November due to pain & waiting for surgery. My pre-op appointments are

today and hell, I still don't know if the surgery is actually happening.

See, my PTSD & depression were so severe that 3 years ago I was encouraged

to apply for disability. I did & was approved (amazingly). That was

something I didn't want to do but I'm glad I did because It's given me time

to start healing. But, this means I have medicare... and due to help I get

for school, medicaid too. Medicare would have no problem with this surgery,

but even though they are my primary insurance, because I have medicaid at

all... they could say " nope. Not gonna happen " . So I have been waiting

forever for people to get the ball rolling on a 4 - 6 week process of

preauthorization. My surgery is scheduled for next week... I have no idea

if I've been pre-approved or not. I am half expecting to go into my pre-op

apt today & hear " sorry, it's a no-go " or " we have to postpone due to not

hearing back yet " . I'm trying to go by the old addage that " no news is good

news " but yes, It's horribly stressful. I really feel I need this done,

it's something I've been TRYING to get a doctor to listen to me about for 10

years now, but I always heard, " You're too young " Or " Have your 2.5 kids

first " ... even though I don't want bio kids.

The recovery is 6 - 8 weeks. I can't go near that school again until I have

doc's blessing that I'm fit for duty. Which is a good thing because trust

me, an LPN's job (and a student LPN's job) is toooough work physically.

Plus, I owe around 5 grand which normally you have to pay before you can

even set foot back in a classroom or clinical site... they are trying to

work with me & make good things happen so that I can come back even with a

balance because, " You're our 4.0 nursing student! " . BUT there is no

guarantee... plus, it will make what I all ready pay out of pocket on a

limited budget every month increase. I'm not sure, to be honest, if I can

afford what they'll want.

Plus my disability all just came up for review. No, I do NOT want to be on

it forever, no no no. And I am NOT just sitting back being lazy & " sucking

it up " like some people might suggest. I was severely ill when I went on,

but now I have improved somewhat. Will they give me one more year so I can

finish school? I don't know. My T says I'm not ready to go back to work

yet... says they will prob reapprove another year or maybe 3 but then I say,

" What's the difference between now & let's say Novemeber, when I finish my

degree? " Will I really be ready then? SHe thinks having the education

under my belt will help. I agree to some extent because I have developed

this weird thing called " confidence " since in school... at least when it

comes to school related stuff. But I still just don't know. And I really

don't know if I could pull off working part time & school with this

accelerated program. I am so scared.

Everything.... all of it, is hanging by a very delicate thread right now.

I'm so angry too at this disease for rearing it's ugly head NOW. Why

couldn't it have waited till after June, when I was slated to be finished

with this nursing program? It always has a way of saying " F*** You " right

when I just don't need it to.

Anyway, yeah sorry... I just dumped =( All of this. It's insanely

stressful. It's no wonder I have fleas right now too... plus this time of

year I always have fleas. No idea why but I do.

Sorry.

Mia

On Tue, Jan 4, 2011 at 3:12 AM, Girlscout Cowboy <girlscout.cowboy@...

> wrote:

> Thanks mia,

> Yeah, I'm not sure I can draw a direct correlation between nada and the

> pain. I'm 8 years NC and I still have it. So either I still ahve it because

> the emotional issues remain - or maybe I'm permanently damaged? I'm not

> sure. Weird though, it really didn't get a lot better regarding the

> physical

> pain when I went NC.

>

> I think my T would say that I removed myself physicaly from my FOO's

> damaging behavior - but the mental patterns were ingrained so I continued

> to

> live in their world. Now I'm relearning. She seems to think that as I find

> my " voice " and am able to stand up for myself and believe that I am fully

> human like everyone else that the pain will start to fade.

>

> One can hope. I'll see if I can talk to her about it on Monday.

>

> How are you doing Mia? It sounds like you are quite concerned about your

> surgery. Terrible to have it looming over you - not here yet so you can

> dive

> in and do it, but just looming and threatening. A great way to make you

> worry.

>

> Night everyone

>

January 4, 2011