Something I can't get off my mind

[Guest guest]

Before I type this, I want to warn you that I personally find this very

disturbing. I don't want to trigger anyone, but I'm not sure how to get

this off my mind or if any action can be taken regarding the situation.

So 20 months ago when I moved out of state, nada had 3 weeks just like

everyone else to return my phone calls & email. She did the silent

treatment and didn't return them. So I played " baseball'. I emailed her

once, called her twice... that was 3 strikes... she's out of my life. I had

been contemplating going NC with her for about 2 years before this happened.

Anyway, she & my dad are divorced. I went up at the end of October for an

impromptu visit. I missed my family & wanted to see them and dad said to

come on into town.

Every time I see my dad, he asks me if I have spoken to nada. I tell him

no, and he says, " I honestly don't blame you " . We got to talking about some

of the things she had said & done to me & he told me something that has been

on my mind quite a lot ever since.

I was an only child, but I was supposed to have a baby brother. My dad told

me that when nada was pregnant with him, she would beat on her stomach with

her fists, or pots & pans or whatever and scream out in a rage, " I don't

want this F***ing baby, I hope it F***ing dies " . She got her wish. My baby

brother died approximately 30 minutes after he was born.

Now, I can't be 100% sure but such a big part of me says, " She killed him " .

I had a girl's night out tonight with some gals I go to nursing school with.

I brought it up with them. They were simply speechless. One friend looked

at me & said, " Have you reported this? You should think about reporting

it. "

I had thought about that previously, but I don't know what anyone could do.

This was probably about 30 years ago and my parents donated his little body

to science.

When I was about 18 or 19 I asked my dad if I could see any papers he had on

him. He had a whole bunch of stuff. I had just taken genetics in college

and actually saw my little brother's genes that had somehow been scanned &

put onto paper. I saw his birth certificate, and his death certificate and

a whole bunch of other information. It was very emotional for me (even

though I didn't know what nada had done) and I honestly cannot for the life

of me remember what they put as cause of death.

I really find this highly disturbing. And I really don't know how I would

even go about reporting it to anyone. I know I can't get legal advice here,

but I wonder if they could even do anything about it. And of course, I

wonder what happened to him... where he's at now. Sorry... I know that's

really dark, but I wish I had someplace I could go to put flowers or

something.

I knew I was going to have a sibling. I was only about 3 at the time, but I

knew. And I have never forgotten him. I know it's kinda crazy, but

sometimes when I pray I talk to him too.

I wish there was some way I could bring justice to him and frankly to me

too.

Thanks for reading.

Mia