NADA -

[Guest guest]

Sad realization but good realization. In reading the posts, seeing this term

and reading it's definition I thought, " Wow, How sadly perfect is that? " NADA,

yes, that's what I had.

Amazingly, I have 4 beautiful kids. I love them all dearly and no matter what

they say or do, I don't call them names, I do not hit them and I honestly just

love them and let them be who they are. I try to assure them all the time that

it never matters what anyone says, they are good people, great souls and so

beautiful inside of their hearts and nothing could ever change my opinion and

they should always believe me because I know what I'm talking about.

My nada used to tell me that she was so in love with me, that I was so perfect

and wonderful until she told me I had to pay $5K for her dentures and I didn't

have it, till I had to pay $700 to get her diamonds out of hock when I didn't

have the money and until I decided she could no longer live with me because she

was too abusive to have around me or my children. Then I was a vile, evil,

idiot, stupid, cold-hearted monster of a woman that is unforgiveable, a huge

disappointmentand that she will get me.

I learned that my nada is incapable of love. She is only capable of going to

great extremes to get what she needs at everyone else's expense and don't you

dare cross her or she will stalk you and get you and make sure you go to he!!.

Its so sad and frustrating. I honestly hadn't thought about her much in months

but the holidays brought discussions of her back. I tried to tell the family

they should study up on BP and NPD as my nada has those tendencies in the

extreme along with alcoholism and drug addiction. I'm sure its self-medicating.

But, not my problem any more.

So, wow, enough of that. I had to vent, I guess. The one thing that I do know

despite what we have all been told by nadas and fadas...we deserved to have love

and support, validation and tenderness, honesty and respect. We didn't get that

from the people who normally give it so we just have to find good and positive

ways to reparent ourselves...luckily this group is here, Stop Waling on Egg

Shells was written, the Big Red Book from ACOA was written all to help us

understand what we were dealing with and help us all learn to love and validate

ourselves even if we haven't yet learned how. There is always time and despite

full contact, LC or NC, you can heal, cope and learn to feel okay. It can

happen. Your life can be managed by focussing more on you than the BP...getting

the kind of help you need and not feeling bad about getting that help.

I'm so glad to have found this site. Thinking positive thoughts and sending out

positive healing energy to all!

jaie