I am new to the group

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I am new to this group and have just begun reading the book 'Walking on

Eggshells'.I am 48 years old and have spent the better part of my grownup years

trying to figure out what was wrong with both of my parents.The book is shedding

a huge light on the problem big time.

My nada has verbally abused me and controlled or tried to control almost my

entire life.I was my nada's servant or slave (as my brother called me)all of my

life.I was made to stay home and clean the house with my nada every Saturday.I

also had to race home from school everyday and make sure I made the beds,cleaned

the bathrooms and vacuum the entire house and most nights start dinner.If I

didn't complete all of these tasks she would not speak to me for days or just be

really cold and rude.On bad day she would she would scream and rage at me.One

time my friends left an old vacuum in our front yard as joke because I could not

go to the mall with them on a Saturday and my Mom lost her mind slapped me and

then didn't speak to me for at least 3 weeks.

My nada never has had any boundaries,I was not allowed to have my door closed

ever.If I was reading or doing homework,it was interrupted by both parents

asking why I always had my head in a book and wasn't paying attention to them.My

nada and fada still have no boundaries and will show up at my house anytime they

chose and expect me to drop everything to pay attention to them.

Both my parents favored my brother,he was the golden child,at dinner I was not

allowed to interrupt him speaking or I would be rebuked.

My nada and fada have been divorced for a long time,they divorced while I was in

my 20's.I remarried 6 years ago and my nada manipulated and lied to my new

husband and both of my daughters in an effort to try to destroy my marriage.My

nada lies to everyone,my husband says if her lips are moving she is telling a

pack of lies.We recently discovered she has severely mismanaged her finances and

we are going in to take over and clean up the mess.I would rather not do

this,however the alternative is having her have to live with us or put her in a

home.I am problems with extreme guilt and if I am doing something,like traveling

with my husband I feel like I am in trouble because my Mom is mad at for doing

something she does not approve of ,or is not with me getting to do the fun

thing.My nada drinks scotch every night and I suspect is a closet alcoholic as

well.

My husband has accepted a new job in another city so we are moving which we are

really looking forward to,however,more meltdowns are sure to follow by both the

fada and nada.

My fada has turned into an alcoholic in last 5 years and tried to kill himself 2

years ago at Christmas.Two weeks ago the police called me as we were leaving

church and said they had my Dad on bench outside a very expensive restaurant in

our neighborhood and he could not stand up or walk.The next day when I spoke to

him he said a nice man from the bar took him home.My Dad spends all of his money

and is constantly asking us for money.We already pay his cell phone bill every

month.

I am seriously considering just cutting all ties with both the fada and the

nada,my issue is the guilt and I my faith in God.I am morally conflicted.My

brother is a recovering drug addict who has been in and out of prison in the

last 10 years.He lost his wife and children and his job of course.He has been a

drug addict since he was 15.

I am looking for support and advice.I am also looking for a therapist as I have

reached the end of my rope with these people.What I wrote above is only the tip

of the iceberg in what my nada and fada have both done and put me through.Just

didn't want to overwhelm on my very first post.I need to get the hang of this,I

have never been part of a group before.

Thanks for the advice.

wavegoodbye2004