Guest guest Posted January 8, 2011 Report Share Posted January 8, 2011 Sort of on the topic - my nada is many many many lbs overweight, i'd guess somewhere between 240 lbs and 300 lbs depending on medication etc, she goes up and down a lot. She is my same height, almost 5 ft 7. So that's not a healthful weight for that height. When I went NC with her almost 8 years ago (approximate anniversary is coming up on 3/7), she didn't call me. She didn't come to visit. She didn't ask what was wrong. She sent hideous letters with checks (can you say I have no social skills so I'm going to try to buy your love) and then sent messages via my dad to tell me she had lost weight. Yeah right, i went NC because of her weight? What the hell??????? So bizarre to think someone will take your abuse because you lost pounds? Can you say totally clueless and cruel and maybe not quite human? I mean, it would be better to maintain a healthy weight, but like any decent person would shun their " mother " because they are overweight. I don't have to tell you guys but it was completely because of her behavior, not her dress size. SHEEEEEESH!!!!!!! On that topic, does anyone else not totally see their nada as human? Mine has never seemed human to me, more like a monster. Wow, will I ever get to the end of this pit of hatred? > > > My one friend thinks that that is why I remain overweight because nada is > so against being even 5 lbs. overweight. I told my experience about being 5 > lbs. overweight a few days ago here. My nada took me to her doctor and asked > him to prescribe amphetamines to me (uppers) which he did. An 8 year old > taking uppers??!! My nada is and continues to be obsessed with weight (hers, > mine and everyone else's). I believe nada is anorexic and always has been or > bulimic now - not sure which at this point as I don't live with her but she > says she can't eat anything and throws up everything she eats. > > Yes I have bought a box of Oreos and a gallon of milk and eaten half the > box after talking to nada if the phone call was distressing enough in the > past, but I don't do that now. I have a minister who believes our nadas and > us are psychically tied because they ARE our mothers and he helped me sever > it. Since then I do not vomit when she does (which at that point wasn't > everything I ate but who wants to do that even once?!) > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 8, 2011 Report Share Posted January 8, 2011 Sort of on the topic - my nada is many many many lbs overweight, i'd guess somewhere between 240 lbs and 300 lbs depending on medication etc, she goes up and down a lot. She is my same height, almost 5 ft 7. So that's not a healthful weight for that height. When I went NC with her almost 8 years ago (approximate anniversary is coming up on 3/7), she didn't call me. She didn't come to visit. She didn't ask what was wrong. She sent hideous letters with checks (can you say I have no social skills so I'm going to try to buy your love) and then sent messages via my dad to tell me she had lost weight. Yeah right, i went NC because of her weight? What the hell??????? So bizarre to think someone will take your abuse because you lost pounds? Can you say totally clueless and cruel and maybe not quite human? I mean, it would be better to maintain a healthy weight, but like any decent person would shun their " mother " because they are overweight. I don't have to tell you guys but it was completely because of her behavior, not her dress size. SHEEEEEESH!!!!!!! On that topic, does anyone else not totally see their nada as human? Mine has never seemed human to me, more like a monster. Wow, will I ever get to the end of this pit of hatred? > > > My one friend thinks that that is why I remain overweight because nada is > so against being even 5 lbs. overweight. I told my experience about being 5 > lbs. overweight a few days ago here. My nada took me to her doctor and asked > him to prescribe amphetamines to me (uppers) which he did. An 8 year old > taking uppers??!! My nada is and continues to be obsessed with weight (hers, > mine and everyone else's). I believe nada is anorexic and always has been or > bulimic now - not sure which at this point as I don't live with her but she > says she can't eat anything and throws up everything she eats. > > Yes I have bought a box of Oreos and a gallon of milk and eaten half the > box after talking to nada if the phone call was distressing enough in the > past, but I don't do that now. I have a minister who believes our nadas and > us are psychically tied because they ARE our mothers and he helped me sever > it. Since then I do not vomit when she does (which at that point wasn't > everything I ate but who wants to do that even once?!) > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 8, 2011 Report Share Posted January 8, 2011 Wow thanks guys Yes, I can see nada trying to get someone to try on clothes and snoop into their size. My boss is always trying to snoop what size I wear - I can see asking that question so you can buy a gift but otherwise I don't think its her biz. I think its just bitchy and competitive. Of course I'm going to wear a different size than my boss because she's only four foot 10!!!!!! I'm almost a foot taller. Sheesh.I don't really care if she knows - I'm not ashamed to be a size 6 or 8. GEESH. And then boss will ask me if I wear a size 2. I'm like what the hell? Of course not!!!! That's a perfectly fine size to wear but its not mine and you can tell that by looking at me for hells sakes. Another thing on the size front that my nada did is she would give me clothes as gifts but they would be way way too big. For example an XL or XXL or XXXL when I wear a size medium. And she knows that I wear a medium. Insert your swear word of choice here. XOXO On Sat, Jan 8, 2011 at 12:52 PM, climberkayak wrote: > > > Marilyn, uppers, wow! Nadas unhealthy focus on their kids well-being just > continues to surprise me. You are lucky you didn't become anorexic with that > going on. > > > > > > My one friend thinks that that is why I remain overweight because nada is > so against being even 5 lbs. overweight. I told my experience about being 5 > lbs. overweight a few days ago here. My nada took me to her doctor and asked > him to prescribe amphetamines to me (uppers) which he did. An 8 year old > taking uppers??!! My nada is and continues to be obsessed with weight (hers, > mine and everyone else's). I believe nada is anorexic and always has been or > bulimic now - not sure which at this point as I don't live with her but she > says she can't eat anything and throws up everything she eats. > > > > Yes I have bought a box of Oreos and a gallon of milk and eaten half the > box after talking to nada if the phone call was distressing enough in the > past, but I don't do that now. I have a minister who believes our nadas and > us are psychically tied because they ARE our mothers and he helped me sever > it. Since then I do not vomit when she does (which at that point wasn't > everything I ate but who wants to do that even once?!) > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 8, 2011 Report Share Posted January 8, 2011 Wow thanks guys Yes, I can see nada trying to get someone to try on clothes and snoop into their size. My boss is always trying to snoop what size I wear - I can see asking that question so you can buy a gift but otherwise I don't think its her biz. I think its just bitchy and competitive. Of course I'm going to wear a different size than my boss because she's only four foot 10!!!!!! I'm almost a foot taller. Sheesh.I don't really care if she knows - I'm not ashamed to be a size 6 or 8. GEESH. And then boss will ask me if I wear a size 2. I'm like what the hell? Of course not!!!! That's a perfectly fine size to wear but its not mine and you can tell that by looking at me for hells sakes. Another thing on the size front that my nada did is she would give me clothes as gifts but they would be way way too big. For example an XL or XXL or XXXL when I wear a size medium. And she knows that I wear a medium. Insert your swear word of choice here. XOXO On Sat, Jan 8, 2011 at 12:52 PM, climberkayak wrote: > > > Marilyn, uppers, wow! Nadas unhealthy focus on their kids well-being just > continues to surprise me. You are lucky you didn't become anorexic with that > going on. > > > > > > My one friend thinks that that is why I remain overweight because nada is > so against being even 5 lbs. overweight. I told my experience about being 5 > lbs. overweight a few days ago here. My nada took me to her doctor and asked > him to prescribe amphetamines to me (uppers) which he did. An 8 year old > taking uppers??!! My nada is and continues to be obsessed with weight (hers, > mine and everyone else's). I believe nada is anorexic and always has been or > bulimic now - not sure which at this point as I don't live with her but she > says she can't eat anything and throws up everything she eats. > > > > Yes I have bought a box of Oreos and a gallon of milk and eaten half the > box after talking to nada if the phone call was distressing enough in the > past, but I don't do that now. I have a minister who believes our nadas and > us are psychically tied because they ARE our mothers and he helped me sever > it. Since then I do not vomit when she does (which at that point wasn't > everything I ate but who wants to do that even once?!) > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 8, 2011 Report Share Posted January 8, 2011 beautifully said Annie. Wow, what a bitch. I bet she would shun someone because of their weight. That's so weird though, because she has been overweight my whole life. Why would I suddenly do that? On Sat, Jan 8, 2011 at 1:33 PM, anuria67854 wrote: > > > I think your nada is projecting onto you what she herself thinks: nada > would shun someone because of their weight. > > Re those with pd being monsters or not human... in my opinion psychopaths > (sociopaths, antisocial pds) come the closest to being inhuman monsters. > Deliberate cruelty, selfishly using or destroying other people for your own > benefit, treating other people as mere objects whose feelings don't matter, > enjoying inflicting pain, having no empathy, no conscience and no remorse > are the behaviors that reflect lowest, most degraded level of humanity. > Psychopaths have been likened to predators: sharks who glide among us > looking human but who are there only to feed on us and reproduce. > > The Cluster B pds can range from very mildly affected to very severely > affected, and unfortunately the deep end of the Cluster B " swimming pool " is > psychopathy. > > -Annie > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 8, 2011 Report Share Posted January 8, 2011 Hmmm, on overfeeding --- my nada did NOT do that. Her way of functioning (and this is gross) is to keep food in the bottom of her purse and snack on it all day long. Usually chocolate and tootsie rolls, junk food. So when I would go places with her, like one year for mother's day I took her out of town to a play (she behaved horribly), she ate junk out of her purse the whole time. She also had some kind of a fit in the actual play and we had to leave. Her feet started to swell or a hot flash or claustrophobia or something or so she claimed. After I spent hundreds of dollars trying to do something nice for her. this was in my early 20s when I was much stupider. So anyway, after the play it was dinner time and I hadn't had a meal all day. i needed to eat, my blood sugar was dropping (you know that feeling?). So I wanted to go to dinner and she threw a minnie fit because she wasn't hungry --- we hadn't had breakfast or lunch and I try not to eat too much sugar esp on an empty stomach because it makes me sick, so I hadn't partaken in her oh-so-appetizing lint-covered purse candy. I just couldn't believe it. I don't know why I was surprised. My dad told me that he used to come home from work and find that my brother and I hadn't been fed all day (this would have been before kindergarten for me) and we would still be in our pajamas. So I don't know why it shocked me but it just horrified me that 1) a mother wouldn't care that her daughter was about to pass out and 2) that a mother wouldn't see the signs -- no food for 12 hours, past meal time, daughter who does get light headed if she doesn't eat for that long. It was like she didn't know me at all. I mean, a complete stranger would know that people who don't eat get hungry after 12 hours - so why wouldn't my own mother know that? Or worse - why wouldn't she care that something so predictable and easy to fix was wrong with me. So anyway, that's a long winded way of saying, no, she didn't overfeed me unless it was cookies, pop, chips and candy in between meals. UGGH why does that story still upset me? Can I just say I take much much much much better care of my dogs than my own mother did of me. And just to add, I've learned to take much much much better care of myself than she ever took of me. Wow. > > > " Another thing on the size front that my nada did is she would give me > clothes as gifts but they would be way way too big. For example an XL or > XXL or XXXL when I wear a size medium. And she knows that I wear a medium. " > > Oh, my mother does that too and it is so frustrating (and yes, insulting). > I wear a medium size top, but because I'm bustier than her, she always buys > me HUGE tops that look like I'm wearing a freaking bag. And it's like she's > doing it because she's jealous and also trying to hurt me at the same time. > It doesn't work (and never has). My mother has always dressed like a dowdy > old maid from the 50s, and, while I'm no fashion fiend, I have had my > trend-setting moments. > > But back to food, have you ever noticed, besides nadas triggering us to > comfort food, that when you visit (if they are in a " good " mood) that they > try to overfeed you? Yes, I know that's contrary to how she treats my > stepbro, but whenever she and I visit she always tries to get me to eat lots > of unhealthy and sugary food, while abstaining herself. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 8, 2011 Report Share Posted January 8, 2011 Hmmm, on overfeeding --- my nada did NOT do that. Her way of functioning (and this is gross) is to keep food in the bottom of her purse and snack on it all day long. Usually chocolate and tootsie rolls, junk food. So when I would go places with her, like one year for mother's day I took her out of town to a play (she behaved horribly), she ate junk out of her purse the whole time. She also had some kind of a fit in the actual play and we had to leave. Her feet started to swell or a hot flash or claustrophobia or something or so she claimed. After I spent hundreds of dollars trying to do something nice for her. this was in my early 20s when I was much stupider. So anyway, after the play it was dinner time and I hadn't had a meal all day. i needed to eat, my blood sugar was dropping (you know that feeling?). So I wanted to go to dinner and she threw a minnie fit because she wasn't hungry --- we hadn't had breakfast or lunch and I try not to eat too much sugar esp on an empty stomach because it makes me sick, so I hadn't partaken in her oh-so-appetizing lint-covered purse candy. I just couldn't believe it. I don't know why I was surprised. My dad told me that he used to come home from work and find that my brother and I hadn't been fed all day (this would have been before kindergarten for me) and we would still be in our pajamas. So I don't know why it shocked me but it just horrified me that 1) a mother wouldn't care that her daughter was about to pass out and 2) that a mother wouldn't see the signs -- no food for 12 hours, past meal time, daughter who does get light headed if she doesn't eat for that long. It was like she didn't know me at all. I mean, a complete stranger would know that people who don't eat get hungry after 12 hours - so why wouldn't my own mother know that? Or worse - why wouldn't she care that something so predictable and easy to fix was wrong with me. So anyway, that's a long winded way of saying, no, she didn't overfeed me unless it was cookies, pop, chips and candy in between meals. UGGH why does that story still upset me? Can I just say I take much much much much better care of my dogs than my own mother did of me. And just to add, I've learned to take much much much better care of myself than she ever took of me. Wow. > > > " Another thing on the size front that my nada did is she would give me > clothes as gifts but they would be way way too big. For example an XL or > XXL or XXXL when I wear a size medium. And she knows that I wear a medium. " > > Oh, my mother does that too and it is so frustrating (and yes, insulting). > I wear a medium size top, but because I'm bustier than her, she always buys > me HUGE tops that look like I'm wearing a freaking bag. And it's like she's > doing it because she's jealous and also trying to hurt me at the same time. > It doesn't work (and never has). My mother has always dressed like a dowdy > old maid from the 50s, and, while I'm no fashion fiend, I have had my > trend-setting moments. > > But back to food, have you ever noticed, besides nadas triggering us to > comfort food, that when you visit (if they are in a " good " mood) that they > try to overfeed you? Yes, I know that's contrary to how she treats my > stepbro, but whenever she and I visit she always tries to get me to eat lots > of unhealthy and sugary food, while abstaining herself. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2011 Report Share Posted January 9, 2011 My nada used to accuse me of always wanting to eat. Guess what happened... I ate a lot. Every time we went out of state to visit grandnada and my grandpa, everyone would get so busy talking that we'd forget to eat. Well, as someone else mentioned here, after not eating for so long my blood sugar drops and I get shakey. Oddly nada is the same way, but when I would bring up that we were going to go out to dinner 3 hours ago I'd be accused of always thinking of food. I still feel some level of guilt regarding my grandpa's death too. He was in the hospital, grandnada called to let us know he might die, so we drove down. They were working on putting him into hospice, gave him maybe 6 weeks to live. Anyway, they moved him out of ICU into another room. Again, none of us had eaten all day, it was late, I felt like crap after driving all night with nada & step dad. Again, here I am... the fatso... suggesting we go get something quick to eat & go home & rest so we could come back the next day. Everyone agreed. After dinner when we got back to grandnada's house the phone rang. He had passed. I felt so horrible that we weren't there. I still feel some guilt over that. Oddly, no one actually made me feel guilty about that, I think it's just built into my being to feel guilty. I was expressing this issue with feeling guilty for the world to my therapist who said, " and you're not even Jewish " . I laughed because my wonderful therapist is Jewish! Anyway, I get the food thing. I was a chubby kid and didn't slim down until high school when I joined sports. Even then, I was thin & had the right figure for my frame & still felt fat. Now I'm chubby again. I am really wanting to lose weight after I heal from surgery. Mia > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2011 Report Share Posted January 9, 2011 My nada used to accuse me of always wanting to eat. Guess what happened... I ate a lot. Every time we went out of state to visit grandnada and my grandpa, everyone would get so busy talking that we'd forget to eat. Well, as someone else mentioned here, after not eating for so long my blood sugar drops and I get shakey. Oddly nada is the same way, but when I would bring up that we were going to go out to dinner 3 hours ago I'd be accused of always thinking of food. I still feel some level of guilt regarding my grandpa's death too. He was in the hospital, grandnada called to let us know he might die, so we drove down. They were working on putting him into hospice, gave him maybe 6 weeks to live. Anyway, they moved him out of ICU into another room. Again, none of us had eaten all day, it was late, I felt like crap after driving all night with nada & step dad. Again, here I am... the fatso... suggesting we go get something quick to eat & go home & rest so we could come back the next day. Everyone agreed. After dinner when we got back to grandnada's house the phone rang. He had passed. I felt so horrible that we weren't there. I still feel some guilt over that. Oddly, no one actually made me feel guilty about that, I think it's just built into my being to feel guilty. I was expressing this issue with feeling guilty for the world to my therapist who said, " and you're not even Jewish " . I laughed because my wonderful therapist is Jewish! Anyway, I get the food thing. I was a chubby kid and didn't slim down until high school when I joined sports. Even then, I was thin & had the right figure for my frame & still felt fat. Now I'm chubby again. I am really wanting to lose weight after I heal from surgery. Mia > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2011 Report Share Posted January 9, 2011 My nada used to accuse me of always wanting to eat. Guess what happened... I ate a lot. Every time we went out of state to visit grandnada and my grandpa, everyone would get so busy talking that we'd forget to eat. Well, as someone else mentioned here, after not eating for so long my blood sugar drops and I get shakey. Oddly nada is the same way, but when I would bring up that we were going to go out to dinner 3 hours ago I'd be accused of always thinking of food. I still feel some level of guilt regarding my grandpa's death too. He was in the hospital, grandnada called to let us know he might die, so we drove down. They were working on putting him into hospice, gave him maybe 6 weeks to live. Anyway, they moved him out of ICU into another room. Again, none of us had eaten all day, it was late, I felt like crap after driving all night with nada & step dad. Again, here I am... the fatso... suggesting we go get something quick to eat & go home & rest so we could come back the next day. Everyone agreed. After dinner when we got back to grandnada's house the phone rang. He had passed. I felt so horrible that we weren't there. I still feel some guilt over that. Oddly, no one actually made me feel guilty about that, I think it's just built into my being to feel guilty. I was expressing this issue with feeling guilty for the world to my therapist who said, " and you're not even Jewish " . I laughed because my wonderful therapist is Jewish! Anyway, I get the food thing. I was a chubby kid and didn't slim down until high school when I joined sports. Even then, I was thin & had the right figure for my frame & still felt fat. Now I'm chubby again. I am really wanting to lose weight after I heal from surgery. Mia > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 Fada, in my case, was weird about food. So was dishrag nada...but fada was really weird. He'd binge then starve, etc, depending on his mood. Or if Mom made a meal he didn't really like, he'll refuse to eat it, sit down at the table, looking perfectly miserable and tense, while we ate, but we felt ashamed because fada wasn't eating. Mom felt really bad every time he did that, but hey, 7 out of 8 of us liked the meal, so.... and then after his starvation protest, the next day he'd eat a crapload of little debbies, and offer a crapload of it to the rest of us so he wouldn't be the only one eating that junk. Also, I was finding refuge in food. I'd eat a lot of food. And when fada thought I was living for food, instead of eating to live, he...grounded me? I don't know the right phrase, but he instated a restriction of serving sizes only, and I had to measure it out, and eating only that. So, if I ate oatmeal for breakfast, it had to be that serving size, and I couldn't eat another bowl of cereal, make toast, or anything like that. Same for lunch and dinner...one serving, no more. Did that for a week until it got pushed out of his mind and stopped enforcing it through my mom, so I went back to eating until I wasn't hungry. Then one year in college I was really limiting myself in food. Not anorexia, didn't have that much willpower, but I'd eat 1/2 PBJ and that'd be my lunch, and then eat only a little dinner. I went down to 135, then I met a guy who'd be my DH now, and I started eating again. Now I'm up to 160, or about 10lbs overweight, and 20lbs from where I'd like to be so I don't have to buy new clothes. My littlest sister was falling into the trap of trying to be thin. At age 4-7, which is way too young for a girl to be worried about weight. One day she burst out crying and said she didn't want to be fat, so we had been encouraging her to eat what's on her plate, and praising her for eating her food, and then she finally relaxed and started having seconds of good food, etc. That incidence for my sister made Dad tone down his starvation ploy, thank God. Now NC, I don't know how she or my other sibs are doing...but I still am worried about her. She was acting depressed and always sensitive to rejection, so living at home has got to be hell for her right now. How I wish I had custody of her and my other little siblings.... Food is a blessing and a curse for us KOs! Holly On Mon, Jan 10, 2011 at 9:33 AM, coalminersdotter < coalminersdotter@...> wrote: > > > Dear Annie, Girlscout and Everyone on this thread, > > I was wondering about connections with PD and anorexia/bulimia? I > understand that it has been noted that many individuals in treatment for > eating disorders have comorbid personality disorders/issues that are also > pretty stable (resistant to treatment and enduring traits). Is anyone aware > of studies linking these two issues or info about it? > > I had bulimia for most of my life as a result of being taught this behavior > by mom. She actually started teaching my 8 year-old son to vomit when he > " felt too full " after she gave him unbelievable amounts of junk food as a 4 > year-old. (No, she is not allowed to have time unsupervised anymore now and > was very limited after that and other freaky stuff.) > > I was able to stop the purging via vomiting and exercise after marrying my > husband 10 years ago. Lovely thing though, the binging part was not > completely eradicated. So I ballooned to over 200 pounds (way too much > weight for me at 5'2 " ). Anyway, working on this (down to size 16 and under > 200; also exercising, eating healthy food, etc). Lots of progress and have > not resumed binging or purging for years now. This is another example to me > of behavior I learned but is not a deep, enduring part of who I am, like > with BPD which is so resistant to change. Valid concept? > > p.s. Who else has nadas with food/weight issues; or should we just ask > anyone to raise their hand if nada is reasonable about food? My guess is > that this would be the exception. > > +Coal Miner's Daughter > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.