Re: Being blamed for BP's blowups?

[Guest guest]

Hi Daisy & welcome.

It sounds like your father is trapped in the FOG. (Fear obligation & guilt)

and is pushing it onto you, as if you don't get enough of it from her all

ready.

You're not responsible for anyone but you. Your mom is responsible for her

behavior and how she reacts to others. Your dad responsible for himself &

so on.

Yes, though, I have often felt like my family blames me for my nada's

unhappiness. I think sometimes as KOs (Kids of) we end up with that " black

sheep syndrome " . I know at least I have some of that going on with me.

I hop you find this group to be helpful. I find it really helpful.

Mia

On Tue, Jan 4, 2011 at 4:13 PM, missdaisy229

wrote:

>

>

> First of all, I would like to introduce myself to the forum. I came here on

> a doctor's recommendation, and when I saw the other posts it felt like a

> weight was lifted off of me, because all of these years I have felt so alone

> in my problem.

>

> My name is Daisy; I'm 25 years old, and my mother has BPD.

>

> I just wanted to ask you guys...have any of you ever felt as though one or

> more of your other relatives blame YOU for the BP's rages and unhappiness?

>

> My Dad is 10 years older than my mother and he's loved her since she was 15

> years old; he has worked for most of mine and my brother's childhood, and he

> doesn't really know us very well.

>

> (We also never tried to get close to him, because if we ever even indicated

> it, she became extremely upset because she wanted to be the favorite

> parent.)

>

> Anyway, all that my father wants is for her to be happy, and when she isn't

> raging at HIM, he blames my brother and me for her discontent, saying we are

> " ungrateful bastards " and that we need to " appreciate our mother. "

>

> It is just very uncomfortable to me because I always to my best to be a

> nice person and to make the right decisions, and it causes me a lot of

> anxiety that it seems my father won't even try to see things for what they

> are. I know he can't disagree with her (any sort of disagreement sets her

> off) but I feel like he could at least be more empathetic to us.

>

>

>